Not a Piece of Cake
by MoonStone2115
Summary: I'm used to people staring at me all the time. When I graduated To-Oh at age thirteen, people were staring. When I joined the police force at age fifteen, people were staring. So being stared at isn't new. Maybe it's because I don't look like I am from here. Or maybe it's the blue hair.But isn't it ironic that the one person that I want to stare at me never even looks my way?(LXOC)
1. Meeting

**So… Didn't see that coming, did you?**

 **Yes, I'm writing a new story. I'm taking a break from Kuroshitsuji, no idea how long, but I felt like writing something else.**

 **So, hey and hello, new people who haven't read my other story and are now probably quite confused ;)**

 **I want to get one thing out of the way and that's that I'm going to follow the** ** _manga_** **, but use all the other** ** _Death Note_** **-adaptations from time to time. And I actually came up with this story (and its title) while listening to the song 'Cake' by Melanie Martinez, so yeah, it's not only a L-related pun.**

 **Enjoy and feel free to review and favourite ;D**

 **I don't own Death Note. Never did, probably never will. Oh, and I make typos. And I am too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

XxX

 **1\. Meeting**

I'm quite used to people staring at me all the time. When I graduated To-Oh at age thirteen, people were staring. When I joined the police force at age fifteen, people were staring. So being stared at wasn't new. Maybe it was because I dressed strangely. Maybe it was because I didn't look like I was from here. Or maybe it was the blue hair.

Two teenage girls from around my age leaned toward each other, whispered something in each other's ear and pointed at my hair.

Jep. Definitely the blue hair.

I think no one was happy when I showed up with blue hair that first day. I remembered how Yagami had shaken his head and sighed.

I got off the train soon after, which was good, since those girls really started to annoy me. Seriously, they were almost adults, right?

Well, not that I was mature. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and ignore everyone around me. I didn't care what people thought about my hair. I wanted it to be blue, so I made it happen. It had been easy. It had been painless. It had been what I wanted.

'Morning!' I said as I walked into the building, only to see that there was no one there. I walked over to the office, the only place were sound came from, only to see everyone sitting there, talking about stuff that I only partially understood.

'Kira is in Japan?'

'Does that mean that we're on the case?'

'Is L going to come to Japan?'

Ah, the Kira-case. Of course. Interpol had been way too late. I knew more about L than about Kira, I had to admit. I had done a whole paper about L back when I was still in college.

I spotted Matsuda in the corner of the room. 'L's quite good, isn't he?'

'He's the world's greatest detective, Matsuda, of course he's good,' I heard Aizawa say.

I walked over to them, dropping my bag on the floor. 'What happened? What's new?' I asked, without saying hello. My curiosity was more important than my manners right now.

Aizawa didn't really like me all that much, maybe it was the blue hair, so it was Matsuda, a younger police officer who never really judged anyone, who answered. 'Ooh, Olivia-chan! You're late! Detective L just had a confrontation with Kira… for everyone to see!'

It didn't take me long to deduce what he'd done. The television was still on and I could pick up more than I needed from the conversations in the room. 'And he tested the killing method of Kira a well as his location by only broadcasting at one place at the time, while claiming it was an worldwide broadcast?'

Matsuda looked disappointed. 'So you _did_ see the broadcast.'

Nope, but I wasn't going to tell him that.

Then, Yagami spotted me and walked over, clearly too busy to be angry at me for being late. 'Upson!' he said. He was the only one who still called me by my last name, even though I always told everyone to call me 'Olivia'. No one in England ever called you by your last name like they did in Japan. It was weird.

'I got a call from Interpol,' Yagami said and I started to believe that he hadn't even noticed my absence. 'You and I will go to the Serial Murders Special Investigation Force tomorrow to join the official meeting.'

I wasn't sure why he'd chosen me, but hey, I felt important, so I nodded. 'Alright!' I said, almost saluting. Almost.

Yagami nodded and gave me a small smile. Then he looked over at Matsuda. 'Matsuda, you will come, too. Be sure to make notes,' he then added.

'Yes sir!' Matsuda said nervously. And he _did_ in fact salute.

When Yagami walked away to talk with other police officers, Matsuda leaned over and said: 'You're lucky that all that stuff happened today. He didn't even notice that you were late. Otherwise he probably wouldn't have invited you.'

I smiled, crossed my arms. 'I know.' Even though Matsuda could be quite stupid, even the dumbest people could say the smartest things if you stayed around long enough to hear.

* * *

XxX

Maybe Yagami did notice I had been late yesterday. And this meeting was my punishment. This meeting wasn't exciting. It was boring. Old men who talked and talked, about stuff I either already knew or didn't even want to know. And at the end of the day, too! After such a long day at work!

The only interesting thing was the person completely dressed in black, his coat and hat disguised him completely. "He" might as well be a "her" and I wouldn't be able to tell. He sat behind a laptop, which was turned to us and the webcam seemed to stare at us all. On the scream was only the letter 'L', but behind the camera… was the person who called himself 'L'.

'Information on all the victims that died of heart failure could indeed have been discovered from Japan. In addition, concerning the timeframe of these deaths, as per L's request… Monday through Friday, all these deaths occurred between 4 P.M. and 2 A.M. Japanese time. Weekends and holidays, between 11 A.M. and into the middle of the night. These times are much more inconsistent, though.'

I shot up from my lazy position, suddenly interested.

Yagami didn't sound interested when he said: 'Hmm. Alright. What about the general public? They saw the broadcast.'

Yagami! This meeting just got interesting and you just ruined it with your question about the 'general public'! Those times were quite interesting. I blocked the whole meeting out, didn't hear anything anymore as my brain went into 'thinking-mode'. If Kira was someone who worked fulltime, he was killing those people at work, which seemed rather unlikely. He could've night-shifts, of course, then it would make more sense. But that wouldn't explain the weekends. A lot of people had to work on Saturday, myself included. And people with night-shifts usually had strange sleeping patterns, which made the night-shift theory unlikely as well. So that would probably mean…

'Student,' I said, accidently out loud.

'Hm?' Yagami asked, turning his head to face me.

Oops. I didn't like sharing theories with people. I hated it, actually. Because there was always a possibility that I was wrong. And I hated being wrong. 'No, nothing,' I said shaking my head.

Yagami pursed his lips together, hating it when I kept my thought to myself. He knew that when I talked, I was right, so maybe it was disappointment? It didn't last long, though. He soon went on to the next order of business. 'Does anyone have anything else to add?' he asked everyone in the room.

Matsuda stood, one hand raised. 'Ah, yes!' he said, not sounding as nervous as he usually did. Well done, Matsuda!

'Go ahead, Matsuda,' Yagami said, giving him an encouraging nod.

'I don't mean to give Kira any praise,' he started. 'But in the past few days criminal activity around the world - and especially in Japan - has decreased dramatically.'

Of course. For a lot of people, death seemed way worse than prison.

Everyone in the meeting was silent, probably thinking that this information was obvious enough. Yagami sighed and I was concerned that he might get mad at Matsuda for saying such an obvious thing, but he didn't. 'Well, I suppose we all knew that something like that would happen.' He closed his eyes for a second, deep in thought. Then he opened his eyes again. 'Anything else?' he asked.

Complete silence.

When he realised no one was going to say anything anymore, Yagami stood and I, as his assistant, stood up too. Yagami looked at the laptop, speaking directly to the webcam. 'L,' he said, 'that's all we have to say.'

I heard buzzing noises and then a voice that clearly went through all sort of mechanic distortion to keep us from hearing L's real voice. ' _Thank you. I think we're getting closer. Before I leave, have one more request. This is for the victims unit, the media unit and the internet unit. I'd like you to carefully examine how the Japanese media reported information on these victims. I need to know whether or not any images of the victims were shown._ '

Oh, this could be fun.

' _Thank you for your cooperation._ ' There was a click on the other side of the webcam and the man – or woman – behind the laptop shut the device and began to pack it into a black suitcase. Something about the person's movements told me it was someone older than I'd initially thought.

I decided to take a chance and walked up to person. 'Can I help you, sir?' I asked. A few movements that were clearly supposed to be his head shaking 'no' made clear that he didn't need – or at least didn't want – my help. I almost laughed. I felt like people rarely actually wanted my help, whether they needed it or not.

* * *

XxX

I was standing outside the building, chewing on my gum as I looked at the clear night sky. Nights at home were rarely so clear.

I heard the automatic door and knew it was Yagami because he had his own pace of walking. Everyone did. Knowing someone's pace was nice. It meant you knew what was coming toward you.

'What a meeting, huh?' he asked as he stood next to me.

I smiled politely. 'Yes, it was very interesting.' Kind of. Not really.

He put a hand on my shoulder. 'Sachiko misses you. You haven't visited for almost two months now.'

I sighed, looked up at the sky, then back at my boss. 'Right, I know. I'm sorry. I've been… busy lately.' Kind of. Not really.

Then he told me the true reason he was talking to me right now. 'You look thin. Sick, almost. Have you been eating enough?'

Older people often felt the need to take care of the younger generation, especially when those older people were parents. Ever since that day two years ago Yagami invited me over every now and then, made sure I ate something substantial. And his wife would give me more food that I could take with me. As if I couldn't take care of myself. As if I was a child.

But I did like it there. I liked the Yagami-family. They were nice people, almost too perfect to be true. It was nice watching them. And there was nothing wrong with a free meal once in a while. 'I eat,' was the only answer he got. I wouldn't say 'enough', because everyone had their own description of "enough".

I knew what he was going to say before he even said it. 'Why don't you come and eat with us tonight? My wife and children wouldn't mind.'

And I knew they wouldn't, but that wasn't the point here. I smiled politely, thinking about home, the house, empty and dark. That was my safe place. Not the Yagami-household. But still, even loners got lonely sometimes. And, as I said, there was nothing wrong with a free meal. Especially when it was a free meal made my Sachiko Yagami. 'Sure.'

* * *

 **XxX**

 **End of chapter 1, hope you enjoyed it ;D**


	2. Student

**So I had this long conversation with myself whether I should write 'Light' or 'Raito' and I chose 'Light', because I liked the sound of it better.**

 **Well, anyhow. Time to have dinner with the Yagami-household! Yayy. Fun, fun, fun. Also, I'm going to skip over the first few chapters real fast, because this story really sets off when the Task Force and L meet in person. So. Yeah.**

 **I don't own Death Note. Never did, probably never will. Oh, and I make typos. And I am too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **2\. Student**

'Welcome back, dad!'

Was the first thing I heard as I stood in the hall, taking off my shoes. Sayu – the youngest child – waved at her father, saw me and ran to the kitchen. 'Mom! Dad brought Olivia with him!' she shouted, even though her mother probably wasn't far away.

'You're back?' I heard the familiar voice of Light, the eldest, and the smartest, of the household. Because of his sister he wasn't surprised to see me. He didn't greet me though. I had a feeling that Light thought that I didn't like him all that much.

And maybe that was true. I never thought ill of the guy, I never do, but I hated it when people put up appearances and pretend like they're something that they're not. With Light, I had a feeling he did that all the time. He just felt too… perfect. The smart boy who never did anything wrong? It always confuses me. You can never tell what a person like that is thinking, because you don't know who – and what – the person really is.

And maybe that wasn't fair. Light had never said anything bad about me. He never said anything bad, period. He was a kind, intelligent young man with a great future ahead. So really, it was me who was stubbornly holding onto my own feelings. Maybe I was jealous. And why shouldn't I be? He had everything I wanted.

When I ate at the Yagami-household, Sachiko always put me at the end of the table, between Light and Yagami. Which was a plus, because it meant I could stare in front of e without awkwardly staring at someone.

'Light, how is school?' Yagami asked during dinner.

'Eh?' Light said, clearly not because he hadn't heard his father, but because he gave himself time to think of a proper answer. 'Ah. Not bad. Same old, same old.'

'That right!' Sayu said with a bright smile on her face. Her emotions were much less reserved than Light's. 'Same old top-of-the-class brother!'

Sachiko laughed. 'Our same old pride and joy!'

'And be sure to ask Upson here questions if you have those,' Yagami added with a smile, as if he doubted that his son would ever need help with anything.

I decided to ruin the mood, just a bit. 'How about you, Sayu?' I asked before taking a bite. I didn't care if I talked with my mouthful, but when I as a guest at such a perfect household, I wouldn't even dare.

'M-me?' Sayu said, slightly in panic now, but she brushed that off with a laugh. 'Uh, same as always. I guess.'

'I see,' Yagami said after a short pause.

It was silent for a while, which didn't really matter to me, I had food, but then I noticed how Light looked at both me and his father with a different look. A look that I wish I could interpret. But I couldn't. One more problem with Light Yagami; I never could.

'You two seem tired,' he finally said, clearly more referring to his father than to me, as he looked at him.

'Yeah,' Yagami admitted with a sigh. 'I'm working on a tough case, that's why… It's like trying to catch a ghost.'

I saw how Light immediately understood about which case his father was talking about.

I wish that he hadn't talked about the case at all, though, because now, he seemed to remember something. 'Right, Upson,' he said, turning to me, 'what were you saying during the meeting? It seemed like you'd figured something out.'

I could almost _feel_ Light's eyes on my face without even looking at him. 'I'd rather not talk about it,' I admitted. 'After all, it's just a theory.'

'But your theories are never wrong!' Sayu said, clearly repeating something her father had told her before, when I wasn't here to listen and correct him.

I suddenly had lost all appetite. 'Not quite, unfortunately.' I swallowed even though there wasn't anything left in my mouth. 'But if you must know… I think soon, the big boss will tell us that it's a student we're looking for.'

Silence. Utter silence. I looked at Light, but he'd gone back to eating, not looking at me. Then I looked at Yagami and I could see how his brain was working, figuring out how I came to that conclusion. But before figured it out, Sachiko interrupted us. 'Please, let's not talk about this at dinner time.'

I immediately took the blame. 'Yes, I'm so sorry.'

Then, Light put his bowl down. 'Thanks for the dinner, mom,' he said, standing up.

'That was fast!' his sister called out and I agreed. That _was_ fast. Was he fleeing because I was here?

Light brought his bowl to the kitchen as he said: 'Sayu, we're done with the homework, right?'

'Yep, thank you!' she said with a big grin.

'You're still getting help from Light, Sayu?' Yagami asked his daughter with a strict tone only a parent could have.

'Hey!' she shouted to Light, who was already on his way to the door to the stairs which took him to his room. 'Why'd you have to tell him?!'

* * *

XxX

I stayed to chat for another hour, helped Sayu finish up her homework and wanted to take my leave when Yagami came to me in the hall. I was already wearing my coat and was trying to put on my shoes. 'May I ask you something, Upson?' he asked serious.

When people ask that without clarifying what it was they wanted to ask, I also got cautious. 'Depends on the question,' I said and I was surprised that I could hear a hint of panic in my voice.

'Light is growing up so fast,' he said, which startled me. I hadn't expected a question about his personal life. 'He doesn't want Sachiko to clean his room anymore and he is almost off to college. I just wanted to ask you… is there anything you can do or say to tell him that he's not in this alone? You know, say a few good words to him, tell him about college?'

This was unfair. Maybe Yagami didn't know that, but this was unfair. I wasn't a parent, and I understood that he wanted me – as someone of the same age as Light – to talk to him because it seemed easier, but it really wasn't. _He_ should tell his son that. But he was afraid, for some reason. But this was unfair. I had been alone. I was still alone. Could you really ask me such a thing?

But then again, I've always had a hard time saying no. 'Of course, Yagami-san.' I stepped out of my shoes and walked back into the living room, through the door, upstairs. I had been upstairs a few times, but never in Light's room. I had been in Sayu's room and I had showered here once. Never anything else. But I knew that the first door was the one that belonged to Light. Not because it stood on the door, like on Sayu's door, but because Light was the smartest person in de Yagami household, and he had three traps.

The first one was easy to spot. A small piece of paper between the door, which would fall down if the door was opened. The second one was also easy to see if you knew what you were looking for. A small piece of lead, leaning above one of the metal hinges. Hard to see when the doors closed, but not invisible. When opened, it would break. And the last one maybe wasn't even a trick. I noticed that the door handle wasn't completely up, just a tiny bit down. I wasn't sure if this was a trick or not, but after I knocked on the door and Light said I could come in, I let the piece of lead break and the piece of paper fall. I wasn't sure why, I could've impressed Light by removing both before opening the door, but for some reason, I didn't want to impress Light.

But Light did impress _me_. His room looked a lot like mine. The books, the neat bed, even the clean desk. He seemed to be just as proper as that one clean room in my house, the only room I trusted. This seemed to be the only room that Light trusted and he'd made sure to keep it that way.

He turned around in his chair to look at me and he clearly looked surprised. Well, I thought he looked that way. Again, with Light, I was never sure. 'What do you want?' he said and even though his words might not have been so friendly, he'd sounded perfectly friendly saying them.

I sighed. 'Your father asked me to talk to you. May I?' I asked, pointing at the bed.

Light made a hand gesture that told me to go ahead.

I sat down on the bed, it didn't creak, which was nice. My bed did. That's why I slept on the sofa. Didn't want to get rid of the bed, didn't want to sleep in a creaking bed either. 'So,' I said. 'You're going to college soon.' It wasn't a question. I didn't like asking questions. Questions meant not knowing the answer.

'Yes,' he said, answering a question a didn't ask.

'And which University did you chose?' I asked. I was sure he'd chosen a university. This was Light. Light was smart, intelligent. And he knew that.

'To-Oh,' he answered. Then a smile flashed across his face. 'Like you.'

Maybe that was why I didn't like Light. His smile always seemed fake to me. 'Ah, right. Well, great choice,' I said, sounding like Matsuda for some reason. I should be better at this. But I wasn't.

'Was that all you wanted to talk about?' he asked me, sounding slightly annoyed now, but again, I was never sure.

I sighed, strangled my fingers together and leaned forward. 'Look, all I want you to know is that your father loves you very much. He wants you to know that, too. But for some reason, he is too stubborn to come up and tell you this himself.' I leaned back, then stood. 'That's all I came to tell you.' But when I stood in the open doorframe, I changed my might and looked around. 'Light?' I said slowly, softly.

He looked at me with curious eyes too perfect to me true.

'I understand it if you want to do everything on your own. But please realise that you are, in fact, not alone.' After I said that I walked out and closed the door, not bothering to put the handle down a few millimetres. I looked at a part of the piece of lead on the floor. Broken. Alone.

I didn't feel sorry for breaking it and throwing it off its place.

* * *

XxX

Kira started to kill more regularly then. Made sure someone died each hour, showing us what he could do. Some officers thought this meant he _wasn't_ a student. The 'big boss' seemed to think this was Kira challenging him. And I agreed, though I'd never say that out loud.

It was easy to deduce that Kira had a way of obtaining the information from headquarters, but I was quite certain that L could figure that out on his own. He'd also figured out on his own that Kira needed a name and face to kill, so I believed in him and his abilities.

It was around that time that a lot of the officers on the Task Force (the name of the group police officers on the Kira-case) resigned. They valued their lives, were afraid of the danger. Yagami wanted to protest, but I assured him that this was something that was up to them. How much they valued their life and how much they valued justice was different from some other people on this team. Some moved to different departments. Others quit altogether.

L was surprisingly quiet the days after. I would say he was hurt, but I didn't know him well enough to be sure. The moment L was completely back in the business was when we kept getting phone calls of strange situations this time. Victims who acted strangely before they died, not just heart failure. Even though you couldn't see his face, the man in black – who confirmed he was indeed a man and that we may call him 'Watari' – clearly was surprised. Yagami told me the situations and I ticked them into the computer. Not entirely willing to do so, though, as I knew the moment it was in our database was the moment Kira could obtain the information.

' _For these victims, please do not announce them in any more detail than "dead of heart failure,"'_ ' L told us only a few minutes after. ' _There's a possibility that Kira is conducting a test. We may be feeding the results to him through media._ ' Or through our Task Force Database.

'Fine,' Yagami said as I finally had the courage to say out loud, 'or through our Task Force Database.'

The remaining Task Force looked at me confused, but I was staring into the lens of the webcam, almost feeling two eyes staring back. 'Isn't that right, L?' I asked, my voice as monotone as I could make it sound.

There was a long pause, as if he didn't want to admit that I was right. Then, he spoke. 'You're correct. Kira might connected to the Task Force.' There was another pause, almost as if he gave the Task Force a moment to react. Then he said: 'However, I would appreciate it if you all would keep this a secret from everything and everyone around you. And keep it in the database, miss Upson.'

I shivered as he said my last name, it felt strange to hear such a distorted voice say my name so clearly.

Later that day, Matsuda gave me a friendly slap on the shoulder. 'You were right!' he said to me, smiling. 'You must be proud of yourself, you figured something out again!'

The problem with being me was that I, for some reason, never felt proud.

* * *

XxX

The case took a turn for the worse, or maybe for the better, on new years eve.

'What? The FBI?!' Yagami shouted through the office.

'Four in Tokyo, two in Kanagawa and one in Chiba and Saitama. All died from heart attacks,' I explained more clearly, reading it from the e-mail I had just gotten. Yagami didn't like sitting behind a screen all day and since I had no problem with it whatsoever, he often put me behind his laptop to check his e-mails and other files.

'FBI agents having heart attacks in Japan?' one officer said, overhearing what I'd just said. Which wasn't odd, considering that Yagami had been shouting, attracting a lot of attention.

'Huh?!' a few other added.

'And there's evidence that the agents were monitoring the Japanese police,' I added, making the already noisy office even noisier.

'What?!' a larger group screamed.

'What's the meaning of this?!' Aizawa said.

'Contact the FBI immediately!' Ukita shouted.

As people started to shout, I noticed how Watari closed the laptop, but it in his small suitcase and left. For a second, I wondered if I should stop him, or at least inform my boss that he was getting away, but I ended up saying nothing.

A few phone calls after that I realised why Watari had left. 'The FBI surveyed those related ti this investigation at L's direction?!' Yagami shouted into the phone, as if being louder would change the situation.

'L… I knew we couldn't trust him,' someone sighed.

Wrong. I understood where L was coming from. If Kira indeed had a connection to the Task Force, he couldn't tell us about the fact that he'd send FBI agents to investigate. That would mean that Kira would know, meaning that the investigation was useless.

More people started to talk about resigning now. Not only because of L, but because of Kira's sudden homicidal act. He'd attacked FBI agents. They weren't criminals. If they were in danger, we all were.

I sighed, grabbed one strand of my hair and twisted it around my finger while blowing a bubble with my gum. Well, L, maybe you should've watched your FBI agents _and_ the prisoners. Now you've lost your toys. Are you ready to lose even more of them?

* * *

XxX

Not so long after that, Yagami called everyone out. We were all sitting in the office, staring at our boss. So many people, so many lives for Kira to destroy.

'We may be killed by Kira,' Yagami said, which meant that we were off to a great start. I knew what he was going to say, but his intense expression and serious eyes made me unable to look away. 'The fact that members of the FBI were killed means that he will murder anyone who opposes him, in addition to criminals. Think of yourself, think of your family, and think of your friends. Those who wish to resign may do so now. No one who leaves will receive a demotion. I've already left your reassignments up to the vice-director. But whomever is willing to sacrifice everything I've mentioned to fight Kira, be here at five o'clock, when I return from my meeting.' After that he stood. He bowed. Said, 'it was a pleasure to work with each one of you'. And he left. Left us. Left _me_. To me, this wasn't a question. I couldn't do another job, join another case. Not because I was thinking badly of Kira, more like I was kind of indifferent about the situation. People die and people are murdered every day. What Kira wants to do is good, the way he does it is bad. But just as he didn't have the right to judge criminals, I had no right to judge him.

* * *

XxX

I remained seated for the entire hour, not surprised at how many left. Ten, twenty. I soon lost count. I was staring at the man in the corner, with his laptop open. Knew that L could see, that L was watching. I hated not being able to see his eyes. Eyes were like windows, they could show you so much if you looked further than the surface. But L hid, locked himself away. And could you blame him?

Yagami came in at exactly 5 P.M. I could see that he kept his face neutral on purpose. 'Only six,' he muttered. Then he shook his head. 'No. Six who are willing to put their lives on the line to confront evil. Including me, that's six.' He sat down next to me, not looking surprised to see me sitting here. 'But how can we continue the investigation while we're this understaffed?'

'Director!' Matsuda said with a smile. He was the only one still smiling. 'If you include L and Watari, that makes eight!'

I could see at the expressions on Yagami's face that he didn't like that idea. I also saw that nobody but Matsuda seemed to like this idea.

' _It is only you, with your strong conviction, that I trust,_ ' L spoke, still hiding behind machines to hide his identity.

I wasn't surprised when the words that I knew were on some people's lips escaped. 'Ho-hold on a second,' one of the five left said. 'L says that he trusts us. But we don't trust _him_.'

'L, we're determined to catch Kira even if it costs us our lives. We should all understand what it means to put that on the line.' Now I just felt like they were playing unfair. L wasn't a police officer. He was a detective. He was _always_ putting his life on the line, simply by being who he was.

'But you just order us around without showing your face!'

'We will pursue Kira, but not with your assistance.'

'And we're not the only ones. Many people doubt you or even oppose you.'

'Definitely! Twelve members of the FBI are dead because of you. You can't argue with the circumstances.'

Yagami joined the conversation now. 'There are some criminal psychologists who are saying that L is Kira. They claim that L has multiple personalities,' he said. 'The one who ordered the FBI to move was L and the FBI agents who came to Japan are all dead. L would have known who they were.'

'And that's not all! He may have staged everything up until now by himself.'

'The fact that he's been able to solve any case without revealing himself adds weight to that theory.'

Oh, come on, this was nonsense. 'Excuse me!' I shouted before anyone else could speak. It got their attention. I rarely raised my voice. I cleared my throat before I spoke. 'L, even though I do not agree with most of the things these guys have been saying' – Aizawa said an insulted 'hey!' – 'I do believe that this can only work if you worked alongside of us, not above us. For some, it'll be easier to trust you – and work with you – that way.'

After I was done talking, everyone was silent. I hoped this meant they agreed with me, but I wasn't sure.

' _…_ _Earlier I said that I only trust you,_ ' the computer-voice said. Then a message appeared on screen, I could see how L typed his words from the other side of the connection.

 _"What happens from now on must be kept between the nine of us."_

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Ooh, la la, are you having a date with the Task Force, L? Okay, that wasn't funny. Sorry. I'm not a funny person. Maybe a little. I fall down a lot, so that's pretty funny, I guess.**


	3. L

**Hello! ;) Someone pointing out that I got my numbers all confused, so I'll try to fix that soon. Oopsie. :s And I noticed that the Task Force in the manga, at least in the beginning, is different than the anime, so that was confusing. I haven't seen the anime in so long, though, so maybe I'm wrong.**

 **I don't own Death Note. Never did, probably never will. Oh, and I make typos. And I am too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **3\. L**

 _"_ _What happens from now on must be kept between the nine of us. Soon, we'll meet in person."_

Ah, L was the man with the plan, wasn't he? Typing afraid someone might hear this, meaning this was more dangerous than what we'd discussed so far. And this seemed like he had a plan, like he planned this to happen.

" _None of you will mention a word of our meetings or the things mentioned in it. That includes, of course, your family, friends, and the rest of the police. Leave and consider whether or not you can promise me the above and put your faith in me. I'll set up the meeting when those who have decided they can trust and work with me return to this room._ "

They all left the room quickly. I took my time. Stood slowly, moved slowly, almost intrigued by the words on the screen. I bowed for Watari and the laptop. 'If you'll excuse me,' I said and then I left. But I would have given up all I had if I could stay there and talk to L alone. But I knew that was something I couldn't do.

I walked out, to the main hall and heard how they discussed. Heard one of them say: '…why would he reveal himself just to get our cooperation?'

I put my hands in my pockets, blew a bubble and entered the scene. 'L has been waiting for this,' I told them, way too aware of the open door behind me. I was sure I'd closed it.

'What do you mean?' Matsuda asked.

'There have always been people among the investigators who didn't trust L. One resignation after another, and the information leak within the Task Force.' I sighed. 'You guys must understand that he couldn't trust us under those conditions.'

'He was waiting for people he could trust, and people who trusted him and would stand up to evil without fear of death,' Yagami added, understanding what I was trying to say.

One investigator, one whose name I never knew, turned around, his hands were fists. 'In any case, if we're going to work with L, I'm out.' He walked to the door, waving to us. 'But don't worry,' he said as he walked out, 'I'm not going to follow you guys or try to figure out L's true identity.'

When he was gone, I blew another bubble and said: 'I'll stay on the Task Force, even if that means working with L.'

'I'll try to trust L and work with him,' Ukita said.

'Me too,' Aizawa added.

We soon returned, only six of us left. I could feel how L looked at us and started typing again.

" _Right now I'm in a room at the Teito hotel._ "

I heard some people gasp. Teito wasn't even a five minute walk from here. I had been right. He had known.

" _I'll be moving from hotel to hotel every few days. From now on, the police building is only the headquarters in name. Instead, the true headquarters will be my hotel room._ "

Which meant a lot of time with L, more than I thought we would get.

" _Now, I'll have to take precautions so Kira doesn't know my face, so we won't all be together. However, it's a compromise I will make now that I have your trust and cooperation._ "

So maybe not as much time as I thought I would get. That was fine. I never thought I would see the day were I would see L's face. Maybe L will lie and sent someone else, an actor, in his place, but I think I would be able to tell if he wasn't the man who spoke to us through a laptop for months.

" _If you're willing to trust and work with me, split into two groups. Get my room number from Watari and come here before midnight tonight. I'll be waiting._ "

* * *

XxX

Matsuda, Yagami and I were one group, Aizawa, Ukita and Mogi the second. We went by elevator as the other group went by stairs. I held my bag clammed against my chest, almost scared. But mostly exited. We entered the hotel room and at first I didn't see anyone, but then I saw him. He stood there, in a surprisingly bad position. The way he stood wasn't good for his back, he should know that. His hair black, with amazing volume and dark circles under his eyes, showing that he hadn't slept much the past few… years. He looked pale, almost sick. If he lay still on the ground, playing dead, he could have fooled me. He also looked young, which surprised me. And his fashion sense was terrible. Baggy blue jeans and a white shirt. Then again, I was a police officer wearing a purple dress and black and white leggings and gloves, so maybe I wasn't the one to judge.

'I am L,' he announced, which didn't surprise me. Almost all great minds were a bit… well, how do I say this? Fucked up.

'I am Yagami, the chief of police,' Yagami said holding up his batch and introducing himself.

'I'm Matsuda,' Matsuda stammered after Yagami had introduced himself.

'Aizawa.' 'Ukita.' 'Mogi.' I wasn't sure if I was supposed to say 'Olivia' or 'Upson', so I just kept my mouth shut.

The young man who claimed to be L raised his hand, pretending it was a pistol. And pretending he shot Yagami. 'Bang!' he shouted, his face way too serious for this to be a joke.

'Huh?' Matsuda said.

'That's not funny!' Aizawa sputtered.

The man put his hand down. 'If I was Kira, you'd be dead, Mr Yagami,' he said, very business-like. As if he was telling Yagami that it was going to rain tomorrow. 'As you may already know, Kira must know the name and face of his victim to kill him. Logically speaking, it is impossible to kill someone only by knowing their name and face, but that's what Kira's been doing, so we can only conclude that Kira uses a supernatural killing method. We are the only ones left pursuing Kira. So please, do not give away your names so recklessly. You must be more cautious.'

I understood what this had been. Not only did he provide us with information, but he also confirmed that he was L with a few good chosen words. Very smart indeed.

'He needs to know names?' Matsuda asked, 'sharp' as always. 'It that true? I've heard that he only needs to know the face…'

'Criminals whose names were either wrong or kept hidden survived some mass killings,' Yagami explained.

'But judging only based on that… isn't that too…' Matsuda didn't finish his sentence. And even though L hard turned himself around, walking towards the more spacious part of the hotel room, I imagines him rolling his eyes at that remark.

'Let's get down to business,' he then said, turning his head to look at us. He pointed at the four chairs and the couch, set up around a table were teacups stood. Then his finger moved to a table closer a us, it looked like a table especially made for chess. 'Turn off your cell phones and laptop computers and put them on the table.'

Everyone seemed kind of hesitant, but I didn't really see the problem, so I turned off my phone and walked over to the table, putting my phone down.

I walked over to L, who was still standing there, but slowly turning around as the remaining officers walked towards the table.

'Does L suspect that we will broadcast the conversation with cell phones…?' Aizawa muttered.

'Just do it,' Yagami said, his voice strict.

'It's not like this is the first time he hasn't trust us…' Ukita sighed. 'I wonder if he ever will.'

L walked over to one of the chairs and stepped over it, rather than sitting down normally. Talking about sitting normally, he didn't do that either. He crouched, his hands on his knees and de spoke: 'You're wrong. I merely don't want our conversation to be interrupted by incoming calls.' As the other officers walked over and studied the peculiar way the detective sat, I sat down on the couch right from L, in the middle, leaving room for Yagami to sit next to him. 'Do not write down anything,' the detective then ordered. 'Also, don't call me L. Call me Ryuzaki from now on. Safety first.' When no one but me sat down, he added: 'Okay. Sit.'

Yagami sat down next to me on one side, Matsuda on the other. The remaining officers all took a chair. Then Matsuda spoke. 'I just had an idea. If Kira needs the names and faces to be able to kill them, all we have to do is stop all the news channels from broadcasting information about criminals.' Not a stupid thing to say, actually, which was surprising. But I believed that L would have thought this possibility through.

Which he had, since he answered almost immediately. 'If we do that, Kira will kill innocent people instead.' It was logical, really. He killed that Lind-guy, after all. He'd done nothing wrong, he had merely bullied and ridiculed Kira a little. Hell, if you thought about it, Kira sounded rather childish.

'Innocent people?' Ukita repeated.

'Why would he do that?' Aizawa added.

'I know how he thinks,' L answered, taking his teacup in his hand and slowly bringing it to his face. 'Because Kira is childish and a sore loser. Yes, I'm quite sure about that. After all, I'm also childish and I hate to lose.'

That made me smile, but I bit my smile back. I had studied L's tactics before, had seen prove of what he just stated. Well, at least he was aware of it and not afraid to admit it. I doubted that Kira would ever be honest enough to admit it.

'What do you mean, L – I mean, Ryuzaki?' Yagami asked, leaning forward a bit.

L took a sip of his tea and then put the cup tea down, almost with a disappointed look on his face. He started to drop sugar cubes in his teacup as he spoke. 'When I publicly challenged Kira on national television, Kira killed the fake L without a second thought, breaking his pattern of only killing terrible criminals. Furthermore, when I announced my hypothesis that Kiri is in Kanto, the killing became concentrated in Japan. During the time the FBI agents were killed, the deaths were concentrated in the same area as well.' Fifteen sugar cubes, sixteen sugar cubes. The seventeenth tumbled over the edge and ended up on the table. 'Not only is Kira not afraid of our attempts, he counterattacks accordingly. He is very stubborn about not losing…' He stopped filling his teacup with sugar and put his hands back on his knees. 'What do you think he'd do if you stopped all broadcasting of criminal information?'

I wished I had been brave enough to give an answer, but I wasn't. None of my theories were certain and I didn't want the great detective L to think I was stupid. And I wasn't the only one. No one answered, leaving L to answer his own question.

'"If you don't show me the criminals, I'll start killing suspects of minor crimes, or even innocent people. The world is my hostage! Their deaths won't be on my hands, you're the one who hid the criminals from me!" That is what Kira will think.'

Everyone stared at L and as I looked over at Aizawa, I saw that he was impressed. And he didn't seem to like it.

L – or maybe I should start calling him 'Ryuzaki' now, even though the mere thought of it felt fake and wrong – wasn't done talking, though. 'The most important thing now is to make sure the media doesn't show anything about us here.' I saw how he moved his toes as he spoke, almost as if he was playing with them. Was he bored? 'Still, I think the media can be of use to us.' Now he brought one hand to his lips, putting the tip of his finger on his lower lip and looking up as he said: 'As luck would have it, many countries – including the United States – have agreed to provide any scientific and intelligence support they can for this case. So, what if we do this… Announce something like "the US government is furious about the murder of the FBI agents. Kira has also enraged all the leaders of the world. The United Nations have sent 1500 investigators to Japan to assist in the capture of Kira". With that, Kira's opponent will no longer be just the FBI. He will consider anyone he sees on the street as a potential enemy. This will cause plenty of mental stress and discomfort.'

Only if he believed it. 1500 sounded like a lot, a large number. If Kira was as smart as I thought, he would figure out that it was a trick, and completely ignore it. It I saw such a message on television, I wouldn't believe it.

But, apparently, I was the only one who thought so.

'A-awesome!' Ukita said, showing how impressed he was.

Now only he, but also Aizawa couldn't hid how impressed he was by this young man any longer. 'Our small team suddenly becomes 1500 people. Yet, unlike the agents, most of those investigators don't exist.'

Yagami cleared his throat. 'Ryuzaki, I'll bring this up to my superiors immediately.'

'I wonder what Kira will do!' Matsuda said, sounding excited.

I sighed, wanted to say 'he'll probably know that it's a trick, right?', but nothing came out. So I just sighed again.

Which apparently got L's attention, because he looked at me as he spoke, his eyes seemed curious, but also empty. I recognized this feeling, had felt this before. The feeling that I couldn't tell what the person was thinking, because the windows behind his eyes were closed. 'Let me share a few personal insights on the case,' he said. 'First, Kira acts alone, we can see this clearly from earlier reports.' He put his thumb against his lip now and I thought he was going to bite his nail, but he kept talking. 'Kira needs to know the face and name of his victims and he can control the time of death and the actions leading up to the victim's death, to some extent.' Then, suddenly, he leaned forward and pushed all the teacups away, clearing a part of the table. He grabbed a marker from his pocket. 'Remember everything I have said so far and continue listening.' Then he started writing on the desk.

I'm not kidding. I wish I was, but L was writing on the desk, a desk that did not belong to him. He could've asked for a piece of paper, but maybe he was too lazy. He didn't seem all that lazy though. He didn't seem strong, let me clarify that, but he didn't look like someone who sat behind his laptop drinking tea with over ten sugar cubes in each cup. Maybe I should change the way I sat, too.

'December 14,' L said, drawing dates, numbers and letter on the table so his story was easier to follow. 'Twelve FBI agents entered Japan on that date. Then, on December 19th, Kira is clearly using the criminals in the prison to test out his control over de victims' actions before their deaths.' He kept drawing, but I noticed that I was looking at his face and not at the things he was scribbling down. 'In other words, Kira noticed the FBI agents some time in these five days and in order to eliminate the agents whose identities were unknown to him, Kira needed to test how well he was able to control the victims' actions.'

Did he study this, like a script? Had he lines? It sounded like that. The way he looked, the way he acted. He probably wasn't used to people. And people weren't used to him, which was quite easy to tell.

'December 27th, using the results of the experiments, Kira successfully gathered the names and pictures of the agents. Then he sent the files to all the agents before killing them. This is so that we won't know which agent Kira acquired the information from. This also proves that Kira had contact with at least one of the agents.'

I felt like this was all information we already knew, but the way he sound it made it sound like a mystery that was sold, as if he suddenly gave us all the answers.

'The bodies of the twelve agents were found throughout the city. Between the 19th and the 27th… there were 23 killings. Most of the victims were only suspected of a crime, but some had criminal records. These are starkly different from Kira's regular victims. Kira killed even those he wouldn't otherwise kill to eliminate the threat of FBI agents. He killed 23 people, but most of them served as cover-ups, only a few of them had any purpose. Between his experiments and the killing of the agents, Kira waited 8 days. This is probably to let the agents investigate more suspects, so he wouldn't stand out. In any case, Kira is among the people investigated during this time.' His marker circled around the space between December 14th and December 19th. 'Kira couldn't have known the name and faces of the agents before he could distribute the documents, one of them must've gotten the documents first. I know the order in which the 12 agents got the documents. These documents are supposed to be classified, but…' He took out a folder from under his chair and handed it so Yagami, who handed it to me, and I handed it to Matsuda. I didn't want to look at the documents. I wanted to look at the detective.

'Amazing!' Matsuda said, handing a few papers to Aizawa. 'With these we can start immediately!'

'First we find the common points between those 23 victims and 12 agents…' Ukita said, his face showed that he was completely in 'thinking-mode'.

'We can look for clues in two teams, one for the FBI agents and one for the 23 deaths!' Aizawa added.

L dropped the marker, which rolled towards me. Not intentional, of course. '…Any questions?' he asked and now he definitely looked bored.

He almost got completely ignored, since the investigators had gotten new information they could study. Matsuda, Mogi, Ukita and Aizawa were already busy investigating the documents L had just given them.

Me and Yagami were both still looking at L.

'Ryuzaki,' Yagami said after a long silence. 'I have a question. You said that you hate to lose. Is showing yourself in front of us a failure for you?'

There was a reason Yagami was chief of the NPA. That man wasn't only tough and strict, he was also smart.

'Yes,' L admitted a second after Yagami had finished his question. 'This meeting and the death of the twelve FBI agents are all… completely my fault.'

I tried not to take that as an insult.

'However,' he then said, a small smile on his lips, 'I will win in the end. This is the first time I've risked my life to catch a criminal. I want let everyone here know that justice will prevail!' His smile became wider, almost like a child's smile, as he said that.

And it seemed to fire everyone up.

'That's right!' Mogi said.

'Justice will prevail!' Matsuda shouted, still as excited as always.

'Let's get him!' Ukita added.

'Yeah, let's go, L… I mean, Ryuzaki!' Aizawa said.

'Great!' L said, jumping out of his chair. 'Now, I wish to speak with each of you individually for a final check to make sure that Kira is not one of you…'

* * *

 **XxX**

 **End of the chapter! Yayy. I think I'm going to keep writing now, I'll write a few chapters in advance, because I'm busy this upcoming few… months. Oopsie…**

 **Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a review if you feel like it :D**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **WildfireDreams: oopsie! I'll try to fix that, but maybe I let it slide. Everyone makes mistakes. And I'm well aware of L's age, but don't worry, even though she** ** _is_** **much younger than he is, she is of legal age (that sounded creepier than I thought it would… oops). See it another 'dramatic' aspect of their relationship ;)**


	4. Disguise

**_The hills are alive! With the sound of murder!_** **Geez, that song's been stuck in my had all day xD**

 **Anyhow, here's another chapter for you guys! With a hint about Olivia's past ;)**

 **And I have a very busy weekend, so expect no new chapters apart from this one this week. Next chapter will be next… Friday, I think?**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **4\. Disguise**

It was perfectly reasonable, of course. He was going to work with us, risking his life more than he ever had in the process. The least we could do was cooperate.

And it made leaving easier. Since it was so late at night, Ryuzaki said we were free to go when he was done talking to us. So we all left one at the time, making it a lot less noticeable. It just so happened that I was the last one.

He spoke with us in another part of the giant hotel room, which was more like an apartment than a room. He asked me if I was okay with our conversation being recorded, which I said was fine, even though I didn't really think it was fine.

He sat in front of me, again crouching instead of sitting. He had a document in his hand and I knew that it must be my file. My secrets. I was starting to wonder if I should've walked away, before he read my files. Before my past came to haunt me again.

But the fact that he had my file ready in his hotel room told me that L probably already knew everything.

'Olivia Upson,' he said. I couldn't see his face, because he was holding his papers strangely. Everything he did seemed strange, but maybe it helped him think or something. 'Moved to Japan at age twelve and enrolled in college immediately, because of excellent scores in High School, which you finished years too early. Graduated at To-Oh two years after starting college… Ah, you joined the police force at age fifteen and now, at age eighteen, you are the chief's first assistant.' He lowered the papers to look at me. 'Quite the accomplishment,' he said, complementing me.

But I didn't take the compliment, didn't react. I knew he knew more, much more. He just started with the simple part of my life. I guess I should've been thankful for that, but, in the moment, I didn't feel thankful at all.

When I said nothing, he turned his head slightly and then raised the papers again, hiding his face again as well. As if to say 'okay, moving on'. 'You're European, even though you're quarter Japanese… And you've been in a witness protection program for almost seven years now.'

There it was. I swallowed hard, but the nasty taste in my mouth didn't disappear. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, but that didn't make the flashback stop. 'That's correct,' I said, surprised how normal my voice sounded.

'I shall leave the specifics of that part of your file out of the discussion for now,' he assured me, almost as if he wanted to calm me down.

It surprised me. I'd thought that he would want to know all about that part of my life. Maybe he already knew everything about it, enough so satisfy his curiosity. Or maybe he wasn't curious and he didn't really care about my past. 'Thank you very much.'

He lowered the papers again, looking straight at me with his dark, deep eyes. 'But I must also tell you that, if any of the members of the task force is indeed Kira, it's most likely you. Your IQ, age and overall behaviour fits his – or in this case 'her' – profile the best.'

I sighed, felt much more relieved now that the topic had changed to something that didn't frighten me. 'Yeah. I kind of knew that already,' I told him. But I wasn't worried. L was a great detective. He wouldn't find me guilty of a crime I wasn't guilty of.

'You don't seem worried,' he said. I only now noticed that even his voice was strange. Monotone, but also curious and soft.

I gave him a small smile. 'Because I'm not Kira.'

'Can you tell me why you weren't at the police station during the broadcast?' L then asked. I didn't even know he knew about that. Maybe Matsuda had told him, after all, he was the first one to be questioned. Or maybe he looked at the security camera tapes. Yes, it was probably the security cam tapes.

And I understood that that did make me suspicious. 'I was late,' I admitted shyly, still not worried. 'I'm often late, actually.'

L placed the papers on the table between us and put his hands on his knees. 'How convenient that you're often late, making it a more believable alibi.'

Smart guys could be annoying. But again, I wasn't worried. 'It sure is convenient. If I were Kira. Which I'm not. Because if you really thought I was Kira, you would've gotten the tapes from the security camera's around town and you would've seen that I didn't watch the broadcast. I was on the train.' With two slightly annoying teenage girls.

Then a childish, triumphant smile appeared on his face. It was a childish smile, it made him look much younger than he was. But the smile suited him, in a way. 'I know. I checked, he told me.

I had to admit that that surprised me. My mouth fell open. How much research was too much research? 'Oh. Okay. Then…' I sighed and breathed in deeply. 'Then you know I'm not Kira.'

'Yes, I'm quite sure,' he told me, bringing his thumb to his mouth again. 'Maybe you are the leak, but if you were, you would be consciously and that doesn't seem to be the case with the leak that's been informing Kira, so even that isn't likely. But your skills are admirable, so I'm happy you decided to stay. However,' he then said, standing up and walking to the only closet in the room, 'I do have a small problem with your… hair colour.'

I touched my hair without noticing. L _too_? I thought an oddball like him wouldn't care… 'What's wrong with my hai—'

L tossed me a box. When I looked at him confused, he made a gesture with his hand, telling me to open it without using words. I opened the box. A brown wig was inside it. It looked real. It looked expensive. I looked up at L – who was back in his chair – still confused.

'I have nothing against colours, but your hair colour stands out too much. I can ask you to stay at the police station and be our assistant from there, as someone would have to fulfil that role, but I'd rather have you here. If you decide to wear the wig, I also ask you to wear clothes that are less bright.' He put hands on his knees again. 'If you wish, you can remove the wig once inside. I only ask you to wear the wig when entering or leaving.'

I liked my hair. I felt like a mermaid with my blue locks of hair. Hiding it outside, would it be a big deal? I had enough black clothes in my closet, so the clothing-issue was no problem. But would I be okay with hiding myself, even though I hated it when others hid themselves? 'Okay, I'll do it,' I said after a short moment. 'But the moment you think it isn't necessary anymore, you should tell me.'

'Naturally,' he agreed. Then he reached under his chair, taking out a police badge and a necklace, with a small strawberry pendant dangling at the end. He handed both to me. 'Everyone in the task force gets a new badge with a different name. Even though "Olivia Upson" isn't your real name I figured that you wouldn't want to explain to the other members why your name remained unchanged, so your name on the batch is "Olivia Wilson".'

As I opened the badge to look, it indeed said that my name was Olivia Wilson. He even bothered to make my normally blue hair look brown. It looked so real.

'And the necklace is a tracking device, telling us where you are,' L told me. 'On the top of the pendant there's a small button. If you press that, Watari's cell phone will ring. I gave you a necklace because the others got a belt and I haven't seen you wearing a belt ever since the beginning of our cooperation.' Then he stood. 'That settles it. You may leave.'

I put the badge in the pocket of my coat and put the necklace on immediately. For a second I saw L opening his mouth and I thought he would offer me his help by putting the necklace on, but then he shut his mouth again and walked towards the door, opening it for me. 'Thank you for your cooperation,' he said before I walked out and he closed the door behind me.

Outside I was greeted by an older man, moustache and glasses and all. 'Watari, I assume?' I said with a small smile, my theory about Watari being old had been correct.

'Indeed,' he said with a polite smile, bowing for me as if _I_ was the elder here. 'It's quite late, so I'll bring you home.

* * *

XxX

'I'm home!' I shouted through the house. I thought that she wasn't home, which would explain why the lights were all out, but then I heard her familiar voice from the kitchen.

'Welcome home!' she shouted back.

I dropped my bag, with everything in it, in my room, which I walked past as I walked towards the kitchen and saw that Sanami was standing there, cooking a meal. I hadn't seen her in the kitchen for months now. The again, I hadn't seen her home for months now. 'How are you feeling?' I asked her, not sure what she would answer.

'I'm feeling great!' she said with a smile. 'I'm actually going to America next week! Remember that part I auditioned for back in August? I got the part!'

Having a twenty-nine year old as your guardian was never a great idea. She'd been too long to raise me and too busy to stick around. I never forced her to stay, why would I? I wasn't going to let my problems ruin this poor woman's life.

I sighed, taking out a piece of gum from my pocket and unwrapping it. 'That's great, Sanami,' I said before I put the piece of gum in my mouth and started chewing. She looked at me while I chewed, blew a bubble and let it pop, chewing again, but she didn't say anything. I knew she hated gum.

'How are you?' she then asked, looking at her food again, almost as if she didn't want to look at me. 'Anything new?'

Beautiful, ignorant Sanami. She probably had no idea what I was doing. 'I'm fine,' was all I said, knowing that she never asked me that question to receive an honest answer.

'Great,' she replied, happy with my short yet positive answer, whether it was the truth or not. Then she noticed the necklace. 'Where did you buy that?' she asked, reaching for it with one hand.

I stepped back, making sure she didn't touch it. She could accidently hit the button on top, which would lead to a lot of explaining. Not only that, but the thought that she would touch something that I got from L made me feel… annoyed. And slightly disgusted.

'Oh, sorry!' she said, noticing my sudden shyness. 'Didn't know it was so important. Excuse me.' She giggled, as if she'd forgotten what she was doing and where she was. Then she sighed. 'Could you pass me the salt, please?'

XxX

Normally I spent hours on the computer at home, working the whole night through. If I made sure to get a good night sleep once in a while, I could survive that. But today I didn't open my laptop, didn't do any work. I laid on my bed, stared at the ceiling and thought.

There was a leak. A leak in the police force. That much was sure. L had said it and I had thought it a few times. Was it someone in the team? I didn't think so. L would've known if it was, right? So then… it was someone's girlfriend? Wife? Child? A hacker, maybe?

But if it were a hacker, I should be able to put a program in the police database that recorded every IP address that logged into the database. In fact, if I had done that sooner, we could've seen who the leak was, even where it was coming from.

Maybe today I had some work to do. The only question was… would I tell the Task Force? Matsuda and the others wouldn't notice. Yagami could, maybe, but he didn't know a whole lot about computers. And L – no, Ryuzaki… He would be able to tell, wouldn't he? Maybe he already installed such a program. Or maybe he hadn't. Because he was a detective, not a part of the police force. He couldn't just randomly add secret programmes to the police's database. That didn't mean that he wouldn't notice. And since I worked on Yagami's account, he would be able to trace it back to Yagami and ask him questions… and end up with me.

It was a strange question. Should I tell them? Of course I should. But if someone didn't like the plan, if someone thought it was stupid, I'd have to hear them criticise me. And I hated that. I hated being wrong, I hated it when people saw things I didn't see, knew thing I didn't know.

I sat up, grabbed my laptop and opened it. I could design a hidden program, one that L would only find if he was explicitly looking for it. One that tracked IP addressed of everyone who logged in and saved the dates and times as well. That way, we could catch the leak.

And maybe even Kira.

I knew that what I was doing wasn't aloud. I was breaking all the rules, all the barriers. But I was the one in charge of the firewall around the police database, so the only one that could catch me doing this what I wasn't supposed to be doing was… well, me. And I could always tell L. The Task Force wasn't as open as he was to taking drastic measures. Which included the hacking the police database. It wasn't hacking if Kira used someone's username and password, but if he did that, I could still track him down.

Only minutes after I'd closed my laptop after I'd finished up my work, my phone ringed. When I picked it up, L spoke, without waiting for me to confirm that it was indeed me. 'I would appreciate it if you kept hacking your own database to a minimum. I have deleted the program. Personal safety, you see.' After that he just hung up.

I slowly put my phone down. Wow. _Wow._ That man was _good_. I had studied him for so long, knew his cases, knew – parts – of his past. Yet he still managed to amaze me. That guy had a gift.

I almost laughed when I thought about what he'd said to me. But this also meant that he had considered doing what I'd just trying to do, but he'd decided not to. He'd been one step ahead of me. But he hadn't criticised my eye, hadn't said it was a bad idea. He didn't want it for 'personal safety'. Maybe there was more to it, but the fact that he hadn't said anything about the quality of my plan gave me hopes. Maybe he actually _was_ impressed by my IQ, even though I could hardly believe that. Maybe I actually _could_ be of use. And I would be. I wouldn't follow Kira to the end of the world. I wouldn't follow justice to the end of the world, either.

But I would follow L to the end of the world, for sure.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Bit short, but there was nothing left to say, really. I'm not as tired as I usually am around 10 pm, so that's a pleasant surprise.**

 **So Olivia is 18. And L is 24. Making it a 6-year difference. Some may think that that's a big gap, and even though I don't disagree, I've seen relationships work with bigger age-gaps. A friend I have (currently 18 as well) is dating someone whose 29 and I have a few more examples like that, so I guess I'm used to it?**

 **And… she has a big appreciation for L, why could that be? Hmm… I guess a lot of you could guess why easily, but hey. Just because it's an obvious twist doesn't mean it's not a twist.**

 **Well, I've been rambling on more than enough. So… byeni!**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Aqua Lilly: L is 24 in the beginning of the manga, so I'll keep that age, because that's the age that was mentioned in the manga. So there 6 years apart, which to some is a lot, to others it doesn't seem like all that much. So. Yeah.**

* * *

 **XxX**


	5. Camera

**So I said next chapter would be up on Friday and tadaa! It's the next Saturday! I'm way too late!**

 **Well, that happens. Also, probably way more typos than in the first chapters, because I'm tired and I noticed that the chapters I write when tired have the most typos. So, have fun with that xD**

 **Also, these first few chapters are quite slow because there's lots of explanation and now many characters in the first chapters, but once the camera-investigation starts, there'll be more to work with, so please bear with me for a bit.**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

* * *

 **5\. Camera**

I was running through the crowd, sweating under the wig and my laptop getting heavier every single second. I hadn't planned this. I never planned to come late. Especially not during this case. I was going to be the perfect investigator, wearing my disguise, saying smart things and not bothering anyone. Well, at least that was when I thought when I came in too late two times in a row, making this the third one.

Boy, this wasn't a great start.

When I finally reached the hotel I used the time I spent in the elevator to fix my appearance. I wasn't even going to attempt to fix the wig without a mirror, but I made sure that my outfit didn't look like I had just ran a marathon. I also made sure to wipe the sweat of my forehead.

When I entered the room, it was clear that I had missed something, sinc Aizawa sat on the couch in front of numerous televisions, Matsuda and Yagami standing behind the couch as they were watching and listening to L. Watari was sitting a bit further in the back of the room, working on his laptop.

I loudly dropped my bag, but no one seemed to notice.

'Kira can control the person's actions before they die,' L said as I took of my coat and dropped that on the ground with more noise than necessary. 'This would explain why Penber's actions were stranger than those of the other twelve agents.'

I walked over to the couch, standing behind L, just because I could. Kind of like how you would sit next to Leonardo DiCaprio if he was ever on the bus. Which he of course never was, but that wasn't the point here.

Then, L seemed to notice something. It wasn't me, though. 'The envelope's gone?!' he said, almost shocked.

'Huh?' Aizawa asked, which made it clear to me that he and the others hadn't been aware of the envelope's existence.

'At the gated and before entering the train, he had an envelope with him,' L pointed out, making us all check the screen.

Aizawa even went as far as to lean in to the television, almost as if he wanted to teleport to the time and place shown. 'Oh! You're right!... He's holding it here, too!' I assumed Aizawa was pointing at something, but his huge head got in the way. 'That's amazing, Ryuzaki! You notice the smallest details!'

Duh. Worst's greatest detective, remember?.

Yagami shook his head. 'There weren't any envelopes among his articles.'

'So something happened on the train,' I said and finally people looked at me. No one gave me a good morning, though, but I forgave them since we were so busy with this case.

'Yes,' L agreed with me, looking at the screens instead of looking at either of us.

'Could the envelope have had the agents' information?' Yagami wondered.

'Kira stole the envelope while they were on the train and killed Penber once he got off!' Matsuda added, clenching his hands into fists.

This was the first time L made his head and he looked at Matsuda, who was standing next to me. 'Impossible,' he said so monotone it was almost harsh. 'Penber boarded at 3:13 and he received the information sometime after. Penber couldn't have received the information before 3:13.'

Matsuda relaxed his hands again, looking defeated. 'Oh. That's right,' he said, sounding just as defeated as he looked.

Then L looked over at Aizawa. 'Please bring me all the footage of the Yamanotesen security cameras starting from the 27th.'

'Roger!' Aizawa immediately said. It was almost funny to see how everyone trusted L without a doubt now.

'Also,' L added casually, 'on the footage of Penber's death… it seems as if he's trying to look towards the train before he died.'

'Is that an important detail?' Yagami asked after a short silence.

I wanted to say that every detail was important, but I was too afraid that if I said that, L wouldn't speak and I kind of loved it when he spoke. He was so different. Even though I couldn't really understand him, that didn't make me dislike him. I disliked Light because I could never tell what that boy was thinking, but I also got a feeling that he was always putting on a performance. No one could fake being L. Only the real L could be so strange, yet absolutely amazing and incredibly smart.

'I would be interesting if he was looking at Kira himself,' L pointed out.

Every single thought I had was gone the moment he said that. 'No… no way,' I said slowly. Kira couldn't be so dumb, could he? He didn't need to be there to kill the guy, right? Why would he go through the trouble?

'I don't think so either,' L assured me. 'Kira can kill people from far away, I don't think he would need to be so close to make this happen. But maybe he knows we'd think that, so he purposely stayed close to his victim.'

Everyone was silent, used to the fact that when Ryuzaki was thinking, it was hard for him to stop. 'Let's just say Kira really was on that train and the security cameras couldn't record the person who took the envelope. It's possible that before the incident, he scouted out the locations of all the cameras and their blind spots, but if he was ever caught on tape after all, he would become a major suspect.'

* * *

XxX

* * *

'Ryuzaki, headquarters has received an interesting phone call,' Watari told us, interrupting our work.

'Give the number to line five and have that person contact me directly,' Ryuzaki instructed Watari, speaking so fast that it almost seemed like he was thinking out loud.

Matsuda glanced over to me, with a look in his eyes that I understood. I'd seen it a lot these days from all the the police officers. The 'who-the-hell-is-this-person'-glance. I replied to his glance with a shrug.

Almost as if Ryuzaki noticed how Matsuda was looking at me, he turned to face him. 'Matsuda, you can turn on your cell. I mean, turn it on right now.'

'Oh, right,' Matsuda replied, immediately doing what L told him to do.

The moment he turned the phone on, it started to ring. Before Matsuda could answer, however, Ryuzaki grabbed the phone and put it to his ear, holding the phone in the same strange way he held everything. 'Yes, this is Suzuki, head of the Kira investigation public information division.'

Matsuda looked at his phone with a slightly confused look. Then he looked back at me with the same glance. This time, I smiled while shrugging. Almost as if to say 'just go with it'.

'Penber's fiancée?!' Ryuzaki suddenly said, looking and sounding actually surprised. Then, a few seconds later, he looked over at Watari. 'Misora Naomi… sounds familiar.' The moment Ryuzaki said that, Watari started to type, looking the person up on his computer.

Interested in what was going on, I stood, walking over to Watari to look. I actually expected Ryuzaki or Watari to forbid me to look, but they didn't say a word. When I looked, I saw her face and name, but sadly enough, she didn't look familiar to me. But then I saw something that I _did_ recognize. ' _Arrested perpetrator of the "Los Angeles BB serial killings_ ' _in August 2002'_. I had found that case while writing my paper about L. I knew he'd been part of that case, which meant that Misora Naomi must've worked for L during that case. And judging by what L just said, Naomi Misora was Penber fiancée. It wasn't that odd, considering that FBI-agents didn't have much time, so it seemed logical that a FBI-agents fell in love with another FBI-agent.

My train of thought came abruptly to a halt when Ryuzaki spoke. 'Yagami-san, is it still possible to locate cell phones that are turned off?' he asked.

What a weird question. Didn't he know? How come _L_ didn't know?

'Of course,' me and Yagami answered at the same time.

Ryuzaki nodded, then handed the phone back to Matsuda, who still looked quite confused. 'Raye Penber and his fiancée came to Japan and stayed at the same hotel… A day after Rare died, Naomi disappeared.'

I bit back a smile. I was right!

'She must've been devastated by Raye's death, so maybe…' Matsuda didn't dare to say the word out loud.

Aizawa was less afraid, though. 'Suicide…'

'No,' Ryuzaki said, immediately throwing that idea out of the window. 'I doubt it. Naomi has too strong of a will to do that. She'd go after Kira on her own instead. She was with Penber, so maybe she knows something…' There was a short silence, a silence in which everyone tried to think, but the only one to actually do any thinking was L. 'Penber definitely gave Haley Belle, the first agents to receive the profiles, a call. Afterwards, Belle sent the information to Penber. The person who wanted the information the most should be Penber, with his strange behaviour in Yamanotesen, along with Naomi's disappearance…'

Aizawa said what we were all thinking now. 'There's something to all of this.'

'Yes,' Ryuzaki agreed. 'Everyone, please investigate all the people Penber was following ever since Kira began his experiments on December 19th. The list should be small. However, Kira should be among them. Se we can't reveal ourselves by directly questioning those people.'

Right. Of course. Even though Kira needed a name and face to kill, getting closer to Kira than necessary was too dangerous.

'Penber was investigating your families,' he then announced. 'Even though Penber's report said that the families were not suspicious, in every family that Penber investigated, please install hidden cameras and electronic bugs in all of their homes.'

Everyone was silent for a while. Shocked. Even for me, this went quite far. Sanami was rarely home, of course, but still, someone watching her cook and learn her lines for her new drama seemed… dirty.

'No… No way! You can't do that in Japan!' Matsuda protested loudly. I was pretty sure you couldn't do that wherever Ryuzaki was from, either, though. He just didn't really care.

'No matter how powerful you are or what your background is, you can't do that!' Aizawa added. 'This is a major breach of privacy rights. If our bosses found out, we'd all lose our job. And then the suspects…'

'Do you value your jobs over human lives?' L asked us.

I froze. No. I didn't. At least, I didn't think I did. I had been worried about Sanami's privacy and my own, kind of, but I hadn't thought of the fact that Kira _was_ among those people.

Yagami seemed to realise this, too, because he didn't protest. He only asked Matsuda: 'Who was Penber investigating at the time?'

He worked through the papers until he found the date we were looking for. 'From the 19th Penber was investigating…' he stopped. Whoever it was, it wasn't good. Was it his family? Mine? Yagami's family?

When Matsuda didn't answer, Ryuzaki did it for him. He clearly knew Penber's files through and through. 'Sub-chief Kitamura's family and chief Yagami's family,' he said, making all the police officers in the room freeze.

After a short silence, he said: 'Then please install cameras and electronic bugs in these two households.'

'No way!' Matsuda said again, 'I told you, that's illegal!'

'If anyone found out, everyone here would be fired!' Aizawa added.

I noticed that those two only repeated their one argument. That wasn't going to hold up against L's reasoning. They should come up with more arguments.

'Well, then you must install them as discreetly as possible,' Ryuzaki said simply, as if that would solve the problem.

I looked over at Yagami now, checking if he was okay. He didn't _look_ okay. He was sweating as if he'd just ran up and down the stairs eighteen times. 'Ryuzaki,' he said slowly, choosing each and every word carefully. 'What is the chance that Kira is actually in one of these families?'

Ryuzaki looked up at the ceiling as he thought, calculating in his head. 'Hmm, about ten percent. No, more like five percent.'

That didn't seem right. After all he'd explained to us, everything he'd told us, it must be higher. Or, he kept his own opinion and intuition out of the calculation. Which was professional, but he _was_ L. I believed that sharing his intuition and opinions was about as save as believing his calculations.

'Only five percent…' Matsuda said, clearly hating the idea more and more the more Ryuzaki spoke.

'Right. Normally I'd want at least a fifty percent chance of me being right before doing something like this,' Aizawa said. Oh, please. You wouldn't do something like this even if you had a hundred percent chance of being right. Being extreme was what made L 'L'.

'Even now, we still do not have a suspect,' I said slowly, putting my hand on Yagami's back as he was trembling right now. 'Even if the odds were one percent, we'd still have to investigate it thoroughly. Because, if you ignore that one percent, there is also a one percent chance that we overlooked Kira.'

'What do you mean, Olivia?' Matsuda said. 'Do you mean we have to install illegal surveillance equipment? Don't we have any other choice?'

'My family,' Yagami said softly. Then he clenched his hands into fists and shook my hand off. 'I cannot accept that my family is a suspect. Please, install them,' he told Ryuzaki with all the pride he had. 'Also,' he then added, sounding more threatening than before, 'make sure every single angle of the house if being monitored.'

'Thank you for your cooperation, I was going to do that anyways,' Ryuzaki said. It was not only a poor choice of words, but also, because of his monotone tone, he didn't sound grateful at all.

'Chief! What are you thinking!' Matsuda sputtered.

'You do know what this means, right?' Aizawa added.

'You have a daughter and a wife!' Matsuda added.

I rolled my eyes. 'Not helping,' I muttered, but no one was listening.

Now Yagami started to shout. 'Of course I know! If we are going to find Kira then we are going to have to do everything we can! So shut your mouths!' Then he turned around and started to walk to the corner of the room, me following him.

'I'm sorry,' Matsuda said slowly, the regret clearly in his voice.

'Don't worry,' Yagami assured him as I put my hand on his back again, this time he allowed it. He stood with his head facing the closed curtains, looking down at the carpet as if his last hope lay there on the ground.

'It's fine, Yagami-san,' I told him. 'Everything's going to be fine.' The problem was that I didn't know that for sure and I hated lying. I hated being unsure. I hated being wrong. And I hated the fact that ever since Ryuzaki said 'Yagami's family' Light's face had been flashing through my mind.

'This requires some sacrifices,' Ryuzaki said to me as he said back down on the couch. 'Well then, the chief, miss Olivia and I will monitor the Yagami home.'

I turned around to look at the dark haired detective, confused. 'Me?' I asked, pointing at myself.

'Yes,' he insisted. 'You are a friend of the family and the only female officer. It's only logical that you watch the Yagami household with me and Yagami-san. The rest of you work in shifts. One of you heads back to the headquarters and works there while another rechecks the Penber footage, the other two will monitor the Kitamura family. We will watch the families for seven days. Depending on how things go, we may stop earlier. When the surveillance is finished, inform the families. Leave no equipment, either. Do you all understand?'

I nodded, but no one else did. Everyone was silent, still shocked that we were actually doing this. I wasn't surprised that Ryuzaki that already thought this plan through, even though he'd gotten Yagami's permission only just now. He'd said on that first day that he was childish and that he hated to lose.

When Ryuzaki didn't get any vocal response, he turned to face Watari. 'Watari. When can you have the surveillance equipment ready?''

'By tomorrow,' Watari said quickly. 'We can install them as soon as we are positive nobody's home.'

Everyone remained silent, but their faces said more than words. All the respect Ryuzaki had gained these past few days was gone. Not because he wasn't a good detective, but because he seemed to be a human being without any morals.

'Also, book two more hotel rooms from different hotels to serve as monitoring stations,' Ryuzaki added. I wondered why he didn't wait to tell Watari all this until we were gone. 'Once we've installed the equipment, we will move to those immediately.'

'So… we're actually doing this?' Matsuda asked, still shocked and confused.

'Yes,' Yagami answered before Ryuzaki could. He seemed to have gained some of his strength back. 'Yes, we are.'

* * *

 **XxX**

* * *

 **Meh, not really happy with this chapter. It's shorter than I expected and L talks way more than I thought he did. Anyone ever thought about that? He explains to much in the beginning!**

 **Well, anyhow, hope you guys enjoyed that. I will try to update next Friday, or maybe tomorrow if I have time. Which I probably haven't, since I haven't done any homework today. Oops…**

* * *

 **XxX**


	6. Upside Down

**It's getting interesting now! As you guys probably remember, Olivia noticed all the traps Light has in his rooms. She knows that there are probably three of them. The Task Force would've caught Kira sooner if she'd been on the team that placed the cameras. Oh, well…**

 **Enjoy this chapter!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **6\. Upside Down**

'Yagami Light,' L mused. Yagami and Ryuzaki were sitting on the plaited chairs in front of the television screens that showed us the Yagami house. A bit further away from their position were more television screens. Sayu's room, Yagami's wife's room, the kitchen and the bathroom. Every room was shown from different angles, but Light's room had by far the most cameras. Both the kitchen and the bathroom were also included in Ryuzaki and Yagami's television screens, but that was so that either of us could turn the screen off when we found it necessary.

'According to the people who installed the instruments, there was a small trap made to tell whether or not someone entered his room while he was out,' Ryuzaki continued, gaining my attention.

Only one trap? That would probably be the piece of paper. Shit. This could be a problem.

'Other than that, his room does not have anything strange,' Ryuzaki said.

For some reason, I did not want to tell Ryuzaki about the other traps while Yagami was here. He already had a pretty hard time with L suspecting his family, if I said this, it would seem like _I_ was suspecting his family, too. And, yes, maybe I was – just a little bit – but that didn't mean that Yagami deserved to suffer through any of it.

I looked over to their screens to see how Light walked into his room and sat down on his bed. He laid down for precisely five seconds before getting up again, opening his closet, taking a jacket out and leaving the room again. Before he closed the door, he put the piece of paper back in its place.

Yagami seemed honestly surprised. 'So he really does set a trap there. Does he have anything to hide?'

 _Maybe. Probably. Certainly._ I kept my mouth shut.

Since I wasn't commenting on it, Ryuzaki spoke. 'Seventeen is a sensitive age. Doing something like this isn't strange at all. When I was his age I used to do pointless things, too.'

I bit back a laugh and looked back at my screens, hoping that L hadn't noticed that I almost laughed at him.

'By the way, Yagami. I hear that your son is interested in the Kira case and is conducting an independent investigation. Have you mentioned any information to him regarding our efforts?' Ryuzaki asked then.

 _Yes,_ I answered in my head. Yagami-san probably wouldn't even have known. The things he'd said seemed to trivial and unimportant. But he did speak about the investigation that night, so he technically did mention something.

'Definitely not!' Yagami sputtered, insulted. I noticed that Ryuzaki was quite good at insulting people. That must be a gift. 'I have mentioned the case to my family, but I've never revealed anything confidential to them.'

" _But even trivial matters can become important if lives are on the line, miss Savers."_

I closed my eyes, grabbed the chair and dug my nails in the wood. Tried to breathe. Tried to get that voice out of my head. Something… something Yagami said made me remember. And I hated it. I hated remembering.

'Also, I haven't been home for a long time, and whenever I go there I immediately slump into my bed,' Yagami added, not noticing the state of his own assistant. He never noticed when I had flashbacks. I didn't want him to notice.

The problem with working with the world's greatest detective was that this man _did_ notice. 'I see,' Ryuzaki responded to whatever Yagami just said. But he was looking at me, me staring back at him, almost scared. How long had he been looking at me? What had he seen? I hated not knowing. I hated the flashbacks. I hated knowing, remembering.

And I hated being wrong.

'But what do you mean by that, Ryuzaki?' Yagami asked slowly, pulling Ryuzaki's attention back to him. 'Are you saying my son could be Kira?'

All three of us watched the screen while Light entered his home again, moving upstairs. Whatever he'd been doing, it had been a short trip. Strange. If it had been so short, why hadn't he done that on his way from school to home? Why go out again?

'Of course,' L responded, looking at the screens as Light entered his bedroom. 'That's why I ordered your home to be put under surveillance.'

I went back to my screen, looked at Sachiko as she cleaned up the kitchen. Sayu was currently at a friend's house, so I only had one person to watch. She seemed tired, her face almost naturally worried. She looked like she needed a hug.

'My son reads… porno magazines?' Yagami suddenly said, surprised.

Even though I felt the immediate desire to turn around to see, I restrained myself. I didn't want to see the magazines, or whatever Light was doing with them. Still, Light never really seemed like a… normal boy to me. I always thought he was a bit off. The way he treated girls was always so… uninterested. He was always respectful, mostly kind, but he never seemed interested in any female – or male, for that matter. So this just seemed off.

'It's normal for a seventeen year old boy,' L answered Yagami, surprisingly. Then he added something which I thought was much more 'L-like'. 'But still… I think he's faking this to make it seem normal that he covered the door gap with a slip of paper.'

'That does seem like a thing he would do,' I said, immediately _feeling_ Yagami's eyes in my back. 'If Light is indeed Kira,' I added, more for Yagami than for anyone else.

* * *

XxX

I watched how Sayu came home and helped her mother with dinner, which seemed to lighten up Sachiko's face a little, and Light came downstairs to eat, with his perfect façade still on.

'More music videos?' he asked his sister as he sat down, looking at the television screen. 'You should watch the new more often, Sayu.'

Seeing as how all the members of the Yagami household were in the living room now, I stood and walked over to the other screens, standing behind Ryuzaki's and Yagami's chairs. Only seconds later, Ryuzaki picked up his phone. As I saw him move, I wondered why he started to move like that. Was it good for the blood circulation or something? Or was he just weird? Hmm, could be both.

'Aizawa, are the Satamura's watching television?' Ryuzaki asked. I guessed the answer was 'yes', because he pushed his 'Watari-button' (yes, I gave everything names like that) and the screen next to him lit up, showing Watari sitting behind his desk.

'Watari, begin the broadcast immediately,' Ryuzaki ordered.

Watari obeyed without a question. 'Affirmative.'

From where I was standing I couldn't see the television screen all that well, but from Sayu's reaction I guessed what it was about. L had faked a special report, saying that the ICPO sent 1500 investigators to work in Japan.

I looked at Light carefully, but his face stayed the same. Was it the mask that Kira was hiding behind, or was this was Light always did? It became hard to tell now that I knew he _could_ be Kira.

'What a stupid move!' Light then declared, his mask showing more emotion now. The only problem was that, to me, it looked like fake emotion.

'Eh?!' Sachiko and Sayu said, both at the same time. Those two weren't intellectual or diabolical enough to be Kira. Their reactions alone were proof enough. There was never anything calculated about the way those two acted. Light _always_ calculated everything, created the perfect image. I remembered now. He always did that. That didn't make him Kira.

'A public announcement like this one is completely useless. If they really wanted to investigate, they'd have to do so secretly. Even FBI agents who were undercover were killed. Publicly announcing that they're sending more agents would only increase the casualties,' Light said, explaining to his mother and sister what everyone in this room already knew.

'Ah, that's true!' Sayu realised. 'Nii-san is so smart!'

But Light wasn't done talking yet, something that both surprised and upset me. I wasn't sure it upset me, though. 'So this news report must be a bluff that the police are trying to scare Kira with. But it's too obvious. Kira is probably laughing at them right now.'

A short silence before L spoke. 'Your son is pretty smart,' he said, a hint of a smile in his voice. He sounded amused, but not really impressed. As if he'd known that there were a few options, a few scenarios, ways Light could've reacted. And he liked the option Light went with.

'Huh?' Yagami said, surprised by the sudden compliment. 'Uh… I guess so…'

Light stood then, making of focus again. 'I'm done,' he announced, taking his plate to the kitchen.

'So fast!' his sister told him with food in her mouth. I smiled at that.

Then we watched how Light went to the closet and grabbed a bag of chips, which got him a reaction from his sister. 'Nii-san, you're eating chips right after dinner? You'll get fat!' she told him.

'This is my study snack,' Light told her, waving with the bag of chips before walking away.

I watched him walk to his room, but returned to my own chair when Sayu went to her room and Sachiko started to clean up.

Sayu and Sachiko watched a drama together, when I watched how Sayu took a shower, which was both uncomfortable and surprisingly fine, which was a bit weird, and then she called a friend while sitting on her bed with her PJ's on. Sachiko watched a cooking program alone before brushing her teeth and going to bed. Now I had to watch two women sleep for… eight hours?

I looked over at the other screens, saw that Light was in fact still studying.

'Five minutes before the late night news,' Ryuzaki announced after a short while, reminding me that I probably should keep watching Sayu and Sachiko, while Yagami and Ryuzaki were doing what they were supposed to be doing.

'Your son has been doing nothing but study ever since dinner,' L said, which was a pretty stupid remark if you think about it.

'That's because he has an important test coming up soon,' I answered for Yagami, hoping that speaking with them could help me not get bored or tired. But they both didn't say anything in response, so I was stuck with looking at two dark rooms.

The silence in the room was gone when Watari walked in. 'Ryuzaki,' he said, having a slightly urgent tone in his voice.

'What is it, Watari?' Ryuzaki asked, not turning around. He kept looking at the screen, just as Yagami, making me the only one who actually _looked_ at Watari.

'The bribery and robbery suspects that were both announced on the news both died in their holding cells,' Watari announced, looking at the papers in his hands.

Yagami shot up from his chair, clearly enthusiastic. 'It's Kira!'

Yes. We know, Yagami. But wait before getting excited. Maybe Ryuzaki won't be as convinced as you are…

'Only Jichou's wife and eldest daughter watched the news at Satamura's,' Watari said, answering a question that no one had asked yet.

'The director's wife and daughter were watching a drama, then the daughter left and the wife watched a cooking show before turning off the television. They didn't watch anything else,' L said, surprising me. He had been looking so closely at Light, that I'd assumed that he wouldn't watch the living room at all. But he had.

'The son has been studying since 7:30… it's 11:00 now.' Even though I couldn't see his face, I felt like Ryuzaki was frowning. 'Neither families used the telephone, they didn't use the radio or internet either. Kira needs a victim's name and face in order to kill them, if they didn't watch the news, then they are not Kira, howe—'

Ryuzaki was cut off by Yagami shouted: 'As you can see, my family is innocent!' he even smiled.

But L wasn't done talking yet. 'However, the criminals Kira killed today only committed minor crimes, which is odd considering Kira's killing pattern. Furthermore, the Yagami household shook off all suspicion in just one day…'

Yagami looked seriously worried now, but I couldn't help but smile. That man was a great detective, but he really had no idea how bad he was with people. He seemed an expert in how to piss people off.

'I… I'm taking a short break,' Yagami announced, leaving the room.

 _Tell him!_ my mind shouted almost immediately. _Tell him about the traps!_ 'Ryuzaki,' I said, too fast, making it soon all fumbled and weird.

'Hm?' he said, not looking at me, but at Light. Geez. If he wasn't investigating I would think that he had an odd fascination for the boy.

'You said that the team who placed the cameras only found one trap, right?' I asked, not looking at L since he wasn't looking at me.

'I did, yes,' Ryuzaki answered.

Did he really think he was going to miss something important if he looked at me for just two seconds? Seriously? Did he hate my face?

 _Stop it._

I shook my head, tried to think clearly. 'I think I should let you know that, last time I visited the house, I spotted three traps.' I looked at him and saw that he turned his head to look at me slowly, as if moving too fast could scare me away.

'And what were those three traps?' he asked.

'The piece of paper, of course,' I started. 'And there was a piece of lead balanced on the highest door hinge. It gets broken if someone were to open the door without removing it. And the third one…' I stopped. Hated being wrong. Didn't know for sure. Didn't want L to think I was stupid. Didn't want anyone to think I was stupid.

 _"_ _You're so dumb. Haven't you figured it out yet? Your parents won't come for you. Where you're going, no one will ever come for you. You're mine now."_

 _Darkness, the smell of the sea. Vague car lights that couldn't help me, couldn't save me. "No, stop... Please…"_

 _"_ _Stop whining. It's annoying. And wipe that blood of your face. It ruins your beautiful face."_

'Olivia.'

 _"_ _No, please, please. Stop it. Take me back home. Take me home."_

'Olivia.' I felt someone hitting me in the face, but I wasn't sure where. Was there someone else here? _There?_ The parking lot _seemed_ empty. I was all alone.

 _"_ _You were wrong, miss Savers."_

I was hit in the face so hard that I fell out of my chair. Or maybe I'd already dropped on the floor. Whatever happened, when I looked up, I saw two dark eyes staring at me, surprisingly emotionless. And way too close to me. I was sure that I was staring into those eyes with nothing but fear.

'Ah, there you are,' Ryuzaki said before standing up and walking back to his chair, his hands in his pockets. 'I read that you do that sometimes,' he told me, almost as if those words would explain his actions.

I touched my cheek, which still burned. Did L actually punch me in the face? _The L?_ That was… weird. I wasn't sure how I should respond to that. 'Did you also read that you should punch me when I do that?'

'No, I did not, but it's the quickest way,' he answered. Then he said: 'What was the third trap?'

Slowly, I looked up at him, but he wasn't looking at me. He'd done it. He'd found a way to piss me off, too. I stood, looked around me. Saw that Watari wasn't in the room anymore. And Yagami hadn't returned yet. Good. I was still safe.

I considered hitting him. Not hard, but just hard enough for him to feel it. The reason why I didn't was because I was quite certain that he would hit back. 'The freaking door handle,' I answered before walking out the room, leaving L with his television screens.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Tadaa! I think. Meh. This chapter is a bit shorter than the previous chapters, but I didn't want to drag this chapter out too long. And it's really hard for me to make Olivia use logic. Especially when it comes to Light. I just want her to suspect Light 100%, but that's not how it would work. She doesn't work like that. Also, at first, I wanted her to save Misora from Light, but my problem with that was that I had Misora alive. What would I do with her? Olivia doesn't know her, she doesn't know what Light can do. It was too much thinking for me, so I decided to pass on that idea. Sorry, Naomi.**

 **Anyhowsies, thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed. Bye!**

* * *

 **XxX**


	7. Sight

**So, it's Sunday. Dang it. Well, the fact that its Sunday is okay, but why does Monday have to come after Sunday? Can't we have another day between Sunday and Monday, so that we don't have to worry about Monday on Sunday? Then I would love Sundays so much more.**

 **Well, that made absolutely no sense whatsoever, so I'm just going to stop now. Please enjoy!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

 **XxX**

 **7\. Sight**

I concluded soon enough that L didn't really care about what happened. He never addressed it, rarely addressed me at all, and kept his eyes focused on his work. Yagami and I became restless all the time, wandered around the room, looking through files that we'd already read way too often. But L just remained seated, with his tea and sugar, and kept watching the screens, even when no one was home. It was quite strange to look at, actually.

I planned my bathroom breaks smartly, by going to the bathroom each time Light went to the bathroom. I knew I didn't have to watch him, but I just wouldn't risk it. It became such a habit that Yagami even started to announce it to me when I wasn't looking.

Another day passed and I saw that Yagami was now so convinced that his family didn't have anything to do with it that he didn't feel like watching as closely as he had that first day anymore. The whole room became a mess in an instant.

And even though I didn't want to, I fell asleep that second night. I hadn't slept since the start of the camera investigation, so it wasn't weird that I fell asleep, especially since I was watching two dark rooms, but I didn't want to look weak to Yagami, Ryuzaki or Watari. I could handle this much. They had to know that.

But I when I woke up, I saw that I slept through the night. Not because of the light in the room, since all the curtains were closed, but because both Sayu and Sachiko weren't in their rooms anymore.

I blinked a few times, my eyes sore and my back hurt because I'd slept in a sitting position. Then I stretched and noticed that someone had put a blanket around me. That must've been Yagami. Ryuzaki didn't care enough and Watari only followed L's orders.

I looked around in the room. Somehow, the mess was worse than before. Yagami was holding a bunch of papers in his hands and stood next to Ryuzaki's chair, his own chair empty and forgotten in the corner of the room. 'Ryuzaki,' Yagami said, 'the criminals from two days ago died when no one in my family knew anything about them. Do you still suspect my family?'

He cared too much about what L thought. Even if Ryuzaki _did_ suspect his family, there was nothing Yagami could do about it. So whether he knew about it or not wouldn't make any difference.

'Well,' Ryuzaki said, holding his spoon with either pie, cake or tea – I couldn't tell – in front of his face, 'although Kira can control the time of death, he can't kill without getting information from somewhere like news reporters. However…Ah! Your son is back.'

I blinked again. Light was _back_? From school? Wow. How long did I sleep? I stood, but kept the blanket around me, like a cape. Even though it wasn't necessarily cold in the room, having the blanket around me felt quite nice. 'What time is it?' I asked Yagami.

'Ah, good morning.' He checked his watch. 'It's now half past four. You've slept for a long time.'

 _Shit._ 'I'm sorry,' I said with a small bow. 'It hadn't been my intention to sleep that long.' It hadn't been my intention to sleep at all.

'It's fine, Olivia,' Ryuzaki said. From here I could see he was eating cake. 'Watari made sure that we didn't miss an important detail.'

Ah. Of course. I looked back at Yagami, saw how tired and worn out he looked. He could use some sleep. 'Shouldn't you sleep, chief?' I rarely revered to Yagami as 'chief', but sometimes it just felt right to do so.

He shook his head, but his response was slow. A side-effect from the lack of sleep. 'As if I can sleep when my family's being suspected.'

I sighed and looked back at Ryuzaki, who was still watching every move that Light made closely. Then, at that moment, I saw it for the first time. A shadow, there, hovering over Light's bed, like a ghost. But when I focused on the screen, there was nothing there. Well, I'd just woken up and I was still tired, so it wasn't that strange that I was seeing things.

Not long after that, Watari came and asked me and Yagami if we cared for something to eat. I said that whatever they had – cake, cake, some fruit and more cake, probably – was fine with me, but Yagami decided to ask for something more… substantial. Within an hour, Watari was back a bowl of fruit and a piece of chocolate cake for me and some ramen for Yagami. When I asked if Ryuzaki wouldn't mind if I ate his cake, Watari simply gave me a wink.

XxX

After that first day, I only found myself alone with L once. He didn't really speak to me unless he had something to say, mostly because I didn't really ask questions like Yagami did, but I wanted to ask him one thing.

'Did you do anything with the information I gave you? About the traps,' I explained, even though I kind of knew that Ryuzaki would've known what I was talking about even if I hadn't clarified.

'I did not use the information yet, however, I am keeping in mind that Light Yagami is quite possibly aware of the fact that he's being observed.' He said that with a strange drive in his voice, almost as if he was having a little bit of fun. I wish I could've seen what his face looked like while he said those words.

Then, I did something very impulsive. 'I did research on you, back in college,' I told him, still looking at him, even though I knew he wouldn't look back.

There was a short silence, which I'd gotten used to by now. Ryuzaki always answered immediately or after a silence that was just a tiny bit too long to be natural. 'I was aware.'

'Oh,' I said and I heard something in my voice. The slightly sarcastic, mocking tone. The tone I used to bully my friends, just a little, before they all disappeared from my sight.

When I disappeared from theirs.

'Did you read it?' I asked him, now turning my full body to look at him before my neck started to hurt again. I put my legs over the arm of the chair, leaning with my back against the other arm.

Another silence, but this one was longer. This was a silence that indicated that he wasn't going to answer my question.

I sighed, pulled my legs back and sat straight again. 'Fine, then. Never mind.' I pulled my last piece of gum from my pocket and unwrapped it, put it inside my mouth. I had to ask Watari to get me some more gum. But I knew that I wouldn't dare to do that if he didn't ask me.

I blew a bubble and let it pop. Again. Again. Once more before I sighed and changed my position. Every single muscle in my body was starting to hurt because I was sitting in this chair the whole day. No wonder Ryuzaki looked kind of sick. The only vitamin he got was from the fruit he ate, he rarely moved and he seemed to have a thing against sunlight, since he never let any sunlight through. Though I suspected that was because he was just a tiny bit paranoid.

'It was quite good,' L then said, interrupting the natural silence.

I looked at him, confused. When he didn't look back at me, I had to tell myself that maybe he was talking to himself. He was quite an odd man, it wouldn't be surprising. But I didn't believe that. I believed, hoped, that we was talking about my research. Which would be a bit strange. How could it have been good? I hadn't come close to his identity, hadn't even tried to find out his identity. The things I'd figured out was that he most likely had lived in England for a period of time, but that he wasn't necessarily English. Now that I'd seen him, it became even more difficult. I clearly saw European features in his face, but not clearly a certain country. I would say at least partially French, but that was just a guess. But there was also something… something about his face. Something that reminded me of mine. Maybe he was partially Japanese, too? At least, he was partially Asian. That wasn't even up for debate, that much was certain. But not too much, because there were a few traits that were lost. So, not half. A quarter, maybe? Just like me?

I hadn't noticed that Yagami had returned until he asked me. 'What's wrong with your, Upson?'

I looked up, pulled my hands off my face. I'd unconsciously put my hands on my face while looking at L, trying to deduce what facial features we had in common. Now that just seemed stupid and I felt my cheeks turning red, so I looked away quickly before Yagami could notice it. 'I'm fine,' I assured him. I could slap myself. Is that what you call professionalism, Olivia? You're an idiot.

XxX

We were sitting in another hotel room, the whole team together again. Matsuda had been the most excited to see me, Yagami and Ukita – who'd been working at the police station – again.

L was eating chocolate bonbon after chocolate bonbon while telling us what he'd found out. 'I have repeatedly reviewed the audio and video recordings from the past five days on both families. My conclusion is…' He almost seemed unwilling to tell us. 'Regarding the existence of suspicious activities within those under surveillance, there is no reason to suspect either. Remove the cameras and microphones.'

Was I the only one who noticed that he gave me a short glance before staring straight forward again?

I heard Yagami sigh a relieved sigh and saw how everyone's faces relaxed, while also immediately going back to the investigation. 'Ah, so we still don't have a prime suspect,' Matsuda said, but he sounded too glad to sound sincerely let down.

'And I thought "the people who Raye investigated" was a good lead…' Ukita said.

'There is no trace of any member of these two families in security footage from Shinjuku either,' Aizawa added.

Yagami readjusted his glasses before saying: 'Don't be discouraged. We'll start again from the beginning. Let's go over the suspects one more time.'

I was about to say something, say that this didn't necessarily mean that they weren't suspects anymore, but Ryuzaki opened his mouth before I could. 'Please don't get me wrong,' he said, 'I said there was no suspicious behaviour based only on the tapes.'

Poor Yagami. He'd been relieved for about eighteen seconds before L came to tear it all down again. 'Huh?!'

'Kira just didn't slip up. Or rather, he quietly sent the criminals to their graves.' Did no one notice that he said that while looking at me? And why was he looking at me? Was he referring to what I said to him? Was he trying to tell me something? What was he trying to tell me?

'But are you sure Kira is one of these people?' Yagami asked, trying to keep his cool.

'Well,' L began, munching on his fifth chocolate bonbon while he grabbed his teacup. 'That has about a five percent chance of being true.'

Matsuda put his hands to his face, trying to look like the chief while thinking. 'If wiring up the houses doesn't work, we'll have to investigate in person.'

No, seriously, why did Ryuzaki keep looking at me? What did he want from me? He tried to tell me that he still suspected Light, right? And now he was looking at me while Matsuda was talking about personally investigating…

 _Last time I was in Light's room…_

'Excuse me!' I said, way too loud, interrupting something Aizawa was saying. Everyone looked at me, except for one person. Ryuzaki looked at his tea now, stirring his tea with the spoon. I hoped I had gotten the right message.

'If we have to investigate in person, I can help with the investigation of Light Yagami. He's trying to get into To-Ho, which he will most certainly succeed in and I have been asked to teach there a lot of times. I can keep an eye on him there.' I kept a close watch on L's face, but it didn't give anything away. 'Also,' I added when no one was saying anything, 'I can keep taps on his own investigation, since he is investigating Kira on his own. I could become the contact person between Light and the investigation, as well as investigating him.' I hoped that that last argument would make Yagami a bit less upset.

Everyone looked at L without saying anything, waiting for his opinion on my proposal. He slowly took a sip of his tea, put it down and put his hands on his knees before reacting. 'I think keeping a close look on Light Yagami could be beneficial for the investigation as well. But I do believe that you would be able to investigate more thoroughly if you were also a student instead of a teacher.'

Right. But I still wasn't sure if this had been the plan he'd had in mind, so I didn't say anything, I just nodded.

Then L said the words that I never thought I'd ever hear from anybody. 'Also, I would like to accompany you.'

Now everyone was staring at L as if he was completely deranged. But before anyone could make any protests, Ryuzaki put his hand up to silence us all. 'Not only do two pair of eyes see more than one, but we also always have an eye witness. Light Yagami knows Olivia's real name' – he gave me a quick glance, something that I slowly started to see as L's version of a wink – 'so if she dies within those first few days, Light Yagami is Kira. But the problem is that she'll already be dead by then, that's why I believe it would be wise to let me accompany her. Also, if Light Yagami _is_ Kira and he'd try to kill me, I'd have a police investigator to protect me.'

Matsuda shot out of his chair. 'But that's dangerous!'

'Ryuzaki, aren't you putting too much effort into Light Yagami?!' Aizawa asked.

'No, I do not believe that I am,' Ryuzaki said slowly, as if he was talking to a bunch of three-year-olds. 'As miss Upson said, even if Light Yagami isn't Kira, he would be a great addition to the Task Force. I believe getting closer to Light Yagami will be useful whether he is Kira or not.'

'But you do suspect that my son is Kira, don't you?' Yagami asked then, asking the question everyone was too afraid to ask.

'His profile does fit the Kira image,' was the only thing L said, but it was answer enough for Yagami. I saw the worry in his eyes, but also the sadness. A great detective as himself could see that Ryuzaki got a point. If one of those family members was Kira, it was most probably Light.

XxX

I didn't have to wear the wig during the camera investigation, but Ryuzaki found it necessary to do it now. Because of the fact that most of the professors at To-Ho knew me, the university had been informed that I would be an undercover agent for a fake case. Ryuzaki didn't follow this route, since literally no one in Japan knew him, but he took on a(nother) different name to join the entrance exams.

Me and Ryuzaki weren't allowed to arrive at the same time, so I left my house two hours before the exam started, which meant that I arrived about an hour and a half before the exam started. Ryuzaki came in three minutes before the exam started.

Of course I noticed Light. He came walking in ten minutes before the entrance exam, his hands in his pockets and his face down, looking at the ground. I tried to hide a little, not that it would seem like I was hiding, but just hidden enough not to be noticed. The brown hair helped, too. But as I was looking at Light from the corner of my eye, I saw that vague shadow again. But when I turned to look at him, trying to see the shadow more clearly, it was gone. Geez, was I going insane or was Light Kira and is evilness was gushing out?

Whatever it was, it wasn't important. At least for now. I hadn't studied for the test. And yes, I know, I graduated here, so I should know, but certain knowledge faded with time. I wasn't sure how well I was going to do. Not that it mattered, I only attended the entrance exam to avoid suspicion, I would be let into To-Ho anyway, since I was 'undercover' while actually being undercover. But I got a perfect score the first time. And I didn't want to let myself down.

We were brought to the giant room with the seemingly endless amount of tables. We were seated by number and since me and Ryuzaki had both been quite late to queue, even though I had been early, I wanted to be behind him in the queue, so we were both put in the back of the room. There was only one other kid behind me and Ryuzaki sat in front of me. And I didn't believe it at first, but as luck would have it, Light was seated three seats away from Ryuzaki.

Before the exam official started, I noticed that L was sitting in his weird position again, something the university probably wouldn't allow, so I took my pencil and poked him. When I got no response, I poked again. He still wouldn't move.

'Can't you sit normally?' I whispered softly. 'Just this once?' I added when I got no response.

Even if Ryuzaki had planned on responding, it was no use now. The professor announced that we could begin and it went completely quiet in the room.

I didn't immediately start, though. I looked at the professor, who was looking around the room, waiting for him to notice…

He suddenly walked over to our row and read the number of Ryuzaki's test. 'Student 162! Please sit properly in your chair.'

I put my hand in front of my mouth to muffle the giggle that was trying to come out, before finally turning the paper around and beginning with my exam.

XxX

 **The end. Of this chapter. For anyone wondering what her real first name is, it's not Olivia. I wanted her to address herself with her own name in her mind (so not, "** Is that what you call professionalism, _Olivia_? **"), but I decided to keep her real name a secret for now. I know what it is, though.**

 **In the next few chapters, Olivia will have to interact with Light… *sigh. That's tough for me, I don't know why. I actually have nothing against Light's character, well, outside of the Kira-stuff, but you get what I mean, but it's hard to be 'nice' to him while writing this for some reason.**

 **Anyhow, I'm done typing now. Hope you enjoyed and feel free to review ;). Although I'm not really good at giving wonderful responses, I always try xD**

 **Bye everyone! Enjoy your Sunday (or whatever's left of it) and your *ugh* Monday!**

 **XxX**

 **Hey (Guest): I do actually believe that Olivia's existence will change the plot, but because she hasn't done much to influence the plot (yet) the consequences of her existence will be seen later on the the story. So I won't follow everything exactly, but I will use the manga as a guide line. But I'm going to say now that things will go differently.**

 **XxX**


	8. Ceremony & Starbucks

**Friday! Wooh! I have two days to work on school stuff! Yayy! So yeah, I have a** ** _lot_** **to do these upcoming days, with a Dutch holiday (Sinterklaas) coming up and homework and… ugh! No free time! But I have some time now, so here's a little chapter for you guys! ;)**

 **Btw, I know that this chapter is called 'Ceremony & Starbucks', but I'm not saying that you should totally go to Starbucks or something xD It's just because a friend of mine said something funny a while ago that I decided to use, so, yeah. Don't judge me. ;)**

 **Also, I've decided to put a little clue in the chapter title. If it's one word/part, then it only has Light or L in it. If it has & in the chapter, it means that both L and Light make an appearance. I didn't do that in the beginning, but I'm going to start doing that from now on.**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **8\. Ceremony & Starbucks**

I wasn't stupid. At least, not as stupid as Ryuzaki thought I was. This plan was too elaborate and had too many people on it. Either he was more suspicious of Light than he let us believe or there was something else. Something about _me._

And, yes, I kind of knew that he suspected Light more than the percentage he gave us, but the more he talked about the plan, the clearer it became that I had to reason to be in it. It didn't make any sense. If _he_ was going to watch Light, there was no need for me. If _I_ was going to watch Light, there might be a need for help, but if L was the one to give me that help, you could just as well leave me out of the plan altogether. No, this was definitely about me.

I didn't tell him that, though. There were so many times where I wanted to, but I didn't. Couldn't. Because A, that wasn't something you said to your boss, right? And B, I wasn't completely sure.

Ryuzaki got a perfect score. Light Yagami got a perfect score. I made one mistake. Only one. I hadn't expected the result to be as good as it was, but when I got it, I kind of felt bad. Only one mistake. If I had made one mistake less I would be a freshmen representative, too. I would be more useful.

For some reason, Ryuzaki insisted that we came together for the opening ceremony, which was odd. During the entrance exam, he'd been so keen on keeping us apart, but now it was like he wanted people to make a link between us. Which they of course did.

We arrived one minute and twenty-four second before the start of the opening ceremony. Not that those every started on time, but I liked to know how much time I had left.

Ryuzaki had to sit in the front, as a true representative, but I wasn't seated next to him. There was a girl sitting there, looking at the oddly dressed Ryuzaki with nothing but slight disrespect and disgust as he stood still in front of her. 'I'm sorry, could you move?' he asked.

My mouth almost fell open. _You can't do that!_ I didn't say it out loud. Instead, I looked around me and I saw… in the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow, again that shadow, and I looked, only to see Light looking straight ahead, ignoring me and Ryuzaki, as well as the girl. He was sitting two chairs away from the girl, which meant that he would sit next to L if he finally stopped pressuring the girl into moving and sat down.

'Ryuuga,' I said, angrier than I'd planned. 'Please stop.'

He looked at me, confused. 'Don't you want to sit close to me? I'd like you to stay close to me.'

I looked around, looked for my seat. Saw my name, the American letters weren't hard to find, on the chair behind him. I pointed. 'I _am_ seated close to you. You can't just move people, Ryuz—Ryuuga.' Geez, after all that practice I still managed to make a mistake.

He titled his head slightly to the side, still looking confused. 'I can't?'

' _And now a few words from the freshmen representatives_ ,' someone announced, making me jump.

'Just… just sit!' I told him, pushing him down on the seat before rushing to my own seat. When I sat, I noticed that Ryuzaki was looking at me, his head turned around as if he intended to keep looking at me for the remaining of the ceremony.

' _Yagami Raito and Ryuuga Hideki,_ ' the announced said.

Finally Ryuzaki stopped staring, turned around and stood. Both Light and L stood side by side now, the possible Kira next to the detective L.

And as soon as they stood, people started talking.

'Huh? We have two representatives this year?'

'Hideki Ryuuga? Is he that idol or do they just share the same name?'

'They just share a name. No idol is smart enough to get into To-Oh.'

I held in a sigh. I'd told Ryuzaki that that name wasn't the best choice. But he'd insisted. Maybe he was a fan. Maybe he was just stubborn.

Ryuzaki and Light had reached the stage now and were walking up to the microphone.

'Never mind,' I heard someone behind me say. 'He looks completely different from the idol.'

I decided to follow the conversation this young man had with his friend, who said: 'Aren't the representatives chosen based on their exam results?'

'Yeah. That means there are two people with the highest score this year…' the first boy answered. 'But even with the same raw score, don't they use individual subject to pick who the representative will be?'

'You mean like the person with the higher scores in English and Math would get chosen?' the second one wondered.

I couldn't keep a smug smile off my face and I couldn't help but interfere. I turned my head around and looked at the two boys, one had big hands, classes and dull hair and the other one had a long face and big nose. He clearly had woken up with that hair, too. 'I heard that they both got a perfect score,' I told them, the smile still on my face.

'No way!' the boy with the glasses almost shouted.

'So perfect scores do exist… amazing…' long-nose mumbled.

Then the girl next to me spoke, in a loud tone that I believed even the people on stage could hear. 'I think I've fallen in love at first sight with the guy on the right.'

'Eh… Kyoko. You're weird. Everyone else would choose the guy on the left,' her 'friend' said, kind of shocked.

I kept in a laugh. No, no, I don't think they did. I leaned forward, faced the girl. 'Some girls love a little weird,' I assured her, winking. Now she looked even more perplexed, with made this situation all the more amusing. Ooh, I never thought that I missed college, but just five minutes here made me realise I totally did.

'Come to think of it…' the boy with the glasses then said. 'Compare them to each other.'

His friend seemed to notice the same thing. 'Yeah… One looks like a sheltered prodigy, like a plant in a greenhouse… and the other… wild and peculiar.'

'I guess that's the dispositions of what you would call a natural genius,' the guy with the glasses said as Ryuzaki actually took out the _printed piece of paper I'd handed to him this morning._ Stupid! I'd told him to remember it!

I shook my head, decided to eavesdrop on the two boys again.

'But wearing that during the ceremony… he must be a sloppy idiot,' Glasses-guy said, almost shocked.

'How can an idiot get into To-Oh? Idiot…' his friend muttered.

'Also, on his way to the podium, I saw that he isn't wearing socks… and his shoes aren't even tied!' Glasses-guy added, still trying to prove a point.

Well, he should be happy he _was_ wearing shoes. Me and Watari had had quite the struggle this morning, trying to get L to put the shoes on. I wanted him to wear socks, too, but that was more than I could get done in so little time.

'Maybe he's from a poor family,' the long-nosed student reasoned.

I stopped listening when Light and Ryuzaki moved away from the microphone. I saw Ryuzaki's lips moving, fast and almost unnoticeable. Then he said something that I could read from his lips. _I am L._ He'd done it. He hadn't told me about it, hadn't told the police force. But he'd done it. He'd just killed himself. _If_ Light was Kira, that is.

The reaction seemed pretty reasonable to me. Light shook his hand before going back to his seat, Ryuzaki following him. He gave me a quick glance, which I replied to with a short nod. He gave me a nod in return before looking back again.

And then I felt it. The feeling of cold air around me, like something was blowing air in my face. Someone was breathing, somewhere above me. That was what it felt like. But I saw nothing, heard nothing. It must've been my imagination. But I told myself that too often now. This was too weird. There _had_ to be something, something that could be explained. It was always around Light.

 _She's been under severe stress and depression. She's been locked up and drugged for months. Hallucinations and rapid nightmares might be a consequence she'll have to face._

I blinked. Once. Twice. I stopped counting after a while, but I noticed that the memory of all the doctors, the light, the dark, the loneliness, it wouldn't leave me. So I closed my eyes and tried to remember what the doctors had taught me. _Nothing's my fault, I'm normal. Noting's my fault, I am normal. I'm normal. Completely normal…_

* * *

XxX

I noticed that L made sure that Light didn't notice me. Not that Light cared, or that he _would_ notice me. Even if he was looking for me, he'd be looking for blue hair. And I was wearing the wig.

L approached me soon after Light was out of sight. 'I'm going to leave campus, but I'd like you to stay with Light, alright?'

He could've told me this back at headquarters, but hey, why be practical if you could be L, right? 'Um, sure.'

'Also, I'd like you to tell Light that, even though you're on the case, you only work at the police station. Make sure he thinks that you do know me, but aren't anywhere as close to me as you truly are, understood?'

'Understood,' I replied without thinking. Then I added: 'May I ask why?'

'Safety reasons. Mostly my own,' he explained, putting his hands in his pockets. 'Also, you need to make sure that he believes that I am the real L.'

My eyebrows shot up. 'And how am I supposed to do that?' I asked as we started walking towards the gate, where Watari was waiting with the expensive car that would only attract more attention.

'I completely trust your abilities on that one,' he told me, before looking at someone behind me. 'Yagami-kun.'

I turned around and saw that Light was indeed standing there, staring at us with so much indifference that it looked forced.

'Thanks for today,' Ryuzaki said casually.

'No, thank you,' Light immediately replied.

Watari stepped out of the car and opened the car door for Ryuzaki. He gave me a small nod, but didn't say a word.

'Well, I'll see you around on campus,' Ryuzaki said as he stepped inside the car.

'Yes… nice meeting you,' Light said, this sentence sounding way more forced than the previous one, almost as if his mask was slipping off.

'I'll see you around, Olivia,' Ryuzaki said to me in English, clearly to gain Light's attention. Then Watari closed the car door and went back to his place in the driver's seat.

As the car was leaving, I heard the same students from before say: 'Wow… he has a car and a driver!' To which his friend replied: 'And he got a perfect score, too… I'm a little jealous.'

I remained standing there, mostly since Light wasn't moving either. I waited for… something. I waited for him to talk to me. I waited for him to walk away. I waited for myself to talk to him. When I decided that neither of those things were going to happen if this kept going on, I sighed and started to walk in the opposite direction that the car had just driven off to.

'Hey, Olivia?'

I bit back a smile and turned around. 'Hey, Light!' I said, secretly a little mockingly. Not going to lie, after having years and years of a unwarranted dislike for the boy, suddenly having a reason felt kind of good.

He looked kind of surprised by my friendly reaction. 'Where are you off to? Don't you need to go to the police station?'

I shook my head. 'Normally I'd have to, but Ukita is covering for me today.' I shrugged. 'I'm happy that Ryuuga is finally letting me do _something._ I have been stuck answering phone calls all day until now.' Would Light be suspicious of me if I shared so much information? Did I normally share a lot of information? I couldn't remember.

Light didn't seem all that surprised. But then again, he was a great actor. 'Right, that sounds tough. Listen, do you have some time? I'd love to buy you a drink.'

'Starbucks!' I immediately said, copying something a friend from college told me. _Going to Starbucks isn't a date,_ she'd said, _that's getting free coffee that's normally really expensive._

I realised that Light didn't know me at all, so the way I behaved didn't really matter. I had been silent at his home, but that was because I was a guest. If I acted out of character now, he wouldn't notice it. I just had to make sure to stick with the same performance whenever I was near him.

As we were walking to the nearby Starbucks, he asked me: 'Did you dye your hair again?'

I knew it! 'Yes, I did,' I told him, touching the wig. 'I decided that, while working on… the case, I'd rather not stick out too much.' I wish Ryuzaki did that. He was way too… how do I saw that nicely? He was too… noticeable. With his expensive car, strange habits, odd behaviour and… expensive car and odd behaviour and… expensive car and strange clothes and… lack of socks. Kind of hypocrite now that I thought about it. I was supposed to wear a wig because I gained too much attention otherwise, but _he_ could prance around the way he was?

'Ah, I understand,' he told me, but he truly sounded sorry. Was that a perfect lie, or a genuine reaction? Was I _looking_ for Kira, or was I _seeing_ Kira?

As we reached the Starbucks and got in line, Light asked: 'Do you believe him?'

Of course I immediately knew what he was talking about. I put a finger to my mouth and mouthed 'later'. I had to convince Light, but surely not in a public place such as this one. When it was our turn, I ordered, surprised to see that Light ordered the same sweet, fat thing I ordered. Maybe he'd never gone to Starbucks before. That would be interesting.

With our 'coffee' we walked over to the tennis court of To-Oh and sat down on one of the benches. No one was playing tennis on the first day. You just didn't.

'You asked me if I believed him,' I said after a short silence on the bench. 'And I do. For more reasons than one. I believe him because Chief Yagami believes him, and he's had more opportunities to witness Ryuuga's skills than I have. Also, in this world, the one Kira wants to kill the most is L. Finding someone willing to pose as L would be nearly impossible, don't you think?'

I glanced over to see the look on Light's face, but his face was just neutral. But when I looked, I noticed the shadow again. And even though I hated being wrong, I hated guessing, I decided to tell him what I was seeing, that mixed with a lie: 'Sometimes I believe I can see aura's and ghosts. Like with you. I've noticed that there's a dark shadow following you around lately.' Kira _was_ killing with a supernatural weapon. But if Light was Kira, he wouldn't give what this was away easily.

But I _did_ get a reaction. Light looked at me, confused. Shocked, it almost seemed. To emphasize my words, I looked above him, to the shadow that I could no longer see. I already noticed that I only saw it when I wasn't focusing. The harder I looked, the less I saw.

Light just stared at me. Then he cleared his throat. I already noticed that he'd only taken one sip of his drink. I knew he wouldn't like it. 'Will I see you around?' he then asked. 'On campus, I mean.'

I pursed my lips, pretending to think. Then I said: 'I hope so. This is much better than staying inside. But I don't know, depends on what Ryuuga tells me to do…' Was I coming off as too loyal? Did it matter? See, L, this is why you inform your employees about your plans!

Light sighed. 'Ryuuga is sending you because he suspects me, isn't he?'

Dang! What was I supposed to say? What would you say in such a situation. If I said 'I'm not allowed to answer that', then he knows the answer is 'yes'! 'Well,' I began, trying to think. 'I have to admit that I don't really know. I have no idea what's going on in that funny odd head. He only told me to watch the students for any strange behaviour and to keep taps on your private investigation. You are investigating Kira on your own, right?'

There was a long pause in which I got no response. Then Light nodded.

I smiled. 'Your father told me. I'm pretty impressed, actually.' Then I sighed. 'Then again, if I wasn't allowed to help the police, I'd probably do so, too.' Then I decided to add something dangerous. Whether it was a lie or not, which it kind of was, but not really, this was something that I shouldn't say without Ryuzaki's approval. But I did say it. 'Even though I'm not really all that passionate about stopping Kira.' I stood in an attempt to throw away my empty cup, but Light grabbed my wrist.

'What did you just say?' he asked me and when I looked back, for a millisecond, I thought I saw it. The red madness and hatred behind those eyes and even the black shadow that was starting to look like a creature. For a split second, I had the complete picture. The madman and his monster. But then it was gone, almost as if I hadn't seen it.

 _The hallucinations are getting worse. I should go to the doctor, get some new meds…_ I needed to leave. Right this second.

I pulled my wrist out of his grip and stumbled: 'I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I need to go. Bye!' I bowed, grabbed my bag even tighter and ran off, flying more from my own hallucinations than from Light.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **So, if that didn't spark Light's interest I don't know what would.**

 **And no, Olivia isn't seeing Ryuk because she's on meds and she isn't crazy. Well, maybe a little bit, but that fine ;)**

 **And… I think that's all I wanted to say? I can't remember if there was something else or not… Hmm…**

 **Anyhow, thank you all so much for reading this chapter! Feel free to leave a review or follow/favourite this story! Hope to see you soon!**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **MM: Ding, ding ding! You got it! Haha, didn't think anyone would notice that xD**

 **Beboobeboobeboo: Yes, I hope she will keep L from making some mistakes, but maybe she won't. At least for now, her interaction with Light is going rather… strangely. But hey, it's a strange situation, so I guess it's only logical.**

 **Taylorelenahart: wow, thanks! Never heard that compliment before! I always feel like everyone can tell that I'm foreign right away xD Anyway, thanks! Great to know that you like it!**

* * *

 **XxX**


	9. Cake & Competition

**I'm back again! I wanted to write Saturday, but I was kind of sick and had a massive headache, so that didn't work out.**

 **Are you ready to play some tennis? I can't play it, I'm terrible at sports, but that doesn't mean that I don't love the tennis part in** ** _Death Note_** **(btw, did anyone see the tennis scene in the Death Note Musical? That was cool and hilarious and incredibly gay – in the best way – and that all at the same time!)** ** _._** **Anyhow, let's start this chapter, shall we?**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **9\. Cake & Competition**

'Good morning!' I shouted, way too happy and way too enthusiastic.

I wish I could say that Ryuzaki was so surprised that he almost chocked in his coffee, but that didn't happen, of course. The only reaction I got was Matsuda's shocked scream and Yagami's dry glare. Oh, and Watari chuckled.

'You're not supposed to come to headquarters before school, Olivia,' Ryuzaki told me, almost as dry as Yagami's glare.

I shrugged. 'My classes begin late today and I was awake early.' I left the part about the nightmares out of the story. 'So I thought, why not show up and be useful for a change?' That was a small attack on the ridiculous plan me and Ryuzaki were carrying out now.

I wasn't sure because I was at the other side of the room, but I thought I heard Ryuzai sigh. 'Fine. Matsuda, hand her your papers,' he ordered. Then he finally turned to look at me. 'You can analyse those. After you're done, you can leave.' He immediately turned back, almost as if he didn't want to look at me any longer than he needed to.

'But- but then what am I supposed to do!' Matsuda said, clearly upset.

'You can grab me another cup of coffee,' L simply answered, holding his cup out to the young detective.

Puzzled, Matsuda handed me the papers and walked over to Ryuzaki, taking the cup with a small bow. That guy should get confidence training or something, everyone walked all over him.

I looked at the papers in my hands. 'The suicide notes?' I asked, putting emphasize on the word 'suicide'. Not because I believed that they were suicides, but to address the fact that they were not.

'Indeed, I'm planning on giving Light Yagami a little test and with that, detailed analyse of those notes is important,' Ryuzaki replied. I noticed he almost always replied to what I said these days. 'By the way,' he then said, turning around to look at me once more, 'do you like tennis?'

* * *

XxX

'Just a friendly match?' Light asked me. 'I should warn you that I have some tennis experience…'

'No worries,' I replied immediately, 'I placed first three times in a row in England's junior tennis championships. I almost won the European championship one year as well, but then some French chick stole my crown.'

Light looked at me, completely confused. I had guessed that Ryuzaki had known about my wins, but I hadn't expect him to use that knowledge. At least not like _this!_

The reason I'd started playing tennis was because of the championship I witnessed. My father brought me to the junior tennis championships when I was seven and I immediately fell in love. There was so much technicalities, so much calculation, it was _interesting._ You could suck at sports and still score some points by using your brain.

Of course, during my research on L, I had come across the same junior tennis championship I saw all those years ago. I still wasn't sure if it had been really him, but I was quite certain that L had spent at least five years in England. The day I figured that out was the first day I'd felt a connection between me and the man behind the letter.

'Really now?' Ryuzaki asked, walking besides me and Light, kind of like that third annoying friend that no one really liked, but he hung around you anyway. 'I actually placed first in England's junior tennis championships as well.'

What was he doing? Was he giving this information to me, because he knew that I hadn't figured out if that really had been him or not? Of was this a chess move, one to try and catch Kira behind Light's mask?

I crossed my arms. 'Only once?' I said coldly, not sure if I was acting or not. I hated it that Ryuzaki rarely informed me. How was I supposed to know what the plan was if he never told me the details?

We reached the university's tennis court. A familiar place for me. I used to beat the seniors and everyone would laugh at them. I bit back a smile.

'You spent your childhood in England?' Light asked, clearly asking Ryuzaki, not me. The fact that it'd taking so long for him to ask the question was kind of suspicious, but it was also natural. Normal humans didn't always think fast. But Light Yagami did.

'Lived there for about five years,' Ryuzaki answered simply. 'Don't worry. This bit of information is useless as far as the identity of "L" is concerned.'

Well, not really. I was able to track it back. But it was smart of him to say that. Maybe Light wouldn't try if he knew beforehand that he wouldn't find anything.

I tied the brown hair of the wig back in a high ponytail and smiled at Light. 'Why don't you go to the other side? I don't like it when the sun hits my face.'

Ryuzaki sat down – on the ground – on the side-line, exactly in the middle. I think he was going to plan judge, but I wasn't sure. When I was done with my fake hair I looked at Light. I'd put twice as much bobby pins in my hair for the tennis match, so there wasn't much risk that the wig would come off. I did worry – however – about the possibility that I was going to sweat a lot.

And why not end something fast before it got out of hand?

I served before Light even noticed that we'd begun, which meant that he missed it of course. 'Fifteen love,' I said simply, already a new ball in my hands.

'Oi!' Light said surprised, an almost flirtatious smile on his face. 'Isn't it a bit early to bare your fangs?'

I shrugged. 'You weren't paying attention. I only woke you up.'

I _had_ said that I wanted this to end quickly, but that was harder than I'd thought. Should've known. Yagami had told me something about Light winning the junior high championships or something. But that was long ago and even though he certainly wasn't bad, he wasn't flawless either. And everything he made a mistake, I was there to catch him. Sure, I made some mistakes, too, but by the end, I still was three points ahead of him. I won. But I knew that on any other day, Light could've won.

We walked over to each other to shake hands. 'I haven't played so hard in a long time,' Light told me, sweat dripping from his face and a smile on his face that showed me that he _did_ in fact enjoy that. Great. Because I was feeling to hot and faint that I felt like I never wanted to play tennis again.

As Light walked back to his bottle of water and his bag, I walked over to the audience we gained, since I was Kyoko standing there. Me and Kyoko had become friends, since we had a lot of classes together. And I liked how she loved 'that Ryuuga person' even though everyone thought he was weird. But they also thought she was weird, so maybe she'd stopped caring.

'Hey, Kyoko,' I said, still breathing a bit heavier. 'Did you enjoy the tennis match?'

'I sure did!' she said, wiggling with her nose, with made her glasses fall to the side a bit. 'But why wasn't that Ryuuga person playing? He kept looking at you and Yagami-san as if he wanted to join you.'

'Really?' I'm not sure if she'd interpret his facial expression right. And I still felt quite hot. Like I was burning up. That wasn't good, was it? Maybe my physical condition had gotten worse over the years. It wouldn't surprise me.

Then, the familiar voice called out to me. 'Olivia,' he said, speaking only slightly louder than normally.

I turned around to look at the two boys. 'Yes, Ryuuga?' I said, blinking girly and everything.

'There are too many people here. Let's talk somewhere else,' he said, looking at me while talking, even though I was pretty sure he was talking to Light. He made a hand movement that told me he wanted me to come on over. Which I of course did.

But as I walked, I saw the world around me turning Lighter and Lighter until I didn't feel my feet anymore… and then the last thing I saw was the sky.

* * *

XxX

The first thing I thought when I woke up is that something had smelt really good. Vanilla and something else… something stronger, but also vaguely sweet.

I immediately recognised the ceiling. Not because I'd been here before, but because all hospital ceilings had the same feel.

'Allison,' I said to no one and for no real reason.

'Who's that?'

I turned around to see Watari sitting there. That surprised me. I mean, sure, I hadn't expected L, or even a police officer for that matter, but Watari? That just seemed so… random.

I sat up and felt that I had nothing on me right now. No needles, no medication. I was just… in a hospital for some reason. 'I want to leave,' I announced.

'Very well,' Watari announced. 'But if you are willing to wait, Ryuzaki is leaving soon, too.'

Wait… Ryuzaki _was_ here. No. Wait. 'He's not here for me, is he? Who else's in the hospital?' It definitely wasn't Matsuda. Light would be kind of strange…

'Soichiro Yagami had a heart attack earlier today,' Watari explained.

Of course. I sighed. 'But he's in the hospital, so it wasn't Kira.' Then I realised that I – in fact – was in the hospital, too. 'Wait. What's wrong with _me_?' I asked.

Watari chuckled. He really reminded me of a grandfather of some sorts. He probably was some sort of father figure to Ryuzaki – to some extent – but that wouldn't explain how Ryuzaki became so… peculiar. 'Your wig was too tight, that in combination with the sun and physical exercise made you faint. That and… well, according to the doctors, you haven't been sleeping much lately.'

Great. Another person that was aware of my many problems now. I tried to shrug it off. 'Oh, yeah. I have insomnia, kind of. Sometimes, my body just refuses to sleep. Or I refuse to let my body sleep. I'm not sure.' I threw the blanket off. I knew that going to see Yagami was the kind thing to do, but this was a hospital. And I _hated_ hospitals. 'We can wait outside, can't we? I _need_ to leave the hospital right now.'

Surprisingly enough, Watari listened to me. He didn't say a word to me as he sighed some doctors' papers and guided me outside, opening the car door for me. He only spoke after wed been sitting in the car for a short while. 'Insomnia can be quite tough. I advise you to eat vitamins and stay away from sugar and caffeine, that stuff only keeps you awake.'

'But maybe, staying awake is exactly what I want,' I muttered softly. Shouldn't have done that. Watari was giving me kind and useful advise, all I was do was bitch about it.

Then the hospital doors opened, and I recognized L immediately. I saw Light coming after him and I put the window down a little bit, just so that I was able to hear what they were saying.

'Ryuuga, isn't there something I can do to convince you that I am not Kira?' Light asked. _Ah, so he knows._ _Of course he does._

'Well, if you aren't Kira, that won't be necessary,' L answered. I bit back a smile. _He's such a bastard._

'That's enough!' Light shouted, making me jump. 'Try to imagine what it feels like to be suspected of being a mass murder?'

I saw how Ryuzaki lifted his chin, something he always seemed to do when he was imagining something. 'It must feel rather terrible,' he told Light. Then he looked at the car and for a second I thought he could looked through the dark glass and see me, even though this car had windows that should make it impossible for him to see me. But it looked like he was looking right at me. Then he looked up again.

'Yeah. Okay, how's this? Lock me up in a place with no tv or media access for a month and see what happens,' Light suggested.

That sounded like a stupidly brilliant idea and a brilliantly stupid idea at the same time. L seemed to be thinking it over, but he declined: 'I guess anyone would desperately want to prove their innocence, but no. We can't do something that immoral… and arresting someone who is a mere suspect is ridiculous.'

Light sighed. He looked tired. He looked like he could use a hug right now. 'I see…'

'Don't worry. If you are not Kira we will know soon. By the way, after watching your conversation with your father, I am beginning to think you might not be Kira,' Ryuzaki said, slowly opening the door, but only opening it a tiny bit, so Light – and Ryuzaki himself – couldn't see me sitting there. 'Anyway, take care.'

I thought this was the moment that the door would be opened, but Light saved me by saying: 'One more thing.'

I wasn't even sure why I felt like I saw hiding, it just felt like I was. Also, L was the world's greatest detective, he must've noticed the window being not fully closed.

'I understand that I cannot join the investigation now and I won't be able to assist either, not until my father is better. But I just wanted to ask you to take good care of Olivia. That kid, she… she's weaker than she looks.'

Not only did Light surprise me and Ryuzaki both with his sudden worry, I was also highly insulted. _Weak?!_ I was _weak?!_ No way!

'I understand,' Ryuzaki said after a short silence. 'Goodnight.' Then he pulled open the door and stepped inside, and I had been too shocked to move until then, so even though I tried to move, I wasn't fast enough. Ryuzaki came into the car with me still sitting half in his seat. Which not only resulted in one of his feet on my leg, but also, his face close to mine.

The first thing I noticed was the skin. The skin itself looked smooth and soft, but not healthy. It was the skin of a teenage boy who refused to go outside. The second thing I noticed was the smell. The vanilla and something else. And the third thing I noticed where the eyes, staring at me as if he saw me for the first time.

'Olivia,' Ryuzaki said slowly, his breath streaking down on my face, 'do you mind moving back a little?'

Of course, way too late, I moved back as Ryuzaki gave Watari the instruction to drive. He also ordered to drop me off at my home.

Where there was no one.

Allison.

Please not tonight.

'Stop!' I said, which of course didn't make Watari stop.

'Why?' Ryuzaki asked.

Thank god Watari decided to answer so I didn't have to. 'Miss Olivia fainted earlier today and she's having trouble sleeping lately. I believe leaving her alone in her apartment isn't the right decision.' Of course they knew Sanami wasn't home.

I looked over at Ryuzaki, who had his thumb in his mouth and seemed to be thinking very deeply about something. What it was, no idea. I wouldn't know what to do if he told me to go home now…

'Very well, Olivia can stay at headquarters and help me with the case,' Ryuzaki decided.

I sighed relieved, but Watari wasn't content yet. 'Why don't you both get some sleep?' he suggested.

Suddenly I understood. 'I don't think you can get Ryuzaki to sleep by letting me sleep at headquarters, Watari,' I told him with a smile that only felt half-fake.

'And I don't think you should assume what I'm thinking,' Ryuzaki spat back.

I rolled my eyes, even though I normally would hate a comment like that, because that was an indication that I was wrong, but right now, for some reason, I didn't care that I was wrong. 'Oh, boohoo. Sorry I even opened my mouth,' I said mockingly.

'I have a feeling you're being sarcastic,' Ryuzaki guessed.

I rolled my eyes again. 'You shit, you really are the world's greatest detective, aren't you?' I said, more sarcastically than my previous remark.

I could see Watari smiling in the front mirror and smiled as well. For the peculiar team that we were, this almost felt normal.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Tadaa! Meh. Not really sure about this chapter. But it's done now, so I can go to sleep! Olé!**

 **Anyway, a new chapter will probably up un Friday, but I don't have much to do this week, so maybe you guys get one earlier!**

 **Anyway, bye!**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **MM: I think he was more surprised than actually offended, hehe. Also, I wish see could just** ** _see_** **and** ** _hear_** **Ryuk! She would like him! And probably give him more apples than Light's giving him… And yeah, Ryuzaki and Light won't be as close as they were in the manga, simply because Olivia takes half - probably even more - of Light's attention.**

* * *

 **XxX**


	10. Iron Wings

**So… I'm sick. Again. Hi. ;)**

 **I really wanted to write yesterday, actually, but couldn't find the time. But I have time now, so let's go!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **10\. Iron Wings**

Watari guided me to the bedroom I could sleep in. With one glance I knew that the bed had never been used, but there were suitcases on the floor. Even though I felt the temptation to look when Watari left, I didn't. I sat down on the bed and tried to think. How did I end up here?

Showing weakness was stupid. I knew that. Allison had known that. But somehow, showing weakness was easy, especially when L was involved. Not because he didn't see the weakness, but because he was to inhuman to call it a weakness. He didn't understand why I didn't want to be alone tonight, so he rolled with it, not sure _what_ to call it. That was my current theory.

And, of course, being alone in a hotel room didn't make that much difference, so I hurried back to the main part of the room, where L was sitting in his chair behind a laptop and Watari was sitting behind a table. I decided I could play mother for a while. 'Do you guys want something to eat?' I asked.

'Why, thank you for offering, Olivia,' Watari said with a gentle smile. 'In the extra room there's a fridge with cake, but also some drinks and other food. Could you grab one piece of cake for Ryuzaki and one cup of coffee for me?'

I was kind of disappointed that Ryuzaki didn't request his cake himself – though I wasn't sure why that disappointed me – but I nodded and bowed before heading to the extra room. The extra room was supposed to be some sort of living room, I guessed, but all the chairs, couches and tables had been moved to the bigger room. Now it was more like a kitchen, with a fridge, a coffe-machine and a table with some other kitchen-stuff. I grabbed a piece of the first take I took out of the fridge – it was pink from the smell I could immediately tell that it was something strawberry related. Strawberry-cream, maybe? It smelled good, so I secretly took a piece of myself as well, but left it there. I could come and grab that later.

I made two cups of coffee, one for Watari and one for Ryuzaki, even though he hadn't asked for coffee. And I made sure to bring a lot of sugar and creamer with me. Right before going back, I decided that I could use a glass of soda. I took the strangest looking one – the one that smelled like cherries – and drank a whole cup before I went back to bring them the coffee and cake.

Watari thanked me as I places his cup on the table, but I was hesitant to walk towards L for some reason. Then I swallowed my odd feelings and walked over to him, putting the coffee and cake – along with the sugar and creamer – on the small table behind him.

'Thank you,' he said as he immediately started dropping sugar cubes in his cup of coffee.

I rolled my eyes and looked around, thinking about things to do. I didn't really want to do anything, really. Watching Watari and Ryuzaki work was enough for me. So I grabbed a chair and but it besides Ryuzaki's chair, sitting down on it in the exact same way. Sitting so close to him clearly wasn't what he'd expected, because he looked at me with an expression that I would call surprised if it had been less indifferent.

He looked away almost immediately and asked: 'Can I help you with something?'

I shook my head. 'No, not really,' I said.

Silence. Then, precisely 23 seconds later. 'Anything you need from me?' he asked, turning around to look at me for about two seconds before looking at his screen again.

I smiled, but my arms around my legs and leaned my head on them so I could look at his better. 'No. I just enjoy looking at you.'

Wrong thing to say. I blame the lack of sleep and the fainting earlier today. There was no other way I'd ever say such a thing.

Lucky enough for me, Ryuzaki had no idea what to do with that comment, so he simply ignored it. Well, he did say 'alright, then', but that's not much of a reaction.

Then, around 35 seconds later, Ryuzaki asked: 'Who's Allison?' He wasn't looking at me, but at the screen. If I hadn't known any better, I'd thought he was talking to his laptop. Or himself.

I should've known Watari would tell him as soon as they were alone. He hadn't been there because he was worried. He had been there because Ryuzaki needed someone to spy on me and he hadn't been available because he'd been too busy with Light. Great. I was Ryuzaki's second choice. Not sure if that should make me happy or not.

I sighed and scratched my forehead. 'You know who Allison is. You read the report. You probably know more about that case than I do.'

'Probably, yes,' he agreed, making me want to roll my eyes again. 'But you have information from within that I will most likely never be able to obtain.'

I sighed. 'The case is closed. Allison is dead now, anyway. Let it go. I don't want to talk about it.'

'It's said that talking about it helps,' Ryuzaki said, clearly saying that because he read it somewhere, not because he agreed with the statement.

'And I've talked about it for months,' I answered. This subject was making me both tired and annoyed at the same time. 'I never want to talk about it again, okay?'

No answer. I hoped that Ryuzaki had decided to drop the subject, but he clearly didn't, because a few minutes later, he said: 'Do you secretly wish for Kira to kill him?'

'Oh my god, Ryuzaki!' I shouted. 'I don't want to talk about it! How many times do you want me to say it?'

Suddenly, he grabbed my wrist. And not weakly either. Like he was trying to handcuff me with his own hand. 'Calm down, I was only wondering. I can see clearly now that this subject make you upset, so I won't ask question about it for now.'

'You were doing great until the 'for now' part,' I told him, trying to free my wrist. 'And let me go, will you?'

He released me, almost as if he didn't want to, and went immediately back to work.

I waited a few minutes before I started the counterattack. 'I'm not stupid, you know.'

'What makes you believe that?' Ryuzaki asked me and I wasn't sure if he was joking or not. I really hoped he was joking.

'For the good of our – kind of – friendly relationship I'll ignore that,' I told him. 'But I know that there's more going on. You want me to spy on Light, but you don't want me to be alone with him – at least not always. You don't want another officer on the case, which either means that you think I'm smarter than the others and would know a way to fool them if I were Kira – or Kira's accomplice – and you decided to assign yourself, not only because you don't trust the spy abilities of the other police officers, but also because you have a slightly weird fascination with Light. Am I right?' Now I _know_ I was too tired to think straight. I normally wouldn't say anything like this. 'Ssh. No, don't say it,' I said, pushing my finger against his lips. Somehow, that seemed funny to me, so I laughed. 'I don't like being wrong, you know!' I giggled and took my hand back.

Ryuzaki didn't really react to me suddenly touching his face. 'I noticed. You only speak when you're absolutely certain. And even if you speak when you're not, you speak very hesitantly.'

'Thank you for the _brilliant_ observation,' I said with a smile. 'You know, you're kind of like a child sometimes,' I added, laying my head on my knees again, yawning. 'A really old, kind of hot, but horrible posture, child.' I giggled again. 'That sounds weird.' I closed my eyes, tried to sleep now that my mind wasn't thinking about Allison, or _him_. It was thinking about children, cake and Ryuzaki. Three things that weren't necessarily bad… until you had too much of it.

Right before I dozed off I heard Ryuzaki say: 'Should've just brought her home.' But that was such a strange thing for him to say that I assumed that it was part of a dream.

* * *

XxX

When I was awake I refused to open my eyes. Not only did I notice that I was lying in bed now, but I also remembered that I had acted really strangely yesterday. Not only did I touch _L's face!_ Come on! That's like a dream! But I also was incredible unprofessional.

Then I suddenly realised something. The cherry soda. I could slap myself! I should've known there was alcohol in that drink! And I couldn't hold my liquor at all!

I turned around in the bed and moaned. Ryuzaki probably smelled it, Watari, too. They must've realised it before I did. Dang it! Lucky enough for me I went to sleep quickly. Lucky enough for me it wasn't very strong liquor.

A few minutes later I walked into the main room with my clothes kind of a mess, looking at the police officers. There were more screen than yesterday and everyone seemed to be stressed for some reason.

' _I do not mean to kill innocent people. I abhor evil and defend justice. The police do not have to be my enemies. They can be my allies._ '

Oh shit. 'Where's Ukita?' I asked, immediately on guard as I tried to fit the puzzle pieces together.

Matsuda looked at me, sweating way too much. He had a phone in his hand, trying to call someone. The channel that was broadcasting this channel, probably.

 _But Kira never referred to the police as allies before and he never used the media like this. This almost feels out of character._ 'It isn't him,' I said softly. I turned to Aizawa, since Matsuda was too busy trying to reach the channel. 'Is Ukita going there now?' I asked.

He nodded. 'Yes, he seemed to be in quite a—'

I ran off, takin the stairs hoping to catch up to him. This wasn't Kira. I was sure. He had a different feel, a different style of managing things. And the original Kira wouldn't even think of the police as his allies. He'd want to take the crown alone. This Kira – or whatever this person was – was one unknown to us. We didn't know how this Kira would act. Throwing himself into battle like this was dangerous.

While running downstairs, I heard his footsteps now. 'Ukita!' I screamed 'Ukita, wait!' I shouted louder when the running didn't stop.

I reached the end of the stairs and saw Ukita running. 'Let me come with you!' I shouted as I was running after him.

He stopped, surprised. 'What?'

'I'm coming with you!' I said. He looked at me with wide eyes. 'What are you waiting for? GET YOUR DAMN CAR!'

'Yes!' he agreed, still confused. But he let me come with him. When we reached the broadcast station, we saw that there was a camera outside filming the entrance. 'Stay inside,' he ordered me.

I rolled my eyes. 'No, _you_ stay inside.' I narrowed my eyes as I tried to think. 'Call the chief, tell him to stay in the hospital. Tell him we got this. He will leave the hospital if you don't inform him _right now._ He doesn't need to come. I know what I've got to do.' And with that, I stepped outside, running to the camera.

'Kira!' I shouted, the crew behind the camera looking at me, confused. 'Or should I call you Kira II?' I asked, pulling up an eyebrow. I hoped that they were broadcasting this, the channel didn't matter. 'I know what you're doing, but the way you're doing it is wrong. Are you an idiot or something? You want to help Kira? Reach out to him. Don't piss him off.'

No reaction, but my phone rang. I picked it up, irritated. 'What?!' I spat.

' _Stop the broadcast_ ,' Yagami said before hanging up.

 _Stop the broadcast_. Yes. Now that I delivered the message, that would be a wise idea. My phone rang again, but I was too busy with getting back to the car. I stepped inside of it and Ukita looked at me, still confused and completely shocked. 'Drive it into the building.'

'What?' he asked, even more confused.

I slammed my hands on the car door, irritated. 'Drive this stupid car into that stupid building. They won't let us enter if we use the door.'

Then my phone rang again and this time, I knew who it was. 'Stop whining, I'm stopping the broadcast,' I told him.

'Today's footage is already done,' Ryuzaki told me. 'I've already sent Aizawa and the others to retrieve the tapes and talk to Sakura TV. You need to come back to the office _right now_ ,' Ryuzaki sounded so strict that he almost reminded me of an angry dad.

I sighed. 'Yessir.'

XxX

Ukita brought me back to the hotel, but after dropping me off he went back to Sakura TV right away. So I was alone in the elevator, taking as much time as I could to get upstairs. I didn't like being scolded.

As I walked into the room, Ryuzaki was standing there, only a few steps away from me. 'You're still alive,' he said, sounding only a little bit surprised.

'What's that supposed to mean? I haven't told anyone my real name, right?' I asked, kind of confused. Why would he think I was dead?

Ryuzaki put his hands in his pockets. 'Before you arrived, a few police officers were killed when they were trying to get into the building through the other entrance. They died of a heart attack less than a minute after being shown on television.'

I froze. 'What does that…'

'This Kira can probably kill with only a face,' he explained, saying what I'd feared.

Then I looked at myself. 'It's been over a minute now,' I said, confused. 'And I'm not dead,'

'No, you are in fact not. I can confirm that.' Then he looked at me and I saw it in his eyes. Never had he suspected me more than this moment. 'But you showed your face, trying to stop the broadcasting, even badmouthing Kira II in a way. So, tell me, Olivia, how come you're still alive?'

I looked over at the television screens. Some were still showing Kira's name on the screen, others were my face. There was no doubt. Kira II had definitely seen my face.

So… why was I still alive then?

 **XxX**

* * *

 **XxX**

'Rem, what am I supposed to do? Is that Kira? Have I found my Kira?'

'I'm not sure, Misa. Kira's supposed to have no life-span at all. This human was one that's stuck on one _._ ' _And how did that happen?_ the Shinigami wondered as the blond girl kept talking about not liking the way Kira looked, that she'd expected it to be a boy and hotter.

'So… can't I just kill her?' she asked innocently.

The Shinigami slowly shook his head. 'If you want to find Kira, I believe keeping her alive for now is the better option _._ ' _I need time to work things out. I need time to figure out why this human's life-span doesn't end like it's supposed to…_

 **XxX**

* * *

 **XxX**

'So… what was Olivia doing there?'

'She was there obviously because she's part of the investigation,' Light answered, smiling smugly. 'The only question is… why didn't that fake Kira kill her the moment she appeared on screen? Is she a friend of the fake Kira? _Is_ she the fake Kira and is she trying to put the investigation on a wrong track? But why would she attract that much attention if she _was_ the fake Kira, or his accomplice?'

Ryuk chuckled, because he knew why. He'd been confused when he saw the girl's name and life-span, too. Even stranger was it that she always seemed to sense him, as if she could see him sometimes. But he'd figured it out. He'd asked around. Apparently, in some strange cases, when a life is supposed to end but doesn't, the life-span counter breaks and stops altogether. This didn't mean that she couldn't be killed, oh no. This just meant that no one, not even a Shinigami, would be able to know when. Right now, the broken numbers above her head were her safeguard. And the fact that she'd come so close to death meant that a small part of the other world had attached itself to her, enabling her to see Shinigami… to some extent. Ryuk still had to test to what extent.

'Humans are so… interesting.'

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Tum. Tum. TUUM. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. Some parts I really like, others Im not really sure about, but I just don't know how to change them to make them better. I actually didn't want to reveal as much as I did reveal in this chapter, but I decided to do it anyway because I was afraid it wouldn't fit anywhere else in the story. And I liked writing Ryuk's reaction and Rem's reactions to Olivia's life-span. Now if Ryuk would explain it to Rem, then Misa probably would kill Olivia right away…. So hope that doesn't happen!**

 **Thank you so much for reading, everyone! See you soon!**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **WildfireDreams: Thanks! Love to hear that you enjoy it! ;D**

 **MM: Thank you, I never considered any aspect of me – or my stories – cool XD, but it's nice to hear. And yes, she kind of is. I'm worried that L won't get to call Light his first friend if it goes on like this… ;)**

* * *

 **XxX**


	11. Fool

**I'm back again! Hello everyone! Missed me?**

 **Well, I missed writing. I had an English oral exam yesterday and it was** ** _hard_** **. I can manage in English pretty OK, but when teachers start to ask me questions, I can get confused. It went pretty well, though. I think. I hope. Don't have my grade yet.**

 **And I'm going to stop talking about that now xD. Enjoy the chapter!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **11\. Fool**

'I do admit that if you are in fact Kira, I have no idea how you reached Kira II,' Ryuzaki told me, 'but you must understand that this situation is too suspicious.'

I nodded, not liking it, but understanding it at least. 'Yes, I understand. What does this mean for my position?'

Ryuzaki brought one hand to his mouth and put the tip of his index finger on his lower lip. Then he said: 'You can still be part of the team and work on the case, but you'll need to be under surveillance. You're privilege of going outside will be taken away from you.'

'So… I'll have to stay indoors,' I realised, not sure how to feel about that.

'Yes,' Ryuzaki answered.

'In here?'

'Yes.'

I took a few seconds to process that. Then I took a deep breath and said: 'Okay then. I'll contact Sanami, saying that I have something with Interpol or something. She doesn't really understand my job and is rarely home anyways, so I doubt she'll cause you any trouble.'

Ryuzaki nodded. 'We will be switching hotels soon. You'll get your own room, with your own bathroom. For the sake of your privacy, we won't put camera's in the bathroom, but we'll keep a close eye on what you take with you to the bathroom and how long the time you spend in there is.'

That had been my only concern, so when I heard this, every doubt I had about this plan vanished. I liked spending time with the investigation team. And even though, right now, he was suspecting me, I liked spending time with L. He was an interesting person, someone I would probably never be able to profile. He was a code, his very own mystery. And I wasn't sure if I even wanted to crack the case that was Ryuzaki.

'That's okay. Will I be allowed to pack a suitcase with belonging from my home before being—transferred?' I'd almost said 'locked up', but I was quite sure Ryuzaki wouldn't like that word.

He waited a few seconds before shaking his head slowly. 'You can make a list of the things you need in from your home, Watari can go and collect them. Until we move to a different location, you need to stay in my sight.'

That didn't sound all that bad, actually. Maybe I trusted L because he was the only one that knew everything about me. Maybe I just found him interesting. Or maybe I was just wondering if his hair was really soft or not. It looked soft, but also kind of spiky.

I noticed now that the silence was getting unnatural, so I sighed. 'How are we going to catch Kira II? Any ideas on how to catch her?'

Of course, Ryuzaki carefully listened to every word I'd said, picking out the things that he thought were the most important. 'Catch "her"?' he said, both hands in his pocket again as he sat down in his chair in his usual way.

I considered grabbing a chair before crossing my arms and sitting down in the ground before him. 'Yes, obviously,' I said, not sure if he was testing me or not. When I was the genuine curiosity and confusion in his big dark eyes, I realised that he wasn't testing me. He just hadn't thought about it yet. Probably had enough on his mind already.

Surprised that I got something L didn't, I pulled my eyebrows up. 'The voice?' When he still looked confused, I had to roll my eyes. 'Oh, come on! It was so obvious! I heard it immediately!'

'I'm sorry, I'm not following. Could you clarify?' Ryuzaki asked, too curious to think for himself.

'This Kira II clearly hasn't much experience with voice distortion. I could hear what she did to her voice and in which order after hearing her speak just a few words,' I explained. 'Back when I was doing research on you, I followed an extra – kind of secret – class about voice distortion. How you could hear certain things in the distorted audio. You clearly use multiple programs and multiple tactics with your voice distortion – some I couldn't even identify, that's why the only thing that was easy to tell was that you were probably a male. Because the distorted voice was about the height of a female voice, but it sounded unnatural.'

I waited for Ryuzaki to say something, but he didn't. He just looked at me. It was kind of unsettling and it made me nervous, but for some reason, I continued talking.

'Not only was this voice much lower, but the only thing she did was the echo, the lowering and the radio distortion. She should've sped it up and then slowed it down again without fixing the audio. After that she should've lowered it, then she should've put the echo and radio distortion on and _then_ she should've made it higher again, just a bit higher than her natural voice. Then I would've guessed that she was probably a man. Either this person has some tactic I don't know about, or the second Kira is female.'

I wasn't sure how to interpreted that face he was giving me right now. I'd say he looked impressed, but L was never impressed. So, I decided to look away from his face and looked at the curtains. Ryuzaki really needed sunlight, this was so unhealthy. I mean, sure, I hated going outside, too, but I knew that staying indoors could have serious consequences on your health.

'Can you fix it?' he then suddenly asked my.

My eyes shot back to his face. 'Hmm?' I said, not very polite, but good enough.

'Would you be able to restore the voice of the second Kira to its original state?' he clarified.

I thought about that for a while. This person didn't delete any element, didn't speed it up or slow it down. The radio distortion could be a problem, but I might be able to succeed. 'I'm not sure, but I think I can. If I have my laptop. And the right programming. And enough time.' I made sure to let him know that this needed to happen on _my terms._ I wasn't going to give up my sleep for this. Well… Not all my sleep, anyway.

He nodded. 'I will put it on the list,' he said before getting up and walking away. As I was thinking which 'list' he was talking about, he told me: 'I'm going to get some cake.'

Just when I realised which list he'd been talking about, I also realised that I wasn't alone in the room right now. Watari was standing in the corner, which reminded me of the fact that I didn't have any freedom anymore.

* * *

XxX

For someone who wasn't allowed to leave Ryuzaki's sight, he surely left the room a lot. Whenever he left, Watari stood in for him. It was a long night, but I eventually managed to fall asleep on the couch. When I awoke the next morning, I had a blanket. Which surprised me, but it also didn't surprise me. Watari and Ryuzaki took better care of the Task Force than they'd seem to think. That included me, of course.

'We will be moving around 2 PM tonight,' Ryuzaki told me the moment I was awake. He didn't even have to look at me, it was as if he just _knew._ 'The others are working at the police station today, so you can count this as a free day.'

'I can't help you with anything right now?' I asked, surprised. With the second Kira showing up, there should be more than enough to do.

'I'm just going to watch the tapes we got from Sakura TV several times again. You can watch it with me, but I'm quite sure that your assistance won't be needed,' he told me.

Great, thank you. That didn't sound insulting _at all_. 'Aw, but you seemed to need me back when you wanted to spy on Light. What, was I your wingman or something?'

He didn't respond to that. My theory was that he didn't respond because he didn't know what a 'wingman' was. Of course. The great detective L wasn't a party animal. Which made me kind of curious. His life was so… lonely. I guessed that only Watari ever got really close to him, so… what about friends? Girlfriends, boyfriends? Did he ever… probably not. And if he did, it probably wasn't anything serious. He was married to his work, to his passion for justice. Any young female of male in his life would only distract him, something he didn't want. Yes. Ryuzaki probably didn't do the whole 'relationship' thing, whether it was friendship or an actual relationship.

'Ryuzaki?' I said, yawning even though I was trying very hard to fully wake up.

'Yes?' he responded, again not looking at me.

The question was there, in my head, in my mouth. If I'd been any weaker, I would've asked. But it wasn't my question to ask, it wasn't something I should ask. It wasn't professional. And even though I'd love to befriend Ryuzaki, I knew it was probably wiser to stick to being colleagues for now. And not even that, really. We were boss and employer. Puppet and puppeteer.

Victim and hero.

* * *

XxX

I'd written in my paper that I assumed L was rather paranoid. Which wasn't odd, if you thought about the several death threats, all the times people actually tried to kill him _and_ the situation he was in right now. It was perfectly understandable. But that didn't make it less true.

We moved slowly, step for step. First, all the computers and suitcases were going. While those were brought to the new hotel, we waited in the room. After one hour, we were free to go to the room as well, but Watari stayed behind. He would check out of the hotel the hour after that, at 4 in the morning, and then come to us, after getting my stuff from my home. It was a really elaborate plan for something that should be easy. Switching hotels had never seemed so complicated.

I was getting kind of tired at one point, which wasn't so bad because Ryuzaki allowed me to rest my head on his shoulder while we were driving to the new hotel. I noticed that I was looking forward to being close to Ryuzaki and that his touch almost made me screen. Whether that was because he was detective L or a man, I wasn't sure. I never really had any sort of… healthy relationship in my life.

As if he was reading my thought, Ryuzaki said: 'I read in your file that after you'd been freed, you were scared of human touch.'

I wasn't completely sure where he was going with this, so I just said: 'Hmhm.' That should be answer enough, right?

'So I was wondering,' he said slowly, 'when and how did that change?'

That was a good question. The people in the hospital hadn't asked that, they were happy that I was good to go and didn't want me there for another second. That was my theory, at least. 'Well,' I started, almost as slowly as he'd asked the question. 'It took longer than you'd think. But after a while, touch didn't feel dirty anymore. I didn't feel the need to scream or shower every time someone laid a hand on me. I think I slowly realised that not everyone's hands are _his_ hands and that not everyone is touching me with the means to harm me.' I sighed. 'But I'm not entirely sure,' I added before yawning, which I hated, too, by the way. Most females looked cute when they yawned. I looked about as cute as the car I was sitting in. Which was a cool car, but certainly not cute.

Ryuzaki didn't say anything and for some reason, to me, that was a sigh that he wanted me to keep on talking. 'I still have a hard time with people touching me when I cannot see them,' I told him. 'I also don't like it when people touch my neck, sometimes I don't like it when people touch my face, either.' Then I did something dangerous. I looked down and grabbed Ryuzaki's hand, taking it in my own. 'This is fine,' I explained, letting go as if I'd burned myself. 'And this' – I pulled my head up a bit a laid it back on his shoulder again – 'is fine, too. Just… don't touch my neck.' This sounded weird. Ryuzaki never touched anyone without a very good reason to do so, he didn't need my instructions or my permission. He didn't need anything. He didn't even need me. I wasn't even sure why he hadn't kicked me out of the Task Force yet.

I closed my eyes. 'I want to sleep, but I don't like it that I keep falling asleep at inconvenient places.' I wasn't even sure why I said that. I was basically complaining now.

I was waiting for a response, but I didn't get one. Shouldn't be surprised. Conversations with Ryuzaki could only be successful if _he_ was in control of which questions were asked and which questions were answered. I couldn't easily begin a different subject, because I didn't know if Ryuzaki would accept the subject or not. That was another kind of paranoia, almost. Too paranoid to share information with anyone, whether it was about his identity or not.

The first thing Ryuzaki said, was almost three minutes later. 'We're almost there,' was what he said.

* * *

XxX

Even though every single hotel suite had been huge, this one had more rooms. One for me, which wasn't surprising as Ryuzaki had told me I would get my own one. He also reminded me of the fact that there were camera's installed in my bedroom, but I decided not to look for them, because I knew that if I knew where they were, I would be much more aware of them.

For now, Ryuzaki told me to sleep. Watari wouldn't be here with my belongings until later and, as I myself had said before, I was tired. So I went to bed with all my clothes still on. Which resulted on me staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours. I should've been so tired that I fell asleep right away, but something was keeping me awake.

Why wasn't I dead?

This wasn't the first time I'd thought about that. Many times after the… incident, I kept wondering why I was still alive. Why wasn't I killed, why wasn't I locked up? Didn't they know about the awful thing I did?

But now I had to ask myself the same question again. A second Kira. A Kira that only needed a face to kill, not a name. A Kira that hadn't killed me even though she probably had all the tools and all the reason to kill me. Hell, I'd even called her stupid. So why wasn't I dead?

Option one, she hadn't seen me. There was no way I was shown on _every_ single channel, so maybe she simple missed out. Option two, she knew I was with the Task Force, and since she wants us as Kira's allies, she didn't want to kill me. More likely than option two, but not very likely. Option three, I lucked out. Option four… she knew me. And didn't want me killed. The only person that would fit would be Sanami. Frankly, I didn't know her opinion on Kira, but she knew better than this. She wasn't _that_ stupid. But what if it _wasn't_ a female? I had no male person in my life that wouldn't want me dea—

 _'_ _Why would I try to kill you, my darling? You're my most precious possession._ '

I put my hands over my ears, but that didn't block him out. That never blocked him out. I tried to say the alphabet in my head, going slowly and as the letters came, the hallucinations and voices disappeared. 'Allison is dead, Allison is dead, Allison is dead,' I softly told myself after I'd gotten to the 'Z'. 'She can't hurt you, _he_ can't hurt you. I'm Olivia and I'm save, I'm normal. I'm Olivia and I'm save and normal. I'm normal, I'm normal…'

* * *

XxX

I awoke to the beautiful sound of _damn crows making loud, obnoxious noises just outside my window_. And yes, that was sarcasm.

I walked into the big room, it was six in the morning, so I wasn't sure what to expect.

What I didn't expect was the whole Task Force. I even had a bed head! If I had book sin my hands, this would've been the moment I dropped them. 'You've got to be kidding me,' I said with all the morning-sass I had.

'Good morning, Olivia!' Matsuda said friendly, papers in his hands.

'What are you guys doing here? It's like… night,' I said, even though I knew that wasn't really true.

'We're helping with the Kira investigation, dummy!' Matsuda said, walking towards me to show the papers he was holding. 'Kira II probably wasn't in the Sakura TV building at the time of airing, but just to be save, we've decided to analyse all the employees that were in that day.'

'You guys already know about it being a second Kira?' I asked, kind of disappointed that I hadn't been the one to break the news.

Matsuda nodded. 'After you ran away after saying 'It isn't him', Ryuzaki explained that he too thought this wasn't Kira's doing.'

Right. Because even if I was the one that put that idea in his head, he'd never admit it. 'Aah,' was my vague reaction. Then I heard the familiar sound of my telephone receiving a message. But when I searched in my pockets I couldn't find it.

I stopped searching when I saw Ryuzaki holding the phone up, as if showing it was enough. 'Why do you have my phone?' I asked, slowly, trying to keep my morning-grumpiness to a minimum. Ryuzaki was making it difficult for me to do so, though.

'It a necessary measure to ensure everyone's safety,' he told me. Safety, my ass. Locking me up inside a hotel room, fine. Putting camera's all over that hotel room, okay then. But stealing my phone? That just went too far. 'Did you take that from me while I was sleeping?'

'No, I took it from you back in the car,' he answered as he unlocked the phone. 'It's from your guardian.'

'How do you know my code?!' I said, walking up to Ryuzaki, but not trying to take my phone back. I didn't want to know what his 'measures' were going to be if I misbehaved.

'It was quite easy to figure out, really,' he told me as he tapped in the message to open in.

Then, suddenly, the room was filled with music and a high, loud, kind of annoying, female voice. ' _Hey everyone! I'm Misa-Misa and I'm going to be in a movie!_ ' Over Ryuzaki's shoulder I saw some blonde hair and black clothing. ' _Thank you all for supporting me, I'll keep you guys updating! Bye!_ ' she made some kissing-noises before the video ended.

'Was there a message with that video?' I asked, because out of context, this just seemed odd. Was Misa-Misa a friend of Sanami? I couldn't remember if she'd spoken about her before.

'" _Hello, pumpkin, did you hear the news? I got a part in Misa-Misa's debut film! You know, the girl from the lipstick commercial? I've send you the video she posted on her twitter-page yesterday. I'm needed on set now, bye bye!_ "' Ryuzaki read out loud, not only invading my privacy, but also Sanami's privacy. I should be anger, and yes, I was, but somehow him reading Sanami's message in a monotone voice made this whole situation kind of funny all of the sudden.

'Great, thank you for invading my privacy. Now can I get my phone back?' I asked, holding out one hand while one hand was on my hip as I was ticking with my foot to look as annoyed as possible.

'Certainly not,' Ryuzaki answered as he put the phone back in his pocket. 'Six 'o clock may be a normal time for actors to be up, but you wouldn't reply to her text message that quickly. At nine 'o clock you can have your phone back to answer.'

'But you'll be watching while I type and I need to give my phone back to you after I've written a response,' I guessed.

'Correct,' Ryuzaki said and even though it was hard to tell from here, I was almost certain he was smiling.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Pfhiew, even though this was kind of a filler chapter, this one was hard to write! I'm so tired now! I'll probably write tomorrow as well, so I'll answer the reviews then, because I'm tired now and still have some stuff to do.**

 **I'm actually going on vacation this upcoming Friday and I won't be back until the next Monday, so no chapters after tomorrow's chapter, probably.**

 **Thank you for reading! Feel free to follow, favourite or review!**

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 **XxX**


	12. Voice & Reversal

**Hey people! As I said yesterday – I think – this will probably be the last chapter for a while. I'm going on holiday Friday the 18** **th** **and I return Monday night, or Tuesday early in the morning. Then I have a few days for homework and then Christmas and then I'm going on vacation again. So… yeah. A new chapter will probably be up in 2016 so, I wish you an early, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and all that cheesy stuff. Maybe I'll update before then, but just in case.**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **12\. Voice & Reversal**

Chief Yagami had a meeting with the ICPD about what to do about "Kira's" message. Apparently, while I wasn't watching, Kira II had requested L to appear on television and L had already predicted that the ICPD would want L himself to do just that. And L wouldn't have been L if he hadn't been correct.

'It is as you predicted, Ryuzaki,' chief Yagami explained as he sat down. I kind of felt sorry for him these days. His son has a suspect, he had a lot of stress and he wasn't even out of the hospital before all sorts of problems came up. 'Everyone in the ICPD agreed that they want you to appear on television in person. No tricks.' He looked a bit pissed, to be honest. 'They didn't do anything to help before and now they aren't bringing up any good counter-strategies… they're all being pulled around by Kira.'

Well, that would explain why Yagami was so annoyed. And why the ICPD wasn't doing its job properly. Protect _all citizens,_ people. That includes the criminals and the detectives of the world.

'They made the logical choice,' Ryuzaki said, the teacup by his lips, without drinking from it. He put it down again without drinking anything. 'The police will never cooperate with Kira and if they have to choose between chief of police or me, they'll choose to sacrifice me. Especially since I was the one who taunted Kira on tv. I believe they made the right decision.'

No. They did not. There were more than enough policemen in the world. There was only _one_ L. True, that wasn't a reason to sacrifice a policeman, but there should be alternatives. They made it sound like we didn't have any other choice.

Matsuda almost seemed more upset than I was. 'But then L– I mean, Ryuzaki, you might...'

'No,' Ryuzaki said before Matsuda could even finish what he was trying to say. Although we could all predict how that sentence was going to end. 'Even if I show myself on tv, if Kira II – or Kira, for that matter – does not know anything about me, then he may not believe that I am really L.' He put his fork with cake in his mouth while speaking. I wondered if his parents never taught him that he shouldn't speak with his mouth full.

'That's true,' Matsuda realised, his face clearly showing that he was deep in thought.

'Though I will try my best to convince him if it comes to that,' Ryuzaki assured us, as if we would be happy to hear that. 'Because if he doesn't believe me, many policemen in the world will pay the ultimate price. Though regarding how I can prove I am L… that is a rather difficult question.'

Well, yes, but this second Kira seemed pretty stupid to me, so I doubted that she would even consider the fact that he might not be the real L.

Ryuzaki grabbed another bite of cake on his fork and brought it to his mouth. 'Oh well, we still have two days so we have plenty of time to come up with a counter measure.' Then he looked up from his cake and gave us a small – almost unnoticeable – smile. 'Don't get me wrong, I don't have death wish. Besides…' his smile faded and he became deadly serious. 'If I have to die, I would rather die by Kira's hand instead of the hand of someone used by Kira.'

There was a sort silence in which one no was sure what to say. Then Ryuzaki continued. 'There were fingerprints found on the tapes, together with some materials, both didn't lead to much at this point of the research, but we're not giving up yet. Also, if the two Kira's haven't found each other yet, it's our priority to make sure that they don't meet. This is a battle between the real Kira and us to find the false Kira. And there is a chance that we will capture the real one in the process.'

Again silence, as everyone had become more serious and focused on the subject.

The silence was once again broken by Ryuzaki. 'Chief Yagami, is it possible to ask your son to help us whenever he can?' he asked, a question that came literally out of nowhere.

I almost rolled my eyes. Of course. Asking his son to help, so that you could keep an eye on him, making sure that his main Kira-suspect doesn't meet the second Kira. Even though he had terrible social skills, he was pretty good at manipulating people. If he phrased it like this, Yagami probably wasn't going to say no.

'Does that mean my son is free of suspicion?' Yagami asked, surprised, but also hopeful.

But there came the thing that made L more likable than any other manipulator. He gave you enough truth to believe his words, enough truth to trust him, but he just didn't explain the reasoning behind his words. That's why I wasn't surprised when Ryuzaki answered in all honesty: 'No, not yet. But your son's profiling ability is very promising and I think that your son will be very helpful in capturing the second Kira.'

 _You mean, he will be very helpful in leading you to the second Kira._

Yagami closed his eyes for a few second, clearly in deep thought. Then he opened them again and said: 'I you want my son to help, I won't object to it.'

'It's okay with us, too,' Matsuda immediately said, making me smile. As if he knew what everyone in the Task Force wanted. Well, maybe he _did_ know. He was very good at asking questions, so maybe he'd asked this to the others while I wasn't around.

'You son has a high sense of justice and duty. He will definitely help us. However,' Ryuzaki brought his hand to his mouth and put the thumb against his lips, 'please don't tell him about the existence of the second Kira and act like there is only one. Olivia,' he then said, quickly moving on to the next subject, 'your computer has been installed, with the programs you requested. How long do you think it'll take?'

Now the other members of the Task Force looked confused. So he hadn't told them that yet. I wasn't completely sure how I felt about that.

'Thank you, I think it will take around a full day of work of two days of work if I keep helping with the regular duties of the Task Force as well, which I would prefer,' I told him.

Ryuzaki thought about that for a moment. 'Very well. Can you explain how you're going to restore the distorted voice back to its original state?'

Ah, that was an answer in a question. Everyone in the Task Force knew what we were talking about now. Pretty smart. 'I'll record myself and try to create the same effect that he second Kira used. After it sounds alike, I'll try to restore my own voice back to its original state and then apply those exact steps on the second Kira's audio file. If my voice doesn't work, I'll try again with a male voice, but I'm almost certain my voice will do.'

'And you have experience with this tactic?' Ryuzaki asked then, still seeming deep in thought.

I nodded. 'I've done it a few times while in training. I tried it with audio files I could find of you, too, but you're impossible.'

An almost smug smile appeared on Ryuzaki's face. 'I'm just careful.'

* * *

XxX

I recorded my own voice and Matsuda's voice to be save. Ryuzaki had offered to record as well, but I told him that his voice was too… unique for the test. I was allowed to help with almost every task of the Task Force, the only things I wasn't allowed to help with were the things regarding Light. Ryuzaki made it seem like this was about time, but my theory was that he didn't want his two main suspect to be together. So I was basically locked up in my room while Yagami called Light to come over. I heard the door open, I even heard them talking – even though I couldn't make out what they were saying because I had headphones on and the room was almost sound proof.

Watari released me after about three hours, saying that I was allowed to join the others for a while. Which I of course did almost immediately. I hadn't heard Light leaving, which meant that he was still here. And even though that guy was strange and way too perfect, I had gotten kind of used to him, since I had spent so much time with him on campus. We weren't best friend and I sure as hell didn't trust him, but I understood him just a tiny bit better now.

I came in with both L and Light sitting with their backs facing me, meaning that they wouldn't see me. I approached as silently as I could and attacked Ryuzaki by putting my elbows on his shoulders and my chin on his head. I felt him shudder and then freeze under my touch, clearly I'd surprised him, which had been my goal. 'What're you reading?' I asked sweetly. When I didn't receive an aswer, just as I'd expected, I looked over at Light. 'Hey, Light. I'm so happy to see you're joined us. We need more youth here.'

I heard Matsuda yelling 'hey!'.

Light smiled. 'Hey, Olivia. Glad to see you're still alive.' The joke had a strange kind of bad aftertaste that always came with fake, forced jokes. Light observed Ryuzaki for a few more seconds before asking. 'Is that good enough? I wrote it as if I were Kira.'

 _"_ _Hehe."_

Now _I_ was the one who froze. I stared at the empty spot next to Light on the couch, it clearly was empty. But I swear to god I heard a noise coming from there. And the way the light fell there seemed off, too.

Ryuzaki stood from his chair, forcing me to let him go in the process. He looked at the paper with great concentration, holding it in front of his face with both of his thumbs and index fingers. He seemed to be holding everything that way. 'It's not bad, but if you don't remove the part which says "it's fine if you kill L", I'm going to end up dead.' He said to it casually that it was almost funny.

 _Almost_ funny.

But it made Light laugh like it was the best joke he'd heard in weeks. 'I just thought that Kira would have wanted to make sure L died.' He leaned back on the couch, relaxed, not worried about a thing. 'I was kidding. Feel free to remove it.'

'Alright,' Ryuzaki said. Then he turned to me, holding out the paper to me. 'Olivia, do you mind reading this and telling me your opinion?'

As I took the paper, from the corner of my eye, for a split second, I saw Light looking at me with a look I didn't understand. It wasn't angry, it wasn't happy either. It was almost… wicked. I wasn't sure if there was another word that could describe it. But as soon as I noticed it, it was gone. I read the message Light had written. Clearly they were going to respond to the second Kira with a fake message from Kira himself. And Light had written it. I'd already said it a million times, but I'll probably say it a million times again. Ryuzaki was a genius.

The only part of the message I had a problem with was the "it fine if you kill L". It felt true to the Kira profile, but not to my own mind, so I grabbed a pen from the table between Ryuzaki's chair and the couch Light was sitting on and crossed it out. 'Don't even think about airing that part,' I told Ryuzaki before handing it back. Then I looked at Light, who still looked at me, but now with a neutral expression. Because I didn't know what else to do, I winked.

* * *

XxX

Ryuzaki sent me back to my room soon after that, which I would've been fine with if I hadn't felt so strange. Something was following me. A ghost? I didn't believe in those. The ghosts of the past haunted me, yes, but that was my own brain creating hallucinations. They weren't actually there. Was this one of my many hallucinations? Probably. But why now? Because death was approaching? I didn't think so.

I heard Light leaving and less than five minutes after that, Watari told me I was free to go out of the room again.

I walked into the main room, where one television was showing the news. Ryuzaki was sitting once again with his back facing me, so I grabbed his shoulders while screaming: 'Boo!' This time, I got no reaction whatsoever. At least, no reaction I was able to notice. Watari was looking at me with a suspicious expression though.

'How's it going, Olivia?' Ryuzaki asked me, as unfazed as always.

'I've managed to recreate the same effect on my voice as the second Kira, so I'll start reversing the effect soon,' I answered as I stood next to him with one hand still on his shoulder. 'Can I grab something the eat?' I then asked.

'There are cakes in the fridge and fruit on the counter,' Watari answered instead of Ryuzaki. Which was a little bit odd, but not very odd. He walked with me to the 'kitchen', because, you know, I wasn't supposed to go out of Ryuzaki's sight, which apparently included Watari's sight as well.

As I was cutting fruit and putting it in a small bowl, Watari opened his mouth. 'Listen, miss Olivia, I have a question regarding your behaviour.'

I looked up, surprised and curious. 'A question?' I repeated.

'More a remark, really,' he clarified.

'Alright, shoot,' I said as I put the pieces of banana in de bowl and threw away it's peel, looking for a fork.

As I was looking around for a fork, Watari spoke. 'You see, your… behaviour around Ryuzaki might seem like a normal way of interacting for you and… others, but for Ryuzaki, human touch isn't something he's used to.'

Wow. That was _not_ the remark I'd expected. I looked up. 'Sorry, what?' I asked, completely lost.

'Ryuzaki is used to isolation, many people rather stay away from him, as you've probably noticed,' Watari added with a small smile. 'And even though I must say I like the fact that you're treating him so natural, he's not—'

'I'm not,' I admitted, stopping him from saying anything else.

Now Watari was the one that looked confused. 'Pardon me?'

'I'm not treating him natural,' I explained. 'To be completely honest with you, I don't like touching and being touched. But with Ryuzaki, it's easier. Maybe because he's not expecting it. Maybe because he isn't used to touch either.' I shrugged. 'I don't know. But I am sorry if that has caused any inconvenience.'

Watari shook his head slowly. 'No, not at all. I just wanted to warn you that even great minds can get confused sometimes.'

I still wasn't entirely sure what he was trying to tell me, but for some reason, his conversation was kind of awkward, so I just said: 'I'll keep it in mind.'

Then Watari handed me a fork and smiled. 'Thank you.'

* * *

XxX

We walked back into the main room, only to overhear the news.

' _The criminals that have died of a heart attack today are mostly from England, with the most interesting one being—_ '

The world around me stopped as the photo appeared on screen. The suit, the eyes. _The mouth._ Even the hair. It was him. He was always there.

And suddenly, he was _everywhere_. In my ears, in my eyes. I wasn't even sure where I was anymore. 'No… stop…' Hands that grabbed my when I didn't want to be grabbed. My legs that started to bleed as I was grabbed over the ground, the chains – always the chains – but this time, it was not his voice I saw. His hands were there, his eyes, his mouth. _That_ man was in the room with me, screaming that I had to stand up, screaming that I had to get up.

Screaming that I had to love him as much as he loved me.

'Go away! Go away!' I put my hands of my ears, but it was no use. It was like he was _in_ my hears, spreading across my whole body as he murdered me over and over and over and over.

'Olivia?'

Far away. Too far. The help wasn't for me. 'No, not me!' I shouted. 'Not Olivia!' I tried to explain. I was _here,_ in here! Trapped. In a body, in a room, what did it matter, I was dead for the world. Dead because of the awful thing I did.

Rats walked over my body, shouting: " _Why won't you kill me, little girl?!_ "

'Get away!' I shouted. 'Don't touch me!' But the rats wouldn't leave me. The rats suddenly felt like hands as they took away what I was, murdering who I had been. My parents, my school, everything. I was a dead. But somehow, I was still alive. 'Let me go!'

I felt that someone grabbed me and somehow, it felt even more real than before, I started to shout, but then I felt his fist against my face again and I stopped, started to sob as he tried to get not only my body, but also my heart. He wouldn't. I hated him.

Somewhere, far away, a door shut. 'Olivia.' Someone…. It wasn't a question, it sounded like an answer. An answer to what.

'Kill me,' I whispered to the person on the other side while trying to remember who it was I was talking to. Where was I? In the building? In the hospital? The police's headquarters?

 _No, I always have myself under control at headquarters._

'Please, just kill me.' I grabbed someone, the fabric felt familiar, but also strange.

And then, one simple word cut through all the memories and the hallucinations and it felt like thousands of hands on my body disappeared and I was let go as I fell into the darkness where no one could hurt me and no one could murder _me_.

'Allison.'

It felt as if I opened my eyes, even though they had been open the whole time. I looked into two dark eyes in a dark room. There was no light, but I still could see his face, could hear his voice. Smelled his scent. _Someone I trusted._ The first one I trusted after what _he'd_ done to me.

I blinked a few times and I felt tears falling from my eyes. God, I hated crying. 'Ryuzaki?' I asked softly.

He looked at me, his head slightly tilted to the side. He looked… on guard. 'Look, I know that that name probably brought up some memories that you don't want to remember, but I needed to bring you—'

Before he could finish I let go of his shirt, which I had apparently grabbed, and put my arms around in, burying my face in his shirt. This wasn't me looking for human touch. This wasn't me looking for _Ryuzaki's_ touch. This was me trying to find comfort, trying to find prove that I hadn't been murdered. But when I heard how Ryuzaki's heart was racing, something in my brain gave me a signal, telling me that I needed to think about something Watari had said. But there were still too many pictures, feelings and memories in my head to even remember what he'd said to me, so I just closed my eyes and let my tears dry.

It took about ten seconds for Ryuzaki to respond, then he answered my hug in an awkward way, but it was more enough to comfort me, at least a little. 'Call me by my name again?' I asked after a few minutes of just standing there saying nothing.

'Allison,' he said, the word nothing more than a whisper. But it was the most magical thing he'd ever said. So magical that he even said it again. 'Allison.'

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 **XxX**

 **So… that was emotional. Ooh, the drama! xD I had a clear view of how I wanted that last scene to go, but I hadn't thought about it from her point of view, so that was quite hard. Also, I was actually a little bit positive about Light in this chapter. Kinda, sorta. I'm proud of myself.**

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 **XxX**


	13. Silence & High Sound

**I'm back! But only for today, probably. I'm not sure when I'll update again, but for the people who don't know how long by breaks are yet, they're never longer than three weeks, so don't worry.**

 **Not sure how I feel about this chapter. It's not bad, but it just didn't turned out how I wanted it to turn out. This story is much harder for me than 'An Awful Lot of Problems' was and I don't know why. I'll try to make these chapters better, though.**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **13\. Silence & High Sound**

I should've known that Ryuzaki was good at keeping a secret, but _man_ , he was pretty good at keeping the secret from _me_ too. I didn't want to talk about it, and after that, he didn't bring it up again. The only difference I noticed was that he kept glancing at me, and not subtle either. He looked over, stared at me for about three seconds and looked away again. I wasn't sure if I should be embarrassed or flattered by his sudden interest, but hey, at least I was allowed to work in the main room again. Ryuzaki even allowed me to watch some videos of _Misa Misa,_ who I was watching some random shows of because she was going to work with Sanami soon. Or maybe they were already working together. I was surprised her high-pitch voice didn't annoy Ryuzaki in the slightest, but the other Task Force members _did_ seem to mind, so I usually watched her when they left.

I was starting to get results. My voice started to sound the same again. Almost the same. It needed to be perfect in order for my tactic to work, so it was a lot of trying and deleting, trying again, and deleting the effect again.

I was almost done when Ryuzaki ordered me to pack my laptop and move to my room, but when I asked if I was allowed into the room after my equipment had been hidden away, he answered 'yes'. It was almost as if he didn't suspect me anymore. Almost. But not quite.

Watari helped me with my computer and everything I had brought to the main room. I could see by the way he looked at he wanted to say something to me, ask something, maybe, but he didn't say a word. And because I probably wasn't going to enjoy whatever he was planning on saying, I kept my mouth shut as well.

Then I had to choose. I could go back to the main room, say "hi" to Light and keep up with the investigation, so that Matsuda didn't have to tell me everything I missed. Or I could finish restoring my voice and show Ryuzaki the results the moment Light was gone.

It wasn't really a choice, though. I went back to the main room almost immediately, ready to welcome Light when he got here.

It was surprising how interested Light had become in talking to me after the Kira investigation started. Before that I had been nothing more than his father's colleague, but now, he treated me as if we were best friends. The problem now was that because of Ryuzaki's theory, I interpreted everything Light did now as something Kira was doing, so that meant that he was getting close to me because that indirectly meant getting close to L.

'How come you're always here, Olivia? Dad told me you were frequently late,' he said, which was a dangerous thing to say, but I understood that if he was Light, he wouldn't know that and if he was Kira, he knew that Ryuzaki wasn't listening because he was too far away, so I guess he was kind of safe.

I decided to play save by overacting. 'I am _never_ late,' I said, as seriously as I could so that he wouldn't take it seriously. Then I winked. 'This is an important case and even though your dad won't fire me over something like that, Ryuzaki might.'

'On the contrary, I would let you stay here if you were frequently late,' Ryuzaki responded from quite a distance, standing up and walked towards us. 'But you already know that, don't you?' he asked me as he put his hands in his pockets.

 _What are you doing?_ I tried to ask him, but I couldn't. Not with Light here.

Hallucinations can happen frequently, but I know the signs. If I was crazy, I should've realised it already. But I felt it, someone was chuckling in my ear and then someone was speaking, softly, as if through a wall, making me unable to understand.

I tried to keep calm, I had freaked out two days before, too, and I didn't want anyone to think I was mentally unstable.

Just when Light opened his mouth to ask Ryuzaki what he'd meant, Ryuzaki's laptop made the recognisable _ding-_ sound that let us know that Watari was contacting him. A funny thing a noticed was that Watari's 'W' on the screen was replaced with another 'L' when Light was here. I'd already figured out Ryuzaki tried to convince Light that there was more than one L.

' _Ryuzaki,_ ' Watari's distorted voice said, ' _the second Kira responded._ '

We all looked over at the laptop. 'What?' Yagami said, more scared than happy that we got a response.

'It's here?!' Matsuda shouted, as if more reaction was needed.

Watari ignored the remarks and kept speaking: 'The envelope and the way the tapes were formed are identical to the previous package. The envelope and the tapes are on their way. I will send the video to you right now.' We heard a 'click' and then the letters KIRA appeared on the screen, in the same font Ryuzaki and Watari used. Really a childish female.

' _Kira, thanks for replying!_ ' the voice said and by just those few words I could tell that she used the exact same methods as before. ' _I'll do anything Kira-san said._ '

'Yes!' Yagami said, happy to hear that, while Matsuda's only reactions was: 'Ooh!'

' _I want to meet Kira-san. I think Kira-san still doesn't have the eyes, but don't worry! I won't kill Kira-san no matter what!_ ' the second Kira continued. The way this person spoke annoyed me, even when it sounded so metallic and distorted as it sounded now.

' _Doesn't have the eyes?_ What does that mean?' Aizawa wondered, but no one knew the answer, so no one answered.

Then I made a mistake. Or maybe it was the greatest choice I'd ever made in my life. But I made the mistake to look at the person standing beside me.

But it wasn't Light.

Light Yagami was a smart, calm, perfect young man with almost no emotions or flaws. The person I saw when I looked was sweating, his eyes almost red with anger, his teeth clenched, his hands were fists. This wasn't Light. This was… a stranger.

I panicked, scared he would notice I was looking, so I looked away. My shocked expression could be because of the video, I told myself. Light wouldn't suspect me. And this stranger wouldn't either.

' _Please think of a way to meet without getting caught by the police. When we meet, we can just confirm each other's identity with our Shinigami._ ' That was the moment I actually wanted to look at Light again, but a loud "clatter" stopped me. Ryuzaki's chair had fallen and Ryuzaki himself was sitting on the ground, his arms were shaking, which was odd.

'Are you okay, Ryuzaki?' Matsuda asked.

'Shinigami,' Ryuzaki muttered. 'Is he saying that Shinigami exists?'

Even though he seemed to be quite shocked and confused, he still managed to hide the fact that the second Kira was probably a female person from Light. Impressive.

I had to admit that I had a hard time figuring out what this was about. Shinigami? What was that? Wait… _shin_ is death and _kami_ is god… 'A god of death?' I whispered in English.

It was Light who spoke loud and clear, clearly regained his calm. 'Ryuzaki, you can't help that people talk about nonsense like Shinigami.'

 _Well, he sure recovered quickly,_ something in my brain told me and I knew now that a big part of me would start to see Light as Kira now, even though I tried to fight that for so long.

Ryuzaki slightly turned his head to look at Light with a look at that was dry and sarcastic that I started to wonder if I was supposed to laugh now. 'The message Kira made his victims in prison write also affirm the existence of Shinigami.'

'So, perhaps this tape is from the same Kira who killed those victims in jail?' Yagami suggested. 'Since they talk with the same…'

'That's not it, chief,' I said, and I saw that Light closed his mouth, since I'd probably just said what he'd been about to say. 'The old Kira wouldn't respond to this tape, because he knows it's fake. And he certainly wouldn't make it unnecessary for L to reveal himself on television.' I crossed my arms, missed too much of the puzzle pieces to finish this puzzle. Shinigami? What'd she say? _We can just confirm each other's identity with our Shinigami._

'Then maybe the real Kira and the second Kira have contacted each other and are using things like "Shinigami" to confuse us?' Aizawa suggested, which wasn't a bad suggestion, actually.

But Ryuzaki shook his head. 'That's probably not the case. If they had contacted each other, Kira wouldn't have stopped the plan to kill me…'

I shivered when he said that.

As Ryuzaki grabbed his chair and started to lift the chair – and himself – back up, he continued speaking: 'The second Kira is not trying to do what the real Kira would do, instead it's more like he is doing whatever he thinks needs to be done to reach his goal. He is not acting in pursuit of Kira's goal, he is doing what he feels need to be done.' He sat down on the chair he'd just lifted again. 'Which is to meet the real Kira.'

'So that means the second Kira is only interested in knowing who Kira is.' He crossed his arms, seemed to be thinking. The problem was that with Light, you could never really tell. The only moment I could see clearly, had been just now, but that moment was gone and would never come back. 'Then maybe "Shinigami" is the code word for their common ability to kill? We can just confirm each other's identities with our Shinigami would mean that they prove their identities by killing someone on the spot.'

Ryuzaki stared at him for a short while, and no one said anything. Then he said: '…I agree.' As if he was ashamed to admit it. 'At the very least we know now that "Shinigami" is something the two have in common.'

I wanted to say something then, but I wasn't sure how I would bring it up, so I brought my hand up. 'Excuse me, Ryuzaki? May I add something?'

Everyone looked at me, slightly confused. I usually never politely asked to speak.

'You may,' Ryuzaki said with a small nod.

I took a deep breath and said: 'I don't think it has directly something to do with the killing method. I know that the second Kira seems less intelligent than the real Kira, but no one would be as dumb as to just kill two people on the spot, that would attract way to much attention. Wherever they want to meet, there's a big chance they would get caught, especially at a more public place, which if you leave the security camera's out of the story, would be the most save for them. Also, if it was just the method to kill, the name "Shinigami" seems very specific. It sounds more like something Kira would call himself than something that you could show to prove your identity.' Then, suddenly, I got it. 'Couldn't "Shinigami" be referring to the person they got the power from?'

I wasn't sure if the members of the Task Force were looking at me in amazement or in confusion, but I could tell that my theory wasn't much appreciated.

Ryuzaki sighed. 'Those are all likely theories, in my opinion, but for now, we'll leave it to two Kiras to make the next move.'

When I glanced over at Light, he looked only slightly surprised, because that calm mask was still there, not allowing more of a reaction.

'Leave it to them?' Ukita asked, confused.

Ryuzaki stared up at him, his chin lifted only a bit, as if lifting his head a bit more would be too much effort. 'For the second Kira to make a reply now, assuming he hasn't figured out that the response is a fake, he must be fairly content with the situation. His goal to catch attention of Kira has been achieved. Using words that only they would understand, the imposter plans to give Kira the message today on Sakura TV's 6 o'clock news. On the other hand, the real Kira must be paying close attention to the exchange between us and the second Kira. Kira must want to minimize contact between the second Kira and the police. If this keeps up, I don't know what will happen.'

This was the first time Ryuzaki admitted something like that. I mean, sure, he was uncertain before, but he always had percentages and all the scenarios thought out. This almost sounded unsure.

Lucky enough, he wasn't done talking, though. 'Maybe Kira will end up sending him his own videotape message. Right now, the only medium we can use is Sakura TV. There are way too many unreliable sources about Kira on the internet, thousands of them. Thus, it is difficult for the two Kiras to contact each other online. Nothing is dependable as predicted murder on television. Also, I think it's fairly obvious that the second Kira is not good with technology nor is he smart or disciplined.' Ryuzaki gave me a quick glance when he said that, clearly referring to what I'd said about the voice distortion. 'So, if he doesn't get any reply from Kira about his message, what will he do?' Then, slowly, a smile started to appear on Ryuzaki's face as he started to enjoy himself more and more. 'If the foolish second Kira starts to leak out Kira's secrets, then Kira will want to meet the second one as well. That will be interesting. If Kira sends a taped message to prevent that from happening, it will be even better. The chances of acquiring physical evidence against Kira will greatly increase.'

Then his smile faded again and he returned to being the boss and the detective. 'Please warn each TV station about this and set up surveillance. If there is another Kira message, I will decide whether or not it will be aired.' Was I the only one who noticed that Ryuzaki was staring at Light, as if he was the only one he was talking to?

* * *

XxX

When I walked back into the main room, while hugging my laptop, all the other members of the Task Force were gone, leaving only me and Ryuzaki, which made me wonder where Watari was. Sure, he hid when Light came, but now, no one was here. 'Where's Watari?' I asked, not asking where everybody'd gone, because the answer would most likely be irritating or way too long.

'Out,' was the only answer I got. Clearly, I was still a suspect. 'Did you finish your assignment?'

'I have restored my voice to its original state, that's why I'm here,' I told him. I sat down on de ground between the screen he was looking at and his chair and put my laptop on the ground. 'I wanted us to listen to the second Kira's voice together, since you probably can do more with it than I can.'

When I looked up I saw that he didn't understand a word I was saying. Not because I was speaking English, because hell, that was easy for him, but because he didn't understand why I would want to listen to the result together with him.

I gave him a small smile before clicking on play.

I think I'm quite right when I say that neither of us had expected this. At first I was certain that I recognized this high – frankly irritating – voice, but then I remembered. 'Misa-Misa!' I shouted at the laptop screen.

Ryuzaki looked at me, only slightly confused. 'Who?'

I closed the audio file, not completely, but only so that I could start of internet and show him a clip from the show. 'She's an artist of some sort. Mad as a box of kittens, but she's quite famous!' I shut up so that he could hear her voice.

'Hmm,' was the only thing he said when the clip was over.

'What _hmm?_ ' I asked, not understanding what that reaction was about.

'I didn't know you liked this sort of stuff,' he mused, a hint of a smile on his face.

I almost closed my laptop out of surprise and anger, but I kept myself under control. 'I don't, she works with my aunt. But it's her! The voice! She's the second Kira!'

Now he looked at me quite bored and cynical. 'Are you sure?'

'Yes!'

'How sure? Voices can sound alike and we aren't sure that your tactic made for a perfectly accurate outcome. So, how sure?'

Well, since I wasn't an expert in thinking in percentages, I went: 'Like… eight out of ten?' Maybe I shouldn't have made it sound like a question.

'Hmm.'

Argh! There he goes again with the 'hmm'. What's that supposed to mean? Hmm as in, brilliant, I believe you? Hmm, as in, you're in idiot, get the hell out? When he didn't say anything besides that and was just staring off into the distance, I put my hand over his hand, which was laying over his knee. 'Ryuzaki?' I asked.

He immediately moved, surprised by my sudden touch and looked at me, suddenly very serious. 'Let's keep this information between us,' he then told me.

'What?' I said, because never, in a million years, that was something I wouldn't have guessed.

Ryuzaki was staring again, but now he was staring at me. 'We pretend like we don't know about this Misa-Misa person, we pretend your software didn't work.'

'Why?' I asked, confused.

'Because you will visit your aunt as often as you can on set. You will get close to the suspect and whenever she leaves the set, you'll follow her. And you'll tell me everything. If anyone asks why you're absent, I'll tell them that you collapsed and that I gave you some days off.'

I didn't follow this at all. 'You would let a Kira suspect trail a possible second Kira?' I asked, slowly, picking every word with care.

'Yes,' he simply answered. Then he jumped off of his chair. 'I'll hire someone who'll work together with you, he shall follow her from her home to set in the mornings and keep taps on her phone and her credit card, maybe she'll buy some suspicious things.' He'd been looking at the closed window until then, when he turned around to look at me. 'Make no mistake, I wouldn't let you go if I didn't think this would be beneficial to our case. I believe you are very capable of just believing in me and my tactics and not ask too many questions. I'll give you your phone back, even though he will be monitored. You can contact your aunt tonight, or tomorrow morning and as soon as you have an answer,' his eyes started to glow with joy and that same, amused smile appeared on his face, 'the game will begin.'

* * *

XxX

 _"_ _Hey Sanami, I have a few days off now, because of my hard work and I have to admit that I would love to see your work place. Can I visit the set sometime?"_

 _"_ _Yes, of course! I already called my agent, if you wish to come over, just tell them your name by the entrance, they'll let you in anytime. Be sure to bring a passport!"_

I smiled as I put my phone on the nightstand. _The game has begun._

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Bye bye! Hope to see you soon. If it's not soon, then it's probably around January 15** **th** **.**

 **Hope you all liked this chapter! I know there's not much progress in their relationship yet, but that will come, just you wait. Bye for now!**

* * *

 **XxX**


	14. Phones & Notes

**Hello! Finally, I have time, Jesus, school was killing me. But hey, I'm writing now! And I think the story will be better from now on, simply because now, I'm less stressed and more relaxed. I'm only going to write when I feel up to it and I'm going to write what I want and try to stop myself from being too close to the manga. I don't know why, but I've taken very few liberties with this story until now. I think this is the moment I'll try to change that. Anyhow, sorry for updating so late and enjoy the chapter!**

 **BTW, I'm usually not someone who updates once every few months, I hope I can go back to my 'at least one chapter a week'-schedule. This chapter isn't in the weekend, but from now on, I will update either Friday, Saturday or Sunday. But not next week, as I'm turning eighteen next week, so I have a lot of stuff to do next weekend.**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **14\. Phones & Notes**

'I got it Matsuda, thank you for keeping me updated,' I said in the phone as I walked up to the giant building which seemed a lot more familiar now.

I heard a short, nervous laugh at the other end of the phone. ' _You're welcome, Olivia. But… you do remember that you can always come back, right? I think the chief's missing you._ '

I sighed, missed my team, too. It had only been three days, but because I'd spend almost every waking hour with the team, I missed them a lot. But Matsuda didn't know that I _was_ still working. He thought L had sent me away because of my 'hard work', but also because he thinks I might be Kira and he doesn't want me around too often just in case. That last part was probably true, but that didn't explain why he'd put me on the case.

'I know, I know. And I will eventually. I think this break can be good for me, though,' I said, trying to find an excuse to hang up, which I didn't really have. I couldn't tell him I was working right now, because he knew – or thought – that I wasn't. And my excuses didn't go much further than that.

' _I understand. But it's funny, I think even Ryuzaki's missing you. He's been acting kind of strange since you left._ '

I held in a laugh. 'Isn't Ryuzaki always strange?'

There was a short pause at the other end of the line. Then: ' _Ah, you're right! But still, I think he misses you._ '

Then I heard Ryuzaki's voice in the background, saying: ' _Don't you think it is time to get back to work?_ ' Which was followed by Matsuda saying: ' _Ah yes. I gotta go, Olivia. I'll call you tomorrow._ ' The short _beep_ told me that Matsuda'd hung up.

The moment I put my phone away it made a noise, telling me I had gotten a message from my fellow Misa-stalker. My colleague called himself Jack, which was obvious a fake name, and he was English. I had never seen him, but I was sure he'd seen me. He should know I have blue hair, it's kind of impossible _not_ to notice blue hair in Japan, where the majority had either brown or black hair. The message was short, telling me that Misa Amane had bought a school uniform, a wig and fake glasses. All strange, of course, but who knew what a strange girl such as Misa would do with those?

'Ah, you're here again today?' the security guard said as I walked up to the entrance.

I nodded. 'Yes, I just find this way too interesting. May I ask where they are?'

'They're filming in studio 6 today, but only in the morning. Misa Amane has requested a short work day today,' the security guard told me. I noticed from day one that this man said too much. Which in my case was a plus.

I gave him a polite smile and bowed, before heading to studio 6. My wig was in my bag, I put it on whenever I followed Misa after work, which was often. Jack would take over after six, I was only supposed to tell him her location at half past five.

'Olly!'

Misa's loud and incredibly high scream stopped every thought in my head. She ran for it, put her arms around me and spun me around like I was her best friend. Maybe I was. No offense, but Misa seemed too annoying to have a lot of genuine friends. And for some reason, she'd liked me from the moment I first visited the set. I mean, great, it made my job a lot easier, but still. It seemed off to me. I wasn't a girl that Misa normally would love to hang out with, was I? 'I missed you _soooo_ much, Olly!'

'Where's Sanami?' I asked her.

I wasn't sure if Misa was actually offended or if she was just acting offended to tease me. 'What? I just said that I missed you and you start asking about your aunt? Geez, what am I going to do with you, it's like you don't like Misa at all.'

What? Really? She really was Sherlock Holmes, wasn't she? I tried to keep myself from rolling my eyes and forced a smile. 'Ah, sorry, sorry. I missed you, too. It's a short day today, right?'

Misa nodded enthusiastically. 'Yes, I have to go somewhere, so I asked my agent to change my schedule.'

And so the whole cast and crew had to change theirs, well done, Misa. Jesus, this girl was stupid. But not _stupid_ stupid. She was smart enough to be stupid. That may sounds strange, but that's what she was. Smart enough to play dumb.

'But you really must like Misa, since you come here so often!'

Still, really, _really_ dumb, though. 'Yes, yes. What are you going to do today? Something fun?' I tried to sound like a real teenage girl with teenage girl drama and teenage girl gossiping. That wasn't really my strongest point.

She pulled a face that was meant to be her poker face, but it gave everything away. It had something to do with a boy. 'Not telling you!' she said teasingly, before hopping back to the make-up artist who had been standing there lost and kind of annoyed since their actress had ran away.

I sighed, considered standing next to Misa and questioning her some more, but then I decided that I had better things to do. Such as say hi to Sanami. Well, it wasn't really a better thing to do, but it sure was a less annoying one.

'There you are again. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're stalking me,' Sanami teasingly said when I approached her. She seemed already done with the make-up, ready to go. With the script in her hand and some assistants on her side, she really looked like a star. I forgot what she was sometimes.

I faked a laugh. 'Ah, stop it. Stalking you wouldn't be much fun, would it? But this does seem fun. I should've gone to the film academy instead of the police school…' That was a lie. I knew how terrible the conditions in the film industry were. No thank you.

'But shouldn't you be resting, too? That's why you've gotten a few days off, right? I rarely see you chill, you just jump around Tokyo all day.' For a woman who was rarely home and barely cared about me at all, Sanami sure was observant all of the sudden.

I gave her a small smile. 'Jumping around Tokyo is what relaxes me.' Of course not. Not at all. I hated going outside.

But I wasn't going to tell her that.

* * *

XxX

Misa left really quick, which was odd. Normally, it took ages for her to leave the set. You could always her the staff complaining about how long she always takes to get out of her costume into her normal clothes. And she did get into her normal clothes.

But as I followed her as she took a train to Aoyama and walked into a café next to the train station. I followed her inside, saw how she immediately walked out of the bathroom. I decided to sat down in the corner, as far away from the window as possible, but still in a good spot where I could see all the tables, so that it didn't matter where Misa was sitting.

It took a while for me to realise that it was Misa who got out almost five minutes later, even though I had seen the wig, since Jack had sent me a photo. It was definitely the wig and the uniform she bought, but why? She didn't want to be recognised, sure, I could understand that. But the hat and the sunglasses had been working for her thus far, so this seemed really… odd.

What was even stranger was that she walked out of the café almost immediately and started to walk further. Almost ten minutes of walked later – which was odd, if she was going to walk this long – she could've just gotten out of the train at the next stop – she entered another café, called Blue Note.

She readjusted her fake glasses before sitting down at a table close to the window. I decided to take one in the corner again, but this time, I was more focused on seeing her instead of seeing all the tables.

I was wearing a wig now, so I doubted that Misa would recognise me even if she saw me, but still, spying on her like this felt almost scary, as if I was really actually playing with my life. Which, if she was the real second Kira, was the truth.

Nothing was going on really, she just sat there, staring outside the window, not drinking the lemonade she ordered. I got bored and grabbed my phone, decided that I should just enjoy myself a little.

 _Everything going well with the investigation?_ I typed and I initially planned on sending it to Matsuda, but changed my mind.

It took about half a minute for him to respond. _Shouldn't you be working?_

I almost snickered out loud, but I pressed my lips together. Classic, Ryuzaki. _I am working. What about you? I never thought you were the type of person to text._

 _I'm not._

I knew I was smiling like an idiot, but I didn't really care. Did Ryuzaki knew how amusing he could be? _So why are you answering then?_

 _You texted me first._

Good point, but that didn't really answer my question. _I never thought you were polite enough to answer anyone who texts you first._

 _I'm not._

I rolled my eyes. He was impossible. _So why are you answering?_

 _I'm sorry, since when did you become the detective?_

Wow. That was a sassy answer. Quite impressed, I must say. _Since never. I'm not a detective. I'm a cop, though. And a spy, apparently._

 _A spy who is terrible at her job._

Okay, that did make me laugh out loud. _Pardon?_

 _You can't keep an eye on Misa Amane when you keep looking at your phone._

 _Oops, sorry._

 _So, go to work._

 _Yes, sir!_

 _Don't do that._

 _Do what?_

This time, it took longer for Ryuzaki to respond. And it wasn't really a response either. _Delete this conversation once you're done distracting me from my work._

 _Why?_

I got no response after that. Which might have been better, because Misa suddenly pushed her chair back and stood, still looking out of the window.

As I looked through the window as well, trying to see what she was staring at, I saw a group of college students. All familiar faces. But the two most familiar faces of them all were Matsuda and Light, who were walking with this group.

And Light was looking right at me.

XxX

'I'M GOING TO FREAKING MURDER YOU!'

Ryuzaki actually looked surprised when I ran up to him and grabbed his shirt. 'Do you think it's funny to play with me?! To keep me in the dark?! DID YOU TELL MATSUDA TO KEEP THE IMPORTANT DETAILS A SECRET?!'

I would have been surprised that Ryuzaki remained as calm as he did, but I was too angry for that now. 'I see that you noticed some things.'

'SOME THINGS?! SOME THINGS! LIGHT PROBABLY SAW ME! MATSUDA COULD HAVE SEEN ME! AND ALL YOUR LUDICROUS SECRECY WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR NOTHING!' I made a fist and wanted to hit him, but Watari grabbed my wrist.

'JUST LET ME HIT HIM ONCE!' I shouted at the elder man.

Watari put his free arm around my waist and pulled me back with a surprising amount of strength. 'Miss Olivia, please. This isn't the time and the place. Once you calm down, we can talk.'

When I tried to pull myself free, Watari let me go with ease, but still kept close watch on me. 'I'm still going to hit you once after you've explained yourself,' I muttered to Ryuzaki.

He cleared his throat and sat up as straight as he normally sat again, not seeming all that bothered. 'That's fine, you've every reason to want to.'

I rolled my eyes. 'Are you even a human being?'

He stared at me for a long period of time. Then he said: 'That was a rhetorical question, I presume?'

I gave him a cynic smile. 'Wow, you really are Sherlock Holmes, aren't you?'

He sighed, then he made a small gesture with his hand. 'Sit down and talk, I don't want to have this unnecessary conversation with you.'

'Unnecessary?' I asked as I sat down on the couch, simply because the choice of words confused me.

'You're angry. I find having a conversation can be quite difficult with an emotional person.' He shove the plate with small doughnuts and muffins that was standing on the table towards me. 'Have some.'

Even though taking a chocolate muffin on the plate would be almost the same as admitting defeat, I grabbed a muffin and started eating it while trying to look as pissed as possible.

Ryuzaki grabbed his form and started killing the mini-doughnuts by poking them with the fork. It could hold three doughnuts and when there were three mini-doughnuts on the fork, he brought it to is mouth. 'The reason I kept it a secret was because I wanted your analysis of the situation afterward. We all noticed that there weren't any odd encounters, but since you did see Light and Matsuda, I assume that Misa was there as well. Or you left your post.'

Shit, that was a good reason to keep it a secret. Not the one he gave me, but if the second Kira had arranged this meeting, then I – as the possible first Kira – would've gone to the location. I only ended up there by accident, but if he'd told me, there was no guarantee that I did end up there by accident. I cleared my throat. 'The fact that I came there without knowing what was going on should be enough to tell you that I followed Misa there.' I explained about the wig and her reaction to Light.

'Oh,' was all he said before looking up, clearly thinking through what I'd seen.

I grabbed a mini-doughnut while he thought, hungry since I came here right after my shift ended. I would've come sooner if I didn't have this strange, strong sense of justice. I never really had that before, but something about this case made me _want_ to be in time, made me _want_ to follow orders. Made me want to stop Kira, even if I myself didn't really care.

Then, suddenly, Ryuzaki jumped on the couch next to me and started to lean into me, forcing me to back away and feel extremely uncomfortable. 'Olivia Upson,' he said in an almost cute way. I could see his eyes so clearly, his long eyelashes, the bags under his eyes and the fair skin he had. I wondered if he used lotion. 'I'm going to ask you to move back in with me again. And I'm going to ask you to keep everything a secret. This may or may not include you having to sign a contract.'

Then again, Ryuzaki didn't seem like the type who'd take care of himself or his skin.

I rolled my eyes and put my index finger on his forehead, pushing him back a little. 'You should make up your mind whether or not you want me around you or not, buddy.' As Ryuzaki backed off more on his own, I sat up straight again. After sighing, I said: 'Okay. Sure. It's not like I made a lot of trouble the previous time. Do I have to give my phone to you agai—' In the middle of the sentence, I noticed that Ryuzaki already had my phone in his hands. Dang it! I should've known he came close to me for a reason. 'Hey!'

'Hello,' he replied and I saw a small smile, which was something I didn't get to see often. And this time, the smile was for _me._ I couldn't help but smile a little myself when I thought about that.

'What are you doing with my phone?' I asked as I tried to take it back, but he kept me off him easily with one arm.

'I'm checking if you deleted our conversation from today,' he explained.

'You don't even know my passc—'

He turned the phone around to show me my list of texts, his still there. I hadn't deleted them yet. I had been too busy. Also, I didn't want it to disappear. It almost felt sad to delete the messages. 'Hey!' I shouted again.

He turned the screen back to himself and started to tap on buttons. 'Hello,' he replied again, while deleting our conversation. Then he handed me back the phone, to my surprise.

'What? You're not confiscating it?' I asked as he stood up, putting his hands in his pockets.

As he walked away, he said: 'Not today. You've deserved a little reward for your hard work.'

As he left the room, I felt a smile crossing over me face and I couldn't help but let the laugh come out. Hard work. He actually complimented me, rewarded me. How strange. How odd. I'd just shouted at him, even trying to punch hi—

Goddammit. He got out of the situation perfectly fine. 'I'm still going to hit you sometime!' I shouted through the room.

'Looking forward to it!' he shouted back and maybe it was my imagination, but I swear I could hear him laugh after he'd said that.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Nawww, babies! I actually have no idea if I'm writing L the way he is in the manga, I think that's why I tried to stay close to the manga with him, because he's hard to write, because he is such a unique and distinct character. Anyway, thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed it! As for replies to the reviews, I'll do that next time. I need to finish my homework now… Oops!**

 **Bye bye!**

* * *

 **XxX**


	15. Weapons & Gambles

**Hey hey hey! Back again! Missed me? Whenever I say 'Missed me', I think about that song by the Dresden Dolls… not really a surprise, but still.**

 **And… I'm rambling again, just ignore me. And enjoy the chapter!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **15\. Weapons and Gambles**

' _I have found Kira. Thank you everyone at the TV station and the police station._ '

There was a strange tension in the room while we watched the video with this message. I was trying to not look at Light or Ryuzaki, and it seemed like they were doing the same. Ryuzaki was staring to the corner of the screen, thinking about something, avoiding everyone's eyes. And Light was staring right in front of him, sometimes glancing over at me.

Of course, I wouldn't have noticed this if I'd succeeded. But I was looking at them the whole time, scared and entranced while doing so. Kira and L, so close together. And if Light _wasn't_ Kira, then that would mean that Light would be suspicious of me from now on. I had been free that day and the odds that I would find myself there without knowing what was going on was… well, really small. So if Light wasn't Kira, he would definitely suspect me.

But wouldn't he be? Was there any doubt left? Light was Kira, and that was it. There was no room for doubt. Well, Ryuzaki had said that the odds were about 86%, because there were some circumstances that he either couldn't predict because the lack of information, or simply situations that caused us the perceive the events differently than that they actually happened.

Even though the three of us were silent after the message, all three of us deep in thought, the other police officers started to talk right away. 'He said he found Kira! This is bad!' Aizawa said.

'Yes… they have joined forces,' Yagami sounded defeated.

But I shook my head. 'You don't know that for sure,' I said.

Before I could explain, however, Ryuzaki butted in, looked at his cup of tea instead of us. 'Olivia is right. We can't say that they have joined forces, yet. Before this, the second Kira always said "meet Kira", but this time, he said "found Kira". This means that he has found out who Kira is, but probably hasn't contacted him yet. At least, they didn't meet before he sent the package on the 23rd. If they had, he would not have used the word "found".'

I nodded, agreed, not that he needed that, he knew he was right without my confirmation. Then Ryuzaki started to talk to Yagami about using bait to make sure the second Kira tells us who Kira is before Kira finds out who he is. It was a more complicated plan than that, but since I knew that the second Kira wouldn't betray the first, not after all the did for him, so I stood and slowly walked towards the kitchen to get some water. But halfway to the kitchen, I turned around, only to see Light sitting completely still, with an expression on his face that I could only describe as pissed off.

* * *

XxX

I was in the kitchen, drinking water, when a voice suddenly said: 'Why don't you go home with Light?'

I almost chocked on the water and stepped back, which resulted in me standing on Ryuzaki's foot and he grabbing my arm to avoid the water from spilling. He looked almost amused when he said: 'Don't be frightened, I only asked you a question.'

'As if I can control my feelings,' I said, which I immediately regretted. I didn't know why, but that just sounded… not wrong, just… not right. Like I was telling him something else than I was trying to say.

But Ryuzaki didn't seem to mind. 'To a certain degree, you can. Of course, I won't ask you to do that…. Right now,' he added, clearly just to be sure. 'But Light is leaving in a few minutes and I thought that it would be a great idea if you went home with him.'

'Why?' I asked, immediately suspicious.

'We've been keeping taps on the two Kira's, but not all my employees can enter their homes. You can. I don't think Light will object if you ask him.'

That made this whole situation even more suspicious. 'And why wouldn't he?' Light was the king of turning people down in such a way that you felt flattered by the end of it.

The childish smile that Ryuzaki smiled then, made his whole face light up. And I must admit that it made me heart race. Not sure when that had started. 'Because, right now, he suspects you of being the second Kira.'

* * *

XxX

Of course Ryuzaki was right. Never doubt the greatest detective on the planet.

It was also clear that Light was expecting something, but I wasn't going to say anything until he started to talk. 'How was your holiday? Were you able to rest?' Light decided to ask when the silence was too much to bare. If he hadn't broken the silence, I probably would've, because the strange shadow and soft noises I kept hearing whenever I was around Light were starting to drive me crazy.

I shrugged. 'It was nice, but I wish Ryuzaki wouldn't have sent me off. Even though I don't always like him or his methods, I like working on this case. It's…' I faked a smile that was just a tiny bit wicked, just in the hope that that would get me some bonus points. '…interesting.' I heard a chuckle coming from somewhere, I decided to ignore it like I did with all the other odd things I heard and saw.

Light smiled. 'You sound like there's more to it than that,' he said jokingly, but there was a hidden seriousness in that remark.

I sighed. Then I sat up straight. 'And? How's it going with school? I haven't been going much lately, so maybe they'll kick me out.' And Ryuzaki hadn't been going lately either, which meant that we'd both be kicked off. That or Ryuzaki would pull some strings again, but I wasn't sure if that was necessary. I already had my degree and Ryuzaki? Who knew what he had. Maybe he had nothing, but if he had, he didn't need it. He was smarter than most college professors anyway.

'It's okay, most of the students are nice. I kind of miss you, though,' he said, in an obvious flirty manner.

Well, sucks for you, buddy. Not interested. I laughed. 'Who wouldn't?' I said jokingly, clearly a rhetorical question.

I wasn't expecting any sort of answer, but I did. 'Kira, probably,' he said, still a vague smile on his face, but the expression on his face seemed a lot harder now.

I almost, _almost,_ asked: 'doesn't that mean that you wouldn't miss me?' But, lucky enough for me, we'd reached his house and his sister opened the door before we had time to ring the bell. She ran towards me. 'Long time no see!' she said while hugging me.

I didn't know how to react, so I just said: 'I guess.'

'Do you want to stay for dinner?' she asked after releasing me.

Had Ryuzaki said anything about having dinner with the Yagami household or no? No. Had he told me of I should leave right away or stay as long as possible? No. So… was I supposed to make the choice now? 'I'd love to stay.'

* * *

XxX

After dinner, Sayu and her mother watched some television with me. Some drama-show I didn't know. After the episode, Sayu asked Light if he wanted to help her with her homework. She got a reaction that I didn't like. 'Why're you asking me? There's a much smarter person in the room,' he said, winking at me.

Liar. He didn't actually think that. He just wanted to be in his room, playing the perfect teenager that he wasn't. No. He was far from perfect. But he loved to believe he was. Light was like that. Kira was like that, too.

Sayu wasn't a person who could concentrate easily. We'd only been working for ten minutes and she asked a question that was completely of topic. 'Olivia, do you have a boyfriend?' she asked.

I froze. Of course I didn't. _Married to my work_ wasn't exactly a sentence I'd like to use, but it was kind of true. An image of Ryuzaki popped into my head. _If only that was the case_ , my brain whispered, which immediately made me shake my head like a crazy person. 'Nope, nope, nope,' I said.

Sayu laughed. 'Okay, you don't have to be so obvious about it. So… who is it that you like?'

Okay, for a somewhat stupid person, she was actually pretty good at this.

I shook my head again. 'I don't have anyone I like,' I muttered, not really convincing.

She noticed, too. 'Could it be…' she pointed at me, almost as if she was accusing me. 'You like my brother?!'

I was shaking my head like a crazy person again. _Dating_ Light? _Kissing_ Light? Gross. But then, I had to admit that it wasn't _Light_ that grossed me out. It was the fact that he was Kira. 'No, no, no, no, no. He is like, the complete opposite of Light.'

'Aha!' Sayu shouted, pointing at me again. 'So there _is_ someone you like.'

Jesus, she should really help the police with interviewing suspect, she was good. 'I mean… not really… I mean, I don't _like_ him. It's more like…' My eyes fell on one of the posters in her room. 'It like that!' I said, pointing at the poster. 'You like those guys, right?'

'Right,' she answered slowly, not sure where I was going with this.

'It's like that with me. You don't really know them that well, but you admire their work and the small bits of their personality that you've seen.' I didn't even like all the bits of personality I had seen from Ryuzaki.

Sayu seemed to get it. 'So it's admiration?'

No, that didn't sound right. Now odd. 'No, it's more like…' I tried to think of something. 'Like, you want to be their best friend, or you want to be helpful to that person. You want to be praised by that person. You want that person to say _good job_ or something like that.' I stopped talking when I noticed that Sayu was smiling at me with a cheesy expression. 'What's with your face?' I asked.

'Sounds like love to me, Olivia,' she said teasingly, giving me a small push.

I froze completely, dropping the pen I had been holding on the ground, staring at Sayu as if she'd just told me she was a vampre.

Sayu didn't seem to notice. She just made her hands into fists. 'Alright, back to math!'

Yeah, as if I could think about math right now.

* * *

XxX

'Hey you!' I said, storming towards Ryuzaki.

'This again?' I heard him mutter before I grabbed his cheeks, which seemed to surprise him.

I held his face like that, stretching his cheeks, which resulted in him making a really funny face, but I could laugh later. Now wasn't the time. 'Seriously?' I asked myself, remembering Sayu's words. 'Are you serious, Olivia? This? You know you could do better, right? What about your dreams? Leonardo DiCaprio? Johnny Depp?' It wasn't true. I was touching him right now, holding his face. And I felt nothing except insulted. Me, liking someone as unattractive as this? That had to be insulting, right?

'O-o-o-o-o-olivia?' Ryuzaki tried to say, which was hard since I was holding his face and I was clearly making him nervous.

Right. Ryuzaki didn't like it when people touched him.

I let him go immediately, but did swear as I walked through the room. 'I don't feel anything,' I mumbled. Then I walked towards the kitchen. 'I'm going to get some ice-cream,' I announced.

As I put some ice-cream in a bowl, I laughed softly to myself. 'Me, liking Ryuzaki? Ha! As if.'

* * *

XxX

Going to Light's house became a regular thing, but it seemed like every day Light was distancing himself from me more and more. I hung out with Sayu, helped her with her homework, watched stupid drama's with her, but I didn't talk much with her, afraid she would bring up _that_ topic again. And true or not true, the consequences of that conversation topic were bad enough for me, but they weren't exactly good for Ryuzaki's cheeks as well.

We were watching a drama in her room when the bell rang. Even though her mother was home, she paused the drama and stood. 'I'm going to check the door, stay here, okay?' she said and I obeyed. Maybe it was Yagami. Maybe it was a friend of their mother's. But it was odd, it was quite late.

I got a text, but before I could check, I heard Sayu scream: 'Big brother! Your friend came to bring the note you left at the university!'

I froze. A friend… of Light? Not that odd, if you thought about it. What _was_ odd was Light leaving a note. Light would never forget anything. Certainly not a note. He hated it when people took over his homework and notes, so he certainly wouldn't leave a book full of homework and notes to steal.

I heard how Light ran downstairs, quickly, as if he was in a hurry. And I wasn't sure what to do. Go downstairs? What was the point, wouldn't that be suspicious? And what if there was just a friend from college? Wouldn't he jump to unnecessary conclusions if he say me? And what if it was Misa? What would that solve? Ryuzaki told me that people were watching her, so he didn't need me to find out if it was her or not. Right?

Still, it felt like I was betraying the Task Force and the mission when I just stayed there, on the bed, looking at the paused screen, trying to hear some sounds.

When, only moments later, Sayu came back into the room, I felt absolutely terrible and wanted to leave. 'Who was it?' I asked.

Sayu put her hands over her mouth. 'I wonder, it could be big brother's girlfriend.' She turned to me with big eyes. 'But she was wearing very inappropriate clothing. I could see her panties as she walked up the stairs!'

Up the stairs? 'She's still here?' I asked.

Sayu nodded as she sat beside me. 'Yep. I think Light want to thank her.' She gave me a look that I did not understand. 'If you know what I mean.' She winked.

Great, now I felt even worse. 'What'd she look like?' I asked.

Sayu looked at the ceiling when answering, as if there was a picture of the person right there. 'Black clothes, blond hair, with pigtails and she was quite pretty… She's kind of the cute type, like me!'

Shit. Misa. Everything she said just now was Misa. Well, pretty… Yeah, I guess she was. Kind of. But her annoying personality kind of ruined the total image.

'By the way,' Sayu asked, not putting the drama back on. 'Why are you so interested.' She leaned in. 'You do like my brother, don't you?' she asked, wiggling with her eyebrows.

I pushed her back just a little. 'No way. I was just curious.'

She smiled. 'Really? Well, you should show me a picture of your boyfriend sometime. I really wonder what the opposite of Light looks like.'

I pulled a face. 'He's not my boyfriend.'

Sayu laughed. 'Whatever.'

* * *

XxX

I left the house around 11 pm, too scared that me and Misa would leave at the same time and run into each other. I headed over to headquarters immediately, only to find most of the members of the task force still there. Not sure what to think about that.

'Ryuzaki,' I said as I walked in. He was looking at a screen, but blocked the view, so I couldn't see what he was looking at.

'You can leave,' Ryuzaki said and at first I wasn't sure if he was talking about me or the other members. But it became clear when Ryuzaki said: 'Take a seat, Olivia.'

As I walked towards the chair next to him, I heard Aizawa wonder: 'Hm… Does Ryuzaki ever sleep?'

Matsuda, who was standing next to him, answered: 'Once, I saw him sleeping while sitting on the chair like that…'

I almost chuckled. They knew Ryuzaki could hear them, right?

Without looking, I knew that Aizawa must've given Matsuda an incredibly dry look, because as I was sitting down, Matsuda said: 'I'm serious!'

Ryuzaki turned around and looked at the two. 'Do you mind? You've been excused roughly 30 seconds ago, more than enough time to leave the room.'

Okay, so maybe he phrased that a little rude, but it had been the truth. So Aizawa shouldn't look so moody as he left the room. The moment we were alone, Ryuzaki said: 'I heard that Misa came by the Yagami house this evening.'

I nodded, but then, the feeling that I betrayed him came up and I shot out of the chair and started to ramble. 'Ryuzaki, I'm sorry! I didn't see her. I mean, I knew she was there, but I just didn't know what—I mean, I couldn't just…'

Ryuzaki made me stop talking by putting his arms around me in a most awkward and weird fashion. And yes, it did felt awkward and weird. He smelled cleaner than I thought he would and was warmer than I thought he would be. But it was definitely weird and awkward. Awkward because we were both silent and I didn't even understand what he was doing and weird because… I didn't understand what _I_ was doing. I wasn't sure why my cheeks felt warm and I sure as hell wasn't sure why my brain was telling me to smell him, to snuggle my face in his sweater and return the hug. I wasn't even sure why I wished this moment would never end.

Okay, so let's recount the facts. One, when I touch Ryuzaki, I don't feel anything. Two, when he touched me, I _do_ feel something. Three, I admired him and didn't think he was ugly. Four, even though I hated to admit it, I didn't find him unattractive, like everyone else seemed to think. Five, Sayu might've been right all along.

I shook my head when I thought that, slowly, not to scare Ryuzaki off. 'R-r-ryuzaki?' I asked slowly.

'You've done great, Allison,' he said slowly, something in his voice made me blush even harder. ' _Good job._ '

* * *

XxX

'May I ask something?' Misa asked, putting one finger in the air.

Light sighed. 'Sure, what is it?'

'Do you need to report it when I see… strange things?' she asked, putting on an innocent face.

Light's eyes narrowed. What was that supposed to mean? 'What do you mean?' he asked, trying to lay as much kindness in those few words as possible.

'Well,' she wiggled in her chair as she spoke, 'on the television, there was a girl whose lifespan wasn't changing! Normally, it goes down like tic, tac, tic, tac. But hers wasn't moving at all!'

Light glanced over at Ryuk, he shrugged. So it was possible. He made it seem like it wasn't that big of a deal. _So perhaps it wasn't as strange as this imposter said it was,_ Light thought.

'And sometimes, the names don't match the name they introduce themselves with. But I've gotten used to it now, so I won't overreact or something when I see this L-person.'

 _This L-person?_ Light had to gather all his patience to stay kind and calm. Yes, people were hiding things, that wasn't strange. And what should be done with the people whose lifespan wasn't changing? He looked at Ryuk. 'People who have lifespans that don't change… are they immortal?'

That made Ryuk laugh. 'Of course they aren't! Everyone makes mistakes, lifespans are like that, too. Sometimes they're just broke. It happens. No biggy.'

But Light couldn't help but wonder if it really was "no biggy" at all.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **End of the chapter! I want to write more, but I have more stuff to do for tomorrow and I don't want to be in bed too late, because I've been sick these past few days.**

 **Well, see you guys next weekend! Maybe sooner, but count on the weekend! Bye bye!**

 **BTW, I'm going to start replying to reviews again, not every review, because it's not always a review that needs reply or something like that, but when a review asks a question or says something that I want to respond to, I will respond. I haven't done that in a while, but from now on I will. So feel free to leave a review! Even if it's just you saying that you hate this story and won't ever read it again, I don't really mind that much. So feel free to review/follow/favourite.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Jaytin: hahaha, thank you!**

 **SupremeGeneralJoker: You and me both XD. Can't wait to write the scene!**

* * *

 **XxX**


	16. Eat & Sleep

**Yayy, here I am again! I made it! Kind of. I wanted to write Friday, but then my head suddenly started to hurt like crazy, so that was annoying, but anyhow, I'll start writing now!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **16\. Eat & Sleep**

'You've done great, Allison. _Good job._ '

I think anyone in my situation would be confused right now. Ryuzaki didn't like touching other humans and he certainly did not touch people without a reason. So what was the reason? Was this his way of praising me? If it was, fantastic, but if it wasn't… then what was this?

I think he must've noticed the fact that I stayed frozen in his arms, because he slowly started to move away, which – for some reason – I really didn't want, so I just grabbed his sweater. 'Why do you say that?' I asked, trying to distract him from the fact that I was hugging him back and red as a tomato right now.

It took a lot longer than normal for Ryuzaki to answer my question. 'Misa knows you, so if you'd shown yourself, she would've recognized you and talked to you, in front of Light, which would only make him suspicious of you. And since Misa has seen your face, she could've killed you. If Light thought you were a threat, for even a second, he could've asked Misa to kill you. It would've been easy for them.' His hand kept running through my blue hair like he was trying to find something in it. 'You've done good.'

He was really trying to let me go now, so holding onto him would be stupid, so I let go as well. Which resulted in possibly one of the most awkward moments of my life. We just… stood there. Like it was normal. Like we were… something? I wasn't sure what.

Ryuzaki didn't seem to feel awkward, though. He just sat down in his chair again. 'The two Kira's have met and probably joined forces. We need to be on our guard.' He frowned. 'I'll inform the Task Force as soon as possible, but we'll need more evidence first.'

Now _I_ was frowning with him and since I for some reason didn't like talking to him while sitting normally on a couch or in a chair, I sat down on the floor in front of him. 'More evidence, what do you mean?'

'Misa Amane is a lot less… intelligent than the real Kira is. I'll sent a team that'll thoroughly investigate the tapes sent to Sakura TV, but with the subject already in mind, which makes it easier to find the evidence that they need. Then, when we've enough evidence, we'll capture the second Kira and use her to lure the first one out.' Ryuzaki out his thumb in his mouth. 'Light has to take action in order to protect his own safety. And when he does – ' his eyes started to glow ' – we'll catch him.'

Right. Light was Kira. Ryuzaki had never used both Kira and Light as lightly as he'd done just now before. Like there was absolutely no doubt. And maybe there wasn't, maybe it was just me hoping that it wasn't him. Chief would be devastated. And Sayu? What would she think? And his poor mother…

'You look tired.'

Well, that certainly wasn't something _I_ expected to hear. And to hear that from Ryuzaki! 'Excuse me, _I_ look tired? You've been looking like a raccoon ever since I met you. Don't you think telling me I look tired is a bit hypocrite.'

And then it happened. Ryuzaki laughed. Not a smile, not a chuckle, but an actual laugh. When did he actually, really laugh? When? And it wasn't like I'd made a fantastic joke. It hadn't been a joke, actually. So… why now? And why did his laugh turn my stomach upside down?

'I wasn't criticizing, I was just pointing out the facts,' Ryuzaki simply answered. 'But fine, I'll get some sleep.' Then he frowned again, as if nothing happened. 'But before that, I want to ask you one more thing.'

He sounded kind of sinister, so I decided to look away from his face, because I wanted to keep the laughing Ryuzaki in my mind, not the serious one. 'Hm?'

The next thing he said left me with no happy thoughts in my head, though. 'If I die in the next few days, you need to stay close to Watari. Make sure you follow his orders accordingly and trust the persons Watari trusts.'

I froze. Of course. A plan. For every outcome, Ryuzaki had a plan. This didn't mean anything. This was just a measurement, just in case. This didn't mean… 'Why?' I asked, looking up at the young man, who wasn't looking sad or sinister now. He looked… neutral. As if we were talking about groceries instead of his death.

Slowly Ryuzaki lifted his finger and scratched the top of his head. 'Even if I manage to convince the Task Force, it'll still be hard for them to figure out how to bring this case to an end. If I were to die, there will be help from a different place and since you are a member of the Task Force, you can be the person to make sure this investigation ends smoothly.'

No. No. No. I shook my head. 'I'm sorry, Ryuzaki. But I don't think I can… do that.'

He looked surprised. Of course he did. He didn't know why I worked her and for whom. For what. 'May I ask why not?' he asked me and I saw that he was trying to hide the fact that this had, in a strange way, hurt him. Did he expect I would follow his orders to the ends of the earth?

I sighed, took a deep breath before answering. 'I want to stop Kira. I do. But… it's just that…' I wasn't sure how to explain it, which caused my words to not come out. I sighed again, tried again. 'What I mean is… I would follow _you_ to the end of the earth. But not your orders. And I refuse to stay in the Task Force and play your little secretary when you're not there. I can't go back to being the chief's assistant; we're after his son! Whether he would believe that or not, it would be difficult to "end this case smoothly" for everyone. People are going to get hurt. But I don't want to be the one who does the hurting, just because you're not here to do it yourself.'

Ryuzaki opened his mouth, but whatever he was going to say, I didn't want to hear it. He probably didn't even understand what I was talking about.

'So,' I said, a bit louder, 'you should just make sure that you're around to give me orders. Because I won't be around to follow any orders when you're gone.' Then I stood, muttered 'good night' and left before I could feel even more embarrassed.

* * *

XxX

Sleeping in the hotel room had become somewhat familiar to me, but I rarely slept in the actual bed. I felt more comfortable in a chair or on the couch, in the same room as Ryuzaki. This night, however, it didn't really want to be near him, since that made me more uncomfortable than loneliness would.

Gosh, was I wrong.

Sleeping with the lights on – or music on – at home was something I'd needed. Sleeping in a room with the sound of computers doing their work and Ryuzaki's slow breathing had been that replacement. When I slept in this room, I usually kept the door open and one light on. But today, I was sleeping in an empty hotel room with sheets that smelled different and darkness that felt unfamiliar, the door closed and I had nothing to protect me from the nightmares.

And they weren't new. It wasn't like they never came when I did have light or sound to keep me from going insane.

'You're quite the looker, aren't you? I love your hair. So dark and… alluring.'

The bad thing about dreams is, that he always had thousand hands. They were in my hair, caressing it like it was a treasure. Yes, he'd loved my long, dark hair.

He hadn't touched much more than my hair, he never really did. He had other women for that. But he kept me, as his toy. On his lap, by his side, in his bed. It didn't matter. Even though he never tried to harass me more, he was always there. Touching me, telling me that one day, the day would come where he wouldn't just touch me. And that day, would be my last.

I shook awake as soon as the hands tried to pull me closer, but I woke up in a pitch black room, with two glowing eyes staring into mine. 'Do you really think you can flee from me?' he said, grabbing my arms. 'You're _mine!_ You'll die before I let them take you. You belong to _me._ ' I heard sounds, from above, from everywhere. Screaming police officers, looking for _him._ But he was too busy with keeping _me_ away from them. 'Yes, I'll just have to kill you right here and now! They'll never get you!'

'Don't!' I shouted and suddenly, I was in the pitch dark room of the hotel. Yes. A hotel room. Of course. I was in a hotel, not headquarters. They were caught, he is dead, there is no…

Something moved beside me and I froze, shut my eyes again. _No, not again, go away. Go away._

But then I smelled a familiar smell. Soap, something vaguely sweet. I tried to see in the darkness and when I looked harder, I saw messy hair and a white sweater, rolled up like a baby above the covers where I was laying under. Thumb again his lips, but not in his mouth. At least, that's what I thought I saw.

I should've kicked him out of the bed. I should've yelled 'what are you doing?!' like any normal lead would do in a romantic comedy. But this wasn't a romantic comedy and I wasn't mad. It was Ryuzaki. He didn't have any weird reason for sleeping here, he probably just wanted to get some sleep, so he slept in the bed.

But he didn't look like he was sleeping soundly either.

And maybe it was stupid. Maybe it was dumb. Maybe I should've woken him up, made us both some hot chocolate and then get back to work. But Ryuzaki was sleeping and I was still mildly in panic and for some reason, hot chocolate did not seem like the solution. So I just looked at him, as I was lying next to him, looking at him his chest was slowly going up and down. He was sweating mildly, on his forehead, so I reached with my hand and wiped the sweat away with my sleeve. My touch seemed to calm him down a little, so I kept touching him. With my hands I put his hair away from his face and grabbed his thumb. He was too old for that, and it wasn't good for the shape of your teeth, either. I secretly wanted to hug him, but the position in which he was laying made that nearly impossible, so I didn't. I did, however, hold on to the hand that had been in front of his mouth. The touch seemed to calm him and it certainly calmed me. I took a deep breath and stared and I kept taking keep breaths and I kept staring.

Okay. So maybe Sayu had been right. I could probably remove the 'maybe', but it felt weird to do so. And it didn't make any sense. I had no clue who this man was. Yes, he was 'L'. But that's not a person. L is the world's greatest detective. What did I know about the man behind that title? He looked sweet things. He was socially awkward. He didn't really care about what others thought about him. He didn't like wearing shoes and he didn't like change either. He was always grumpy whenever we had to switch hotels, even though it was his own choice. And he always wore the same kind of clothes, took showers always around the same time. So… what didn't I know? That list was a lot longer. Where's is family? How did he meet Watari? Are there multiple L's? Who's going to take over once he's dead? Why did he constantly switch between trusting me and suspecting me? What kind of logic is that?

With my free hand, I ticked against the tip of his nose. 'You're a weird one, Ryuzaki,' I whispered, so softly that I would barely hear it myself.

His answer was a slow breath and a soft noise that almost sounded like a sound a sleeping child would make and I couldn't help with smile slightly as the panic disappeared completely. This was what a needed, no sound or light could ever comfort me more than the fact that Ryuzaki was here, alive and breathing.

And it was time that I stopped wondering why, when I knew the answer.

* * *

XxX

I think I expected to find myself with an empty hand and an empty space next to me when I woke up. But even though Ryuzaki wasn't sleeping next to me anymore, my hand wasn't empty. Nor was the place next to me. Ryuzaki was sitting there, laptop on the bed, one hand still in mine. Like he was protecting me.

In my mind, I pictures Ryuzaki asking Watari to bring his laptop and Watari bringing it to him with a soft smile. That old man would come for me later because of this, I knew it for sure, but for now, I wanted to stay here, for just a little bit more, so I closed my eyes again.

'I know you're awake, you know,' Ryuzaki said softly, as if he could still wake me up. 'I've been paying attention to your breathing patterns. A few minutes ago, it started to change and if my calculations are correct, you should be awake by now.'

With a grin, I rolled over, still holding his hand, and gave him a punch with my free hand, which knocked him off the bed. Lucky enough for him, the laptop didn't fall.

I looked over the edge of the bed, only to see Ryuzaki sitting there, on the ground, completely baffled. Which of course made me laugh harder than I had in weeks. 'Your face!' I cried out while laughing. 'You look so shocked!'

Ryuzaki tried to regain his cool. 'What was there for?' he asked after clearing this throat.

'Told you I would still hit you sometime,' I said as I used the hand I was still holding to help him up again.

He climbed back on the back, clearly still a bit surprised. Then he let go of my head, cleared his throat again and said: 'Ah, yes, quite right. Does this mean we're – as they say – even know?'

Whoever 'they' were, I knew that me and Ryuzaki would never be even. He was world ahead of me. But he didn't know that. 'Sure. I guess. Maybe.' I gave him an evil grin. 'I would still stay on my guard if I were you.' I gave him a small push to emphasize my words.

This led to Ryuzaki clearing his throat once more. 'Right.'

* * *

XxX

'Hello,' Light said politely as he entered the room together with Matsuda.

'Light, good timing. We just got another message from the second Kira,' was Ryuzaki's reaction. And even though it was clear he was trying to sound pleased that Light was here, it was also clear that he was – in fact – not pleased.

As Light put his bag down, he frowned slightly. 'Another one? The frequency of these messages is getting annoying…' he mumbled.

 _Yeah, right,_ I thought. _As if you didn't order Misa to send this tape._

'Yes, but he said that this will be the last time,' Yagami explained as he grabbed the remote and restarted the video. 'Take a look.'

' _I won't use Kira's name to speak in public anymore. Thanks to the police for the suggestions… However, I want to help Kira and get his approval. I'll start by punishing criminals that Kira has not yet taken care of… Lastly, I am willing to share this power with everyone that wants to help us. I hope the world will change for the better._ '

Ryuzaki grabbed the remote from Yagami's hand and stopped the video before it could stop automatically. 'After seeing this,' he said, overly depressed, 'I feel that the second Kira must've contacted Kira already.'

Because Ryuzaki had asked me to do so, I kept a close watch on Light's face. And well, I realised that I should refuse the next time Ryuzaki asked me to do that, because as soon as Ryuzaki had spoken, Light's face turned into stone and it looked as if there was a shadow covering his face. It was all kinds of scary. 'What make you say that?' Light asked Ryuzaki, his voice sounding scarier than usual. Seriously, why was no one noticing?

Ryuzaki grabbed for the doughnuts as he answered, his tone light, not scared at all. 'You don't think so? I thought Light would feel the same way. First, he's no longer saying anything about meeting Kira, second, he said that he wants to get Kira's approval by punishing criminals that Kira didn't. Does that mean he didn't think so before? It doesn't make sense unless the two Kira's have met. In which case, Kira told him to start carrying out the punishments.' During the time he said this, he also managed to eat two doughnuts. He was now nibbling on the third one as he said: 'Kira must've also told him to keep the fact that they've met a secret.'

It took a bit longer for Light to answer, but when he did, he seemed calm again. As if nothing ever happened, an illusion. But from now on, I would never think that _I_ saw things wrong. It wasn't an illusion. It was Light's mask falling off. '…I see,' was the reaction Light gave after a long pause.

I zoned out of the conversation after that, mostly because almost everything Ryuzaki was saying was something he'd already said to me. But also because I felt a strange pressure behind me and I kept thinking that there was someone – or something – there. Maybe it was Kira's power, an extra weight that he had to carry around and maybe I was just sensitive to it? Or was I just sensitive because it was Light, and Light was Kira?

'If I were Kira, I wouldn't do that.'

That sentence made me snap out of whatever I was thinking at that moment. Gone. Completely. Light had just said the words 'if I were Kira'. Of course I'd notice.

'Why not?' Ryuzaki asked, still going about this lightly. I wasn't sure if that was a mistake or not, so I decided to just not say anything.

Everyone was staring at Light, except for Ryuzaki, which was odd, because Light was staring at him. 'If Ryuzaki is L, then I know L's personality all too well. No matter what happens, L will never show himself on television. He will never sacrifice himself. He will definitely find some way around it.'

It took longer than normal, but then Ryuzaki turned around with an innocent little smile on his face. 'You're right.'

Before he could say anything else, though, Yagami turned towards his son. 'Light! Even if it's just hypothetical, don't say things like "if I were Kira". Even though I know that you're not, it still hurts to hear it.'

I shivered, froze, for just a second, but it was enough. It hurt him to hear his son say that? Well, his words hurt me. 'He just wanted to tell Ryuzaki what he thought,' I said while staring off into the distance, which could be considered weird, so I tried to stop staring, but I was afraid that when I stopped, I would cry. And that wouldn't make any sense. 'And by adding "if I were Kira" it also points out that he's not.'

I knew that Light, Yagami _and_ Ryuzaki were looking at me, but I still wasn't looking at anyone. 'Ah,' Yagami said, 'that is true.'

Then, suddenly, the mood changed. I wasn't sure how and why, but what I did know, was that Ryuzaki had something to do with it. He suddenly looked down, grabbed his tea and started to swirl his spoon through the cup. 'You shouldn't be Kira, Light. If you were, I would be in turmoil, because Light is the first friend I've ever had.'

I quickly glanced over to Light, whose mask shattered for a moment. He looked genuinely surprised, but then the lie came. And I always noticed the lie. '…Yeah… I also feel that Ryuzaki is an irreplaceable friend.'

'Thanks,' Ryuzaki reacted simply, putting his tea down again.

'It's been boring since you don't come to class anymore,' he told him. Then he turned to me with a smile. 'You, too. You should to class more often. I mean, I know you've already finished the University, but still. I miss you.'

Before I could answer, Ryuzaki opened his mouth. 'Don't worry, she'll be back,' he said and everyone could hear the warning that came with this announcement. 'In fact, we'll both be back.' Then he sighed. 'However, I don't think I'll be back until the whole Kira incident is taken care of. I hope that day arrives soon. Right now, no matter where I go, I get chills down my spine whenever I see someone looking at me. Maybe it's better it I don't hide…'

That last part had sounded kind of sad and it made me shiver. I wished for a moment that the Task Force wasn't there, so that I could give him a hug, or at least comfort him. I decided to do that in the only way I knew. 'I'm going to make some hot chocolate,' I said, stepping away from Light a bit. 'Who wants some?'

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 **Chapter over! And I'll write next Friday probably, as I have a busy weekend, but I do wish to update every week, like I said. Even though, for some people, it's already Monday. Time is so weird… Okay. I need to stop now. Bye!**

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 **Review Replies**

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 **MickeyLOLgirl: haha, patience, patience, my friend. I think it will be next chapter? Or the chapter after that, but sorry, it didn't fit in this chapter. Hope you like it when it comes, though ;)**

 **Princesa de la Luna: I'm going to answer your review in parts, because there were a lot of questions. 1) Can I make the chapters longer? Well, my chapters have been around 3000 words since I started writing my first fanfiction and they've gotten a bit longer, but not much. That's just the way I decided to write the chapter and in my opinion, they're long enough. It's what I'm used to. Some chapters can be longer sometimes, just because I planned a part of the story and sometimes that turns out to be longer that I'd expected, but I'm not going to forcefully make my chapters longer, sorry. 2) Can I give it my all to not take so long in updating this story? If you read my ramblings before and after the chapter, you'll know that I always try to update once a week. When I can't make this, I always announce it before or after a chapter, so be sure to keep that in mind. I only do that when I have a busy schedule, a lot of homework or when I'm sick. For example, I did say that I wouldn't update the weekend of the 6** **th** **and 7** **th** **of February, because it was my birthday. I always try to announce it and when I don't, you can count on one chapter a week. And 3) I from the ones you names, I know them all, but I only read parts of Sailor Moon and I've seen the first sixteen episodes of Sailor Moon Crystal, I've watched Code Geass, I have watched some epidoes of Yu-Gi-Oh when I was younger and I've read and watched Vampire Knight. I know the others, but I just haven't watched or read them. Sorry that my answer became so long XD, I tried to keep it short, I really tried.**

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	17. Gambles and Cell Phones

**I'm back! Yayy. I like updating. But there might not be a new chapter next week, because I'm on vacation. Still, there's a big chance I'll still update anyway, but just so you know.**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

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 **17\. Gambles and Cell Phones**

'Yagami-san. If I die in the coming days, your son must be Kira. Oh, more hair.'

I almost dropped the small bag of hair I was holding when Ryuzaki suddenly said this.

I wasn't as surprised as Yagami and the others, though. 'Huh? Why do you say that all of a sudden, Ryuzaki?' Yagami asked.

 _Because he already knows your son is Kira. See it as a small preparation for the moment you'll realise it yourself._ I wasn't sure that was the reason he'd brought this up, though. But had upset me about that statement, though, was the part where he said that he could die in the coming days. That just… threw me off.

Instead of answering the question, Ryuzaki kept looking at the pieces of evidence gathered from the video tapes the second Kira – Misa – had sent us and went on talking. 'If I die, I'm leaving everything to Yagami-san. Watari will work with you too. After I die, the only one who can make Light admit his true identity is you, Yagami-san.'

And, thank you very much, asshole. If I hadn't known any better, I would've kicked him. it would be easy, too. I sat on the floor right in front of the table he was sitting behind.

'Ryuzaki,' Yagami said, clearly trying very hard to remain as respectful as possible. 'Didn't you say my son has more or less proved himself innocent? Tell me the truth. How much do you suspect my son?! Don't give me any lies!'

He ignored the request. 'If Kira has really made contact with the second Kira, I may die any day now. If I die, please proceed to prosecute Light as Kira. I've told Watari about this, too.'

 _And me,_ I kept thinking. _What about me?_

But I knew the answer. Ryuzaki didn't expect me to be part of the investigation once he was gone. Did he think that because he knew I didn't want to work on this case without him? Or did he think that if he died, I would be dead as well?

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XxX

'With the gathered pieces of evidence, we've concluded that there's a great chance that Misa Amane is the second Kira,' Ryuzaki announced while sipping his tea. 'I'm going to directly lure out the second Kira by staying close to the real Kira suspect. I ask your cooperation.'

I wasn't sure why he was saying it like that. I wasn't sure why he was asking cooperation. I wasn't sure why he voluntarily went on this suicide-mission.

It took a while, but Ryuzaki managed to convince everyone of his plan and everyone went out to prepare themselves, leaving only me, with no task, in the hotel room with Ryuzaki. 'What's going to happen now?' I asked, unsure about everything.

'We're going to go to college,' Ryuzaki told me.

I frowned. 'Come again?' I asked.

'Misa Amane has a photoshoot in town today, close to the university,' he told me. 'There's a chance that she'll come to visit Light once it's done. When that happens, I'm going to show her my face.'

I froze. Come again?! 'Pardon? You'll die!' I shouted, shooting up. 'Are you mad?!'

He grabbed one piece of his hair and started twisting it. 'I suppose I am.' Then he shook his head slowly. 'Misa Amane won't use the unknown power to kill me while I'm there to witness it. Probably,' he added. 'And you'll come along to, to greaten the chances of my survival.'

 _Come again?!_ 'Ryuzaki, Misa knows me! They'll think it's suspicious!'

'Light thinks everything is suspicious,' Ryuzaki reminded me. 'Don't blame him, judging the position he's in. Besides, even so, Light has to give Misa the order to kill you, she won't kill you without knowing for sure that Kira wants you dead.' He stood up from his chair, started to walk towards the door. I knew he wasn't going to put any shoes on, so I didn't bother asking. 'If Light wants to tell her to kill you, we'll pick it up. There's a tap on Misa's phone and we'll be there to listen.'

I still didn't get any of this. 'Why go through all this trouble? We have evidence enough, why don't you just arrest her?'

He turned around slowly. 'Because,' he said slowly, 'we're not doing this to prove that _she_ 's guilty.' A childish smile appeared on his face. 'We do this to convince the Task Force that Light Yagami is guilty.'

* * *

XxX

Okay, no, I didn't complete understand the plan, but I didn't want to ask again. That would make me look stupid.

We weren't going to class, we were sitting on a bench on site, but Ryuzaki didn't explain why we were sitting here instead of in class, where we should be. It was a wonder that they hadn't kicked us of the University yet, but I suppose that was Ryuzaki's power.

Another thing that Ryuzaki was doing was completely ignoring me. He'd brought a book and was reading that while sitting in his "normal" position, holding his book as oddly as he held everything.

'How do you know Light will come here?' I asked him.

'He always walks this way to the front gate,' he explained, then continued to ignore me.

I sighed. 'Are you mad at me or something?'

That made Ryuzaki look up, he stared at me, completely confused. 'No, of course not. Why would you ask that?'

Now we were both confused. 'Because you are ignoring me,' I explained slowly, as if I wasn't talking to someone thousand times smarter than I was.

'No, I'm not,' Ryuzaki responded, just as slowly. We both sounded like kindergarten teachers, but neither of us really seemed to care.

I frowned now, completely lost. 'But you're reading,' I pointed out.

'Yes,' he answer, still completely lost.

'You're reading instead of talking to me,' I explained further. Really, did he not get what I was talking about? Well, that showed that I was wrong, which was both a good thing and a bad thing. A good thing because, great, he wasn't intentionally ignoring me. A bad thing because… well, I was wrong.

He shut the book, but still looked kind of confused. 'Is this better?' he asked.

We both looked at each other with confused expressions. Then I just laughed. 'I always thought that I understood you,' I laughed, 'but sometimes, I still don't get you at all.'

'What's going on with you two?'

We both looked up to see Light standing there.

'Ah, Yagami-kun. Good afternoon,' Ryuzaki greeted, Knowing Ryuzaki, he must've known that he was approaching us.

 _Thank you for the warning,_ I thought, but instead of saying that, I smiled at Light. 'Hey.'

Light turned towards a girl that stood next to him. A pretty girl, I knew that I knew her, I just couldn't remember her name. 'Takada, I need to talk to them alone about something. Let's meet up again later.'

The girl – Takada – looked confused, but since she probably idolised Light like everyone else seemed to do, she agreed without a second though. 'Ah. Okay,' she said before walking away.

'Your girlfriend?' Ryuzaki asked, which made me laugh. We both knew that wasn't the case. Light had been hanging out with a lot of girls ever since he met Misa. Probably so that when he _did_ meet Misa out in the open, it wouldn't look as suspicious.

'Never mind that,' was Light's answer. 'Didn't you say that it's scary to appear in public? Is this really okay?'

'I realised that as long as Yagami isn't Kira, I should be fine, since only you know who I am.' Then he pulled a slightly odd face and added, 'and miss Olivia, but her being Kira is already very close to zero percent. So if I die in the next few days Yagami-san will take over the investigation and every L will know that Light Yagami is Kira.'

I saw that Light was trying to keep his poker face, but that shadow fell across his face again. There was a shadow behind him, too, but I'd gotten used to seeing that by now. I still wondered whether I should tell Ryuzaki or not, though.

Because Ryuzaki got no response, he decided to emphasize his last words. 'Eh? Didn't I tell you? L is a group of people like me, I'm not the only one. Yagami-kun told me that it's lonely without us at school, so when I felt like taking a walk, I came to campus. If I don't have to worry about dying, the university is quite a great place.'

I wanted to say something, but right now, I wasn't sure if I would be able to act convincingly, so I just kept quiet. Light answer came late, which resulted in a long silence. 'Yeah,' he finally said. 'I can't find anyone good enough to chat with when Ryuuga isn't here.'

And, thank you very much. Was I invisible today or something?

'Not even Takada?' I asked, trying to hide the fact that I _was_ kind of insulted.

Light laughed, but it sounded fake. 'Nope. Not even.'

Slowly Ryuzaki stood and this made me panic. What were we going to do! We were supposed to stay on campus! 'Want to get some cake?' Ryuzaki asked Light.

What? No! No cake! I almost said it out loud, but as we started to walk, Light behind us, I gave him a glare instead. He didn't give me any sort of reaction, but he did grab his phone and looked at the time. Suspicious.

'Light! There you are!'

We all stopped walking. I even cringed. That high-pitched, loud voice could only belong to one person.

When we turned around, Misa was standing there in all here small and blond glory. 'I came to this area for a photo shoot, so I just dropped by to see you. The university is such an open place and easy to get in and out of!'

I looked over at L, trying to ask him without words if this had been part of the plan, because I was panicking right now.

Then Misa saw me. 'Oh! Olly!' she said, clearly happy to see me. 'You're here, too? Do you know Light?'

Me and Ryuzaki approached Light and his 'friend' a bit more, but I stayed distant enough. I didn't want her to start hugging me. 'Yes, I know him. I work with his father.'

She discarded that without thinking, once again showing that she really was stupid. Then she looked at Ryuzaki. 'Are you Light's friend? You look so unique. I'm Light's girlfriend, Misa Amane.' She made a small bow.

'Ryuuga Hideki,' Ryuzaki replied.

'Eh?' Misa said, clearly confused. 'Ryuuga Hideki?'

Suddenly, with a slightly panicked face, Light grabbed Misa's shoulders. 'Yeah, his name is exactly the same as that pop idol's name. Interesting, isn't it?'

Misa just stared at Ryuzaki, not paying any attention to the man holding her like she was his prisoner. They didn't look like girlfriend and boyfriend at all.

'You know Misa?' Light asked me then, slowly releasing Misa.

I knew that this was a question he was more curious about then he showed. 'She works with my aunt,' I explained and because of his poker face, I couldn't tell whether he believed me or not.

'The show business is a small world,' Light agreed.

Then, Ryuzaki chuckled, which made us all look at him confused. He was smiling like he'd just received an incredible gift, his finger between his lips in a half thinking, half childish pose. 'Yagami-kun,' he said slowly. 'I envy you.' He stepped forward and the smile became even brighter. 'I'm a big fan of Misa's after reading the March issue of "18"!' he told her and I had to keep myself from shaking my head. _Liar._

Then, people started to notice. Well, of course, there was a superstar on the campus. 'Ah, it's Misa!'

'Eh? Misa?!'

'Wow, it really is Misa!'

'So cute!'

'Wow, she's even cuter in real life!'

People started to run towards us and even though Misa seemed to like the attention ('Yeah! I knew I would be more popular around young people!') , me and Light both seemed to strongly disagree with the situation (Light even muttered 'not good').

I stood a bit further away from the crowd that gathered around her as she started to shake hands and sigh stuff with her cute, yet childish signature. Then I saw how Ryuzaki reached for something, but I couldn't quite catch it because of the crowd…

'Ah?! Someone touched my butt?!' Misa suddenly yelled.

'Unforgivable!' Ryuzaki said, standing a bit straighter and keeping one finger up, as if he was a teacher. 'I won't allow such action in school. I'll take full responsibility for catching him!'

That made Misa laugh and forget the whole situation. Jesus, she was an idiot. 'Hahaha, you''e so funny, Ryuuga.'

It took another five minutes before Misa's manager – whom I recognised from the set I'd visited – came pushing through the crowd to grab her client and pull her towards the next thing on her schedule, while telling Misa she shouldn't be late every single time. While she was being dragged away, she turned around to wave at us. 'Bye Olly! And goodbye, Light! See you after work!' She blew him a kiss.

The crowd looked at Misa as she disappeared and only started moving when the bell alarmed them that lectures began in five minutes. Then Ryuzaki said. 'Oh well. Maybe I should go to lecture once in a while.' He grabbed my underarm, but kept talking to Light. 'We're in the same psychology class next, right?'

When did he have time to learn his schedule out of the top of his head?

'Yeah,' Light said before turning around. 'I'll be there after I go to the restroom,' he explained before walking off.

I wanted to stop him, but Ryuzaki kept pulling me with him, almost as if he was telling me to just do what he did. Then, suddenly, a phone rang. It wasn't mine. And it sure as hell wasn't Ryuzaki's. So why was the loud music coming from his pocket?

He grabbed a red cell phone with a lot of stickers and other stuff and I recognised the cell phone, frowned. But Ryuzaki was smiling his childlike smile again. 'Hello?' he asked teasingly. He already knew exactly who it was, and where he was standing. I tried my very best to hold in a laugh and I had to try even harder not to turn around to see the look on Light's face. I was quite sure he was looking this way.

'Hello?' Ryuzaki repeated when he didn't get an answer. ' _Hellooooo_?'

There seemed to be a response, because a few seconds later, Ryuzaki answered: 'I found this cell phone amidst the chaos earlier.' A long pause, then. 'Helloooo?'

It took another few seconds before Ryuzaki said: 'Oh? I see.' Then he turned around and held the phone up to Light, who was now suddenly standing very close to us. Now I wished that I _had_ looked at him, because the faces I was imagining were terrifying.

Then, a more familiar ringtone rang. 'This time it's my cell,' Ryuzaki unnecessarily announced. He picked up. 'Ok… good… good… It's done? I see.'

When I looked at Light I saw a slightly angry face. A face that he almost didn't have in control anymore.

As Ryuzaki hung up, he spoke. 'This may be good or bad news for Yagami-kun. Misa Amane has been arrested as the prime suspect for the second Kira.'

Me and Light both blurted out a 'huh?!' But for different reasons. I did it because I had no idea why Ryuzaki was announcing Misa's capture to Light like this.

Ryuzaki stood a bit straighter, almost as if he wanted to show he was triumphant, as he started to explain. 'In Amane's room, we found a lot of evidence. For example, the cat hair found on the tape on the second Kira's video cassette. There are also make-up powder and clothing fibers. In order to prevent the certain-chaos that would otherwise ensure, we've decided not to publicise our capture. We told her agent that she is under arrest for possession of illegal drugs. That way, it won't create too much public uproar.'

I decided to play it like this was my first time hearing this. 'Misa the second Kira? Are you serious?'

Ryuzaki gave me a small nod, then looked at Light, we hadn't said a word in a long time. He looked surprisingly frozen, too. 'Are you alright, Yagami-kun? Your girlfriend has been captured for possibly being the second Kira… I understand how you must feel.'

I bit back a smile. Ryuzaki could be so mean when he wanted to be.

'Seeing how I now have a suspect to interrogate, we better get going,' Ryuzaki then announced. 'I think it would be wise to stay away from headquarters for a while, Yagami-kun. You wouldn't want to see your girlfriend like that.' Then he grabbed my underarm again and started pulling me towards the gate. 'Goodbye, Yagami-kun!' Ryuzaki said, but he got no response.

It felt as if Light Yagami had been completely and utterly defeated.

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 **This chapter was a bit short in comparison to my other chapters, sorry about that, I didn't want to drag it anymore. I'm actually really excited to write everything that's coming next, but as I said in the beginning, I might not update next week, because of vacation. If that's the case, I apologize for that in advance.**

 **See you next time!**

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	18. Nothing

**New chapter time! If this isn't online on Sunday, then I apologise, that means that I was too tired on Sunday, so finished the chapter on Monday. A lot of people actually write these notes after writing the chapter, but I like to have a little note before I begin and after, so that's why I'll apologise now, just in case this chapter isn't online Sunday.**

 **Anyway, enjoy the chapter!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

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 **XxX**

 **18\. 'Nothing'**

I wasn't used to people grabbing my by the wrist anymore. Which was kind of logical. There weren't many people at the police who liked to treat this little girl as a shopping cart.

Well, L, apparently, didn't care about that. 'Ryuzaki, what are you…'

'We're leaving,' was the only explanation I got as he pushed me inside the familiar black car, Watari in the driver's seat as usual. 'To headquarters,' he ordered Watari.

As he drove off, Ryuzaki slowly released me, as if he thought I would jump out of the car for a second. 'What's going on? Why are you guys suddenly acting weird like that? Where are we going?'

'Headquarters,' Ryuzaki repeated.

'You mean the hotel?' I asked, not sure why he was being like that.

He shook his head. 'No, not the hotel. I'll be meeting the Task Force there later.'

Now I understood why he'd pulled me to the car like that. 'But not me?'

He shook his head again. 'You'll stay behind and look after Misa Amane. Watari will be there to guide you at all times, however, I will only be there when I'm not needed at the temporary headquarters.'

I wasn't sure how to react to all this. I decided to simply… not react. I decided to take this whole situation as if it was more than logical. 'So, where is this place? Another hotel? A house? An apartment building?'

'It's a special facility I have built, a place to permanently move the investigations headquarters to,' he explained and he seemed to be impressed at how well I was taking all the news the was telling me.

'Why not move them now?' I asked. This was the first question I asked that he didn't care to answer, but I was quite certain he had a reason. Ryuzaki always had a reason. That's what made him so frustrating.

Well, that wasn't all, and I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't figured it out yet. My life amongst old men (sorry, Aizawa, Ukita, Yagami and the others, but to me, you're old) had kind of broken my whole 'teenage girl'-period. My kidnapping hadn't helped either, nor did the fact that I had to suddenly move, while still having post-traumatic stress and being depressed. I skipped being a teenager. That was the best excuse I could find for me having a crush on Ryuzaki, but I was pretty sure that him being L was also part of it. And maybe, just a little, him being adorable.

I shook my head immediately. Stupid thoughts I didn't need right now. However, this sudden reaction seemed to interest Ryuzaki, as he looked at me as if I was having a stroke. 'Should I slap you?' he asked and it took me a while to realise he was asking me if I had a panic attack like I had a whole while back.

'If you hit me I swear to god I will kick you out of this car,' I said, moving away from him as far as possible. Then I turned and looked out of the window, where the city was slowly disappearing as we were entering a more remote part of Tokyo.

I have to admit that I wasn't entirely sure, but I was pretty certain that I heard Watari chuckle from the driver's seat.

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XxX

'Ryuzaki,' I said, trying to keep my anger in.

'Yes?' he mused, his arms behind his back.

'You have exactly five minutes to release Misa Amane,' I said sternly. 'She's a human being!'

'She's also a Kira suspect,' he reminded me, as if that would make the fact that she was al chained up and blindfolded okay.

I made my hands into fists. 'That doesn't matter! She's still a human being! And even if she _is_ Kira, she has an understandable motive that creatives a situation where you should at least treat her a bit better!'

'My life would be at risk if I did,' he said. 'At least someone's life is going to be in danger. I could move her to one of the small apartments upstairs, but that would mean that someone has to be there and that person would be in constant danger.'

Jesus, he was impossible. 'Then I'll do that!' I said. Misa wasn't going to kill me. If she was, she already would've. 'And she won't kill you, I make sure to keep my mouth about you! She probably doesn't even know that the man she met in campus was L!'

Ryuzaki was just staring at the screen which showed a pained Misa.

I was starting to feel hopeless. 'Please, Ryuzaki. If you refuse to do this for Misa, do it for me. She's just a little girl.' _Like me._ I didn't say that out loud.

There was a long silence. Then: 'Watari, please bring Misa to confined room number 6 and make sure to keep her blindfolded until miss Olivia removes it. Also, make sure that both beds in the apartment are ready and that there is enough food in the kitchen for three days.'

Watari nodded and bowed. 'Yes, sir,' he said, slowly, but also with a hint of a smile of his face, almost as if he liked the fact that I stopped his sort-of-son. At least that was what it felt like to me.

As soon as Watari had left the room, Ryuzaki grabbed me. 'You will not speak with her about me, you will not speak with her about the Kira investigation. You're there because you are a Kira suspect as well, not because of any other reason. You're being watched constantly and everything you say will be recorded.' He sounded more like a concerned father than my supervisor, but I kind of liked that. We seemed more like a team like that.

I put my hand on his shoulder. 'I would never betray you, Ryuzaki. And you just need to trust me. Misa is a though girl. Torturing her wouldn't get you anywhere.' I gave him a small smile. 'Kindness might.'

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XxX

For a fancy prison cell it looked quite… expensive and cool. I would love to actually live here. I didn't like the idea that I had to be locked in here for at least three days with Misa, without phone! But there were books. I could cook, Watari had put lots of stuff in the kitchen. And Misa was sleeping right now, she passed out while Watari was moving her.

I sat on my bed which was next to hers, we had to share the bedroom. There were clothes there, but they were the standard clothing, since that was the only thing they had. White shirts and blue jeans. Misa would probably hate it.

She was sleeping pretty soundly, which made me feel a little bit more at peace. 'You're had a rough life, haven't you?' I asked softly. 'No matter how irritating you are, you need someone to look out for you.' I looked at the camera in the corner of the camera, one that wasn't hidden. 'And Light isn't going to give you that protection. See where he brought you.'

Then I noticed the white apparition in the air, hovering above her. I tried to make out a shape, a for, but it seemed like nothing. Like a ghost. 'Is there actually something there or am I just crazy?' I whispered, too scared to speak any louder. 'Hello? Ghost thingy? You're not the same one as the one around Light, right? That one seemed more like a shadow. You seem more like… a ghost.'

The thing shifted and for a second I thought it looked sharped, but then it only faded more. I sighed. 'I'm officially crazy.'

Then, suddenly, a low voice, so softly that it was almost impossible to hear. ' _Not… crazy… save…Misa…_ '

Since I'd already confirmed that I was completely crazy, I decided to talk back. 'Misa? You want to protect Misa? Is there a way that can be accomplished? I mean, I think I can keep L from giving her a death sentence when there is enough evidence that she is the second Kira, but…'

' _Don't trust… Light Yagami…_ '

I wasn't sure if the ghost was saying that _he_ didn't trust Light or that _I_ shouldn't trust Light. 'No, you shouldn't. I never have. But I don't know what I can do for her.' I frowned. 'That girl really seemed head over heels in love with Light.' In love with Kira. In love with a monster. No, not a monster. A human. A human whose gone crazy with the power to kill. I looked back down at Misa, who was still sleeping soundly even though I had been talking this whole time. 'She shouldn't die just because she loves the one who avenged her parents' death.' I looked up. 'I may not like her, but I'll do my best to protect her, whoever you are. Maybe, once I figure out a way to communicate better with you, you and I can figure out a plan to save her from this situation. But more importantly, from Light.'

If the ghost gave me an answer, I was unable to hear it. But it's presence kept me calm, probably since it was so white, not a shadow and not around Light. There _was_ something looking out for Misa. And maybe I could help it. And it could help me. So that the Task Force and everyone included could live. Yes, that would be great.

* * *

XxX

Misa woke up about three hours later, while I was already making dinner for us. She still looked a bit sleepy and confused when she saw me. 'Olivi…a?' she asked slowly.

I turned around. 'Hey,' I greeted. 'I'm making spaghetti, sorry that that has so many calories, I just—'

'Why are you here?' she asked, almost as if she was accusing me of something.

I thought about that for a while. Should I do as Ryuzaki told me? I kind of didn't want to. But I didn't want to betray him either. 'Let's just say that the reason I'm here is because of something stupid I did.' There. That wasn't a lie and I wasn't betraying Ryuzaki either.

'And why am I here?' she asked then.

'They didn't tell you?' I was trying to get _her_ to say it.

She slowly shook her head. 'They just blindfolded me and just locked me up and… I need to get home!' she said, suddenly the panic was kicking in.

She reached the door and tried to pull it open, but it didn't give. 'Yeah, we are locked up, you see. Be happy, I made sure we had at least a nice prison cell.'

She turned around slowly. 'Who did this?!' she asked me

I shrugged. I recognised this. I had acted like this the first time I'd woken up in a locked room. Only that room had been a lot less nice.

'Misa wants to go home!' she shouted. 'Misa needs to get back to Light! Light needs me!'

Okay, _now_ I felt the urge to stop her. Ignoring my pans I walked up to her and shook her. 'Calm down, okay? We are locked up, but it's going to be okay. I'm here.' _And you're weird ghost-thingy, too._ 'We'll get through this. You just need to be calm, okay? Light would also want you to be calm, right?'

She stared at me while processing that. 'Yes,' she said slowly. 'Calm. Yes.'

I was very happy when she finally calmed down, but she still refused to eat any of the spaghetti.

* * *

XxX

Sitting in a locked room with Misa wasn't as bad as I had initially feared. Well, it was bad, alright, but not _as_ bad. Probably because she was kind of depressed. She seemed to wonder when people would be questioning her, but no one came. She suspected me, of course, that much was for sure. I sometimes caught her humming in the shower, but that was the most happiness I got out of her. That and some conversations.

'How did you meet Light?' she asked me.

'I work with his father,' I explained, even though I was quite sure she already knew that. 'And you?'

She seemed to be pretty confident when lying to me. 'I saw hem walking by and fell in love at first sight.' Then again, maybe she wasn't lying.

I smiled as if I loved the idea of her falling in love with Kira. 'That's cute. For how long have you been dating?'

Now she seemed on guard. She didn't trust me, that much was clear. But that was okay. After all, I didn't really trust her, either. 'A while,' was her answer. Then she asked. 'When did you meet him?'

'When I was fourteen?' I sounded like a question. 'Or maybe fifteen, I don't remember.'

'Have you ever kissed him?' she suddenly asked me.

Well, that sure as hell came out of nowhere. 'Excuse me?'

She seemed to think that was answer enough. 'Of course he hasn't kissed you. But he kissed me,' she told me with a small, arrogant smile, declaring her property.

I suddenly understood why I'd never really liked Light. Light was a model student, but also a manipulator. And he didn't care what he had to do to manipulate his victims. 'I need to… take a shower,' I said, because I didn't come up with anything else. As soon as I entered the bathroom, I muttered: 'I'm going to murder him,' before actually taking a shower, because I was already lying to Misa enough as it was.

I had one other conversation that I would never forget. While half asleep, Misa muttered softly to me. 'Your name isn't Olivia,' she whispered. 'I can see it. Why are you lying to me?'

I smiled. 'I had to change my name a long time ago,' I told her, ignoring the whole "I can see it"-part. That was something I could worry about later. 'My old name means nothing to me.'

'It's pretty,' she whispered before completely falling asleep.

In the dark I could see the white ghost-figure a lot better. I looked at it and said: 'If she was always as quiet and profound as that, she would probably be one of my favourite persons.' And what shocked me the most was that that wasn't a lie.

* * *

XxX

Being locked up after all these years brought back memories. Memories and… nightmares.

The night I hadn't thought about for so long became a vivid memory once again. I was on the street, late at night. A lot of children loved having parents like mine. The ones that allowed everything and never said 'no'. To me, though, it just always seemed like they didn't care.

There was a store that was still open and I loved to be inside. I couldn't remember what kind of sort it was, only that it had white tiles on the floor. I knew because I was sitting on the floor when he found me.

He was long and old, but everyone older than twenty had seemed old to me at that age. He'd worn a grey suit and I remember friendly eyes, but that could just as well be something I remembered wrong. 'Well, hello there,' he said when he saw me, his arms behind his back. 'Where are your parents?'

I shook my head. 'Home!' I told him. I could speak longer sentences, I could. I just… rather not. I don't remember why I didn't.

'Oh, that's unfortunate,' he said. In my memory, his eyes were glowing. 'Or very fortunate, depending how you look at it. What's your name, darling?'

'Ally! Ally!' I said as I slapped my hands on the cold floor, which probably hurt. I was a pretty stupid ten-year-old.

He came closed, was almost touching me now. 'Hm. Not sure I like that name. Let's find a new one for you, okay, darling?'

* * *

XxX

I hadn't been keeping track of the days, since that was nearly impossible with no windows or clocks. So when we were sleeping and I got woken up by old hands who grabbed me and I looked up to see Watari with a dark mask on, I almost screamed. But then I realised what the situation was and he lead me out of the room before locking it again.

Ryuzaki was there, in the room we'd had our conversation the first time. There were more screams now and he was sitting on the couch in the back, staring at a chess board without any pieces on it. 'Good morning,' he said, which confused me. Was it morning? I needed a watch.

I sat down next to him, regretting the fact that I hadn't brushed my hair… or brushed my teeth.

'How was it?' he asked, nibbling on his chocolate bar without looking at me.

'Not as bad as I'd thought,' I admitted sighing. I wanted to rest my head on his shoulder, but for some reason, I didn't. I was scared he would be mad at me.

'I'll admit that you had a point when stating that this investigation method might be more rewarding,' he told me, which blew me away. He actually admitted that I had been right! Wow! Then he said: 'But I also know that – this way – she won't tell us that Light is the real Kira.'

I sighed. 'She loves him. She will probably never betray him. Can't we find another way to prove that Light is guilty? I feel so bad for her…'

'Never feel bad for the enemy, Olivia,' Ryuzaki said, surprisingly dryly. 'That can easily be your downfall.'

I sighed. Of course he would say that. 'I know, I know, I just… I can believe the way Light's been using her! And I bet he's planning to use her in the future, too! I bet he's already scheming something…'

'Yes,' Ryuzaki agreed. 'That's why one of my top agents has been trailing him the past few days.'

I frowned. 'Isn't that dangerous?'

Ryuzaki slowly shook his head. 'Kira won't suspect it, probably. And even if he did, I told this man to never give out his name and even if he dies, that just proves our point.' He smiled a small smile, but it didn't look like his normal smile, it looked really sad. 'He cannot risk it.'

I only noticed that I had been staring at his face when he looked back at me. 'I missed you,' I told him in all honesty, which made him look away again. Then I decided to get back on topic. 'I always thought Light was odd, but using a girl's feelings like that?! Did you see the video? He even kissed her!' This was the only topic I could come up with, but it was a horrible one.

That was why I was surprised that Ryuzaki actually reacted. 'Things like that are meaningless to him. Means to an end. Something like a kiss becomes nothing for a man like him.' He sounded strangely profound and I wondered if he thought about this.

I had. Of course I had. I was an adult who'd never kissed anyone. I had been kissed. Forcefully and not on my mouth. I had always been more of a daughter than a woman for _him_. Well, I had been around ten years old when he found me, so it wasn't _that_ odd. There had been guys in high school and college. Weird guys who didn't care how old I was. I'd just hated the idea of any of them coming remotely close to me. Because when I looked at them, all I could see was _him._ _His_ eyes, _his_ mouth, _his_ hands. For some reason, I never had that with Ryuzaki. Or maybe I had, but I'd just forgotten it.

'Maybe I want to try,' I said softly, staring at Ryuzaki, whose face was still turned away from me.

Ryuzaki slowly put down his chocolate bar and looked at me, confused. 'Sorry? What do you want to try?'

I couldn't answer with words, because I was already putting it into actions. _Nothing,_ I answered, but not out loud. _A kiss became nothing._ Maybe a kiss _was_ nothing. I would never know if I didn't try. And for some reason, now seemed the right moment. I leaned closer just a bit, our faces had already been pretty close, and kissed him.

And for a while, 'nothing' became 'everything'.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Wow, now I'm really starting to get away from the manga/other source material. That feels so weird! Hope you guys still liked it, though! I feel like Misa was a bit OOC here, but I don't know, I want to give her a bit more dignity than she has in the manga, I mean, she's the only female lead character, but she is so stupid sometimes!**

 **Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter, next update will probably be next Saturday, maybe Friday or Sunday. Now I'm going to eat some chocolate, because writing about Ryuzaki eating chocolate makes me want chocolate. Bye bye!**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **bored411: thank you, dear! Hope you liked that little snippet of her past!**

* * *

 **XxX**


	19. Kisses & Escape Plans

**Here I am, again! It has been a while since I updated on Saturday! Aaah, feels so good! Enjoy the chapter, everyone!**

 **And I cheated. I actually only use ' &' I the title when Light's in it, but I… just liked this title. So I cheated, a little. You guys will forgive me, right?**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **19\. Kisses & Escape Plans**

I always thought that I had surprised Ryuzaki before. Or even shocked him. But I never, ever, surprised him as much as I had now. He was completely frozen, not shaking, not responding, as if he was made of stone. I didn't even dare to move an inch, afraid of what might happen if I did.

Before I pulled away, I thought about what _could_ happen right now. A, he would ask what I was doing. B, he would walk away without saying anything. C, he could do as if it never happened. D, he could ask what I was doing, then walk away without saying anything and pretending it never happened. I couldn't really come up with happier scenarios at that moment.

But what he actually did was way different.

I pulled away, but not completely, keeping his face kind of close. He stared at me with his big eyes, not flustered, not confused. He just… looked. Then he blinked. Once. Twice. And then he made a soft noise, one that almost sounded like a cat. Oh gosh, was he in shock? 'Ryu—'

Before I could even get past his name, he leaned forward, but he didn't kiss me, he just leaned into me. Almost as if he was trying to smell me, but that wasn't it. Ryuzaki was hesitating.

Ryuzaki never hesitated.

I stayed still, not sure what was going to happen and not completely understanding what was going on right now. I would curse Watari if he came in now.

He didn't come in. And Ryuzaki stopped hesitating.

I actually wasn't sure how experienced Ryuzaki was. Well, I did, kind of. His social skills weren't exactly perfect and he was married to his work, so it would be odd if he had been in a successful relationship, no matter how mean that might sound. But maybe he'd read books or something, because as soon as he kissed me, there was no hesitation.

It was kind of cute how he kissed me while keeping his hands on his knees. I was less shy like that. I put my arms forward and tangled them in his dark hair and now _I_ was the one who made a cat noise.

It wasn't odd that a guy who loved sweets tasted sweet, but I _was_ surprised. Oh, gosh, what did I taste like? Would he pull away with a disgusted face?

There wasn't that much room to think about things like that. He kissed me like he actually _knew_ what he was doing, while I had no idea. It was something magical, being kissed. Or maybe it was because _he_ was kissing me. I should be more honest with myself. It was probably more than a crush. This wouldn't have been as heavenly if it was, right?

When he pulled away, I wasn't ready yet. 'Olivia, um, listen, I—'

I didn't give him time to speak this time. Just as he'd cut my words off, I did the same and whatever he was going to say next, he probably had forgotten.

Somehow I was sitting on my knees on the couch now, probably so that his legs and his height weren't as much of an issue, but it was odd, having Ryuzaki here, in my hands, lower than me. I was always the one sitting on the floor before him.

I wondered if Ryuzaki would grab my face, but his hands didn't move. I wondered if he wanted this and for how long he'd wanted this. I wondered for how long _I'd_ wanted this. _Probably since the day we met,_ my brain murmured, but I was too busy with… something else.

When the door opened, I was the one who shot away, to the other side of the couch. I was wiping my mouth, hoping that Watari – who I swear to God I wanted to kill in that moment – wouldn't notice anything as he approached. 'Miss Misa Amane passed out after having a brief conversation with herself.'

Well, that sure as hell distracted me.

'With herself?' Ryuzaki mused slowly and I saw that he'd forgotten everything in an instant. I wondered if he would kiss me again after this. I wondered if he thought about kissing me again. Okay. So maybe this situation didn't distract me whatsoever.

 _With the ghost,_ I then realised, which kind of distracted me. I wasn't going to tell them that, though.

'And agent 41 has reported a… situation which requires your attention,' Watari said and I would be really dumb if I didn't notice that he was obviously trying to keep information from me.

Ryuzaki nodded. 'Very well, I'll listen after Olivia has gotten a room for herself.' He turned to look at me, still no hint of embarrassment. 'Since both me and Watari are here now, I won't require you to stay besides Misa anymore, though once again I must say you were more useful than my tactics were.'

I smiled, liked it when Ryuzaki told me I was right.

'I suppose you would prefer a room without cameras and microphones?' he asked me.

I nodded. 'Greatly prefer,' I answered.

* * *

XxX

"A room".

Jesus, Ryuzaki should look but what the word "room" means, because it was clear that he didn't know what it was. It wasn't one room, it was about as big, maybe even bigger, than the small apartment I had been living in with Misa. The bathroom was larger and I had a smaller living room, but all the other parts were the same. Well, I had a large bed instead of the small ones in the bedroom in Misa's apartment.

I let myself fall on the bed as soon as he'd shown me around, as well told me the code to the room and with floor to find him of Watari. From the bed I looked at Ryuzaki, who stood there in the middle of the bedroom. He looked like he was about to leave. He looked like he didn't want to leave. 'Sleep well,' he said before turning around.

Then he stopped, turned around again. 'Actually,' he said slowly, 'there's a camera in the living room. But I assure you that that's it.' _Now_ he looked embarrassed. Good. I was feeling kind of stupid, as I was the only one.

He left the room. I smiled. I knew he hadn't been planning on telling me that there was a camera. But he decided to tell me, changed his mind. Meaning at, at least, he doesn't suspect me _that_ much. He cares more for me than that he suspects me. Well, that was a good thing to know.

Then something fell on the floor, which made me shot up. What was that?

I looked around, but there wasn't anything that could have fa… There, on the ground. A black notebook. Where that that come from? Did Ryuzaki glue it to the ceiling? That would be odd, even for his standards.

I slowly walked closer to the notebook, confused, on guard. Even slower, I picked it up.

At first, nothing changed. I saw the wall, felt nothing new. Then, I heard something. Breathing behind me.

I turned around, surprised to find a gigantic white appearance standing there. It didn't look even remotely human. It looked… spooky. But it wasn't a ghost. As soon as I realised _what_ it was, I calmed down. 'Ah, it's you, isn't it? The ghost from last time.'

'You are surprisingly calm,' he slowly stated, his voice completely clear now.

I shrugged, looked at the notebook. 'Is this what made me able to see you?' I asked slowly, deducing as much as I could with the little information I had.

'It is,' he simply said. 'My name is Rem. And the human whose name is written in this note shall die.'

* * *

XxX

'Hold on a second. So… you want _me_ to save Misa? And you'll help me?' I asked, completely confused. Even with all the context this strange creature, who was according to himself a Shinigami, gave me, this was odd. Why would he go against Light's plan an trust me. 'I'm not nearly as smart as Light is.'

'But you can convince L,' he said, as if he knew that for certain.

'Well, yes. But why choose me over Light?' I asked, still not completely understanding – and trusting – this creature.

'Because I find you much a better human than he is. And I don't trust him,' he explained.

 _But you trust me?_ I shook my head. 'So why not come to me sooner? I mean, I understand I had to touch a death note, but if you wanted her to be save, you could've…'

'I didn't trust you back then,' he simply said. 'And I try to keep Misa happy.'

I tried to keep in a laugh. 'By locking her boyfriend up? I'm sorry, your logic is terrible.' Then I frowned. 'But you're probably right.' My brain went into 'thinking-'mode. 'Light will also manipulate her, so that's not a real relationship. So if you want Misa to truly be happy, you should take Light away. But that doesn't solve the whole 'being the second Kira' issue…' Then I turned around. 'Light isn't planning on killing L anytime soon, right?'

When I didn't receive an answer right away, I panicked. 'Right?!' I shouted, a bit too loud.

Rem titled his head slightly to the side. 'I'll never understand humans.' Then he answered: 'Just as I explained, I am supposed to give this death note to the right person after a few… let's just say days. I don't know much of the details, since Light Yagami didn't tell me, but he assured me that Misa would be save. And that she would have him.'

Of course. I rolled my eyes. 'Men. Always think the girls will be _soooo_ happy when they have their guy.' I rolled my eyes once more, walking around the room annoyed. 'Gosh, I wish I could just slap him.'

Then I turned to Rem. 'So, you're asking me to come up with a plan that leaves Misa in the most favourable position. You're asking me not to kill Misa, I'm asking you not to kill L. I'll make sure to come up with a plan.' I frowned again. 'I could try to explain this to Ryuzaki, but he would immediately use the evidence he has and throw her in prison, if not worse.' I shivered.

'Misa Amane doesn't remember ever using or having a death note,' Rem reminded me, since he'd told me already he took away her possession just a couple of hours ago.

'Yes, I know. But it's still going to be difficult. I don't think I can do it right now,' I admitted. Still, I needed a way to stop it… 'I can pretend that I can see you without touching the death note, that I have some form of sixth sense. And that you're telling me that Misa Amane was used by the second Kira, but that the control has now worn off.' I was frowning again. 'But then we need a real second Kira to prove that.'

'I can put a fake rule in de death note, but I cannot give someone fake memories,' Rem told me. 'Also,' he said, way too late, 'it might be favourable for you to know that someone was following Light. He saw him talking to us and burying the notebook.'

Ryuzaki's spy. The one Watari wouldn't talk about. 'So they're going to dig it up.'

'And they'll be able to see Ryuk.'

This made everything way more complicated. 'But they won't be able to see you?' I then asked, an idea vaguely in my mind.

Rem shook his head.

'Wonderful!' I clapped my hands together. 'Maybe we won't need to fake a second Kira, but we'll need to fake an evil Shinigami.' I smiled at him. 'Are you up to the task?'

He looked at me as if he was doubted every word I said now. 'What do you mean?'

'Well, you need to speak to your… friend before this can work, but judging how you described him, I can't imagine him giving too much trouble. Yes, this is something we can do…' I looked at him again. 'Right now, who is the owner of this notebook?'

'You are,' he explained. 'You picked it up.'

I shook my head. 'Does that… have an effect on me? Like… I'll turn evil too?'

He shook his head. 'But you'll lose all of your memories of the death note once it isn't in your possession anymore.'

Jesus. How drastic. I handed the notebook back to him. 'You'll need this. I need a new rule in the death note. And you'll play Jealous for a while. Kind of. Sort of. Not really.' As I started to explain my plan, Rem started to look less and less frightening.

This was what hope felt like.

* * *

XxX

Having a plan was one thing. Putting it in action another. It didn't have to be today, there was a tomorrow. Hell, our plan _couldn't_ even start today. So… I wanted to be honest with Ryuzaki one more day, before betraying him to save him. I believed he could win from Light, but I also believed Light could win. And I liked to keep my chances in check.

I walked into the hallways wearing my pyjamas, not really caring about what I looked like. Okay, that was a lie, I wore the most elegant pyjamas and checked my hair about fifty times before leaving the room. Barefoot I walked through the corridor, to the elevator. When I arrived at the main investigation room, Ryuzaki was sitting behind the wall full of screens that showed Misa, the one camera in my living room, all sorts of dark parts in the house. But the wasn't looking at them. He was looking at his laptop.

'What are you doing?' I asked, a safe distance away from him. Normally, I would've made him jump, but for some reason, I didn't want to, not today.

He closed his laptop. What an odd thing to do, even for him. 'Nothing of interest.'

 _Liar._ I didn't say it out loud. I didn't grab a chair either. I walked over and stood next to him, sighing softly.

'You're not sleeping?' he asked, not looking at me, but at the screen, while scooping some ice-cream out of a bowl.

'I can't sleep,' I lied. I didn't want to lie to him tonight. This was the last lie. 'Do you wonder who's to blame?'

There was a silence. Then: 'It hasn't been scientifically proven, but it seems warm milk and honey can help you sleep.'

I put my hands on the panel in front of me, making sure not to touch any buttons, and looked over at his face. It looked so… normal. Like he'd forgotten all about it. I almost felt hurt. 'What if I don't want to sleep?'

His spoon fell into the bowl. Good. A reaction. He looked up at me, with the face of a child. Really, he seemed so old in so many aspects. Sometimes he didn't even seem human. But then he could be vulnerable, a child. I loved all these different personas. I wasn't sure what that meant, yet. 'T-then what do you want to do? Do you wish to assist me?'

I put one hand on the back of his chair, the other one on the panel, but much closer this time. I leaned into his face. 'I don't know, can I help?'

Did he notice that he was staring at my mouth now? I felt how I started to blush. Jesus, why was _he_ embarrassing me with cute actions like that? I'm the girl, didn't I need to be the cute one? Then again, we both didn't really fit the stereotypes, even though I _am_ saved an awful lot.

Then he cleared his throat and for a second, I thought I saw him slipping a mask on. I had never seen a real mask. Light always had a mask, I had always noticed. Ryuzaki didn't. And if he did, then I hadn't noticed. And I _always_ noticed. 'About the… incident, I wanted to tell you that I—'

I put a hand over his mouth before he could say it. 'Whatever you were going to say next, I'm pretty sure I don't want to hear it,' I explained.

He was staring at me again, this time with a hand over his mouth. I removed it slowly. 'Why do you look at me like you're Bambi and I just shot your mother?'

'Sorry?' he asked.

'Bambi,' I repeated, leaning back a little.

He still looked confused.

'Oh. My God! You don't know about Bambi?! Gosh, I'd already guessed that you had a tough childhood, but this—' I stopped. How could _I_ be so stupid?! Me, of all people! I should've known better, I was the queen of messed up childhoods. Hey, yes, a gangster kept me in the basement of his headquarters for god knows how many years because he thought he loved me. Oh, and he threatened to kill me parents, too, so much then when I was released, my parents didn't want me back! 'I'm sorry,' I said, not willing to look at his face. I needed to leave. I didn't want to leave. I pointed at the couch. 'I'll be sitting there, where I can't bother you,' I told him before turning around.

I sat down on the couch, the space where Ryuzaki sat the previous time. The couch was cold, but back then, it hadn't been cold at all. Had that only been a few hours ago? It felt like days, no, more like weeks…

'Are you cold?'

I looked at Ryuzaki, saw him staring at me from his chair at the other side of the room. 'We have blankets in the cupboard.'

I made some movements with my hands that were meant to be understandable, but I supposed I failed. 'No, no need, I'm fine,' I told him.

He didn't ask again. And I was regretted not asking him which cupboard he was talking about. It took about ten minutes before I got bored and closed my eyes. I wouldn't be able to sleep because of the cold, but it did feel nice to close my eyes. The machines in the room made a soft noise that was almost calming, like a lullaby.

Then, about another five minutes later, I heard soft noises. Then, I heard him breathing close to me. Then I was suddenly wrapped in a blanket. Ryuzaki, L, who had never thought about things like beds and pillow, had given me a blanket. He'd actually stopped working to give me a blanket.

Ah, damn it.

I opened my eyes. 'You are allowed to kiss me again, you know that?' Stupid, stupid. I could've asked that may more charming.

He blinked a few times before answering. 'That's not a great idea. I understand that we've been under a lot of stress lately and it may seem like a good idea now, but tomorrow, or the day after that…'

'You're still allowed to kiss me tomorrow, or the day after that,' I said. I was pretty sure I was half asleep now, because there was no way I was saying this with full consciousness.

Ryuzaki almost seemed frustrated now. 'You are tired and confused—'

'You're still allowed to kiss me when I'm not tired or confused,' I said, reaching with my hand, grabbing his sleeve. 'Please?'

I was pretty sure I was begging L to kiss me now. Huh. Who would have thought.

'Olivia,' he said and he had never said it as pained as he did in that moment. As if he didn't want to kiss me, but he wanted to. If that makes any sense.

I pulled his sleeve a bit more, until he was close enough to smell him. Then I kissed him.

I was actually quite surprised when he started to kiss me back, I mean, he _had_ seemed really unwilling. This time he _did_ touch me, but only to hold the hand that had been holding his sleeve. As soon as he'd removed that hand, he let go completely, but his face was still close. 'You need to go to bed.' He straightened himself then, not much, but a bit. 'I'll bring you to your room.'

If it hadn't been Ryuzaki who'd said that, I would be having inappropriate thoughts right now.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **And… I decided to stop it here. Because I'm not sure which scene should be next. Light will be in the next chapter. Not so sure how I feel about that. But. Yeah. Well.**

 **Hope you guys enjoyed this! I have to drop my brother off at the airport tonight, so I won't respond to reviews today. See you guys next week!**

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 **XxX**


	20. Questions & Sleep

**Oh boy, oh boy. I'm way too late! Well, sorry about that, but I'm updating now. I've been busy because Easter and finals and stuff, it was crazy! I completely forgot to mention that I would be busy! Well, I'm back now! Way too late, I know. But here's a long chapter for you guys!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **20\. Questions & Sleep**

In the elevator Ryuzaki opened his mouth several times, but he always ended up closing it again. He was doing it for the sixth time when a small _ding_ told us that we'd reached the floor.

I was almost completely sure that this was as far as Ryuzaki was going, so I didn't bother to wait for him as I walked through the corridor. I walked up to my room, but when I turned to open the door, I saw that Ryuzaki was there, in front of the elevator, his mouth open as if he wanted to say something.

I watched him, tilted my head to the side in curiosity. 'Do you have something you want to say?' I asked. I was pretty sure that whatever he was going to say; I didn't want to hear it, so I decided to ask another question directly after the last one. 'Do you want to come in?'

It was a stupid question and had it been any guy other than Ryuzaki, I wouldn't have asked. But it _was_ Ryuzaki and he was smart when it came to cases, but quite dense when it came to anything having to do with socialising. So I wasn't too worried.

At first he was just staring at me, but then he shook his head. 'I have to work.'

I rolled my eyes. 'You _always_ work. Seriously, do you ever sleep?'

He shrugged, it wasn't really an answer, but it was kind of cute. In a way that he hadn't really shown.

I sighed, opened the door. 'Just come in, Ryuzaki, I won't kill you.' I regretted it the moment I'd said it. Now I put _that_ into his mind.

But he just shook his head again. 'Can't.'

Now he was just acting cute to get away with this. 'Why? Is there something important going on with Kira right now that desperately needs your attention? Are you going to explode once you enter the room? Will your laptop melt if you're not on it every second of the day? Will anyone even care what you are doing right now, except you?'

He opened his mouth and I was pretty sure he wanted to say 'Watari', but then he just shook his head again.

I couldn't help but smile. This guy that about fifty different sides to him, didn't he? I stepped forward and grabbed his hand. 'If you need an excuse, I can't sleep alone, I'm afraid I'll have nightmares. So just… stay for a while.' I wasn't completely sure that that was the reason I wanted him to stay, but it was a legit one and it really did seem like Ryuzaki needed some sort of excuse to stay.

And I was right. As I pushed the door open and made a movement with my hand which wasn't more than a petty 'come here'-movement, he nodded slowly and walked towards me, almost as if he _needed_ to instead of wanted to. I felt like maybe that was the case.

The problem with telling him that I wanted him there to help me fall asleep was, well, I was supposed to _sleep_ instead of talking to him. And I didn't like that idea. I left Ryuzaki alone as I took a shower and brushed my teeth, even though I knew there was a chance he would change his mind while I was in the bathroom and just leave without telling me. But when I entered the room, he was still there, sitting awkwardly on the bed like a stupid person.

I had a towel in my hand – which I was drying my hair with – and I felt tempted to throw it at him, but I didn't. Instead, I asked: 'What are you doing?' It was a stupid question, granted. But it seemed like that was all I could do when I was near him.

He didn't answer, of course, and I took the liberty of hanging the towel over de door, which I left open, with the light in the other room still on.

Then I remembered that usually, Ryuzaki was eating something. 'Do you perhaps, want something to eat? I think I have some—'

'I can eat later,' he said, but he didn't sound like him at all. Odd. He always sounded distant, but now he sounded… _distant_ distant. Like he was two worlds away from me instead of one.

I sat down on the bed besides him, sighing. 'What's going to happen now?'

'We'll officially start interrogating Misa tomorrow,' he told me. 'Since she hasn't killed you - ' I heard there was a 'yet' that was supposed to be there, but he didn't say it, 'I think it's fair to say that Misa Amane won't do anything rushed without Kira's instructions, which gives us the advantage.'

'Don't you always have the advantage with that brain of yours?' I gave him a small poke, but even though it was meant to be a joke, the both of us clearly took my words to seriously.

He even went as far as ignoring it, which either was something he always did or something he rarely did based on the situation. The problem right now was that I had no idea what kind of situation we were in. 'I also predict that Light Yagami will contact the Task Force within the next…' his eyes narrowed a bit before finishing his sentence, I loved how he always just talked when he was with the Task Force, but thought while talking when he was talking to me. '…week,' he finished.

I slowly titled by head to the side. 'Why do you think that?' I asked, confused. No matter how smart I was trying to look, I would never be as smart as he was.

'If Kira was going to kill the Second Kira because he was scared she would betray him, he already would've killed her. Which means that he either cannot or he doesn't want to, probably because she is the only chance of him finding out my name.' I saw the fire in his eyes as he finally said these thoughts out loud. After all, Ryuzaki loved the sound of his own voice more than he cared to admit. 'Which means that he'll need a plan to protect his identity and save Misa, which won't take too long.'

I wanted to sigh, but didn't. If it wouldn't take so long, my plan wouldn't be far off, too.

'As soon as he comes, I'll talk with the whole investigation team about the new… developments.'

'Developments?' I repeated, not sure what he was talking about.

He turned to look at me, gazing down so that he could look at my face. Because he was almost always crouching and sitting, I forgot how tall he actually was. 'Didn't you say I needed to stay here so you could sleep?'

Subject change. Okay, then. Without answering I fell back and sighed, before rolling to the other side of the bed and sneaking under the covers there. I pulled the blanket up so that my mouth and nose were covered, but I could still see him. He was still sitting in the exact same position as before, but now this meant I couldn't see his face anymore.

Carefully I reached out of him, grabbed his arm and pulled, which resulted to him falling backwards on the bed as well and he turned a bit so he could see me. For some reason in that moment, he looked cute, so I giggled.

'I'm starting to wish that I could follow Light around,' I heard Rem say, but it was pretty easy to ignore him.

Probably because Ryuzaki was staring at me. 'Don't do that,' he said, strangely hollow. 'Or I'd be forced to kick you. I know material arts.'

'I know,' I said simply as I moved a bit closer to him. 'I did research on you, remember?' He didn't react, just stared at me. It took about three seconds for that to become awkward, so I turned and lay on my back. 'Krav maga?' I then asked, since that had been me guess.

'Krav maga,' he answered, 'amongst others,' he then added.

The extra bit of information made me smile and I turned to look at him again. 'Can't you tell me more? You know what I've written about you, can't you tell me where I was right or wrong?' He was still staring, but his expression seemed to change, almost as if his facial expressions shut down. Ah. Right. I was a Kira-suspect. This request made me even more suspicious.

I rolled back on my back. 'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked.' I suddenly felt an urge to run away.

There was a long silence and it was during this silence that I noticed Rem had left the room, which meant that he was probably in the living room, giving me some privacy. Or maybe he just loathed witnessing our conversation.

'When I was little, I used to have a lot of toys,' I told him. If he wasn't talking about himself, I would talk about _me._ There was probably a lot more to tell with him, but he was being the greatest detective in the world, and I was being a stupid teenage girl. 'I collected them, they were like treasures. I enjoyed the toy stores more than anything else.' I didn't talk about how everything changed in a store that one day, but skipped a lot of time. 'I like reading, making homework. People mocked me because of it, but it was great distraction and it helped me reach the place where I am today. I hate noisy people, but I can be loud sometimes.' I smiled faintly. 'My favorite colour was black for a long time, but now it's a tie between blue, white and purple. Secretly, it's silver but everyone always says that that doesn't count.'

Ryuzaki wasn't saying anything, and I didn't want this awkward silence to last, so I just kept on talking.

'I secretly hate bread and potatoes, bus since they're such common food, I endure it, though I am happy that eating rice here is just as normal. And I actually really love those little vanilla cakes with strawberries on top, I think that's probably one of my favourite things in the world.'

He still wasn't speaking. What was I supposed to do? Should I just say 'good night' and go to sleep? That wouldn't do, would it?

'I actually have a hard time listening to classical music, it freaks me out.' I didn't need to tell him why, he knew why. 'And I'm actually kind of scared of the dark and basements. Dark basements are like kryptonite to me.'

He didn't answer. I supposed he didn't even understand that. 'I like fruit, but I don't particularly like apples, they leave a weird taste in my mouth. Oh, and I can be a pretty stupid person sometimes.' There, that was something I hated to admit. But even though I felt like I just told him half of everything that was in my soul, he wasn't responding. I wanted to tell him to piss off, I wanted to go to sleep. I wanted him to talk back to me, to ask me questions, to tell me something about him. I wanted to hold his hand. And I wanted to kick him out of the bed.

Then, suddenly, Ryuzaki started speaking: 'I like strawberries more than regular sweets, but the more sugar it contains, the more it helps me think. I started to eat sweets not because I particularly enjoyed eating them, but because everyone else seemed to enjoy it, it seemed like the ordinary thing to do.'

I slowly turned my head to look at him, but he wasn't looking at me.

'I don't fancy going out, but I enjoy tennis and some other sports. I fancy competitions, games, battles, though I do not like putting myself in any position in which people can see and judge me openly.'

I didn't understand what he was doing, but god, I didn't want him to stop.

'I like the colour blue and I prefer things to make regular, common sense. I feel at ease when things are structured and I particularly good at ignoring my emotions, impulses and other signals which I cannot control, because of that, not sleeping is hardly any problem.' He swallowed, but again didn't stop. 'I fancy the dark more than the light, even though I do prefer the way we're able to see more during the day.'

I wanted to stop him now, for some reason. I wanted to grab his hand, but he wasn't finished yet. 'I have never trusted anyone in my life but me and Watari.' He slowly turned his head now and looked at me with his big dark eyes and for some reason, seemed deeper than usual. 'And I don't trust you either.'

There was a silence in which we just stared, a lot less awkward than the one before. He was breathing slightly heavier than usual, but I wasn't sure why that was. 'Why tell me all this, then?' I asked carefully.

'I trust you more with this information than with other kinds of information,' he told me. Then he sighed. Ryuzaki didn't sigh that often. 'You need to go to sleep.'

There it was, his wall. It was back up and whatever it was that had come out just then, it was gone. I moved a tiny bit closer to him and pulled myself up, only to give him a kiss on his cheek. 'Thank you,' I murmured. 'Good night.' Before I went back to my side of the bed, I grabbed his hand, only because I knew he would sneak away if I didn't. He didn't respond, but he didn't pull away either.

I fell asleep with the weird feeling that everything that had happened today had been nothing but a dream.

* * *

XxX

I awoke with an empty hand, which didn't surprised me.

The only light coming from the open door, where the towel was also hanging. It took me a while to notice Rem hovering over me, which was pretty dumb, but I decided it was because it was morning. 'Good morning,' I said before yawning.

'Our plan will probably start today,' Rem told me.

I froze in the middle of a second yawn. 'Excuse me? Today?' So little time. I wasn't ready yet. I didn't want to let go yet.

Rem nodded. 'And I would watch your mouth if I were you, we have company.'

That made me jump and I saw he was right. Hell, how could I _not_ have noticed? Ryuzaki was lying next to me, but somehow, he'd ended up under the covers. Not gone, like I'd guessed, but asleep next to me. And he had but his arms and legs around me and was holding onto me like a sloth. Yes, he looked very much like a sloth in this position.

And he was _sleeping_ , which was great. He needed that. Not only would I betray him today, he would also lose one suspect today. If I succeeded. If everything went according to plan. _Prove Light guilty and free Misa._ I looked at Rem with frowned brows. 'What will happen if we fail?' I wondered, asking him, but making it sound like I was asking myself in case Ryuzaki woke up.

'If you'll fail, then L will die. And you'll die with him.'

Well, that last part was the least of my concern. I nodded. 'I understand,' I said slowly, sad but accepting. Then I looked at Ryuzaki – L – and how his face was pressed against my shoulder. 'Really like a sloth,' I muttered. I reached with my finger and poked him in the cheek. He didn't react. Wow, he must have been really tired. I poked him again. No reaction, only a soft _mmm_ that came from his throat. It was cute. It was dangerous.

I leaned a bit closer to his face and shouted in his ear: 'Ryuzaki!'

Instead of pushing me away because I had shocked him, he clenched his arms and legs around me even more and for some reason and his eyes shot open. 'What an odd reaction,' I said with difficulty, since he was basically suffocating me right now.

I took about half a second for Ryuzaki to realise what was going on, and another half a second to move away as far away from me as he possibly could on this bed. 'What time is it?' he asked, immediately awake. Well, no shocker, I shouted in his ear.

I looked over at the clock. '6:26,' I answered.

Ryuzaki let out a deep breath, but I wasn't sure if it was because of relief or not. He climbed out of the bed. 'I'll see you later,' he muttered before leaving the room as if there was a fire or something.

'Okay, see you,' I said slightly confused, but I was way too late, Ryuzaki had already fled the room. But if felt like he fled the country.

* * *

XxX

The Task Force arrived at 8 that morning and seemed in higher spirits than Ryuzaki. Probably because we had a suspect, but that didn't explain why Ryuzaki seemed kind of down. Was it because he wasn't used to sleeping and it made him sad? That would be a very strange theory, indeed.

'Olivia!' Matsuda said as he saw me. 'Do you realise how cool this building is!' he said after they had all gotten a little tour from Watari.

I laughed. I swear every police force needed a Matsuda to light everyone's spirits up. 'Yes, it's pretty impressive.'

'Now that you are more familiar with the place, I request you to sit down,' Ryuzaki rolled his chair towards the table in the room. As everyone sat down slowly, I decided to stand at the end of the table, my arms crossed. I was too nervous to sit down, but it probably didn't seem that way. It hopefully didn't seem that way.

'We have Misa Amane here in confinement,' Ryuzaki explained, giving everyone copies of the updates on her interrogation. 'But we'll start interrogating her more thoroughly today. I agreed with miss Olivia to have better arrangements for her, but she does remain a risk, so I suggest that miss Olivia will continue to take care of her, while we do the questioning. Agitating miss Amane with difficult question in person might be too dangerous for any of us, so we should do that from this room, using the microphones.'

Rem entered the room and for a while, I didn't hear anything the Task Force was saying. 'Light Yagami is outside the building right now,' he told me. 'I'll go into hiding.'

I closed my eyes for a while. _There's no turning back now._

Ryuzaki's phones rang. 'Ah, it's Watari,' he said. He picked uo the phone and although I couldn't hear what Watari was saying, I knew it was something along the lines of 'Light Yagami has arrived'. 'Very well. Yes, that's right… Okay. I understand, bring him over.' Then he hung up and pushed the button he'd put on the table a few hours ago, which shut off all the screens in the room.

'What are you doing?' Yagami asked, completely surprised.

'Another thing I wanted to tell you,' Ryuzaki explained slowly, 'Light Yagami has contacted me this morning and he'll soon be here.'

I clenched my hands into fists, wanted to relax them, but not being able to.

'What do you—' Yagami began, but the door opened and revealed Watari and Light, Watari walking up front. In order for my plan to work better, I made sure to stare at the black nothing that was floating behind Light, knowing now that it was so much more than just a black nothing.

For everyone, even for me, what he was going to say was a mystery. My plan could be ruined by whatever he was going to say next. 'Ryuzaki, it's as I told you on the phone,' he slowly said, calm and perfect as always. Only… not completely. He looked… worn out, tired. For his doing, at least. He still looked perfect, just a bit less perfect than usual.

Then the dropped the bomb. 'I may be Kira.'

* * *

XxX

I almost laughed. _Seriously? That was his big plan? Hell, if he adds now that he forced Misa, I don't even have to do anything._

But I knew it wasn't going to be that simple.

'That's… ridiculous!' Yagami shouted, standing up and heading towards his son, grabbing his shoulders desperately. 'Do you know what you're saying, Light?! Are you insane? Don't say such ridiculous things! Come on, Light! Talk to me!'

I was actually a bit impressed that Light managed to ignore the man who was literally screaming in his face. He even grabbed his father's arms and removed them, walking closer to the table, and to me. I actually felt my skin getting cold as he came closer and closer, until he was standing right next to me. But he was looking at Ryuzaki. And I was looking at the black nothing behind him. 'Dad, if Ryuzaki is L, he is the best detective in the world. If L thinks that I am Kira, then I probably am.'

I rolled my eyes, but since I was looking away from everyone in the Task Force, no one probably saw it. _Of course you are_.

'Wa… What, Light?!' his father shouted, still upset. Jesus, that man was always calm and composed unless it was about his family. It should be easy to understand, but I just… didn't. I didn't understand.

'He's right,' L said simply. 'Right now, I'm about 99% certain that Light is Kira. I should be ready to interrogate soon…' He said it like it was a nice thing to dream about. 'Light is quite conservative. He found out what I think quite quickly.'

Light kept explaining to his father and the rest of the Task Force, though, which included me. But I really wasn't paying attention. 'The person who was investigated by the FBI agent Raye Penber before he died, the person who went to Aoyama on May 22nd, and the person who the suspect Misa Amane dates… they're all me! If I were L, I would also suspect me! I… I think I may have become Kira subconsciously.'

 _Aah, there it was. The bullcrap. I was wondering when it would show up._ I looked over at L and even he seemed to have a slightly cynical expression, even though he hid it quite well.

'The prisoners who wrote down stuff about Shinigami, the second Kira also mentioned them… I don't believe that they exist, but the term was shown in front of me twice. Plus, the world's greatest detective thinks I'm Kira.' He looked down at his hands, almost as if he was thinking about the people he murdered. But he wasn't. This was an act and everyone with a brain should be able to noticed that. 'I am less and less conscious about who I am… it's getting more and more terrifying… My mind is also experiencing strange things…' A faint smile appeared on his face and at that moment, it was the only thing that looked genuine. 'Maybe when I go unconscious, like when I am asleep, I become a Shinigami and kill those people…'

'That's not it,' Ryuzaki interrupted, which made me happy, because his lies were annoying. 'The truth is, we installed cameras in Light's home and watched you for five days.'

I have to give it to him, Light genuinely looked surprised. 'Cameras…? That's illegal!'

'Yes,' Ryuzaki simply said, 'but it did show us that you were sleeping peacefully.'

'So… then… In those 5 days, I didn't behave like a Shinigami?' Light asked and his act seemed a bit less genuine now.

'No, unfortunately, you didn't,' Ryuzaki said with a soft sigh. Then, he slowly turned his chair and looked straight at the enemy. 'Are you done now? I had some business I wanted to discuss, too.'

I felt it. How me and Light both froze. Like we were on the same page, on the same boat. But we weren't and that was the problem. Even though we were both on different sides, L had become an unpredictable threat to the both of us.

Light seemed to be completely thrown off guard, but I wasn't sure if it was an act or not. 'What? I-I… What?'

Ryuzaki pointed at the only empty chair left at the table, the one left because _I_ was still standing. 'Sit down, I want to hear your opinion when we discuss this, too.' Then he turned around to look at his elder assistant. 'Watari, the coffin,' he ordered.

'Of course, sir,' Watari said, bowing before walking out of the room, causing a silence which was unbearable. When he was back, he was carrying a black coffin and he put it on the table in front of L, who entered several codes, a normal lock and a fingerprint password before the coffin opened and he showed us something that was still locked in another case, but this time, it was transparent and we would all see what was in it.

A black, strangely familiar notebook.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Geez, I'm tired! I still have a lot of tests coming up and I don't feel ready at all. I'm actually feeling scared. Sorry if this chapter was boring or too short, but I actually made it a bit longer than I wanted it to be. I also thought that Ryuzaki would hear out Light for a while, even if he had a trick up his sleeve, he would want to hear what Light had to say first.**

 **I'm really tired and need to learn for other tests and stuff, so I'm not going to respond to reviews this week, but I'll certainly do it next week. I even think I'll be writing two chapters next weekend, but I won't promise that. Sorry for my absence, see you guys soon!**

* * *

 **XxX**


	21. Screams & Shinigami

**I'm back! At this point in the story, things are going to get tricky for me, since I need to think about the way L would react to different developments then are in the manga, which is really tricky! That and I can be that kind of person that thinks something makes sense and then it doesn't, so I hope I won't confuse anyone! Anyway, enjoy the chapter!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **21\. Screams & Shinigami**

The notebook looked so familiar to me and I knew it looked familiar to Light.

The first thing I felt was panic. Then I realised it. _It's not mine._ My eyes shot away from the notebook, to Light. _It's yours, isn't it?_

The question was how he got it. light was always on his guard, if it had been mine, it would've been easy to understand. He'd been in my room only yesterday. If he'd lifted up the matrass while I was sleeping on it, he would've found it. That wasn't an especially hard thing to do.

'What's that?' Matsuda asked.

'A notebook, you idiot,' Aizawa answered, crossing his arms.

Matsuda pressed his lips together, he actually look sort of hurt. 'Yes, I got that, but I don't understand what—'

Ryuzaki interrupted him. _'_ Since the arrest of Misa Amane, we've been keeping an eye on Light Yagami's whereabouts. Could you please answer why you were burying this in the woods in the middle of the night?'

Light looked really confused now. But I wondered if he was using the confusing to hide his panic. 'What are you— I don't understand what this has to do with—'

'You went through the trouble of hiding this before coming here to be locked up as a part of your plan, isn't that correct?' Ryuzaki said, taking the transparent – was it glass – coffin out of the bigger coffin and started to open it. 'So you didn't want this to be found in any way. You wanted this gone no matter what. Which means that, if you are Kira, it's probably evidence. There are a lot of rules in the notebook, explaining how it's supposed to work. One rule made it clear to me why you wanted to be locked up. _If the user of the Death Note fails to consecutively write names within 13 days of each other, then the user will die._ Because it seemed like that was part of your plan, I also went ahead and assumed that that rule is fake.' Ryuzaki grabbed the white, big envelop that had been laying in front on him on the table since the beginning and took the papers out. They were pictures of paper. 'Something else that's inside the notebook, are the names of the victims. It wouldn't have been so suspicious, you could've just been keeping track of what was happening, but the way some things inside this notebook were written is off. Not as if it just happened, but as if you were going to make it happen. So, I assumed this notebook had something to do with the way Kira kill. So just in case I ordered that no one must touch the notebook.' He'd been looking at all of us until this exact moment, where he completely focused on Light. It almost seemed like they were the only two left in the room. 'Wouldn't you do the honours, Light-san?' Ryuzaki shoved the coffin with notebook over the table to Light.

I kept myself from looking at Yagami while his son slowly picked up the notebook a look on his face that I couldn't specify, but you could see it, he was thinking of something. He knew he couldn't run away now. He knew that. So… what was he going to do?

Yagami seemed lost as well. His face had a heartbroken expression and I could see that he still had a hard time believing any of this. After all, what did this prove? There was a notebook with names, this meant nothing. Maybe it meant something for the police, but for a father that puts his trust in his son and loves him so much, it meant absolutely nothing.

Then I realised that Light thought he had a back-up plan. Rem. Kira would soon be starting to kill people, he thought. It wasn't over yet, he thought. I wasn't exactly sure how wrong or right he was. I wasn't sure I wanted to know. I started to doubt my intellect and I started to doubt Rem's trust in me. If I failed, it would all be my fault. If I honestly told Rem I wasn't sure I could do it, he would've carried on with Light's plan and yes, Ryuzaki would be in more danger, but it wouldn't be my fault. I could've gone on not knowing anything.

Ryuzaki seemed disappointed that nothing happened when Light touched the notebook, but not surprised. 'Alright. Who wants to go next?'

Yagami immediately offered. 'I will.' He slowly took the notebook from his son's hands and only know I noticed that both Yagami's hands and Light's hands were shaking. Yagami held the notebook and I glanced over at the black shadow behind Light. He would be able to see it now, but he wasn't looking at Light. He was looking at Ryuzaki. 'It doesn't seem special,' he told us, but I saw that even he had started to completely doubt his son. Then he slowly turned and fell of his chair while screaming. I felt like I had seen that somewhere before. 'Waaaaaaah!'

Ryuzaki slightly frowned. 'What's wrong, Yagami?'

Yagami was staring at the black spot now, and I remembered that its name was Ryuk. Judging by the reaction, he was scarier-looking than Rem. 'M…Monster…'

'Is he having a panic attack?' Mogi muttered.

I felt like it was my time to go now. I ran over to Yagami, took the notebook away and started to try and comfort him. 'Are you all right, chief? You have to calm down. Just breathe, okay?' I knew that I had to pretend that I had been able to see him since th beginning, if I wanted my story to be more believable. But as I saw Yagami sitting here, I realised I could easily save Light as well. It _would_ be easy, but I didn't want to. Not after all this.

Mogi had come over now, too and grabbed the notebook. 'What's this abou— Uwaaaaah!' he shouted then, standing there in a frozen position.

I knew Ryuzaki was looking at me and I knew that there would be a black Shinigami behind him if I looked at Light now, so I just kept myself focused on Yagami. 'What's wrong, you two?' asked Aizawa, not willing to come over to touch the notebook.

Yagami seemed to have put two and two together. 'I…It…a…appears that anyone who touches the notebook…can see it… th…this monster…'

I knew that Ryuzaki would've figured out what that monster was by now. And I knew what I that to do now. I frowned, hoping that Ryuzaki was looking at me and pretended I only now realised that they could see Ryuk now, too. Then I looked over at him and frowned deeper, tilted my head to the side a little. He _was_ scarier than Rem. It wasn't because of the darker clothes, it was something in his eyes and his smile. Yes, I did not like that smile at all.

'Mogi-san, please bring the notebook to me.'

Slowly and staring nervously at the Shinigami, Mogi walked over to Ryuzaki and handed it to him and he just glanced over at Light, not surprised, but pleased to see the monster. 'Indeed… A reaper… it… really exists…'

It took about five minutes for everyone to touch the notebook and after that, get over the shock. Light was temporary cuffed to his chair. As soon as everyone had touched the notebook, it was back in Ryuzaki's hands, who immediately started to read the rules, although I assumed he already had seen copies of the pages, hell, probably already memorised all the rules.

'Shinigami,' Ryuzaki said suddenly, stopping all the forms of conversation that had been going on.

The dark dressed monster tilted his head. 'Hm?'

'There are more notebooks out there, aren't there?' he asked, looking at the Shinigami as if he was already used to seeing it.

Ryuk shrugged. 'Who knows?' but he'd said it with such amusement that the answer was clear to everyone.

'You weren't the one writing the names down, correct?' Ryuzaki then asked. 'It was Light Yagami who wrote the names down, correct?'

The Shinigami shrugged again, clearly set on being the least helpful creature on the planet. 'Who knows?'

'Light Yagami,' Ryuzaki said, giving up on a conversation with the Shinigami. Light gave him a blank stare. 'Are you the one who wrote the names down in this notebook? Is that how you killed all of those people? Does the notebook actually work?'

I wasn't sure what would happen. Maybe he would laugh. Maybe he would sigh. I didn't know. He shook his head. The idiot! 'I wish I could just… _forfeit_ this.'

What? That made no sense.

'No!' I heard Rem shout from his hiding place, wherever that was.

Ryuk chuckled, loud. Way too loud. That was kind of scary. And then, Light just passed out.

We all just stared at Light. 'What just happened?' Matsuda asked.

'Passed out because of stress, maybe?' Mogi suggested.

'Or maybe he's faking it so that he doesn't have to answer our question,' Aizawa suggested.

Ryuzaki didn't seem to think that their theories were likably, though. 'What did you do, Shinigami?' he asked Ryuk.

Ryuk chuckled. 'My name is Ryuk, you are allowed to call me that. And I didn't do anything. What that boy does, isn't up to me.'

Apparently, this stopped the whole 'hiding from Light'-thing, because Rem came in. 'He gave up ownership of the death note,' he explained to me, his eyes glowing with anger. My eyes widen. Why the hell would he do that? What would that accomplish?

'What's wrong, Olivia?' Ryuzaki immediately asked, almost as if he'd been carefully watching me. I had really thought that with everything going on, he wouldn't be interested in me. Guess I was wrong.

So Light would have no memories now, only if he touched a death note. This changed things, but not much. I would put Light behind bars. But first, I needed to save Misa. And L. But maybe not with an unconscious Kira in the room. 'Don't you think he needs some medical attention?'

Ryuzaki seemed unwilling – like me – but nodded. 'Watari, please bring Light to one of our special rooms. Well secured, of course. And but the surveillance cameras up on screens 17, 18, 19, 20 and 21.'

Watari stood, bowed. 'Right away.'

Mogi and Matsuda both stood up to help him, but the old man was stronger than he looked. He easily picked up the chair with Light in it and before walking out of the room with a surprising amount of ease, he turned around to say: 'I supposed laying him on the bed would be better than keeping him stuck on a chair?'

Ryuzaki showed one of his rare smiles. 'Do what you find suitable.'

Watari gave him a smile back and nodded once before leaving the room carrying the young adult in his arms. Jesus, I should work out, perhaps I could become a badass grandma one day. Not that I would _need_ to be one, but it would be cool.

It took everyone about two seconds to realise that Ryuk had vanished. Rem had told me that they need to stay close to the owners, but Light had given up his ownership, right? So, why had he gone? Who was the owner now? L? He was the one holding it, so that would be the most logical option, but…

'Am I the only who noticed that that Shinigami has disappeared?' Matsuda asked about two minutes after everyone else realised it.

I wanted to slap him. I wanted to slap myself. I wanted to go home. But I knew that that wasn't an option now. 'No, actually,' I answered, giving him a sarcastic glance. 'I'm pretty sure we all noticed'. Then I looked over at Ryuzaki. 'Ryuzaki, there's something I have to tell you about the Shinigami.'

Ryuzaki had expected it, I could tell. He slowly shut the notebook he'd been holding right up until that point and looked at me. Apparently I was interesting enough to put the death note away for. 'What is it?'

I took a deep breath and shut my eyes closed. 'I've been seeing them ever since the begin of the investigation,' I said.

'What?!' Matsuda shouted.

'Are you serious?' Yagami asked.

'Why did you never say anything?' Ukita wondered.

'Them?' L mused.

I opened my eyes, looked at him. 'Yes. There's another one. A white one. He's been hanging around Misa. I just thought… I just thought I was crazy, that my trauma was manifesting itself in a strange way. I never thought it was important.' I thanked the heavens that Ryuk wasn't here anymore, because I had no clue how he would've reacted to this and it could've ruined my plan completely. Though I was slightly terrified by the fact that he wasn't here. Just what was he doing? I wondered when the screen would turn on. I wondered if we would be able to see Ryuk in Light's room. Or cell, is what I should probably call it.

'So you never said anything because you thought we would assume that you were crazy, I understand,' Ryuzaki said slowly, but for some reason, he didn't sound as convincing as he normally did. 'What I don't understand is why you can see them.'

What _I_ didn't understand was why Light had chosen to erase his memory. The evidence was still there, that wouldn't disappear. Was he afraid he would break and tell us the truth? Did he want

I sighed. 'Maybe it is because I almost died when I was younger.' That was the sentence. His cue. It was also something that was the truth. I did believe that I had been able to catch glimpses of the Shinigami because _he_ almost killed me back then. Because if he couldn't had me, nobody could. I shivered, but was distracted almost right away.

With a soft sound fell the other death note on the middle of the table, perfectly dropped by Rem.

Instead of taking the note, Ryuzaki suddenly sprung forward, placing his hand on the table near the note. With his head down, he glanced up at me, from under his eyelashes. The sudden fire in his eyes electrified and terrified me at the same time. 'Is he here, Olivia?' he asked me.

I looked at him, blinked a few times. Pretended I wasn't entirely sure what he was asking me. I wasn't even completely sure why. Maybe because I didn't want to do this. Maybe because I didn't like the way he looked at me. Maybe a little bit of both.

'Is that other Shinigami in this room, Olivia?' he asked a bit more powerful now, as if it was an order instead of a question.

'Yes!' I answered, staring at Rem who seemed to be more calm and composed then I was, but not much. 'He is.'

Then, Ryuzakis fingers grabbed the notebook and looked at the place I was watching. 'Ah, you were right.' He smiled his childish smile. 'Do you think the fake rule will be in this one as well?' Then he suddenly frowned. 'But why would he drop this notebook?' he wondered as he handed the notebook to Ukita, who was sitting next to him.

'Because she could see me, it seemed pointless to hide.' Then he said his lines, but I have to admit they were a bit forced. 'But unlike Ryuk, I _did_ control the owner's actions.'

 _Oh god, I really don't want to go on with this plan anymore._

 _You are saving L,_ I reminded myself, _You are saving L._ But that didn't help me at all. Because I knew that there were more than enough scenarios in which L wouldn't survive. And I wouldn't either. _That's the price I'll have to pay for letting anyone kill L._ I wanted to cancel the plan. But there was no turning back now. Rem already had his next line on his lips.

'I controlled Misa Amane so that she would act as the second Kira,' Rem said.

 _No turning back now._

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Sorry! This chapter is a bit shorter than the other ones! Actually, it's really short, I thought it would be longer, but I wanted to split this in two, since my chapters are usually around the same amount of words and stuff. I know some people find my chapters short, but I like it better like that. If they're too long, it would be hard for me to keep writing good chapters that make sense every week, so there you go.**

 **Also, I wanted to write more this weekend, but I'm sick! Like, really sick. Yesterday, I couldn't speak at all and today, I sound like Mickey Mouse The worst part is that I'm not joking, people literally ask me to stop talking because my voice sounds to annoying now. I was happy I could write today, but yesterday, I was just too sick.**

 **Oh yeah, almost forgot, I also found time the past few… months to watch the Death Note drama, but I only finished it today, so I didn't really have the time to think about what to think of it. I really hated the first episode, I'll tell you that, so I know that it did get better. Was it a faithful adaptation? No, not really, but I did finish it and I was enjoying myself most of the time. Some changes just didn't make that much sense to me. And that Near is played by a girl is just… so weird! I thought that he would be a girl, which would be a bit better, since Misa was the only female character in the main cast, and she is so stupid! But nope, Near is just a child played by a woman. So… weird! And his hair. I had problems with his hair. Oh, yes, I wanted to go to sleep. I'll stop now.**

 **Thank you for reading this chapter! See you guys next week!**

 **(also, I know I haven't replied to reviews in a long time, even though I like doing that so much! I will get back to doing that. I actually wanted to this week, but now I'm sick and it actually took longer than I thought to finish this, so I'm going to sleep now, because I don't want to sound like Mickey Mouse tomorrow at school).**

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	22. Lies

**Hey hey! Here I am again! And still busy with everything. I hate being busy, I really do. I just want some moments to just sit down and do nothing. But then again, I love doing the things I do and I love writing, so I should probably stop complaining and start writing this chapter.**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

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 **XxX**

 **22\. Lies**

'I controlled Misa Amane so that she would act as the second Kira,' Rem said.

 _No turning back now._ I took a deep breath, tried to look as calm as possible while also looking surprised.

Ryuzaki looked thoughtful, not surprised, but it was easy to see that he wasn't completely sure about what Rem was saying. 'A Shinigami can do that?'

'Only to someone who owns a Death Note,' Rem answered. I told him to stay as vague as possible on the details, but it was a smart move from his part to just answer Ryuzaki's question with a quick, firm answer.

Ryuzaki still didn't look convinced though. 'But the other one just said that Kira's actions were his own.'

'That's because they were,' Rem said. Well, shit. He was supposed to be vague there. He wasn't supposed to know what Ryuk was up to.

'Then why were you controlling her?' Ryuzaki asked. 'It seemed to me that every action she took was her own. You know her pretty well if you were able to control her to such an extent that it seemed to fit her character perfectly.'

'Why would a Shinigami lie?' Matsuda asked.

'Yes, what would he gain by that?' Aizawa asked.

Ryuzaki sighed. 'Just because we cannot see the motive doesn't mean it's not there.'

And then it dawned on me, the thought that had been in the back of my mind ever since I decided to could pull this plan off. Of course he was too smart for me. I should've known better. Rem wasn't smart enough to lie his way around Ryuzaki suspicion. He would get angry at me and kill Ryuzaki because he could shorten Misa's lifespan. He would kill me for failing. But that was okay. What was my life compared to L's? I didn't save so many people by solving cases, I didn't give people hope. I was nothing compared to him. A small sacrifice.

'Why were you controlling her?' Ryuzaki repeated, glaring at Rem.

Rem knew the answer I gave him, but I doubted it would be enough. Nothing would ever be enough to fool Ryuzaki. 'Because it was interesting. Because I wanted to see Kira succeed. Not for the good of humanity, but for entertainment.'

Ryuzaki slowly put his feet on the ground and stood, started to walk towards the only Shinigami left in the room. 'While that sounds like a possible motive, the other Shinigami seemed more likely to do such a thing. You don't look like you enjoy this game at all, you almost behave like this is a game you _have_ to play in order to gain something. Entertainment? Not likely. But then what is it that you gain from this? Protection. I suppose it's hard to convict a Shinigami. But Misa Amane, yes, we could lock Misa Amane up for this forever. And for some reason you don't want that. Because, why would you come here to tell us this if you didn't care? If it was entertaining, why bother bringing the game to a halt?'

These were question I had been prepared for, but not to the extent that Ryuzaki gave him. 'I made a mistake by involving an innocent citizen,' Rem said, but because of all the context the Task Force and Ryuzaki had now, that made almost no sense.

'So you find it amusing when FBI agents, police agents and even innocent people who are against Kira die, but this one girl who supports Kira is too much?' Ryuzaki clearly didn't believe him now. He had found his motive, he thought.

Rem gave me a quick glance, but it was enough. It was a warning. If I didn't do anything right now, my faith and Ryuzaki's were sealed. I had to do what I had to do. One life for another. It seemed like a fair trade.

Rem had already turned his gaze back to Ryuzaki. 'I have no mercy for the people who think they're justice, but I do think that oblivious citizens who had nothing to do with the case have the right to stay out of it.'

'Rem,' I suddenly said, crossing my arms. I refused to look at anyone and just stared at the table. Afraid I might change my mind if I looked at anyone else. 'Just stop, he doesn't believe you.'

There was a silence. Then Matsuda said: 'Rem?' as I realised that Rem hadn't introduced himself. Good. That made me even more suspicious.

Ryuzaki seemed to realise this, too. 'That's its name,' he slowly said and even though I wasn't looking, I knew he was looking at me.

'How does she know its name?' Matsuda asked.

'Idiot,' Aizawa mumbled.

'Miss Olivia,' Ryuzaki said and I had to keep myself from cringing. 'Could you perhaps clarify your words?'

'He didn't control Misa's actions,' I said. I knew I had to stop staring at the table sometime, so I choose now. I looked up and stared into a pair of dark eyes with no hint of emotion in them. Perhaps that was my fault. Perhaps not. 'I did.'

Silence. Dead and dead silence. I looked at Rem briefly and he looked completely lost, but he must've understood what I was doing, because he wasn't saying a word. Looking straight ahead this time, I said: 'You were suspicious of me. You always were. I couldn't become the second Kira, you would figure out immediately. So I choose someone. The colleague of my aunt. If you caught her, I could still be save. She wanted to meet Kira and I gave her instructions to do so, while also keeping the instructions simple, because if her actions were too thought out or smart, you would suspect me. Misa wanted to meet Kira and thank him, not kill everyone that was in his way. That was the price she had to pay, even though she didn't want to. I blackmailed her, pretended I was one hundred percent sure. Lucky enough she figured it out on her own.' I looked back at Ryuzaki. 'And unlike Shinigami, I actually do feel sorry for people from time to time. This was one of these times. There. Done. I suppose it's time you lock me up now?'

They all just stared. Probably because I'd just confessed to easily. 'Want to confirm it or something? I am the current owner of that Death Note.' I gave a small nod to the Death Note on the table. 'I was writing names while Misa was acting as the second Kira. I even asked Rem to erase her memories once the was caught, too afraid that she would confess.'

No one was moving. 'Jesus Christ,' I said, rolling my eyes. 'Didn't you hear what I said? You should lock me up already!'

'Yagami-san,' Ryuzaki said calmly. Not surprised, not angry, not hurt. 'Please get the Task Force out of the room for now. I want to speak to miss Olivia for a short while. Alone.'

I froze. This was something I hadn't expected to happen. Not in a million years. Why would he do this? He'd been suspicious of me from the very beginning. And now I had told him he had been right. He had always been right. Why didn't he believe his victory? He loved victory.

Everyone slowly walked away. Matsuda seemed to have the most difficulty with leaving the room. But when he opened his mouth to protest, Yagami just pulled him further and further away from me.

And then I was alone. Well, not alone exactly, as both Rem and Ryuzaki were still there, but I felt alone.

When Ryuzaki spoke, it was sudden. 'I shall keep it short. I don't know what you are doing or why, but I know you are not the second Kira.'

I rolled my eyes, but I noticed that that became harder and harder. I tried to look cynical, diabolical, but I just didn't know how. Or maybe, I didn't want to. 'Why is it so hard for you to believe that I am the second Kira? You suspected me, you said so yourself.'

'That's true,' Ryuzaki said, still calm. 'But whatever I might have thought in the past, I don't think you are the second Kira now.'

I shot up from my chair, suddenly angry for no apparent reason. Rem, surprised, backed down a bit. 'Why are you denying the truth? I confessed just now, I told you that you were right. Why are you refusing to be right?!' I was shouting now. Shouting felt good. I wish I had shouted in Ryuzaki's face more often.

'Because I wanted to be right!' he suddenly shouted. Ryuzaki didn't shout. Not really. And even now that he did, it sounded bland. It still sounded like Ryuzaki, with a bit too much indifference, but louder. 'Because I wanted you to be my enemy! Because that would've made sense, that would've been the easy route!'

'Then why are you stopping me?!' I shouted back.

'Because you are not my enemy!' he shouted and this time, there _was_ something there. I completely caught me off guard how serious he suddenly looked. 'I wanted you to be, I really did and that's why you are not! Because even though I tried, I could not find the things I needed to confirm that you were Kira, whether it was the first or the second!'

I shook my head, turned away. 'You're insane.'

'I'm not,' he simply said. 'You know I'm not.'

I threw my hands up, turned back to him again. 'Okay, then you are ridiculous. What do you want from me? You already have my confessing, I don't think there's anything else I can tell you. What do you want from me?!'

'The truth,' he simply stated. 'You never lie to me, did you think I wouldn't notice? Why are you lying, Allison?'

The use of my real name made this situation somehow even more frustrating. 'I'm not lying!'

'You're lying right now,' he said, which was of course the truth. 'Why? What are you trying to accomplish? Who are you trying to protect? Misa?'

'I'm trying to protect you!' I shouted, tears dripping out of my eyes. I slowly let myself sink to the floor. 'Please, just believe I am the second Kira. Just believe me. Please.'

Rem didn't speak. Ryuzaki didn't speak. I held my head in my hands and stared at the floor and even though he wasn't saying anything, I could _feel_ Ryuzaki looking down on me. Thinking. Maybe even believing. But I had no idea what he would do next.

He sighed. And then there was more silence. After a long, long, long silence, he slowly walked away, I wasn't sure to where until I heard a familiar _beep_ sound, followed by Watari's voice. 'Yes?'

'Please prepare another cell for miss Olivia Upson,' Ryuzaki ordered calmly.

I closed my eyes, not sure if I won or lost. But at least I changed something.

* * *

XxX

'I don't get is,' Matsuda said.

At least three members of the Task Force moaned. 'What is it that you're not getting, Matsuda?' Yagami asked with the bit of patience he had left. He needed to leave. Ryuzaki had already dismissed him after he told him that it would be hard for him to see his son like this. But he couldn't leave now. All evidence was against his son now. He couldn't leave. Not when his son was Kira. Not when Olivia was in a prison cell, too.

'Olivia can't be the second Kira, she just can't!' Matsuda explained. 'It makes no sense!'

'Actually, it makes perfect sense,' Aizawa said, throwing the report he'd been reading on the table. With Olivia being suspected of a serious crime, all her classified information had been opened up for the Task Force. 'A young girl who was kidnapped by a group of gangsters and kept as their pet for years, of course she would turn against criminals. Kira even killed the entire group! Of course she would want to support him.'

'Include post-traumatic stress, lack of trust in anyone and a cold attitude towards the dead and you have the perfect suspect,' Ryuzaki added. 'And yet.' He opened a file on his laptop and some screens lit up with documents. 'These are all the alibis, facts and theories I've gathered over the past few months and they all prove why she cannot be the first nor the second Kira.'

Matsuda's face lit up. 'I knew it! I knew she was innocent.'

'She is not,' Ryuzaki said. 'Saying she's the second Kira while she's not is a crime, too. Add that to the fact that she withheld information from us and you have at least one month in jail.'

'But why would she be lying?' Mogi wondered.

'What I am wondering is why Ryuzaki has such a dedicated report on why she is not Kira,' Aizawa asked, crossing his arms. 'Do you have such a detailed report for each of us?'

'What are you saying, Aizawa-san?' Matsuda said, giving him a little push.

'She said she is trying to protect me, but I haven't figured out how her current actions are protecting me,' Ryuzaki said nonchalantly. 'I am, however, going to figure that out.'

Yagami frowned, looked at the young man in his chair. There had been something strange about both him and Olivia from the start, an odd connection, but it started to frighten him more and more. Should he have behaved more like a father towards her and protect her from Ryuzaki? He had never seemed like that kind of a threat. And he wasn't her father. He'd hoped that one day, maybe, she would become part of the family. He'd always tried to push her towards Light, but he knew that she noticed and that she refused. Now he wasn't sure about anything anymore and even the connection Ryuzaki and Olivia Upson seemed like something to worry about much, much later.

* * *

XxX

'Looks like he didn't believe s both,' Rem said slowly, closing his eyes.

'You know there are cameras and microphones everywhere, right?' I asked.

Rem nodded slowly. 'I wasn't going to say anything else.'

I almost laughed. But the situation I was in kept me from actually laughing. 'Thank you, by the way.' He knew what I was thanking him for.

'Don't thank me yet. When all of this is over and you still feel thankful, you can thank me then,' he said. It didn't sound like a lie. It sounded like he was actually a bit worried about me.

'If I survive,' I said with a fake laugh.

'If you survive,' Rem repeated, but it sounded more like a question than when I said it. I wanted to ask him about Jealous, who he was and why he meant so much to him that he was now protecting a mere human for him. But I couldn't ask. Not here, not now. Maybe not ever.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the wall. The small prison bed wasn't comfy, but it still felt like I could fall asleep here. 'I wonder what will kill me in the end.' L or a Death Note. He would've me executed if he believed I was the second Kira, I knew how he worked. He knew that prison sentences never really worked. I would be deported to the United States and maybe a long life prison sentence, but I highly doubted it. If he believed I was the second Kira, he would want to wipe me off the face of the earth. At least that was what I thought.

I thought about the words that always seemed close to the mouth. Words I would never get to say to Ryuzaki. Words I would never get to say to anyone. Sanami would cut off all ties, she needed to think about her career. I didn't really have friends and the Yagami household wouldn't come and cry for me either. The only one left to mutter the words to, was the wall I was leaning against. I mouthed the words, too afraid to say them out loud. I sighed.

'What are you thinking about?' Rem asked me, or maybe it was the speaker in the room. I was too far away to tell if it was Ryuzaki asking a question or Rem wondering out of boredom.

'Death conquers all,' I said before opening my eyes and pulling myself away from the sleep I so desperately wanted. Right now was not the time for sleeping. If I was going to die, I wasn't going to go down like this With my eyes already closed. I would die staring death itself right in the face. I owed that myself. After all, I was the one who believed that I could fool the greatest detective in the world.

Silly me.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **I've always said to friends of mine that I want to be locked up for something, just because I want to know what it's like in prison. Maybe that makes me a bit suspicious, but hey, it's a death note fanfiction, a bit suspicion is good one in a while.**

 **And I'm finally replying to reviews again! I love doing that, so I usually always do it, but I for some reason haven't for a while. Well, maybe I shouldn't write stories in the middle of the night, because then I'm half dead by the time the chapter's done and then I don't have the energy to reply to reviews. But I want to reply, so I am going to do it again. It's also not in the middle of the night this time, I'm getting better at this XD**

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 **XxX**

 **bored411: yes, it is. And I too am excited to see what Light's going to do next ;) And I am feeling a lot better, actually! Still have a bit of voice problems, but that's it.**

 **earthraindragon1: Thank you for liking Olivia! And I won't spoil what's going to happen to the characters, but I might introduce some familiar faces in the future…**

 **cupcakes: I hope this is ASAP enough for you ;) And of course, studying is not important (if I put studies first, this story wouldn't have existed XD). And I'm trying, it is really easy to make a main female lead just some damsel in distress, but I really try to keep her away from that a bit. Thank you for liking the story so for, hope you'll continue to like it in the future :D Until next time!**

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 **XxX**

 **IMPORTANT NOTE: If I don't update next week, it's because I have my final finals (high school exams? Why don't they teach you what those are called in English in Dutch schools?) at the beginning of May, so I'm busy with wrap up parties, studying, thinking about my future, more studying. But I love to write and** ** _want_** **to write, so I'll keep trying to update every week, even during the exams. I have to give myself a break of the stress, don't you think? This also counts for every week from now on, so sorry if you hate that. I probably will just keep updating every week, but I hate it when people suddenly don't update according to their schedule and I just sit there all miserable and stuff, so that's why I put this message here. Even if I am gone for one or two weeks** ** _I will finish this story._** **I hate not finishing something.**

 **Anyway, bye everyone! Thank you for reading, see you next time!**

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	23. Price

**I'm back! And I have no school tomorrow, so I might update again tomorrow, I hope I can, because I like writing!**

 **This is also the first chapter where I used a transcript from the anime instead of the manga or just my memory. It was a lot easier to find, which was great and it was weird going back to the source material after leaving it for so long. But even though I'm not following the original storyline, keeping certain lines or parts can help the characters from becoming too OOC, so I like to do that. Anyway, enjoy!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

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 **XxX**

 **23\. Price**

'You don't look that content with your decision,' Rem said. Even though he knew everyone could hear, he decided to talk anyway.

'I rather do this than let punishment come to the people who don't deserve it,' I answered, as vaguely as possible so that it wouldn't give away just who I was talking about.

'You sure are serious about this,' Rem said, but it sounded off, like he cared a bit more than before.

'You too,' I said, but even though there was much more I wanted say after that, I couldn't. Because the walls had ears. Literally. So I started to hum. Not that I could hum. Or sing, for that matter. I was quite sure that I was terrible. But it passed the time. And time seemed endless.

* * *

XxX

'I don't get it,' Matsuda said for the forty-second time that day. 'We have all this evidence, yet Light seems so convinced he's not Kira.'

'What do we do now? Show him the evidence?' Ukita wondered.

'Not yet,' Ryuzaki said, turning his chair around. 'I need to check some facts before we do so.' He turned the chair back to watch the screens, though he wasn't really looking at Light.

'Something about them just seems off,' Matsuda said, tilting his head to the side as he watched Light walking circles in his cell. 'It's weird, I can't put my finger on it exactly.'

'All the criminals have stopped dying, too. There is no Kira anymore,' Mogi said.

'So what are we doing exactly?' Aizawa asked cynical. 'We're sitting here with a whole team with no Kira, three suspects and more than enough evidence. Why aren't we doing anything?'

Ryuzaki didn't turn around as he spoke now, probably because he was too busy stacking gummy bears. 'Well, the problem remains that there's no proof of the notebooks actually working, so that needs to be proven before anyone could get convicted. That and we have two Kira, but three suspects. That's a problem that needs to be resolved, too.'

'But you already showed us a list of why Olivia can't be Kira, so the case is solved! We're just wasting time!' Aizawa went on. 'For the last few days, Yagami-san has just been staring into nothing, Matsuda keeps saying that he doesn't get it and the rest of us just sit here reading documents that won't get us anywhere. Why aren't we doing anything? Why aren't _you_ doing anything?'

The pile of gummy bears fell and it seemed like Ryuzaki was frozen. Then again, he seemed to be frozen quite a lot of times. When he spoke, it was louder than it had been before, and it startled almost everyone in the room. 'Ryuk, was it? That's your name isn't it, the black thing over there?'

'Ryuzaki,' Matsuda said hesitantly. 'Isn't it a bit rude to go around calling someone a black thing?'

'What do you want?' Ryuk asked, just like everyone else completely ignoring Matsuda. He was floating above the table with an apple in his hand. Watari had bought a bunch of apples after Ryuk had whined and whined about needing them.

'A Shinigami is supposed to stay close to the current owner of the death note, isn't that right?' Ryuzaki asked, still not looking at the 'black thing' in the room.

'Right,' Ryuk answered, much more helpful now that he had an unlimited supply of apples.

'Which means that owner of the other death note really is Olivia Upson,' Ryuzaki said, more a statement then a question.

Ryuk chuckled, knowing that that wasn't her real name, but going with it anyway. 'Right.'

'Which means that the current owner of your death note is in this room,' Ryuzaki said.

There was completely silence in the room. Ryuk didn't confirm his statement, but he didn't need to.

'Which means that the current owner isn't Light Yagami,' Ryuzaki said when it became clear that no one was going to say anything. 'How did that happen, exactly?'

The Shinigami chuckled, but didn't answer. Where was the fun in giving all the answers for free?

'Do you happen to know who the current owner is?' was Ryuzaki's next question. Everyone looked slightly in panic now. No one here wanted to be the owner of such a thing, even when they didn't write names, it felt bad just to be the owner.

Another lingering silence.

Aizawa was about to say something, but then Ryuzaki spoke: 'I assume that Rem was previously Misa's Shinigami. If that one decides he wants to keep Misa save, killing the Task Force could be the only solution. Am I right? Just note that if you keep being silent, I will take the apples away from you.'

That seemed like a big deal for the creature, as he immediately stopped chuckling. 'You are right. If Rem wishes to save Misa, you would all be in danger right now.' He chuckled again when he Matsuda dropped the documents he held in his hands and started going pale.

Ryuzaki tilted his head to the side. 'And if we were to convict Misa, we would die.'

'Yep,' Ryuzaki answered simply.

Now almost everyone in the Task Force had gone pale, even though everything Ryuzaki just said hadn't been confirmed. Why would a Shinigami care for a human anyway?

But Ryuzaki was grinning. He turned around, jumped off the chair and put his hands in his pockets. 'I am going to visit miss Olivia Upson's cell for a bit.'

* * *

XxX

I wasn't even sure how long I'd been here. Hours? Days? Weeks? Probably not. Rem had stopped talking to me, which was a smart decision. I doubted L would save Misa if he knew that that would mean saving his life. He cared more about justice than his life, I knew that much.

'Someone's coming,' Rem warned me and I immediately sat straight on the bed.

The door slowly opened and Ryuzaki walked into the cell. Instead of using the speakers in the cell, he came in. I didn't like that. Talking face to face, lying in his face, was much harder.

At first he just stood there, staring at me. But then Watari came, carrying a cheap looking folding chair and put that down right in front of the bed. I was surprised that Ryuzaki could sit on that without falling, even while sitting normally that sometimes was a hard thing to do on those cheap chairs. As soon as Watari closed the door, Ryuzaki opened his mouth: 'To protect me.'

That completely threw me off. 'Sorry, what?' I asked, my voice sounded horse because I hadn't used it for quite a while.

'You lied about being the second Kira to protect me,' he explained. Then, he went on one of those endless talking trips of his. 'At first, I didn't understand. You being the second Kira didn't protect me, I couldn't see the big picture. You being gone wouldn't protect me, so that wasn't it either. And then I thought about what it _would_ accomplish. It would save Misa from a prison sentence, at least. So, you were protecting Misa. But if that was the case, you would have said so, so protecting Misa meant protecting me. So you are trying to protect Misa from us, but who are you trying to protect me from? Misa would be the obvious choice, but that wasn't it. She doesn't have a death note so even if she _does_ know my name, she isn't much of a risk. And she didn't threaten you, she never had the chance to. So it wasn't Misa. But then I thought about it. You aren't the second Kira, so why did you know Rem? Why were you the owner of the death note?' The look in his eyes was actually pretty damn scary. Like there was something behind the darkness this time. Not just his thoughts, but something else. 'You were threatened, weren't you?'

I wasn't sure what to say. I felt my eyes tear up, but I refused to cry. I wasn't the victim here. Hell, depending on who you asked, I was either the hero or the villain. Not the one crying. Not now. Hopefully not ever. I looked over at Rem, but he looked at me with an expression I couldn't follow. Not the empty stare, but a torn one, one that showed me that he had thoughts and feelings, too. It might sound odd, but I tended to forget that. I had no idea what to do now, so I just asked Ryuzaki a stupid question. 'Just what do you want from me?'

He smiled a smile I couldn't place. 'You're an idiot,' he said. Then he pressed his lips together. 'That was a lie,' he then admitted. It was clear that he was having a hard time, too, because he didn't seem a focused as usual.

'Right,' I said calm and slowly, a bit surprised by his last words. Calling me an idiot was odd, but then admitting it was a lie? Jesus, someone brainwashed him. Just out of curiosity, I reached my hand out to him and touched his cheek. Only to check his temperature, I told myself. But even I knew now that that was – at least partially – a lie. 'Are you alright?' I asked.

He pulled his face back a little, but it was enough to understand. _Don't touch me._

I pulled my hand back as if I'd burned it and I couldn't help but feel hurt, even though I could understand.

'Tell me how to help you,' he said. 'You need to tell me what I can do. I don't understand what it is you want from me.' That were odd words to hear from someone who didn't even want to touch you.

'Be save,' I told him. 'Be healthy. Eat more vegetables, believe me, they won't kill you. And sleep more, those bags aren't healthy. And maybe cut Watari some slack once in a while, he is old, after all.'

'No,' he said, shaking his head. 'No, not things like this. Tell me what I should do in order for you to confess that you were lying when you said you were the second Kira. A confession is seen as serious evidence, even with the alibis, you still need to appear in court. And Misa will be convicted of being the second Kira and you will go to jail because of a false confession. You won't be saving anyone.'

He was right. Oh, god. He was right. I couldn't get myself convicted and I couldn't convince him to do as I say. Not without explanation. But I couldn't explain, didn't know if I was allowed to explain. And if Ryuzaki were to die, I'd rather have he wouldn't die in front of me.

Rem saw how I was looking, tilted his head to the side. Didn't speak, but he didn't look like he was going to kill L at any moment. When I looked at him with a questioning look, he slowly closed his eyes. And nodded.

 _I was allowed to explain._

'Light cannot be trusted,' I said, looking from Rem back to Ryuzaki.

Who looked completely lost. 'Yes, I realised,' he said, but it sounded like a question.

'Well, exactly. You aren't the only one who realised. Rem wanted Misa to be save, so Light came up with a plan. But Rem didn't trust Light so came to the person in the Task Force who knew Misa best. Me. He asked me to save her, but the moment he thought I would fail, he would start to support Light again and kill everyone in the way of Misa's safety, including me and you.' I almost laughed because I felt so relieved saying this all now. 'I'm not clever enough to beat you, we know that, Rem didn't. So this seemed like the last option to save Misa, even though I know now that this won't work. So, if you really want to know what I want, I want you to live. Which means that Misa goes free.' I swallowed, remembered something Rem had said to me. 'And Light, too.'

It took about three seconds for Ryuzaki to have completely understood everything I'd just said. 'Why Light?'

'Misa loves him. _Needs_ him. Even without being Kira, she needs him to be happy and that's all Rem wants,' I explained. 'And all I want is for you to be alive, so it seemed like the perfect compromise at the time.'

'At the time,' Ryuzaki repeated, not looking at me.

Rem still seemed surprisingly… inactive. 'It seems like it was okay to tell you.' I shrugged. 'I didn't know. Didn't want to risk it.'

'I won't do it.'

I wasn't sure if I'd heard it correctly, so I looked at him with a confused look before I decided that I should just ask what he'd meant. 'Sorry, what?'

'I won't do it,' Ryuzaki repeated. 'Letting Light go, after everything he's done? I'm not willing.'

My heart sunk. 'What do you—'

'Misa going to prison was already something unlikely to happen. A mental hospital, probably. After all the trauma and emotional damage, she needs that more than punishment. She's as much a victim as us. But Light? He needs to be punished for the crimes he's committed. I solve every case. I'm not willing to let this one slip through my fingers.'

'Not even if this path meant you'd die?'

'Not even then.' He'd said it so sure that there was no arguing with him.

 _I'll die if you die._ I'd almost said it out loud. But I didn't. because it sounded pathetic. 'Not even if you saved lives by doing so? There are so many people, countries, nations, who need you. The world _needs_ L, Ryuzaki.'

'I have successors,' he simply said. 'It's going to be fine.'

'But don't you get it? it's not revenge he's after, it's Misa's safety! He'll kill the whole team, Yagami, Aizawa, hell, probably even Watari! Are those lives really worth your goal?' I asked, starting to get desperate. Successors? Don't make me laugh. He wasn't going anywhere. Not now. Not ever if I had a say in it.

Ryuzaki didn't seem to like the fact that I asked him _don't you get it?._ 'So I should just let Light and Misa walk around freely? Even without the notebooks, they're still murderers, Olivia, you shouldn't forget that.'

I shook my heads. 'They aren't the owners of the notes anymore, they both have no memories of being Kira.'

I looked at Ryuzaki's face as the last puzzle piece went into place. Then his face became thoughtful as he thought about what this meant for the investigation.

'What? Are you going to tell me that justice if worth it? Well? I'm not buying it.' I looked over at the camera. 'That things better be on. This isn't only your decision so make. The whole Task Force needs to decide.'

Ryuzaki sighed and scratched his head. 'First off, let's move you back to your old room, since you just admitted multiple times that you _aren't_ the second Kira. Which had been caught on film, by the way.' He sighed again. 'And let me discuss what to do with the Task Force. You are more than welcome to join the discussion. But maybe not today.'

I looked at the clock in my cell. Five minutes and ' _today'_ was over. Knowing L, he probably meant those five minutes. 'And why not?' I asked, even though I knew what he was trying to tell me.

He stood, put his hands in his pockets and grabbed the chair. 'Even insomniacs need to sleep.' Then he looked at the camera in the corner. 'Watari, please come and bring miss Upson to a more suitable room.' A smile appeared on his face, but because he wasn't looking at me, it was harder to see. 'She's in the clear.'

* * *

 **XxX**

 **YEAH! IN THE CLEAR. I loved that part in the anime (I know it's also in the manga, but I found it funnier in the anime), where the Task Force is all asking about Light's innocence and L's like: 'well… he's in the grey'. I just thought that was hilarious.**

 **Anyway, I know L was a bit OOC, I hate it when I can't help that, but I tried my best. Hopefully, it will not happen in the future. And also, Rem is a pretty hard character to give any development. That and even though I've always seen Rem as a male Shinigami, right now, Rem is mostly seen as female. Rem was female in the musical and also in the Japanese drama. And I think Rem was also female in the English dub, but I'm not sure about that. I just kept Rem male, because that's how I know Rem.**

 **Anyway, thank you for reading, see you next time, bye!**

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 **XxX**

 **bored411: yeah, I know, crazy stuff indeed. I wish I was talented enough to eb able to write through L's POV, but I think he has such an unique mind, I wouldn't be able to figure him out. And maybe his way of thinking should remain a mystery, I don't know. And thanks! I'm all better and my finals… well, we'll just have to wait and see!**

 **ethanlu121: Thank you! I always feel like I'm severly lacking when it comes to this story, because there's so many good Death Note fanfiction out there, so it's great to hear that you like it!**

 **Fanfictionlover124: Thank you! And here's more ;)**

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	24. Confidential

**I'm back! BUT! There's a big chance that I will be gone for a while after this. Maybe I'll update next week, that's a possibility, but I won't update the weekends after May 6th and May 13th. This is because of finals. Even if I don't update next week – which I hope I do, because I don't like being gone too long; two weeks is more than enough – I'll definitely be back after May 20th, since that's the day I have my last final!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

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 **XxX**

 **24\. Confidential**

'I knew it! I KNEW IT! She _wasn't_ the second Kira!' Matsuda said, as if the Task Force only knew that now. 'But what now, then?'

'Even though I agree with Ryuzaki, they need to be punished, I don't think I want to die,' Ukita admitted.

'To hell with that! This is an odd situation and it asks for odd closure! Just leave them be, they don't remember anything, so who cares?' Aizawa said. 'My life is not going to be at risk just because Ryuzaki hates to lose!'

When no one reacted, Aizawa looked at his team, only to see them all staring at the man who'd just now entered the room. 'You are correct,' Ryuzaki mused as he slowly walked down the metal stairs. 'So I suppose I should fire you all, then.' Before anyone could protest, Ryuzaki waved with his phone. 'I already called your boss, if you want to go back to your old routine, you are allowed. However, if you decide to step out of the team now, you won't get any more information on the case. You'll have to sigh multiple confidentiality agreements. You won't be able to talk about anyone about this. Not your friends, not your family… not even with each other.'

This really infuriated Aizawa: 'Were you ever really working _with_ us? Until the very end, you still feel like you are the one who makes the decisions. You always have to have the last word! I've always hated you and your way of doing things!'

'Well, that's too bad,' Ryuzaki said as he walked towards his chair, sitting down in it in his usual position, not facing any of the Task Force members. 'Because I like you, Aizawa.'

'You see! _Again_ have to have the last word!' Aizawa shouted. 'That's it, I'm out of here.'

'Aizawa-san,' Mogi said as he went after the man who was leaving the room, not even sure if he was trying to bring him back, or if he was going to leave himself.

'Thank you for all your hard work,' Ryuzaki said softly, too quiet for Aizawa. Then he spoke a bit louder. 'All of those opposed to resigning can stay, all the others have until sign. I won't bother you from now on.' Then he looked up to the stairs. 'That also applies to you, Olivia-san.'

* * *

XxX

Being in my room again meant that I could leave whenever I wanted to. I could go back to the investigation room again. And even though I was a bit scared to do that, I decided that I should face the Task Force properly, otherwise I wouldn't be able to look into their eyes every again.

I walked into the investigation room via the balcony Ryuzaki always used. I never did, because it meant going via Ryuzaki's floor, but today, I wanted to. Because it was a much more subtle entry. And because I was curious about what Ryuzaki's floor looked like.

All the rooms had been closed, of course, but the empty, clean hallway told me enough. It looked sad and lonely. Empty. It reminded me of L in so many ways.

'I've always hated you and your way of doing things!' Aizawa shouted as I entered the room. I stopped moving, standing still on the balcony. I couldn't see any of the Task Force members, only the big wall full of screens and Ryuzaki's empty chair, which meant that everyone was around the table which was underneath the balcony. I looked at the screens only to see that now there _were_ a lot of cameras in my room. _Even though I told him to truth, I was too late. I lied to him, the trust is gone,_ one voice said to me.

 _Or he just wants to protect you from Rem,_ another voice said.

I shook my head. This was a subject that I didn't want to think about. Not right now. Not with so many things going on. It had been clear that Ryuzaki didn't want to think about them either. He hadn't addressed what had happened between us that night, never. As if he was pretending it never happened. As if he had already forgotten that it happened.

'Well, that's too bad.' Ryuzaki came into view then, as he walked towards his chair and sat down, intentionally facing the screens instead of the team behind him. 'Because I like you, Aizawa.'

I shook my head. _Idiot._ Did he really not know Aizawa after all this time?

'You see! _Again_ have to have the last word!' Aizawa shouted, his frustration and anger maxed out now. 'That's it, I'm out of here,' he added, followed by loud footstepts.

'Aizawa-san,' Mogi said as hastily footsteps followed the angry ones. I guessed Mogi left with him, but for exactly what reason, I wasn't sure.

Ryuzaki didn't seem to care that those two had left the room. 'All of those opposed to resigning can stay, all the others have until tomorrow morning to leave. Don't worry, Watari will find you to sign everything that you need to sign. I won't bother you from now on.' Then he looked up and looked straight at me, as if he'd known all this time that I was there. His eyes seemed more empty than usual. I wasn't sure if he was going that intentionally because he didn't want anyone to think he was hurt, or if he was so used to feeling hurt by now that his body knew how to deal with it in an easy, yet painful way. Locking hurt away won't erase it from your heart and mind. I knew that better than anyone. 'That also applies to you, Olivia-san.'

Instead of remaining silent like the others, I nodded and said: 'I understand, Ryuzaki.' Saying is name suddenly felt cruel, but I had said it before I realised that.

Ryuzaki didn't really react much, but he did say this: 'I think it's better for now to just stay in your room.' This time, he didn't tell me about the cameras, which to me meant that he really didn't trust me anymore.

 _Or he knows you noticed them on the screen,_ a voice said, but I shushed it. Not now.

I nodded again and walked out of the room without saying goodbye.

'The investigation seems to have stopped moving,' Rem slowly said as he came floating next to me as I walked through L's hallway. 'As if the great L doesn't know which step to take.'

I sighed. 'I think he just wants me and everyone on the Task Force to be gone before he risks his life trying to get Light in a prison cell. Or executed.' I shivered.

'But doesn't he understand I'll kill him before he succeeds?' Rem wondered.

That made me shiver again. 'I think he rather dies doing the right thing than life while doing the wrong thing.' I shrugged. 'His sense of justice, I guess.'

'And yours, too,' Rem realised. 'You're not going to leave, are you?'

Finally, I looked up at the white Shinigami hovering in the air. 'Of course not. There should at least be more than one person in his life who doesn't leave him, don't you think?' Watari wouldn't leave. I hadn't spoken to him for a long while, but even then, I knew he loved Ryuzaki like his own son. He wouldn't leave, but I knew that Ryuzaki would try to make him. Maybe even lie. So maybe I would be the only one by his side as he died. I looked back at the Shinigami as we entered the elevator. 'Could you do me a favour, Rem?' I felt my eyes tear up and for once, I did not care. Rem didn't care whether I cried or not anyway. 'Could you kill me last? I don't want Ryuzaki to be alone when he dies.' I blinked and a tear escaped. I let it. If only for now. I hadn't seen any screens that showed the elevator back in the investigation room, which was for the best. Whether there were microphones or not, the Task Force shouldn't see me crying.

'You would go that far for a man you barely know?' Rem asked, looking completely shocked. Even though his face wasn't that expressive, I could tell that he was really shocked. Shocked and confused.

'Of course I would,' I said with a smile, staring at the elevator doors in front of me. I locked my hands together and tried to keep myself together while doing so. 'I love him.' I let those words slip out of my mind and when I did, it sounded so natural. Like saying that it was raining. It was so easy and yet, it seemed like such a hard thing to say, to admit. As the elevator door opened, I looked Rem in the eyes once more. 'You would do as much for Misa, too, wouldn't you?' I asked in an attempt to make him understand.

But the way he looked at me confused me. Because, in that moment, the way he looked told me that he wouldn't. 'I'm watching over her for my friend who passed away,' Rem said as we walked into the corridor towards my room. 'Not because I love her.'

And even though I was quite sure I heard it wrong, as I entered my room, I thought I heard him whisper: 'I wonder how far I'm willing to go for a dead friend.'

* * *

XxX

I had a nightmare that night. Not the usual kind, but the strange kind. The 'children being stabbed to death in Disneyland'-kind. Only I was chased, too. But I was too busy saving all the children to see the man following me around. Especially that one kid with the messy dark hair and even though in my dream I had no idea why, but when I got woken up by a knife in my stomach I realised that I had ran after that kid because he resembled Ryuzaki.

What was wrong with me?

'What's wrong?' Rem asked as I shot out of bed and ran out of the elevator, deciding that the stairs would be quicker and leaving the elevator to be as I ran to the stairs, flying down to the investigation room.  
There was no one. Did everyone leave? Everyone in the Task Force, even Yagami? Matsuda? Everyone? Did they all abandon the man they worked with, did they not try to talk him out of it? Did they not care?

'Ryuzaki?' I said softly. Tears were already streaming down my face, so I didn't bother to stop them. 'Ryuzaki?!' Emptiness. The room was empty and I was screaming at nothing.

The first one to really know me since I moved to Japan. The first one who seemed different too, almost like aliens were we distant from the world. The man who only said things that the truly thought, his praises _meant_ so much more because of that. And the way he sat, the way he spoke, the way he smiled cutely whenever he was happy. Even scarier than me not being around anymore, would be a world in which this man did not exist. Not because he was L. Not because he was anything, at all, really. But because he was the person that made me realise that I was living for a reason. I _survived_ for a reason.

I ran upstairs, not to my floor, but to Ryuzaki's floor. I pulled every door, but all of them were closed, of course. Until the last one, the one most near the elevator. That one opened. Ryuzaki wouldn't leave a door unopened. I looked around, but Rem was nowhere. _Did he flee because he didn't want to see me realise L's dead?_ I shook my head. Not now. Not today.

I walked into the room. There was a couch and some chairs. Matsuda lay on the couch, his jacket over him like a blanket and his mouth open while snoring quite unattractively. Yagami was sitting in the chair, the only thing that told me he was sleeping were his closed eyes and the way his head was tilted just slightly to the right.

They were still here. Breathing. _Alive._ But where was Ryuzaki?

Then Rem appeared from the ceiling. 'The man you are looking for is an the roof at the moment.'

I stared at him for a while. 'On the roof?' I repeated. _Dead?_ I wanted to add, but I didn't. Couldn't. Did not want to know.

Rem nodded.

And I was flying up the stairs again. I wasn't even sure how many floors there were, it didn't seem to matter until the moment I reached the last stairs and I almost bumped into Ryuzaki. 'Olivia,' he stated, surprised to see me.

I didn't give him time to say anything else. I wrapped my arms around him and held him there. 'Don't die,' I begged. 'And don't leave in the middle of the night, just to go to the roof!' I pushed back a little so I could punch in him the chest. Again and again and again. 'Don't just disappear like that, you moron! Don't just die on me, okay?' I punched him again, but he didn't even react to my weak punched. 'Okay?!'

Ryuzaki grabbed my wrist before I could punch him again, but I couldn't look at his face right now, had no clue what kind of face he was making. Then he pulled me back against him and for someone who hated physical contact, he seemed to be pretty willing to do so. Which confused me, but also calmed me a bit. I let my hands fall down my sides as he held me against him, but eventually wrapped my arms around him as well. 'I'm here,' he said, one hand cupping the back of my head. 'I'm here. Calm down.'

I didn't think it was necessary to answer, so I didn't say anything. It took very long before I even remembered how to open my mouth. But when then time came, the first thing I noticed was that Ryuzaki's hair, as well has his clothes, were wet.

Before I could ask, Ryuzaki said: 'It's raining outside.'

I frowned. 'Then what were you doing outside?' I asked. 'You're going to make yourself sick! Eat more vegetables if you want to stand in the rain the whole day! And very typical, you never come outside, but when you do, it's raining. You know you need vitamin D, right? You get that from the sun. And did you know that not seeing the song for too long can cause depression? And, by the way—'

I stared at him, stopped mid-sentence. Not because I didn't know what to say, but because he was looking at me with a soft smile that I had never seen before. When I stopped talking, the smile hardened, but only a bit. 'Why did you stop?' he asked.

That was enough for me to gain my senses back. 'No reason,' I said with a shrug. Before Ryuzaki could point out I was lying, I grabbed his arm. 'Come, let's get you dry.'

Ryuzaki didn't care to ask anything as we walked downstairs, but I found myself wondering. 'So… what _were_ you doing outside?'

I took a while, eight steps to be precise, before he answered. '…I was thinking,' he said and even though I wish I could have more details, the look on his face told me not to ask more. Thinking outside in the rain. He must've been lonely. I didn't think anyone would get used to being alone, not even the great detective L.

I decided to change the subject. 'Does Watari know your real name?' I asked him.

Ryuzaki nodded, seemed okay with this topic. 'The problem is actually that I'm unsure what name would suffice.'

That made me frown again. 'What do you mean?' I asked.

This time, he looked hesitant to answer. We were almost at my floor now and I wasn't even sure which floor we were going. Changing and drying in my room seemed a bit… off. So probably his room.

I was right, because we kept walking down the stairs after my floor. The door of the room where Matsuda and Yagami were sleeping in was left open by me, so as we entered the corridor, we could hear Matsuda's snoring.

We walked past that room and even past most of the rooms. It was the sixth room that Ryuzaki opened with a passcode and a key, because one wasn't enough, apparently. I walked in, him following me. He was the one who closed the door. 'I haven't always been with Watari,' he then suddenly said. 'My name before I met him was different, but I don't remember that name, don't see that name as my real name in the slightest. That makes me think about the Death Note. Which name is supposed to be used to kill me.'

Hearing him say those two words _kill me_ hurt me more than I thought it would. I walked up to him, even though we'd only been three steps apart, and put my hand over his mouth, shaking my death. 'Don't think about things like that.'

His dark eyes seemed to soften as I said that. With my hand still covering his mouth, he asked. 'Does it make you sad?'

I pulled my hand away carefully, not really giving an answer, but believing that remaining silent would be an answer enough. 'Go dry up,' I said, pointing at the bathroom. His room was almost identical to mine, so I knew where things were. That door on the right was the bedroom and that door next to it was the bathroom. The room we were in now was, I guess, the living room. The closest thing you could get for a living room, anyway.

Ryuzaki nodded and walked away, but only after petting my head a bit. Almost as if I was a dog and he was telling me 'good boy'. I didn't take it as a compliment, but it didn't feel bad either.

I sat down on the couch, which was the same as mine and ended up lying on the couch staring at the ceiling by the time Ryuzaki came out of the bathroom. I wasn't looking and it seemed like the right decision as I heard the bedroom door open and close again. I wondered for about three seconds what I would've seen if I had looked, but then decided that now was not the time.

When Ryuzaki entered the living room again, I still didn't get up. Not even when I saw his head pop up above me. 'Are you asleep?' he asked. A stupid question. But we both seem to know that.

'Yes,' I said with a smile, closing my eyes. I was about to make a loud snore noise when a cold touch stopped me. I knew what it was, I wasn't stupid, but I wasn't sure if I should move. Ryuzaki had never kissed me first. Not really. And I was afraid this moment would disappear if I moved, that I would wake up and that I would be in my bed and Ryuzaki would be gone.

He pulled back after a while and looked at me with a calculating look.

'What?' I asked as I slowly sat up so that Ryuzaki could sit beside me, which he did.

'I just realised that you haven't told me why you were searching for me,' he said, not explaining what he just did or why he did it. Maybe that was how it was with us. Just… kissing and then pretending it never happened. Maybe we both just wanted to, but both also knew that this wasn't the right time. But then again, he was L. I didn't think 'the right time' would ever come for him. And thus, for me.

'Ah,' I said, accepting the subject change. 'I was stabbed.'

Ryuzaki looked confused, but also, vaguely, worried. 'Where were you stabbed?' he asked carefully.

I laughed, but it sounded fake. I wasn't sure if it was fake or not. 'No, in my dream. I was trying to save children and—' I shrugged. 'I was stabbed. And when I woke up, I just… wanted to see you... I guess.'

He didn't look like he got it, he still looked confused, but he accepted the explanation. But after a short silence, he said: 'You were crying.'

'Yes,' I said. Then I added, in an attempt to lighten the mood. 'Being stabbed hurts.'

I should've known Ryuzaki wouldn't find it funny. 'Are you sure that that was what you were crying about.'

 _No_. I didn't say it. Instead I came a bit closer to him and rest my hand against his shoulder, closing my eyes.

This time, Ryuzaki didn't seem comfortable with the fact that I was touching him, even though it had been fine minutes ago. 'O-Olivia…?'

I sighed. 'Just a moment,' I said, not saying anything else. He was bony, I knew that, but it wasn't _not_ nice. He smelled familiar and his sweater was soft. And I liked that I could hear him breathing in and out very well from here. 'What are we going to do about this mess, Ryuzaki?' I asked after a silence that felt like a second, but it could've been hours.

'That might be something that I don't even know,' Ryuzaki asked and for the first time since I met him, he sounded actually really sleepy. 'So I suppose we have to ask Light.'

'Light is Kira,' I said slowly. 'And he doesn't even remembers being Kira.'

'Exactly,' Ryuzaki said as an answer.

I sat up as I heard that. 'What are you planning, Ryuzaki?' I asked, but when I looked at him, his eyes closed and his breathing heavier, I knew that if I left him like this now, he would fall asleep. And world's greatest detective or not, Ryuzaki needed to rest once in a while. So I decided to let my questions be for now as I stood up and grabbed a blanket from his bedroom and draped it over him. I considered staying next to him on the couch, but I needed to rest, too, so I grabbed another blanket and got into the bed, which clearly hadn't been used. Still, it smelled like Ryuzaki and Watari, that vague sweet smell that they probably took from where they came from. One of the last thoughts that I had before I fell asleep was that I wouldn't mind smelling like that for the rest of my life.

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 **XxX**

 **Even though this is one of the longest chapters I've written for this story, it's not like a lot happens. It felt like a filler-chapter to me, even though it wasn't.**

 **And I actually want to change the story description, because I don't think it covers the story well enough, but I'm really bad at that, so if someone has any ideas or tips, just let me know!**

 **Anyway, hope you enjoyed! I'm going to reply to some reviews and then go to sleep. Bye!**

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 **XxX**

 **Fanfictionlover124: Thank you, I thought so, too! Even though it's a bit unrealistic to let all the characters live, I always find it hard to kill off characters if I know there's a way to save them.**

 **bored411: Thanks! I actually wanted to have more Misa and Light in this chapter, but it ended up so much longer than I expected, so that'll come next time. Thank you for wishing me luck, I'll do my best not to fail too miserably.**

 **Kat Hosk: Thank you so much! And I will continue with a lot of pleasure! Lots of love and friendship for you, too! ;)**

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 **XxX**


	25. Victim

**Yayy I have time to write! I don't have time this weekend, though, so I decided to update today! I'm going to say this again, the next two weeks, there (probably) won't be any updates because of finals and stuff.**

 **And I actually only recently read** ** _Death Note: Another Note_** **and there was that part where they were talking about L's real name and that L might not even know which name would kill him, I thought it was cool that I thought of that, too, before reading the book. I'm not sure in which chapter that was, but I know for sure that I've hinted at it, so I felt a bit closer to the Death Note Universe when I read that. Anyhowsies, let's start the chapter!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **25\. Victim**

As soon as Olivia had left the room, Ryuzaki opened his eyes. 'Rem?' he said softly, even though he'd seen the thing leave a while ago, he was 89.99% positive it could still hear him. He also knew that the other one, the black one, was probably nearby, but he'd already deduced that Rem was more… helpful than the other one.

Ryuzaki had been right about Rem being able to hear him. The white thing came floating in. 'Yes?' he asked, his voice as expressionless as his face.

Ryuzaki didn't waste any time and started off where he needed to start off, speaking a bit quieter than usual because he didn't want the young woman in the other room to hear him. 'I am the current owner of the other death note, correct?' he asked the Shinigami standing in front of him.

A pause. Then, a small nod.

'So, when I give the ownership up, I would lose my memories of the existence of the death note, correct?' was his next question.

Again a short pause. Then a short shake with the head. _No._

That wasn't he answer Ryuzaki had expected. 'And why not, exactly?' he asked.

The Shinigami thought about not answering that for a while, but it didn't seem like something that could harm anyone, so he opened his mouth to speak. 'Because you touched the death note before becoming the owner, all memories of the death note will remain, even when ownership is taken.'

'Tell me, is there a way you'll only kill me and not the others?' Ryuzaki asked, in his head hearing the protest Olivia would give if she was in the room.

Rem looked at him, still expressionless. 'If I think it's enough to save Misa, I'll only have to kill you.'

'And protecting Misa Amane includes protecting Light Yagami, even though you don't seem to like him all that much?' Ryuzaki mused.

The Shinigami nodded. 'Yes, it does.'

'Even if Misa would live her life well without Light, you would still kill me?' Ryuzaki tried, almost certain he wouldn't get an answer.

He didn't get an answer.

'Would you still kill me if that meant shortening miss Olivia's lifespan?' Ryuzaki then wondered. A dangerous question to ask. A dangerous thing to assume. But he had to calculate his chances of survival.

He got no verbal answer, but the Shinigami seemed to show some emption. He pressed his lips together, his long claw-like hands become fists and his eyes sharpened. Before Ryuzaki could ask anything else, the white creature left the room.

'I'll take that as a "yes" for now,' Ryuzaki muttered before standing and leaving the room. There was too much to do. He could sleep when his case was closed.

* * *

XxX

Light's new cell had a big window, which was a mirror inside the cell and a window outside the cell, so that the remaining Task Force could observe what was happening in the room. There screens there, meant to show him the evidence we had. To show him what he was, even though he couldn't remember it.

'What do you accomplish by doing that?' I had asked Ryuzaki after he'd explained his plan to me.

'The Light in that room doesn't know he is Kira,' he'd said. 'He is Light Yagami, the honour student. I believe in his judgement. I'm curious about what his judgement will be.' His eyes narrowed. 'And if he'll support when I tell him my plan.'

I hadn't asked anything beyond that, because I was almost certain that Ryuzaki's plan included him dying and that was something I rather not talked about, so I just said 'I see' and went back to my chair around the table, leaving L with his screens. Matsuda was sitting in front of me, he was typing reports, fake reports, to give to Interpol and the Japanese police. The FBI had already given Ryuzaki the permission to do so. The report would be that L captured the man behind Kira, but that he killed himself using his own power. Everything else about the case would be classified. So classified, it wouldn't even exist. All evidence and information would be destroyed. The only ones in the world who would know were the Task Force, the old and the current members, Ryuzaki, possible Light if Ryuzaki went on with his plan, and the head of the FBI. She and Ryuzaki seemed to have quite the friendship, which made me wonder if my theory about Ryuzaki never dating wasn't true. But right now wasn't really the moment to be jealous of the woman who swore she wouldn't even tell her fiancé.

Yagami was standing in the corner, by the counter, near the coffee machine and was looking at the ground. Hell, I was pretty sure I didn't want to know what he was thinking about. What we were about to do was something _I_ wouldn't be able to handle if my kid were involved. _Hey son, you just murdered a bunch of people. I know you don't remember it, so here's a bunch of evidence. Now. What do you suggest we do with you?_

I shook my head, almost laughed. What was up with this messed up situation? 'And I thought I had already left messed up things in my life behind me.'

'What did you say?' Matsuda asked, looking up from his screen.

I faked a smile. 'I was saying _Ryuzaki should really rethink his plan._ '

'Rem won't kill the Task Force because they have orders to let Light go if he does kill me,' Ryuzaki said. He turned around to look at me. 'If you are wise, you'll follow my orders. Then only one has to die if Rem decides to free Light.'

'Why would you waste your life for that? Rem will lose nothing when he kills you then!' I said, suddenly so aware of the Shinigami's eyes in my back. Rem was standing behind me, Ryuk was hovering higher in the room, near the ceiling.

Even though Ryuzaki didn't look at me this time while answering, I could hear in his voice that he had some sort of smirk on his face. 'Because I'm betting on something he _will_ lose when I die.'

* * *

XxX

I wasn't in the room with Ryuzaki as he entered the cell. He'd asked me. He'd asked Yagami. We'd both declined. I had actually expected Yagami to say 'yes', but he had said 'no'. He didn't want to stand there showing his son _why_ he was Kira. I thought he would want to be there, so he could support his son, but I guessed wrong.

Ryuzaki had his hands deeper in his pockets when he entered Light's new cell. 'Hey, Light,' he said dryly. 'How's it going?'

I noticed that Light's eyes became different when he had no memories of being Kira. As I saw this eyes, I wondered why I ever dislike _this_ Light, even thought _this_ Light wasn't trustworthy. If I looked at him now, he looked more like an angel than the 'too perfect to be true'-boy I'd always disliked. I hated myself for wasting time disliking Light when he used to be likably enough. But I must admit that that did make this whole thing easier for me now. Matsuda and Yagami had always trusted him, liked him unconditionally. _They_ were disillusioned. I had just been right.

'I'm sitting in a cell for god knows how many hours without a word and with strange gaps in my memories, but apart from that, I'm doing wonderful, thank you for asking.' Did I hear sarcasm there? Light only used that when he was making jokes, normally, and I was pretty sure he wasn't joking right now. This wasn't the old Light, I then realised. This was the Light that didn't remember being Kira, but he still felt the consequences. The gaps in his memories, being in prison without any explanation. Hell, I'd probably be sitting in the corner rocking back and forward, completely messed up, if I were in his situation.

'Right,' Ryuzaki said. Then he took out the notebook. 'Here's the explanation. Do you know what this is?'

Light looked confused, genuinely confused. He seemed to be having trouble keeping his mask on because of the situation he was in. I liked him more like this. Light reached for the notebook with his hand, but Ryuzaki pulled away. 'I'm sorry, I can't let you touch it. You see, when I do, you become Kira again.'

Light wasn't following. 'Kira _again?_ Ryuuga, what are you talking about?'

'Light Yagami became Kira the day he picked this notebook up and stopped being Kira on the day he gave up ownership of this notebook.' Even though I couldn't see his face, I was almost certain Ryuzaki had an amused smile on his face. 'Let me give you a bit more context.'

* * *

XxX

It took hours, hours before Light finally began to understand. To realise what this meant. He saw the video's we took, saw how Ryuzaki explained every theory he'd had, everything he knew for certain and everything he knew Light had done. He told him about Misa, which seemed to disturb Light as well, as he clearly did remember a bit for her and her existence, and finally, he showed the video of him here in the investigation room, when he started to laugh like a maniac before giving up the notebook.

The twinkling light had left his eyes. His hands had become fists, but relaxed again. Ryuzaki handed him copies of the death note, let him read all the rules. You could clearly see on his face when he realised that Ryuzaki wasn't lying. Light Yagami was Kira. And now he himself knew it, too.

'I-I-I don't know what to say,' he said, almost a whisper. Matsuda had left the room to work on his files a few hours ago, but had come back when he saw the explaining was done on the screens in the investigation room.

Certain his father was there behind the glass, Light looked at the mirror. 'Dad, I-I'm so sorry.'

I never really like Light all that much.

I had never thought ill of the guy, I never do, but I hated it when people put up appearances and pretend like they're something that they're not. With Light, I'd always had a feeling he did that all the time. He had just felt too… perfect. The smart boy who never did anything wrong? It had always confused me. You could never tell what a person like that is thinking, because you don't know who – and what – the person really is.

And yet, when I saw him staring at the glass like this, my heart broke.

I swallowed something heavier than I could ever swallow. 'I need to leave,' I said softly, before working my way out of the room.

* * *

XxX

'Are you alright?' Rem asked as we were walking through the halls, walking past Misa's cell without a second thought.

I shook my head and for a while I thought that would be enough of an answer, but it wasn't, so I spoke. 'Misa needs to get professional help regardless of being the second Kira or not, so I have no problem with setting her free on the condition that she gets the help she needs. She has PTSD and probably ADHA, too. Maybe even more, I don't know. But she needs more support than she has right now. Light, he… he can't get that. He can get freedom, sure, but he didn't become Kira because he wasn't in his right state of mind. Being Kira changed him, but nothing was wrong with him when he _choose_ to become him, so he has to take responsibility. And I just realised that I-I…' I stopped walking, pointed at myself while gasping for air as if I was crying hysterically, which I was not, actually. 'I just realised that I can't look at that. Justice? Is this justice? He doesn't remember making the choice, but that doesn't mean that that boy sitting there made that choice once. So, yes, I get it when Ryuzaki says he needs to be punished. But I can also say that I won't be there in that room watching. When Light goes to prison, it'll be the Light that didn't make the choice. The Light with a cleaner slate than I have and that—' I stopped to gasp for air for a short while before I could finish my sentence more calmly. 'And that is unfair.'

* * *

XxX

'Lock me up,' Light said, staring at the wall instead of the detective in the room.

'Excuse me?' Ryuzaki asked.

'That's why you are telling me all this, right? You are asking me what to do about me. I'm giving you the answer. Lock me up. I am apparently more than capable of being a monster and humanity deserves better than that.' He smiled a small smile, but there was no happiness in that expression.

Ryuzaki took a long pause, longer than he normally would, before saying: 'Thank you, but that's not why I decided to explain your position to you.'

Light looked completely baffled. He was now the one to ask: 'Excuse me?' Then he added. 'What more is there to ask? Do you want to execute me, is that it? Is that what I'm supposed to choose between?'

'No,' Ryuzaki said. 'The past few months my opinion of death has changed. It's not so much justice being served as it is a odd form of closure and mercy. I want to lock Kira up, but you?' He shook his head. 'It's not _you_ I want to look up.' He took out the death note again.

Light started to shake by the mere thought of what he did with that… that _thing_. 'W-w-wait, w-what are you d-doing?' he asked.

'I'm giving you the choice I wanted you to make,' Ryuzaki explained, holding the death note between both thumbs and both index fingers. 'You are going to be locked up, probably for the rest of your life. Now tell me. Do think you need to go prison as Light Yagami, or as Kira?'

Yagami gasped, Matsuda frowned. 'What does he mean, Yagami-san?' Matsuda asked carefully, seeing how his chief started to sweat.

'You are asking me if I should go to prison like this or as the death note's owner,' Light said and he spurted out a short laugh. 'I almost understand any version of myself hating you, you know that?' he said to Ryuzaki before sighing.

'I'm aware. Most humans are perfectly capable of disliking me,' Ryuzaki reacted, not really the reaction Light had expected.

Even though he could've replied to Ryuzaki's words, he decided not to. Instead, Light his sighed again before saying: 'It would be better to punish the criminal who did this, but it would also be more dangerous, since I don't know how mentally stable Kira is.'

'The prison where I'm planning on sending you is strong enough to handle that, believe me,' Ryuzaki mused.

Light closed his eyes for a moment, tried to visualise himself inside a prison cell. Inside a prison. The food, the _smell_ , he didn't even want to think about it. When he opened those eyes again, some of Kira's strength lied within them. 'Send Kira to jail.'

Ryuzaki nodded, slower than he usually would, and stood up. 'I promise to you that I will,' he assured Light before leaving the room. He walked past the room Yagami and Matsuda had been standing in and even though Matsuda came running after the detective, Yagami san kept standing there, staring at his son, who was just staring at the wall with empty eyes. He wondered when he tears would come. He wondered what he should tell his family. He wondered if he ever got to see Light again.

It wasn't too long after that that Watari came into the room with a small plate. 'I have brought some food for the young Yagami boy. Would you perhaps bring it to him?' Watari said. An opportunity, Yagami realised. To see his son, speak to his son, before he would become the owner of the death note again. Before his son would be Kira _again._ Yagami took the plate. 'Damn that freaking notebook,' he muttered before Watari opened the door to Light's cell and let the chief in to see his son for what he was one last time.

* * *

XxX

I didn't watch the screens in the investigation room. I didn't. Tried not to. But when some of them turned black all of the sudden, I couldn't help but notice.

I frowned and walked over to the screens. 'What the—'

'I decided some privacy between son and father was the least I could do to atone for my sins,' Ryuzaki said as he slowly came walking down the stairs.

I looked at him as he walked, having a million questions I didn't need an answer to. So I just said: 'I see.'

'But I was wondering,' he said as he closed in on me, way too close. I could actually smell his breath, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but in this situation, it definitely was. 'What are your sins, Allison Severs?'

Using my real name now, right, that was disturbing now, for some reason. 'Could you move?' I asked, trying to force myself away from his presence.

He grabbed my wrists. 'Watari called me to tell me about the conversation you had with Rem fifty-two minutes ago. You said Light Yagami's slate was cleaner than your own. But your record doesn't say anything that would detest to that. You are hiding something, something even the law does not know.'

I wanted to leave, but he had me trapped.

'So a young girl gets abducted by a group of criminals, who are part of a bigger network of criminals. You were the bosses pet, the investigator said. Your parents didn't want you back after you'd been found, for some reason.' He was pushing me back now, against the panel under the screens, so I really had nowhere to go. 'So what _did_ you do, Miss Severs?'

I almost bit my tongue off. ' _Never_ call me that,' I bit, even though I was in no position to give orders right now.

Ryuzaki seemed to realise then what it was he was doing, to some extent, at least. Didn't mean he would stop. 'What have you been hiding from me these past few months?' he asked, now it sounded more like something a friend would ask, not a detective.

'I didn't kill anyone, let's start with that,' I slowly said. 'But I did…' I bit my tongue. Couldn't say it. Couldn't even tell him the things that happened.

'You were drugged, Olivia,' using my current name again, now, okay then, 'there isn't much behaviour that wouldn't be an understandable reaction of—'

'I loved him.'

Dead silence. His hands even fell off my wrists. And even though I was mostly free right now, I didn't stop moving. Because I had never said these words out loud. And when they finally did come out, they wouldn't stop. 'I don't know why or how, maybe because my parents were crappy, but I honest to god cannot remember, but I _wanted_ to stay there, for so long I- I wasn't _happy,_ but I wasn't unhappy. I liked... I liked his attention, his gifts. His endless, endless bragging about me.' I was surprised I wasn't crying. 'I even protected them. Stayed with them when I could've left, never shouted or screamed when we were in public, never tried to contact the police. Not because I had no one else left in the world, not because he was threatening my parents, but _because I wanted to._ '

Ryuzaki wasn't looking at me anymore, he turned away, hands deep in his pockets and head even lower than usual. 'When did that change?' he asked me.

'When I became old enough,' I answered. He wouldn't understand how much was behind that one sentence. 'I wanted his attention and his gifts. Not his breath in my ear or his hands in my hair. I only realised where I was when I was old enough and the men there started to realise that that child pet of the boss was actually quite hot.' I felt my skin getting hot, rats all over my body. But I was still there, with Ryuzaki. Not in the past, not in the flashbacks. Maybe all those doctors had been right, I should talk about what happened. But not with them. Too ashamed to admit to a stranger that I stayed by their side. Like a victim. Like a helper. Like a spoiled brat.

But Ryuzaki didn't like criminals. I knew that even him, who I trusted enough to tell this, he… he wouldn't understand, he could never understand. He shouldn't understand. I was a messed up person who liked the attention more than the abuse. Enough to stay. Until the attention became less and the abuse became more. And worse. Ryuzaki probably found me disgusti—

Ryuzaki had put his hands on my shoulders and pulled me against him in less than three seconds. 'It's okay, it's not abnormal per se. It's okay.'

As if I needed someone to tell me that. 'He loved my hair so much,' I such against his shirt. 'My hair has never been its own colour ever since.'

It was meant to be a small joke and even though Ryuzaki chuckled a little, I was pretty sure it was faked.

I don't think we would've let go any time soon if only Matsuda hadn't walked in. 'I'm sorry, am I ruining a moment?' he asked.

Ryuzaki let go of me. 'No, not at all,' he said, not really sounding like he was lying.

'Yes, you totally were,' I said, not really sounding like I was lying.

And even though I purposely looked away from Ryuzaki, I hoped that he could at least smile a bit at that.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Chapter done! Almost in one day XD Half an hour until it's Saturday here!**

 **I actually feel like this chapter was both too long and too short. Anyway, it's good enough, I'm going to bed. Bye bye!**

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 **XxX**

 **(I'm sorry, but I'm really tired, so I won't reply to reviews today. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow and then update the chapter, idk. For now, I'm just going to sleep.)**


	26. Books & Airplanes

**I'm insane. Why am I back? I'm in the middle of my finals! Didn't make my Dutch final so well, which is a shame, but hell, who cares, I made it, handed it in, nothing to be done about it. Still have a week more to go. I won't update next Friday, that's for sure, because I have my last final and then I get in a car to France almost immediately after to stay with my grandmother, but I'll make sure to update that weekend if the WiFi in her house decides to work xD and then my updates will be a bit more random, because that's when vacation starts for me! So yeah, then I won't be sure** ** _when_** **I'll be posting, because I'll probably be writing more than one chapter every weekend, but I keep that up I think, because I like having a schedule. And even though I know exactly how this story is going to go, I'm still not sure how many chapters are left until it's finished! It's so weird, I can't tell at all.**

 **Ah, on another note, as everyone probably has noticed, Rem in my story is male. I know that most people say Rem is female, I am well aware, but for me – I don't know why, blame bad translating or the Death Note Live Action Movies – Rem has always been male. That's the way I read the manga and even the way I saw the anime, while knowing that Rem is a female. But in this story, Rem is male, because hey, this is fanfictions and to me, I always imagined Rem as a male, so I decided to keep with what felt familiar to me, but it's kind of different? I don't really see Shinigami as male of female being I just see them as supernatural creatures, but yes, I do refer to Rem as a male, so I should count it. And I do not mean to insult or annoy anyone with that, but that happens. When I was reading the manga, I also thought for a short while that Mello or Near (it was one of the two, but can't remember which one) was female, so hey, just balancing the scales a bit. Anyway, I found this important to explain, so now I did. Wow, this intro has been going in for** ** _way_** **too long, so let's get to the chapter, shall we?**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **26\. Books & Airplanes**

I never understood how some of L's cases got solved, but never explained. Who did it? Sometimes we had no idea. Which either meant that the person was dead or there was some special reason to keep them hidden.

With Light, it was kind of both. Kira was gone. Not dead, but this Light wasn't Kira. He didn't deserve the public shaming. And even though Light didn't seem to mind, Yagami did. And it was a noble decision to make. Light would not be stated as Kira. And of course, who would believe us? Shinigami's descending from whatever world they came from, leaving notes with a deadly power that drove people to insanity? No, nobody would believe us, not really. The messages were already out. L solved the Kira case. Immediately the number of crimes started to rise, first slowly, but then rapidly as the criminals realised that no one would be killed anymore. The rest of the world just kind of… forgot. It became a cool story, something odd that happened. People still speculated about what could have happened, had it really been a person, or a supernatural source? They would never know, that would be their reality.

Ours was… quite different.

'I understand,' Ryuzaki said slowly. 'But I would suggest waiting until your son has been officially imprisoned. You never know what will happen and it would be difficult to explain why a dead son is still alive.'

Yagami nodded, already content enough that he could tell his family that Light had been killed by Kira. That's how he wanted them to remember him. How they should remember him.

Light now being the kind sensible Light, was sitting with us at the table, but with a safeguard in place. Ryuzaki had cuffed himself to Light, just to be sure. Which meant that there weren't any one-on-one conversations between me and Ryuzaki anymore. 'I don't think I would be able to go to back to my ordinary life, not after knowing what I did.' Even though he couldn't see Rem, his eyes seemed to search for him. 'Which means that Misa will lose me either way.'

Ah, yes. Ryuzaki hadn't planned on telling that part of the story to Light, but Matsuda and his airhead forgot and told him anyway. Kira would be thrilled to hear this news, Light seemed almost disturbed. I wasn't sure if it was the 'Misa'-part of the story that disturbed him, or the 'L will die'-part, though.

Ryuzaki decided to ignore Light's remark. 'We'll leave this afternoon with a private jet. Me and Light shall be handcuffed to the airport and in the jet, but at the airport in can cause unnecessary attention, so I'll ask you all to just keep an eye out for Light.' He didn't seem to care that the boy he was talking about was sitting _right there._

I wasn't sure if Ryuzaki would give me chance to talk to him later, so I said it now. 'Ryuzaki, I don't even know if I'm allowed to go to the US, doesn't that clash with my witness protection program?'

Light was the only one who looked completely lost and confused. The other knew now, they had gained access to my report once I was locked up for being the second Kira.

Ryuzaki smiled faintly. 'I took care of all the travel documents, that included,' he assured me, before sighing. 'We will be there for only two days, so don't pack too much. And tell no one where you are going. Not your family, not your best friend, not some random person on the street.' He glanced over at Matsuda when he said that last one. Then he added: 'Even if it's just the location, or the country, for that matter, it can be dangerous. The FBI is letting us inside one of their buildings and that should not be taken lightly. Understood?'

We all nodded, Matsuda found it important to add 'yes, sir!', which caused Yagami to sigh.

Ryuzaki closed his eyes for about one second before opening them and looking at no one in particular. 'Then you are excused for now. We meet at eleven in front of the door.'

Matsuda stood first, the Yagami, both reported that they were going home to gather their luggage, Yagami added he would prepare a suitcase for Light. I stood, too, ready to go to my room to pack for myself, Ryuzaki had given me a small, shining grey suitcase, but Ryuzaki stopped me.

'I would like for you to stay a bit, Olivia,' he said, his choice of words forced and not like him.

Which immediately made me want to be on guard. 'What?' I asked carefully.

Watari came in as if on commando and handed Ryuzaki the key to the handcuffs. Ryuzaki opened them and removed them from his hands, giving the key back to Watari.

Not I knew what he wanted to do, so I back away a little. 'W-w-why?' I asked. 'What are you doing.' I backed away even more, but then I hit a wall and cursed.

Ryuzaki came closer, pulling the handcuffs – and so Light – with him. 'I need to take care of some business and I would like to do with in private, so I ask of you to take care of Light for a while. I can detest to the fact that he is quite harmless.'

I shook my hand in front of my face. 'No way, Ryuzaki! I need to pack, too!'

He was already the hand I was waving in front of my face and began putting the handcuff on. 'Well, you can do that later.' With a _click_ the handcuff closed.

'Ryuzaki!' I brought up my now chained hand to slap him, but he grabbed it.

With a faint smile he said: 'I won't be slapped again.' I heard it in his voice, that that had some hidden meaning, but I didn't get it, which made me feel rather stupid.

Ryuzaki put his hands in his pockets then and left the room, together with Watari. Then, just a few second later, the familiar voice of the building's security system said: ' _Doors locked._ '

Ah, fudge. 'Really!' I stormed to the door, but even though it was an automatic door, it refused to open. 'So handcuffs wasn't enough!' I shouted at the microphone in the corner of the room, even though I knew that Ryuzaki wasn't listening. 'You have to actually lock us up, too? Shit,' I cursed again. Then I looked back at Light, who was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. 'No offense,' I said to him with a faint smile.

He gave me a smile back, but it was forced and looked worn out. 'None taken,' he said as he walked back to his chair, pulling me back a bit.

I felt guilty as I said in the chair closest to him, although I didn't know precisely why. Because I had thought so badly about him? In the end, I had been right, though. But this man, no, this kid, this teenager, was going to be locked up for something he didn't do. _No,_ I reminded myself. We would take the death notes with us and make sure that he touched one before being locked up. Our version of mercy. We lock the monster up, not Light. But Light, well, that monster once was Light, so was there really a difference?

My thoughts were interrupted by a soft chuckle.

I looked at Light, looking just a tiny bit annoyed. 'What?' I asked.

'You looked like you were having some weird thought just now,' he said, giving me a more sincere smile than ever.

Which made me wonder… 'Light, can I ask you a question?'

The mask slipped over his face, he was on guard now. 'About what?'

And instead of saying what I wanted to say, I let these words slip out of my mouth: 'Wow, wow, calm down. I just want to ask you something, no need to get so defensive.'

Now his face seemed even _more_ on guard. 'You have always been able to sense it, haven't you?' he then asked.

'Huh?' I asked, not following. The, I got it. 'Ah, well…maybe?' I smiled awkwardly. Boy, this situation was weird. 'I always felt like you were putting on a show or something. That was actually what I wanted to ask you about. You seem… less forced now.'

Light's face went thoughtful, and he made a soft 'mmm' sound before answering. 'Well, I guess… In a way, it seems hardly necessary now. Putting up a perfect appearance for the perfect future and the perfect life.' Another worn out smile played on his lips. 'It's all useless now.'

For some reason, _I_ was the one that was saddened by those words. 'I like you better like this,' I said in all honesty. 'I wish I had realised sooner that you weren't bad at all.'

The smile faded. 'Before I was, you mean.'

I didn't want to answer that, so I just kept quiet.

Light was the one who decided to change the subject. 'So,' he began slowly. 'You and Ryuzaki, huh?'

Because I panicked, I rapidly asked: 'How did you know?'

Light laughed before I could realise what I'd just said. 'I didn't have to. You just told me.'

My cheeks felt hot and I couldn't look at his face. 'I didn't say anything,' I murmured. Then I added, a bit louder: 'Nothing happened, really.'

Light remained silent. When I had the courage to look at him, he had a thoughtful expression on his face. 'I've always been able to keep my emotions under control pretty easily,' he then said, looking at me, looking calm, almost as if he was at peace. 'Another thing that came with that, is I can pick up on emotions easily.' He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair a bit. 'Ryuzaki is harder to understand, but you? You have always been an open book to me.'

I wasn't sure what to say about that. 'I'm not sure how I feel about that,' I admitted after a short silence.

Light shrugged. 'You can do with that what you want, I was curious and I think your answer was enough.' He looked at me with a look that he had never given me before. ' _It's complicated_ , right?'

And because I didn't know what else to say and hey, it was a nice flee-route, I said: 'I guess, yes.'

The silence was back. I sighed, but that didn't help much either. 'Whatever I think about Ryuzaki,' I said after a long while, not completely believing that I was actually having this conversation with Light, of all people, 'Ryuzaki isn't the type to have people around him. He is, in a way, a lonely hobo.'

That made Light laugh, but he looked to sad and the laugh was too slow and tired-sounding to be sincere. ' _All great and precious things are lonely,_ ' Light then said. Then he added: 'John Steinbeck, I believe it was in _East of the Eden_ , but it could also be _Of Mice and Men._ '

I gave him a little push. 'As if you don't know,' I said teasingly. 'I bet you even know the chapter, no, the very page that quote was on.' Light was a genius, after all. And yes, this subject was more comfortable. ' _Of Mice and Men_?' I said, switching to English only for the translation of the title, then back to Japanese. 'I've heard of that one. Never read it, though.'

Then, Light said: 'You can have my copy.' As I studied his face, curious by the sudden gift, he closed his eyes. 'Not as if I'm going to need that old book one day.'

There was a long silence, a silence that I was supposed to fill, but I didn't know how. Talking with Light like this was awkward, because he wasn't putting in the usual effort. Normally, a conversation with Light was a perfect conversation, just because that was who he was. But now? It was forced and sloppy. More like… More like a conversation between me and Ryuzaki. 'Are you sure?' I asked after the silence became too much to bare.

He opened his eyes to look at me. 'I'll make sure to tell my father.'

Another silence. Then I decided to return the favour. 'I'll make sure to write you a letter about what I thought of it once I finished it.'

An empty promise. We both knew Light would no longer be there once I finished that book. And would Kira really be interested in my opinion.

Light smiled, nodded and closed his eyes again. He looked like was wanted to sleep and yes, he did look like he needed it. Not surprising. I would be tired, too, if I spent my days handcuffed to an insomniac. 'Your hair,' he said after a silence so long I thought he had fallen asleep.

'Hm?' I said, softly, because he already sounded half asleep. As he said it, though, I found myself touching my blue strands. I hadn't dyed it for a while, but still, the majority of my hair was still blue, so I guessed he was talking about that.

'I hate it,' he said with a teasing smile before completely falling asleep.

And even though I would never be sure if those words were true or not, those were some of the most sincere words he'd ever spoken to me.

* * *

XxX

Ryuzaki was back within an hour, but my body was sore because I had been sitting still in an attempt to not wake Light up. Which I succeeded in magnificently, as a matter of fact.

I was sent to my room to pack after that and Ryuzaki didn't come to talk to me. Just how I didn't come to talk to him. I wondered if Light would ask Ryuzaki about me. I wondered what Ryuzaki would answer. And then I wondered why I was caring about that at all now, right now, at a time when I really shouldn't. There were other things, more important things.

'We are leaving tonight, yes?' Rem asked me.

And for some reason, that guy started to annoy me more and more each day. Most probably because his presence meant Ryuzaki's possible death. 'If you'd paid more attention, you would've known for sure,' I said. Then I added: 'Not that it matters, because you'll be following me anyway.' I threw my pyjama in the suitcase. 'Or are you going to kill L _before_ we can leave?'

Rem was silent. 'Maybe I won't,' he then said.

I turned around. 'Excuse me?' I asked.

'Maybe I won't,' he repeated. 'If Misa's lifespan doesn't decrease, I shouldn't have to.'

I turned around to look at the white Shinigami 'Misa is not coming with us, though,' I said, confused.

Now Rem was the one who looked confused. 'What?'

I rolled my eyes. 'Do you really not pay attention? Misa has been transferred to a mental institution. She follows lessons there and gets a lot of attention. She can even continue to sing. From what I've picked up, her fans support her. After all, they think she's there because of her family's deaths and the stress that comes with being an international star. She'll remain there until the doctors say it's okay.'

Rem looked actually surprised, which confused me. Had he really not known? Had he not paid attention? What had he been so busy with, that he hadn't noticed? 'Rem?' I asked carefully.

Rem backed away a bit. He opened his mouth to say something, but then shut his mouth and left the room. Something was off. Something wasn't right. What was going on?

 _"_ _Another thing that came with that, is I can pick up on emotions easily,"_ Light had said earlier this day. If only I could, that would've made everything so much easier for me.

* * *

XxX

'Matsuda, can you please, please, please, stop playing with the chair?' I asked as Matsuda put his chair forward for the fifth time.

Airplane seats weren't normally as luxurious, but I hadn't expected Matsuda to play with the seats. 'I'm not playing,' Matsuda said, 'I think it's broken.'

'Jesus Christ.' I unbuckled my seatbelt. I leaned over to his chair, pulling his hands off the handle. 'Let me,' I said.

It took three seconds, then I realised that this position, hovering over Matsuda, with his breath in my ear, must look very weird for the other. Before I could pull away, however, hands pushed mine away. 'Let me,' Ryuzaki said, sounding oddly annoyed.

I heard Light chuckle and as I sat back in my chair, I could see him staring at Ryuzaki with his head slightly tilted to the side. When he saw me looking, he shrugged, as if I knew exactly what that was supposed to mean. I didn't.

The jet was so small that Ryuzaki would walk through almost the whole jet without unlocking the handcuffs, so the cuffs were now an obstacle in the pathway. 'Don't touch the handle,' Ryuzaki ordered after he'd fixed Matsuda's seat and went back to sit own.

'How long is the flight?' Yagami asked.

'Around ten hours,' Light answered, probably knowing that not because he paid attention at the airport, but because he calculated it. Geniuses were frustrating sometime.

'We should all get some sleep,' Yagami suggested.

'Agreed,' Ryuzaki answered, but he had his laptop in front of him and didn't look like he was going to stop and rest soon. I think with 'agreed' he meant that we should all go to sleep. He would stay up the whole flight.

Rem wasn't in the jet with us. Maybe he was afraid of flying, maybe it went to fast. I'd already noticed that the Shinigami's tied to the owners of the death note had some sort of freedom. For example, Ryuk wasn't here either. But he clung to Ryuzaki way more than Rem clung to me. And he talked a lot more. I wondered what kind of conversations Ryuk and Ryuzaki had had when I hadn't been around.

Matsuda was the first who fell asleep, after that, Light closed his eyes and dozed off, too. I tried after that, really I did, but the only memory I had on a plane was when I went to Japan for the first time and because of that, and the memories that could possibly come with it, I didn't think I would sleep very soundly. But my eyes were closed, so I knew that Yagami thought that I was asleep when he said: 'She's still so young.'

He'd said it almost like a whisper, too afraid to wake any of us up. I knew that I shouldn't keep faking sleep, but I wanted to hear if he was talking about me. I wanted to hear if Ryuzaki was going to react. I was selfish like that, sometimes.

'She's Light's age, but already she has had more misery than me,' Yagami added when Ryuzaki didn't say anything, which confirmed that he was talking about me.

'I think you two both have had your fair share,' Ryuzaki said. 'But life isn't fair and it isn't fair to look at life as such.'

'Did you hurt her?' Yagami asked suddenly, asking what he probably had wanted to ask from the very beginning. 'No, are you _going_ to hurt her?'

A silence. 'Probably,' Ryuzaki said after a while. 'Depending on the circumstances, I'd say probably. Around seventy-eight percent, actually.'

A long, deep sigh. Yagami sounded really old all of the sudden. 'I suppose that's not something I can protect her from.'

'It's not your job to protect her. She has a guardian and she has herself. She is one of the strongest creatures I've met,' he said, 'although a bit… unpredictable.'

I knew exactly what he was talking about. Our kiss. Or kisses, I should say. Looking back on it now, it seemed like a stupid thing to do. But I'd wanted to, by god, I had wanted to so badly. Curiosity was one of the biggest factors, matched with a desire that I hadn't realised was there yet. And a much bigger, deeper feeling that left me gasping for air and still scared me.

'She seems to love you a lot,' Yagami said, and I couldn't help but notice the word 'love'. Not 'like'. Not 'admire'. _Love._ Was I really an open book, like Light had said? Really?

'Hm,' was Ryuzaki's only reaction.

'What? You don't believe me?' Yagami asked.

'Oh, I believe you more than most people,' Ryuzaki said in all honesty. 'I just think that whatever miss Upson is experiencing now, is a teenage crush. It will fade soon.'

I tried not to frown. Was that what he thought? That would mean that kissing me was like taking advantage of me. Not a very Ryuzaki-thing to do. So, did he really believing that?

'So, you don't love her? Not even a little but?' Yagami asked him, sounding seriously troubled now.

'Hmm,' Ryuzaki mused and I could almost see the face he was pulling. That cute thoughtful face where he looked up to the ceiling. 'I suppose the correct response would be that I do love her,' he said slowly and my heart began to sank. That sounded like the beginning of a 'no'. 'But the only thing I can say for sure if that I'm not quite sure on that department.'

It wasn't a 'no'. But it wasn't a 'yes' either. It was a 'I don't know'. I wasn't sure how to feel about that, but at least my sunken heart didn't break. I was okay. Maybe because I knew that maybe in these next few days, he would be gone. But even after that, he wasn't going to stay around for me and I knew that he wasn't going to bring me with him, so what difference would it make? Whether he loved me or not, we would be separated anyway. So what was there to know? Whatever was the case, rejection was unavoidable.

Yagami sighed again. 'I understand. Thank you for telling me honestly.'

It took another long silence before Ryuzaki said: 'Thank you for listening.'

And those four words _did_ break my heart. Because it hadn't been a forced compliment, it hadn't been something that he had to say. It was something that he thought, something he decided to say out loud. Now I wish I had really been asleep, so this moment would've been really pure. But I was almost certain that Light wasn't asleep and maybe even Matsuda had woken up, so had this been a private moment? Probably not. And Ryuzaki could probably tell whether we were sleeping or not, because of our breathing patterns or something, so this moment meant nothing. Still, those four words calmed me down and I was able to fall asleep with my head filled with those four words. _Thank you for listening._ Who was going to listen to him once this case was fully closed?

* * *

 **XxX**

 **That's everything for this chapter! I'm actually really nervous for the next chapter and this chapter made me nervous, too. I haven't really written much scenes with Light in it, so I wasn't really able to grasp his personality.**

 **Ah well, hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! See you next time!**

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 **XxX**

 ** _I'm replying to reviews from both chapter 24 and chapter 25, because I didn't reply last time._**

 **bored411: I have updated! And sooner than I thought I would. Hahaha, I'm crazy. xD**

 **DevilsTune: Thank you! I always try to make my characters as fleshed out as possible, but it can be difficult sometimes. And thank you for pointing that out, I'm going to try and keep that in mind, but I'm quite the airhead, so forgive me if I keep messing up ;)**

 **Mlle Colza: hihi, your review made me very happy! I still haven't really had the time to think about the translating, but I do trust you, I think you can do a fantastic job! I'll message you again after my exams with a final answer. And with fanfiction like this, I always have that, too, that I find it an odd idea that L come that close to a person so I tried to hold it off as long as I could, but even though I knew in the story, it would be the best timing for Allison, maybe I didn't considering the timing for L enough… And whether or not they'll both be saved, I won't tell (insert evil laugh here), but I'll tell you that I am a sucker for good endings. And yes, Allison is distant from everybody and close to L, that was the contrast I was trying to creature. She has an age gap with the Task Force members, for one, but she's also a girl who never really wants to get close to anyone. L is different, she admired him for so long and now he's there. I think if I had the chance to meet my favourite actor or something, I would want to be as close as possible with him as well xD**

 **MichaelisHearts: Hahahaha, I understand so well! There was a time when, before reading a death note fanfic, I always read the last chapter to assure that L was still alive xD, but since this story isn't finished yet, you can't do that, so I'll just say that I'm a sucker for happy endings and leave it at that. And pssh, who needs sleep when you have fandoms, right? ;)**

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 **XxX**


	27. How to Kill a Shinigami

**I'm back again! I'm actually surprised at myself; I haven't been gone that much at all. Weird, you'd think that I would freak out and stop writing for a while, but I didn't really. Anyway, I am in France this week and upcoming weekend will be a busy one, but I think I'll have time to write. I always make time to write.**

 **And I have a little Sherlock reference in this chapter, because I wanted to and I love the line I have put in this chapter.**

 **And I actually regret something. I don't really have that much Watari in this story, not much as I'd initially wanted, but he would be mostly filler and I always decide to go on with the story and that's why he hasn't had that much time spent to him. That's something I regret, but I don't think I'll fix it. What's done is done.**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **27\. How to Kill a Shinigami**

We were greeted by about twenty FBI agents. When I asked Ryuzaki whether they could be trusted, he gave me a look that made me feel rather stupid. As we walked down the stairs, he took the time to lean in to me and whisper: 'Naturally not. They spy on people for money.' Which he must've thought was enough of an explanation. And yes, it was, but it also made me wonder why in heavens he would trust _us._ Well, he probably didn't, anyway.

We didn't have to go through the usual steps you have to take after landing. The agents checked out passports and put us in a van after that, Light was put in another van with a lot more agents than we. I decided to not put any question marks there.

Where the building was and what it looked like, we would never know. The driver's seat was completely cut off from our sight and there were no windows in the back. Ryuzaki seemed to rather like that, but that made sense, because I didn't think he liked the sunlight all that much. I should've asked Watari about vitamin pills or something, because I doubted Ryuzaki got all the vitamins he needed.

 _Are you his mother?_ my brain sneered, but I decided to ignore it. Instead, I stared at the floor. My shoes looked strangely out of place in this van. They were the shoes that a teenager would wear, not a police agent. I wondered what the FBI agents thought of me. They were probably laughing behind my back.

When we jumped out of the fan, we were in a gigantic garage, completely filled with the same black cars and the same black vans. It looked like a movie set. It looked almost funny.

I looked over at the other van, they were taking out Light and bringing him upstairs separately from us. I knew that we would have a secret trial within this building and I had never really been in a trial before. I mean, I had been part of a trial when I was freed from the gangster group, but I was still a child back then. I testified before the trial took place and wasn't there during the trial, it had been a closed off trial, anyway. No children. This seemed similar, only now I _would_ be there.

I noticed that Ryuzaki remained behind us when he walked, almost as if he wanted to show that he wasn't really a part of our team. Matsuda pointed it out to me, but of course I had already noticed. I always noticed Ryuzaki, what he was doing, I couldn't help it.

Rem and Ryuk were there, too. Even further back than Ryuzaki. Rem was completely silent, but Ryuk was loud. Asking question that no one was answering and making remarks that no one was really listening to.

We ended up sitting in a sort of waiting room, it reminded me of a waiting room in a hospital, anyway. Matsuda was nervously tripling with his feet and I put a hand on his leg when it became too annoying. Ryuzaki was sitting on a chair in front of me, staring at the floor and nibbling on the nail of his thumb. I wanted to say that that was a bad habit, but I wasn't his mother, so I said nothing. The agent who was standing in front of the door was looking at me funny.

Yagami was inside, he was testifying separately, as we all would. I didn't understand why we couldn't do this separately all at the same time, they didn't seem short on staff, but I didn't ask. Actually, I was quite sure that I hadn't really said a thing since walking into this building.

Matsuda was after Yagami, Yagami kept walking up and down the hallway until the agents asked if he would kindly sit down. After Matsuda, who didn't take long, probably because Matsuda didn't really remember much, it was my turn and I took longer than the others. My story was longer, more complicated. Then one of the two agents across of the table said to me: 'You have given a false confession. We will see this through the fingers this once, because of the circumstances, but next time you think about doing anything illegal, we will be watching.'

They probably thought that sounded scary, but it sounded more reassuring to me. Great, someone would watch me. I doubted Ryuzaki was going to do that. _I bet he's gone the moment this is all gone._ I didn't want to think about it.

When I was done and Ryuzaki stood to go in, I grabbed my phone and wanted to call Sanami, but the agent by the door said that cell phones weren't allowed, so I put it away again. He pointed me to an office where I could call, where a seemingly bored woman was sitting. She handed me the phone, but stayed there, monitoring every move I made. No wonder Ryuzaki liked to work with the FBI. They were both freaking paranoid.

' _Hello?_ ' Sanami mused and I realised that I had absolutely no clue what the time was, either in Japan or here.

'Hey Sanami,' I said, giving the woman a look. Even though I was speaking Japanese, she still looked like she understood everything. Kind of weird. Kind of cool, too. 'I call you to let you know I won't be home for a while, something came up with work.' I breathed in. 'And I wanted to let you know I am moving out soon.'

I had enough money. I could be independent. I didn't want to live under the same roof as anyone for a while. I could go to the countryside, maybe hack into some highly secured sited and then call them and ask for money to solve the hole in their security. I had thought about doing something like that before, a long while ago, but back then I wanted to work with the police too badly. Now, working with the police seemed like a joke.

' _Oh,_ ' was Sanami's reaction. ' _I-I mean… I understand if you want to, you're old enough now, I think._ ' She'd always thought I was old enough for that. ' _You'll let me see you before you go, right?_ '

I breathed out. 'Of course. Of course.' Was Sanami afraid of that? That one day, I would just be gone without a word? I always thought she didn't really care what I was doing, it seemed like I was wrong.

I heard someone shout Sanami's name over the phone and I immediately realised what I was interrupting. 'I'll let you go back to your life now,' I announced, saying it like I was the one that ruined her life.

' _Oh. Yes,_ ' Sanami still sounded confused. ' _Call me soon, okay?_ ' There was a hint of worry in her voice then.

I felt tears in my eyes, not sure why. I didn't really feel like there was a reason for me to be sad right now. I felt like I wasn't really losing anything. Not anything I ever actually had, anyway. Light had never been my friend and Matsuda and Yagami, well important to me in some way, had always seemed far away, like they were in a completely different world. Ryuzaki had seemed much closer, but I felt like he himself thought I was actually much further away. I never really _had_ Ryuzaki in my life. That wasn't a real life, hell, it wasn't even his real name. I couldn't _have_ L in my real life, I wasn't even sure how. Could apply as his assistant? Would he let me? He thought I was stupid half of the time. And he had Watari. And he probably didn't trust me, which was another reason to _not_ keep me around.

I hung up, sure that Sanami had already done so. The woman took the phone from me, not worried by the empty expression on my face. She probably didn't really care. Of course not, she didn't even know me.

* * *

XxX

Ryuzaki doesn't sit with us during the trial. It's not really a trial, anyhow. We just scan through the facts. Nothing is said that we didn't already now. The judge touches the death notes for the sake of the case, but doesn't seem that bothered by the presence of the two creatures in the room. He is cool, calm and surprisingly understanding of the situation.

Light gets a life sentence. Not a death sentence, to my relieve, but a life sentence seemed pretty bad, too. Light doesn't really react, he hasn't talked at all since coming here, either. He just nods or shake his hands or sighs. He sighed a lot.

After the trial, Light is taken away, probably being prepared for prison. That's when Ryuzaki came to us. 'He will be held in a temporary cell, where one of us must let him touch the notebook.'

'Not me,' Yagami almost begged. I understood. He didn't want to look into his sons eyes as his son changed into a monster.

'I'd rather… not,' Matsuda admitted. He seemed scared, nervous. He'd been that way the whole time, so it wasn't really a change.

Ryuzaki looked at me and I tried to think. Ryuzaki could do it. It would be easy, the two would end it together. But Ryuzaki had called Light his first and only friend and for some reason, I felt like it was a bad idea to let Ryuzaki do it.

I straightened myself. 'I'll do it.'

* * *

XxX

The temporary cell was small, empty. Light was handcuffed, but loosely, he could move his arms quite freely. There were four agents who would go into the cell with me, and eight behind the door. Matsuda and Yagami were there, but Yagami wasn't looking. Ryuzaki was standing behind the four agents that went into the room with me, but I knew he wouldn't come with me.

One of the agents opened the door and as I walked in, Light snapped his head up. He looked bad already. Hopeless. But he saw the notebook in my hand and seemed to relax a bit. 'If I'd known you were the one to do it, I would've dressed better,' he joked. The prison uniform didn't look good on him. Probably because this Light didn't look like a criminal. Even like this, he looked like a model student.

I stepped forward, Light was leaning against the back wall, but straightened himself, eyeing the death note. I gave Light the death note and even though my fingers were there, I wasn't holding to anymore. 'Ready!' I shouted to Ryuzaki.

'I give up my ownership of the death note,' Ryuzaki declared, I could hear him, which meant that the door wasn't closed. Or Ryuzaki was in the room with me. I didn't want to look away from the death note in Light's hands to check, though, so I didn't.

Light's head dropped and I snatched the death note away from him, handing it to one of the agents. I should've left after that, but I couldn't help but feel sorry. 'I'm sorry this happened to you,' I said to him and I wanted to turn around, but then Light's hand snapped forward and grabbed me, pulled me towards him.

I was now turned to the door, so I could see how it snapped completely open, all the agents came in, guns pointed at Light.

 _No,_ I thought, not Light _. Kira._

Kira laughed, one of his arms was wrapped around my waist and he pulled me so close to him that I could smell him and feel his breath somewhere above my ear. The other hand still held my wrist. 'Ooh, you guys are stupid. Are you going to shoot me? I am in a bulletproof prison cell and I'm holding an – almost completely – innocent person. You're not going to shoot me, the chance of hitting her is too big!' He laughed again. Then he pulled my face back so I could look at him and even though I tried to stay calm, I felt the panic and anger. _Bastard._ 'It's a shame, really. I really liked you from time to time. But this isn't anything personal, Olivia.' He let go of my face, turned to the greatest detective alive, who was staring at Kira and the girl he was holding. 'Hey Ryuzaki,' Kira then said, 'who'd known that you were the king of the chess game all along? I always thought you were the queen. Moving freely as much as you wanted, in every direction you damn well please.' The hand that had been on my face crept to my neck, where my heart was beating manically. I tried to pull free, but just one pull from Kira told me that that wasn't going to happen. 'Who knew you _had_ a queen all along?' His laugh was so loud in my ear that I flinched.

I stared at Ryuzaki and he looked… angry. As if he couldn't believe what Kira was doing, as if it was a low thing to do, even for him.

The hand around my waist also came to my neck and he started to push. _No,_ I realised. He wasn't pushing. _He's trying to choke me._ 'Did you think I didn't notice?' he asked amused. 'Do you really think I am that _stupid_?'

Breathing became more and more impossible the more Kira was trying to force the life out of me. My hand went up in an attempt to bring him down, but the attempt had been too late, by brain was too occupied with dying to make any good calculated move. And Light had always been much, much more stronger than I was.

Then Kira turned to the agents that was holding the death note. 'Go one then, write my name. She's going to die if this goes on like this, you know.' He laughed again, but the agent didn't move. They had been ordered to never use the notebooks. I had been there. Light had been there, too. 'Hey Ryuzaki, why don't you tell her everything now? You might not be able to later!' Kira said, but my brain couldn't focus on his words.

I started to see blurry and I tried to focus on Ryuzaki's face. Well, hell, I was going to die before him, then, like I'd always hoped I would. But like this? Nope, that was something I hadn't expected to happen. _What a stupid way of dying,_ I thought. _Not at all heroic._

I could see Ryuzaki's face looking more than angry now. Worry. Worry and… something else. I wasn't sure what. He'd never looked like this before. 'Let her go, Light.'

Light – Kira – laughed again. 'Rem, Ryuk!' he shouted, although I knew he could only see Ryuk. 'Can you see her lifespan creeping down and down and down?' He laughed again. 'Maybe Kira lost, but that doesn't mean I won't take anyone with me!' he spat. 'You have to lose something too, Ryuzaki! So… how about your queen?'

Black spots started to appear as he pushed harder now, now clearly with full force. _I'm dying._ It felt painful, but nothing I couldn't handle. Pain was always surprisingly easy to handle if you knew that it would end soon. And then my eyes managed to focus on the only thing that mattered in that room. Ryuzaki. And for the first time, I felt like he was helpless, like he realised he couldn't save me, couldn't shoot Light without risking shooting me instead. I could be dead either way. He could run for the death note, but Ryuzaki would never do such a thing. I think I smiled, but I was too far gone to be sure. _I am going to die like a victim,_ I thought, _but at least I'm the only one dying today._

And then, Light suddenly let me go and paced away from me, as if he'd burned himself. He was making noises I could barely hear. The black spots only became bigger and my body was struggling to get back the air it had been missing. Black, black, black, but I heard one of the agents say 'heart attack' and I fought against them, running to the door. Ryuzaki wasn't there anymore and if Matsuda and Yagami were, they didn't stop me. 'Rem!' I shouted. 'Ryuk!' Because one of them must've. The FBI-agent wouldn't. I didn't think they would.

'He's gone,' Ryuk said, laughing. _Laughing._

Rem. Rem was gone? 'Gone?!' I repeated, leaning against something as my brain was shouting that I should just pass out now. I didn't give into it, but my legs refused to work. I think I fell to the ground, but I wasn't sure.

'Yes,' Ryuk answered. 'Shinigami's are forbidden to lengthen a human's lifespan. When we do, we die.' I still couldn't see him, but he sounded amused.

I felt like I was going to throw op and the black spots became lighter, almost as if there were more colours in the spots. I still couldn't see anything, though.

But I thought I could see a hope of white sand laying on the ground in front of me.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Dum. Dum. DDDUUUMM! Well, I have been planning this ever since chapter – like – one, but I when I got here, I wasn't sure how to do it. It was hard, much harder than I thought it would be. And yes, Olivia's lifespan wasn't moving, but it** ** _was_** **still lengthened by Rem, even though he couldn't see how big the difference was. He probably wasn't even sure if her lifespan was short, he just didn't want to risk it. Or maybe he saw the bit of time she had left starting up again and decided to take action. We'll probably never know. Well, I can know, if I choose to make up a real theory, but I like some things to remain a mystery.**

 **Sorry that this chapter was a bit shorter than normally! I always try to make them longer, but I also don't want to drag things out!**

 **Anyway, byesies, see you guys soon!**

* * *

 **XxX**


	28. Bruises

**Hey hey! I'm back! Again! Yayy. I'm a bit too late, but it was my mother's birthday and there a stuff in church so. Yeah. Still technically in time in some parts of the world, though. But late. I don't like updating on a Sunday, I prefer Saturdays of even Fridays. Though I suppose to me, this is Monday now.**

 **I normally want to talk a lot about stuff before starting a chapter, but not today. Enjoy!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **28\. Bruises**

Ryuzaki stepped forward to look at the body lying on the ground. When one of the agents confirmed 'heart attack' he sighed. It must have been the white Shinigami. It must have been Rem.

Ryuzaki noticed days ago, the way Rem was looking at Allison Severs, like she was some sort of mystery to be unsolved, a golden treasure to be found. He also noticed that Rem noticed that Ryuzaki was noticing his behaviour, because after a while, Rem went out of his way to avoid both him and Allison Severs.

He frowned then, then looked around the room. She was gone.

He turned around and paced out of the door, only to find her there, in the hallway. She was crumbed up against the wall, on the floor. Unconscious, probably. He stepped forward to take a look, leaning over to get a better look of her face. He'd been right. She was unconscious.

He stood then, only to find Watari looking down on him. 'Everything alright, Ryuzaki?' he asked, his arms folded behind his back.

That wasn't the first time that Ryuzaki didn't know how to exactly respond to that question.

* * *

XxX

The FBI had an excellent doctor. Nothing was really wrong with her, apart from the bruising. 'She might need to get some professional help for her possible trauma,' though, the doctor added, but the detective was already out of the room, Watari waiting for him there.

'We're leaving, Watari,' he told the older man as he walked passed him.

'Leaving?' he asked, sounding surprised.

The detective swallowed. 'Yes.'

'Don't you want to wait until Miss Upson wakes up? I think she would like that very much, Ryuzaki,' the man tried to convince him. He wish he could see the young man's face, but he wouldn't turn around.

There was a silence while Ryuzaki thought. Even Ryuzaki's long thoughts didn't take more than a few seconds. 'No. We're leaving.'

* * *

XxX

I woke up laying, which probably meant I was in some sort of hospital bed, but I didn't want to open my eyes. Because I didn't know what I would see when I opened them.

It didn't smell like a hospital, but my throat didn't hurt, so I must have had some sort of painkiller. I swallow hard and then open my eyes, slowly, almost as if the world will shift to a nicer form is you look closely enough.

'You're awake!' Matsuda said. Matsuda was here. Not a person I had expected. I hadn't really expected anything. But, outside of Matsuda… the room was empty. It wasn't really a hospital room, it looked more like the infirmaries that Japanese schools had. Only Matsuda. No Yagami. And No Ryuzaki.

And for some reason I wanted to shout 'I knew it!', but I didn't. Because Yagami had just lost his son and because shouting it wouldn't change anything.

'I want to go home,' I told Matsuda with my raspy voice.

And that was the only thing I said for weeks.

* * *

XxX

I did go back to Japan. And I did move out. Ryuzaki not only secured our payment, he also gave us extra. I wanted to complain, but I had no way of reaching him. The strawberry necklace he'd given me to alarm him when in need was gone when I awoke and his phone number wasn't in service anymore.

Yagami took a break from work, just like I did. Well, I left more permanently, but the director did promise that he always had a place for me if I wanted to come back. I didn't want to. I probably never will want to.

Matsuda was the only one of us three who didn't stop working, which is a bit of a surprise, really. He did transfer to a different team, so he wasn't working with Aizawa and the others. I wasn't exactly sure _what_ he was doing. Even though Matsuda had been one of my closest colleges, none of my colleagues were really treasured friends, even though I did like Matsuda. We just had different lives and his optimism wasn't good for my world of pessimism.

The FBI mailed me files about my parents. How they were doing and what they were doing, just as I had requested. They were divorced now and both were remarried. My father had two kids, my mother three. I had phone numbers, right there, but I never called. They had happy lives, they didn't need to be reminded of the sad life before that one.

I didn't buy a house, even though I did move out. I rented an apartment just outside the city. It wasn't much, but it was cheap and small and not threatening. All the lights were always on and the whole building smelled like the cooking of the family living in the apartment underneath mine.

I did go and visit Misa. Once. She was in a mental institution, far away from the city. The only way I got in was because she remembered me, even though she didn't remember Kira, or anything related to that.

'I like it here,' she said, 'I have a lot of fans in here, actually! Isn't that surprising? I hold concerts in the canteen and Doctor Quincy said that I could try to hang out with guys again in a few weeks.'

She had not taken Light's death well. The doctors told me that when she heard it, she screamed and yelled and shouted, things like: 'Why does everyone keep leaving me?' I wondered that, too, sometimes. But then I reminded myself that I was leaving a lot of people, too, that the main reason I was alone was because I pushed people away.

'Don't lose your optimism and spirit, Misa,' I told her before leaving, but she didn't look like she'd understood a word I'd said.

Yes, Misa shouldn't lose her optimism. I couldn't lose mine, simply because I never had anything and well, you cannot lose something you never had.

It seemed almost stupidly ironic. Everything I lost when the Kira-case closed, was everything I never had. People to talk to, people who knew my story. Ryuzaki.

Yes, this was mostly about Ryuzaki.

* * *

XxX

'Mom, the woman next door is so weird,' I heard one of the kids say. My window was open and he was probably standing on the balcony while saying this.

'No, no, flower,' the mother said, 'she's just a very… eccentric girl.'

I rolled my eyes. There was no way she actually believed that.

'One day, I saw her throwing her computer out of the window,' the kid then said.

'I saw it, too!' the kid's sister added. The next door neighbours consisted of a mother, a girl and a boy. Where the father was, I had no idea. I didn't ask. I didn't even talk to these people. But the mother did bring me food, sometimes. I think she thought I was starving in here.

I did actually throw my laptop out of the window. I had three laptops (well, now I have two), but the one I had been using while working with Ryuzaki had been completely and utterly destroyed. I guessed Watari must've deleted everything related to the case. Everything related to Ryuzaki. And every single program that could recover any of those files. In short, that laptop had been rendered completely useless and when I found myself angry at nothing in particular (which usually just meant Ryuzaki, but I didn't like to admit that) and I threw it out of the window.

'She was probably just angry,' the mother said.

'Or drunk!' the sister added.

'Risa!' the mother said sternly, as if she couldn't believe her daughter knew what that word meant.

'Do you think she is a witch from all those stories you read to us, mom?' the little boy then asked. He asked it like he was really afraid of that.

'No, no, sweetheart,' the mother replied. 'She's probably just like Rapunzel. Locked up in her tower until her prince comes to save her.'

I shut the window. I wasn't Rapunzel. I didn't have long hair – actually, my hair was short now. I cut half off and died it dark, it seemed stupid to dye it in an unnatural colour again. And my prince would never come for me, because I didn't _have_ a prince. This princess wasn't in destress, she was just… done. Like her prince wasn't only blind, but dead and her witch mother had locked her up again she just thought 'well, that hurt and this may suck, but it doesn't hurt half as bad so I might as well try to live with it'.

'Still think she's a witch!' the sister added so loudly it didn't matter that my windows were closed. And all I could think was: 'Smart kid.'

* * *

XxX

Henry Matthew Pitch was an odd man to work with.

He sent me an email about a voice that was distorted and asked me if I would be able to get it back to its original state. He said that a friend called 'Ryuzaki' recommended me to him. And of course that made me unable to refuse. Because even though I tried to be as pessimistic as possible, somewhere, deep in my mind, my brain thought this meant that I would see Ryuzaki again. It was silly, of course, but that bit of hope still hurt.

Henry Matthew Pitch never stopped emailing me requests. He kept emailing me until it wasn't even about voice distortion anymore. And then he said he would be coming to Tokyo soon for a business deal and he would love to meet up with me.

Everything about it seemed like a trap.

Maybe that's why I went.

Also, because I'm pathetic and hoped for the impossible. 'Henry Matthew Pitch' wasn't a name Ryuzaki would make up, he would chose something more… in your face, or more simple. Like 'Ryuuga Hideki' or 'Ryuzaki.' Yes, both names fit him well, for different reasons. Just like the name 'L'.

I didn't want to go to a restaurant, because I hated being outside these days (what am I saying, I always hated going outside, kind of). I didn't want him to come to my house, because of obvious reasons. So we decided that coffee would be fine. 'Everything but Starbucks,' I had said over de phone and he'd laughed like there was no tomorrow. Another reason why Henry wasn't Ryuzaki, he spoke over the phone with me. Not sure when that started. He just emailed me his number one day and I decided to call him one day. Maybe my lack of social interactions was starting to show.

I wore sweatpants and a big grey hoodie. I was quite sure Mr Pitch wasn't posh at all – even his accent seemed like he was a bored teenager – and I liked to show him that he wasn't my boss. I was just taking his assignments. Because I am disturbed and he somehow had my email address. Because even though he erased every way I would be able to get into contact with him, Ryzuaki still had my email address, apparently.

'Olivia Upson.'

I turned around and saw a young man standing there. Not too tall, with dark hair and dark blue eyes, like the colour of the night sky in colourful paintings. He had sunglasses in his hair and a cigarette in his hand. A striped shirt, jeans and high, dark boots finished his look. He looked more like a college student than someone who could afford an assistant like me (I wasn't his assistant, though). He looked curious, but also as if this was as much as he'd expected.

He had his hand reaching for mine, but I didn't take it. 'Henry Pitch, I assume?'

He laughed. 'Please, call me Matt,' he said, even though he'd already said that a thousand times, 'everyone does.'

He was pale and didn't look like his 'everyone' included a lot of people. 'Well, I'm not everyone,' I responded.

He just laughed at that. 'Isn't that more interesting?' he mused. 'Normal is just boring, anyway.'

'Boring can me very uplifting sometimes,' I answered as we walk into the coffee store. Then I said: 'I think it's best to bring the coffee with us and talk outside.' What I meant with that was: ' _I don't want to sit in a café with people. That's not something I do these days._ ' There wasn't much I _did_ do these days. Sitting, sleeping, eating, working. That was about it.

'Fine by me,' was Matt's response and it sounded like he didn't care about anything at all. Like he was just going with whatever people wanted him to go with, because otherwise, he would be bored.

I paid for my drink and he didn't say anything about that, which I thought was a big plus. And then he just followed me as we walked, in no particular direction. He was leading us, though, as if he knew the place. But we were going around a bit, not going anywhere, really, so I guessed he was just walking wherever he wanted to.

'What brought you to Tokyo?' I asked then, a question that was almost not polite to ask. I always felt I was doing illegal business with this young man (should I call him a man? He couldn't be older than I was) and I felt like it was better for me to stay out of it.

He cleared his throat then. 'I actually have a question,' he said, grabbing another cigarette with his free hand.

I automatically grabbed his coffee when he handed it to me so he could light his cigarette. 'What question?' I asked, on guard. He couldn't have come here for that.

'A… friend of mine wanted to meet you and insisted on me bringing you to him,' he then explained as he took his coffee.

I stood still. 'Pardon me?' I asked. The hope came up again and I wish I could kill it, but I never could. Hope always came crashing down and I never could soften its landing.

He cleared his throat again. We were on a busy street now, many vans and cars were parked next to the road. 'Sorry,' he muttered and then he pushed me towards one of the vans parked at the side of the road.

The door opened and hands grabbed me, pulled me back and pushing something in front of my mouth. I didn't fight it, for once.

Because this was exactly what I had been waiting for.

* * *

XxX

I opened my eyes, but everything was blurry. I was two shapes sitting across from each other. Talking. But the blurry picture wouldn't focus and my mind was still screaming that I should sleep some more.

'She's not pretty enough.'

'That's not what it is about, Mello.'

' _He_ asked you to look after her, Matt, we both know that this is exactly what's it about!'

'Maybe he just considers her as one of his successors.'

'Like hell!'

'Sssh,' I mumbled rolling over. Was I laying on the ground? How peculiar. 'I'm trying to sleep here.'

I was completely ignored.

'We should just bring her to Wammy's House and ask Roger what to do with her,' one voice said. The familiar one. 'I understood your interest, but kidnapping her and taking her with us might have been the wrong thing to do. And you told me there was a case you needed her help with.'

'Of course I don't need help, I'm perfectly capable of doing things alone.'

'Really? Well, I don't understand why you keep _me_ around, then.'

'You know what I mean, Matt.'

A sigh. 'I don't know. This whole situation is just… boring. Give her some more or wake her up, I'm going to go down to the gaming hall.' Footsteps on the floor. Then, a door. It opened and closed.

My vision was still blurry, but the gentleman had been speaking English. Like, _English English._ Was I in England, then? Then I must've been out for more than ten hours. Holy mother of god, of course I was seeing blurry!

'Kidnapping a lady isn't nice!' I said to the shape that still remained in the room. 'Especially a lady that has already been kidnapped once!'

My sight started to shift. I could see a shape now. An almost female-like boy sat on a bed (I was really actually lying on the floor, how kind). He had blond hair and blue eyes, but the way he'd cut his hair was what was odd. He had bangs that reached his eyebrows easily and his hair hung just above the shoulders. He was wearing only black and held a chocolate bar in my hand.

I might not be L, but I wasn't stupid. This wasn't hard to guess. 'One of L's possible successors,' I muttered, not really a question. 'You think kidnapping me would get you high on his list?' I thought I heard myself laugh, but everything felt numb and I wasn't sure. 'L doesn't really give a shit about what I do or don't do.'

The boy raised an eyebrow. Then he moaned, as if I'd just puked all over his carpet. 'Shit, shit, shit,' he said, after that he pulled out his phone. A little chain with a cross was hanging there. He called someone and every move he made seemed… angry. And vaguely girlish. But that could just be the drugs talking.

He spoke on the phone with someone, but all I could do was watch him from the ground, trying to comprehend what he was saying, but it was like all my brain cells were dead. 'Yes, Roger?... Yes, I'm fine, we're both fine... No, I didn't do anything stupid. Well, not _stupid_ stupid… Well, I was wondering… I kind of… kidnapped L's girlfriend.'

I giggled. I didn't even know I still had that in me.

'Do you think you could get into contact with him?... No, no I don't think anyone has noticed, Matt said she never leaves her house… No, no I don't think so… What? No, of course not!' He sounded angrier now. 'I _will_ win, you can count on it! Near won't win! No matter what I'll have to do, I'll end up in front of Near, not running behind him!... Yes, sorry, I know, enthusiasm. I'm working on it… Yes, I understand. Yes… Bye.' He shuts his phone and threw it across the room and although I would normally feel shocked or freaked out, now all my brain could think was 'oh, okay then'.

There was a silence and the boy kept walking through the room, mumbling to himself. The blurriness was almost completely gone when the other boy – Henry Matthew Pitch – came into the room. 'We're bringing the girl to Wammy's?' he asked, almost as if he didn't sound surprised.

'How come _you_ know that before I do?' the other boy shouted. He must be younger than Matt, because he _looked_ so much younger and behaved a bit more… childish.

'Because Roger trusts me and your inferiority complex stands in the way of you making rational decisions,' Matt mused. 'Come on, Mello, let's get that girl to Wammy's. Who knows, maybe she can cook.'

* * *

 **XxX**

 **A bit shorter than usual, I know! But I didn't want to drag this chapter out. So sorry! I'll reply to reviews later, it's late and I know my little brothers will be screaming bloody murder tomorrow morning, so I'm going to bed. Bye bye!**

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 **XxX**


	29. Orphanage

**I'm back! Yeaaaaaah! I had to think a lot about this chapter, because there's not story now that I can cling to whenever I'm unsure about where to go, so it's a lot more thinking and a lot less writing, which is a shame, but hey, I'm here!**

 **I wanted to update much more now that I'm free, but a family crisis came up and is still going on, actually, so I'm surprised I could write today.**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

 **XxX**

 **29\. O** **rphanage**

'I can cook, actually,' I said as the two boys took me outside. We were in a hotel, a pretty big one at that and I wondered how the hell they got me in a room in the first place.

'Great, as long as it isn't vegetables.' Matt kept holding my arm to keep me from running, but I think he knew that I wasn't going to. The guy who was with him – Mello, I believe was his name – didn't even want to look at me. He just ate his chocolate and checked his phone, as if he was expecting a phone call.

The van they had was black and had dark windows, like the FBI one, but this one was much dirtier and older looking and the whole thing smelled like fast food and sweets. They put me in the back and Matt stayed with me, but de blonde guy didn't, I guessed because he was going to drive, which made me wonder how old he was. And if he had a driver's license.

'Mello, can you drop by a McDonalds?' Matt asked as soon as the van started driving. 'I'm hungry.'

'There are still cereal boxes in the back!' Mello shouted back.

'Really?' Matt asked, climbing towards the back and started looking through the big plastic boxes that were standing there, tied together with ropes.

That was another difference. This truck didn't have any chairs in the back. Great for kidnapping, not so great for safety.

'Got it!' Matt held up a box of colourful looking cereals and walked back towards me, sitting next to me, leaning against the board that separated us from the driver's seat. He looked at me then. 'Want some?'

 _Does everyone who associates themselves with L have weird quirks?_ 'No,' I answered, 'thank you.' I observed him as he started eating it, not bothering to put it in a bowl. I sighed then, letting some of the tension leave my body. 'Well, I'm glad that you guys didn't drug me _again_.' I scratched the back of my head. Matt didn't answer, so I asked: 'Are you guys L's successors?'

No response.

'Did he ask you to contact me? To keep an eye on my?' I actually knew this was partly true, at least, I guessed it was, judging by the conversation between him and the blonde guy, Mello, that I overheard. Well, _overheard_ is a strong word. They were talking and I was laying on the ground drugged and kidnapped. You could hardly blame me for overhearing anything at all.

Matt just shrugged, which wasn't really much of an answer. But then he added: 'Roger told me not to talk until we've sorted out this situation.'

'Roger? Who's that?' I asked, secretly hoping that that was another alias that L had. Hey, it _did_ start with an R, like all the aliases I knew, or at least I could remember. But I also secretly hoped that it wasn't, because, frankly, _Roger_ wasn't a name that fitted Ryuzaki well.

Matt slowly put the now empty cereal box down. 'I'm quite sure I shouldn't have said that,' but he said it like he knew that beforehand and did it anyway. He grabbed a cigarette and put his lighter close to it. 'Do you mind?' he asked.

I did, kind of. We were in a closed off space and it would smell the rest of the way. But these people were bringing me to a place that was in some way related to L and I didn't want to seem rude, so I said: 'Sure, as long as you don't kill us with too much smoke.'

'Just one, then,' he said, as if he'd been planning on chain-smoking until we arrived at the location. After he'd blown a few puffs of smoke into the van, he asked me: 'So, cooking. Are you good at making pizza, perhaps?'

XxX

Matt kept talking to me about nonsensical, unimportant stuff, which he handled pretty smartly. I wondered if avoiding questions was part of his training.

When we got out of the van, much, much later, it was already starting to become dark outside. That _would've_ meant something if I had any idea what the time was when we left the hotel.

The building we'd stopped by was in a remote place, but not so far from the living world. You could see a bigger city not so far away and the road wasn't that bad. The gates around the building were black and high and spiky, but the spikes looked more like little crosses than actual spikes. And the building itself looked very much like a school. It had light stones and tall windows that were rounded at the top. All the windows had thin, white curtains hiding away what was in the building. A set of stairs let up to the big brown door. There were two pillars next to the opening of the gate. One had a golden sign that said 'Wammy's House Orphanage' . I swallowed.

Was this what I'd been searching for? All the research I did about L, trying to find his origins, his home, his past. I could never find it. And now I was standing here, in front of an orphanage with two odd teenagers and my mind still clouded from drugs. This almost seemed even further away from reality than the whole Kira-case. Almost, but not quite. Because Ryuzaki wasn't here.

'Don't tell me you don't gave the gate keys,' Matt said while stretching himself out and yawning.

'Shut up!' Mello bit back. 'I'm sure I put them somewhere.'

I slapped Matt on his back. 'Uh, guys,' I said, not sure how to refer to them.

A young, slim woman was walking down the stairs, walking towards us with a surprisingly emotionless face. Her hair seemed brown, but the vague light showed that there was red in it and it reminded me of the dark, red wood that doors and benches are sometimes made of. She wore big, black glasses and was wearing a suit, like this was a very serious business. She walked towards the gate and Matt and Mello had gone completely silent, as if they only realised now that they'd done something really bad. 'Hi, boys,' she said, her blue eyes were sparkling with amusement. Her accent was clearly American, which wasn't something I'd been expecting. 'Are you back from breaking the rules _again?_ '

'Nice to see you, too, Hannah!' Matt replied, smiling brightly at the woman, who pressed her lips together as if she was trying to hold a smile.

'Roger and I are very, _very_ angry, boys!' she announced, even though because she was still trying to bite back a laugh, she didn't look angry. She started to open up the gate. 'We shall have a word about your punishment.'

'Wonderful!' Matt said, still smiling brightly. Well, he sure had a lot more charm than Ryuzaki had…

The gate was open now, but the woman stood in the way. She ticked with her foot, rolled her eyes at Matt and reached out her hand. 'Hand in, Matty.'

Matt sighed and grabbed the cigarettes from the pocket of his pants and dropped it in her hand. She raised her eyebrow. 'Was that all?' she asked.

'Yes,' Matt said, as if it was only logical.

'You better not lie to me, Matt, you know I can smell it from miles and miles away,' Hannah warned.

Matt had already pushed her aside and was walking towards the building. 'Yeah, yeah,' he said, Mello sprinting after him, clearly trying to avoid a conversation with this woman.

Then the woman looked at me and she sighed, but not an annoyed sigh. More a 'there you are'-sigh. She put her hands on her hips. 'So, lovely to meet you,' she said, looking at my clothes. I was still dressed like a homeless person, but maybe there was a way to fix that soon. She gave me one of her hands, and I took it. 'I'm Hannah, I am one of the supervisors of the orphanage and also cook, I think, kind of. Not really, if you ask the children,' she added laughingly. I immediately noticed that she wasn't giving me a last name. She let go of my hand then. 'And you are Olivia Upson.'

'That's right,' I said. I wasn't surprised that she knew my name, but I was curious how it was brought up, which words were used. Olivia Upson, one of the members of the Task Force who helped L? Olivia Upson, a gifted young woman? Olivia Upson, centre of L's universe? Yeah. Right. Only the first one seemed like an option.

She smiled at me, then sighed again, almost like she was happy, content to see me. This woman was almost as hard to figure out as Ryuzaki. Then again, Mello and Matt had both been pretty confusing, too, so maybe everyone in that building would be difficult like this. 'Let's get you inside,' Hannah said then and she turned around and started to back towards the building.

I followed her, but slower, looking at every window, every brick, everything. There was woods behind the house, it looked like it was a gigantic forest, and it looked… well… odd. The woods in Japan looked different. Europa was… different. And of course, I knew what Europe looked like, but somehow I sort of… forgot how it felt to actually _see_ it.

'Miss Upson?'

That was the moment I realised I had been standing still for a while. Hannah was standing in the doorway, looking over at me. 'Are you… coming?'

I straightened myself and cleared my throat. 'Yes, I'm coming.' I was still cursing my outfit in my mind. But then again, maybe this would suit their tastes. After all, I looked more like L right now than I ever had. The dark hard, the baggy clothes. I only needed to take off my shoes. Also, I slept for hours and hours, so I probably didn't have much dark circles under my eyes left, either.

I walked up the stairs and inside. The entrance hall didn't look much different than the entrance hall of a school. Grand, but not too grand. You could go into the corridors to the left and the right, there were stairs and next to the stairs, right in front of me, a dark wooden door.

There were puzzle pieces scattered over the room and a single doll lay lost in front of the wooden door, like it wanted to get out so badly, but couldn't because the door as closed.

Hannah ignored all that and walked towards the stairs and I followed, assuming that that was what she expected of me. 'The children are having dinner now,' she explained as we walked. 'Classes and food are on the ground floor, as well as Roger's office. The play rooms, library and computer room are all on the first floor. The second floor is where the sleeping happens, we have separate boys and girls rooms. There are also washing rooms there, also separate, of course.'

'Of course,' was my reaction as we began climbing the second set of stairs. Was I supposed to sleep in a room with orphans now? I guess I shouldn't complain. But then again, why not? I _had_ been kidnapped. But then, Hannah immediately skipped the second floor and we went up to the third. I was waiting for her to tell me what the third floor was, but she didn't speak until we were there, standing still. 'This is the floor where my rooms – and Roger's – are. There's also a room for Wammy, of course.'

'Wammy?' I asked, looking around,

'Yes,' Hannah answered, looking slightly confused at me. Then she seemed to realise something. 'Ooh. Wait. Yes. Euh. His name, what was his name again? Wanti? no, that's not it. Warner? No, definitely not.'

'Watari?' I suggested.

'Aha!' she shouted, pointing her finger at me and scaring ma half to dead. 'That was it! I _knew_ I knew it!'

Well, she clearly didn't, but I decided to keep my mouth shut for now.

Then, a man's voice cut through the house. 'Hannah?' he said. He sounded kind of old, but not too old. He _did_ sound tired, though.

Hannah frowned slightly, then walked over to the balustrade to look downstairs. I did the same, and I saw an older man standing there, with white hair and grey eyebrows and wearing a grey suit. Small glasses were balancing on the tip of his nose.

'Yes?' Hannah shouted at the man.

'Come downstairs, will you? Those children are making an awful lot of noise,' the voice explained. He didn't speak that loud, but we could hear him perfectly. I suspected no secret was save in this house.

'I'm coming!' she answered. 'I was just showing Olivia Upson her room!'

'Upstairs?' the man asked and he sounded almost disgusted. He looked at me then, as if he hadn't noticed me there before. Now that I thought about it, he probably hadn't.

'Yes, isn't that right?' Hannah shouted back, confused now.

The man frowned. 'Bring the girl downstairs right this instant! L has ordered to let her stay in his rooms until further notice.'

'Oh, aha,' Hannah said slowly and I already figured out that she was the Matsuda of this house, at least in some way. 'Well, then I'll be bringing her downstairs now.'

'Yes,' the man answered.

When we were downstairs, the man first decided to ignore me. 'Back to the dining room with you. I'll show Miss Upson to her room.'

Hannah looked confused at first, but nodded then. 'Very well, sir.' She quickly turned to me. 'I'll come and bring you some food when the children are done, Miss Upson.' And then she walked into the right corridor with quite a lot of speed, as if she was running from me.

Then the older man sighed, and he _did_ sound tired – almost annoyed. Then he reached out his hand to me and gave me a smile that was surprisingly kind. His face seemed to light up, and he suddenly looked like the world's best grandpa. 'Nice to meet you, Olivia Upson. I'm Roger Ruvie.' Look, two names, didn't get those often. 'I'll shall lead you to your room.'

He leaded me towards the wooden door and behind that was an empty room with three more doors. The one right across the room was the one he walked to then and when he grabbed keys from his pocket to unlock the door.

Behind the door were stairs, that probably led to the basement. We walked downstairs, only to find there was another locked door. For this one, he used both keys and a passcode. After that door was a hallway that looked… different than the rest of the house, clearly, this was all added later. There were five doors, but Roger opened only one – again with a key and a passcode. When the door opened and I walked inside… it was like I came home.

It looked exactly like a standard – but luxe – hotel room. The big made up bed, the sand coloured floor, the door that I knew would lead to a bathroom. This is familiar. I had seen rooms like this before. But the best part was.

The whole room smelled like L.

Not even in het building he'd built in Japan did it smell this much like him. It was like he was standing in front of me, that's how strong the smell was. I was already happy thinking about going to sleep in that bed, finally freed from nightmares now I had L's presence to guard me, even when he wasn't here and there wasn't any clue that he'd been here, outside of the smell. Still, this was unmistakably his room.

Roger cleared his throat. 'I'll have Hannah pick up some clothes for you tomorrow, for now, this is the best we can do.' He said it as if this wasn't much, which it obviously was. Then he grabbed all the keys he had from his pocket and took one off, handing it to me. 'This key opens this room, and the doors - ' he pointed at the doors he'd meant. 'The passcode is 33153952.'

I looked at him, perplexed. I blinked. Once. Twice. Then I asked: 'Could you um… write that down?'

'Of course not,' Roget immediately answered. As if the idea alone was stupid. 'I'm willing to repeat it for you, though. 3-3-1-5-3-9-5-2. Got it?'

Nope, nope, definitely not. '…I guess.'

Roger gave me a small smile. 'Don't worry too much, you won't need to leave this room anytime soon and you can only leave when either me or Hannah fetches you, understood? Don't listen to the children, they're smart, but that's exactly what can make them dangerous.'

'I noticed,' I replied dryly. _Kidnapped, remember?_ I wanted to add, but the poor man looked so tired and worked up that I kept my mouth shut.

He grabbed a napkin from his pocket and swiped away the sweat on his forehead. Then he grabbed the door, ready to close it behind him. 'Have some rest,' he said, even though all I'd been doing for the past few hours was sitting and laying and resting.

XxX

Hannah did bring me food. Delicious, European food (she said that not all the kids thought she was a good cook, well, she certainly had my vote) and I ate it on L's bed (because who cares, no one was here). There was a moment where I feared that there were cameras, but then I remembered that even if there were, this was L's room. He probably was the only one with access and he didn't care enough about me to stalk me to that extent, not when he didn't think I was some high class criminal.

But I was curious. So I decided to bring my plate back to the kitchen, at least, that would be the excuse. The children would probably be upstairs now, in the playing rooms or their bed rooms, anyway, not here, in front of my door, so I opened all the doors without much fear (I had already forgotten the passcode, but it wasn't needed when leaving, so I could worry about that later). As I walked up the stairs, however, I came to regret my decision.

There were seven children standing just above the staircase. All the way to the left stood a girl, her hair long and black and her eyes green and open. 'Her hair is sloppy,' she commented, sounding much older than I'd guessed she was.

Then the girl next to her, with brown pigtails, said: 'She's so pale. Do you think she's sick?'

'She's pretty,' a blond girl with pigtails said.

Outside those three girls, there was a boy dressed in white, with white hair and eyes so dark that they almost were ask dark as L's. Almost, but not quite. The boy's eyes were a really dark grey and L's looked like black, most of the time. There was a boy with light brown hair and green eyes and his hair was a bit too long, just like Mello's had been. But Mello's hair had been so long that it looked like it was part of the plan. This boy's hair wasn't long enough for that yet. There was another boy, slightly fatter than the others, and with _Harry Potter-_ like glasses and born hair matching his brown eyes, even though his hair looked more black and brown, not that I looked at it. And then there was a girl with a dark red dress, her blond hair so long, it hung past her waist. But her bangs were neatly cut, so I guessed that was part of her plan, the long hair.

'Um. Hi,' I said slowly, completely thrown off guard.

'She sounds stupid,' the boy with the long brown hair said.

'And you _look_ stupid!' the girl with the brown pigtails shot back. Then she looked back at me, as if I was some sort of art that you needed to stare at in order to get it.

'What was he like?' the one with the _Harry Potter_ -glasses asked.

I was still just as thrown off and lost as I'd been three seconds ago. 'Pardon?' I asked the boy, so much lower than me. Had I ever been that small? I couldn't even imagine it.

'L!' he answered. 'You met him, right? What was he like?'

I almost dropped my plate. I wasn't sure how to react to… this. I didn't think I was supposed to tell them anything, but I was confused. They didn't know what he looked like, but they knew who he were? And was this whole orphanage some sort of L-producing machine? I had no clue, but that boy sitting all the way to the right, with his cards, sitting on the ground with one knee pulled op, reminded me of L in a way. I couldn't believe this boy _hadn't_ met hem. And now that I studied him – his calm face, his eyes with the familiar bags, his precise fingers – I didn't think it as the case.

I knelt down on the ground, keeping the boy in white in my line of vision. I saw him look up for about half a second when I did that. 'He's amazing,' I assured the children. 'I wish there was a way to describe him, but really 'L' is the only thing that could describe him.' I shot a look at the boy in white. His eyes had widen slightly, but not enough. He wasn't impressed. He actually still looked quite bored.

I stood again. 'I-I need to find the kitchen. Can any of you take me there?'

The girl with the blonde pigtails grabbed my sleeve. 'I can do it. Can I do it?'

XxX

They all took me to the kitchen, only the boy with the white hair stayed to play with his cards. I didn't ask him to join us. I wasn't sure he wanted me to.

'Are you and L going to get married?' one of the children asked.

If I'd been drinking water, this would've been the moment I spat it all out. 'Excuse me?' I said, wide-eyes and horrified.

'No need to be so shy about it,' the girl with the black hair and green eyes said. 'I'm Alice, by the way,' she then said. 'And that's Linda, Paul, Charlotte, Quinn and Kai.'

I pretty much forgot all those names as soon as she'd said them. Then I frowned slightly. 'And who was the other boy? The boy in white?'

'That's only Near,' the boy with the long hair – Kai? – answered. 'He's currently the most likely successor to L.'

I felt my mouth open. Wow. Really? I remembered Mello saying something about a Near and winning or losing to him. Which must mean that Mello was pretty close to the top spot, too. Wow. Wasn't that surprising. You'd think that someone smart enough to succeed L wouldn't do something as stupid as kidnap someone. I still wasn't sure why I was here and why no one had sent me straight home. But I knew, as I walked through these corridors to the kitchen, that they couldn't make me go. This was L's home. This was the best chance I had at getting to work with him – under him – again. I could help here. I wasn't _intelligent_ intelligent, like these people probably were, but I was smart enough, picked things up quickly. I could teach, I could cook. I could even babysit.

I wasn't leaving, not in a million years.

Not even if L personally came to drag me out.

 **XxX**

 **The end! Of this chapter! I actually think that Olivia and Near will be able to become some sort of friends, I feel like they're kind of similar. And I just want L to be back in this story already! But I have to be patient, I need to follow the path I made, otherwise, this story would completely stop making any sort of sense xD.**

 **XxX**

 **Aura: Thank you for liking the story! And I don't know how bad my typos can get, actually, but whenever I try to reread something of my previous fanfiction, I have to stop because of the typo-shame. And I usually update at least once a week. When I'm not able to achieve this, I usually announce it. And did I get some sleep? No, actually. xD I slept a total of three hours, so I'm going to bed early today ;)**

 **bored411: Aah, I wish she could just do all of those things! Like hit him while crying and then ignoring him for the rest of the story xD No, I think she** ** _is_** **angry, but I also think she understands that that is just a L-thing to do. And it really is, the stinker! Well, we'll have to see, but I was planning something amusing ;)**

 **XxX**

 **THANK YOU FOR READING! Feel free to leave reviews, I always try to reply as much as I can and I love hearing people's thoughts, even if they're negative. Bye bye and see you next time!**

 **XxX**


	30. Laptop

**I'm updating again! And I wanted to update sooner, but I couldn't because internet was acting up and family crisis and that kind of stuff. But I wanted to write to badly! Because. Near. And L. And BLEH RYUZAKI STOP BEING AN IDIOT AND COME FOR HER DAMMIT! xD It's actually weird, I never really liked Mello and Near in the manga/anime, but I love writing them! Maybe because L is still alive, so I don't have that sour aftertaste that the only reason we had them was because L was gone, which meant that I compared them to L, which meant that they could never win, because L is awesome and will always be in my top three favourite characters of all time. I don't even know who the other two are, but I do know that L belongs there, dammit. Coraline should be somewhere on that list, too. Yeah. I love Coraline. And Sherlock Holmes. Oeh, and Peter Pan. And Luna Lovegood. And Ciel Phantomhive, I love him, too.**

 **Wow, that was completely off topic. Let's get this chapter starter, shall we?**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

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 **XxX**

 **30\. Laptop**

When I returned to my room, the boy in white – Near – was still sitting there, building a tower made of cards. Even though that was fairly obvious, I decided it was a good thing to ask: 'What are you doing?'

'Playing,' was his answer.

I thought about that answer for a while. I quite liked that answer, actually. There followed a silence so awkward, that I decided to kneel down again, looking at him with a wary look. 'What's your favourite colour?' I asked him then, thinking that I already knew the answer.

But he shook his head. 'I don't have anything like a favourite colour.' He looked up and his eyes were so familiar that I had to look away. 'It's the same as asking you which limp you least like to lose.'

It really wasn't, to me, at last, but I decided not to argue. This boy was a genius, after all. 'You've met him, too, haven't you? L, that is,' I then said. A dangerous thing to say, really.

Near shrugged, but didn't speak. I was quite sure this was all I was going to get out of him, so I stood and turned around.

'I'm curious,' he said before I could even start to freak out about the passcode on the door downstairs.

I turned around to look at him. 'About what?'

'You,' was his answer and his eyes were looking so intense, so focused. I suddenly understood why L would want this boy as his successor, he looked like he could focus for hours on end without sleep. 'I'm curious as to why he choose you.'

'Choose me?' I repeated. 'There must be some mistake, I'm not—'

'33153952,' Near interrupted me.

'Hah?' I said, without thinking. I hadn't said a single smart thing ever since walking through those gates and it was horrible. They probably all thought I was stupid and dumb and ignorant and… well, stupid. And I didn't like it when people thought I was stupid.

'The passcode,' Near clarified, 'is still 33153952, if I'm not mistaking.'

I'd already forgotten all the numbers he'd just said. 'Ah. Sure. Thank you.' I turned around and walked downstairs.

It took at least half the staircase before Near answered: 'You're welcome.'

* * *

XxX

Hannah woke me up the next morning fir breakfast. 'Upstairs,' she instructed.

'What?' I mumbled, still half asleep. My hair was one big ball of tangled hairs on my head.

'You'll eat in the dining hall,' she explained, looking way too happy and energetic for the morning, no matter what the time exactly was. 'With us.' She grabbed the blanket and ripped it off of me in an attempt to fully wake me up. 'Everyone's dying to meet you.'

'Fun,' I mumbled. Then I remembered where I was and who these people were and I shot up. 'Wait, what?'

But Hannah had already left.

* * *

XxX

The dining hall was very similar to a school canteen, but kind of England boarding school-style. The floors were dark wood and the tables where squared, where eight children could sit at. There weren't _that_ many children, though. The six tables would mean 48 children, but some tables were completely empty and other not completely occupied. I counted 21 children, thirteen of which were around ten years old, the others didn't look much younger than me.

Hannah and Roger had their own table. The only round one in the room and closest to what I now knew was the kitchen. I guessed that I was supposed to sit with them, but then my eyes fell on Near. He wasn't sitting behind a table. He was sitting in the corner of the room, near a window, and played with legos. There was an untouched bowl for cereal sitting next to him and no one was paying any attention.

I frowned, looked over at Hannah and Roger, then walked to the table where the plates, bowls, cereal, bread and that kind of stuff stood. I grabbed a bowl of cereal for myself and walked over to Near, sitting next to him on the ground.

I was quite sure that everyone in the dining room was staring at me now.

'Good morning,' I said to him before taking a spoonful of cereal.

He didn't look up. 'Good morning,' he said politely.

'Do you like sitting on the floor?' I asked, sounding just a bit too curious.

'Not necessarily,' was his answer. A very… political answer for such a small and young kid, but because of the situation, it didn't surprise me all that much.

'You're not sitting with the others,' I said then, ignoring my cereal, since this boy seemed more interesting (I know, a person more interesting than food, it didn't happen often). 'Do you dislike social interaction?'

'Not necessarily,' Near repeated. 'It's just harder.'

 _Ah._ I felt all the tension when I realised that this child didn't necessarily wanted to be alone. He was just better at being alone. Like me. 'I understand,' I said quietly. 'Do you mind if I stay, or do you want me to leave?'

He stopped moving the pieces for a short while, as if he was thinking. Then he said: 'I don't particularly care, the choice is up to you.' I felt like he was doing me a favour, so I gave him a smile that he didn't see because he wasn't looking at me.

I ate in silence, he still didn't touch his food. I felt people staring at me and I was happy that I didn't see Matt or Mello anywhere, because I thought that they would maybe approach me and I didn't want Near to feel bad for not sending me away earlier.

He was building some complex stuff. I saw finger-puppets lying next to him in the ground, but he wasn't touching those. It was like those were the replacements for real life people, like how electronic equipment had been my replacement. Even though I felt like I was forcing my own image onto this boy without knowing enough to do so, it felt good to have someone who was so like L, while also be so totally different. Refreshing almost. But kind of reassuring, too.

When the room was almost completely empty, I stood. Roger was gone, but Hannah was still sitting at the table, reading something that looked like a cookbook. I grabbed the bowl and planned to sit by her for a short while, but then Near surprised me by saying. 'Olivia Upson?' He'd said it like it was a question, but also like an order. Like he had no doubt. I liked his voice, the way it seemed to sound like a question and an answer at the same time.

I looked down on him. 'Yes, Near?' I asked, his name felt strange to say.

'Don't feel too stupid during your stay here,' he said slowly, thoughtfully. 'It's everyone here that is out of the ordinary, not you.'

And even though he'd said it as a means to compliment and reassure me, it felt like an insult. Because not being extraordinary felt like being weird in this place.

* * *

XxX

When I walked out of the dining room after Hannah had praised me for sitting with Near ('That boy is alone way too often, that can do a child no good,' she'd said), Mello was standing there like some fake gangster. Against the wall, his arms crossed and he looked pissed. 'You know,' he said, 'I think it's better if you do not stick that close to him.'

He didn't have to tell me who he meant by that.

'And why is that?' I asked, crossing my arms. I was feeling a bit sassy today, so I added: 'Are you jealous?'

The young boy surprised me when he blushed, but he also seemed angry, which didn't surprise me. 'No, of course not!' he said loudly.

Then Matt walked into the corridor. He was wearing goggles now, with amber-tinted lenses. As if they weren't odd enough. 'Mello, stop bothering her. She's having it hard enough without you making her life extra miserable.'

'But I don't even understand why we keep her here!' Mello said to his friend (at least, that was what I think they were). 'Why did L want us to take her to Wammy? We could've just bought her a plane ticket and left her at the airport!'

'Well, why'd you bring her to England, then?' Matt asked, crossing his arms. Now there were three teenagers standing in this hallway with their arms crossed.

'Because you wouldn't tell me what was up!' Mello defended. 'You suddenly get a task from L and then your refuse to speak about it!'

'Yes and then you hacked my computer and forced me into another one of your crazy ass mission, I know,' Matt said, sounding kind of tired. 'I was there, remember?'

'Well, you asked!' Mello protested.

I suddenly realised I had absolutely nothing to do with this conversation, but it was an interesting one, so I decided to stay.

Matt shook his head. 'No, I asked you why you took her to England, I perfectly understood your interest. Why would you bring her to England? Did you want to see how L would react? That's it, isn't it? You wanted L to personally come and scold you and now you're mad because you had her and now she's here and L has no reason to personally interact with you anymore.' A slight frown appeared on his face. 'Not that he really _had_ a reason before that, but you are a particularly stubborn person with particularly stubborn ideas.'

Mello looked almost embarrassed now. 'No, I'm not!'

I could see Matt rolling his eyes behind he goggles. 'Okay, Sherlock, whatever you say. All I want to say now is that L decided to keep her here for a reason, because everything he does is for a reason, and I think jumping to hasty conclusions right now might not be in your – or anyone's – best interest.'

Suddenly, I saw a bit of Ryuzaki in Matt, too. With Near, it was way more noticeable, but he had a bit of it. And even Mello's stubborn nature seemed similar to L in some way. Jesus Christ, this really was a mini-L factory.

'Do you not know why I was brought here?' I asked Matt, since it had become clear enough that Mello had absolutely no idea. But Matt could know more. He looked older than Mello, he'd always looked older. He was probably the oldest orphan here, around my age, I guessed. If he was that old, had he been here for long? Had he been here when L was still just an orphan here? I doubted it. It wouldn't surprise me if L had been doing this since he was ten.

'Nope,' Matt said simply, a faint smile on his face. 'What I _do_ know is that classes started about half an hour ago. Mello?' He looked at the younger boy who still looked kind of angry, but also defeated.

'Coming,' Mello said grumpily, then pushed himself off the wall towards Matt. They started to walk away from me, but Matt had the decency to turn around and say: 'See you later, princess.'

I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not.

* * *

XxX

Classes took long, impossibly long even. I didn't have my cell phone and even though Hannah had said that she would buy one for me, because it was an important device these days, she hadn't had the time to buy me one yet and so I was stuck in that one room in the cellar, doing absolutely nothing. I tried to open all the doors in the cellar, of course, I'm stubborn like that sometimes, but the key I had didn't work and the code I had didn't work either. Smart detective.

It did kind of bother me that he needed all that security in what was supposedly his own home. Didn't he trust Roger and Hannah? Or was it the children? Would these children ever harm him? I doubted it, even though I didn't doubt they could harm each other.

Around five 'o clock I started to realise that they must be done with classes now, but I found no one. Well, one or two in the library and in the playing room and stuff like that, but nowhere else. I couldn't find any familiar face. Linda, Alice, Paul, Mello, Matt, Near and those others whose names I had already forgotten. I had no idea where they were.

So I walked upstairs. Hannah had told me earlier today when I was looking around that the right side of the corridor was fair game, the left side wasn't. I wasn't sure what _was_ there, but hey, Hannah wasn't here to stop me and it wouldn't kill me, so I walked upstairs and into the forbidden corridor.

There were empty room, a lot of them. Some had puzzle pieces lying and the ground, or some old-looking boxes. One had a single table and nothing else. And the last door was opened and soft voices were coming from there.

'… _gain a better understanding when I combine all of these again as a whole._ '

I knew that voice. I froze for a second, scared to walk a step closer to the door. _I know that voice._

' _Which is why… I have very bad handwriting,_ ' the voice said.

Children in the room started laughing and I frowned. It wasn't his voice here right now, it was like they were video-chatting or something. But he wasn't using voice distortion or anything, so he did trust them to some extent, which was pretty interesting. Would his face be there, too, or just a big L on a white background?

I wasn't sure what to do now. I was angry, kind of, even though I might not have much right to be. He left me without a word, that kind of angered me. He gave me a shitload of money without asking if I even wanted that, which also kind of pissed me of. And it seemed like he couldn't give a damn about what I was doing or going to do with my life, which hurt me more than I would ever care to admit.

' _Any other questions?_ ' Ryuzaki asked.

 _Why did you leave me? Why didn't you talk to me, say goodbye to me? Do you hate me? Do you love me? Who are you? How are you? Did you miss me?_ I sighed and turned around, started to walk away. Stupid questions that he wouldn't answer. He never asked anything. He always had all the controls.

…

And that wasn't very fair, was it?

I turned around and started walking to the door, slowly, still hesitantly.

'Oh, oh, oh!' I heard one of the girls – Quinn? – shout. 'Can you tell me if there's something that you're not good at, or maybe something you're scared off?'

I reached to door, but stayed out of sight. Still hadn't quite worked up the courage to walk in. Would Roger or Hannah be in the room? Would they be angry? Probably, yes. But what could they do, sent me back? They were going to try and do that eventually, so it wouldn't make that much of a difference.

' _Something I'm scared of?_ ' Ryuzaki repeated.

'What?' a boy – Kai was his name I believe – said. 'Yeah, right. L's not scared of anything.'

Vegetables, possibly. And maybe a world without internet.

' _Well,_ ' Ryuzaki then said and I frowned when there was a sad undertone in his voice and it sounded so thick. Because he was tired, probably, but it almost sounded like he was emotional. ' _I suppose monsters._ '

The children laughed again and I frowned. Monsters, was he serious? Well, they were children, after all. If he had named a legitimate fear, maybe it would be too dark of a conversation.

'Me too,' Quinn answered, a smile in her voice, 'I am too.'

'Dummy!' Kai spat. 'L's not the same as you.'

Well, that was just mean. And because of my interest I forgot my fear and turned, stood in the doorway. The children were sitting on the floor, in front of a table with a laptop on it. A laptop with a very familiar background. Roger was sitting behind the table, looking rather bored. Mello was standing next to the window, right across from me, but was staring at the laptop screen, so didn't notice me. And Near was sitting in the back of the room, very far away from the laptop, playing all by himself.

I stared at the laptop, crossing my arms. I didn't think I was as angry as I was, but just seeing that background now made me angry.

' _There are many types of monsters in this world,_ ' Ryuzaki went on, ignoring the laughs and unnecessary commentary. I still stood there, staring at the screen. I looked at the webcam, unsure if it was on, if Ryuzaki was able to see me. I took a step back again, not ready for him to see me yet. I wasn't ready for whatever he was going to do. Completely ignore me, or asking Roger to take me away, I… I just didn't want that to happen. Not just yet.

' _Monsters who will not show themselves and who cause trouble. Monsters who abduct children, monsters who devour dreams, monsters who suck blood… And monsters who always tell lies. Lying monsters are a real nuisance. They are much more cunning than other monsters. They pose as humans, even though they have no understanding of the human heart. They eat, even though they've never experienced hunger. They study, even though they have no interest in academics. And they seek friendship, even though they do not know how to love. If I were to encounter such a monster, I would likely be eaten by it. Because, in truth, I am that monster._ '

What?

Every word he'd said had sounded to profound, but those last few words pierced through me like a sword. For the first time I felt like Ryuzaki had honest to god told me something about himself, about who he was. Not his favourite colour of good, but a part of his feelings, a part of what he sees. He hadn't actually told _me,_ of course, but it was something.

There was silence, completely and utter silence in the room. I leaned back to look at the children. Those who understood what L had said, were thoughtful, sad. The others seemed confused, but intrigued. Without really thinking about it, I set one step into the room. And even though it was quiet, no one was looking at me.

' _Well then,_ ' L said then, rather cheerfully. ' _Anymore question before I have to get back to wo—_ ' He stopped, in the middle of his words, he just stopped. Ryuzaki liked the sound of his own voice way too much to just stop talking.

For a moment, I imagined Ryuzaki sitting there in front of his laptop, seeing this room and then, he saw me and it was like he saw the girl of his dreams again and he stopped talking just to stare at me.

Only in my imagination, of course.

' _Perhaps this was enough for today,_ ' he then said and his voice sounded slightly different. Like he was trying to stay quiet, like he was trying to disappear. ' _I will contact you soon, Roger. Goodbye children.'_ The laptop went black before anyone had any chance to say goodbye.

Everyone stared at me then, as if they'd known I was standing there all along.

'Um. Hi,' I said, which resulted in Mello snorting and lifting his chin arrogantly. The others didn't say anything else, they just stared at me.

'I think we might have found something else L is scared of,' Kai muttered and I couldn't help but think he was right.

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 **XxX**

 **I bit shorter than I wanted it to be, but well, this was what I had in mind for this chapter!**

 **I will be updating next week, but gosh, I am tired. Not because I don't sleep, I've been sleeping a lot lately, but because there's a lot of stuff going on right now. Not all bad, I promise you guys. And I won't let it influence the story, or at least I'll try.**

 **Thank you guys for reading!**

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 **XxX**

 **REPLIES**

 **Queen-of-Ice101:** ** _Thank you! I was actually scared people would get bored once the whole Kira-case was over, but great to know that you still like it! :D_**

 **Yuuki no Yuki:** ** _Yes, I indeed think so, too! But I do want them to take some time, because Near is a complicated character, so I think even Olivia would need time to figure him out. But I do think she can at least be someone who supports him, since Mello always has Matt by his side, I feel like he deserves someone who can stand up for him once in a while, even though Near himself might not need it._**

 **bored411:** ** _YES! I want to write what L's going to do, too! xD But time, I need to take my time. But I am also looking forward to how it turns out, hope I won't disappoint you! ;)_**

 **vampireprincessofempire:** ** _I KNOW. Sooooooooooo CLOSE! It's almost frustrating to write. xD ;D_**

 **AuroraStargazers:** ** _Ah, I understand the confusion. L has said that he doesn't know if he has feelings for her, but that doesn't mean he dislikes her by any means. That, and, of course, I don't think L would be able to place any feelings he has towards her, I don't think he's experienced enough (on that department at least). And NO NO, of course not! Don't go deleting comments because you think I won't update, I won't even be angry! I like all kinds of commentary, so even if you bitch about small things, I won't care, I'll still like you and your commentary! And I really like writing Near, Mello and Matt, they're interesting characters, but hard characters to write, too! And yes, I did get some sleep, are you proud of me? xD And I'll always try to reply, because again, I like_** ** _commentary! Hang in there! (woah, had a Nick Wilde-moment there xD)_**

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 **XxX**


	31. Black Spot

**Seriously, a week passes by so quickly! I forgot it was Sunday and I have been struggling with this chapter so much! But I'm happy it's done, and it's still Sunday in some places in the world! It's really weird to think about the different times around the world, so hey, if it's Sunday somewhere in the world, I made it, no problem xD. Anyway, enjoy!**

 **BTW, completely random, but did you guys know that Mikhail Tal was a famous chess Grandmaster? And what's Mello's real name? Mihael Keehl! Come on, isn't that kind of similar? No? Just me? Okay then. Well, now that we're talking about chess, what is it with my fanfictions and chess? It isn't like I'm purposely choosing the anime with chess in it. What's next? Code Geass? Maybe, I don't think so, though. I watched that show** ** _way_** **too long ago for that, I think.**

 **Jesus Christ, I'm blabbing on again. Let's just stop.**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **31\. Black Spot**

If the kids hadn't been staring at me before, they bloody well were now. It didn't take long for all the children that had been there in the room to tell everyone that L had literally fled from further conversation when he noticed me. Which resulted into the rumours that I was L's girlfriend changing into the rumours that I was L's ex-girlfriend, who he kidnapped because he wants to win her heart back. I wish I was kidding, but that's never the case, it seemed.

So when Roger asked me to come with him to his office, I was sure I would get scolded or something like that, even though I didn't feel like I had done anything wrong. But nothing of the sort happened.

'I think it's time I explain your situation,' Roger said carefully, sitting behind his desk with his elbows on the desk, looking rather serious. He didn't look angry, though, and I had already realised that that man rarely ever smiled.

I had told him I wanted to stay standing and I think that was the right call to make. Especially when he was looking at me like that. I wanted to have the opportunity to run away at any given moment. Because I was a coward, sometimes. It seemed like I became a real dumb damsel whenever an important situation came up. I nodded. 'Go ahead, then.'

'As you probably know, L is a rather famous and well-known detective,' Roger began.

'Yes,' I stated. 'I know that.' Did he think I was stupid or something? I'd worked with L on a case! Did he really think I did not know? Did he not know who I was? For some reason, I had expected Roger – and Hannah, too, actually – to have read my file and know everything about me, like Ryuzaki would've done. Maybe that wasn't the case?

Roger nodded. 'Good. Then you must understand he is in a difficult position right now.'

'Why?' I asked, crossing my arms. I felt like this didn't have anything to do with me, not even in the slightest.

'Well,' Roger readjusted his glasses before continuing speaking: 'You are an outsider and you now know about Wammy's house. That's a dangerous situation. We can't let you leave easily, because we have now guarantee that you won't tell anyone about this.'

This made me angry, even though I knew full well that Roger had to reason to trust me, and I knew that Ryuzaki didn't trust me either. So, actually, I should've expected all of this. But L had trusted me with his identity, was this house so much different? 'Well, then why bring me here? You could've ordered Mello and Matt to take me back to Japan. It would've been easy. I would've been confused, but I wouldn't have had anything to tell, really.'

'We couldn't be sure of that,' Roger said. 'What you might have heard while in the presence of those two, it was still dangerous.' He readjusted his glasses. 'Though I do agree with you that you shouldn't have been brought here, but I was simply following orders.'

Following orders? 'From L?'

'From the man you know as Watari,' Roger explained, which made my eyes widen and my eyebrows rise. 'But it is likely that it was L's wish to bring you here.'

'Why would that be?' I asked, hope fluttering in my stomach.

Roger readjusted his glasses again, even though they had not moved. Maybe he did that whenever he was annoyed. Or nervous. I wasn't quite sure what he was feeling, his face was more stoic than Near's, who I also had difficulty reading. 'From what I could gather from Watari, L would to talk to you and you being here, and not in Japan, a country where tons of people have already seen his face and where there is an overall greater risk for him, makes that easier for him. Even though you being here is in the grand scheme of things not a great thing, it is better for him to meet you here than in Tokyo. So you are supposed to stay here until he has solved his current case, so that he can come and talk to you. Whether that will be here or another location, isn't known yet.'

I stood there. Silent. Roger just told me Ryuzaki – _L_ – would come for me. He would actually come for me. Not speak over the phone, not via a laptop. He wanted me to stay because it was convenient for him. He _wanted_ me in his way, not out of the way. I felt a smile creeping on my face and this little yet dangerous feeling called hope started to fill me up.

'Miss Upson?' Roger said kind of worried when I didn't answer.

I shook my head in an attempt to clear it. 'Yes, sorry. Yes?' I said hastily.

'L has sent me an email asking me to report to you that all losses will be covered, including your time, of course, since you aren't allowed to work here, since your job is quite a… sensitive one for your current location. Hacking here can be a risk for us, you see? That and of course the fact that you are not allowed to access the internet, or sent any sort of message to your friends and family.'

Even though I wanted to protest about the money-part of what he'd just said, any more money from Ryuzaki and my bank account would likely explode, I nodded. I wouldn't trouble Roger because L had some business with me. What if he was coming after me now because I had given a false confession so long ago? Knowing him, it wasn't _impossible._ I could still be locked up for that, it certainly wasn't beneath him to do so. And, maybe, he would use it to blackmail me, saying that I wasn't allowed to speak of Wammy's House to anyone and that I should leave and never come or look back.

All my hope was suddenly gone.

Maybe he just wanted to apologise, or something so small that it wouldn't make a difference. Yes, I would see him, but he would go away again. Everyone always leaves. It's what people do with people like me. You use them until you're done and then you leave. And then I'm alone until the next person wants to use me for their own ends.

It wasn't I never used people like that, nor that it wasn't mostly my fault that people kept leaving me, but that didn't mean that I liked it. 'Was that all?' I asked and I suddenly sounded disrespectful, which had never been my intention.

Roger sighed. I had already start to wonder why he worked here. He didn't seem to enjoy the children all that much. 'I suppose that was all. You may leave.' He made a hand gesture towards the door to emphasize his words.

With a sigh I left the room, only to find at least ten children standing by the door. When I glared at them they just giggled innocently and ran away. I pressed my lips together, but noticed that I wasn't really angry. Well, maybe a little, but I wasn't going to kick those children's butts or something, not over something like this. I wasn't even sure what _this_ was.

I sighed again, sounded so tired. I suddenly realised how impossible it was to ever be by L's side.

* * *

XxX

All the children warmed up to be pretty quickly, though I had the best bond with Matt, since I already kind of knew him, even though he had been lying to me for so long. Also, he was the eldest and closest to my age.

I had not really a problem with Mello, but he certainly seemed to have a problem with me, so I stayed away from him. It seemed like I was similar to Near on that department.

'Don't you hate Mello?' I asked him. 'He's always so hateful to you.'

'Not necessarily,' Near answered.

It was rare for him to give me longer answers than that. He had told me he was curious about me, but he never really asked questions. But he was there when I was in the library with Matt, or in the playing room, where he was beating me in literally every game they had. Matt was into cereal, fast food and gaming. And his weird goggles, of course. I wanted to ask him way, but I also wanted to respect his quirks and leave it be.

The other children I got along with, were Linda, Alice and Paul. Paul was an amazing hacker, is was almost insulting how good he was at it. He might even be better than me, even though he was still so young. I didn't particular enjoy looking at him behind a computer, though, as it made me miss my computers and equipment. Linda was a memory freak. She could remember whole movies after seeing them once. Playing _Cluedo_ with her (it wasn't odd that Wammy's House that their own version of the game, a lot harder and more complicated) was like playing against a computer, she knew and saw so much and remembered every single thing.

Alice was just very smart, I wasn't sure what her quirk was. Linda was always wearing pigtails and yes, I'm going to count that as a quirk. She was also the only one who bothered to invite Near whenever they were going to play a game. Alice read a lot, sure, but she never seemed… odd to me. And the others all that something that was at least a little bit odd. The only thing that I noticed about Alice, was that she loved reading and that she had a crush on Matt. I wasn't sure if she made a chance, though, especially since she was only fourteen.

'Hey, Matt,' I had asked not long after I'd noticed. He was gaming and I was sitting on the couch next to him with a book. Most of the children still had classes – science I believed – but Matt had finished that course a while ago. 'Alice seems kind of… in to you.'

'Hah?' Matt said, shouting a man made out of computer graphics dead. 'Alice?'

'Uhu,' I said with a nod. 'So, I was wondering… how old are you?'

He gave me a grin and paused his game. He put his goggles on his head so that he could looked at me without the amber coloured glass in the way. 'Why, are you saying you're into me?' he asked me.

I gave him a little push and rolled my eyes. 'No, I'm just wondering how many years you guys are apart. She is fourteen, isn't she?'

'Yes, she is,' he said. 'And I'm eighteen, so that's not going to happen.' He didn't sound all too bothered. He didn't seem really interested anyway. He never really seemed interested. Except in cereal, games, fast food Mello. And me, sometimes. Though I usually felt like I was just following him around like a dog.

I alone when they had classes, though. Apparently, Roger and Hannah were proper geniuses too, because the two of them did all the classes themselves. Now that I mention it, they seemed to be the only adults here. Well, accept you count Matt as an adult, which I _don't._ Not because of his age, but because of his behaviour.

It was during morning class, almost two weeks after arriving at Wammy's House, that I had my first seemingly normal conversation with Mello.

'What are you doing?' I asked when I found Mello sitting on a table in the library, eating his chocolate over a big book that I was pretty sure I would never be able to understand.

'Reading,' he answered with his mouth full, not sounding particularly kind. He didn't bother looking up from his book.

'What's it with this house and short answers?' I muttered.

Mello's head shot up. 'What?' he asked, less unpleasant now. He sounded like he really hadn't heard what I was saying, but not like he didn't care about what I was saying, which was a bit of a change. I had been here for two weeks already, most people had already gotten bored with me. Even Matt looked bored most of the time I was with him. But he also looked bored when I wasn't by his side, so maybe I was just overanalysing things.

'I said that everyone here seems to give surprprisingly short answers to my question,' I explained, speaking a little bit too loud for the library, but since we were the only ones here, it didn't really matter.

'Of course we give short answers,' Mello reacted. 'The longer the answer, the more information you give away. It's useful to keep your answers as short as possible.'

'Uhu,' I agreed, 'but you see, _that_ wasn't a short answer.'

Mello clenched his jaw, seemed suddenly annoyed. 'Yes. So?'

I sighed. 'Nothing, never mind.' Then I frowned. 'But why are you sitting here in the library, why aren't you in class?'

 _Now_ Mello seemed really pissed off. But not at me, which was actually a nice change. The death stare wasn't directed at me for once. 'I have classes with Near. It's annoying.'

At first I was surprised about how the classes worked. They weren't based on age, they were based on knowledge. Matt was in the same class as theirs, but was years ahead on some of the subjects. Linda was in the other class, just like Paul and some of the children that I rarely interacted with. Alice was in the same class as Matt, Mello and Near, so I guessed that that was where her love began.

But no matter in which class you were, everyone knew that Mello and Near were the most important here. They were the top two, between them seemed to be a never-ending battle. It only seemed like Mello was the one wielding a sword, though. Matt was number three, he had told me that even though he did not particularly seem to want to. I guessed that he could be a tough contestant for those two if he tried harder, but even trying seemed to bore him.

'Why do you hate him so much?' I asked Mello without even thinking about it. It was a stupid topic. I should've brought it up. I was having such a normal conversation with him! 'Don't you feel the least bit sorry for him?' I added, even though that probably only made it worse.

And I was right. Mello looked royally pissed off now. 'Sorry for him? Ha! Why should I?' He really seemed to have no idea.

'Sociopath,' I whispered under my breath. 'He is always alone,' I said then, louder, so he could hear. 'Do you really think treating him like crap makes his situation any better?' I of course meant that as a rhetorical question.

'Maybe not,' Mello said, biting another piece of chocolate off. 'But it does make my situation better.' As soon as he'd said it, he looked like he regretted saying that, as if he hadn't planned on saying it.

Which immediately made me laugh. 'Ah. Short answers, remember? You give way too much away!' I giggled.

'Shut your mouth,' Mello said, but he was blushing and looked more embarrassed than angry.

'Yes, sir!' I said obediently, deciding to let it slide. He wasn't that bad. Maybe I could understand Matt a little, staying by this kid's side. Even though he always acted high and mighty and pretended to be older than he was, he still had his childish sides that shone through once in a while. It was kind of adorable, really. Not that I was ever going to tell him that. Jesus, that would mean the death of me.

'You are one weird woman,' Mello told me as he looked back his book, still blushing.

I gave him a big smile, even though I knew that he couldn't see it, and then I turned around. 'Thank you! I'll take that as a compliment!' I said while waving.

And I swear to god, as I walked out of the library, I would hear him mutter: ' _Really_ weird.'

* * *

XxX

'I advise you to give up.'

'No. I don't want to.'

'The outcome will be the same.'

'You don't know that.'

'Olivia, I'm quite sure you can't win a game of chess when all you have left is your king.'

'Argh, Jesus Christ,' I said flustered as I ticked my king over, ending the game. 'How come you guys are good at chess? Is that a detective thing?' I remember Ryuzaki playing chess against himself sometimes. Sometimes I changed a chess piece when he wasn't playing and then days later, when he wanted to continue, he would say: 'Miss Olivia, please refrain from toying with my belongings.' Which always sort of confused me.

'It's not necessarily chess we're good at,' Near said. 'We're just good at thinking.'

We both ignored Matt as he cursed, probably because he died in his game. Me and Near were sitting on the floor of the gaming room. The smaller children were in a different playing room, with puzzles and dolls and toys like that, but Near never played in that room, even though he did play with the things that you could find in that room.

'Well, you guys just had a lot of practise playing chess,' I bluffed. When Near didn't say anything, I said: 'Don't you guys get bored? All you do is stay inside and play games, are you even allowed to go outside?'

'Without permission? No,' Matt answered instead of Near. 'And secret trips to Tokyo aren't allowed, either.'

I thought about that for a while. 'But you are eighteen,' I said to Matt. 'You're kind of an adult. Don't you have any freedom either?'

Matt shrugged. 'When L gives me a job, I take it, but that's about it. I don't really care about the outdoor world, anyway.'

'But that doesn't mean every child feels that way,' I argued.

'I do,' Near said. 'I don't particularly like being outside either.'

Well, great. These two really were little L's. The only problem was, Matt wore shoes. Other than that, they could pass for his children. Well, Matt probably not, he was too old. How old was L, actually? 'Matt?' I said then. 'Do you know L's age?'

Matt actually took the effort to pause his game so he could look at me sitting on the floor. He pulled one eyebrow up. 'Why are you asking me?' he asked which a ridiculous amount of sass.

'Why shouldn't I ask you?' I argued.

'Because I have no freaking clue,' was Matt's answer. After that, he unpaused his game and continued playing.

I turned my head to Near, but he was purposely ignoring me. I sighed. 'You give me the feeling that I'm the only one here who actually knows the guy.'

'Yeah,' Matt said. 'Well, that's because that's kind of true, isn't it?'

* * *

XxX

It was that same evening when I found Mello standing in front of the stairs leading to my room.

'Hello,' I said, though it sounded like a question. 'What's up?' I cringed as I asked that. I could never sound as intellectual as anyone here. Frankly, this had almost been sort of therapy for me. In this house full of geniuses, there was no way I was right. I was getting used to being wrong, being stupid. Once I go back to the outside world, everyone will probably seem as stupid like Matsuda to me. I had to admit, I was kind of looking forward to feeling intelligent again.

'I–' Mello began, but then he cut himself off and looked away. His cheeks were red again, which made this all the more suspicious. He looked at the floor as he said: 'I have a question.'

Definitely not what I had expected, but okay. 'Okay,' was my reaction. 'Go ahead.' I felt kind of vulnerable all of the sudden, so I crossed my arms as a way to shield myself.

Then Mello looked up. 'Did you—' He stopped again and I felt my eyebrows up, suddenly had a whole different impression of what might be going on here. 'Did you ever—' Mello tried again, and stopped again.

Oh gosh, I really did not want him to finish that question. 'Yes? About are you trying to ask me?'  
Mello held one gloved hand up to me, as if telling me to stop. 'N-nevermind! Ignore that!' he sounded unsure about himself. 'I just… kind of expected… I mean… Are you staying here from now on, or is this just a temporary thing?'

I was quite certain that that wasn't the question he'd wanted to ask me, but I went with it anyway. 'How am I supposed to know?' I asked. 'Ryuzaki never tells me anything?'

Mello looked confused know and frowned. 'Who?'

 _Shit._ 'L,' I said.

He looked as if he'd already guessed that by the time he'd asked me who I'd meant. 'Right. Well, I just wanted to tell you that—'

'What?' I asked when Mello stopped again.

'You shouldn't get close to Near!' he finished hastily.

I rolled my eyes. 'You've told me this before, you know? It's kind of hard to take you seriously when you are acting like thi—'

'It won't work,' he then said, forcing me to stop talking.

I suddenly felt uncomfortable. 'Wat won't work?'

'Your plan,' Mello explained. 'You're trying to stay close to L by staying close to his successors, right? It won't work. If L didn't choose you before, he isn't going to now. I think it would be best for everyone if you just… stayed away from us.'

'What?' I reacted with a honing smile. 'What are you talking abo—' a single tear rolled down my cheek. And another one. And another one. 'Huh, what is this?' I wondered while wiping the tears away with the back of my hands.

Mello looked absolutely horrified. 'What are you—Don't cry! Look, look, I'm sorry, don't cry! Shit, don't cry!' He came closer and raised his hand to put it on my shoulder, then pulled it back as if he'd burned himself. 'Shit, shit, shit,' he muttered.

I couldn't stop. I couldn't remember the last time that I couldn't stop. There had been times when I didn't try to stop, when I'd just let myself go. But now, I felt pathetic and I wished I could stop, but I couldn't.

Mello finally had it in him to put his hand on my shoulder. He was taller than I was, but not much, but it did kind of jar me in a strange way. And then he pulled me against him a bit, and put his other hand on my head to pat me. 'There, there,' he said awkwardly. 'Can you stop now?'

He smelled like smoke, leather and chocolate. None of those smells surprised me. But there was this fourth smell, the smell that Ryuzaki had carried around too. It was the smell of this house, the vague smell that I could never really place before.

Of course Mello was right. Being friends with Near, following Matt around, hell, even being nice to him, it was all because I thought I would be here, by their side, because I was foolish enough to think that Ryuzaki would let me, that he would choose. Me. _"If L didn't choose you before, he isn't going to now."_

I pulled away from Mello completely and wiped my eyes with my sleeves. 'You know, Mello, you're pretty smart,' I said with a half-fake half-real smile.

Mello looked kind of embarrassed, but also confused. Maybe he thought I was even weirder than before. 'Of course I am!' he managed to say arrogantly. 'Of course!'

I kept the smile on my face, even though I knew he looked fake. One of my miracles was that you could never really tell when I'd cried. The moment I had stopped and wiped it away, it was gone. Some girls' eyes became red, others had weird spot on their cheeks. With me, there was nothing. Maybe because I was a cry baby. Or maybe, god had decided to just help me out a little on that department. 'I'm going to bed now,' I announced to Mello, who still looked kind of lost. He dressed to tough and different, but his face now looked familiar. I had seen boys looking like that more than enough. I had embarrassed him and even though I felt sorry about that, I didn't feel sorry enough to apologise. 'Bye!' I walked towards the door and ran downstairs before Mello or I had a chance to change our minds.

Downstairs there was something… off. I noticed it immediately. The vague light in the corridor was on, and light was coming from under one of the closed doors. Hannah, maybe? Or maybe, Roger? What would they be doing out here?

I decided not to wonder. _If L didn't choose you before, he isn't going to now._ Right. That was true. I walked to the familiar door into the familiar room. It was the same as before. Clothes were arranged on a desk that had been put there. The clothes were bought by Hannah, and she's apparently thought that I only wore shabby clothes, because I'd been living on wide pants and unflattering shirts and jackets these past two weeks.

I didn't bother turning the light on. I didn't bother brushing my teeth. I didn't bother changing. I walked towards the bed and emerged myself in the smell. It smelled more like me now, and every day the bed smelled less and less like Ryuzaki. It was almost disturbing, really.

But still, his scent remained. And just like all the other evenings, his familiar smell made me fall asleep save and soundly.

* * *

XxX

I dreamed that there was a vague, dark red light in the room. The bed looked like it was bathing in blood, but I couldn't open my eyes well enough to see if that really was the case. Everything was blurry, nothing in focus.

'I'm sorry, it hadn't been my intention to wake you.'

What a cruel dream. I blamed Mello for it. There was a black spot amongst the red light, and it was wild and familiar. I had always loved his hair, in a way. I always wondered if he ever did anything with it. Did he brush it? It usually looked clean, so I was pretty sure he washed it.

The black spot starting to fade and I panicked, reached out with my hand to the unreachable. 'Don't leave,' I said and those stupid tears were back. But they stayed in my eyes, didn't go anywhere. As if they agreed with me. I had cried enough for a lifetime. Or at least for today. 'Please,' I said before I had even decided to add that. But this was a dream, so it didn't really matter what I said.

The black spot didn't leave, but didn't come any closer either. 'I'm only going to talk to Roger for a short while, I'll be back.'

For some reason, those words didn't sound reassuring at all. 'No, don't leave. Don't leave again.' My hand was still reaching out, but there was nothing to grasp. Everyone always left. 'Don't leave like everyone else,' I whispered, so softly that I was sure he didn't hear me.

'That is factually incorrect reasoning, but you are at least half-asleep, so I'll let it slide.' Something cold grabbed my hand and I pulled it towards me, to my face, and I pressed my nose agains the light skin. Even the scent seemed real and I cursed and blessed my brain for giving me this dream.

The black spot still seemed far away, for he became bigger as the whole dream started to fade, which scared me. 'Take me with you,' I whispered to the darkness, but I was swallowed up by another world and another dream, and no one was there to hold my hand anymore.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Okay then. It had never been my intention, but this has been one of the longest chapters so far. Huh. Kind of surprising.**

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 **XxX**

 **REPLIES**

 **castielxo:** ** _I'm happy she didn't go on a full rant, there were children watching! xD And yes, I think Kai was right, too. Or, at least, he was afraid to confront her ;)_**

 **bored411:** ** _Thank you! From the beginning of the story, I wanted to use that scene with the laptop like this, even though I originally had intended that she would rudely interrupt it, but I think she would have more self-control around children._**

 **AuroraStargazers:** ** _hehe, yeah, I got sleep. I've been sleeping quite a lot lately, even though my whole sleeping-pattern is messed up. And everyone likes Near's cuteness! Well, not everyone, I like him more in fanfiction than in the manga/anime, but I think that's because of who he replaces in the story. And I think you have asked this once before, but I can't remember if I answered, so hey, everything is okay. I update once a week, usually quite at the end of the week, because writing chapters takes time and because I'm usual quite busy, so it's not a specific day, but usually on Sunday. And I'm from the Netherlands, so that can help with deciding around which time I update. Right not it's Monday here, I'm 30 minutes late, but as I said in the beginning, if it's Sunday anywhere in the world, I'm still in time XD_**

 **Grade A Trash Ships:** ** _I hate not finishing things, so you can be rest assured, I won't abandon this story! And thank you for the good lock wishes! No idea what our internet is, actually, that's what I have my stepfather for xD, but it's been better this past week. And thank you! I hope you have an awesome day, as well!_**

* * *

 **XxX**


	32. Hiding Spot

**Hey hey hey, I'm back! Missed me? WHY CAN'T I JUST FINISH CHAPTERS EARLIER! I mean, really, I really take all the time I have to finish a chapter… Why is it so hard?**

 **Btw** **IMPORTANT:** **I'm going on a long trip to South-Korea soon, and I'll be back the 24** **th** **of July. I have no computer there, so I won't be able to update. But, of course, this is way too long to be gone, even for my standards, so, I'll try to write some chapters in advance and then let a friend upload them every week. But I don't know how that will work out, so maybe you'll get two chapters next week and then two or three weeks nothing, maybe you'll get one chapter every week, that would be best, but I doubt it, since planning and prewriting can be hard, as I don't have that much time left and I do still have a lot of other stuff to do. Just know that my updating schedule will be kind of messed up from now until July 24** **th** **. But I'll try to never be gone for more than two weeks. I'm very sorry and please just bear with me!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **32\. Hiding Spot**

He was sitting there, so close to her. It almost felt unreal, which was a new feeling. Everything always felt real and fake at the same time, but never unreal.

She slept more calmly now, but still had a slight frown on her face. He wondered if that was his doing, or if anyone here had made her life difficult. It certainly wouldn't surprise him.

He considered trying to calm her, by grabbing her hand or something of the sort, but he decided not to. It wasn't his place to do so.

But that didn't keep him from watching her, trying to find answers to the questions in her head.

And by the time her breathing pattern changed, alarmed him she was slowly waking up, he already had all the answers he needed.

* * *

XxX

 _Olivia's POV_

'Ah. You're awake.'

I stared for so long. I was sitting in bed, only half-up and still half-asleep. And there was a figure sitting on the end of the bed, staring at me with mild curiosity, as if I was an animal that he had been watching while it was sleeping and was unsure what to do now that the animal was awake. Would it attack him? Was it harmless?

He was still the same as I remembered, pretty much. Dark circles, dark hair, same clothes. There was a black stain on his shirt, there, close to his shoulder. Close to his heart. I wondered what is was for a short while, but then my eyes went back to his face. _His face_. It looked almost as if it was made of stone and one more thing it had in common with stone, was that it was really there. I could reach for him, touch him, if I'd wanted to. He was touchable, reachable now. But he still seemed far away.

And he still looked at me as if he was waiting for me to attack him.

I decided to go with a middle-route. Instead of scratching his face off, or pulling his hair out, I lifted the blanket until he tumbled on the ground. He didn't look surprised as it happened, but he did look kind of disappointed, as if he'd expected something better.

That irritated me, so I launched myself at him and grabbed his sweatshirt. I was sitting on my knees in front of him, so I could pull him up a little. I felt larger than him, greater than him. But only for that short moment. 'You,' was the only thing my mouth managed to say: 'You, you, you, you, you!' I shook him around, but he acted quite passive, as if he felt like he'd earned it.

He didn't look like he felt like he'd earned it, though, so I kept shaking him waiting for a reaction.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, his hands came up to grab my wrists. Not to pull them away, to my surprise, but to keep them still. 'I can see that you are upset for some reason, but please calm down.'

 _For some reason._

Aha. Right. This was Ryuzaki I was talking to. And he had about as much social skills as a wooden stick.

I let go of him instantly and he let his grip on my wrists go, too, as if he was confident that I wouldn't hurt him anymore now. 'Explain,' I said.

He just looked at me.

'Why am I here?' I then clarified. I didn't want an explanation for him leaving me. I was quite sure I wouldn't be able to handle it.

He cleared his throat. 'Let's not be too hasty. Please, get dressed and join me in Roger's office later.' He stood, looked so calm. Why had he fled when he saw me via the laptop? Now he didn't seem to care at all.

He walked towards the door and if I had been a bit more awake, I would scream bloody murder at him and grab his ankles, trying to make him fall flat on his face. But instead I just sighed and tried to see the room more sharply.

It was around that time that Ryuzaki turned back around to look at me. 'Please, refrain from letting the children know who I am. Call me Suzuki, from now on. I shall be one old members of the task Force, sent here by L to bring you back.'

Keeping it Japanese, I see. I nodded, but only because I didn't know what to say or do. As Ryuzaki left the room, I wondered what I'd been thinking. Did I really think Ryuzaki would sent me a note, alarming me he was coming? Of course not. He came when he wanted to. His rules. His morals. Always his rules and morals. Always his way.

It freaking pissed me off.

I did get dressed, but I wasn't in a hurry. Ryuzaki could rot in hell for all I cared. And it wasn't like he cared for me. Hell, I didn't even really want to know what he wanted from me. Well, no, that was a lie. I really, _really,_ did want to know. But I wasn't going to tell him that, or led him onto that fact, for that matter. Stupid, anti-social piece of shit. As hypocrite as those thoughts were, they did relieve me from some of my anger, so I walked into Roger's office relatively calm.

Ryuzaki was sitting in Roger's chair, he way he always said. I hated to admit it, but I'd missed seeing that. No one, not even Near, sat like that. Near always had only one knee pulled up, and Mello always put his legs on the table.

There was some tea, and I was surprised to see that Watari wasn't here, I had expected him, actually. I had missed him a bit, too, even though we never really talked much. He was an always present shadow in the room, a guardian angel that was so far away, too far away to touch. That didn't mean that you couldn't appreciate or respect the man.

'Sit down,' Ryuzaki ordered and I almost went off right then and there. Because he as commanding me again. As if I was his puppet.

'I don't work for you anymore,' I said as calmly as I possibly could as I sat down in the chair across the desk he was sitting behind. 'You are in no position to give me orders anymore.'

Silence. Ryuzaki kept putting sugar cubes in his tea, the way he always did. It wasn't until the cup was full that he said: 'It wasn't an order, you know.'

That was a surprising statement and my eyes widen, but I quickly pulled myself together. Cool and angry and disrespectful. When people would see us, they wouldn't believe for a second that I held feeling for this man.

But I still did. I could feel it. My hands were twitching, almost begging to touch him. I felt sick, but that could be because I hadn't eaten breakfast yet. And I felt warm, as if I was blushing.

I really hope I wasn't blushing.

'You know,' I said in an attempt to distract myself, 'why are we sitting in Roger's office? Why not use one of your secret rooms?'

Ryuzaki opened his mouth, then closed it. Whatever he had been planning on saying, it was probably a correction of some sorts, because he decided to answer the question without too much of a hustle for once. 'The children would find it very, very suspicious if a man like me would speak to you in one of L's rooms, don't you think?'

He was being weird, I just knew it. Something was off. Like he was trying to play himself rather than being himself. As if he was hiding something, too.

'Why?' I asked at the same time he said: 'Listen.'

'What?' I asked before he could speak on. I didn't want him to stop talking because he wanted me to speak first.

From all the things he could say, he said words that I hadn't expected in a thousand years. 'I have a position I would like to offer you.'

Well, that was certainly something I hadn't seen coming. 'Position?' I repeated, forgetting my anger. What was he talking about? This wasn't what we were supposed to be talking about! We had to talk about the Kira-case, how he left. How Rem saved me. How I secretly hated myself, because it had been my fault. I had let my guard down, I had let myself forget that Light with memories was a monster. Rem and Light were gone. My fault.

I hated thinking about this. I had managed to block it out, thinking about others things had been relatively easy, but with Ryuzaki sitting in front of me, the thoughts wouldn't leave.

'Yes,' Ryuzaki said, as if there was nothing like that that needed to be said. To be handled. 'I would like you to be my… companion. My assistant, as it may.'

If I had been holding something, I would've dropped it. 'Excuse you?' I said, because no way I would say 'excuse _me_ ' to him. Not now. Maybe not ever. 'Don't you have Watari for that?'

'You see,' Ryuzaki began calmly, sipping his tea before saying anything else. 'Watari has been my assistant for many years and I supposed it was time to let him return to the home he created. That and I need to train his successor, of course, for my successors, and you were the person that came to mind.'

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. 'Why?' I asked. I didn't know why I asked. Did I want him to say that he enjoyed my company? Or something like that? I was really sad and pathetic sometimes, craving the attention and affection of one an so much that it seemed to eat at my soul. Jesus Christ, I was so pathetic that I would need a whole lot of badass acts to become slightly independent again.

'Because you are convenient,' Ryuzaki mused, an answer that surely didn't surprise me. 'You already know my identity and my most important characteristics and you've been fairly able to bear with me during the Kira-case.' He said it so lightly, as if it was already a distant memory for him. Lucky him. I still had nightmares about my childhood, even that seemed like just yesterday for me.

'Well, you— you could've asked another member of the Task Force! Matsuda, or Yagami-san or something!' I said, feeling angry again. But as I said it, I knew that wasn't true. Matsuda could bear with Ryuzaki, but Ryuzaki couldn't stand Matsuda sometimes. And even L wouldn't be so cruel as to pull Yagami into his life. And the others? They had left him, left the team. I suppose he couldn't really see them as trustworthy assistant-material.

'Well, considering all the facts, I must disagree. I did have someone else in mind, however, but she sadly passed away before I could even offer her the position,' Ryuzaki explained, not going all that deep into his answers, but his answers were longer than most of the answers the orphans gave me, so maybe that habit they apparently picked up here was wearing off.

And I couldn't help but notice that he'd said 'she', clearly referring to a woman. 'She?' I asked, sounding way too much like a jealous girlfriend, even though that hadn't been my intention whatsoever. I hated it, that Ryuzaki had the power to turn me into same weak maiden. I wish I could just shoot him in the head, and then blow up the orphanage and walk away from the explosion with badass sunglasses on my head and a stoic expression and a leather jacket and…

'Did you hear me, Miss Upson?'

I shook my head a little. 'Sorry, what?' I cursed myself inside when I noticed I had just said 'sorry' to him. If anyone in this room should be saying sorry, it certain as hell wouldn't be me.

He was thinner, I now suddenly noticed. I hadn't noticed that before. Hell, I didn't even know that was _possible,_ he already looked way too skinny before. I noticed myself staring, but since Ryuzaki was staring back at me, I didn't force myself to stop. 'Naomi Misori,' Ryuzaki repeated. 'She was the one I had initially chosen as Watari's successor, but I have my reasons to suspect that she is – in fact – dead.'

I didn't ask for the details. Not because I didn't care, but because I felt like I didn't really want to know. Some things are better left unknown, anyway. 'So, I am your second pick,' I said coldly, almost as if I was a speaking statue.

'Well, if you want to phrase it that way, yes, yes, I suppose you are.'

Did he really not get how bad that sounded?

I stood. This was going nowhere, I could already tell. Did he really think he could do this to do? 'So, you leave without telling me anything, disappear from my life for a couple of weeks – or even months – and now that one of your psycho orphans has kidnapped, me you decided _nah, she's here now, I can just keep her_? You are insane. You are ridiculous! Did you really think I would just go along with whatever you wanted until the day I died?'

Ryuzaki was still sitting in his chair, looking up at me, kind of intimidated. Good. When he opened his mouth, I interrupted him before he could speak. Him speaking to me always ended up with me losing. Because I was weak. Because he was Ryuzaki.

Because I was in love with him, and because I hated that I was in love with him. _Still_ , I was still in love with him.

'Wrong!' I shouted, and after that I turned around and walked away, only to find Near sitting in the corridor. Not what I expected, I expected a group orphans eavesdropping on our conversation. But it was just Near. And he was standing, which was a change. I wondered if I'd ever seen him stand before, but I hadn't. He had always been where I was, I never saw him walking towards his spots, or walking away from them. How… odd.

'Frustrating conversation, I suppose,' Near said and it hit me once again how much he spoke and moved like L. Like he wanted to be an odd copy of him, but not too much. A copy too different to call it accurate, but too alike not to make the connection easily.

'You can say that, yes,' I snarled, then immediately felt bad for being unnecessarily harsh towards Near. 'Sorry. I'm not angry at you, just—'

'Frustrated,' Near finished. 'I know. Don't worry about it, miss Olivia Upson.' He still sometimes called me that, but only at random moments that seemed specific, making me wonder when he used it, and for what purpose.

It was weird how I had been waiting for Ryuzaki for so long, but now that he was here, I just wanted to punch him or hide from him. Or both. I should've punched him back there, but I was too afraid he would ask me why. And I wouldn't have a proper answer, because Ryuzaki had every right to leave me there. It wasn't the cool thing to do, especially considering that he was my boss at the time, but it wasn't like I could sue him for it.

And it wasn't like I could tell him how I felt. Last time I took action because of my feelings for him, it ended up in empty kisses and meaningless stares. I think Ryuzaki just let me do it because he thought I was upset, and because he was too nice to push me away. Because, secretly, he was. Nice, I mean. It was hidden pretty well and his sense of justice and morals got in the way more often than not, but deep down, he was such a sweet, nice guy. I think, if his social skills had just been a tiny bit better, we would have been able to have such great conversations about life, about books, about… whatever. Anything. When you speak with a man like that, everything becomes interesting. Wasn't that something from Sherlock Holmes? _To a great mind, nothing is little._

Near was still standing there, observing me. Sometimes it really did seem like he could read my mind, which kind of creeped me out.

Dragging Near into my problems wasn't a wise, adult thing to do, but he was here and he was nice enough not to reject me and I knew that. And apparently, he didn't have any classes this morning, either. 'Hey, Near, where do you go and hide when you want no one to find you?'

* * *

XxX

'Am I even allowed to come in here?'

'Well, no one said it was forbidden,' was Near's answer.

I giggled without meaning to. Near had taken me to his room. He told me that there were actually shared rooms, but because the person the was sharing with always had some sort of problem with him, they'd given him his own room. I felt kind of sad for him, he never looked like he had a problem with anyone, yet everyone seemed to push him away. No, not everyone. Just Mello and everyone who was A, scared of him and B, just went along with him. And with B, I basically meant Matt.

There were puzzle pieces, scattered around the floor. All white. I wondered if they were just one gigantic puzzle, but I wasn't sure. Next to the bed in the corner, stood a big leg tower. Some human-shaped puppets were put up on the top of the tower and finger-puppets were laying on the ground in front of the tower. It looked always like how an old and crazy person would imagine a child's bedroom to look like.

Even though there were puzzles and toys scattered around the room, it was surprisingly tidy. Like everything was in its place, exactly where it meant to be. An organised mess. That was something Ryuzaki never really accomplished. It was always either perfectly organised or a complete mess with him.

Near sat down on the ground near the tower and started to build a tower made of cards that were also laying on the ground, completely ignoring me.

'So,' I said after a short silence. 'Don't you want to know what I was talking about with - ' what was he name Ryuzaki had given me again? 'Suzuki?'

'I have no intention to pry into your business,' Near answered. 'As for curiosity, I have used all the information given to me and already concluded some things for myself.' He talked quietly, as if his very breath could make his card-tower fall apart.

'Aha,' I answered, still kind of confused. But I liked the silence when I was with Near. Silences with him were never awkward or forced. They were peaceful, concentrated. With a reason. I had already guessed that Near preferred to be quiet. And he liked to play with strands of his hair, too, from time to time.

I sighed and let myself slid onto the floor, too, facing the ceiling. Would Ryuzaki come looking for me? Running after me, like they did in the movies? Well, I hadn't left the house, so I hadn't really ran away, but I liked the idea of him coming after me.

The door went open then, as if someone had heard my request.

But it was just Mello. 'There's a guy here –'he began, his eyes wide. He was breathing heavy, as if he'd run here. Then he saw me. 'You!' he said, but I must have heard it wrong, because he always said it happy. Like he was happy to find me.

'Oh no,' Near muttered very quietly.

'Oh no… what?' I asked, frowning slightly.

Mello was still breathing kind of heavy and I saw Matt appearing beside him, looking rather… bored, again. I felt like Matt was the living human equivalent of Garfield sometimes. Lazy, bored and loving junk food. 'I think our friend from Japan, Suzuki, might be L!'

My frown deepened. Oh no…

* * *

 **XxX**

 **END OF THE CHAPTER! Jesus Christ, L has become even more difficult to write! Oh well. BTW! Don't forget to read the important note at the beginning of the chapter! See you guys soon! I will miss you soooooo much! Don't miss me too much, okay? I'll be back!**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **bored411: Something tells me you were right ;D And I hope you'll continue to like my story as it progresses!**

 **Saraze: Haha, English can be tricky, right? But I have gotten better ever since I started writing fanfiction. I can't read my first fanfiction without cringing. And thank you! I didn't want to kill Watari or L, but I actually thought about killing Watari, just to avoid becoming a complete Disney-special, but I couldn't. And I try to keep them as in character as I can, but that can be tricky! Sometimes, L's choice of wordsis very** ** _very_** **specific and it kind of messes with my brain and stuff. But anyway, thank you and I hope you'll keep enjoying my story! :D**

 **ghost flower: Waah! Thank you! I actually really like OC-stories, but only if it was a good character they put in, so it's amazing to hear you think Olivia (or Allison, even I am unsure what to call her sometimes) is a likable character! Thank you so much! And I hope you'll keep enjoyed my story! :)**

* * *

 **XxX**


	33. On The Floor

**I'm currently on vacation; this chapter was written in advance! Hence there will be no replies to reviews that were written** ** _after_** **I left and I am unable to tell you specifically when the next chapter (or this chapter, for that matter) will be out. But I'll be definitely back after July 24** **th** **, so please bear with me until then. Love you guys! Please enjoy!**

 **BTW, I forgot something. When I come back from South Korea on the 24** **th** **, I have exactly 8 hours to unpack, pack again and leave for France, so don't expect an update soon after I come home. I will have my laptop and WiFi in France, though, so I will update there! Which is kind of strange, because I'm going to the exact same place as last year and I remember writing my other fanfic there, sitting behind my desk. I think I was close to the end then. I'm quite certain. Wouldn't it be supercool if I also finished this story there! Not that I am going to make that, then I will need to update** ** _way_** **too much (like, twice a day or something), but hey, it's a nice thought.**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **33\. On The Floor**

'I think our friend from Japan, Suzuki, might be L!'

My frown deepened. Oh no… Then I decided to go with the only logical thing to do here. I started to laugh. But not a small laugh, I laughed like I was hysterical maybe I was. 'Of course he isn't!' I said with a hint of sarcasm In my voice, a bit breathless from the laughter. 'He's part of the Task Force.'

Mello crossed his arms. 'Are you sure? Because you always said there were four of you in the Task Force.'

Shit.

'And you only ever talked about the Chief and a guy named Matsuda!' Mello looked like he just won a golden medal. 'You can't fool me! You can't fool any of us!'

Now Matt slightly frowned, as if he realised only now that his friend might have a point.

'Yes,' I said without doubt. 'Four of us. Chief Yagami, Matsuda, Suzuki and I. It's not that hard to get.'

'But that list doesn't include L!' Mello sputtered.

'Obviously,' I said, while rolling my eyes to emphasize my lie. 'L was never part of the Task Force. He always followed his own rules. He worked with us, but he never saw us as part of his team. We were the Task Force plus L. We were a team of four with a fifth wheel ruling the place and doing his own damn thing.' I sounded so bitter and there was so much truth in my words that they didn't sound like lies at all, not even to me.

'But, he… he!' Mello began, but then Matt grabbed his arm. 'Now that I think about this, buddy, is this really our business?' Matt asked. 'We should probably lay it to rest. L will come and meet you eventually.'

Mello's eyebrows rose. 'Now I am even more sure!' he said.

Matt rolled his eyes and started to pull Mello out of the room. 'Yes, yes,' he said in Japanese, which was funny as well as confusing. I shouldn't be surprised that he knew a bit Japanese. All the orphans here were probably fluent in most languages. If that was even possible.

'That was the first reasonable thing I've heard from Mello in a while,' Near said softly when Matt had closed the door after pulling a mumbling Mello out of the room.

I chuckled. 'And you are such a good listener,' I said, completely serious.

Near looked up from his tower and looked at me with mild curiosity in his eyes. I gave him a small smile and laid back down again, facing the ceiling.

Ryuzaki was back. He was actually back. And he had offered me a position, a possibility to stay by his side.

So why wasn't I happy?

 _Because you are convenient to him,_ my brain answered, _but you want to be much more than that._

And even though I hated it, that was the truth. But not being by his side was worse than being by his side as nothing more than a chess piece. An assistant. A Watari.

And shouldn't that be enough?

* * *

XxX

I found Ryuzaki in one of his rooms in the basement. It was some sort of library, but also some sort of office. It reminded me of a principal's office, or maybe – if there was a bit less light – a place for a supervillain to plot against his sworn enemy.

The fact that he'd left the door open was kind of a flattering one, because at least that meant that he wanted me to find him. Or he just wanted anyone to find him and was thinking too much about this.

Ryuzaki didn't look up from the book he was reading, which looked slightly odd, considering I saw him sitting behind a screen most of the time. He did look up when I said this: 'Look, I'm not saying I will do everything you say until I die.'

He looked slightly surprised, as if he hadn't expected me to him. Did he really not realise that I didn't have the power to stay away from him? The distance between us was all him, not me.

'But I am saying that if you want me as a successor for Watari, I'm fine with that.' That didn't sound like I was fine with it at all. 'I mean, if I can be of help for you like that… I'd like to.'

Now he looked completely stunned. Like I'd just thrown a rock at him.

Was it really such a surprise? 'I mean,' I added, my voice started to sound nervous, 'I've always wanted to be helpful, so if I can be helpful this way, that's great.'

'You were angry before,' Ryuzaki said, almost as if it was a deduction.

'That is accurate,' I said, but it sounded like a question. And why was I phrasing my answer so strangely?

Something wasn't right in this room. I was almost always uncomfortable around Ryuzaki, while also feeling very comfortable and save, which might sounds odd, but was the truth. But now, there was something else. And it wasn't me. It was something in the way Ryuzaki had turned in his chair slightly when I walked in, almost as if he was backing away from me. And the way his mouth was hanging open, just slightly. And also, he wasn't eating or drinking anything sugary. That was strange, too.

Ryuzaki slowly frowned now. 'And now… you're not angry?' He asked it as if he was asking another question. And he pulled his legs up even more. Seriously, what was going on? He hadn't been like this in the office. Why?

I frowned now, too. 'No, I'm not,' I answered, shaking my head. 'But R—Suzuki, is everything alright?'

I wish I hadn't noticed how he cringed when I said 'Suzuki', because that told me that there was, in fact, something wrong.

Ryuzaki closed his book. 'So you were angry, but now you're not angry. Even though nothing has changed. I must admit that I'm confused.'

Those words were strange, too. I swallowed and decided to sit on the floor in front of him, like I used to do in the hotel rooms all the time. I noticed that Ryuzaki was watching me carefully, like I was a lion and he was a zebra. Yes, that was wrong. Ryuzaki was looking at me, reacting to me, as if he was scared. But that must be wrong. That couldn't be it. Why in the world would Ryuzaki be afraid of _me_? I was nothing, I could do nothing.

'I was stupid,' I said, ignoring my thoughts. 'I reacted in a manner that was unfair towards you. I was smallminded, thinking only about me. I realised that whatever you were giving me, I want it. The job. So whatever I have to do to accomplish it, just tell me.'

'But you won't do exactly as I say,' Ryuzaki said. He didn't look like he understood it any more now than before, but he tried to understand and that was something I hadn't seen before.

'No, I must admit that I can't guarantee my obedience.' He could order me to leave. I was pretty sure there would ever be a time when I would be prepared to do just that. He could leave me, of course. There was nothing I could do about that. I wasn't going to chase him for the rest of my life, I wasn't that desperate. But I needed him. And if he needed me, even just a little, I would do everything I could to stay by his side.

Ryuzaki looked up, thoughtful, as if he was considering what that meant for him. I doubted he would think about the right scenarios. 'Well, if that is the only problem, I think I will be able to live with that,' he said after a short silence, looking down on me. And then he did something I hadn't seen in such a long time that it felt like my heart would explode.

Ryuzaki smiled.

* * *

XxX

I had forgotten how great Ryuzaki was at lying and faking, which was dangerous, in a lot of ways. He talked different when he played Suzuki. He walked straighter, his personality seemed different. And he acted like a normal human being, almost. Like he knew exactly how to function like a normal human being, but it just wasn't him. It felt all wrong.

I knew that Near, Matt and Mello knew, but the others? They seemed to buy his act. Which showed that the three top successors on the list weren't there by chance.

Ryuzaki choose to sit with Roger and Hannah during dinner, but I sat with Near as usual. Not because I didn't want to sit with Ryuzaki, because I did, even if he was playing Suzuki, but because it felt wrong to do so. I always sat with Near. Not doing that today would feel like betrayal, almost.

But I was silent today, because I wanted to hear the conversation at their table, even though I was pretending not to listen. Near was solving a puzzle, one that was completely green and quite big. He let me help once in a while, and today, I had that honour.

And while solving the puzzle with him and pretending not to listen, Ryuzaki asked a question, faking a Japanese accent and speaking louder than normally, 'Does she always sit with that boy?' he asked and he almost sounded rude.

I looked over at Near's face, but it didn't change. Maybe he wasn't listening. Maybe he didn't care.

Near's face was often still a mystery to me, even though he was getting easier to read. He was really good and concentrating on one thing, making it unable to see what was under that concentration.

'Yes, she does,' Hannah answered, 'they seem to get along quite well.'

'She gets along with almost everyone,' Roger added, 'only Mello seems to have a few problems with her.'

'But he has problems with everyone,' Hannah argued, 'it isn't like that is unexpected.'

I chuckled and I heard Ryuzaki doing the same, which made me smile. I couldn't help it. I noticed Near glanced up at me when I chuckled and I looked back.

It was clear in his face that he saw right through me. I wondered how much he knew about me already. Hanging around geniuses could be scary. He probably knew about my feeling for Ryuzaki already. Was there anything else to know about me? Well, yes, there was, but that was the only thing he could've figured out, right? Not like he knew my whole past now. Some things just couldn't be guessed.

I was surprised when Near didn't look away, he kept staring and I stared back. I wasn't sure what was going on. Then Near suddenly looked away and I blinked, confused. Whatever Near had been searching in my eyes, I guess he found it.

'You should be careful,' Near then said, and I frowned. Was everyone acting odd today? It seemed that way.

'Why? What?' I asked completely lost. Just as Near had said, I felt pretty stupid most of the time here. Which had never really happened before. Well, I felt stupid around Ryuzaki, of course, but I always had Matsuda or Yagami to keep me in check. As some sort of proof that I wasn't stupid. Ryuzaki was just exceptionally smart. But here, everyone was smart. I was the exception.

'Your hair is almost hanging in our food,' Near answered with a little nod, which made me snap my head up. He had been right, of course, but I got the feeling that that wasn't the thing he'd been warning me for. I was just too stupid to figure out what he was really warning me from.

'Thank you,' I said shyly.

'No problem.'

* * *

XxX

After dinner, I went with Matt. Not because I wanted to avoid Ryuzaki or anything like that, but because… Well, okay, it was because I was trying to avoid Ryuzaki. It was better for both of us. It seemed like we both didn't know how to act around the other anymore. And I didn't want to make him – or myself – feel awkward.

But when I watched Matt play one of his games, I realised that there was a moment when I needed to do back to the room, with a possibility that Ryuzaki was there. It was his room and there was a big chance that he didn't understand why we couldn't share the room. It wasn't like we'd never slept on the same bed together. Well, I slept. I wasn't sure if he slept.

'Olivia,' Matt said.

My head shot up. 'Hm?'

He rolled his eyes behind his goggles. 'Oh, _now_ you hear me. I've already said your name a few times.'

Had he? 'Oh. Sorry. What is it?'

'I'm going back to my room. It's late,' he said and I now noticed that he had already closed off the game. How late was it? I didn't want to know.

If Matt went to sleep, it meant everyone was already sleeping. Maybe Ryuzaki was sleeping, too, in another room. Maybe I was worrying about weird things. What would happen if he was there? Awkwardness, yes. And I probably wouldn't sleep much either. But there was nothing beyond that to worry about. Maybe Ryuzaki would explain to me what was wrong.

It was funny. For someone who wanted to stay by his side so badly, I found it really difficult not to avoid him. Which was weird. I hadn't had a problem with forcing myself on him before. That was all that our… relationship had been. I had attacked and he had freaked out or flat out rejected me. Except for that one night…

Well, that wasn't that odd. Ryuzaki was a man, after all. And he didn't get that much physical affection, so there was a great chance that he just… needed it, in a way. Like how a human can go crazy when he or she doesn't speak to anyone for days and days. Like he'd been starving, and I was a bowl of food. Not his favourite food, hell, maybe not even food that he'd liked. But he needed food and I was there.

I wasn't even sure if I was making sense right now.

I walked downstairs, but hesitated in front of the door. If the door was locked, what would I do? Go to Hannah? Go to Near? To Roger? To Matt? All those options seemed wrong.

'Stop whining, you idiot,' I whispered to myself before opening the door. The door was open.

And Ryuzaki was laying in the bed. And he was sleeping.

And no, I was dreaming. Ryuzaki was sleeping. He had his knees pulled up, one arm around it. The free hand was pressed against his face, like he was trying to smell his wrist. It looked unbelievable cute.

And then I realised that nothing mattered. Ryuzaki was L, L was still alive, here, with me. And I was just… me. Olivia Upson. And if I could never be more than that, well, then that was fine, wasn't it? I liked being Olivia Upson from time to time.

I brushed my teeth and climbed in bed fully clothed. I didn't feel like changing. I lay facing away from Ryuzaki, but when I heard him shift I turned around.

And saw his two large, dark eyes staring at me.

He almost looked sort of sad.

The hand that had been in front of his face grabbed one strand of my hair and looked at it, still that odd sad expression on his face. 'You dyed your hair,' he said, but he said it like someone had died.

I looked at him, didn't really want to answer. It was really easy to forget this was real, just pretend that it was a dream. That did make it easier, so I let myself forget that it wasn't a dream. I nodded slowly, not taking my eyes away from his.

'Why?' he asked.

It almost felt like we were back at the headquarters. Like Kira and Light and Misa were still problems waiting outside this save room. I shrugged. 'I stood out with that hair,' I said, 'and then I realised… that I didn't want to be noticed.'

Now he looked even more sad. No, not sad… lonely. 'You don't want to be noticed,' it wasn't a question. He looked at the strand of hair he was still holding and for a second I thought he would kiss it, but then he let it slip through his fingers and looked back at me.

I blinked a few times while looking at him and he seemed to blink everything I blinked, too, as if we were one. We even breathed at the same time. I wondered if our hearts were beating at the same time, too.

'What's wrong, Ryuzaki?' I then asked. 'You're acting weird.'

He blinked a few times before he answered. Then he said: 'One, I'm still quite sure you're going to hit me when I least expect it and I'm trying to stay on guard.'

That usually would make me laugh or smile, but now I had no reaction.

'Two, I am at my old home and it's uncomfortable.' I wasn't sure what that meant, but he didn't give me time to ask. 'And three, I… I realised that I… I'd actually missed you.'

Missed me?

Missed _me?_

I tried to stay calm. 'Is that why you asked me to be Watari's successor?' I asked then, knowing that I was blushing. Why, I wasn't sure.

'Not at all,' was Ryuzaki's quick answer. 'I knew I wanted to ask you that before coming here. But… it certainly does make it easier.'

I was starting to hate that word. _Easier_. And _convenient_. I hated those words. I wanted Ryuzaki to be with me even when it was _hard_ and _inconvenient._ But that was too much to ask. 'Do I have to train? Do I have to complete a task or something?'

Ryuzaki shook his head. 'Of course not,' he answered. 'You'll be joining me and Watari on the next case and after that, we'll see for how long Watari is still needed.'

'And I will be the new Watari until he next L comes?' I asked, still not sure how this was supposed to work. But I felt the kid in me getting excited. I was going to solve another mystery with L!

'Of course not,' Ryuzaki said again. 'You'll be next to me successor, too. You will be besides L until the day you're unable to do your job. Then you'll train your successor and resign.'

I closed my eyes, realised that I shouldn't have asked anything. I would be the assistant of this L, but that didn't mean that I was Ryuzaki's assistant. I was L's assistant, bound to whoever L was. Which meant that me being besides Ryuzaki was only temporary.

Not that it would be bad. If Near became L, or Matt, I would gladly assist them. Mello, probably not, but if he didn't do something about that temper of his, Ryuzaki probably wouldn't choose him. I had these years with Ryuzaki, and then I had someone else, and I would still be helping L, which was a great honour and privilege.

So why did I feel like I lost, again?

'Do you really want me to stay by L's side, whoever L is or becomes?' I then asked. Then I added another – much more dangerous – question. 'Don't you want me to stay with you?'

Ryuzaki looked at me confused, but there was no way I could take that back. So I opened my eyes and stared at him, waiting for an answer. I needed to know what was going on in Ryuzaki's head. I needed to know what I meant to him, if I even meant anything to him at all.

And tonight, I would do anything get an answer.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **These chapters are so difficult! Olivia can't be all angry with Ryuzaki, but she can't forgive him either. And Ryuzaki can't be too emotional, but he also can't be a lifeless robot. Same with Near, actually. I'm taking more liberty with these characters then I wanted to, but I'm having fun and that's what matters, right? Right? For example, Matt really has become OOC I think, I never really think about his original character when writing him.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Yuuki no Yuki:** ** _Thank you! I always find that kind of an obvious way to go, actually, since it's the best way to A, keep the OC by his side and B, make her useful. And also, of course, L can still be L. But I never actually read a story where that was done, so I decided to go with it!_**

 **DevilsTune:** ** _I won't rush chapters, don't worry! I have no idea how many I'll be able to write before leaving and that is because I only write when I'm sure about what I want to write. Otherwise, writing the chapter would take ages and it wouldn't be that great when it's done, so don't worry about that! Though I must admit that I really do not like being gone for long, because then, I have to get back into the characters and the story. Anyway, thank you! I hope I'll have fun, too! ;D_**

 **bored411:** ** _Thank you! I'm glad she and Near are friends, too, but I have a hard time figuring out how she would react to Mello. I don't think she would dislike him, but I don't think she'd like being around him and I certainly think she doesn't agree with his methods, so it's tricky. Anyway, I have no idea when the next update will be, like I said! I'm not even sure when this chapter was released, since a friend updated it for me xD And I think L is aware… -ish. I just think he doesn't know what he should do with it and how he should handle it._**

 **Spooky ghost flower:** ** _hahahaha totally loved your review xD And yeah, I kind of feel bad for Olivia, but at the same time I am also really jealous, so it's complicated ;) And indeed, without Near and Matt, she'd be so lonely, I'm pretty sure she would've gone mad! Anyway, thank you very much and see you soon!_**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Love you guys! See you (hopefully) soon!**


	34. Stain

**I'm back! Well, not home, but I have a computer and WiFi, so yayy!**

 **I'm planning on going back to my regular schedule, which will be one chapter a week, but if I'm a few days late sometimes, or update more, that's because of vacation.**

 **OH YEAH, and there is something important you guys need to know. In this story, Kira was stopped way sooner than before, meaning that not all the criminals who died in the manga are dead in this story. This might seem insignificant, but believe me, it's not.**

 **Anyway, let's not drag this out any longer. Let's go!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **34\. Stain**

'Do you really want me to stay by L's side, whoever L is or becomes? Don't you want me to stay with you?'

He looked at me for a while, almost as if he was the one who'd asked the question. Then he repositioned himself, pulled his legs up even more, as if he wanted to hide behind them. He didn't look at me, but at the blanket, as he thought about what to answer. Then he spoke: 'I often find myself in the position where people do not wish to stay by my side, so I long ago stopped with wondering about things like that.'

That wasn't an answer, and we both knew it. The question was, why didn't he answer with a simple yes or no? To know that, I needed to know what he thought the result would be. If he'd said 'no', I would we hurt, but I didn't really think that he'd realised that. If he'd said yes, I would've been happy, I would've felt better about everything I was going through now. I would gladly stay by his side, whether it was as his new assistant or anything else.

But I wasn't sure that this was the way L thought. I studied his face, tried to find the answer in his face, his eyes. His eyes seemed so deep, like an endless pool of secrets and thoughts I could only dream of knowing. 'I'll do it,' I said softly, without really deciding that I was going to say it.

Ryuzaki didn't get it, which was both surprising and not surprising. Maybe he did get it, but felt it was necessary to ask for clarification, just in case. 'Excuse me?' he asked, just as softly.

I closed my eyes. Answers. I wanted answers. It was something I wanted so badly, but I knew that there were so many answers that I wouldn't like. And Ryuzaki wasn't the kind of person who'd answer my questions easily and clearly. Not about things like this, at least.

So maybe I should just give up. Maybe Ryuzaki really wasn't the type of person who I would have any relationship with at all. So why not be his assistant? If it was everything I could get. But I didn't believe that. Ryuzaki couldn't live as a human because he as L, but that didn't mean that he didn't want to. His words about him being a monster who had no understanding of the human heart told me as much.

'I will succeed Watari, if you'd let me,' I said my eyes still closed. I already felt the regret boiling up, even though I knew that choosing to stay beside L wasn't something I would regret. But the price I had to pay to stay might be more than I could handle. Not because of the world I left behind, but because I was degrading myself to obey Ryuzaki's will, forever. I could never be more than his pawn from now on.

I felt his breath on my face when he sighed. 'Yes, of course.' I didn't have to ask what would happen next, he told me immediately, almost as if he'd guessed that that would be my next question. 'You'll be in training with him during my next few cases until I deem you experienced enough to handle being my assistant alone.'

I smiled and opened my eyes, only a little, to look at his face. If he was happy, I couldn't tell. His face gave nothing away. 'When did you plan to leave?'

He smiled slightly. 'As soon as you'd said 'yes'.'

* * *

XxX

Leaving the orphanage made me sadder than I'd thought, even though no one seemed to care that much. Well, at least, that was my guess. Matt just gave me a nod and said: 'have a save trip home', but he said it like he knew that I wasn't going home, even though that was the excuse that Roger told the children. Mello didn't even come to say goodbye, but I believed that he would miss me most of everyone, secretly. I already imagined him spitting to Matt 'Why would I miss her?! She means _nothing_ to me. She's just a stupid girl!'.

Near said goodbye with an expression too composed to read. But he didn't seem that bothered. Still, I couldn't help but wonder if he would feel sad that he had to eat his meals alone again from now on. Maybe Lisa would sit next to him. And he'd grabbed my wrist for a short time before leaving, without saying anything, and something in that gesture seemed to mean 'stay'. But he never said the word, so I couldn't be sure. I managed to joke 'I'll probably see you in the future, Near' with a hidden meaning in it, that I thought he would succeed L in the end. I only dared to say it because Mello wasn't there and I really hoped Matt wouldn't tell him I said that. Because if I were to see Mello again, I didn't want him to kill me.

Watari was driving (I didn't even have a license, Ryuzaki had said that that was the first thing I needed to take care of) and me and Ryuzaki sat down in the backseat of the black car, as far away from each other as the car would allow, even though I wasn't entirely sure why. It felt like the logical thing to do, but I was already telling myself that this wasn't going to work. How could I succeed Watari like this? I couldn't. Because I was pretty sure Watari wasn't in love with Ryuzaki.

'Where are you going, actually?' I asked then, more to distract myself. Whatever the case, I was pretty sure it wouldn't be nearly as interesting as the Kira case.

'Los Angeles,' Ryuzaki answered. 'A criminal of personal interest to me has recently escaped his highly secured prison cell.'

I frowned. 'When did that happen?' I asked, wondering why this criminal was of personal interest to L. Was it a criminal he put behind bars? Probably. And if it was a prison cell that was almost impossible to escape, it was sure to capture L's attention.

'Not long after the Kira case was closed,' Ryuzaki muttered, 'but I had been waiting for a certain development. Since that didn't come, I decided to take the matters in my own hands. It probably was best this way.'

'Is the criminal dangerous?' I asked, shoving myself a bit closer to Ryuzaki, but not close enough to make one of us uncomfortable.

Ryuzaki opened his mouth to answer, then closed it again. He looked out of the window and his expression was one that I hadn't really seen before. 'Naturally,' he finally answered.

I nodded. 'Naturally,' I said almost business-like, even though I myself didn't even understand why I felt the need to repeat him.

We were silent for a while, then Ryuzaki asked me a question I hadn't expected him to ask. 'Are you going to miss them?'

I had been looking through the window, but turned my head when I looked at him. 'Miss who?' I asked, even though I had a pretty clear idea of who he meant.

'The children,' he answered, his voice saying the word 'children' sounded slightly odd. Maybe because it was a word he'd never said. Or maybe because he said it like he didn't really think they were children at all. 'They were your only friends, weren't they?'

I was pretty sure Ryuzaki wasn't purposely insulting me, but the fact that he was actually right kind of stung. 'Well, thank you!' I snapped. 'I have more friends than some little copies of you!' Okay, so maybe that wasn't fair to any of them. But Ryuzaki had struck a nerve.

He seemed to realise that now, too. 'I apologize,' he said, surprising me once again. Ryuzaki and apologising. The world might end. 'Judging from all information given to me, that's what I'd assumed.'

I wanted to spit 'well, maybe you shouldn't _assume'_ in his face, but that seemed like an odd thing to tell a famous detective, so I kept my mouth shut. Also, his assumptions had been right, so getting angry would be kind of odd.

I suddenly blushed. Not even five minutes in this car and I'd already given Ryuzaki plenty of reason not to hire me. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them, putting my cheek on my knees while looking out of window. I didn't think Ryuzaki was looking at me until he said: 'Are my habits rubbing off on you?'

I couldn't help but smile faintly. I would never sit in such a manner for my own pleasure. It wasn't a nice way of sitting. I didn't understand how he could sit like that, how can you think straight when you're constantly trying to stay in balance, and not fall of a chair of couch?

'Olivia?' he then asked, because I didn't answer. His voice had a hint of something in it… desperation? No, that was too strong a word.

But him calling that name reminded me of something. I put the other cheek on my knees so that my face was directed towards him. 'What will happen with my name when I succeed Watari? Even though Olivia Upson is technically not my real name, it is my legal name, so I suppose that won't do. What would be my name?'

Ryuzaki looked at me, slightly impressed. Or maybe I was just imagining that. 'Well, for now, I guessed we could just go with 'Allison'. We can always think of something…'

But I wasn't listening anymore. _Allison._ He wanted me to introduce myself as Allison again.

My parents had called me Allison. I barely remembered them, but I remembered their voices. My mother screaming my name when I did something risky, or my father laughing my name when I did something funny.

And then _him_. He only called me Allison when he wanted to hurt me, he just it against me, reminded me that I had a life before him and that I had left it behind completely forever.

Something hit me in the face before I could even register what was going on. One of my hand flew to the cheek Ryuzaki had hit. I blinked a few times before I realised why he'd done that.

'Well,' Ryuzaki mused. 'Haven't done that in a while.' He looked at me with a calculated look and I knew he wondered whether I would hit him back or not.

Instead, I said: 'Not Allison.'

He tilted his head to the side, then back to the other side. Then he nodded, his eyes closed ever so slowly and opened just as slowly. 'Not Allison, then.'

I breathed out a heavy sigh. 'Good.' I sat back up, put my legs down and stroke the hair out of my face. All while Ryuzaki was observing my with his thumb against his mouth. Sometimes I thought he bit the nail, but his nails all looked the same. Long, but not too long, and a bleak colour, the same as his skin. I didn't know nearly enough about biology to know why they looked the way they looked. Same for his skin and hair, actually. Though I could guess the reason his skin was so white. We never comes outside, never turns brown. I think he needed some mad sun crème if he was ever to set foot on a beach.

I noticed we'd both been staring at each other when our eyes met. We both didn't look away. I wondered how many awkward stared we'd already shared in our lives Probably more than enough.

But this time, it was different. I felt the blood rushing to my face and my hands started to tingle. My eyes drifted away to his mouth, but only after I saw his eyes were doing the same, staring at my mouth, the way my lips parted slightly, even though I hadn't planned on doing that. My focus shifted again, to his hand, but only because he'd moved it. Ever so slightly, he'd moved his hand more towards me.

And then he put it back and closed his eyes, and the moment was over. That didn't mean that the effect of it was completely gone. My face still felt hot and I had to look away to find a way to regain my composure.

'You okay, there?' asked Watari from the driver's seat. I thanked the heavens for the car wall separating us.

'We're fine, Watari, thank you,' answered L, one hand pressed against his forehead, his whole mind seemed to be somewhere else. He had pressed his eyes so securely shut that I had to wonder what it was he'd wished to unsee.

I certainly hope it wasn't me.

* * *

XxX

I don't know why we were taking a regular airplane. I was quite baffled by it, actually. When I asked Ryuzaki, he only said 'safety measurements', but maybe he just wanted to flash his fake passport more.

He had one for me, too, even though I was pretty sure Mello and Matt already had a fake one for me. What bothered me was that Ryuzaki had made us brother and sister. He told me it worked because we were both quarter Japanese (which would've made me happy, because it meant I had been right, but I was too frustrated to enjoy it), but I was pretty sure that no one at the airport was fooled. Watari being our grandfather worked a bit better, but not much.

'Do you want a souvenir?' Ryuzaki pointed at one of the many shops at the airport as we walked towards our gate.

I shook my head. 'No, thank you.' I was pretty sure he hadn't been serious anyway, but it didn't hurt to be polite every once and then.

As soon as we sat down by the gate, Ryuzaki grabbed his laptop and reverted back to complete silence. Watari had a book and read it silently, clearly his throat every now and then.

I didn't have a laptop nor a book, so I just stared at the airplanes and airport workers outside and wondered why we weren't flying in private like before. Ryuzaki hadn't even both business seats, for god's sake.

Okay, so I kind of god that if someone knew he was in England, they would keep the private airplanes in check, so that they knew when he was coming. But how could anyone know that he was in England in the first place? And second of, why not use business seats? I knew Ryuzaki liked privacy, and that was definitely the more private option, although much more expensive. But thinking about money wasn't relevant now, since Ryuzaki had enough, so that wouldn't have influenced his decision. Which meant that there was no reason for him to fly economy class.

Unless…

If someone somehow knew all of L's aliases, would it still be save? Ryuzaki had said that it was a personal matter. And if the criminal knew him that well, he would expect L to fly as privately as possible. He probably wouldn't even think about checking the people in the regular seats, but would just assume that his alias was one unknown to him.

How much trouble just to avoid someone knowing where he was going. Weren't we going after that criminal? He knew L was coming anyway, probably. This seemed pretty extensive.

Unless this person wanted L dead.

And he didn't care who he would take with him.

He could just crash the airplane, if he had enough power to do so.

I shivered and Watari immediately looked at me, as an observant parent of something. 'Are you cold, miss Upson.'

I shook my head, way too quick. I felt my hands sweat, but put my hands together to hide it. 'No, not at all.'

Watari looked at me for three more seconds before looking back at his book.

I looked outside again, but only for a short while. The idea in my head was already so clear that I looked at Ryuzaki and wondered who it was that wanted to kill him so badly that he would blow up an airplane.

Maybe this wasn't only a personal matter. Maybe this was much worse. If this was a person who wanted to kill L, no matter what, that meant L should stay away. But I already knew Ryuzaki could never do that.

But I couldn't help but wonder how many danger Ryuzaki was actually in right now. Of course, people were always trying to kill L, but he handled this case with such caution and if it was a personal matter, wasn't this person already much closer to L than all the others who'd tried to kill him had ever gotten?

Oh God, what did I get myself into?

* * *

 **XxX**

 **This is a really short chapter, I know! But I wanted to end it here, because it seemed like the right time to end it.**

 **And I have gained so many followers since I was gone! Thank you for liking my story, I hope I won't disappoint you in the future! Bye and until next time!**

 **REVIEW REPLIES**

 **(actually, because I've been gone, I have lost track of which ones I replied to, so I might forget to reply to a review, or accidently reply twice. Sorry about hat :S)**

 **cifer66: Thank you! Sooooooo much! I was thinking about stopping after Kira for a while, but it was so short then and I wanted to try what I would do with the story if I had that much freedom, so here we are. And again, thank you so much! I hope you'll continue to like this story! :D**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: Thank you! I try to keep the basic parts of the characters in it, but it's hard not to give them your own twist, but I'm glad to hear that you like it! And wow, one of your favourites, that's amazing! I never expected to be even near to anyone's favourites, so that's a really big compliment! I hope you liked this chapter!**  
 **AuroraStargazers: Haha, he's oblivious, and so frustrating sometimes! And yes, she has been through a lot *sigh* I hope thing will get better for her soon ;D And of course you're not rude, I get what you mean, but she feels like she needs L right now, even though we all know she can do it on her own. She only needs to realise that herself. And yes, I love how she became friends with Near, too! Aah, I already want him back in the story so badly! Anyway, bye bye and thank you!**  
 **Janeash: Hihi, I'm not that good at fluff, but it will be more fluffy from now on, I promise! ;)**  
 **Luna Latanya: She is English, but lived in America before going to America. That's where she was kidnapped, anyway, and where the gangsters had their headquarters, but just their last name, isn't that weird anyway? Calling someone 'Miss Upson' isn't something she'd find weird, but just 'Upson' is what bothered her. If I am wrong, which is completely possible, I just say she's a very weird person ;)**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Thank you for reading and following and everything! I'll give you all a strawberry to thank you for supporting me! *hands a strawberry to you* Bye bye!**


	35. It's Red

**I actually went to the trouble as to googling airlines who provided free WiFi in the airplane AND flew from London (any airport) to the Los Angeles International Airport. Jesus, I'm crazy.**

 **That and I have to mention that I'm going to take a few (maybe more than that…) liberties with a certain character that you guys probably already see coming… Just because there's not** ** _that_** **much information about him and I like to give him a character that we can all both love and hate, not just guess his personality from his performances and actions. So. Well. Yeah. Don't hate me.**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **35\. It's Red**

I wasn't sure how I felt about Ryuzaki wanting to sit next to the window. It was probably so that he only had me seated next to him and not many people could see him well, but I saw him near windows so rarely that the sight of it kind of confused me.

Me sitting in the middle was something I was even less sure about. I kind of understood why the assistant-type was sitting at the side of the alley, but these two factors resulting in me sitting in the middle was an idea I didn't fancy. As if this trip wasn't going to be awkward enough already. Now I had to disturb Watari every time I wanted to go to the bathroom.

'How long was the flight again?' I asked as I fastened my seatbelt.

'About 11 hours and 20 minutes, with a likely delay of at least ten minutes,' Ryuzaki answered as he put his laptop under the seat in front of him and frowned, but didn't speak, which made me wonder what he was thinking about.

Then a pack of gum appeared in front of my face. 'Want some chewing gum?' Watari offered, a friendly smile on his face.

I considered it for a while, then took it. Airplanes always made my ears pop.

Watari didn't offer it to Ryuzaki, which meant that he already knew Ryuzaki would refuse. Little things like this, shouldn't I remember those, too? I didn't have anything to write it down on!

And I really didn't know what it was I had to do. What did Watari do? In the beginning, he just was his manager. But he also made sure Ryuzaki ate (okay, it wasn't exactly a healthy diet, but he ate) and I bet he washed his clothes, too. And he drove him places. And he was always working on his computer, of course. Helping while also being almost completely invisible.

I could be invisible. I already felt pretty invisible most of the time, anyway.

The plane took off after a bit of delay (okay, well assumed, Ryuzaki) and after the long and boring safety instructions I decided to look for a movie I could watch. Then immediately changed my mind when I noticed Watari grabbing a laptop, too. Now I was seating in between twee working men and watching a movie in this set-up just seemed… well… weird. So I pressed the power button and stared at a black screen for a while.

And then I noticed that I actually felt tired. Not that I was going to sleep, because I knew they would come with drinks and food and I didn't want to underfeed myself. Even though I wasn't sure what the quality was of the food I was expecting.

I waited and my eyes were starting to fall shut on their own accord, but the gentle voice of a male (and rather handsome, actually) steward opened my eyes again. 'Your special food request, sir?' he said.

I noticed eyes looking at us, but Ryuzaki didn't even flinch. Watari turned to the steward and smiled. 'Yes, thank you.' Watari took the first tray from him and handed it to Ryuzaki. When I looked at Ryuzaki, I saw that he had somehow managed to put his laptop away in those few seconds. He put the tray on his table and I saw two pieces of cake and a little bowl of fruit. I sighed. It was so predictable it almost became boring.

Then there was a tray in front of my face and I looked at Watari, who was holding it, confused. He just smiled and said: 'special food request.' As if that would answer everything!

I grabbed it and put it back. And there was… a plate of sushi. And other Japanese dished I hadn't had in weeks because of the whole being-kidnapped-situation. The only thing that could make this complete was if my aunt was inside the trolley the steward was pushing.

Watari's food was fruit, vegetables and potatoes, which I wasn't sure if I found it surprising or not. Wat I didn't find surprising was the fact that Ryuzaki had already devoured one of his pieces of cake and was almost done with the second one.

'Thank you,' I told Watari before I started eating.

That gained me another kind smile. 'Don't thank me, I wasn't even aware Ryuzaki had made three special good request.'

* * *

XxX

After what I suppose I should call 'dinner', the lights in the airplane went off, which made not-sleeping a bit more difficult. Well, at least the light coming from Watari's and Ryuzaki's computers were bright. But still, my eyes were suddenly closed, and then I was dozing off…

I awoke feeling a slight pressure on my head and a hard object against my cheek. It took me a few second to realise what had happened, and I pressed my eyes even tighter shut when I realised it. My chee was laying on Ryuzaki's shoulder. And somehow, he has fallen asleep and his head had landed on mine.

Was he awake? Probably, Ryuzaki never slept. Was I annoying him? Was he trying to push me away with his head while working with his hands? But no, I didn't hear the familiar sound of his finger on the keyboard, nor did I feel pressure, so he wasn't trying to make me move.

With my eyes still closed, I listened. I heard Watari's fingers ticking on the keyboard and I heard the sound of a movie coming from in front of me, someone who had the volume on way too high. There were other sounds, a baby crying, a bit further away. But the clearest sound of them all, was the calm breathing of the man next to me.

His breath was so steady, so calm, that I concluded that yes, Ryuzaki might actually be sleeping. With would explain the head, it could've just moved there because of turbulence.

And of course, I immediately wanted to get out of there. What if he woke up? Did my hair smell bad? When was the last time I washed it again? I couldn't be comfortable to sleep on, had he needed a pillow? Had I failed as his new Watari already?

I heard a stewardess asking: 'do you want some water?', but it seemed much further away than it probably was.

'Sst.'

I froze. I had been wrong. Ryuzaki wasn't sleeping.

'Relax,' he said softly, almost like it was a request. 'Sleep some more.' His head moved when he spoke and it wasn't comfortable to be completely honest, but it felt good in its own weird way. He patted my head with his hand, the place he wasn't touching with his own head.

I nodded slightly, and I knew he felt it. In my head, I imagined him smiling that tiny smile that I loved so much.

And although I never really slept in planes, I managed to fall asleep for a second time.

* * *

XxX

When I woke up, the light was already back on in the airplane. And Ryuzaki was already working again.

So maybe I had only dreamed that situation from before.

But no, because his hand was still on my head, securing it for the turbulence, I guessed. With his free hand he was still typing and he was staring at his screen so intensely that I thought he hadn't even noticed I was awake.

So I did the only logical thing and tried to peak at what he was doing. What I saw was… nothing. Absolutely nothing. There were no pictures, just a white screen with words I didn't understand, like he was typing in some secret language. But the patterns were so familiar.

I recognised it immediately. 'You bought my software?' I asked, frowning. It was one of the first softwares I made. I called it the 'diary software', because you could type what you wanted, but it would result in different words. With the special code you used yourself, you could turn it back into the thing you actually typed, but to everyone peaking and reading the files, it would seem like gibberish. It was great because my aunt used to be one hell of a stalker. The university had bought it from me, but I didn't think they would ever sell it. Still, the fond, the patterns and the icons… it was all definitely my software.

'Yes, I did,' Ryuzaki answered. 'But I did some… modification. I wasn't going to risk others reading my file.' I knew that 'others' also included me, but I didn't say anything about it.

A vague smiled crossed my lips before I could stop it. Whatever he said, he was using my software, my program. My work. Maybe I wasn't such a hopeless Watari after all.

* * *

XxX

'You've _got_ to be kidding me.'

First we travelled the airplane like L was just a normal person and now this?!

'These walls aren't even sound-proof!'

'Yes, that's why I advise you to stop shouting,' Ryuzaki said, pretending not to be bothered by this situation at all. But I knew this must cause him discomfort.

We were staying in a hotel close to the airport. Not one of the more expensive hotels here, but one of the cheaper ones. Not the cheapest, I was sure, that would be too easy. And it wasn't a _bad_ hotel by any means. But it didn't have the grandness and luxury that Ryuzaki had almost had in every place he'd stayed. Even his room in the basement of Whammy's was fancier than this.

This was one of those family rooms you could ask for. There was a big bed and bunk bed with friendly, navy blue sheets with stars on them.

I really hope that this wasn't intentional. What was I, five?

'It's late, so let's try to get some sleep and get back to work in the morning,' Watari said, but there was something in his voice I hadn't heard before.

'Excellent!' Ryuzaki agreed before he grabbed his laptop and climbed to the highest bed of the two. He had already opened his laptop and was starting it up when Watari sighed and asked: 'Anything I can get you before retiring for today, Ryuzaki?'

'If you could get me a cup of coffee and something to eat,' it wasn't really a question, even though he kind of phrased it like one.

Watari sighed once more. 'Of course, Ryuzaki.' Then he turned to me. 'Anything for you, Miss Upson?'

I shook my head, suddenly realised that their relationship wasn't exactly like father and son. I didn't think Watari would ever order Ryuzaki to go to sleep and any father probably would if his son had such dark lines under his eyes.

Watari left the room after that, without really saying anything, leaving me alone in an awkward silence with Ryuzaki silently working behind his laptop.

I wanted to take a shower, but it somehow felt awkward to do that now. But I needed to open the suitcase if I wanted to brush my teeth, so I put the black suitcase that Watari had told me was mine, on floor and opened it. There was stuff from England in there, but mostly new stuff. Things Watari had to go and buy. Two different outfits, and both of those had copies. I had six outfits with me, three of one and three of the other. One of the outfits seemed black. When I took it out, I realised it was a uniform similar to the one Watari always wore. A suit, but a female version. It did have pants though, which was good, because that meant that either Watari or Ryuzaki had at least paid attention. And then there was the second outfit. Also pants, but pants similar to the ones Ryuzaki wore. It had a white shirt with black letters on it (it said _I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing._ I didn't think this had a hidden meaning, but I did tell myself to ask Watari about it later.) and a red jacket with dark blue strings completed the look. The first outfit had black shoes packed with them, while the second one had white sneakers.

After I was done searching the content of the suitcase, I sighed and looked up at the bunk bed, where Ryuzaki was still silent typing whatever he was typing.

Ryuzaki wasn't going to talk and I was quite sure he wasn't looking at me, so I grabbed the new tooth brush and tooth paste from the suitcase and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. And then I stayed there and showered, without really deciding that. So I didn't have anything to change into in the bathroom, but that wasn't really a problem, since Ryuzaki A, wouldn't be looking and B, he'd spied on Misa and wasn't even aware of how perverted that was, I was quite sure it wouldn't really bother him to see me dressed in nothing more than a big white towel. There was nothing to see anyway.

I walked into the room like that and kneeled down at my suitcase, grabbing the purple cloth that looked like some type of pyjama.

' _What are you doing?_ '

I looked up at Ryuzaki, who was staring at me with wide eyes. Like he'd just seen me being ripped apart by a vicious animal. 'No no,' he then said, holding one hand up to me, waving it like he was waving something away. 'Never mind. You showered and forgot to bring clothes. Perfectly understandable.'

Then why were his cheeks suddenly flushed?

'Ryuzaki?' I asked, staring up at him with a weird feeling in my stomach. _Why are you blushing?_

I felt hope somewhere, like a stupid feeling of magic and light in my stomach. If this upset him, maybe I had a chance. At least I had more of a chance than Misa – Misa! – who was a famous model and quite attractive. As long as she refrained from talking too much, although I didn't think that bothered Ryuzaki.

But Ryuzaki wasn't looking at me again and I soon realised I must've imagined it.

I snuck back into the bathroom to get changed, feeling stupid. Hope was so stupid.I should've gone with Watari, learned little things like where the fuck do you get cake in the middle of the night? But I didn't. I sat in this stupid hotel room and got my hopes up.

When I got out of the bathroom, Watari was also entering the room with a carton box and a tray with a big knife and cups, steam coming from them. As soon as he saw me in my attire, his eyebrows rose. 'You sure you don't want a piece of cake? It's vanilla with strawberries on top.'

That sounded delicious. But it was 3 in the morning in Los Angeles and I didn't want to get an even bigger jetlag than I was going to have anyway, so I refused again and walked towards the bunk bed.

'Oh no, miss Upson!' Watari said immediately. 'You are not to sleep there! Just sleep in the bed, I'll manage.'

 _But… you're old,_ I almost said out loud. 'Of course not, I'll sleep here, I haven't done anything or paid for anything yet.'

'Because that's not your task to do,' Watari told me. 'You are… a guest of some sorts. So please, just sleep in the bed. If I find my bed to be a discomfort, I'll order another room.' But it felt like he was telling me that he wasn't going to sleep at all tonight. He but the box down on the table and opened it, started to cut the cake (that looked _really_ delicious, by the way) in pieces.

'But—'

'Just to go sleep, Olivia,' Ryuzaki said and my fake name said by him always sounded slightly off. 'Tomorrow is a big day.'

'Is is?' I asked, frowning. 'Why, then? What are we going to do?'

Ryuzaki scratched his head and then stopped typing completely, as if answering my question asked all of his attention and concentration. 'Well, "we" isn't really the right term. Me and Watari will be in this exact room. _You_ are going to the prison as my decoy.'

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Oh gosh this chapter was hard! Why is L so complicated?! Well, he wouldn't be so amazing and lovable if he weren't, so I guess it's okay, but that doesn't make him easier to write.**

 **And sorry, this one was kind of short again. I can make them longer in the future, this one was mostly filler and just Olivia being stupid (no offense, of course, love you, Allison!)**

 **Anyway, thank you for reading! See you (hopefully) soon! (again, vacation-time is always kind of tricky…)**

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 **XxX**

 **REVIEW REPLIES**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: Thank you! I am having a great time, but my family is so loud sometimes! ;) And thank you, I always feel unsure in how to make their love story sound believable or something (that wasn't proper English, but let's roll with it).**

 **bored411: I felt like it was a crime** ** _not_** **to bring him into this! I love the concept of him so much, even though I do feel like we don't know nearly enough about him. I wish they'd done a manga spin-off that told his whole story properly, not just the book. But that's just me, I guess. And I am a sucker for happy endings, but I also enjoy taking my sweet time ;)**

 **AuroraStargazers: I think she could his job very well, but I think she just doesn't think so. We'll see how she does… xD ;D**

 **Luna Latanya: Sst, it's a secret xD Okay, so I didn't keep the secret very well ;D, but he is so amazing, I could not** ** _not_** **bring him into my story! And thank you for reading, updating is my pleasure *bows***

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 **XxX**

 **Thank you for reading!**


	36. Locked

**Hey hey hey hey hey! Here I am! Back again! Okay, so I watched a really weird television show this week and it really creeped my out, I don't know why! It wasn't even creepy or anything, but I just got scared. Too much imagination, I guess.**

 **And… too much information, Sofia, so let's get this chapter started. Enjoy!**

 ****I don't own Death Note. Never have, probably never will. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

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 **XxX**

 **36\. Locked**

 _Three months ago._

'Hey Morgan,' the man behind the bars mused, staring at the wall in front of him. The wall was good. Empty. Save. In a way.

'What is it?' she asked, annoyed. She didn't like speaking with the man. Not because he was crazy, because she didn't believe that. But because he _acted_ crazy for the sake of it.

'A wife finds her man dead in his office on a Sunday Morning. The wife calls the police, who come and question the wife and the staff. They tell the police what they were doing on Sunday morning, they tell the police their alibies. The wife says she was sleeping, the butler says he was cleaning the closet, the gardener says he was picking vegetables, the maid says she was getting the mail, and the cook says he was preparing breakfast. How can the police know who did it with this information?'

The guard sighed. He had been doing this for a while. Thinking of riddles, murder mysteries. He had started with an impossible one and told her he would give her a new one each day, getting easier and easier until she solved it.

She honestly didn't care who did it. It wasn't a real case and even if it was, she wasn't a detective, this wasn't her job. 'I don't ca—' She stopped, realised something she hadn't even tried to realise.

The criminal looked at her with hopeful eyes, knew she solved it. She might be stupid, but she wasn't _that_ stupid.

'There is no mail on Sundays,' the woman said slowly, surprised to know that she'd actually managed it this time. She solved it.

'Which means that…?' the criminal asked.

'Which means that it must've been the maid.' She still sounded so surprised. She suddenly felt proud, too, because she _did_ it. She'd cracked one of his stupid cases.

'Okay, well done,' he said, not really praising her. This one had been so easy, a child could've solved it. 'Now it's your turn.'

'My turn?' she asked, surprised. Her turn for what?

'To give me a mystery,' he said, trying to smile friendly at her. His social skills weren't as bad as _his_ but it wasn't exactly his area of expertise.

The woman thought about that for a moment. Then she thought about the biggest mystery of all. The case that had even involved the famous L, but was never really solved. It just… stopped. And even though they _had_ stated that the case was closed, she didn't believe it. They couldn't have capture the man without showing the public who it was and how it was done, that was outrageous. The police had been defeated and they had been too ashamed to admit it. 'Oh, I know a mystery,' she said with a sinister smile.

The criminal looked at her with curious eyes.

'Every heard of Kira, Beyond Birthday?'

* * *

XxX

'Well, "we" isn't really the right term. Me and Watari will be in this exact room. _You_ are going to the prison as my decoy.'

I was silent for a while. I considered getting angry, but what was there to be angry about? I was his employee, kind of, so I had no reason to argue. But I did have a right to ask questions, or so I believed. 'What is this about Ryuzaki? Why are you so… paranoid? Even more than usually, I mean,' I said, staring at him with the intend of staring the answer right out of him. It was also easier to tell when he was lying when I was looking at his face.

Ryuzaki looked down on me and there was something in his eyes that I couldn't understand. Something close to pain. Something close to human. 'This is about a case… an older case. And a man called Beyond Birthday.'

 _Beyond Birthday_. That didn't ring any bells, even though I wasn't sure why. If it was a criminal L had been involved in, I ought to have known.

'You won't know him,' Ryuzaki said to me, guessing my thoughts. 'But you know his case.'

'I do?' I asked, because I wasn't so sure.

Ryuzaki nodded. 'Yes. Ever heard of the Wara Ningyo Murders?'

My eyebrows rose. Of course I had. Three murders in Los Angeles, years ago already. The murderer was never found, according to the media. But the murders had stopped and the investigation was closed so quickly. I had found it strange, but it wasn't like it had never happened before. I should've known L had something to do with it.

'And I assume Beyond Birthday is the murderer behind that certain case?' I asked, trying to stay calm and composed. To be completely honest, I was kind of disappointed. Only three people dead, not a criminal like Kira. Maybe I… Maybe I _could_ do this. We captured Kira together, didn't we? A serial killer didn't seem half as bad now, now that I know how much worse it could be.

Still, Ryuzaki's expression sort of frightened me when he said: 'That assumption is quite correct.'

* * *

XxX

'Hello, miss Doward, I assume?'

The prison manager shook my shaking hand. 'I am Victor Heirs. We are aware of your situation,' he told me, observing me with different eyes because he knew who I was. Or thought he did. Ryuzaki only told me that he'd told the prison that L would come and see for himself what could have happened, but of course, this man couldn't be sure if I was actually L, or just one of his henchwomen.

'I'll first how you the cell he escaped from,' the man began, already beginning to walk.

' _Say you want to see the prison area first,_ ' Ryuzaki mumbled inside my ear.

I startled, but only had a few seconds to react. 'Actually!' I said, way too nervous. I thought I could hear Ryuzaki sigh in the earpiece Watari had given me. 'I'd rather see the area first, if I may.' There, that was phrased and handled nicely.

The manager – Mister Heirs – blinked surprised. Then he nodded: 'Of course, miss Doward.'

'Please, call me 'Rhine' from now on,' I said, saying it exactly the same way as Ryuzaki had said it when he asked us to refer to him as 'Ryuzaki'.

Victor Heirs didn't seem to like calling me by my first name so soon, but it wasn't my first name, so I wasn't too bothered. 'Surely, miss Rhine.'

He started to walk again and Ryuzaki sighed in my ear. ' _You didn't have to go that far. That seemed suspicious._ '

I walked slower so I could talk back to Ryuzaki. 'You said you wanted the surveillance to pick up on that name,' I whispered without moving my mouth too much. A trick I had learned in college, though it hadn't been this necessary until now. Back then, it was just a funny trick. See me sing with my mouth closed!

When Ryuzaki had told me to be sure to drop my fake front name 'Rhine', I had been confused. When I asked him why, he answered it was to send a message. 'How then?' I had asked.

'Because Beyond Birthday knows that I prefer aliases that start with the letter 'R',' had been his answer.

' _Yes, but you could've disguised it better,'_ Ryuzaki said here and now, talking to me through an earpiece that was black and could be easy to noticed if I hadn't worn my hair down. _'It wasn't supposed to be obvious like that. He needs to think I didn't want him to figure out you work for me._ '

I rolled my eyes, but didn't really mean it. I knew how serious this situation really was. Then I looked up at one of the cameras in the long grey corridor I was walking through and stood still. 'Are you watching me?' I asked, curious, still barely moving my lips.

' _Yes, I am. Now stop the suspicious behaviour. I'm probably not the only one watching._ '

I shivered and it was at that moment that mister Heirs realised I wasn't following him anymore. 'Miss D— Rhine?' he asked, looking back at me with curious eyes.

I looked away from the camera, at him. 'Yes, excuse me.' I decided to pretend I was actually doing something necessary. 'Are those cameras in good shape? You said there was no footage of the criminal escaping.'

'Yes, well,' he sounded almost ashamed as he spoke. 'That's why we assumed he had help from someone, the footage that was played the day he escaped, was actually the previous month's footage.'

Smart. Not the day before, that was too obvious. Not the previous week, because the numbers showing the date at the bottom of the security screens would be noticed easier like that. But if one number was off in those numbers, who would notice, really?

Was it possible, had he gotten help from within? 'You said his name was Beyond Birthday, did you not?' I asked and I noticed that Ryuzaki had stopped breathing into the microphone.

This question was stupid, dangerous and all in all weird. Victor Heirs looked at me with a confused look in his eyes, then turned around and started walking. We went into the now empty prison cafeteria as he spoke: 'Yes, although we found several fake passports and documents in which his name was Rue Ryuzaki.'

I froze. Still. I had been right, hadn't I? No, not only that, it was even worse. This criminal that had escaped, had more ties with Ryuzaki than I'd thought. Family? I wasn't sure. Did L have any real family? Wasn't he an orphan?

 _So… Another orphan, then?_ I thought. Like Mello, but crazier? No, that wasn't the right profile, this man was too old for that, they told me he was going to turn twenty-two later this year, much older than Matt. Older than me. And Matt had been the eldest orphan, that much was sure. So, did this mean Beyond Birthday _couldn't_ be one of the orphans that had lived there? Well, he could, he really could. It seemed like the only logical conclusion.

' _Don't say things I didn't ask you to say,_ ' Ryuzaki said, but he didn't sounds angry at all.

I just smiled. 'Hmm. I must say, I prefer that name. Beyond Birthday sounds so terribly dramatic.'

 _And now you're pissing him off,_ I thought to myself, not Ryuzaki didn't say anything in response to that. Instead he said: ' _Ask him if he ate here as well, because I don't think he would._ '

'Did Beyond Birthday come here to eat, too?' I asked, not bothering to write anything down. Ryuzaki could type everything he heard on his laptop, I wasn't going to go through the trouble.

Victor Heirs shook his head. 'He didn't come here often. He wasn't really… stable around people.'

'Stable?' I asked after Ryuzaki had asked for clarification.

Victor Heirs scratched the back of his head, seemed suddenly uncomfortable. 'Well, you see, after the whole incident, we assumed something like that. A man with such a past most likely has some mental issues. But it was more than it, it seemed. The man was a little… strange. Always was, of course, but around people he… well, sometimes he just went nuts. Shouting there was were way too many words and letters to even see. Shouting that he couldn't see someone death coming if all the numbers were so close.'

I frowned. That sounded… way too odd and familiar at the same time. 'You sure know him well, mister Heirs.'

Victor Heirs shrugged. 'It wasn't that hard to know Beyond Birthday well. He is very… unforgettable. And he always shouted the same thing for weeks until we stopped trying.'

' _Ask if he ever attacked anyone,_ ' Ryuzaki said.

'No, not physical attacks, no,' mister Heirs answered.

That was an oddly specific answer. 'And?' I asked before Ryuzaki ordered me to.

The man frowned. Then he sighed. He looked so troubled, so intensely troubled. I wondered what it was that this Beyond did that seemed to disturb him. And the guards, too. They looked at me with curiously, but kept their distance. Their curiosity didn't outgrow there fear for that person. 'I'll bring you the archive and _show_ you what I mean.'

* * *

XxX

The archive was where they kept all the old camera footage and all the documents about the criminals. Both on computers and in paper. Mister Heirs showed me to a young woman named Natalia (they didn't give me a first name) and ordered her to show some footage from Beyond in his first week.

It was the cafeteria and she started playing it from the moment the guards dragged him in.

But they had to stop there.

This was weird. I had _seen_ pictures of Beyond and he hadn't looked anything like Ryuzaki. His hair, maybe, but it was dyed black. I had seen the fake dark colour and I'd seen the brown on top, where his real hair was replacing the fake hair colour. But except for the hair, he had definitely been a different person.

But now, on this footage, he suddenly looked exactly like him. No, not exactly. But enough to be fooled if you didn't know what you were looking at. Suddenly I considered taking everything back. If _this_ was Beyond, he and L _must_ be related.

I stared as Beyond pulled up his nose in a way Ryuzaki wouldn't do, even though all his other movements looked very Ryuzaki-like. 'Get them out of here!' he said then and even his voice kind of sounded like Ryuzaki, although Ryuzaki would never shout like this. 'All the numbers, all the letters! How to choose? How to decide?' he laughed hysterically.

' _Stop,_ ' Ryuzaki ordered.

'Stop,' I said, much more breathless than L had said it.

They paused the video. I tried to process what I'd just seen. A person that looked like Ryuzaki, screaming crazy things and laughing like it was nobody's business. This was insane. Even worse than I'd imagined. _A serial killer with only three murders on him shouldn't be like this, right?_

' _Are you okay, Olivia? I can't do anything for you if you get a panic attack._ ' And even though this was a serious situation, I almost started laughing. Of course that was this was about. Not my safety, of because he was worried about me. But because I could easily blow my cover.

'I'm fine,' I told him as well as the two prison workers looking at me. 'Show me the rest.'

I watched how Beyond Birthday got dragged out of the cafeteria, still laughing and screaming, but never happy. No, he certainly didn't seem happy.

 _He seemed hurt._

Natalia stopped the video. 'That was everything,' she said to her boss.

'Now show her one of his attacks on the guards,' Victor Heirs ordered and I saw how her face became faller and she swallowed before looking through the files and clicking on a video.

It was a video of Beyond Birthday, again he looked so much like L it was disturbing, and he was sitting in in the corner of his cell, on the bed. He was looking at his fingers, saw how the light of the small window played on his skin. 'Tell me something, Gareth,' he said then and one of the guards suddenly stood straighter, shocked.

'H-h-h-how do you know my—' the guard started, but Beyond held up one hand to stop him.

'Please, no questions. Your questions are so frightfully dull,' Beyond said and yes, his voice did sound like Ryuzaki. The same patterns, the same tone. The difference was in the details. Ryuzaki always sounded as if nothing bothered of surprised him, as if he was always doing math inside his head and that math was way more important than whatever was going down outside of his head. Beyond Birthday sounded like he was thinking of something funny and tragic at the same time as he spoke.

'I was wondering, Gareth, what will kill you?' he asked the man, sounding actually curious.

I couldn't see the face of the guard very well, but he sounded annoyed when he said: 'Shut your trap, filth. I have no time for your intimidation.'

A smile played on Beyond's lips. His smile wasn't right either. It wasn't a smile Ryuzaki would ever smile. 'Neither have I. I was only curious.'

'You're not trying to intimidate me?' the guard asked.

'Of course not,' Beyond answered. 'We are in a position in which it is likely impossible for me to do so.' His choice of words and the way he spoke was way, way, way too much like Ryuzaki, so I focused on the guard instead.

'Then why are you talking to me, boy?' the guard spat.

'Gareth, calm down,' the guard next to him said carefully.

There were no other criminals, or guard, for that matter, in that area. It was only Beyond and these two. If anything were to happen, only the camera could tell.

'I am talking to you,' Beyond said, ignoring the other guard, 'because your numbers have gone down quite a lot compared to when I last saw you. What happened? Booked a vacation and is the airplane going to crash? Bought a new car that's going to be the end of you? Did your wife die, and are you now depressed? Brother sliced open by the mafia? What changed your numbers, Gareth?'

Now Gareth seemed angry, but there was a strange sort of despair in his voice when he spoke. 'You have no right to pry into my personal business!'

'Quite correct,' Beyond almost immediately agreed. 'I don't have much rights at all now, do I? I apparently didn't even have the right to die.'

I frowned, my eyes focused on the young man now. Ryuzaki had send me here with little to no information about Beyond's case outside of the fact that the name the media had given it was the Wara Ningyo Murders. Had he tried to kill himself? Was he actually clinically depressed?

'You little… Shut your trap, okay?!' the guard said and I knew he felt tempted to take his gun out. I was surprised he didn't actually do that.

Beyond Birthday's eyebrows rose. 'Now who's trying to intimidate who, Gareth? But I must warn you, I won't be intimidated. I won't be submissive to you, even if you have the rights and the power to make me.' A smile that wasn't genuine at all played across his lips, as if he was remembering something tragically funny. 'It's one of the few things I can boast about.' Then he looked directly into the security camera. 'But you already know that, don't you?'

I walked back, away from the screen. Natalia pressed the stop button.

I really did not want him to, but Victor Heirs decided to start talking. 'Less than two weeks after this incident, Gareth Hartfield jumped from a bridge in downtown Los Angeles and died.'

Numbers. His numbers went down. He saw the numbers go down. _Shinigami._

No. No. This couldn't be it. This couldn't be the solution to whatever this man was. This was about _L,_ not the Death Note. This couldn't be about the Death Note.

'Miss Rhine?'

I pulled myself together and decided to talk myself, seeing how Ryuzaki hadn't said anything in minutes. 'His appearance?' was my only question.

'Ah, yes, I assumed you wouldn't ask, seeing how you gave us permission to let him,' mister Heirs answered.

I played along. 'Yes, well, I didn't expect that you would let him do it for a long period of time,' I said.

Mister Heirs didn't look surprised. 'I… we helped him with his supply. He was a hard to manage criminal and if he didn't… look like that, he was even less cooperative. We had no choice but to...'

'No choice but to…?'

'Give him more make-up and prosthetics,' Natalia answered. 'He wouldn't come out of the douche space without make-up, he refused to look into the camera without make-up. He didn't want anyone to see his face, except for when it looked exactly like that.' She gestured to the screen that still showed a paused picture of him.

' _Tell them it's fine,_ ' Ryuzaki said. His voice sounded rough, as if he was trying to do more things at the same time. ' _Tell them to start telling you about his escape now._ '

'His escape?' I said, way too quickly. 'I mean, there must've been a motive for him to escape after years of being… kind of obedient?'

The manager looked at his employee, seemed ashamed again. 'They shouldn't have told him, it wasn't right. Prisoners here are allowed to see the news, but because y— L had advised us not to let him watch the news because he could react in a dangerous way if the news was ever about L or anything related to that topic, we never let him anywhere near the news. It was Morgan who did something rash and stupid.'

'What did she do, Mister Heirs?' me and Ryuzaki asked at the same time.

He finally looked up to look me into my eyes as he responded: 'She told him about the Kira case, miss Rhine.'

I stumbled back even further. What _was_ this? What was happening? This couldn't be happening. It was supposed to be over. It was _meant_ to be over! Why? Why was all of this happening now? Did Ryuzaki do this on purpose? Did he drag me into this because he knew this case had something to do with the Death Note? But how were those two connected?

'I want you to send me all the footage of Beyond Birthday from the exact moment Morgan told him until his escape,' I ordered even though Ryuzaki hadn't. Ryuzaki was silent, but he didn't say anything as I said that, so I supposed it was fine. Maybe, even helpful. 'And I want you to bring me to his prison cell. I want you to show me where this man was kept.'

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 **XxX**

 **Yayy, chapter over! And a longer chapter again, finally! The story is going in a completely different direction now, but I hope you guys will like it anyway! And Beyond is hard to write, Jesus Christ! So yes, I do take a few liberties with him, mostly because we don't really get to know the real him in any form of Death Note-media. But I hope you'll like my version! ;)**

 **XxX**

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 **REVIEW REPLIES**

 **Queen-of-Ice101:** ** _Precisely! The characters with the most detailed personality are hard, but I figured out now that writing without those many personality restrictions is kind of scary, too! Because you never know if people like the way you interpret the character… anyway, thank you very much and I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well! :D_**

 **Guest (My Favorite DNS):** ** _Oh. Wow. I almost got kind of teary eyed when I read your review (I'm actually not kidding!)! And hey, I did put that disclaimer there with a reason xD, because you have the people that can't handle typos, but I often finish writing a chapter at – like – 3 AM on a school night, so then I put my sleep first. But anyway, thank you so, so, so, so much! I never considered myself awesome, actually. You are really sweet and your review seems more to me than you can ever even phantom, thank you so much and I hope I won't disappoint you!_**

 **bored411:** ** _Hey, I updated! I think it is working out kind of well? I mean, she is by no means perfect, but I don't think L expected her to be, so I guess it's fine ;) We'll just have to see how it goes…_**

 **AuroraStargazers:** ** _Hahaha, thank you! Well, not much cuteness in this chapter, but that'll come, I promise! Plot and characters, trying to keep the balance can be hard ;) And hahaha, I get confused sometimes, too. And to make it even more confusing, add 'Rhine' to her list of names, too xD. Let's just call her whatever we like and hoped you liked this chapter!_** ** _X-Sofia_**

 **Luna Latanya:** ** _Hihi, I hope you did love it, but dum, dum DUM! It's not done yet (duh). Hehe, and I love updating, so the pleasure was all mine. Thank you for reading! :)_**

 **chrisreader13:** ** _Thank you! I can't wait to write what happens! ;D (was that even correct English? Oh well…)_**

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 **XxX**

 **Thank you for reading! See you next time!**


	37. Adventage

**_So, so, so, so wonderful!_** **(and then I didn't know the lyrics and decided to stop the song). Okay then, let's write on!**

 **And yes, I'm updating a bit later. I almost forgot, actually! The days went by too fast for me. Before you know it, it's already time for school again. Jesus Christ, how will I live?**

 ****Oh look, I still do not own Death Note. What a shame. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

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 **XxX**

 **37\. Adventage**

Ryuzaki was silent as I walked after mister Heirs, who had become quiet as well. Natalia had stayed behind to send me (well, Ryuzaki, technically) the files I had requested. I was kind of in the dark now, Ryuzaki didn't ask me to say something, which probably meant that if he had been in the same situation as me, he would've been quiet as well. No wonder people were scared of him when he appeared in public.

'Ryuzaki?' I whispered, but there was no response whatsoever.

Great. Maybe he had fallen off his bed and broken the equipment or something. Or maybe he was in shock.

We walked for quite a bit. When we were walking for so long that I started to frown, Victor heirs started to talk. 'At first, he wasn't so far away from the others,' he said. 'But because of his… behaviour, we decided that it would be better to keep him away from the others.'

Naturally. Because madness was contagious. Seriously, what was up with this prison's logic?

'We're here,' Victor Heirs then said and my head shot back up.

It wasn't like _Silence of the Lambs_ or anything, but the feeling I got as we approached the prison cell was pretty damn close. It was a clean cell, nothing like the movies where it looked like the prison was build hundreds of years ago. They were painted a lighter grey and the door was open.

But the cell was the creepy part. It was the blood on in the corridor. The bodies had already been removed, it had already happened three days ago, we were only here now because of my struggles with coming or not. Stupid. So ridiculously stupid.

'Is… Do we know how he got the door open?' I asked, trying to stay calm. L had seen so many scenes like this. _I_ had seen so many scenes like this. Why was this bothering me? I wasn't even sure why. Maybe because Ryuzaki seemed to know this person.

'He didn't have to get them open,' the manager admitted with a sigh.

I frowned. ' _What do you mean?_ ' Ryuzaki asked before I could and I repeated to question to mister Heirs.

'He was going to go outside. He had been on good behaviour for months, it was his prize for being kind.'

' _How many months?_ ' Ryuzaki asked.

'Three. That's our thing. If you are good for three months and there are no problems, you get that privilege.' Mister Heirs made a sour face. 'He might have taken it too literally.'

'So… what happened?' I then asked before Ryuzaki could, staring at the blood.

'That's the… unusual thing,' Mister Heirs said. I already noticed he took a lot of breaks before finishing a sentence. 'He killed them by choking them with the handcuffs he was wearing, because he was going outside, safety measures, but then, he… cut them open.'

I was silent for a moment. 'Cut them open?' I asked.

 _'_ _Ask him if he has left any messages. Any clues,'_ Ryuzaki's voice sounded odd, but I didn't have time to think about that now.

'Has he left any messages?' I asked before he could answer my first question.

Mister Heirs nodded. 'Three, actually.'

' _You only told me about one._ '

'Because we only knew about one when we spoke.'

' _What has changed?_ '

'The bodies were removed. And then we realised that there… were messages on their back.'

'Messages?' I asked.

'Yes,' Mister Heirs said with a nod. 'We had the numbers on the guards' arms, of course,' he went on as if I knew everything. 'But on their backs, there was more.'

' _Letters?_ '

Another nod. 'Yes. On one guard were the letters BB, a reference to his own name, we assumed.'

' _And the other?_ '

'The other one of slightly more… random, at least it seemed to us as such. Two letters again, but this time, it was LL.'

Ryuzaki didn't say anything. And he didn't have to. I suddenly felt the truth more than I ever wished I could.

Those weren't Beyond Birthday's initials. Those were L's.

* * *

XxX

I took a cab back to a hotel I wasn't staying at, according to plan. I stayed inside for about an hour, than sneaked out through the window in the toilet. Then I walked on the street and entered the bakery Ryuzaki had showed me a photo of, bought a chocolate cake (which felt like the most Watari-thing I'd ever done) and walked to another hotel. There I ate a bit of the cake (I was waiting, anyway) and as I waited in the lobby, I looked around, watching people.

There was a family of four at the reception, checking in probably. And there was a hotel working watering the plants. When he came to water the plant near me, he gave me a little not. 'Got your heart broken, honey?' he asked with a thick southern accent. He was young, probably just working here temporary to buy of his college debt or something, and had dyed red hair and big brown eyes. He looked at me for a second, than looked away with a lot of disinterest. As if I bored him right out of his mind.

Maybe I should've just said 'yes', but I really did not want to. 'No,' I said, shaking my head. 'I was just hungry.' I couldn't manage to smile. I kind of felt like I was in shock, to be perfectly honest. But if I was, Ryuzaki would notice as soon as I would be back. And then he would slap me. And laugh I my face. And fire me.

'Sure, honey,' he said, not convinced at all. He stopped watering the plant, but didn't look up to look at me. 'You're not going to jump in front of a bus for some mysterious guy with dark eyes, ey?' he asked. 'Time's running out, dearie.'

I shivered and wanted to stand to tell this person that he really had no right to say those things to me, but then I saw a familiar car and grabbed the box of cake. 'I have to go,' I said as rudely as I could.

'Sure, honey,' he answered. I walked away, shaking my head. But before I could leave the hotel, I realised that he had no reason to assume that the guy who broke my heart had dark eyes.

I turned around to quickly the cake fell out of my hands and on the floor. No one. He was gone. Only a female worker came running to me when she saw the mess I'd made. 'Oh miss! Are you alright?' she asked me, but I was still staring at the spot where the young man had asked me if I had gotten my heart broken.

Jesus Christ, I was starting be become just as paranoid as Ryuzaki.

* * *

XxX

I stepped into the car and immediately Watari asked me what had happened to the cake. I mumbled an excuse and we started driving. Even though he asked me questions, I was too much in a daze to answer them.

I wondered if Watari was just as blind as I was. Not knowing anything, not doing anything. Just… listening to Ryuzaki and doing what he said. Just staying by his side. Could I do that? I always wondered if I was good enough, but that wasn't the issue here. Could I handle being blind, that wasn't the question either. The question was whether Ryuzaki could stop keeping me in the dark, if I could convince him to enlighten me.

Probably not.

I had been right about something, though. As soon as Ryuzaki saw me, his face became paler and he jumped of the bed. 'Watari, fill the bathtub with warm water. Now.'

Watari was immediately gone, but Ryuzaki stayed, grabbed the blanket from his bed and wrapped it around me.

'I-I-I-I'm not cold,' I said. Then I remembered the blood on the wall and the man with the red hair. Oh my god, he could've just killed me right there if he'd wanted to! If he really knew L well, he knew I wasn't him. 'Oh g-g-g-g-god. I have to go back. There was—' I was heading to the door, but Ryuzaki stopped me.

'No, I advise you to not move. I rather have you lying down, but I think the warm water will be the better option.'

'I want… water,' I said. I swallowed. 'And I feel sick.'

'Sssh, everything's fine,' Ryuzaki said, something he never really said. 'I think you're just having another one of your attacks. It's fine.'

'What? Huh?' I found myself laugh. 'That's funny. I've never had this kind of attack before, right? I mean, if it was, you would just hit me and I would be angry, but I'm not trapped in the past, I'm actually quite sure I'm in the present right now and If you do hit me, I will hit you back of course. I still have to hit you for a lot of things I believe and oh my god, why can't I stop shaking?'

Ryuzaki grabbed my shoulders to keep me in place, his face pale and dark, but he didn't seem worried necessarily. He just looked… calculating. He studied my face for a long while before he asked: 'Where's the cake?'

Asking about cake in such a situation, I managed to laugh. But it still sounded scared. God dammit! Could I not be weak in front of L for once? Jesus Christ, it was like the universe wanted him to think I was some weak rabbit or something. 'I dropped it,' I said, sounding much better already.

A small smile appeared on his face. 'How did you manage that?'

'There was—' I stopped. Realised that Ryuzaki was already pretty freaking paranoid. Would it really help him if I told him this? _What would Watari do?_ Watari, even though he was very obedient, always had Ryuzaki's best interest in mind. The thing is, I wasn't sure _what_ was in Ryuzaki's best interest right now. 'I was just being stupid,' I lied, trying to shrug. The lying kind of distracted me, even though I did not stop shaking.

Ryuzaki studied my face again, this time much longer. I noticed how my eyes widen and it became harder and harder to breathe, as if his eyes were choking me, but in a good way.

And then he suddenly flicked his finger against my forehead.

'Jesus Christ!' I shouted, stepping back instantly. With one hand against my forehead, I asked: 'What was that for?!'

A smug smile played on his lips. 'I wanted to try something else instead of hitting you. It seems like it had a similar effect.'

'You little— Come here! I'll kill you!' I ran towards him, but he grabbed my wrists and he started laughing as I tried to pull myself free.

It was his laugh that stopped my anger, made my stare at his face in awe. And as soon as my anger left me, Ryuzaki's grip loosened, though he did not let go. He was looking back at me, the same sort of fascination in his eyes. One of his hands crept up, to my shoulder, the other one still held my wrist. He moved so slowly, as if I as an animal that would bite if he wasn't careful.

The hand on my shoulder moved further, to the back of my neck. My mouth fell open slightly and I immediately noticed how his eyes dropped to my mouth and I knew what he was going to do, wanted him to do it so badly. The hand on the back of my neck pulled me forward, so close that I could feel his breathe on my face, so close that I also dropped my gaze, looked at his mouth instead of his eyes.

And then the door to the bathroom opened. 'The bath is ready,' Watari announced.

Ryuzaki acted way faster than me, shot away before I could even process anything that was happening. When I did, about half a second later, I shot away from him, too, leaving e huge gap between us.

Watari noticed, of course, but interpreted it the wrong way. 'Oh my,' he said, 'don't tell me you youngsters are having a fight?'

'No!' we said at the same time. I felt a sudden urge to look at him, to see if I could read his expression, but I didn't, simply because my face was already red and I really did not want to look any more like a tomato.

I decided to completely change topics. 'Did you say the bath was ready, Watari? I'll take a quick bath.' I walked towards the bathroom door and Watari made room for me to enter. Standing in the door frame, I turned around once more, still not looking at Ryuzaki's face. 'Well then. Bye.' I did the unnecessary thing and bowed before flying into the bathroom and closing the door, after which I sat on the ground against the door for a few minutes, wondering what the hell just happened.

* * *

XxX

'That code,' I asked much, much later that evening, when it had become clear to me that Ryuzaki was once again going to act like nothing ever happened. 'Do you have a copy of it here? Did you decipher it?'

Ryuzaki didn't look up from his laptop as usual. 'I was actually wondering how much you could get out of it.' Without looking at me he grabbed something from the bunk bed and put his arm over the edge of the bed zo that I could reach the paper he was holding out to me.

It was a picture with the following numbers in the following order. _7 12 8 14 22 19 15 12 20 22_.

Codes, coding in general, was my thing. My brain immediately started to work and I also immediately started to ramble. 'The numbers suggest that we need to transfer them into the letters of the alphabet, which creates… _G_ _._ _L_ _._ _H_ _._ _N_ _._ _V_ _._ _S_ _._ _O_ _._ _L_ _._ _T_ _._ _V_ _. With the lack of certain important letters and the amount of letters at the last half of the alphabet suggest that this is also the alphabet backwards, which means… TOSME_ _HLOGE_ _._ ' I frowned. 'That doesn't seem right either. I miss a step, one that's harder to figure out. If it's columnar coding, I'll probably need a keyword, but both LL and BB aren't an option for the keyword. Too short and two letters that are the same never work with coding, unless it is a letter count, but that would mean that the keyword had something to do with the number 2 and that seems way too easy for a guy who put the code there for the greatest detective on earth to find. And also—'

I stopped when I noticed Ryuzaki was looking down on me with a smile I did not understand. 'What is it?' he asked when I stopped, a small frown on his face.

I swallowed and cleared my throat. 'Nothing, I just—' I glanced over at Watari. Having any sort of talk about what almost happened today with him there seemed odd and honestly kind of awkward, but it was killing me. 'I wanted to ask you if you'd already figured it out and only asked me to test me.'

 _Were you really going to kiss me?_

Ryuzaki slowly shook his head. 'No, I actually came about as far as you. Your solution is clearly the most logical one, but, of course, not the only one. So, your next assignment is to decipher it using as many coding systems as possible. If it's a keyword you need, I be BB will leave a hint for us soon enough.'

'Leave a hint?' I asked, suddenly I felt cold, like my body realised what he'd meant before I did. 'Leave a hint where?'

Ryuzaki sighed. 'Near a crime scene, probably.'

I was silent for a while, staring at Ryuzaki as he looked at his laptop. 'What are you looking at, Ryuzaki?' I asked, because he wasn't typing as much.

'Why did he do it?' Ryuzaki mused. 'That's what I'm trying to figure out. He could've escaped before, I truly believe that, since this all seemed so easy for him. But why did he suddenly _want_ to escape? Was it Kira? Does BB really have something to do with Kira?'

'Could it be possible?' I asked. 'Could he have a Death Note and traded for the Shinigami eyes? That would explain his rambling about numbers and letters.'

Ryuzaki looked down at me, his eyes wide. 'It would, wouldn't it?' But then he shook his head. 'But that can't be it, not completely it. I'm missing something. What am I missing?'

 _A girlfriend, perhaps?_ I almost laughed out loud at my own silent remark.

Of course, almost or not, Ryuzaki noticed. 'What is it?'

I pressed my lips together. 'Nothing.'

* * *

XxX

After hours of deciphering Watari sent me to buy some sweet foods for Ryuzaki and some more substantial food for the two of us.

'Try to buy something else than cake. Muffins perhaps,' Watari suggested. 'Even sugary sweets can be varied and a varied diet is important.'

I didn't bother asking Watari 'what diet?' but I did give him a small smile to confirm out little conspiracy.

I bought some cupcakes at a local grocery store and a bunch of cookies and candy. The bakeries were closed, so cake wasn't really an option anyway. It was late, too, probably after 10, so most stores were closed. I grabbed three packages of those crappy 'to-go'-sandwiches that stores sometimes. With one plastic bag full of food I headed back to the hotel, when something stopped me.

A small café. There weren't many people there, but a group young women were sitting outside of the café, clearly a bit drunk, but also having lots of fun.

I don't think I ever had that much fun with friends before.

And I only looked because one of them had shouted at me: 'Hey lady!'

It was weird that she'd called me lady, but she was drunk, so I guess I could forgive her.

When I looked at the group, the girl who'd shouted – a young woman with blond hair and sunglasses on, even though it was already dark outside – kept on talking to me: 'You look lonely. Want a drink?'

And maybe being stuck in a room drove me mad. Maybe Ryuzaki was so frustratingly confusing that I needed it. Or maybe, just maybe, I just stopped thinking for a moment, but when the girl said: 'Well? Do you want a drink or not?' I answered with a short: 'Sure.'

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XxX

'And then he leaves me!' I shout out to the girls. 'Just because we're done with work doesn't mean we cannot be friends anymore, right?'

'Friends with benefits!' said the girl with the red hair who I now knew was called Chelsey.

'To hell with boys!' shouted another one.

'Heavens to Betsy, Liv! You must have it tough!' the blond one said. 'Office romance never works out!'

'Let's drink on that one!'

I laughed. 'Office romance,' I said, knowing that I was talking strangely, but not bothering to try and sober up. I wasn't far gone enough to spill secrets or to even start having flashbacks and rambling about all the horrible things in life. This was drunken complaining. And I had needed it more than I'd thought I did.

I hiccupped as if my brain was telling me that no, I didn't need this and yes, I had to stop drinking. But I decided to ignore it.

'Have you ever done it with him?' the girl named Sylvia asked then, shutting the other three girls – and me, of course – up.

'Pfft!' I laughed even louder, then gave her a little push as I spoke. 'He isn't like that! He's like… not a human, you know? He's like an alien. An alien with weird hair and dark eyes.' I laughed as I raised my glass again. 'And he kind of looks like vampire, too.'

'Oh what, does he sparkle in the sun?'

'He's rarely in the sun.'

'Good Lord! He's also an introvert? Liv, you know how to pick 'em.'

'At least tell me he's – like – ridiculously hot.'

'Well, if he was, it would be an extreme medical condition and I really cannot advise you to fall for that sort of physically fragile being.'

My eyes shot up and I saw four faces. No, wait… two faces. Watari and Ryuzaki. Both did not look amused.

'Hey! Guys!' I pointed at his face. 'He's the alien I was talking about.' I laughed again and my head hit the table, which made me laugh again.

'Wow, he really is pale.'

'And she's kind of right, maybe he really is an alien.'

'Who's the grandpa, though?'

I pointed at Watari with what I believed was a paper umbrella. 'That's his sidekick. Like Batman and that old butler. Adrian? No, that's not the name… Albert? Nope… That's not it either…'

'Olivia,' Ryuzaki said and there was an anger in his voice which normally would've surprised me, but now, it suddenly became funny.

'Yes?' I asked, but before Ryuzaki could speak, I shouted in his face: 'Alfred!' I pointed at Ryuzaki's face as I said that.

I saw him rolling his eyes, but everything seemed to be rolling around, so maybe that was just because of the alcohol. 'Let's go, Olivia, you've done more than enough.' He grabbed my arm and pulled me up, but because I wasn't doing anything with my legs I fell forward and I fell against his chest.

'Hey look, it's Ryuzaki!' I said.

'We've already been over this.' He sounded annoyed now.

I frowned for a while, then laughed again. 'Alien! Alien! You are an alien!'

'Yes, yes.' Suddenly my feet weren't touching the floor anymore and I kept laughing as the girls were shouting things to drunken and weird to understand.

'Watari, the bag,' the alien ordered the older alien and he obeyed.

'King of the aliens!' I said, looking at the young man's face with as much fascination as I had in me.

'Yes, yes,' he agreed again, still sounding annoyed, only slightly less now.

Suddenly, my mood changed and I stopped laughing. A frown came onto my face and I knew I was pouting when I asked: 'Why'd you kiss me?!'

'I didn't kiss you.' He sounded confused now.

His answer only made me more angry. 'Why didn't you, then?!'

He sighed, looked straight ahead as we were suddenly inside somewhere. His UFO? 'Finally asking the right question.' Then he looked back at me. 'We're in the United States, are you even allowed to have any alcoholic beverages?'

'Do aliens have alcohol, too? Waaaah.' I suddenly felt sleepy and yawned, not bothering to cover my mouth, as my hands were around the alien's neck. No, not an alien.

'Ryuzaki,' I said softly, staring up to his face.

He stopped walking then, abruptly, and looked down on me as if _I_ was an alien. He looked so confused that I laughed again. 'What? What's so wei—'

His lips touched mine and were gone before I could even think about it. I heard Watari gasp, but the sound of our lips touching and then him pulling away was the sound that resonated through my brain as we entered the elevator, Ryuzaki still carrying me.

But I wasn't sober and that was enough. I was dreaming it. I laughed again. 'If you toss me across the lobby now, I'll be a UFO, too, did you know? Unidentified Flying Object. Ah, of course you knew that! MISTER ALIEN KNOWS EVERYTHING!' I shouted so loudly even I cringed.

'Yes, yes,' Ryuzaki agreed.

That made me laugh. 'Hahahaha, so you know that, huh? Interesting.' Well, it sounded more like 'interesssssssssssstingggggggggg'. 'Hey, kiss me again,' I said, grabbing his white sweatshirt and pulling.

We walked into the hotel room now, the ceiling seemed familiar and the bunkbed was definitely there before. Oh, yes, I had been here. ' _TOSME_ _HLOGE_ _!_ ' I shouted as he put me down on the bed, so soft that my eyes naturally closed.

'Kiss me again,' I ordered with my eyes closed.

'Yes, yes,' he said again, but without actually doing it.

I opened one eye. 'Mister Alien Ryuzaki L?' I said.

'Hm?'

I giggled, which was stupid. But fun, too, in a way. 'What would you say if I said I met your friend before?'

'What?' he asked me.

' _Be-yond-Bi-rth-Da-y._ ' That made me laugh. 'I think he followed me.'

I closed my eye again, but I saw him frowning just before I did that.

'I feel like I've made a terrible mistake making you part of this,' he then said, but I couldn't quite grasp the meaning of those words.

I giggled again, but it stopped when I yawned once more. 'You know you love me.' That made me giggle again. ' _Xoxo, Gossip Girl._ I never actually saw that show. People always told me I sounded like Chuck, but that's an insult, you know? Cause he's a guy.'

'Yes,' Ryuzaki sighed. 'And you really should sleep now.'

'No! I want you to kiss me again.'

'I didn't kiss you.'

'Well, kiss me now, anyway.'

'I won't.'

'Why not?'

'Because even someone like me has his boundaries with taken advantage of drunken women.'

I frowned. 'I'm not drunk.' But I did yawn again and I noticed that my concentration, as well as the world around me, started to fade.

'Yes, yes.'

* * *

XxX

The man laughed as he saw how the knight in shining armour took the drunk girl in his arms and carried her off. It was funny how much information this had given him. One mistake. This one mistake would mean his victory.

But that wasn't the only reason he enjoyed himself so much. 'You sure are an interesting creature, miss Severs. But more importantly… why aren't you dead yet?'

He waited for a while, but when the ladies got up to leave, he aproached them. 'Ladies!' he said, his smile fake, but still so, so, genuine. 'Do you want to have some fun?'

Let's have some fun, Allison Severs.

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 **XxX**

 **End of the chapter! Waah, this was kind of a weird chapter, ey? But an important one, in a lot of ways. And I always love it when characters get drunk. It makes everyone around them more interesting, I think?**

 **I also think that Olivia really would be pressured into drinking. Just one bad decision and she's drunk. Maybe that's why she's better off alone or in small teams. I don't know.**

 **Anyway, even though this was an oddball of a chapter, I hope you guys enjoyed it, bye bye!**

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 **XxX**

 **REVIEW REPLIES**

 **Realworld no Shinobi: hahahahaha ooh ooh. Both of your requests will be a 'maybe' for now (sorry about that). Though I must admit that A, I don't like killing off characters, it's just not my thing (says the woman who killed Light, Naomi and Rem without a problem, but you know what I mean) and B, I'm really bad at fluff and romance, actually (ask anyone), but maybe I'll do more fluff. I don't know, I just have to see. Anyway, thank you and sorry about the vague answers ;)**

 **Luna Latanya: sometimes when I read your reviews I'm kind of scared you can read my mind or something ;) It actually would be kind of fun if she's driven nuts, though XD, for me, at least, it would be fun to write. But yes, I do agree that for Beyond, she's definitely a great option. Not sure how L will feel about that, though…**

 **AuroraStargazers: Yeah, I took quite some liberties with BB, he almost feels like half an OC and I like writing long chapter, so hey, we're both winners! Whether she'll become a great Watari we'll just have to wait and see, but she definitely makes mistakes right now. A lot of them. But hey, mistake are human. Thank you for reading and reviewing again!**

 **Guest review (Amy): Ooh, I get what you mean and I never really noticed. I guess, for one thing, there isn't really anything left to show how smart she is, because there were no mysteries to be uncovered. And of course, in the orphanage, I had to make sure to emphasize the fact that even though she's really smart, a lot of the orphans are smarter than her. And of course, since Ryuzaki left her, she's lost a lot of confidence, but don't worry. As there is a new mysterty know, you'll definitely see more of her smart side in the near future!**

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	38. Casualties

**_Heeeeyyy_** **:D**

 **I'm back again, as you can see. And I had a serious case of writer's block for a while, so that sucked. Anyway, let's start this chapter, shall we?**

 ****Oh look, I still do not own Death Note. What a shame. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **38\. Casualties**

I had never been drunk before, but I was quite sure I remembered everything when I woke up.

And I immediately wished that I could forget.

I was actually kind of surprised that I hadn't revealed some really important information to the girls from yesterday. But the most surprising thing of the day…

With my eyes still closed I brought my hands to my lips. I hadn't imagined it, had I? No, no, I was quite sure I hadn't. Ryuzaki had given me a kiss. A small one, yes, so maybe it was more his strange idea of payback. I mean, it would be silly to assume he had me in his arms and saw me and thought to himself that I looked adorable and he just couldn't help himself and—

'Miss Upson, I know you are awake, it's time to get up.'

My eyes shot open and I looked into Watari's face. As I sat up, slowly, I realised that it was unusually silent in the room. No Ryuzaki eating or typing.

I looked around. Ryuzaki wasn't there. And the suitcases were there, standing close to the door.

'We're leaving?' I asked.

Watari nodded. 'Indeed we are, I'm sorry I didn't wake you sooner, Ryuzaki thought it would be best to let you sleep.'

'Oh no, it's fine!' I told him, getting out of bed. I was still wearing my clothes, which was a plus. If Ryuzaki had actually changed me into my pyjamas, or even Watari, hell, I wouldn't be able to look into their eyes ever again. And I was also happy to know that I hadn't taken any clothes off myself. I wasn't sure what kind of drunk I would be.

'Are we leaving – like – right now?' I then asked, as I realised that everything must've been packed already. Including my hairbrush. And my toothbrush, probably.

Watari nodded. 'Ryuzaki is currently in the lobby.'

I nodded, too. 'Okay then. Let's go. May I ask why we're leaving now?'

Wrong. Watari's calm and friendly face fell a bit, but he tried to keep it together. But that expression was enough. Something happened. 'There have been… problems.'

Something was wrong, but I decided not to ask Watari. Ryuzaki would answer me if he felt like it. Which meant that he probably _wouldn't_ answer me, but hey, I could always hope.

Ryuzaki was indeed in the lobby. That is to say, he stood in the corner, near the elevator, his hands in his pockets and he was staring at the hotel's entrance.

'What's wrong?' I asked before Watari could say anything.

Ryuzaki looked at me, then quickly at Watari. 'Nothing of extreme importance at the moment,' he then answered before grabbing my arm and pulling me to his side as he walked to the entrance of the hotel.

That's when I saw them.

Police. A lot of police. And more people. An ambulance, maybe? The café I had sat at with the girls from yesterday was completely surrounded. And as we left the hotel, I saw the poodles of blood and my eyes caught a glimpse of a hand with a familiar looking silver bracelet. One of the girls had had a silver bracelet.

And then Ryuzaki's hand was covering my eyes and turning my head away. 'Don't look.'

That confirmed my suspicions. 'Oh god,' I murmured. And I felt my eyes water up. _Problems._ Watari had said. Were all the girls dead?

I waited for Ryuzaki to lower his hand from my face a few miles away from the crime scene before I asked questions. 'We need to go back, we're witnesses, they would want us to testify what we saw, right? Oh god…' That bloody hand crept back into my brain and my imagination made the rest bloody bodies, cut open. My fault. Yes, it must be my fault.

Ryuzaki was still holding my arm and was naw caressing it to calm me down. I could see in his eyes that he was waiting for another panic attack. 'We can't go back and testify, Olivia, you know that. We need to leave.'

I was still too paralysed to go against him, so when he pulled me further away from the hotel, I followed without protest. My vision became blurry when my eyes started to tear up. 'Shit,' I said, but it didn't sound convincing. 'He found us.'

'Possibly,' Ryuzaki said, but the fact that he said it and the way he'd said it, told me he meant 'yes.'

* * *

XxX

 _'_ _Yes, I know you busy taking care of the children, but that's why I called you.'_

My eyes fluttered open, but closed after. Felt too heavy to keep open.

'No, no, don't do that. Go to the shelter… Yes, the private airplane is available for you... Ah, yes, I understand. Well, tell him that he should listen to my orders if he wishes to remain one of my successors… No, Matt is old enough, if he wishes to leave, you should let him.'

What was this conversation about, for Christ's sake?

'No, she's asleep, I've given her some tranquilizer… No, I won't stay, I'm just going to drop her off… No, Watari stays with you as well. This is something I can handle better alone.'

 _Alone?_

I forced my eyes open. We were in a hotel room, a fancy one, so it seemed. Ryuzaki was standing, walking through the room as he spoke into the phone, sounding tired and even kind of worried. I was sitting in a big chair, and when I looked down, it looked quite fancy. I wasn't sure why he hadn't laid me down on a bed, but I decided not to question that part, because it didn't seem important.

'There's no way he can find that place. And, of course, he will be looking for me, not for you. He knows I won't be with you… No, I won't risk it, I will leave almost immediately.'

I tried to open my mouth and speak, but my mouth was dry and refused to move. Jesus Christ, just what had he given me?

'No, don't tell them anything. Not even Near and certainly not Matt. Just pretend like everything's normal… Yes, I get that, I'll find an excuse for her return.' Ryuzaki looked at me then and saw my eyes were open. He stared at me for a few seconds, after which he looked away and spoke into the phone again. 'Just prepare everything, I'll see you there… Yes, yes I know, I'll try.' His eyes suddenly widened. 'Excuse me? I-I mean, no, I… I'm sorry, I really need to go know… Yes, I understand. Thank you for your trouble.' He hung up the phone and looked back at me with a small sigh.

I tried to speak again, but my mouth still refused.

With a sigh, Ryuzaki walked over to me and grabbed something from the nearby tea table that I couldn't see. He lifted a glass of water to my face. 'You need to drink something, then you'll feel better.'

I managed to open my mouth a bit and Ryuzaki calmly gave me water. This would've made me nervous and kind of happy if I wasn't so worried.

Ryuzaki put down the glass of water again and I decided to give talking one more time. 'You poisoned me.'

'Drugged you, actually,' Ryuzaki corrected with no hint of remorse in his voice.

I rolled my eyes, which became easier. I also felt my hands and feet again, so I moved them a little while I said: 'You're dead.'

He looked back at me, completely confused. 'No, I am not,' he said, frowning.

I laughed and pulled myself up slowly, only to noticed that no, my body was not ready for that yet, and I sunk back down. I tried not to think about what I'd seen earlier, but I knew that was impossible. Still, I pretended I could forget it easily and asked: 'Was that Roger on the phone?'

I could tell from the look on his face that he didn't actually want me to know. Sucks for him, if he really hadn't wanted me to find out, he should've drugged me more. The bastard. 'Yes, it was,' he answered.

'And you are going to dump me and Watari and fight Beyond on your own?'

He opened his mouth, surprised, but I stopped him. 'Which is fine, if you are going to be stubborn and dump me once more, great, I've become used to it.' Big fat lie. 'But you can at least tell me where it is. And where are we?'

'Paris,' he answered.

I looked at him for a while, waiting for the moment he said 'just kidding', but that of course didn't come. 'Paris,' I repeated slowly.

'Yes.'

'As in France?'

'As in Texas, but if you want to go to France, I know a—'

'Stop, stop,' I said, shaking my head and holding my hand up before he started to hold a monologue about France. 'Why are we in Texas, Ryuzaki?'

He smiled, but it didn't seem sincere in the slightest. 'We are taking a different route.'

'To where, exactly?'

He looked at me with an expression that I didn't understand, like I'd made some joke that was really funny, but it was even funnier that I didn't get it. And then he answered, with that same odd smile on his face. 'France.'

* * *

XxX

We took two airplanes, one private and one not so private, but we landed in Berlin and took a train to a city in Belgium, after which we took another train to Paris. Then we grabbed a cab to another city and took a bus to a small town.

This all happened with Watari talking to me about absolutely nothing, about movies I liked or shows that I'd watched and then he went on to books when that subject started to bore me. I knew what he was doing. Ryuzaki had obviously instructed him to distract me so that I wouldn't bother Ryuzaki, who was constantly calling people, talking in French, English, Japanese and a language I didn't know. It was quite frustrating to witness how fluent he was in all of those.

I tried to listen sometimes. One in English, that went a little like this: 'Yes, I know you are on leave, that's why _I_ am calling you.' And that turned into a discussion I couldn't follow because Watari wanted to know what my least favourite book was.

Another odd thing was that Ryuzaki changed phones all the time, giving Watari the used ones. I wasn't sure why, but they both didn't give me a chance to ask. I thought Ryuzaki would have his phones completely closed off, so that even the police couldn't catch hold of it.

The town we reached was so small that we were the only ones left in the bus when we got off. As soon as we did and the bus driver was gone, a red, old-looking car, came driving up to the bus stop.

It took we a while before I recognised the driver. 'Olivia!' Hannah said as she rolled the window down. 'Nice to see you again!' Even though it was already becoming dark, she was wearing sunglasses.

'Nice to see you again,' I sounded even more confused than I felt. Not that I was surprised. No, this was what I'd guessed from the information I overheard. Ryuzaki was evaluating the children, meaning that yes, Beyond Birthday knew where the orphanage was. I was probably right, he had been an orphan. So, had he gone crazy? It seemed like an environment where that could easily happen. Mello, Matt and Near all seemed kind of odd. And let's not forget about L. Was it really possible that Wammy's House had produced a serial killer?

I shivered, but no one noticed because everyone was already getting into the car. It took another moment, until we all sat down, until someone noticed.

'Are you okay, Olivia?' Hannah asked. 'You look a bit… pale.'

I looked at her through the mirror and gave her a small smile. 'I'm fine. _Someone_ decided to drug me earlier, that's all.'

'Well, yes, I did,' Ryuzaki said, as if that wasn't already painfully obvious.

'I guessed so,' Hannah said, sounding slightly disapproving. 'Did Roger not tell you about the thing I told him?'

Vague, too vague to understand with the context I had.

'Hmm, he did give me the message,' Ryuzaki mused, looking out of the window. 'And I have decided to momentarily ignore your… opinion until a more convenient time, if you don't mind.'

'Of course, Ryuzaki,' she said, after which she sighed. 'You haven't told us how to address you while the kids are present.'

'Just call me Ryuzaki, I won't be there for long.' I felt like he wouldn't have said that if he hadn't known I'd heard him talk on the phone.

I met Hannah's eyes, who looked saw for some reason. She didn't speak, though. She simply looked away again and started the car.

'Did you prepare the things I asked for?' Ryuzaki asked after a while.

'Yes,' Hannah answered.

Another silence. Then Ryuzaki said: 'I would like to speak with you before I leave.'

Hannah nodded. 'Yes, sir.'

Then, suddenly, Ryuzaki looked at to me. Watari was sitting next to Hannah, while me and Ryuzaki were sitting on the backseat, still as far away from each other as the car allowed. 'And I would wish to speak to you, too, if you don't mind.'

I did mind, but not because of reasons he could think of. I nodded. 'Yes, si—Ryuzaki.'

His eyes narrowed slightly, or maybe that was just my imagination.

It started raining and Ryuzaki looked back out of the window. I decided to do the same. Only to notice, moments later, that Ryuzaki wasn't looking out of the window. In my window, I saw his face reflected, his face dark because of the dim light of the street lights. And he was staring at me.

I sighed and pretended not to notice. Decided to pretend that I wasn't just overthinking this. Pretending that Ryuzaki was actually interested in me.

* * *

XxX

When we stopped and got out, it was in the middle of nowhere. There weren't even any street lights here. And there was a building.

It looked like a combination between a farm and a gigantic mansion. Fancy, yet simple. The bricks seemed almost red and the windows where painted a dark green, with white curtains. It looked perfect, like something out of the _Sound of Music_ or something. Almost fairy tale like. I bet it even had a big staircase on the inside.

Almost all the lights were out. Only some on the ground floor were still on, and one at the very top. I also saw a figure behind one of the windows downstairs, probably Roger.

'Let's get in, shall we?' Hannah said, grabbing me by my arm.

'But, the suitcases—' I began, but she interrupted me. 'The guys can handle it,' she said, sounding surprisingly bitter.

'What's wrong?' I asked, annoyed by the lack of context.

'Nothing, sweetheart,' she said, pulling we towards the house. 'I'm sometimes just blown away by the fact that even geniuses can be complete idiots sometimes.'

Before I had the chance to ask what she'd meant, Roger opened the door for us. The light formed a path between us and the doorway and it seemed like Hannah was eager to get inside, because she fastened her pace.

'Good to see you again, Miss Upson,' Roger said as he shook my hand. Something in his words made me shiver.

'Thank you, nice to see you again, too,' I replied, looking into the house. See, I was right! In the entrance hall, where I was standing now, was a gigantic stair, like the one you see in movies. Cinderella could walk down there every minute.

And the carpet was a red so vibrant that it made the room seem warm and inviting. I could already see the children running down this stairs in the morning. And I saw a pile of puzzle pieces in the corner of the room, next to the stairs. One of Near's hiding spots, I guessed.

'Are all the children here?' I asked.

Roger nodded. 'Even Matt decided to come along in the end.'

He thought I knew everything, that much was clear. Good. 'Oh? Didn't he want to at first?'

Roger nodded. 'Mello and some of the others didn't want to go, too, of course. Fleeing to the shelter house means that something big is going to happen, even the children know that.' He sighed, sounded tired. Roger always seemed sort of tired to me. Maybe he just wasn't good with children.

'Okay, Olivia!' Hannah shouted, grabbing my arm again. 'Let me show you to your room!' She pulled me with her before I could react.

But I wasn't stupid. As she pulled me up the stairs, I asked: 'Why are you trying to keep me and Ryuzaki separated?'

She didn't deny it, she wasn't stupid. She shrugged. 'I felt like Ryuzaki should know what it feels like when you walk away from him, for a change. It always seems to be the other way around. I wanted to show him how that is for you.'

I looked down at the floor. I knew it felt very different for me. Ryuzaki probably didn't even care.

Although. To kiss me, there had to be some level of attraction, right? And he stared at me, that was a fact. Still, that wasn't – couldn't – be the same feeling I had. It couldn't.

Hannah didn't notice my sudden mood change, instead, she walked up another stair with me behind her. The red carpet became blue at the highest floor and the lights were brighter, probably because no one was asleep at this floor.

'There is an attic, but it's quite narrow and the only way to get there is through a secret hole in the ceiling,' she told me as we walked through the hallway. 'Roger said that it would only be a matter of time before the children found it, so this floor is forbidden to them. So you have this floor to yourself.'

I froze. 'Seriously?' I asked. It was so… big.

Hannah just kept on walking. 'Well, yes. I mean, Ryuzaki has technically one half of this floor, but he won't be staying with us, so it's—'

'Hannah,' I interrupted her. 'Why am I here?'

She didn't seem comfortable with answering. 'All the children are here,' was her answer, which wasn't an answer at all.

'Hannah,' I pressed. 'I have the right to know.'

She sighed. 'You do, I know, I just think Ryuzaki should tell you this himself.' She looked troubled, but she did open her mouth again. 'The thing is…'

'Yes?'

'Well, we heard what happened. With the girls,' she said with some difficulty.

I shivered and I got goose bumps, but I tried to keep the mental picture out of my head. 'Yes. So?' I asked, not getting the point.

'Well, we already guessed who did it.'

'Yes.'

'And it seems to us that it's… a warning. For him,' she nodded to the stairs, probably referring to Ryuzaki downstairs.

I'd figured out that much. 'And? What kind of warning would justify excluding me from the case and going up against Beyond all by himself?' I crossed my arms to stop my hands from shaking.

'Well, Ryuzaki probably does not want you to know…' She sounded cornered now. It wasn't the real reason. She just really did not want to tell me.

'Hannah?' I said again, a bit nicer this time.

'Yes, I know, I know.' She took a deep breath. 'There was another message found at the crime scene.'

I frowned. 'Really? Another code?'

Hannah shook her head. 'No, no, nothing like that. The message was quite clear, actually.'

'Really?' That seemed odd.

She nodded. 'Yes, Be— he left a message on the girls arms. Two, actually. With black marker, writing on their arms like they were a piece of paper.' Now she was the one who shivered.

'What were the messages, Hannah?' I asked slowly, trying to sound calm while actually freaking out on the inside.

Hannah sighed again, closed her eyes for a short while before looking into my eyes while answering. 'The first message was " _why isn't she dead yet?_ ".'

I swallowed, but now my legs were shaking too, and I wasn't sure how to hide that. 'And the second one?'

Hannah pulled a face, then said the following words without looking at me: '" _Careful, she could be next._ "'

* * *

 **XxX**

 **DONE AND DONE (with this chapter)!**

 **Vacation is almost over for me, NOOOOOO**

 **Oh and also, there is a great chance I won't update next week, so be prepared for that. Maybe I will, that is the question, but maybe not. Sorry for the vague notice, but hey, at least now you can prepare yourself for anything, right?**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **AuroraStargazers:** ** _Hehe oops, not much romance here, but don't worry, it's definitely coming. And yes, I think so? I update every week and I usually finish a chapter on Sunday and I always try to finalise and update it before the week is over, so yes, Sunday is the day I update the most (this may change to Friday once school starts again)._**

 **Luna Latanya** ** _: I imagine her having a plastic fork and eating it straight from the box, but I indeed realise now that I didn't specify xD And I think BB is pretty smart, so I didn't want him to wait too long. I think he wouldn't wait around, for some reason. I think he would be really curious, too, if there was a woman pretending to be L all of the sudden._**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Bye bye!**


	39. Look

**Yes, I am one day too late. I actually planned on skipping updating all together until the next weekend, but here I am!**

 **Also, school starts this week (for me, at least), so I'm not sure how that will influence my update-schedule. I'll probably update on Fridays more than on Sundays, but maybe not, we'll see.**

 ****Oh look, I still do not own Death Note. What a shame. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **39\. Look**

'" _Careful, she could be next._ "'

I could be next.

I felt my breath changing, but wasn't sure how to keep it under control. Hannah was quick, though. She grabbed my shoulders and told me to stay calm, to breath.

It took way longer than Ryuzaki's method. Though I much preferred not being punched in the face. 'Why me?' I asked when I'd calmed down a little, even though I already knew the answer. I was next to L, working with him. Which meant that this was something deep. If that person hated L, he would go after him and kill me if I was in the way without thinking twice. But he wasn't. He was warning L, almost trying to scare him with these sort of threats, like he was saying he will kill everyone next to L before killing L himself.

This case went way deeper than I'd already guessed.

'Okay,' I said then, trying to calm myself. 'Okay, okay, okay. This is fine. I will be fine. Everything will be perfectly fine.' And then I _was_ fine. But not really because of myself. But because Ryuzaki appeared on the top of the stairs. He had walked so quietly up to this floor that we hadn't heard him coming.

Funny how the person who caused the most stress also had the ability to calm me down completely. Because he was here, safe and sound, and he would capture him. I knew he could. Because he must've already done it once before.

'Ryuzaki,' Hannah said, not with a real purpose.

Smart as he always was, he immediately noticed something was up. 'What happened?' he asked, surprisingly enough not frowning.

'Nothing,' I answered before Hannah could say anything. 'By the way, you did say you wanted to talk to me, right?' I then said.

Ryuzaki observed me for a while, curious. I saw in his eyes that he was deciding whether or not he'd let this change of subject slide. He let it slide. 'Yes, that is, in fact, true. But I rather want to talk to you alone.' He looked at of the window and something seemed to fall over his face. A dark shadow. A memory. A feeling. Then he looked at me and he gave me a sad smile. 'Let's go outside, shall we?'

* * *

XxX

I wasn't sure why this felt more awkward than before. I mean, yes, most of the situation including Ryuzaki were awkward for me, but this seemed worse, for some reason.

Watari was sitting in the car, far away from us, next to the road. That told me enough. 'You're leaving right after our conversation is over, aren't you?'

He looked like he didn't want to answer. He punt his hands in his pockets like he wished he himself could disappear into his pockets. 'I am, in fact.' Then he reached into his back pocket. 'I have something for you.' He pressed a small black object into my hands before putting his hands back into his pockets.

I looked at what he'd given me. A black phone, with a silver thing on the back, a small device, I wasn't sure what it did, but it looked expensive. 'What's this?' I asked.

'It's a phone.'

'Yeah, I got that,' I said, not being as sarcastic as I normally would have been. 'But why?'

Ryuzaki shrugged slightly. 'I want to keep you updated. You are going to stay here and help. You are going to crack all the codes Beyond Birthday leaves for me.'

I blinked, quickly. Then I immediately said: 'Yeah. Okay. Sure.'

Ryuzaki nodded like he was expecting me to say something else. When I didn't, he slowly turned towards the gate and back to me again, his lips puckered like he was thinking really hard about something. Then he sighed and turned away again.

Seeing this small form of conflict in his mind made me kind of sad, but I couldn't help but ask before he disappeared again. 'I remember everything,' I said, which wasn't the question I was planning on asking.

'Hm?' he asked, though I know he knew what I was talking about.

'That night,' I unnecessarily clarified. 'You ki—' it suddenly seemed like a hard word to say out loud – 'you kissed me. You did. I mean, not like _kiss_ kiss me, but you did give me a kiss. I know you did. I remember it.'

He blinked quickly and in the darkness of the garden his eyes looked extra deep and dark. The lights on the ground floor of the house being off didn't help either, though one light was on when we walked outside. It was shining a small light on us, playing in his dark hair like fire.

When Ryuzaki didn't say anything, I added: 'Why did you?'

His answer came quick and so blunt that I knew it was an honest answer. 'Because I hoped you wouldn't remember.'

'Why would that matter?' I quickly shot back.

'Because then you would ask me questions.'

'That's right.'

'Right,' Ryuzaki said with a nod. 'And that's why I did not want you to remember it. It was… an idea that I put into action without too much thought.'

 _An idea?_ Not sure how I felt about that. 'And why did that idea come into your head in the first place?'

That was the right question. Or the wrong one, depending and who you were asking. His eyes became wide and he suddenly looked terrified and confused. It wasn't something you say often, especially on Ryuzaki's face.

A smile appeared on my face, but I felt more like crying. 'Don't give me that confused look. I get it. There's no way, right?'

The confusion didn't leave his face, but it became less apparent. He sighed. 'I really should go now. But I'll promise you, you can kick me when I come back, if that seems fair to you. An eye for an eye.' He turned away from me completely then and started to walk towards the car, towards Watari.

'L!' I said, too impulsive to censor myself. I ran towards him and because he turned around as I reached him, I didn't have to do much but stand on my toes and kiss him.

Ryuzaki had briefly put his lips against mine and pulled away almost immediately, but I didn't have that much self-control. I grabbed his sweatshirt and pulled myself up more, let all my emotions come out at once. It was messy and stupid, but when I pulled away, I saw that he had closed his eyes, for he slowly opened them when I stood back on my feet.

'An eye for an eye, right?' I said, but the strength of the statement was lessened by the fact that I was breathless.

Ryuzaki blinked a few times, still seeming kind of confused. He also looked like he could go into shock any moment, but then he bowed slightly and turned around before walking to the car with his hands deep in his pockets, his posture as terrible as always.

My hands drifted to my mouth as I saw him get into the car and drive away into the night. But I couldn't help but wonder if he'd really wanted to leave me here.

I walked back to the house after a while, but stopped when I saw a figure standing behind the window where the light had come from. The window was open, too, and Matt was slowly blowing smoke into the air.

I stared at him, but he was looking at the sky. How much had he heard?

'You know,' he said, completely relaxed, 'he was just manipulating you.'

I couldn't manage to get anything out. I just looked up at him, the house was built so that you had to walk a small set of stairs to get into the house, so he was a bit above me.

He looked down at me when I didn't answer, his goggles were on his head instead of in front of his eyes for once. 'He only gave you the impression that he was giving you an important task so that you wouldn't whine and nag that you wanted to come with him no matter what.'

I crossed my arms, but still didn't speak. Having a "normal" conversation with Matt just seconds after I'd kissed his senior, probably in front of him, just seemed kind of strange to me.

'He'll probably even give you fake codes,' Matt snorted, then laughed. 'It's almost funny. Good to know that there's something I'm better at than L.'

'That guy wasn't—' I tried, but Matt was already holding his hand up. 'Listen, love. I am not stupid, the fact that I am here proves that, I believe, and I am also not deaf. I heard you scream it. And frankly, I don't really care and I won't post it online or anything, so why bother with the excuses?' He blew more smoke into the night air. 'I just said it's nice to know I am better at dealing with people than he is.'

'Most people are,' I said, shrugging.

Matt thought about that then shrugged. 'I suppose. I know one person that I would consider worse, though.'

I looked at him, curious and he looked at me with a surprising amount of intensity. 'Who is it?' I asked, wondering if it was Mello. No, Mello seemed to be able to handle himself fairly well as long as Near – and anything L related – wasn't concerned. He was able to socialise with the children pretty well and Matt and him usual acted like two good buddies.

'Near,' Matt said. 'I consider Near worse. L doesn't know how to handle people. Near does, but he likes to behave like he does not.'

'Well, is that bad? If he doesn't like people, isn't that better?' I asked, not sure why Matt sounded so odd right now. Maybe there was something else in that cigarette…

'Yes, it would be, but that's not the point.' Mello sighed and looked up at the sky again, like he was trying to find something there. 'Near cheats.'

Silence. I wasn't sure what to say in response to that. I wasn't even completely sure what he meant. _Near cheats._ Did that make him bad at dealing with people?

Matt must've noticed my confused expression, because he clarified. 'People should be dealt with like people. Near sees the world more as… toys. Playthings. He doesn't see a battlefield, he sees a chess board. And that may seem similar to L to you, but there's a difference.' He put out the cigarette on the window frame and dropped it into the grass. 'At the end of the day, L sees people. And Near? Near only sees the chess pieces.' After that, Matt turned around and left my sight. A few moment later, the light went out.

And I stood there, in the darkness, trying to think about everything while also trying to think about nothing at all.

* * *

XxX

 _7 12 8 14 22 19 15 12 20 22.  
GLHNVSOLTV?_

 _TOSMEHLOGE_ _?_

Bang.

 _TO ME LOG?_

Bang. Bang. Bang.

 _7 12 8 14 22 19 15 12 20 22._

 _22 20 12 15 19 22 14 8 12 7?_

 _VTLOSVNHLG?_

 _EGPHEMSOT?_

Bang. Bam. Bam.

 _EGP HIM SHOT?_

No, no, no.

Bang.

 _'_ Stop that!'

My eyes shot open to reveal a strange room to me. No, not strange. New. The walls were light blue with pink flowers, the floor was a light wood. This was the room Hannah had informed me was my bedroom.

The bed was huge. Big enough for three. And it was a waterbed, which was all sort of amazing. And the blankets were night blue, with small white flowers. This whole room seemed like the perfect room for a typical grandma.

Bam. Bam. Bang.

The noise came from downstairs and yes, was rather annoying. I quickly realised it was the sound of children running up and down from the stairs. My stairs. Hannah was probably with them, making sure they weren't actually going upstairs.

I stepped out of the bed, which was also a bit higher than the beds I was used, too. I walked over to the window and opened the white curtains. It was beautiful outside. The hills and the trees and I field of cows in the distance. And a river nearby. The children could play there. For a safe house, this seemed better than their actual house in a lot of ways. It was at least a whole lot less grey.

Hannah hadn't shown me where the bathroom was but I wasn't going downstairs in my pyjamas, so I grabbed an extra blanket from the closet (Hannah had told me there were blankets in the closet for when I got cold) and wrapped myself in it. Then I walked outside and headed towards the stairs.

I had been kind of right. Not really.

Hannah was moving up and down the stairs, chasing a black cat with white paws. That was the only white fur the cat had.

'What's this?' I asked her, looking at the animal as it ran towards me and I shooed it away because I thought that was what Hannah was trying to do.

'I don't know,' she answered. 'It just appeared inside the house this morning and it doesn't want to leave.'

I observed the cat. Thin, even though there were more than enough birds and mice to catch I this area. And the cat looked like he or she had been mistreated. 'Give it some food and water, try to calm the cat down a little before trying to scare it away.'

Hannah looked up at me like I was crazy. Then again, I was wearing a blanket, so maybe she had a point. 'If I give it food it will never leave?'

I took a few steps down. 'Something wrong with that? If the cat accepts this as his home, is it really necessary to throw it out?'

* * *

XxX

'Hey, Olivia, welcome back. Did you notice you took something with you from your bed this morning?'

Matt behaved like he hadn't seen me yesterday. Which wasn't that odd, I mean, Mello was sitting right there, at the kitchen table, eating bread with a ridiculous amount of chocolate spread.

'Where are the others?' I asked, ignoring Matt's question.

Mello made a disgusted sound, which meant that he was still going on pretending to hate me, so I ignored him.

Matt was working behind the counter. He was putting all different sorts of cereal into a giant bowl like it was a difficult science project he was working on. 'In class,' he answered. 'I'm currently ditching and Mello overslept. Again.'

'Aha,' I answered slowly. I looked at all the different boxes. 'Can I borrow some of your Lucky Charms?'

Matt handed me the box. 'You can have it, please don't bring it back to me,' he said and he winked. When I took over the box, his hand briefly touched my hand, like he was trying to soothe me. I felt like I was hiding my emotions well, but maybe that wasn't the case.

'So, L dumped you again, Olivia Upson?' Mello asked cynically.

Matt started to laugh as loud and sudden that both me and Mello shook when it happened. 'You have no idea, buddy!' he said when his laugh had toned down a bit.

I rolled my eyes, but more to hide my reaction than to actually react to the situation. Maybe being alone was better for me now. 'I'll take this then,' I said, shaking with the box Lucky Charms. Then I turned around and left the kitchen.

* * *

XxX

I was staring at the codes and had almost finished the entire box of Lucky Charms when the black phone suddenly made a noise.

I immediately grabbed the phone and the screen told me that there was one new message. Did W. arrive back at the house?

I stared at the message for a while. No clarification of who it was, no greetings, nothing. He probably though it wasn't necessary.

Don't know, I typed back.

It didn't take long for him to answer. Well, find out then.

I wasn't sure if it only sounded like an order because it was over text. Pushy much.

This time it took longer for him to reply. Well, find out then?

Putting a question mark behind it doesn't naturally make it a question. It felt both weird and fantastic to be texting L like this.

Putting a period at the end of a sentence does not make it a pushy order.

You got me there.

I stepped out of bed and walked to the stairs. 'Hannah?' I shouted.

Classes were over, anyway, so she should be somewhere around here. So maybe she heard me. But it wasn't Hannah who popped her head into my sight. It was Roger. 'Can I help you, Miss Upson?'

'Ryuzaki wants to know if Watari arrived safely.' It almost sounded like a question.

Roger nodded. 'He did arrive. But…' He stopped. 'Please do not inform Ryuzaki of the fact that he has left already.'

I frowned. 'Why not?'

'Because it was against Ryuzaki's orders.'

'And why would he do it then?'

'Because it was In Ryuzaki's best interest.'  
But I felt like no one in the world knew what was in Ryuzaki's best interest anymore.

* * *

XxX

7 12 8 14 22 19 15 12 20 22.

Those numbers had to be something! All codes had a pattern, a reason a logic. Like a computer program that would scan through all options, I needed to do something here.

But I tried so much, in so many orders. It wasn't working. I didn't understand why.

From numbers to letters. V.

Those have a pattern. It clearly are the wrong letters, so I need to take the alphabet backwards. E.

But that didn't mean anything. Were there three steps? Even more? How much was a missing.

TO ME SMH LOGE. No, I couldn't form a real sentence with these words, not like this. Also, there was always a chance that a later step might change the letters again, so this was pointless. And if these were the right letters, than he probably used columnar transposition, because I would need the keyword in order to solve it. And if it was a columnar transposition that needs me to change the letters again after, I can't risk just forming the most logical sentence with these worlds.

Columnar transposition was very easy until you put another set of decoding steps behind it. Than guessing the outcome became an insane and impossible thing to do.

My door opened and I shook up. Then, a small cat head popped up. The cat stared at me as it walked in, the paws so wide and so cute. Then I suddenly froze.

A wild cat in this area, sure. But a thin one? That was odd. Even weirder, a wild cat going inside a house? She weirdest thing ever.

But these weren't the reasons I froze, oh no. I froze because I just realised that it's paws were white, they were not dirty at all.

Nature didn't bash this cat up.

A human being did it.

And then they send it here.

On purpose.

Threats. And animal cruelty. And don't black cats mean bad luck? Isn't this another threat?

No, it couldn't be. Beyond Birthday could not have found this place already.

If that was the case, we would all me dead.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **END OF THE CHAPTER! Sorry, it's a bit shorter.**

 **And I HAVE TEN MINUTES LEFT TO UPDATE THIS SHIT.**

 **NEVER GONNA MAKE IT.**

 **(BTW, that bit about Near is actually inspired by an interview with the two artists who created Death Note)**

 **Also, actually, I probably should've said that, the fact that Olivia does not have a hangover, it's based on me. I have been drunk before, but I just don't get sick. I actually had a scene in which Ryuzaki forces her to drink medicine, but I cut it out because the chapter would be too long in my opinion. Maybe I shouldn't have.. anyway, I have three minutes left now, that's not enough.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: I think the broken lifespan makes her more interesting, but in my head, it is more likely Beyond is after her because of her connection to L. Beyond knows L and he probably thinks it's odd that there's suddenly a girl at his side…**

 **Luna Latanya: No, she actually does not know anything about her lifespan! I deliberately made sure no one told her, or got the chance to. And there will be more baby geniuses in the next chapter, I promise ;)**

 **AuroraStargazers: No, I don't think he's gotten colder. I do think this whole situation does upset him, since he's kind of the one who made this all happen. Dutch is my first language, but a lot of people here are exposed to English from a very young age because we are such a small country, so a lot of movies and series only get Dutch subtitles, not Dutch dubbing. Which means that we hear a lot of English. I mostly learned English from movies and television series, actually.**

* * *

 **XxX**


	40. Growth

**I only now noticed that my laptop deleted some words and letters from the previous chapter, but since none of you guys complained, I'll just wait and see if I correct it or not. So yeah, let's write!**

 ****Oh look, I still do not own Death Note. What a shame. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **40\. Growth**

'Hello, this is Cynthia speaking, what can I help you with?'

'Nice to hear your voice again, Anthea.'

'Oh god, no.' The young woman groaned and walked towards the door of her office to lock it. 'Who the hell got you out of the rabbit hole?'

'I did, of course,' the caller replied smugly. 'And now I am calling to claim the favours you owe me.'

'Fa _vour_. And how did you even get this number?'

'I have my ways,' the caller mused. 'Now, can I get my favours?'

'Fa _vour_ ,' the woman replied again. Then she sighed. 'And sure, shoot. I'll see what I can do.' _I hope I can do absolutely nothing. Although… life has been pretty boring lately. Messing with the genius might be fun._

'How admirable of you,' the caller said, but the woman could easily tell that that wasn't sincere in the slightest. 'I'm in a position right now in which I cannot… move. I need you to do my legwork.'

The woman laughed. 'I though you liked doing your own legwork. And didn't you escape, then? Are you still stuck? Did you pickpocket a guard for his phone or something?'

'You know that jokes rarely humour me,' the caller warned then and the woman fell silent. She knew him so well, but he still managed to terrify her from time to time. 'Now, will you do my legwork for me?'

The woman sighed again. 'What would you have me do?'

A smile appeared on the caller's face and it was a good thing the woman couldn't see it, because that smile would've terrified her too much. 'How good are you at breaking into highly secured buildings?'

* * *

XxX

 _Allison's POV_

As soon as I grabbed the cat, it panicked, and then I knew was right. No wonder Hannah hadn't been able to catch it, it was scared of humans, as it should be. It could down a bit after I pet it and I put it on the bed with me, trying to inspect it while keeping it calm. No deep scars, so I doubted that Beyond had put some sort of explosive inside it. It was probably just another warning. But I wasn't afraid of this cat.

I had to tell Ryuzaki, of course. If Beyond Birthday knew where we were, it was dangerous. But was he really after us? I didn't believe that. Even with the threats, I was quite sure it was Ryuzaki he was after. But it was hard to guess a person's actions when I didn't know him. Ryuzaki should've at least given me a file or something, if he wanted me to solve codes.

 _Well, he does want to distract you, he doesn't really need you to solve the codes._

I sighed. I knew that. I didn't need Matt to tell me that.

It was almost midnight when I went down to the kitchen to grab a snack. The cat had fallen asleep on my bed, and since he was kind of like my new friend, I'd closed the door so it wouldn't leave. I almost laughed when I did that. What a very L-thing to do of me.

I walked into the kitchen and turned on the light, when it was turned back off immediately. 'What the hell?' I automatically said. Then, I rolled my eyes. 'Mello, if you are stealing chocolate again, I'm telling Hannah.'

The light went on again. A familiar boy in white clothes was sitting on the kitchen table now. 'I am here.' Near turned to look at me.

I shivered, I wasn't sure why. 'Why did you turn the light off?' I asked.

'Because I went to hide something,' he answered simply.

'What did you hide?' I shot back, hoping that he would stay truthful until the end.

Near looked down and pulled up one leg, staring at the feet that was now resting on the table. 'I don't want to tell you.'

'Why not?'

'Because I haven't figured out what it means yet.' He sounded so much like L. So childish. And it also reminded me of… well, me. I didn't like telling people things until I had all the fact, too. Well, I did. When working with L one learns to share absolutely all information. I may not be able to get much out of it, but L could get so much more out of one simple fact.

'Don't be silly, tell me what it is.' I crossed my arms and leaned against the doorframe.

'Matt was here,' he started, but he still sounded reluctant. He stopped, as if he didn't want to finish.

Matt getting a midnight snack wasn't odd at all. 'Yes, that happens a lot. I once saw him carrying three boxes of cereal to his room. And I also caught him sneaking off to go to the McDonalds once, but maybe he was just bluffing.'

Near slowly shook his head. 'No, that's not the problem. He didn't take cereal.'

Okay, well, that was slightly odd, but Matt ate other things, too, right? 'Near, what are you on about? What are you trying to say?'

'I'm trying to say that… I don't know yet.' Near twirled his hair around his finger. 'I think Matt and Mello are up to something.' He sounded like a robot. No amusement. _Matt thought that Near was worse than L. Why did he think that?_

I suddenly didn't feel hungry anymore. 'I… I'm going to… go… now.' Why was Near freaking me out all of the sudden? Matt should stop putting ideas into my head. But in this kitchen? Alone? And why did he go to the kitchen to catch Matt taking food anyway?

'Sleep well, Olivia.'

'Yeah, you too.' _Sleep well, you lovable weirdo._

 _Please don't become some evil psychopath like Beyond Birthday._

* * *

XxX

 _TOSMEHLOGE._

 _TOSMEHLOGE._

 _LET ME GO…_ and then I had OSH left.

 _SO, LET ME GO, H?_ No, that wasn't right. Who was H? Ryuzaki really was just distracting me, I could never solve a code directed to him with this limited amount of knowledge about L AND Beyond!

And then I was suddenly calling Ryuzaki.

He seemed to be just as surprised. 'What's wrong?' he asked, thinking that that would be the only reason for calling him. I would call him every day if I thought he wouldn't mind. But I knew he did mind, so I didn't.

'Can you give me a profile on Beyond Birthday? Anything?' I asked. 'Decoding is much easier if I know the person who came up with the code a little bit.'

Ryuzaki sighed. He probably doesn't want to bother because I'm not really doing this because it's important. 'I will… consider sending you a file.'

I sighed. 'Don't bother. Why did I even ask? Stupid. Really. Why would you bother? So busy. Always busy. And alone, too. Is that your thing? Do you believe it's best if you are alone?'

The cat on my bed looked up at me, slightly alarmed by the loudness of my voice. But then it closed its eyes again and tilted its head, as if it was telling me to relax.

It didn't work.

But that was mostly because Ryuzaki asked: 'Did you have something to drink again?'

'Why? Do I need to be drunk to care about you?' I spat. 'And why do you make me sound like some sort of alcoholic? I made a mistake, okay?! Big deal!'

A silence. Longer than Ryuzaki's normal silences. Then he spoke. Softly, almost hesitantly. 'Care. About. Me?' He'd said it like those words were all completely new to him.

I would've found his reaction adorable if I wasn't so royally pissed off right now. 'Yes, care about you, didn't you hear me? I've almost certainly said this before.'

'You… have?'

Wow. He really did not listen to me, does he? 'Ryuzaki, please, I don't have time for your—' bullshit '—stuff right now. If sending me a file is difficulty, don't. It's that easy. And yes, I do care about you. I'm actually kind of surprised that that surprises you. But hey, at least I surprised you and that cannot be an easy thing to do. Well. I'm going to sleep now. I'll… talk to you later. Or something. Or not. Your choice, as always.' I hung up, already regretting impulsively calling him.

The cat looked up again, this time I wasn't sure why.

'What are you looking at?' I asked, but I didn't get an answer. I sighed. 'I think I'm going to call you "L".' Because, why the hell not. And hey, at least it would annoy Mello.

* * *

XxX

Breakfast and classes went differently. I rarely saw the children. I think that was on purpose, but maybe it was also my fault for being in my room almost all the time. I only went out around 11 in the morning to grab breakfast and even though I usually found myself alone, I walked into Matt and Mello again on the fourth day.

'We've been here way too long!' Mello complained to me and Matt's face told me it wasn't the first time he was complaining.

I gave Mello a smile, but didn't react, because then he would not stop whining. I walked to the counter and stood next to Matt, who scooted over a little so that I had some space. The usual cornflakes and cereal were on the counter again, no weird food like Near had said. Well, he hadn't said that, but that's what I had guessed.

'No, seriously! Something big is happening, isn't it? Shouldn't we be there then? At least helping L?!'

Matt chocked out a short laugh. 'You know very well that you're not a team player, Mello. Helping peopleisn't exactly your thing. You want all the glory for yourself,' he said as he grabbed and handed me a plate from the cabinet above the counter.

That was when I realised something and I looked up at Matt with a surprised expression on my face. 'You've grown, Matt!' I said, shocked. I already felt small in this house in the figurative sense, if he kept growing, the literal one might become a thing, too.

'You did?' Mello asked, his mouth full of bread with chocolate spread. Apparently complaining had bored him and he'd went back to eating.

I rolled my eyes. For a genius, Mello could be surprisingly thick about some things. Like the height of his best friend. Or the fact that aggression – whether passive or actually aggressive aggressive – wouldn't get him anywhere.

Matt looked at his bowl of cereal when he replied: 'Hmm, yes. I suppose so. I have been feeling slightly… bigger recently.'

I nodded, still unsure how I felt about the fact that Matt was still growing. I walked over to the fridge and looked for things to put on bread. Meat, cheese, jam. I grabbed the cheese

I walked back to my place on the counter next to Matt, only to see that he already put two slices of bread on my plate. 'You should probably keep checking your height, if you're growing,' I said as I started to make breakfast for myself. 'You are old for a grow spurt, it could be dangerous. Also, did you know that Ne—'

I stopped. Not because I'd wanted to, but because the moment I'd looked at Matt, I' d forgotten all that I wanted to say. He was looking at me with an odd expression, the same way Ryuzaki looked sometimes. It was a strange look, like I had done something wrong. Like I'd just hurt him in some way. But also, with a strange sort of fascination on his face, as if he saw me for the first time. When Ryuzaki gave me that look, it made my stomach tingle and my cheeks red. Now, it felt not only awkward, but kind of scary. What sort of thought went behind that gaze?

Why are all the geniuses in this house suddenly scaring me? I wish I could just go home now, back to… well, the place that felt like home, I guess. But where was that? Was that in Japan? England? Next to L? Was I just jumping around, waiting for someone to say 'Hey Olivia, let's go home.'

Let's go home.

The cheese fell out of my hands, but since it didn't make a noise, so I assumed Matt caught it before it could hit the ground.

 _TOSMEHLOGE._

 _LETSGOHOME._

 _Let's go home._

Ryuzaki had emptied the orphanage the morning after finding that code. He had transported them and left on his own. He had known. He must've known.

He didn't need me to solve the code, he'd already solved it long ago. I didn't need the keyword to figure this one out, I just needed this bit of evidence, of context, that this was the message that Ryuzaki was supposed to find.

'I'm going to freaking kill that bastard!' I shouted and then I ran out of the kitchen, ignoring the two very confused geniuses who I left behind in the kitchen.

'Roger!' I shouted through the hall, expecting him to just pop up somewhere like he always seemed to do.

He did pop up from somewhere. But it was just an ordinary room that he came out of this time, not seemingly out of nowhere. 'What is it, miss—'

I interrupted him rudely. 'Watari, you said he went out, right? He went out of look for Ryuzaki, right? Does he know where he is? Is he with him now?'

Roger slowly shook his head, surprisingly calm even though there was a young woman literally shouting in his face. 'Watari has not found Ryuzaki as of late, but—'

'Call him,' I ordered, ignoring the fact that Roger was the boss here, not me. 'I know where he is. And I need Watari's help in order to get there.'

Roger cleared his throat. 'Excuse me, miss Upson, but I don't think this is a very wise and thought through request. I would like you to—'

'I will help you.'

We turned to see Watari standing in the hallway, having just returned to the save house. 'Do you really know where he is?' he asked me, a sincerity in his voice that I hadn't heard in quite some time.

I nodded.

Watari nodded back in response. 'Then I will help you.'

As me and Watari walked off towards Watari's office, I heard Roger mumble: 'Why is everyone always interrupting my sentences these days?'

* * *

XxX

'And you are certain?'

I nodded. 'About 97.4 percent.'

A smile played on Watari's lips.

'What?' I asked.

His smile just became wider. 'It's nothing. I will make sure to arrange a flight to London for us, Ryuzaki needs us more than he seems to realise.'

Us. Ryuzaki needs us. My heart warmed up. I stood. 'Yes, that seems to be the case.'

Watari gave me another smile. 'Luckily you are stubborn enough to stay by his side. He won't be able to get away from you forever.'

I wasn't entirely sure what he meant by that, but I was flattered none the less. With another nod, we stood and I felt weird just going to my room like this, so I decided to use an excuse. 'I'm going to grab something to eat before heading back to my room. Is there anything I can get for you?'

Watari was already working behind his computer again. 'Oh, no, not now. But thank you got the offer.' He gave me another smile. 'You're already learning.'

I bowed and left the room and in that moment, I felt more like L's assistant than ever.

* * *

XxX

Should've known that my little outburst in the kitchen would get Mello's attention.

'What was that about?' he asked when I walked back into the kitchen.

I shrugged, trying to make him forget all about it. 'Nothing, really.'

Mello smiled that smile he gave me when he was being incredibly cynical. 'I don't believe you.' He put his feet on the kitchen table and leaned back in his chair. His big boots weren't exactly made to be put on a fragile table like this, but complaining about it now seemed kind of stupid, so I let him.

'Why would you suddenly say "I'm going to freaking kill that bastard"? I think you were talking about L. I think you just realised something.' He looked at me with so much fire in his eyes that I felt like he was about to burn me. 'You are going to tell me what it is you've realised.'

I kind of hoped Matt would come to my rescue again, but he had become a statue to the counter, his back turned to me. He wasn't going to help me now.

'I didn't really realise anything,' I lied, shrugging again. 'I'm just kind of pissed off that he dumped me here.'

Mello pulled one eyebrow up. 'You are pissed that he dumped you?Are you serious?' He laughed a short and cynical laugh. Mello rarely laughed and when he did, it was never sincere. I always wondered what kind of dark and depressing place his mind really was. 'I really didn't think you were this stupid. Answer this, why wouldn't L dump you?'

Silence. Of course there was silence. What was I supposed to say to that? I knew that Mello was right. L didn't need me and I kept running after him because I wanted to feel needed. To feel important. Ryuzaki needs us, Watari had said. But really, what was the point of running after someone who kept dumping you?

No. I shouldn't think like this. Ryuzaki had brought me here because he knew it was dangerous. That meant that he didn't want me to die, wasn't that in a way needing me, if he wanted me to live?

But the silence had felt like a victory for Mello. 'See? You can't even answer me.' Only then did he notice that his friend was unusually silent. 'What do you think, Matt? Don't you agree? I truly don't understand L's fascination with this chick. I would never let myself be distracted like that.'

'I disagree, actually,' Matt turned around slowly and looked at his friend with a humoured expression, but also kind of bored. 'Allies can be your best weapon if you use them right.'

I shivered, but Mello didn't seem bothered by the idea of using people. 'Yeah, well,' he said, sounding slightly disappointed that his friend had once again sided against him. 'That doesn't mean I don't want to know why she just ran off like that!'

Matt focused his eyes on me now. 'I must admit that I'm also curious.'

Jesus, this guy. Saying he isn't interested in anything I do because it's boring months ago and now prying into my business like he was Mello all of the sudden.

'Ditching class again?'

All eyes wandered off to the little boy in white who'd just entered the room. Near observed us all very intently, but his eyes remained on Matt as his eyes narrowed.

'Near, seriously, fuck off,' Mello spat, sounding incredibly annoyed as always, whenever Near was concerned, anyway.

Near completely ignored him, also as usual, but what wasn't usual was the way Near was staring at Matt and he was staring back, too, like they were having a strange conversation without words. As Near slowly walked into the kitchen, he put his hands in his pockets. 'I believe that coming here has change the… dynamic. It's hard to keep up with some people's actions.' Finally, Near's eyes shot towards Mello. 'You shouldn't ask things you are not allowed to know.' And then his eyes met mine. 'And you should do the right thing and obey L's orders. If he tells you to stay here, stay here. Don't listen to these two. And—' Near glanced over to Matt again, but he didn't say anything. Than a childish smile appeared on his face, a smile I had seen many times before, but on someone else's face. 'Never mind. That was all.'

Near was already gone when Mello started to understand what had just happened. 'Near, you brat!' he shouted.

I laughed. I knew that Mello was smart, but he was really so thick sometimes. I remembered how Matt had talked about Near, as if he was a bad choice to success L. Did Matt actually believe Mello would be the right choice? I thought Mello could do it, for sure, once he became a bit more like an adult. But could he do it when he didn't pay attention to certain details when he though they weren't important?

Well, wasn't L kind of like that, too? Did he understand humans that well? Maybe not, but I was quite sure L would notice it if I grew a bit suddenly.

And he would also notice it when someone was staring at him, like Matt was staring at me right now. Again. When I turned my head to look back at him, he already looked away again.

Then I rested my eyes on Mello, who met my eyes and held them for a long time. His legs and arms were crossed, but his face was calm now, thoughtful. He looked much wiser and older like this and his blue eyes seemed so clear now that there was no anger.

I suddenly felt like fleeing. 'Um. I think I'm going to… go…' I pointed at the door as if they couldn't understand what I'd meant with that without it.

Mello closed his eyes and nodded.

I nodded back and left, noticing that Matt hadn't said any sort of goodbye before I left, which he normally would do.

This place was really messing with everyone's heads, it seemed.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **WHAT?! It's over already?! Waaah, this chapter went by so fast. Well. Bigger things will happen in the next chapter. Probably. Maybe. *evil laugh***

 **Also, let me get this out of the way. I HATE HIGH SCHOOL. I don't even know why I decided to spread my senior year out over two years, I'm so regretting that right now. Oh well.**

 **And did you know that it's actually really difficult** **not** **to spoil your own story? I have to keep myself in check while replying to reviews…**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: Good to know, I'll try my very best to keep him alive ;) And well, L is a complex character, so I'm slowly building on it. Matt is more of a people person than L will ever be. I think most of us are, actually xD**

 **AuroraStargazers: You aren't nagging me at all, so stop worrying about that! L is just complex, so I try to go inside his mind to rationalise his actions, but because this story never really takes place from his POV, you guys of course can't understand all of L's actions that well. And I think she would've guessed the think about the codes, too. She's not stupid and she** ** _knows_** **L. And I think she takes it will because she has been dumped anyway, at least she can feel flattered that he lied to make her feel important or something. And I think that in some stories, Mello is portrayed as kind of an aggressive idiot. Which he kind of is, but he also is a genius, so I always try not to make him** ** _too_** **cartoony. And I feel so sorry for that cat! That's like the number one character I want to survive now xD (just kidding, don't be scared now, I won't kill off everyone except the cat, although that would be the plottwist of the century xD).**

 **Darcy18: Hey, landgenootje ;) And thank you very much! :D**

 **Luna Latanya: Hahahaha ice cream date! That actually sounds sort of amazing… Hmmm… And yayy, I improved! That's one of the compliments I love getting, because than you feel like you are progressing and learning and stuff like that, you get me, don't you? ;D**

* * *

 **XxX**


	41. Beauty

**I'm writing again! Why? Because I want to. Screw the homework. And yes, I say that after the first week of school. Aren't I cool? xD (nope, remember, kids, you need to study! ;D)**

 ****Oh look, I still do not own Death Note. What a shame. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **41\. Beauty**

Beauty isn't something L thought about.

He understood the concept, of course, he knew the science behind beauty, that wasn't hard to understand, but he never really thought about people and things as 'beautiful'. 'Fascinating', 'interesting' and 'suspicious' were the words he used more often than 'beautiful'. But it seemed like he had found things he found beautiful.

Like the way Allison puckered her lips when she was thinking. Or how her eyebrows never seemed to stay still on her face, they reacted to every single thing. Or the way she crossed her arms and looked at him like he was an absolute moron.

These were the things he noticed, although he wished he didn't. Humans weren't exactly a species that he liked to get close to. He was actually quite sure such a species didn't exist. He looked down at his screen again, where all the cameras in Wammy's House were showed. Nothing but empty rooms and hallways.

His phone rang, snapping his head up. He grabbed the device to answer, seeing that the number was familiar, but not the one he'd secretly hoped for.

Before picking up the phone, L sighed. Sometimes he really wished he _wasn't_ human. Sometimes he was almost certain that he wasn't.

' _Yes, hello?_ ' he said, putting on a slightly different voice just in case.

' _We have a situation, sir_ ,' the FBI agent said without introducing herself.

L was quiet for three seconds, though about those words. When not immediately describing the situation, it meant that it was a complicated one. Or a very, very unfortunate one. 'What is it?' L asked.

' _The death notes, sir. I'm afraid they have been stolen._ '

* * *

XxX

 _Allison's POV_

'Jesus Christ, these children.'

Hannah was looking through the kitchen cabinets to see what it was she needed to buy. It was early in the morning, but it was a Saturday, so there were only special classes given by Roger. I was quite certain Mello and Near both attended that class, but Matt was probably still sleeping. All the other children were still kept away from me and even though I pretended like I didn't notice, I _did_ notice. I wasn't _that_ stupid, after all.

'How much cereal did Matt eat? Oh, that boy is going to be so fat when he grows up.' Hannah scribbled something down on her grocery list. 'And someone has been eating all the strawberry jam. I already bought twice as much as I did back at Wammy's! Who suddenly took such a liking for strawberry jam?'

'I didn't,' I told her, chewing on the apple I was holding. I was sitting in the chair Mello was sitting in yesterday, but I had the decency _not_ to put my feet on the table.

'Well, whoever it is, they could've told me,' Hannah said, 'but so much jam is just disappearing! I think someone is just eating it from the jar!'

I laughed at that. 'They're children, of course they do that. I always ate Nutella from the jar, I had one jar in my room and a spoon and I would just eat that. Mom always wondered where all the Nutella jars went—' I paused. Stopped. Talking about my parents wasn't something I did often, and now that I did, I wished that I hadn't. Although the memories might not all be sad, remembering the good ones was sometimes worse. Because those were left behind, too.

Hannah looked at me with a soft smile. 'Yes, but you didn't have to share with a whole house full of children.' She sighed and finished her grocery list. 'I _think_ that is everything. I'll be going then.' She put the list in her bag. 'Don't sneak off while I'm gone,' she joked and although I would still be here when she got back, she had no idea that I was planning on 'sneaking off' as soon as Watari said the words.

* * *

XxX

Packing things wasn't necessary, so I didn't do it. I just waited around, trying to avoid everyone because of the strange atmosphere here. Hannah acted normal and Near acting odd wasn't abnormal, but the others? Well, Roger was always hard to read and Watari was actually helping me, but Matt and Mello? I started to agree with Near, they really were up to something. I just couldn't get any grip on what it was. It didn't seem like they were planning on going after L.

The news came sudden, at the end of the fifth day. Roger came storming into my room, a phone in his hand. 'Put the television on,' he said.

I had a television in my room. I wasn't sure why, I didn't understand a word French, but it was here. So when Roger ordered me to put the television on, I did. And then he ordered: 'Channel 218.'

Jesus, I didn't even know there were that many channels. But I again did what he asked.

BBC. Huh. How was I supposed to know I had that on my television?

I sat on my knees on my bed and watched. It was BBC News and the letters on the screen alarmed me. The remote control fell out of my hand. ' _As of now, we have heard no confirmation from either the police nor L, but all the signs seem to be there,_ ' the reporter said. ' _Last night, over fifty criminals died of heart attacks. Does this mean that Kira is back?_ '

In red letters on the screen, the word was there. _KIRA is back?_

'What... the hell is this?!' I said, looking at Roger.

Roger still held the phone on his ear. 'Yes, yes, she's seen it... No, I don't think she knew, she is very surprised… What?... Yes, I suppose…' Roger looked away from me and then back again. 'Has the Japanese Task Force been informed?... Ah, yes, I understand. We'll correspond with the governments.'

Roger hung up as I was just staring into the distance. Kira was back. This wasn't a coincidence. We didn't need an investigation, we didn't need a Task Force to figure out who Kira was this time.

And it certainly wasn't Light.

'Where's Watari?' I asked, still staring into the distance.

Roger cleared his throat and grabbed the remote and pressed a button. BBC News disappeared. But the news itself didn't.

'Ryuzaki has requested his assistance, so he left,' Roger explained and he did sound like he was sorry about it.

Ryuzaki requested Watari's assistance. And not mine. Did that guy ever change? And now that Watari was gone, I had barely any hope of getting out of here. Unless…

I pretended to be tired. 'I get it, Roger. Now can you please… leave me be? I'm so tired.' I fell backwards on the bed and closed my eyes. After that, I waited for the footsteps, the door opened and closed, more footsteps. I waited until it was completely silent before I took out my phone and called my bank. All my money was still on my bank account in Japan, after all. Including the money L had given me even though I had given him no permission to do so.

'Yes, hello? I would like to know how much money I actually have on my account right now, if it's not too much trouble.'

* * *

XxX

Four in the morning. Even Matt didn't stay up until that late. That's why I came down at four in the morning, as silently as I could.

The whole house was so quiet and outside seemed quiet, too. Like the world wanted me to notice every single sound I made.

But I reached the door. With my bag tightly in my hand, I reached for the doorknob and tried to open the door. Locked, of course. Not only with all the locks I could unlock from the inside without a key, but for two, I did need a key. And I didn't have one, nor did I have any means to get one. I didn't even know where those things were kept.

'Going somewhere?'

I spun around so fast I felt dizzy. Matt was standing in the hallway, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed and slightly bend over, like L did when he leaned against a wall. He had his familiar expression again. Bored and only slightly amused. Still, there was something odd about it. I hated the fact that I couldn't put my finger on it.

'I'm going nowhere,' I said innocently. Then I added: 'I don't have the key.'

That got me a short laugh, breathless and almost completely soundless. Then Matt reached into his pocket and held up a shiny silver thing. 'You mean this key?'

I almost screamed, but I managed to control myself. I almost ran towards him, even though we weren't that far apart. 'You are a hero, Matt!'

He laughed again, but a bit sarcastically this time. 'Yes, right, of course. If you say so.' He handed me the key. Then he smiled and pulled out another key. 'And the car key, if you need it. It's Hannah's, she was the easiest to pickpocket.'

I took the car key, even though I couldn't drive, I could always learn, or… guess what I was supposed to do. Watari had tried to learn me once, but circumstances had never really been ideal.

I stared up at mad, suddenly afraid he'd asked to come with me, or tell me that Mello wanted to come or something. But no such thing happened. Instead, he winked and turned around, walking away while waving. 'Do give the genius my greetings,' he said.

I looked at him as he walked away, not sure where he was walking to, but as he disappeared into the darkness, I decided that it didn't matter.

* * *

XxX

The car ride to town was probably the most difficulty thirty minutes of my life, after which I parked the car and took the bus, because I wasn't going to risk getting into a car accident now.

When I reached a town big enough to have cabs, I took a cab to the nearest airport. Which was apparently Paris and it took a few hours to arrive. Luckily I had my magic credit card. Even though L had given the money to me, I still felt guilty as I paid with it.

It was already nine in the morning when I arrived at the airport. Had they realised I was missing already? No one was calling me.

It wasn't until I was already in the airplane when I realised that I had no clue how to get from London to the orphanage. I had no secret car to pick me up and I had no magic Matt who would give me car keys. And I didn't have an address, so I couldn't take a cab.

These worries occupied my mind, I still had no idea what to do when I went through passport control. It was a worry less that Ryuzaki had actually given me my fake passport. I had no way of escaping the country if he hadn't. Which made me wonder why he'd left it in the first place, but maybe he had been afraid problems would arise when he wasn't there to help me.

It took about three minutes after I left passport control for my phone to start ringing. It was Roger. I picked up. 'Hey, Roger,' I tried to say as cheerfully as possible.

'You know that what you've done is inexcusable?'

'Um. Yes?'

A sigh on the other end of the line. Then: 'Watari is waiting for you outside.' Roger hung up the phone. The fact that he'd given me this news, not L of Watari himself, told me that either L was really busy or kind of annoyed at me right now. Could I blame him? I wasn't really sure anymore, because I had no clue as to where we were standing. Friends? Colleagues? _Lovers?_

No, definitely not the last one.

I walked outside while trying not to think (not succeeding as well as I'd wanted to) and found Watari easily. He was standing outside the main entrance, looking rather tired and worried. He kept checking his watch and even though I may have looked calm to people who didn't know him, I knew he was in some sort of panic.

I walked towards him. 'Hey,' I said, not sure what else to say.

He gave me a smile, but it was hesitant. 'You haven't disappointed me, miss Upson.'

'Olivia, please,' I offered for once. It wasn't my real name, anyway.

Watari nodded. 'I'll take you to Ryuzaki's office now.'

I frowned. 'Not the orphanage?'

Watari closed his eyes and shook his head with a small smile. 'No, though he is watching the place very securely.'

I nodded as we started to walk towards wherever Watari had parked the car. I waiting until we were inside of the car when I asked: 'Is Kira really back?'

That wasn't the question and Watari knew it. I was asking: " _Has Beyond Birthday taken on the role of Kira?"_

'Most likely, yes, in a way,' Watari answered, looking troubled. But just this small fact couldn't be the reason he was like this.

'Is everything okay with Ryuzaki?' I asked him, frowning. 'He is not hurt, is he? Has he been eating well since he left? I know you are by his side now, but before…'

'Ryuzaki is fine considering the circumstances,' Watari answered, but his voice gave it away. There was the problem. Not with Beyond, or Kira. With Ryuzaki. Something was wrong with Ryuzaki.

That wasn't good news at all. 'Watari,' I began, than stopped. I was going to see L in a bit, maybe I shouldn't pressure Watari to tell me now. I could figure it out on my own. And I _would._ No one was going to tell me what I can or can't do.

Not even L himself.

* * *

XxX

The hotel was another freaking expensive hotel.

According to Watari, the whole fourteenth floor had been booked by them to make for a new Task Force headquarters. Watari told me that the FBI actually paid of the hotel in order to get L's help.

'But this isn't really a case we need to solve, right?' I asked as we got out of the elevator on the thirteenth floor and started to walk to the stairs to the fourteenth floor. 'We already know who's doing all of this.'

'Yes,' Watari agreed. 'But just as with Light Yagami, knowing alone is never enough to solve a case. You need prove and you need to catch the criminal. That last part may have been easy with Light Yagami, but with this person we're dealing with now…'

The fourteenth floor was locked. The elevator didn't go there and you needed the key to get from the staircase to the floor. Watari opened it and we walked in the hallway, only to unlock another room again and walking in there.

'Ryuzaki?' Watari called. 'She's here.'

Silence. Watari slowly lead me to another part of the room and there he was. His back was turned to me and he was sitting in a big fancy chair. Sweets were spread out all over the floor, and there were eight screens in front of him. One of which, the biggest one, played a sort of news program.

'It has been confirmed that all fifty criminals who have died from a heart attack were criminals detective L had put in prison. This raises the question, does L agree with Kira's ideas? Is he planning on killing every single one of the criminals he put behind bars?'

I froze. Something was wrong with Ryuzaki indeed. Beyond wasn't only killing criminals. He was killing criminals related to L. Which meant that – just like this program proved – it was only a matter of time before everyone would suspect L. The FBI wouldn't work with him when that happened and the governments would refuse to cooperate, too. L would've lost all of the credibility.

Beyond Birthday wasn't only playing Kira. He was playing the monster that would bring L down.

Ryuzaki turned around in his chair than and observed me. His bags were worse than normally (I didn't even think that was possible) and his usual childlike expressions weren't there. This was the first time where I thought Ryuzaki actually looked his age.

It felt all wrong.

 _'_ Ah, miss Upson,' Ryuzaki said, sounding normal, at least. That might be a good sign. 'How nice to see you again. You're here to help me?'

I had been planning on punching him when I saw him again, but seeing him in this state killed every part of me that had wanted to do that. I just wanted to hug him. But that wouldn't really be comforting to him, since he disliked human contact, so I didn't. Instead, I walked over to him and sat on the ground, grabbing some of the candy and shoving it away to make room. When Ryuzaki didn't seem bothered by my nearness, I reached out with my hand and touched his arm in an attempt to console him, even though he was pretending he didn't need it. I gave him a small smile and my hand reached for his hand, giving it a small squeeze. It felt so nostalgic when I looked up at the man in the chair and asked: 'How are we going to catch Kira this time?'

* * *

XxX

'It was columnar transposition, in case you were wondering.'

I looked up from the security cameras to Ryuzaki. 'What?'

'The last piece of the decoding,' he said. Ryuzaki had given me the task of keeping watch of Wammy's House and he himself was trying to find Beyond's location, since he obviously wasn't were the code told us he would be. 'Like you had said, maybe we would need a keyword. Well, you were right. Columnar transposition. Do you know what it is?'

I rolled my eyes. 'Of course I do. I am a decoder, remember? How could I not know? It's a message written out in rows of a fixed length, and then read out again column by column, the columns are chosen in scrambled order. Both the width of the rows and the permutation of the columns are usually defined by a keyword.'

Ryuzaki nodded. 'And to decipher it, we have to work out the column lengths by dividing the message length by the key length. Then we can write the message out in columns again, then re-order the columns by reforming the keyword.'

'So.'

Ryuzaki looked away from his computer, confused. 'So… what?'

'So, what was the keyword?'

'I thought you figured it out,' Ryuzaki said, sounding almost disappointed, but not really.

I nodded. 'I did, but with columnar transposition, you can also scramble the words about until you get a sentence that actually makes sense. That's how I did it.'

Ryuzaki shook his head. 'That's what Beyond _wants_. The solution to the code isn't what he wanted me to find. He wanted me to find the keyword.'

'Why?' I asked, totally not following anymore. 'What _was_ the keyword, Ryuzaki?'

He looked at me with an odd expression, a small smile on his face like he was remembering something good, but with a sad aftertaste. ' _Light_.'

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Oooooh yes. I like it** ** _way_** **more when Allison and L are together.**

 **And, for the ones of you that are interested, here's how you solve BB's code.**

 **Step 1. You change the letters into numbers: 7 12 8 14 22 19 15 12 20 22 = GLHNVSOLTV.**

 **Step 2. You reverse the alphabet: GLHNVSOLTV = TOSMEHLOGE**

 **Step 3. Use columnar transposition with as keyword 'Light' (you can google columnar transposition to figure out how to do it, it's kind of complicated and I'm too lazy to explain xD): TOSMEHLOGE = LETSGOHOME.**

 **And there you go, that's how you solve it. But, just as L said, the 'Light'-part is more important than the LETSGOHOME-part.**

 **These two-updates-per-week aren't a common thing, I know, but I wanted to write before I made homework AND I want to write next week, so I'm updating now instead of next week. Because I like writing. Maybe a tiny bit too much…**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **InsaneUnicornCupcake: *bows* thank you very much! And no spoilers from me, hehehehehehehe.**

 **AuroraStargazers: theories are never stupid/silly, that's why I like theories so much. Oh, and I explained the decoing of BB's code earlier in the author's notes, so I won't repeat it here ;D And even though I sometimes hate killing characters, it can be so satisfying sometimes. But don't worry, I'm still a sucker for happy endings ;) Hugsies!**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: ooh, which one is my favourite? Okay, here comes a complicated answer. In the manga and anime, I like Matt the most, I think because he isn't in it much, and because of that, he can't annoy me as much as Mello and Near sometimes did. Near is my favourite whenever he is in a fanfiction and he is my favourite to write, too, I think. Mello is a difficult character to keep likable, so he is hard to write and I find him easily annoying, though I think he was least annoying in the manga (he just annoys me in the anime and in most of the fanfictions, for some reason). So there you go. A pretty complicated answer for a relatively easy question, isn't it? xD Sorry about that.**

 **Luna Latanya: Keeping Mello likable is one of the hardest challenges I face while writing this story, so it's amazing to know that I haven't failed (yet). And I'll look them up and get back on you when I've seen some of their stuff. And yes, sorry, Light just had to go. I have a feeling I made him so terribly unlikable in my story, but yeah, we'll just have to wait to see what happens with Mello. And Near is the cutest little ball of snow. I find it so weird that I like him so much in my own story, while I could get so annoyed at him in both the anime and manga xD And no problem, as always! I love writing and I love replying to reviews. It's become one of my favourite aspects of writing on this site, reading and responding to reviews! Bye bye!**

 **EmeraldHeart1203: Oh, that's a good question! I always see Near as an even less human version of L, so maybe he does take an interest in her, but he will never show it. And as far as Matt goes… he is a young man who has been stuck with younger children (and mostly guys) all his life. I think anyone who lived like that would at least take some interest in the mysterious girl who suddenly walked into their lives. That's all I say about the matter for now ;)**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Thank you for reading/reviewing/everything else. I love you guys! See you next week!**

 **-xx-**

 **Sofia**


	42. Spoon

**I'm sick! Like, holy hell, I'm sick! So I was thinking about not updating, but here I am, because I'm crazy. Well, yeah, of course I am, but this only proves it. I wanted to write on Saturday, actually, but I was way too sick then. My English always becomes much,** ** _much_** **worse when sick.**

 **Also, I'm actually dying my hair blue next week and I only now realise that Olivia has (had, technically, but that still breaks my heart) blue hair, so I feel connected to her now somehow. Dang it, now I miss her blue hair. Which is weird, because even though it's not blue now, whenever I write a scene, most of the time I still imagine her with blue hair. That's just what she looks like in my head, can't do anything about that. Well. That was enough rambling for today. Let's go!**

 ****Oh look, I still do not own Death Note. What a shame. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **42\. Spoon**

'Light,' I repeated.

Ryuzaki simply nodded.

' _Light?_ As in the person?' I asked then, as if Ryuzaki had just told me his secret talent was that he could turn into a frog. 'What has Light have to do with any of this?'

'Well, outside of the obvious answer,' he gave a quick nod to one of the screens that still showed Kira-related news items, 'I think Beyond Birthday wanted to show me that he solved the case, even though he wasn't actually there during it. He solved it with the limited information he had access to in prison. I think that was the message he wanted me to receive.'

'So, he is also childish.'

'Pardon?' Ryuzaki asked.

'Beyond Birthday,' I answered. 'By doing what he did, he is just trying to prove that he is better than you, right? Killing people over that, escaping prison because of that, that seems like a Kira-thing to do. Only Kira would go about it differently.'

Ryuzaki nodded. 'That is correct.'

I looked at the screens Ryuzaki was looking at. 'You've found no sign of him? Even though the note said _Let's go home?_ Don't you think that's a little strange?'

'Beyond Birthday is impulsive and very unpredictable. The only think I don't expect of him is the expectable.'

* * *

XxX

Beyond Birthday didn't come. And still didn't. Criminals were dying, even the ones no one knew that L was the one who put them behind bars. The FBI cut off their cooperation after a week, but all the other organisations and countries were a lot less trusting than that. I always thought L was alone. But now, I knew I was wrong. L had never been more alone than he was right now.

And all because the world thought he was Kira.

There was no after him yet, but the media was turning on L with such speed that that could only be a matter of time. Ryuzaki didn't seem to care, but I wasn't sure if he just acted well or if that really was the case. It upset me and Watari, though.

Ryuzaki still did not want me to know much about Beyond Birthday. The things I knew were that he used to live at Wammy's, he was a few years younger than Ryuzaki and he was excellent at disguises. And he was childish, liked strawberry jam and was probably completely crazy.

It came to me, way, way, later, that maybe, just maybe, the note was directed to me.

It couldn't be true, obviously. Beyond didn't even know about my existence before he escaped. But what if the note was meant for L, but he changed his mind when I was the one who went to the prison? What if he really had been that strange guy in the hotel? What if he wanted _me,_ not L?

I started to wonder if Beyond Birthday was really after L's life. He had a death note, apparently and if they knew each other, wasn't there a chance he knew L's true name? And that stuff about the numbers and letters he saw… What if he had the Shinigami eyes? Then he _must_ know L's name. And he still wasn't killing him? Then how could that be the goal?

But what _was_ his goal then?

My fear of being wrong kicked in again since the start of this case and I rarely talked to Ryuzaki. I didn't know how to anymore. Whatever we had had before he left me in France, the rising of Kira had – at least temporary – killed it.

When I walked back into the main room, Ryuzaki was on the phone, Watari standing next to him looking even more worried than he had the last few days.

'And you're sure it's only those three?... No, no, Matt would never let Mello kill him… Yes, that's fine. I think I have an idea about where they are… Yes, thank you, Roger. Don't let other children leave… Yes. Goodbye.' Ryuzaki hung up the phone.

I didn't need to be a genius to figure this one out. 'Matt and Mello kidnapped Near,' I said, sounding more annoyed than worried.

'That's Roger's theory, yes,' Ryuzaki laid the phone in Watari's hand.

I frowned. 'But not yours?'

Ryuzaki picked up a chocolate cookie from the big bowl of cookies on the table besides him. 'Mine is that they somehow tracked you back here and are coming after you now, because they believe I require their help at the moment.'

 _Matt._ I instantly knew the culprit. 'No wonder Matt let me go so easily. I'm going to kill him!'

Ryuzaki chuckled. Watari and I both looked at him confused. He hadn't made any sort of amused sound these past few days. 'I thought I was a special case for receiving death threats from you,' Ryuzaki explained.

Odd thing to laugh about, yes, but at least he seemed happier now. A bit.

'So. You think they are coming here?' I asked then, after Watari had left the room to do god knows what.

'Yes, I do believe that,' Ryuzaki said.

'But you might be wrong?' I asked, even though it seemed like a stupid think to ask L, the greatest detective in the world.

But to my surprise he said: 'Well, yes, I might be.'

Maybe this whole situation _was_ messing with _his_ brain, too.

I stood behind his chair and rested my hands on his shoulders. 'Everything's going to be alright, you know?'

He didn't answer my question, but I didn't think that was because he'd realised it was a rhetorical one.

It was because he knew the answer was 'no'.

* * *

XxX

They didn't come.

Ryuzaki was wrong. _L_ was wrong. It became more and more clear that those three weren't going to show. And even Ryuzaki was showing his worry now, like it was so much he couldn't hide it. Watari was on the case, but since Beyond Birthday seemed to have disappeared from the face of the earth, me and Ryuzaki helped, too. They didn't take the airplane, that was one fact. Good thing about the three of them was, no matter how disguised they were, they were pretty easy to spot. When the airport staff said they didn't know, we simply hacked into their systems and watched footage from the last few days. They weren't there.

Next were the trains. That was way harder, simply because there were so many more train stations than airports.

The thought no one dared to say out loud became a greater and greater presence when the days went on. Beyond got to them. Beyond got to them and got rid of them.

They could be dead.

No, no, no, no. I could not, _would_ not, let that be the truth. It couldn't be. This couldn't be happening. The danger was supposed to be _here,_ with us. Not with them.

And then, on the third day, a small ray of hope. 'I FOUND THEM!'

I jumped up and down as I pointed at the screen. And there they were. On a train station in Paris, not wearing disguising at all. The three of them, it really was them!

Ryuzaki came closer, but before he could look at the screen, I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a hug. 'I found them Ryuzaki!' I shouted again, smelling his scent.

And noticing that he had become frozen like a statue.

I let him go awkwardly, only to see something flash across his face, an emotion I didn't recognize. But then he shook his head short and quickly and looked at the screen. He didn't even check for more than three seconds before grabbing his phone. 'Watari. Do research on the train that left the station around seven in the morning on the giving date.' He hung up so quickly I knew Watari had no time to respond to the order.

'It really is them,' I sounded so relieved.

But then I realised that this meant almost nothing. 'But where are they now?'

* * *

XxX

On day five Ryuzaki had put me back on the Kira case and he and Watari were still trying to find the children. Not that there was much to do for me. Who were dying? Less and less every day, but everyone who died was a criminal that was somehow related to an L-investigation. Beyond Birthday was nowhere to be found.

It was this day that I came outside for the first time since arriving. Watari had asked me to pick up the cakes he'd ordered wrong the nearby bakery. Which I thought was stupid, because if Beyond knew about L's sweet tooth, he could just ask around bakeries in the city to know where L was. Lucky enough for me, Beyond wasn't my priority right now. I thought about Near and Matt and Mello. So young. Experienced and strange, but young. If Beyond killed Near… Near had barely seen anything of the world. Okay, neither of those three seemed to really _want_ to see the world, but still. No one had the right to kill anyone. And killing a child was even worse.

I walked into the bakery Watari had described and the lady immediately knew why I was here. 'Ah, miss Wammy?'

Wammy? Um. Sure. 'Ah, yes. I came to pick up my order.'

The lady smiled. 'I know, dear. You're early.'

'Olivia!'

I froze. Turned. Looked at the young boy with the familiar goggles who was sitting in the café-part of the bakery with a croissant and a small tray of strawberry jam.

Matt.

 _Matt._

Ignoring the fact that this was completely rude towards the lady I'd been talking to, I ran towards Matt and as he stood to greed me, I hugged him. 'I. Was. So. Worried!' I cried out. I let him go then and he looked almost uncomfortable, but only for a few seconds, then he smiled. I did not give him time to talk, though. 'Where were you guys? Why did you escape? And where is Near? You didn't leave him alone with Mello, did you? That's dangerous!'

'Lovely to see you, too, Olivia,' Matt replied dryly. 'Come on. Sit down, I'll explain everything.'

I sat down. Matt went back to his food. Well. He didn't touch his croissant, but he ate the strawberry jam with a spoon as he observed me. 'You don't look so well,' he said.

I shook my head. 'No,' I said, 'we are going to talk about you first. You look different, as well.' And he did. It was something in his expression, like amusement or enjoyment?, something Matt rarely showed. Matt was usually just bored with everything.

'Well, yes. After me and Mello left the safehouse…'

'You and Mello?' I interrupted. 'Not Near?'

Matt sighed annoyed. 'Let me finish, okay?' he asked.

Now I sighed, too. 'Yes, I'm sorry. Go on.'

Matt stuffed another spoon with strawberry jam in his mouth. 'Well, like you said, Near came after us. He was the one who told us to take a harder to track route to here, so that Kira wouldn't be able to follow us. And now we're here. Mello wanted to burst into the hotel as soon as we got here, but Near and I decided that it was better if I approached you first.'

This didn't make any sense. 'How? Where? The money? How did you know I was going to be here, not Watari? And how are you supposed to—'

I stopped when Matt took another spoon of strawberry jam. _…liked strawberry jam._

 _'_ _Matt, you've grown!'_

 _'_ _And someone has been eating all the strawberry jam. I already bought twice as much as I did back at Wammy's! Who suddenly took such a liking for strawberry jam?'_

His expression were different. His choice of words was different. And right now, he was looking at me like he wanted to stab me.

I tried to conceal the fact that I was completely freaking out. 'But… how did Mello and Near not kill each other on the way?' I asked, trying to find to way to confirm my suspicions. Trying to confirm the fact that this man was indeed not Matt. But now that I thought that, it was all I could see.

'Mello listens to me and Near… well, you know how Near feels about being alone,' Matt-who-might-not-be-Matt said.

 _All I can see and hear and feel is Beyond._

But whether it really was Beyond or if it was actually Matt, they were both geniuses, so of course he noticed. 'Why are you suddenly looking at me like that?'

I swallowed. Then, I decided to do something dangerous. 'You don't like strawberries.'

One eyebrow shot up. Did Matt do that? I wasn't sure, had Matt done that before? Was that something he regularly did? 'So?'

'You are eating that jam with so much enjoyment, it's confusing,' I explained, trying to keep my face blank. My hands started shaking, so I hid them under the table.

He laughed shortly. 'You don't look confused.' His laugh disappeared. 'You look scared, Allison Severs.'

I froze.

His voice stayed Matt-like, but he used it differently now. Like he was making less effort. 'Oh, this is too bad. I had a plan on luring you into my car once we left, but that won't be possible now, so let's do it in a less fun way.' He stood. 'I'm going to pay my meal and you are going to come with me outside. Tell the pretty lady that you will pick the order up later.'

'Why?' I asked, but it didn't sound impressive because my voice was shaking.

His laugh smile was so not similar to Matt's smile now. 'Because I will kill your three little friends if you don't. Well then. Why don't you get emotionally prepared. Also.' He leaned forward and put his face only inches away from mine. Then his hand slipped into my pocket and removed my phone. He displayed it when he pulled away. 'This is mine now.' Then he turned around and walked over to the lady to pay.

My breath became unstable, my heart was pounding in my chest. I could make a run for it, there was a chance I could make it. I could shout, but that lady here couldn't do much to help me, and there were no other customers. And everything I did could kill Near, Matt or Mello. Or worse. All three of them.

L. _L. L._

How would Ryuzaki feel when he finds out? Shit, everything was going wrong. How could this happen? How could I _not_ have noticed until now? How can a man that had been in prison for so long, new a boy so well that he could successfully imitate him, so accurately that even his best friend didn't notice?

I didn't have time to think for answers. Beyond was already coming back for me.

And I had no other choice but to follow him.

I quickly turned to the camera and said a silent 'not your fault' before following Beyond to what could be the end of me.

I just hoped Ryuzaki could read lips.

* * *

XxX

The car was a dark red and small and it smelled like peppermint and old people.

God, I did not want to know how he got this car.

He drove oddly, everything he did was oddly now that he wasn't It wasn't L-odd and it wasn't Near-odd. Beyond had his own specific brand of 'odd'. Though it was kind of similar to L, he did everything with more difficulty and force. Ryuzaki touched things like he didn't want to touch them. Beyond touched things like he wanted to break them.

'How did you do it?' I asked, not looking at the murderer next to me. 'The looks, I can comprehend, but the voice and characteristics?'

'Voice-chip,' Beyond said, sounding way too proud of himself. 'The rest is this imitation.'

'You didn't even know Matt.'

'File report, security cameras. It's not that hard if you know what's you're doing, sweetheart.'

'L will come for you.'

'Oooh,' he said, sounding so amused that I looked at him. The look on his face was pure joy. 'I'm counting on it.'

* * *

XxX

'Shit! Near? Are you there?'

Mello tried to focus, but in this dark room, there wasn't much to see. The only light came from a red lamp and red wasn't really the best colour of light.

But still, it wasn't hard for him to find the boy on the ground, because he was completely dressed in white. He struggled towards the boy. 'Near? Hello?'

No reaction. Mello swore and just let him be.

'You are too loud, you'll wake the others up.'

In an instant, Mello turned around. 'Matt!' Even though Mello still felt the drugs in his body and knew that the bastard did something to his legs, because they refused to move all too well. Mello rushed over to the young man sitting in the corner, looking thin and helpless and sick.

'Are you alright?' Mello asked, trying to see if Matt had injuries, but because of the light, he couldn't really tell. Everything looked like blood in this light.

Matt only grabbed Mello's shirt. 'That guy, he's crazy, he's…'

'Beyond Birthday,' Near muttered, not bothering sitting up. He was facing the wrong wall, but didn't try to turn around. 'I'd already guessed it.'

'Oh, yeah?' Mello spat. 'Then why didn't you say something?'

Near laughed shortly. 'Because I'm more like you than I care to admit,' was the only answer Mello got.

'No, Mello, stop,' Matt said before Mello could get really angry. 'No matter _who_ that guy is, he's crazy. He talks to himself. And he kept talking about…' he swallowed. 'A girl named Allison. And I think… I think that's Olivia, Mello. I think Olivia is in danger.'

'What the hell are you talking about, Matt? We are all in danger!' Mello shouted.

'Ssh, you'll wake the others up,' Matt repeated.

'What others?' Near asked.

'There are others here,' Matt explained. 'They are silent now, probably because they want to listen to us.' Matt shut his eyes. 'How long have I been here?'

'I—I don't know,' Mello admitted.

Matt's eyes shot open and he looked at his friend with a cynical look. 'You don't know?' he asked, sounding slightly angry.

'Well, yes, kinda?' Mello answered. 'You didn't disappear, buddy. He just… took your place… I guess.'

Matt closed his eyes again. There was a long silence before he laughed a short laugh with no hint of happiness in it and said: 'Well, at least that explains it.'

Mello frowned. 'Explains what?'

'What he said when he grabbed me,' Matt clarified.

'What did he say?'

Another short chuckle. 'He said: _you'll do._ '

* * *

 **XxX**

 **END OF THE CHAPTER! Sorry if it was short, but again, I'm sick. And this was some interesting development, was it not? I really like torturing myself, Jesus Christ. I keep taking Allison away from L! I'm so mean. But hey, at least Mello, Matt AND Near are still alive! That's something! Anyway, next week there might not be an update because I have stuff on Friday AND Saturday AND Sunday, but if I will update, it will most certainly be Sunday, so there you go. See you next time!**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: Yes, poor blondie indeed. I do think Mello is one of the most tragic characters in Death Note, strangely enough. And yes, you were indeed right! And what he did to Matt? Well, except from locking him up, I don't even want to know…**

 **EmeraldHeart1203: Ding ding ding! It was because he was the original Kira. And I do think that name will appear more often now that Kira is *uhum* "back".**

 **AuroraStargazers: I KNOW RIGHT. I can't help it that I made L such a passive guy. Now she's gone again… *sighs*. And the keys weren't, but he** ** _did_** **know where she was, soooooooo. And I'm scared for Near, too! Please don't die little snowflake! Haha, love your review, as always, see/hear from you next time, hugsies!**

 **Luna Latanya: Oopsie! How funny, actually, I got that one many times when I was writing my previous story, but since you said this was the first one, I guess I got better! It is really difficult though, with the two words in English and only one in Dutch. We make a difference between learning and teaching, dang it! xD And yeah, it is difficult, isn't it? But I just think like this. Beyond is a genius. He fooled me in the BB Murder Case book thingy, so I decided he could fool Olivia, too. Even though I am, in fact, a lot stupider than she is. xD**

* * *

 **XxX**


	43. Ownership

**So, I'm still sick. Yes, I am surprised, too. But it's not as bad as it was before! The only thing I really can't do right now is talk, and hey! You don't need your voice while writing, so yayy!**

 **And actually, I couldn't write previous week and I'm sorry about that, it got a little bit bore hectic then I'd expected. My grandfather had to go to the hospital, my hair became blue and school killed my soul a little bit more. So yeah. I'm doing great, though. And I already thought a lot about how to write this chapter, so this is going to be easier, (hahahahaha, as if). Anyway, enjoy!**

 ****Oh look, I still do not own Death Note. What a shame. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **43\. Ownership**

'Near, come one! We don't want to miss the plane because of you,' Mello snarled.

'We won't,' Near answered, 'even if I continue moving that this pace, the chance we actually miss it is only…'

'La, la, la, la, la,' Mello shut him up. 'Fine, then. Play the idiot. I don't care. Matt!' Mello stopped walking when he noticed his friend was walking the wrong direction.

'I know the gate!' Matt shouted. 'I just need to go to the toilet real quick.'

Mello turned around again and started walking, not willing to wait for his friend. If Matt was going to miss the plane, it would be his own bloody fault.

Near wasn't moving, though. 'You should go with him,' he suggested to Mello than, which only made him angry.

'You actually _want_ me to miss the airplane, don't you?!' he shouted at the young, small boy. But his anger calmed down a bit when he saw how Near was biting his lip.

'No, not particularly,' Near answered after which he put his calm mask back on and continued walking. After he walked passed a stunned Mello, he turned around and looked at the blond boy with an amused smile. 'Careful, or you'll miss the plane.'

That flamed Mello's anger. 'You!' he started to run to catch up with the other orphans, leaving Near behind. Near looked at how Mello ran, looked back, at toilets Matt had gone into, shook his head slowly, and continuing walking to the gate. The odd feeling he had in his stomach was probably nothing more than a reaction to everything that was going on.

It couldn't possibly mean that Matt might be in danger.

* * *

XxX

'Wait, so you went inside the toilet and there was… a boy waiting for you there?'

'A man,' Matt corrected. 'A young one, but definitely a man. And he looked at me and said _I actually hoped it would be the other one. But you'll do._ '

'The other one?' Mello repeated, trying to figure out what that could've meant.

They all knew the stories of A and B, of course. Those were the kind of stories that should be told, to avoid the tragedies from occurring again. It was the one thing that kept Mello sane, a lot of the times. He just had to think that he was one mistake away from becoming a monster, a criminal, like Beyond Birthday himself. The type that would be tracked down by L, rather than actually _be_ L. That would be the ultimate defeat.

'Considering his age, his height and his appearance, the only two person's Beyond Birthday can impersonate would be Matt and you, Mello,' Near said, proving once more that his mind frame might indeed fit L's profile better.

Mello was actually surprised by this news. 'He wished he could've been me? Why is that?'

Near shrugged. 'I guess you're easier to impersonate.'

Mello could not _not_ take that personally. 'What are you trying to say, you muppet?!' he shouted.

'Sssh,' Matt said again, and he sounded so tired, so odd. 'See? Now you've woken them up. Don't you hear the screaming?'

There was a moment of absolute silence. No one said a word. No one in the cell, but also no one outside.

'Matt,' Mello said, slow and calm, the opposite of how he usually was. 'No one is screaming. It's… completely silent.'

* * *

XxX

'Do you have any idea where he's taking her?'

'Ryuzaki, he has made sure that there were no working cameras on the street, I can't do anything right now.'

The young detective put his face in his hands, couldn't believe that he'd somehow missed it. It was almost obvious. The master of disguise _did_ do as he said. He'd gone home, but not to the actual _house_. He'd taken someone's place. Wherever the successors were, that was were home was.

 _Not your fault_. It almost made him angry. How could it _not_ be his fault? He would explain to her just how wrong her words had been next time.

If there ever came a next time. Maybe there wouldn't ever be a next time.

 _His fault._

* * *

XxX

I don't know why I was so calm in the car. Beyond Birthday wasn't exactly a calming creature, nor was the thought that I almost certainly was going to die. But there was something, something about this situation just seemed funny to me.

When I chuckled silently, Beyond looked at me with a curious look in his eyes. 'What's the joke?' he asked, sounding so strange with Matt's voice chip still in, but his own way of speaking. It was quite disorientating.

'Nothing,' I said, making vague hand gestures, as if to wave the joke away.

He made an annoyed sound and I looked away, not sure _how_ dangerous this man was, exactly. I had absolutely no clue. He killed people, yes, but was it calculated, or did he have an anger-management problem? Was he aggressive, loud? I didn't know anything!

I stared out of the window, looking at the cars. I wonder if it made a difference if I screamed right now and tried to get someone's attention.

The genius read my mind. 'The moment you annoy me, I'll lock you up in the back trunk.'

I gave him a cynical smile. 'How lovely.'

A smile crept across his face.

I shivered. 'What is it?' I asked, but I had a feeling that I really did not want to know. But talking seemed better than the silence in which I could hear my heartbeat struggling, trying to beat as many times before being shut down forever.

Beyond turned his eyes to me and for the first time, I saw something in him that didn't frighten me. It was a wicked expression, but not scary, no. It was _enticing._ 'I like you,' he said with a grin, but he made it sound like he'd just insulted me. 'You're the best thing that could've ever happened to me.'

I shivered, but did not give in. 'And why is that?'

'You gave L another weakness. And you're pretty entertaining.' He turned the car then, driving out of town, into a place with a lot less cars. And people. Witnesses. 'Now that we're on the subject.' He took one hand up and pointing just above my head. 'Why is that like that?' he asked. 'I thought you would get hit by a bus the moment you walked out of the hotel. But you're still here.'

Hotel. So it _had_ been him. He had been a step ahead of us from the very beginning. Someone actually got the better of L. I didn't think that was possible. 'What do you mean?' I asked. 'Did you think I was going to kill myself?'

He laughed. I did not like his laugh. I also didn't like the way he didn't look at the road when he laughed. 'Amusing, you do not seem to know.'

I was frowning now. 'Know what?'

He pointed at my forehead again. 'It's stuck.'

'What is stuck?!' I shouted, frustrated.

Beyond just ignored me and started to hum, after with his hums became words. 'Tic, toc, tic, toc, tic, toc, tic, toc…'

He only stopped when the car stopped.

It was a small house, all the windows were painted over and there was a large, tall gate. I looked at it and sighed. I couldn't even dream of climbing over that thing, that was downright impossible.

I waited until Beyond got out and stared at him as he looked at me. 'Get out,' he said, but I decided that I did not want to. I was going to die anyway, couldn't I at least do it on my own terms?

Apparently not, because Beyond slammed his car door shut and walked over to my side, slowly, but definitely in a way that made me scared. He opened my window and said it again. 'Get out.' He sounded a lot more annoyed now.

When I just looked into his eyes blankly, he sighed frustrated and said: 'Fine then.' Then he pulled out a gun from somewhere, I don't even know where, and pointed it at me. 'Get out of the car, Allison.'

I shivered. I heard that one before. This whole scenario seemed familiar. _I'm going kidnapped all over again. And I don't know how I'm going to survive this time._

I slowly got out of the car, looking at the muddy ground, not at the young murderer right there, next to me.

'Good girl,' he said, clearly only saying it because he picked that up somewhere. A movie, perhaps.

'If you do as I say, I'll put the gun away,' he rhymed, sounding way too proud of himself.

I walked when he instructed me to walk and waited while he unlocked the door. But as soon as he put one foot inside the house, I turned and ran, towards the gate that he'd left open because the car had to go through it.

I didn't even make it far. Before I could even pass the car, he tackled me and I landed on the ground. 'Don't make me angry,' he spat. 'I need you alive for now.'

I looked at him, confused, but also angry. 'You need to me alive?' I repeated. 'Why? Just kill me now!'

'No!' he said, and the smile was back as he lifted me from the mud, holding my wrists as if he was my very special brand of handcuffs.

'Why?' I spat, just as frustrated as he'd sounded only seconds ago.

'Like I said,' Beyond Birthday said, sounding almost cat-like, 'you're L's weakness.'

* * *

XxX

There was strawberry jam _everywhere._

On the table, on the counter, on the floor. As we walked passed the kitchen, I couldn't even begin to phantom how much all that strawberry jam had cost. He walked me to the cellar and pushed me down the stairs, but not too roughly. I had been treated worse. Maybe that's why I was so calm, none of this was unfamiliar to me.

The basement wasn't dark, there was enough light and it wasn't some hell hole either. There was a bed, a couch and a table. But Beyond might not have realised that the moment I'd realised he wanted me alive to use me against L, my plan had drastically changed.

No, I might not be able to leave this place. But I wasn't going to stay either.

I wasn't going to sleep, but since I didn't hear Beyond locking the door, I knew I had to wait before I could come out. And the thing was, how? Take one of the jam jars, smash it and use the glass? No, no, that would make far too much noise. The gun was the safest option. Then I could also use it against him. With a weapon like glass, I couldn't.

But the problem was, I knew I could not shoot the man if it came down to it. I would simply not be able to.

Time went slowly when you had literally nothing to do. I hummed songs, stared at the wall and counted in my head, but I was quite sure less than an hour had passed when I couldn't take it anymore and tried to walk upstairs as quietly as possible. The door was the problem. Where in the room, where in the house, was Beyond? Would he hear it, see it? What would he do when that happened? He must've kept it open, knowing that I would escape, right?

I opened the door. Empty. I could see the kitchen from here, but I didn't hear anything coming from there. Nor from the only other room I could see. One with a dark couch and stone floor. And there, on a table, lay the gun.

A weapon.

A way to get out of here.

I tiptoed to the room, looking around. Where was he? Why didn't I hear him anywhere? Was he really this bad at kidnapping someone? Maybe I could just leave through the front door right now, though I knew that he'd locked it.

The moment I felt the gun, my hands started shaking. I was a police agent, of course I had held a gun before, but now it was different. Now I was holding it knowing that I probably would have to shoot it at a living, breathing, human being.

I wondered for a while what made the young man like this. So obsessed. He would be a great subject to study. If he hadn't been… what it is he was. If he was locked up, I could see myself visiting him, getting to know him. Maybe I could figure out what he meant when he'd told me that 'it's stuck'. I had no clue what to think of that. What was stuck? My forehead? I sure didn't think so.

 _My lifespan_ , was one of my most likely theories. Which meant that Beyond was the owner of at least one of the Death Notes and had traded for the Shinigami Eyes.

But… was that the case?

Hadn't I seen those tapes where he claimed to see letters and numbers, way before Kira was even a thing?

'Ten days is more than enough, you can just write new ones if those aren't enough,' I heard a familiar yet unfamiliar voice say.

Beyond Birthday was coming down the stairs.

With shaking hands I lifted the gun and pointed it and the stairs, only to see Beyond appearing. He saw me, with the gun in my hand, and completely ignored it as he went back to my phone call. 'No, don't drug them all!' he said to whoever he was talking to. 'I want those two to be completely aware as they kill one another. Oh no, that little one is just as deadly, believe me.' A joyful grin appeared on his face. 'Ooh, interesting. We'll see. I have to… deal with a situation now, bye.' He hung up his phone, but his hands in his pockets and looked at me. It took a while before he spoke, seeming not scared at all. Like he didn't care that I was pointing a freaking gun at him. 'Really, what did you think? That you could shoot me and just leave? No,' he said the last word almost seductively as he walked towards me. 'L won't be okay with that and even if he was –' a few more steps put him in front of me and he leaned forward so that the gun was actually touching him '—you don't have to balls.' And then, with one quick swoop, he took the gun from me.

I just stared, my hands were shaking and I saw all kind of flashbacks going through my mind. I should've just shot him while I had the chance! I should've just shot myself if I wasn't able to do as much.

'Well then,' Beyond then said, pointing the gun at me. 'I wanted to take some time for this, but you aren't making it any easier for me and I didn't even get the time to change, so I'll just do it now.'

'Do what now?' I asked, stepping back a little. I sounded more scared than I actually felt.

Beyond Birthday almost sounded bored when he said: 'Making you give up your ownership of the Death Note.'

'What?' was my instant reaction.

'Death Notes,' he explained, as if I was stupid. Maybe, in his eyes, I was. 'There are multiple ones, did you know? And one of them belongs to do. What, did you think I couldn't hack into Watari's computer? L, yes, that is a different story, that bastard protects himself so much that I'm surprised he hasn't completely altered his face yet. But Watari only uses L's standard protection. Thick and hard to get through, but not impossible.'

If I had been holding anything, this would've been the moment I dropped it. 'You want me to give up the Death Note,' I repeated.

'Indeed I do.'

'I will lose my memories of it.'

'And everything related to it, don't forget,' he told me, looking and sounding way too pleased with himself.

I didn't quite get everything though. 'Why, though? What will you gain?'

'Oooh,' Beyond said, smiling, 'you'll see.'

No, I wouldn't. Because now I knew what he wanted, and I was never going to give it to him. 'Why? You want me to know less? That won't help you in any way!'

'Don't you get it?!' He was shouting now. 'You'll lose so much of your memory and L will feel _sooooo_ guilty. And when I own all the Death Notes, it becomes a choice. Because if he wants to fix you, heal you, make up for what he did to you, he will _have_ to kill me. And he will never let himself allow such a thing!' Beyond laughed.

I froze. He was right, of course. Even if I simply touched the Death Note, I would only remember as long as I was holding it. I would lose my memories and there was no way of restoring them. So L wouldn't want to judge the case because it would make him bias and taking everything into account, Beyond Birthday would get a life sentence. Not a death one.

Which meant that I would lose everything.

'What made you think I would do as you say?' I asked the man in front of me, trying to sounds confident and cool and actually kind of excelling at it. Not much, but enough.

'Obey me or die,' he said like it was a joke.

'I choose the latter, then,' I answered. He wouldn't shoot me and even if he did, wouldn't that be a good thing?

'Oh, no, sweetheart, it's not going to be _you_ who dies,' he said, sounding amused. He pulled out his phone with his free hand. 'It's your little orphan friends who are going to die.'

Mello. Matt. Near.

Oh god, no.

'Yes, Casey? On the count of five, shoot the eldest one,' Beyond said into his phone, as if he was asking the person on the other side of the line to buy eggs of something.

'NO!' I shouted, my hands in action and my eyes watery. Serious, Allison? _Now?_ Could you be any more of a dramatic? Now was not the time for tears!

'One,' Beyond said.

'No, please,' I begged. 'Not that, please.'

'Say the words, then!' Beyond ordered me. ' _I forfeit ownership of the Death Note!_ Say it!'

I didn't say anything, I just stared at him.

He didn't like that answer. 'Two,' he said. 'Three,' he added. Then he said: 'Are you sure? I thought you rather liked the guy with the goggles. Matt. Yes. I quite fancy that name. Maybe I'll steal it one day. My name is kind of… how do you say it? Obvious. Four.'

'Please, please, stop,' I begged, not willing to let anyone, and especially not children, die for me. 'I get it, okay? I'll obey, just… don't—'

' _I forfeit ownership of the Death Note,_ ' Beyond said again. 'Say those words or they will all die.'

I bit my lip, still hesitating like the awful human being my was.

'Casey, I changed my mind,' Beyond then mused. 'On the count of three, shoot the little white boy.'

Near. No, not Near! Not any of them. 'Stop it! I'll say it okay, just stop!' I was crying now. Pathetic.

'Say it, then,' Beyond said, calmer now that he knew I was going to say it.

'I forfeit ownership of the Death Note!' I shouted at him. There was a moment where I looked at him, how he smiled like he'd won the lottery. Then I heard whispers in my head, becoming louder and louder and then my vision slowly became black.

* * *

XxX

A grey area, endless it seemed, was what greeted me.

And I looked at an odd creature, about twice as big as I was, but kind of hung over. It looked kind of like a person, but almost wolf like and also, bone-like. Even though I had never seen such a creature before, I instantly knew what it was. 'Shinigami.'

'Oh, I really do not have time for this,' the creature said. 'Human, listen to me. Your memory will be gone, and I mean completely gone, because everything your life is right now is somehow related to the Death Note, you won't remember _anything_ from the last few months. Years, even. Human time is so strange.'

'Who are you?' I asked, frowning. Confused by every single thing she said.

'I will help you. This much isn't bad for a good friend like Rem. Rem asked me to deliver his eyes to you, but since that is kind of not how Shinigami eyes work, the king got upset and all.' The Shinigami rambled on as I got more and more confused.

'Hold on a second. Eyes? King? I don't understand a word you're saying now,' I told the creature, stepping back. 'Where are we? Where am I? What is happening?'

The creature shrugged. 'We're _nowhere_ I guess. It's where users of the Death Note go when they're not _anywhere._ Death takes them here. But it's also the place the memories go to when you give up ownership of the Death Note.'

That sort of made sense. I looked around the dark, grey pool of nothing less. 'Is Light here?'

'The Kira boy?' the creature asked. It shrugged again. 'Yes, I guess. But even I can't grasp the endlessness of this world. Finding him can take centuries.'

Wandering around here for all eternity. That seemed horrible. And then, it happened. The darkness became darker, everything started to feel blurry. 'What is…'

'You are waking up, of course. But a part of yourself is left here. Every part of you connected to you after touching the Death Note. After such a long time, that is quite a lot. But don't worry, I'll help you.'

'Who are you?' I asked, because I'd already forgotten. I couldn't even remember what the creature had looked like.

'You can call me Ico, even though that's not my name. Ah, what am I saying? You won't remember this anyway.'

And then I fell, and it was like falling in an endless pool of water.

I did not get out of it again.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **HA! I bet you guys forgot that she was actually still an owner to one of the Death Notes. Mwoeahahahahaha. I feel evil, but also, I feel really good. Good evil.**

 **When writing scenes with Beyond and Allison, I kept listening to "Figure it Out" by "VersaEmerge". It's kind of odd I found a theme song for the two of them so quickly, but I still haven't found the perfect one for L and Allison. So, if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know!**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **(I'm not replying to all the review because I'm tired, but also because I don't always know how to respond to things… sowry sowry.)**

 **Luna Latanya: I don't think he is, I can't see him being interested in thing like that. And yes, I know stupider isn't a word xD, I was trying to emphasize the fact that I am, in fact, pretty stupid. And I write what I hear in my mind, which is usually "we're" and "didn't", but at random times it isn't, because I hear it in my head differently sometimes. Sorry if that annoys you. And I don't think I will die, don't worry ;)**

 **AuroraStargazers: Haha, that should've been the chapter's title 'all hell breaks loose' xD And it's hard, though, portraying a character we do not really get to know! And sorry that I didn't update, and I don't think I will every climb the Mount Everest, because I'm hella lazy (xD) and also, terrible at sports, so I would probably die. Bye bye, hugs and kisses! Xx - Sofia.**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: Sorry about the CLIFFHANGERs! I actually have a love/hate relationship with them. And thank you *bows* and of course I understand, people are busy, it happens. I** ** _did_** **actually notice that you were missing on my review-page-thingy, so I'm happy to know that you're still here ;D Stay awesome!**

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 **XxX**


	44. Don't Let Me Get Away

**So, I felt pretty guilty about how I decided to ended things last chapter, but yeah, it happens. And I caused some confusion I think, so I'll try to set that straight in this chapter. And I do change the canon here, because the memory thing just never made any sense to me. How can your memories of the Death Note be erased and still you keep so much? Everything Light did for months was in some way related to the Death Note, so that just didn't make any sort of sense to me, so I tried to find some way that would be a logical thing, but I don't know if I succeeded, but please, don't hate me. Enjoy!**

 **Also, dear, sweet Allison. I'm sincerely sorry for everything I put you through in this chapter. Don't hate me, things will get better one day. Sincerely, your creator.**

 **AND BOY! This chapter got DARK! I'm not even sure whether I should, like, change the rating or something, but I hope you guys will let me know if that's the case.**

 **ALSO, thanks to** **Mi-chan199 I found a song that I think fits L and Allison very well: it called Butterfly and it's a sung from Christina Perri (maybe you've heard of her xD)**

 **And I thought, because it's fun, I'll tell you a few other songs I listen to when writing. I listen to quite a lot of VersaEmerge, actually, I listened to Moments Between Sleep while writing this chapter, just, on repeat, I don't know, it works for some reason. But before, I listened to Mind Reader (yes, also from VersaEmerge). It kind of fits the way Allison thinks about songs I listen to while writing (some are really random, but they just work for some reason): Rinse (Vanessa Carlton), No Place Like Home (Trodick Hall), Hurricane (30 Seconds to Mars), Please Don't Make Me Love You (Dracula: The musical, I know, I'm weird, don't judge), Sippy Cup (Melanie Martinez) and I'll stop here for now, because my playlist is way too long to put it all here. Oh, and I listen to the beginning of Skeleton's On Parade by Ludo when I needed to write Ryuk and I can't get into character. It works so well xD. But let me know if you want me to share mu full playlist, then I make sure I find a way to do so! :D**

 ****Surprise! I still do not own Death Note. What a shame. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **44\. Don't Let Me Get Away**

'Mello, be quiet, let him sleep.'

'Didn't you hear him, Near?' Mello said, trying to keep it quiet. 'He's gone completely bonkers! Don't you get it?! That crazy bastard completely ruined him, forever! I swear to God I will kill that guy.'

'Yes, yes,' the young boy said dryly. 'But first, we need to escape. Stay calm. Think. I think for now, Beyond wants us alive, so he'll bring us food and water sometime. We need to stay awake for when that happens.'

Almost as if it was on command, the door opened and a woman came in. 'Food,' she said, so monotone. Near looked at her, observed her. Dead eyes, empty movements.

This person was being controlled by some sort of force, she had to be. Her movements were almost zombie-like and she was so, so thin. She looked like she could crumble any second. No, that wasn't right. She looked like she already crumbled days ago.

Mello ran to the door, but the woman shut it before he could even get close. 'Dammit!' he shouted and it woke the third boy in the room up.

'Ssh,' he whispered, smiling vaguely. 'They don't like shouting.'

'Well _they,_ can get the fuck out of my face!'

'MELLO!' Near shouted now. 'Stop it. We won't get anywhere if we behave like this!'

'And we will by being quiet?!' Mello shot back.

'Yes, maybe,' Near said, calm again. 'We are here, three geniuses in a room. We _need_ to be able to figure something out. It's three brains against one.'

'Yes,' Mello said, 'but one of those brains is hearing voices.'

Matt laughed as if that seemed funny to him.

Near sighed. 'Yes, I know. But crazy does not mean that he isn't smart.'

'Oh really?' Mello snarled.

'Yes, really,' Near replied. Then he gave Mello a tired, exhausted smile. He did not want the older boy to notice that he was at least a bit scared as well. 'Crazy and genius goes together quite brilliantly. Aren't we the best examples of that?'

* * *

XxX

I dreamed that night. I didn't see anything, but I heard voices, as if they were speaking, far, far away. And somewhere, I heard the sound of someone sighing, walking around. Those few sounds seemed worlds apart.

The conversations I heard were strange, did not make any sense. I felt like the whole Kira-case had maybe screwed with my head. Well, that was what life did best, anyway.

'Why did you call me here?'

'To yell at you. Look what you've caused! Once was bad enough, but now it has started again! Oh, oh, the King is pissed!'

'Since when are you the King's little slave?'

'I'm not! But I'm not even close to being the little troublemaker that you are!' A loud snarl. 'And why is she like this? I've heard about the Kira-boy and the annoying girl. They didn't lose nearly as much.'

A familiar yet completely new laugh. 'Of course, kid. She has known about the Death Note _for years_. That does change the game. But you're right, if it were Light, it wouldn't be nearly as bad.'

'Why then? Why so much? Have you ever seen this before?'

Another laugh. 'Such a kid. Look at this place. It's is empty, it sucks at everything fuller. Her life, her memories, it wants it all. Light had a strong and stubborn personality, so it couldn't take much more and Misa Amane got help from our good friend Rem. But this girl?' He laughed again. 'She is way too weak. And she almost seemed to recoil from her memories, giving them up. The darkness ate at her, took everything even vague related to her knowledge of the existence of the Death Note. I'm pretty sure she'll remember the begin of the investigation, though.'

'I wanted to help Rem, I did! But look at this mess! How am I supposed to fix it?!'

'Well, you can always drop your notebook,' the other suggested casually.

'And becoming like you, no way! There are already way too many Death Notes in the human world! And I'm not as old as you, that old King still terrifies me!'

'Well, then you have to kill the young Birthday-boy.'

'But I don't know if that'll kill me!' the other one shouted. 'Look at her lifespan, I have no idea what will influence it if it's stuck like that! I can't do anything! And I won't be like you, disobeying the King and making this mess even bigger. My hands are tied!'

'Well then, kid,' the other one said, 'you better figure out a way to free yourself, because this mess just got even bigger.'

* * *

XxX

I opened my eyes and immediately noticed I was somewhere else. Not the Task Force.

I immediately blushed, remembered what I had done. Had I really kissed Ryuzaki? What happened afterwards? I couldn't remember. Had I been in such a daze that I'd fallen asleep without remembering? But then where was I?

'Good morning,' a familiar voice mused and I looked up.

Ryuzaki was sitting on a chair next to the bed. The whole place seemed odd. The bed was small, which was a change, and the room was full of empty wooden cases. And Ryuzaki was looking at me. 'How are you feeling?' he asked.

I frowned. 'I'm… not sure. What happened?'

'What can you remember?' he asked, with a strange sort of pressure in his voice. 'You fainted.'

I did? 'I'm not sure,' I said again, then I blushed.

'What is it?' he asked. 'What do you remember?'

I frowned at him. 'You know what, Ryuzaki.'

Ryuzaki shook his head now. 'You know too much. Shame. I had hoped you wouldn't even remember my name.'

 _Shame?_ 'Ryu—' I stopped when he suddenly looked at me with a dangerous expression. It dawned on me. 'You're not Ryuzaki.'

He laughed and it definitely did not sound like Ryuzaki. 'Congratu-fucking-lations, it only took you over a minute!' He grabbed something from the floor. I stared at him and wanted to sit up, only now noticing that he had taped me to the bed. Who was this? Kira? No, no, no. Light was Kira this did not make any sense!

'HELP!' I shouted, but it only made the man laugh.

'Sit still, sweetheart,' he purred as I froze in fear. 'I'll make sure you forget all your worries.'

* * *

XxX

A drugged girl laid on the ground of an old house, her hands and feet tied. Her vision was blurry and she was pretty sure she was bleeding. Still, when someone asked her a question, she was able to spit out an answer.

'Who is L?' she kidnapper asked her.

'The greatest detective in the world!' she spat

'What does he look like?'

She had forgotten the reasons why she shouldn't tell anyone that. She'd forgotten almost all reason. 'Dark hair, dark eyes, white sweatshirt, jeans. No shoes. Sweet tooth. Goes by the name Ryuzaki. Is particularly paranoid and very unsociable.'

'No!'

* * *

XxX

A drugged and wounded girl laid on the ground somewhere, God knows where. Her blood had stained the ground and her hands and feet were tied. She couldn't even see the attacker's face, her eyes refused to focus.

'What is Kira?' the attacker asked.

'A murderer,' she answered, her voice hoarse and quiet, but still strong enough to be heard. Still clearly a girl who wasn't beaten. Yet. 'A criminal who kills other criminals.'

'Shit! Who is L?' the attacked said, hitting her in the face, but she was already hurting everywhere, so it seemed like nothing.

'The greatest detective in the world!' the girl answered.

'And what does he look like?'

The girl found it hard to picture the man somehow, but he was still there. In her heart. Like always. 'Dark hair, dark eyes, white sweatshirt, jeans. No shoes.'

'Again!'

* * *

XxX

A girl laid on the ground. Barely conscious. The shapes around her started to loose meaning. She was cold and everything hurt, but she understood every word her kidnapper said to her and she still refused to bow down.

'Who is Kira?' the kidnapper asked.

'A murderer,' she said, spitting some blood on the ground in order for her to talk better.

The kidnapper made a disapproving sound. 'Not looking good, Allison. Who is L?'

'The greatest detective in the world!' she shouted, it became harder to make herself heard, she noticed. Like her body refused to listen to her.

Something hit her ribcage, but she was already in too much pain to respond. 'And what does he look like?'

'Dark… hair… eyes, white…. shirt, jean… no… n-no shoes.'

'No, no, no, no, no! Stubborn, stupid girl!'

* * *

XxX

'Who is Kira?'

A girl laid on the ground, somewhere. It was dark, shape and colour had lost meaning. Everything she heard was distorted and it took her long to make her answer heard, as if her voice was somewhere else, hiding, and she didn't have the eyesight to find it.

'… I don't…. murderer.'

'Who is L?' the kidnapper asked.

She knew the answer to that question. 'The greatest detective in the world!'

'What does he look like?'

She had to know this, right? 'Dark… hair… eyes, white…. shirt, jean… no… n-no shoes.'

'No, no, no, no, no! Stubborn, stupid girl!'

* * *

XxX

'Who is Kira?'

What did he just say? The girl wasn't sure. Had someone spoken? Was something happening? Where was the light, where was everything? She was cold, so cold, but the pain burned her entire body at the same time. 'What…?'

'Who is Kira, Allison?'

She shouted, didn't know how else to reach that dark place where someone was torturing her. 'I don't know any Kira's!'

'Aaah. Much better. Who is L?'

She still somehow managed to find the answer to that question. 'The… greatest detective… in… in the world.'

'What does he look like?'

She wasn't sure. 'Dark… hair… dark eyes.'

'SHUT YOUR TRAP!'

* * *

XxX

Was there light? The girl wasn't sure. It was almost like she was drowning in a dark red liquid called 'pain'. But also, there, so close, was oblivion. Sweet, peaceful oblivion. If only she could remain in that state.

'Who is L, Allison?'

She knew she was smiling when she answered: 'The… the greatest… the greatest detective in the w-w-world.'

'What does he look like?'

She was quite sure she had no idea who asked her this, but she also didn't understand why. Why would she know? Was this why she was in pain? Because one person thought she actually knew? Why did this whole situation seem funny know? 'I don't… I don't… he doesn't… he never reveals his face.'

'And you've never seen him?'

'N-n-n-n-n-no.'

'Who is Kira, Allison?'

Why that name? The girl wasn't quite sure because of the liquid world she was drifting around in, but she felt every inch of her body protest when she cringed. 'I already told you that I d-d-d-don't know!'

'Does the name Watari ring a bell?'

'N-n-n-no. Y-y-y-you've got the wrong… person, sir.' The girl for some reason still had some manners. She herself wasn't even sure why.

'Light Yagami?'

Finally, something. Something she… knew. No, once knew. No, no. This she knew. 'I-I-I know him, yes. But only because I w-w-w-work with his father.'

'Who is L, Allison?'

'I… I have no idea.'

* * *

XxX

 _Three days later_

XxX

* * *

Watari came into the room with a worried look on his face. Ryuzaki immediately knew something was wrong. 'What is it, Watari?' he asked, only kind of sharply.

'I've found her, Ryuzaki,' the older man said, but by the way he'd said it, L knew there was more to it than that.

'In what state?' he asked, because that somehow seemed much more important as to where Watari found her. And with whom. He just needed to know for sure that his assistant wouldn't tell him that he'd found her 'dead'. He wasn't sure if he would be able to live with that if that were the case.

'She…' the man began, but he stopped. Couldn't even begin to describe what he'd found. The image would haunt him forever. 'I think it's better if I show you, sir.'

Right. So maybe it was 'dead', then. Or in such a bad shape that she might be as well dead. He didn't want to see that on a screen. He wanted to see her, her hair, her lips, her cheeks, her hands. He wanted to see _her_ , not pixels in her shape on a screen. 'Right,' the young detective said. 'Bring me to her, then.'

* * *

XxX

There were a lot a ghost roads in this area. Roads that led to nowhere, or to houses that no one lived in anymore. It was such a road where she was laying. She laid on the side, only her head and one of her arms actually laid on the road, but she looked like she'd been laying in the middle of the road for years. As if busses and cars had completely messed up the way she once looked.  
Ryuzaki got out of the car and ignored his right hand when he did so. He walked up to the girl he knew so well and for the first time, was completely and utterly shocked by the victim he found. Blood and gore never really hit him. Not until this moment.

She was bleeding from everywhere, but she large wounds were kind of taped in, like someone had wanted her to suffer, but not die. Her clothes where torn at almost all places and even though the colour of her skin told him she was cold, it was also clear that she didn't even have the energy left to shiver. One of her arms was twisted in an unnatural position and he was quite sure at least one of her legs were also broken. And a few toes, too. And one of her hands, her small and delicate hands. One looked purple, like a dead prop children would use for Halloween. The other one looked more like something you'd find in a butcher shop.

He couldn't look at it. It killed him to look at it. But he at the same time found it impossible to look away.

He crouched down and touched her cheek. Cold, but not too cold. She hadn't been here for too long, Watari had worked quickly. 'Call an ambulance,' L instructed to the man he knew was standing behind him.

'Already called them, Ryuzaki,' Watari let him know.

L sighed in relief, but still couldn't tear away his eyes from the girl's face. Some of those would definitely scar. She would be changed forever. _BB's mark will be left on her forever._

He had gotten to her, had touched her, had tortured her. But why release her? To show L what he'd done to one of his only beloved persons? Why not release pictures? Why free a chess piece when it was in your hand.

His hand moved to her most hurt hand and it felt like a dead thing in his hands. But also so familiar. He brought the hand as close to him as he dared and started whispering. 'I'm sorry, I am so, so sorry.'

But she didn't hear him. Just like always, his thoughts never reached her.

And now he might be too late.

* * *

XxX

He was still half holding her when the ambulance arrived. He'd put her body in the most comfortable way possible, and he'd let Watari write down everything he concluded. The wounds weren't that important, doctors would figure out what to do with it, but he could spare them the trouble of a scan if he told them she had a few broken ribs, a broken arm, with also its shoulder dislocated. She had five broken fingers, the bones in the other hand got almost completely smashed. She had a broken leg and that leg also had three broken toes. The other foot was broken and there was something wrong with that knee, something he couldn't quite determine.

Watari handed the sheet of paper to some employee, but as the people took Allison away from him, he couldn't help but panic. Still, he managed to remain calm as he said: 'I'm going with her.'

'Of course, sir,' someone said, but he was still looking at the girl they were carrying into the ambulance, not at the person speaking. 'Some one, then. We'll make sure she'll be fine.'

But L knew she would never be fine. Never be as fine, as perfect as she was before.

 _His fault._

He wanted to kill that man, that shadow of everything he was.

Sometimes his morals seemed to mock him. And they laughed at him all the way to the hospital.

* * *

XxX

They found more than injuries. If he had drugged even a slightly bit more, she would probably be dead. She was asleep now, the heavier injuries taken care of, already healing. Still, L couldn't unseen what he'd seen today. All those times he'd seen people cry over corpses, over victims. All those times that had seemed stupid, unnecessary to him. He realised he understood it a bit better now.

'Ryuzaki,' Watari began and it sounded like he wanted to say something profound yet unnecessary, so L stopped him.

'Watari, go back to the hotel and take over my job for a while. I will be here until miss Olivia gets discharged.'

'But that could take… weeks,' Watari said, as if he couldn't believe what the younger man was saying.

'Hmm, quite right,' Ryuzaki mused. 'So when you find the time, do bring me my laptop. But I won't leave.' He looked away from her for a moment to look at Watari. 'The last time I got her out of a sight, I found her at the side of the road half dead.'

Watari flinched, nodded, understood. He wasn't against it, anyway. He was just surprised to find Ryuzaki, _L,_ in this position. He never thought he would live the day to see this, to be quite honest. Watari left the detective there, not quite sure how to feel about the whole situation. And Ryuzaki seemed by her side, waiting for her to open her eyes, move her hands, do _something_. Snow White wasn't meant for her glass coffin, it were the moments she was actually living that counted. Breathing or not, this wasn't living. This in Ryuzaki's mind didn't mean that she was alive.

It was after over twenty hours in the hospital room that she opened her eyes and looked at him. He wasn't sure what to say, so he didn't say anything. She looked so tired, to worn out. But when she saw the white room, she sighed, almost relieved. And then she closed her eyes again.

When she opened them again, it was nearly nine hours later. She stared at Ryuzaki with a look he couldn't comprehend. She seemed more awake now, but not quite herself. She was silent, observed the room, the situation, his face. There was a long, long silence before she finally spoke, and when she did, it was in Japanese. Which alarmed him so much that he shook. 'Who… who are you?'

He felt something drop, as if his heart fell. He wasn't sure why, or where it came from, but it scared him. He wasn't sure what this meant, what BB had done to her. But it really seemed that she had someone completely and utterly forgotten his existence. For now, he decided to speak Japanese: 'You were kidnapped and attacked. Are you alright?'

'Kidnapped?' she asked. Then something similar to realization appeared on her face. 'Are you the police?' She quickly stopped herself. 'No, wait, don't answer, I think I'm wrong and I hate being wrong.' And then he noticed. The hair she could see from the corner of her eyes. She grabbed it and stared a horrified expression on her face. L deduced that she was probably suffering from memory loss and that she was shocked by the absence of blue in her hair.

And then she started screaming.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **I'm evil, I know, but I had to.**

 **Again, so, so, so, so, so sorry, Allison! I had to, you know it, but I will never stop feeling sorry for you. Poor little thing.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Yuuki no Yuki: Yeah… I completely get what you mean, but I hope I kind of explained better in this chapter (explaining how my brain thinks and works is actually the hardest part for me). And it also wouldn't really have the impact I needed, so yeah. Anyway. You're completely right, of course, but sorry for messing with the canon! (don't kill me, love ya!)**

 **bored411: I updated! Maybe not 'soon', but 'soonish'? xD And thank you *bows* and I'm sorry, of course ;)**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: Sorry, sorry, sorry. I really do feel sorry. I wish I could write fluffy unicorn stories, but I guess I'm far too messed up for that. Hope this chapter was a bit better (I don't think so, so again, sorry), but remember, everything will get better (I hope… Kidding! Of course, I'm not** ** _that_** **messed up…)**

 **AuroraStargazers: Sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry! And yeah, of course she saved them. Imagine what a bitch move it would've been if she didn't! Woah, I don't think I would be able to forgive her xD I'm better now, by the way, thanks. Throat still kind of sore, but much, much, much better. And no, of course not, updating is my pleasure *bows*. Stay awesome, I adore you! -Sofia**

 **Luna Latanya: Well, do you hate me now? Well, he tortured her, so it's not the same, but still. I do see him as a person that would torture her because he knows it would hurt L, I think that's where is interest lies, but not anything, euh… more messed up than that I guess? And yes, Ico is in fact a 'she'. I also feel kind of nervous when putting in a new OC, so good to know that you don't hate her. And yes, ahh, poor little Light. Wish I could bring his pre-Kira-self back so he and L can be best friends and the three of them can become an amazing crime solving team with lots of sass and fun. Aaah. But god dammit, he's dead :( And I am better! Yayyyy. (And I have a big, very big sloth-plushie that I hug, does that cound?). Anyway, thank you and love you as well! Kisses and hugs! – Sofia**

 **Choco M: Thank you so much! :D**

 **Mi-chan1991: Oeh, I listened to them, loved them! I especially love 'human' for Allison, I think it fits her vulnerable side very well. And OMG I LOVE BUTTERFLY SO MUCH. I actually added in my playlist I listen to while writing. I love it, the feel and stuff! Thank you so much for recommending those to me! Xxx-Sofia**

 **Emofreako14: *bows* Thank you! For me, it actually wasn't that hard, since I already feel sorry for Rem in most of the Death Note interpretations.**

* * *

 **XxX**


	45. Where is She?

**Hey there! I'm back! Did you miss me? I've been putting you guys (and Allison) through a lot, haven't I? So sorry about that. Just… hang in there, okay? We'll get through this together (insert High School Musical soundtrack here). Also, there might be little mistakes in this chapter because writing through Olivia's eyes from the beginning of the story can be really, really difficult! It's like 'oh no, I can't call him L now' and 'oh yeah, she doesn't know that yet. Oops.'. So if there are little mistakes like that, please forgive me!**

 ****Fan fact! (not really it's a disclaimer, but still) I do not own Death Note. What a shame. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **45\. Where is She?**

She screamed loud and started to move away from him, as far away as she could on a hospital bed with as much injuries as she had.

But Ryuzaki didn't freak out. After all, he'd seen her panic before.

Nurse came in and tried to calm her down, but they weren't helping. Ryuzaki suggested to one that they could always slap her in the face, but she declared him crazy and turned back to her patient.

It took a long time, and a lot of thinking, before Ryuzaki said: 'Allison!' Well, he didn't shout it, but he hadn't been subtle about it either. He'd said it loud and clear.

The screaming stopped.

He could see her face, her hair had become a mess because of her panic, she stared at him with a mix of fright and fascination. 'Y-you! How do you—'

But that was enough. The moment she'd calmed down, one of the nurses gave her some tranquilizer and her eyes fell shut slowly, stopping every question she had for him momentarily, giving him a bit more time to figure out which of her questions he was actually going to answer.

* * *

XxX

I wasn't me, I wasn't there. My hair was weird, I wasn't in Japan. Matsuda and the others were nowhere to be found and Sanami wasn't with me in the hospital. And it was an _English_ hospital, too. Like I'd been taken here.

When the man with the dark hair – he told me his name was Ryuzaki – told me that I suffered from memory-loss, I couldn't do anything else but believe him. I looked older, my hair had changed and I felt weird in this body, not myself.

After I had woken up and calmed down, the young man told me everything. After he saw me in Japan, he decided that I was a talented officer and hired me for a case in England. I've worked for him for the past couple of _years,_ but during the most recent case, I was kidnapped and held hostage for three days. He said that telling me more wasn't wise while I was still healing, but I had a feeling he was lying. I had a feeling that he did not want me to know what was going on.

And I didn't trust anything. If I indeed did disappear, where was the real police? I couldn't believe I trusted this man. No way. He looked suspicious, too. The sat weird and he kept putting his thumb in his mouth.

But there was something else. Something in the back of my mind, trying to get its way back to my front view. I wasn't sure what it was. 'Why do you do that?' I asked the man as he sat back down in his odd way after talking to a nurse in the corridor.

'Do what, exactly?' the man asked, patient even though I must've certainly asked him this before. I could see no reason why I _wouldn't._

Since I was pretty beaten up and didn't know how else to explain it (apparently future-me wasn't good with words), I pointed at his legs. 'That. The way you sit. There must be a reason behind it, because it's terribly unhealthy for your back.' Did I sound too much like a mother? Yeah, kind of. But it wasn't like I was in a position in which I should care about stuff like that.

'I have to sit like this. If I were to sit normally, my deductive capabilities would immediately be reduced by roughly 40%,' he answered automatically, as if it was an answer he'd said a lot.

I looked at him, confused. I tried to get what he was trying to say for a while, then guessed that it probably didn't matter. Still, I did not like not understanding things. '…Aha. Right. Well, you do you, I guess.'

I looked away from his face and there was silence again. When would that guy _leave_? Seriously, did he ever leave? What lie did he tell the hospital. Oh god, did they think we were related? But, who knows, maybe we were, I had no clue what shady things this man was hiding from me.

I only noticed he was staring at me when I looked back at him after a while. His face looked almost… pained. Which was odd, since he wasn't the one in the hospital bed right now.

With a sigh, I decided that I could try to trust this person… for now. 'Do you know why I decided to dye my hair?' I asked him, with my eyes closed. The pain killers were making me sleepy.

'From blue to the current colour?' Ryuzaki asked.

I nodded.

'Hmm,' he said and his voice sounded so odd that I had to look at him. He was looking at the ceiling and I saw him wondering about something. But for some reason, I felt like he wasn't wondering about what answer to give. It seemed like he was wondering whether he should tell me the answer or not. Finally, he spoke: 'I believe your exact words were " _I stood out with that hair and then I realised… that I didn't want to be noticed_ ". You did not seem to like this particular subject at the time, so I asked no further questions.'

Huh. I thought about that answer for a moment. I liked my blue hair. Yes, I stood out, people stared at me all the time, but they did that _without_ the blue hair, too. A not-Asian person in Tokyo, who was so young, but already finished High School and college and was already in the top police department of Japan? Yeah, people were always staring. _Not wanting to be noticed,_ seemed like a weird thing for me to say.

So I didn't believe him. 'How do I know that you're speaking the truth?'

Ryuzaki brought his hand back to his mouth again. 'Well, I suppose there's no way of knowing. I have no physical evidence, but don't you think the police would be after me, and looking for you, if I wasn't speaking the truth?'

Ha. He'd noticed I hadn't been talking about my hair. Smart cookie. I would have to remember that. But he still hired me, so he couldn't be any smarter than I was, right? Why else would he hire me?

I decided that I had kept this up long enough. With my eyes still closed, I asked: 'How did you know Allison?'

'Remarkable,' was his answer.

That made me open one eye to look at him, confused. ' _Remarkable?_ ' I repeated.

'You used to do that,' he explained, which only made me frown. 'When I first got to know you, you used to talk about Allison in third person, too. You said things like " _Allison is dead_ ". It's remarkable to see a brain go back like this again.'

It worried me that I had said the words 'Allison is dead' at some point to this man. No, it did not only worry me. It scared me. Who was this man, that I had told him things I hadn't even told Sanami or Chief Yagami?

'Now that you've asked the question you wanted the answer to most desperately, I would like to ask you a question,' the man – Ryuzaki – said. His voice was so weird, just as his movements, his expressions. Like he was a robot. Or a human who'd trained himself to act like one. Because it was… better like that. Safer. A person like that, that needed to hide himself, what kind of person could that be?

'What is it?' I asked, too curious about the question he wanted to ask to refuse.

'You screamed when you awoke,' he said, 'I would like to know why.' He asked it like he already knew the answer.

And I froze, because I didn't know. Something… something… I wasn't sure. It was like there was a hole in my brain, and every memory that seemed even remotely important had slipped away, at least the ones from the last few years. 'I–' I frowned, his question confused me. 'I'm not… I'm not sure…' I looked at the young man's face, his messy hair, the eyes, the mouth. So calm and collected. Such an amazing performer. 'But you are. You already know the answer, don't you?'

His lips curled up. That had to mean 'yes'.

'How?' I asked, pulling my nose up a bit.

His lips curled up again, differently now. Warm. Weird. I felt my heart skipping a beat, even the monitor next to the bed picked up on it. Even though Ryuzaki seemed to notice, too, he didn't seem to understand that that had something to do with him. But the smile disappeared when he saw that. 'Everything alright?' he asked.

I nodded, feeling sort of awkward because of his concern. I wasn't used to concern in any shape or form. 'I just…' I wasn't sure what "I just", so I stopped. Then I said: 'Why were you smiling?'

He was smart enough not to pretend he didn't understand the question. 'I was smiling because you pulled a face that I recognised. Your expression have been utterly odd since you woke up. No surprise, really. Expression change more than one can imagine.'

I wasn't even sure what sort of face he was talking about. 'What kind of face was I making?' I asked, suddenly embarrassed. I tried to keep telling myself to be on guard, but really, what was the point? I was in a hospital bed, really badly injured and he was in the room. Better make the best out of it.

His answer surprised me: 'Like you were questioning my sanity.'

I pulled my eyebrows up. One of the only movements that didn't hurt. Not that I cared much about being hurt. I was used to being hurt by now. 'And that made you smile?' I asked, because I couldn't believe it.

That actually made him laugh. 'You're doing it again.'

Then I realised that we had been talking about something much more important than this. 'Wait, back to the subject. Why do you think you know why I screamed?'

The smile faded then and he pressed his lips together. It took a longer time before he spoke this time: 'Because your kidnapper looks like me.'

Red flag. Right there. 'Pardon me?' I tried to ask as politely as possible.

'Your kidnapper. My fault, by the way, that that became his title now. My fault that he is what he is, really.'

He said it too… lightly, too casual. Everything was weird, I was missing too much. My head started to ache and there was something, just a small flame of something, I remembered. But I didn't. But I felt like my body did, because it was like it asked me to understand.

But I couldn't.

So when Ryuzaki opened his mouth again, I said: 'Don't.' And I looked out of the window, where typical European weather was raining down on everyone and everything outside. 'I don't want to hear it.'

* * *

XxX

 _A few weeks later_

Ryuzaki was really good at keeping his distance. Which was a plus. He brought me books and talked about nonsense and neither of us brought up anything important.

There were things about Ryuzaki that I learned. The first one was that he was absolutely bonkers, not only did he sit weirdly, but everything he did was odd. And he ate more sugar in a day than I consumed in a year, it seemed. He also never slept. Not once did it occur that I was awake and he wasn't. That would explain the bags under his eyes, but it was a deadly habbit to have for sure. Still, I tried not to mother him too much, since I did, in fact, not even know him.

The only moments it got awkward was whenever one of us brought something up, something about what happened, something that was going on outside of this room. He wouldn't let me watch television and since the doctors agreed, I didn't. But I felt like the doctors had a different motive than he.

That was also something about Ryuzaki I learned. No matter how suspicious it was, this man really did know me. So when the hospital discharged me, I didn't hesitate getting into his car.

He had a driver, which didn't surprise me, since he had apparently hired me as some sort of private officer, it didn't feel like much of a stretch. His driver was a kindlooking, older man who introduced himself as 'Watari'. And even though he was smiling as he introduced himself, I noticed the same sadness in his face that Ryuzaki sometimes had, too. Though Ryuzaki was much, much better at hiding it.

Watari drove us to an amazing-looking hotel and honestly, I didn't even dare to ask questions. It would probably be annoying too, that I had gotten so stupid all of the sudden. And since I really did try to trust Ryuzaki, I felt like not asking questions would be best. The doctors did say I would recover my memories once my brain was ready to process them.

But I wasn't sure I wanted to remember everything.

'That is the work room, you can sit there whenever you want, I'm rarely asleep,' Ryuzaki said as we entered the gigantic room. It looked like the Queen lived here, honestly, and I couldn't help but stare in amazement. 'There's a fridge in that room, if you want something to eat and that—' he pointed at the last door as he was ending his little tour through the hotel room (or should I say 'hotel apartment', since it certainly felt that way). '—that is your room. Feel free to spend there as much time as you'd like, but you are also welcome everywhere else. If there's anything wrong, you can just let us know.'

The way he looked at me still freaked me out sometimes, so I looked at the floor and nodded. 'Yes, Ryuzaki,' I said obediently.

'There are clothes in your room and toiletries in your bathroom,' Watari added and it seemed like they were telling me to enter my room and not come out for a while. I wasn't sure if they wanted me to do that because they thought I needed it or because they needed it.

But as soon as I walked into the room and closed the door, my legs refused to work and I slid down on the floor, just staring at it. I hadn't been alone once for what felt like years. Now, trapped in this room without the light on and two complete strangers outside, I started crying.

Not like sobbing, but silent tears that felt down on the carpet and I wasn't even sure why. Well, I had every reason to. I had lost my colleagues, Sanami, Chief Yagami and his family. And I didn't even remember saying goodbye to them, I couldn't even remember what they looked like the last time I saw them.

And my kidnapper, that man? Ryuzaki hadn't told me anything else since that first day, and I was happy about that, actually. I didn't want to think about those memories, was happy I couldn't remember them. I did not want to know what that man put me through to make me forget so much of my life.

It was ironic, almost, that I found myself in this situation. Was there someone out there, just going like: 'hey, that girl seems fun, let's ruin her life'? I felt like it was. No one on this earth could have this much bad luck just coincidentally, that couldn't be right. Or maybe, just maybe, I just picked the wrong friends. Or… boss, in this case, since Ryuzaki had said that it was his fault.

I only realised I had been in my frozen state for a long time when Ryuzaki came into the room, kneeling down next to me so he could look at me. 'Olivia?' he asked, looking at me while I was staring in front of me.

I wasn't even sure how I was still crying right now, would my eyes dry out? I wasn't sure. It felt like I hadn't cried in ages, but I knew that that couldn't be true.

'Olivia,' Ryuzaki repeated. I still wasn't sure how to react and when I tried, all that came out of my mouth was a high, panicky sound.

And then something hit me in the face.

My face shot up, finally looked at Ryuzaki. I stared at him and this time I _knew_ I was staring at him as if I questioned his sanity. 'Did you just hit m—' My words were abruptly stopped when Ryuzaki suddenly flung his arms around me and pulled me against his chest.

'Allison,' he said, not a question, maybe not even to me. It sounded like he was saying it so himself, to someone else in the room who needed the confirmation that that was indeed me. And he said it so beautifully, like it was a hidden secret, so precious that it should be spoken with care.

My eyes, so tired from crying, closed. 'Say it again,' I whispered, as if I was casting a magic spell.

'Allison,' he said it with a weird sort of desperation in his voice, while still keeping the weird casual tone he always had. Still, my spell must've worked, because he even said it again: 'Allison.'

* * *

XxX

I awoke peacefully for once, though it was quite confusing, not hearing nurses work or Ryuzaki immediately asking me how I was doing.

This whole thing had become a mess. Not only did I question every aspect of my life right now, now I was also questioning my… err… "relationship" with Ryuzaki. I remembered it so clearly, how he'd pulled me in his arms. That clearly hadn't been the first time. And what really surprised me was my heart, reacted as if I wanted nothing else but to embrace him.

I shivered. Everything about this just seemed off. Wrong.

I took a shower for at least forty minutes, which wasn't that hard even though I still wore casts at some places, and got dressed in the baggiest clothes I could find in the bags that had been put in my room. A black sweater and baggy black pants would have to do, even though I felt kind of colourless with all black and no blue hair to match it.

I walked into the main room of the "hotel room" and saw that the computers and equipment that I had kind of ignored yesterday for the sake of things that seemed more important at the time. Watari was sitting behind a large table with two laptops, silently working, and Ryuzaki was sitting behind one laptop, a big computer and multiple screens that shoed locations I did not recognise, but I guessed I was supposed to recognise them.

I looked over Ryuzaki's shoulder for a while. Saw the screens, observed them. Empty rooms and empty streets, but at least now I could tell that it was night, or really early in the morning. Then I looked at his laptop screen. I tried to see what he was doing, but what I saw was… nothing. Absolutely nothing. There were no pictures, just a white screen with words I didn't understand, like he was typing in some secret language. But the patterns were so familiar.

I recognised it immediately. 'You bought my software?' I asked, frowning. It was one of the first softwares I made. I called it the 'diary software', because you could type what you wanted, but it would result in different words. With the special code you used yourself, you could turn it back into the thing you actually typed, but to everyone peaking and reading the files, it would seem like gibberish. It was great because my aunt used to be one hell of a stalker. The university had bought it from me, but I didn't think they would ever sell it. Still, the fond, the patterns and the icons… it was all definitely my software.

'Yes, I did,' Ryuzaki answered, not looking at me, as if he'd known I was standing here all along. 'But I did some… modification. I wasn't going to risk others reading my file.' I knew that the fact that he was using it in here meant that 'others' also included me. But still. He was using my software.

 _My_ software.

I wasn't sure how to feel about that. 'But you… _bought_ my software?'

'I thought I just told you that I did,' Ryuzaki confirmed.

My eyebrows rose. I really did not know how to feel about this. 'Why did you buy it?'

'It's useful,' Ryuzaki replied, shrugging. Grabbing one of the snacks on the table in front of him and eating it, like I was used to by now.

'Did you… did you see my other works from university?' I asked, nervous about this question. Someone going through my old project seemed… embarrassing, for some reason.

Ryuzaki nodded, grabbed another snack. 'I did.'

I immediately knew he had read the big project I had done. My research on the detective L. I knew he knew that was what I was thinking about when I asked: 'What did you think about it?'

'Does my opinion matter?' Ryuzaki asked, a weird tone in his voice. Like there was something behind this conversation, a hidden meaning I did not understand.

'Well, maybe not to the me right now, but I bet the me with all my memories would like to know. In fact, she may already know. Isn't that unfair?' Not really, but some reason I didn't care being wrong in this scenario. For some reason, I didn't feel mad losing to this man. And I again wasn't sure how to feel about that.

Silence. Ryuzaki wasn't going to answer. Fine then.

I turned around and headed towards the room Ryuzaki had marked as some sort of kitchen, but before I got too far, I heard words, words so familiar yet strange that I froze in my place and my eyes widened.

'It was quite good.'

I looked turned around and looked at him, confused. When he didn't look back at me, I had to tell myself that maybe he was talking to himself. He was quite an odd man, it wouldn't be surprising. But I didn't believe that. I believed, hoped, that we was talking about my research. Which would be a bit strange. How could it have been good? I hadn't even come close to L's identity, hadn't even tried to find out his identity. The things I'd figured out was that he most likely had lived in England for a period of time, but that he wasn't necessarily English.

Ryuzaki finally turned his head and looked at me and his face changed when he saw the way I looked at him.

Rich, odd man. Was currently in England, but spoke Japanese fluently, and looked at least partially Asian. Worked with cameras and technology keen on keeping his secrets secret. Had a butler-like assistant who also worked at a computer.

He had never given me a last name and was vague about so many things, like every secret was connected to thousands more. He had read my research on the famous detective and dared to judge it, even though Ryuzaki was a man that seemed like someone who wouldn't judge a situation before he had enough information.

And right now he was looking at me in an understanding way, as if he knew what I was thinking. 'You know,' he said with a sigh and those words made Watari look up at his laptop, I was from the corner of my eye.

I opened my mouth and at first the words wouldn't come out. But when they came, I knew I could never take them back. But I also knew that that couldn't be that bad, because I knew I must've know before.

'You are L.'

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Yayy, at least she knows he's L know, I felt like Ryuzaki wouldn't tell her right off the bad, but I didn't like her not knowing, so there you go.**

 **Allison did, in fact, never ask why Ryuzaki sat like that, but that's because she knew he was L. She treats him with a lot less respect and trust now that she doesn't know, which I think is pretty interesting.**

 **Yuuki no Yuki: yeah, I would feel really bad if I would just change the canon without acknowledging it! And I tried to google to find if it was in fact possible to make someone completely forget some things (which was one of the more disturbing moment of my day…), so yeah, I like to believe this scenario is at least somewhat believable. And yes, partly why I made sure she forgot some memories because of torture is because those are relatively easier to obtain and that way, she can get her memory back more evenly instead of BOOM, here's everything you need to know. And yes, poor L. I wanted to hug him so BADLY. And yes. The kids. Oh, the poor, poor kids. It's hard when you plan your story ahead and know how everything will flow, because I this want them here with L right now dammit. ;)**

 **AuroraStargazers: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! *begs for forgiveness and tries to wipe away the tears* And yes, what** ** _will_** **the children at the orphanage think? Hmm… ;) And yayy, like, not yayy, torture, but yayy that it's legit, because Google isn't always the best source for that sort of thing (such a disturbing Google-session it was…)**

 **KayTheSimAddict: Yeah, I get where you're from with Near… Hm… I need to keep it in check, don't want anyone to become too OOC. And sorry, sorry, sorry. Please forgive me? ;D**

 **Luna Latanya: Haha, sorry. I wouldn't mind either, I'll hold him, you punch. And yeah, I am a sucker for symbolism, too. Thank you for reviewing, as always! Hugs!**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: SORRY SO SO SORRY! (No, seriously, I do feel sorry.) And thanks! I wasn't sure if I spent enough time in the whole Beyond and Olivia thing or I thought maybe there was too much, but good to know that you didn't think that was the case. *breathes out relieved* And haha, yeah, that is the upside to being busy, I guess. And I get it, no worries. I won't be mad, I know what being busy feels like, so don't feel too bad. And I wanted them to just go after Beyond in this chapter, because I want him caught so badly, but I didn't want to rush her recovery and the impact this has on Allison and L, so I couldn't. Well, maybe next time. I wish you good luck with your busy schedule and a very good week(end) to you!**

* * *

 **XxX**


	46. Clouds

**Hey hey! Here I am again with a chapter! Boy, we've been through a lot, haven't we? But I feel like we're back now, or something, like we took a break from the whole Death Note-case and now it's back.**

 **BTW, it's entirely possible that I do not update next week, because I will be on vacation. I might still find the time and the WiFi, but it's completely possible that this is not the case, so don't be surprised when there's no update next week. Sorry!**

 ****Fan fact! (not really it's a disclaimer, but still) I do not own Death Note. What a shame. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **46\. Clouds**

'You are L.'

At first, Ryuzaki gave no real answer. He just looked at me, like I was some sort of mystery he was trying to solve. Who knew, maybe, in his eyes, I was a mystery. But then, he said: 'You were always cleverer than the others.'

That had to be a 'yes'.

Now I felt embarrassed to even consider me and this man had any kind of relationship. However, instead of acknowledging anything like that, or asking a useful question, I said: 'And you… hired me?'

Ryuzaki nodded.

I took some more steps back, almost as if I wanted to flee the room. I wasn't entirely sure that was not the case. 'Why?'

He pulled a face that I couldn't possibly read, but it was somewhat adorable. Still, I cursed myself in my head for thinking that. L being adorable just sounded… wrong. Off. He was the greatest detective on earth, what do I mean, adorable? Still, I really felt that way when he pulled a face like that.

Finally, he spoke, but it wasn't really an answer. 'There a case you don't know about. Filling you in on the details isn't in our best interest right now, but let's just say that your whole Japanese Task Force worked on it. Well, at last the ones who felt obliged to stay in the team when it was revealed the police would be working with me.'

So much words, so little context. It took a while before the words sank in. Then I said: 'The _whole_ Japanese Task Force? Matsuda, too?' The idea of Matsuda working with L just seemed, funny to me.

It apparently also seemed funny to L, because he chuckled. 'Yes, indeed. Though I must admit I do understand your surprise.' No more words. Just more vague answers that weren't answers at all. This man was an expert at dodging subjects. Which shouldn't surprise me and it didn't really.

When we both said nothing, he went back to his work and I found myself studying his features, wondering if there was a way to tell that this man really was L, something physical that made him so distinctly L. Well, his back and the odd way of sitting were kind of a giveaway, but that wasn't what I was talking about.

When I had done research on him, I'd figured out was that he most likely had lived in England for a period of time, but that he wasn't necessarily English. Now that I'd seen him, it became even more difficult. I clearly saw European features in his face, but not clearly a certain country. I would say at least partially French, but that was just a guess. But there was also something… something about his face. Something that reminded me of mine. Maybe he was partially Japanese, too? At least, he was partially Asian. That wasn't even up for debate, that much was certain. But not too much, because there were a few traits that were lost. So, not half. A quarter, maybe? Just like me?

 _Why would you compare L with yourself? Idiot._ I could smack myself. How did I do this the first time? Handle being in the same room as the man I admired so much. I couldn't picture me handling the situation well, but still, this man did not seem annoyed at me. He seemed legit worried and he also seemed to think I was cleverer than I actually was.

I wanted to stay there, in the room, watching both L and Watari work. But I knew I was making them nervous, because they were intentionally keeping something from me. Something important. But I didn't know what and I wasn't entirely sure I was right, so I didn't speak. Because I did not like being wrong. And if Ryuzaki thought I was clever now, I should probably try to keep ik that way.

I went back inside my room and lay back in bed, even though I wasn't tired at all. I tried to remember, I did, but it just ended up in headache. Still, how could I forget meeting L? It almost seemed inexcusable. And a case, so important that _L_ got involved, how could I forget that? How could I forget so much? Ugh, I could slap myself.

I wasn't sure if I ended up falling asleep, even though I wasn't tired, or if I was trying so hard that I split my brain open, but suddenly I found myself in an unfamiliar room. It seemed like a hotel room, just as fancy as the current one. And Ryuzaki was standing there, only a few steps away from me.

 _'_ _You're still alive,'_ he said, sounding only a little bit surprised.

Why would he think I was dead? I felt a confusion, but I wasn't sure if that was current me or the me from the past. _'What's that supposed to mean? I haven't told anyone my real name, right?'_ I found myself asking.

Ryuzaki put his hands in his pockets. _'Before you arrived, a few police officers were killed when they were trying to get into the building through the other entrance. They died of a heart attack less than a minute after being shown on television.'_

I froze. _'What does that…'_

 _'_ _This Kira can probably kill with only a face,'_ L explained.

 _The confusion stayed, even seemed to grow. 'It's been over a minute now,'_ I said slowly. _'And I'm not dead,'_

 _'_ _No, you are in fact not. I can confirm that.'_ Then L looked at me with an odd expression. One I hadn't seen before. He looked… suspicious. As if I was the criminal he had been hunting. _'But you showed your face, trying to stop the broadcasting, even badmouthing Kira II in a way. So, tell me, Olivia, how come you're still alive?'_

I looked over at the television screens. I knew the past me could make something out of it, but the chaos on the videos just seemed confusing to me, still, there came this revelation over me, the revelation that if the rules were the way we had thought they were, I should be dead by now.

So… why was I still alive then?

* * *

XxX

When I opened my eyes, it was because something had hit my face. When I focused on the man hanging over me, I realized what that was.

I shot up, which caused L to shot to the other side of the bed. 'You hit me again!' I concluded easily. 'Why this time?!'

Ryuzaki shrugged, not apologetic at all. 'You weren't waking up.'

I felt a weird anger that I didn't dare it let in. I wish I could. Still, as I looked at him with murderous feeling, I felt something rip my head open and I flinched as an unfamiliar scenario flashed before my eyes.

 _'_ _I'M GOING TO FREAKING MURDER YOU!'_

 _Ryuzaki actually looked surprised when I ran up to him and grabbed his shirt. 'Do you think it's funny to play with me?! To keep me in the dark?! DID YOU TELL MATSUDA TO KEEP THE IMPORTANT DETAILS A SECRET?!'_

The Ryuzaki in the here and now tilted his head to the side. 'Olivia?' he asked. Was that suspicion or worry in his eyes?

 _'_ _I see that you noticed some things.'_

 _'_ _SOME THINGS?! SOME THINGS! LIGHT PROBABLY SAW ME! MATSUDA COULD HAVE SEEN ME! AND ALL YOUR LUDICROUS SECRECY WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR NOTHING!' I made a fist and wanted to hit him, but Watari grabbed my wrist._

'Olivia?' he repeated, more pressing now.

 _'_ _JUST LET ME HIT HIM ONCE!' I shouted at the elder man._

L was grabbing me by the shoulders now. 'Olivia!'

I stared at the man's face, my eyes wide and my hands shaking. 'Did I ever hurt you?' I asked, way more upset than I'd meant to say it.

I saw surprise there, but I wasn't sure. L's expressions were hard to read sometimes. 'Sorry, what?'

'Did I ever hit you?' I asked, sounding panicked, stressed and angry. Angry at myself, that is.

'Olivia,' he tried to say again, still kind of confused, but I wouldn't let him, because I was saying: 'Why would I do that?!'

Then he sighed and suddenly I realized that this little outburst must be so annoying. My head hurt, like something had broken and something painful and dark was dripping out. But it was so dark that I couldn't even see what it was.

 _I find having a conversation can be quite difficult with an emotional person_.

No, no, no. Not me. Where was this? Where was I? I missed the context, had no context, no information. Just empty words with empty imagery.

I tried to struggle against L's hold, but I was a weakling and he was strong enough to hold me in place. 'Stop it!' I shouted out of frustration. 'Stop it Ryuzaki!'

'No, I won't,' he said calmly, but there was a hint of panic in his voice. When I kept struggling, he started to shake me like he wanted all the dark liquid that was spilling out of my head to splash all across my brain. 'This is not like you. Listen to me, this is not like you!'

We both stopped struggling at the same time and just stared at each other. There was something there, I wasn't sure what. For a moment, I _felt_ like the real Olivia, the one with the memories. It felt like she was having a conversation with L, without any words. A conversation that I could hear nor understand. It was like I wasn't Olivia, but a third person. _This is not like you._ He was right. This wasn't me. This didn't feel like me. This didn't feel like my body.

Because this body was reacting so nervously, like this man being close to it was enough to turn it into a pile of mush. My knees were weak, my heart was pounding and I knew my cheeks were red. But I, again, had no context. I felt things, but I did not know what was behind things. I heard things, saw things, but they didn't seem real.

When Ryuzaki had calmed down and noticed I had calmed down, too, he started speaking softly, still holding my shoulders, but a lot less urgent. 'You lost your memories because BB tortured you with pain and drugs. Now that you're out of the hospital and you aren't on as much medication anymore, some memories might return. I wasn't expecting it so happen so soon, but it is only logical. Stay calm, try not to panic. I am in the next room when you need me.'

And then he got off the bed and left. He just left me there.

I stared in front of me with feelings I did not understand in a body that didn't feel like mine. I couldn't believe he just… left me. Like this.

But then, suddenly, he was back, with a glass of water and something else in the other hand.

I already knew before he sat back down on the bed that it was medicine in his hand. Which kind, I didn't even want to know, I just took the water when he offered and I let him but the pill in my free hand as I was drinking some of the water.

When I was drinking more water after taking the medicine, I noticed Ryuzaki was looking at me oddly, with a smile on his face. I really didn't get why he would be smiling in this situation, so I asked: 'What is it?' It didn't seem polite to just ask 'what?'.

He shook his head slowly for a short time and looked at the blanket instead of my face. 'I forgot how odd it was. Your unlimited trust in me.'

My eyes became wide. 'Why wouldn't I trust you?'

He looked up. 'I haven't given you any reason to trust me at all.'

I felt a small smile coming up, but I was quite sure it wasn't mine. Now _I_ was the one shaking my head. 'That's were you're wrong.'

I regretted it the moment I'd said it. Was I allowed to do that? Say that L was wrong about something? It didn't seem right.

'Why then?' he asked, sounding legitimately curious. 'Not only now, but the first time, too. Your trust seemed to endless and effortless I cannot understand where it comes from.'

I wasn't sure how to explain this. 'I'm quite good at spotting a bad person,' I explained slowly, because I thought this was a fact. I hoped I hadn't proven myself wrong somewhere in my lost memories. 'If you were untrustworthy, you didn't have any reason to be nice to me now. You have me in the palm of your hand, in a hotel room. You could do everything you want to me. The fact that you don't makes me want to trust you.'

He thought about this for a moment. 'Is that so,' he mused slowly.

I nodded. 'Uhuh.' My words sounded off and I noticed my eyes fluttering. Suddenly, I understood what he'd given me. 'You are putting me to sleep, aren't you?' I asked, sounding almost accusingly.

'I'm sorry,' he said and he did sound sorry for once. 'But I do honestly believe you need the rest.' He pushed me down on the pillow softly.

'You never sleep,' I protested.

He laughed softly and grabbed one strand of my hair, playing with it like it was his to play with. 'That is inaccurate.'

I rolled my eyes, or at least, I thought I did. Whatever he'd given me, it was working pretty darn fast. 'Okay then. You _barely_ sleep. Better?' I asked.

'Much,' he answered.

Then I found myself frowning. This seemed way too much like flirting to me. Before I could be too bothered, though, my bedroom door opened. I couldn't see who was in the door opening, but I knew it must've been Watari.

When he spoke, I was sure. 'Ryuzaki, a matter has arisen that needs your intention.'

'Oh?' Ryuzaki asked and through fluttering eyelids, I could see he was still looking at me, not Watari.

I let my eyes fall shut.

'It's about Wammy's House, sir,' Watari went on.

I frowned, did not know that word.

Ryuzaki's weight had suddenly disappeared from the bed. 'What happened?' he asked, but I wasn't able to hear the answer. I was already somewhere else, having another conversation entirely.

* * *

XxX

 _'_ _How was it?' Ryuzaki asked, nibbling on his chocolate bar without looking at me._

 _'_ _Not as bad as I'd thought,' I admitted sighing. I wanted to rest my head on his shoulder, but for some reason, I didn't. I was scared he would be mad at me._

 _'_ _I'll admit that you had a point when stating that this investigation method might be more rewarding,' he told me, which blew me away. He actually admitted that I had been right! Wow! Then he said: 'But I also know that – this way – she won't tell us that Light is the real Kira.'_

 _I sighed. 'She loves him. She probably never will betray him. Can't we find another way to prove that Light is guilty? I feel so bad for her…'_

 _'_ _Never feel bad for the enemy, Olivia,' Ryuzaki said, surprisingly dryly. 'That can easily be your downfall.'_

 _I sighed. Of course he would say that. 'I know, I know, I just… I can believe the way Light's been using her! And I bet he's planning to use her in the future, too! I bet he's already scheming something…'_

 _'_ _Yes,' Ryuzaki agreed. 'That's why one of my top agents has been trailing him the past few days.'_

 _I frowned. 'Isn't that dangerous?'_

 _Ryuzaki slowly shook his head. 'Kira won't suspect it, probably. And even if he did, I told this man to never give out his name and even if he dies, that just proves our point.' He smiled a small smile, but it didn't look like his normal smile, it looked really sad. 'He cannot risk it.'_

 _I only noticed that I had been staring at his face when he looked back at me. 'I missed you,' I told him in all honesty, which made him look away again. Then I decided to get back on topic. 'I always thought Light was odd, but using a girl's feelings like that?! Did you see the video? He even kissed her!' This was the only topic I could come up with, but it was a horrible one._

 _That was why I was surprised that Ryuzaki actually reacted. 'Things like that are meaningless to him. Means to an end. Something like a kiss becomes nothing for a man like him.' He sounded strangely profound and I wondered if he thought about this._

 _I had. Of course I had. I was an adult who'd never kissed anyone. I had been kissed. Forcefully and not on my mouth. I had always been more of a daughter than a woman for him. Well, I had been around ten years old when he found me, so it wasn't that odd. There had been guys in high school and college. Weird guys who didn't care how old I was. I'd just hated the idea of any of them coming remotely close to me. Because when I looked at them, all I could see was him. His eyes, his mouth, his hands. For some reason, I never had that with Ryuzaki. Or maybe I had, but I'd just forgotten it._

 _'_ _Maybe I want to try,' I said softly, staring at Ryuzaki, whose face was still turned away from me._

 _Ryuzaki slowly put down his chocolate bar and looked at me, confused. 'Pardon? What do you want to try?'_

 _I couldn't answer with words, because I was already putting it into actions. Nothing, I answered, but not out loud. I kiss became nothing. Maybe a kiss was nothing. I would never know if I didn't try. And for some reason, now seemed the right moment. I leaned closer just a bit, our faces had already been close, and kissed him._

 _And for a while, 'nothing' became 'everything'._

* * *

XxX

There were two things I was certain of when I awoke from a dream that I knew was a memory.

One. The case Ryuzaki refused to tell me about, had something to do with the Chief's son, Light Yagami. He might even be the culprit behind the whole case.

Two. Somewhere, sometime in my lost memories, I had fallen head over heels in love with Ryuzaki.

But the worst part was, that I had no idea which of those two was worse.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **This chapter is shorter, I know. But it's also mostly filler and I noticed that this part felt kind of uninspired, because of all the memories that you guys are already familiar with, so maybe it's a good thing to end it here. By the way, finding the right memories was surprisingly hard. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep it up. Just kill Beyond and steal one of the Death Notes, Allison. Jesus. (Just kidding. Or am I? Probably. Or maybe…? Okay, I'll stop.)**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **BabySealLover: I think that because Allison has lost her memories now, L has to be the one of the two who shows his affection, which is new and, in my opinion, a nice change. He has to open himself up more now that she just so closed. And god, yes, BB's scary. But thank you for enjoying the chapter and hoped you liked the update ;)**

 **AuroraStargazers: Hahahahahaha, your reviews are always such a bubble of happiness for me (if that makes any sense, I think that was terrible English, but moving on). Yeah, I'm pretty evil for letting Allison go through all this, but I'm sure Watari has tissues ;) And feel free to hug me, but perhaps skip the killing part xD And you're welcome, updating is my pleasure. Hugsies and all that stuff!**

 **KayTheKimAddict: Yeah, that's true!** ** _Almost look on the bright side of life!_** **(oh, how cheesy am I?) Well, anyway, you're right! ;D**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: I KNOW RIGHT. I can't believe I actually did it. I had this idea from the moment she got ownership of a Death Note, but still. Can't believe I actually did this to poor little Allison. And thanks! It's hard to be realistic in these odd situations, but good to know I (kinda) pull it off. Sorry for the cliff-hangers, love, they're just so much fun to end on ;) Anyway, thank you so much and have a nice week!**

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 **XxX**


	47. Took My Everything

**I'm back! Boy, am I tired. And I actually got sick after vacation, too! Universe! Can't I just be not sick for a while? Holy guacamole.**

 **Anyway, here's an update. On Friday, because Saturday and Sunday are completely full. Sometimes I feel like I just can't catch a break xD.**

 ****Fan fact! (not really it's a disclaimer, but still) I do not own Death Note. What a shame. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **47\. Took My Everything**

In a place where most noises were pretty consistent, the loud ringing of a cell phone made no one's day any better. Especially not for the young woman who the phone belonged to. She waited a few seconds before reaching for it and answered, ignoring the fact that a bunch of people could hear her. Those people were only going to die, anyway. 'What?' she asked as soon as she answered, sounding irritated already even though he hadn't even spoken yet.

' _Did the children escape?_ '

The young woman rolled her eyes as she stood, walking through her room seemed to calm her down a bit as she was talking to this psycho. 'Good morning to you, too, buddy,' she said overly cheery.

' _Don't play games with me_ ,' the man at the other side snarled. ' _Did they escape_?'

She shrugged, even though she knew he could not see that. 'Yes and no. They tried several times. Pretty smart children. They never come past me though. I think they're just too young to beat me. And the blond one isn't as cooperative as he should be in order for their plans to work. So I don't think you'll have to worry.'

' _Are you still writing down names?_ '

'Suresies,' she replied.

' _Good. Keep them locked up, but give them enough food. Don't let the eldest one kill the others, too. I think I might have broken him too badly._ '

Of course he had. She rolled with her eyes again. 'Well, that is not my goddamn fault, is it?'

' _Anthea_ ,' the man said with a dangerous voice and the woman immediately shivered, frozen in her spot. She could play tough all she wanted, but this man still managed to scare her.

'Yes, I know, I'll keep an eye out. Anything else?' she asked, trying to keep her voice from shaking.

' _Yes, there is, in fact, something else,_ ' he sounded like he took way too much pleasure out of this. But that was the way he always kind of sounded.

She sighed, but held the phone away from her mouth as she did so. Then she put it back to ask: 'What is it?'

' _I want you to write the following names with the following instructions…_ '

* * *

XxX

He had taken the children. That was the one thing that crossed the line, the one thing Ryuzaki had wanted to avoid at all cost. That he lost Clarissa was bad enough. He could not lose the children, too. Not like this.

'How?'

Watari closed his eyes for a second, looking just as – if not more – worried as Ryuzaki. 'The last report we got from Roger was that the house was surrounded by people with dead eyes.'

 _People controlled by the Death Note_ , Ryuzaki instantly knew. 'And since then we lost contact with the house?'

Watari nodded. 'Completely.'

Ryuzaki wasn't the type who frowned often, he preferred sulking. But now he was frowning and trying to find a way to save it all, all the while knowing that he had no means to.

Then the screens suddenly all changed colour and a crimson red filled the screens.

The female computer voice started to call out the message while the familiar alarms of Ryuzaki's computers rang. ' _Hacker detected. Hacker detected._ '

It only took a minute before Allison came walking in because of all the noise. 'What the _hell_ is going on in here?!' she shouted.

'Shall I block him, Ryuzaki?' Watari asked, ignoring the girl.

'No,' was Ryuzaki's answer, as he opened his program files to look at what BB was doing exactly. 'We don't know what he wants. This could help us locate him,' Ryuzaki went on as he looked at his screens.

 _'_ _Microphone hacked,'_ the female voice said.

'Yes, yes,' Ryuzaki said, only slightly annoyed at his computer's voice. He felt Allison's presence, right behind him, as she also read through the codes and files, seeing exactly what BB was doing.

'What the hell?' she said, but it was nothing more than a whisper.

' _Webcam hacked,_ ' the female voice said. Shortly followed by: ' _Software hacked. Speaker hacked. Danger level: maximum. Asking permission to shut down._ '

'No!' Ryuzaki shouted at the screens and he felt Allison shocking up behind him because of his sudden outburst.

' _Video software hacked,_ ' she then said as an odd program showed up.

And there he was. BB. Beyond Birthday. He liked to think of himself as L's shadow, but in L's eyes, he was no such thing. 'Good evening,' he said.

 _Evening. Already ruled out some continent._ 'Good day,' Ryuzaki said.

He was awfully aware of how Allison had stopped breathing behind him and he could hear her footsteps as she moved away from the screen.

'You don't look so happy,' BB said, pursing his lips as if he was wondering why. 'Oh, is it because I'm holding your orphans hostage?' he wondered.

L gave no reply.

'That's no fair!' BB answered, clearly only saying stuff for the sake of it. 'You hid them from me. I had ever right to do it.'

Not really, but L knew how stubborn this man could be, so he didn't open his mouth.

'Oooooh, so maybe it's about your three little successors?' BB wondered then. He made it sound like an accomplishment. 'They were too easy, just too easy, sir. You can't blame me for doing that. Blame their stupidity.'

Ryuzaki bit back the urge to roll his eyes.

He heard a ragged breath in. Good. She was breathing again. Now he had something to focus on, to distract himself.

'So, tell me something, _L,_ ' he said the title as if it was some kind of joke and Ryuzaki couldn't help but flinch, even though he tried very hard not to. 'How is it to lose everything?'

Ryuzaki leaned in a bit and spoke with a dangerous undertone in his voice as he said: 'You already know that all too well, don't you?'

Now Beyond Birthday looked like he was sulking. But in a mocking sort of way. Then he said: 'Not really, no. That's the thing with caring, L. The more people you care about, the more people I can hurt.'

Ryuzaki couldn't help it, he flinched again.

BB seemed to enjoy that. 'Want me to show you?' he asked with so much glee in his voice that it could turn your stomach upside down.

'Not necessarily,' Ryuzaki replied as dryly as he could.

BB's grin only widened and he then focused on something behind Ryuzaki. He knew exactly what the man was looking at and Ryuzaki froze when he realized. 'Hey Allison!' BB then called and Ryuzaki felt something close to panic. Whatever he was going to do, it was something he wasn't sure he could handle.

'Don't,' he snapped at the man at the other side of the screen.

He ignored him. 'Kira,' he said, loud and clear.

Ryuzaki immediately turned around to see her reaction, only to discover that it was so much worse than he'd expected. Her eyes widened and he knew, it almost felt like he could see, that she just remembered – maybe only a snippet – of what BB had done to her. She started shaking and then fell to the ground, covering her face, her ears. And screaming, so loud that Ryuzaki felt himself shiver. All the hairs on his hair begun to stand up straight as she shouted: 'Don't touch me, please! Please! No more, no more! Stop please! Please help me.' The last one of kind of mumbled, desperate, painted with her tears.

Ryuzaki quickly ordered Watari to bring her away and turned back to BB now, who was eating strawberry jam straight from the jar as he watched the whole scene amused. Like he'd never seen anything funnier than this before.

'Great that one of us has the ability to laugh in this situation,' Ryuzaki then said, trying to calm himself down. Showing any kind of emotion to BB wasn't wise right now. Well, it was never wise, of course, but especially not now.

'What? Isn't it funny? I made sure that she remembered just enough to be scared by that one little word.' He sounded so amused, so cheerful. 'I bet she doesn't even remember you at all now. Does she even know who you are? Or did you take this opportunity to wipe the slate clean and you didn't tell her anything?'

He was pretty darn close. 'She knows,' was the only reaction Ryuzaki cared to give.

Beyond Birthday's eyebrows shot up. This surprised him. Good.

'Oh really now?' he then said, his eyebrows already down again. 'And are you not wondering why I called you?'

'You didn't,' Ryuzaki said, nit-picky as he was. 'You invaded my software and hacked my camera and microphone.'

'Semantics,' BB replied with a vague hand-motion. 'Do you want to know what I want from you, or not?'

L sighed, knew that playing along with BB's games wasn't wise. But it was the only way of finding out what it was that he wanted. 'Tell me, if you feel so inclined to do so.'

BB's smile dropped, he clearly did not like the phrasing of L's reply, but he decided to ignore that, for now. 'I will give you a mission. If you complete it, I will let everyone free. I will never bother you and I will disappear behind bars forever, if you want me to. If you want me to die, feel free to shoot me in the head.'

Quite tempting, but Ryuzaki decided to say nothing.

'Are you accepting it?' BB asked, as if there was something so accept. There wasn't. Ryuzaki was going to free everyone and he was going to put Beyond behind bars once more.

'What do you want me to do?' Ryuzaki asked the man who could've been his twin brother with a sigh.

BB looked like he could burst into song at any moment now. 'I have three tasks for you! Complete them, and I'll do anything you want me to do. Free your slaves – and your orphans. I might even tell you the save word that can make Allison remember… some things. But only some.' He smiled like he just made a joke.

'What are the tasks?' Ryuzaki asked then, knowing that that was the question Beyond Birthday wanted him to ask.

Beyond raised one fingers. 'Number one,' he said and Ryuzaki had to keep himself from rolling his eyes, 'you have to find and catch the current Kira. And no, it's not me.'

The smile of Beyond's face was so bright, so happy with his little game, his little plan to win over L. To defeat him. But this wasn't necessarily about beating L the detective. This was about defeating L, the person, the mind. Ryuzaki.

Beyond Birthday now held two fingers up. 'Number two,' he said and Ryuzaki wondered how many tasks there were going to be. It wasn't exactly "a" missing, if he was going to give him multiple tasks. 'You have to find and free your three successors. And they all three need to be alive once you've freed them.'

Ryuzaki frowned. Beyond had just asked him what it felt like to have everything taken away from you. Ryuzaki wasn't sure what that felt like, but he was quite sure that it would be an awful feeling. Knowing that his successors were in his enemies hands, was bad enough.

'Number three,' Beyond Birthday said when Ryuzaki didn't seem to react at all. 'You have to restore young Miss Severs memories.' His smile became so wide that it almost looked like he would rip his cheeks open. 'All of them.'

Ryuzaki frowned, had no idea what this meant, what this had to do with anything. Beyond wouldn't give him this task if patience and maybe some therapeutic help would be the answer. No. This was different. This was… a task. But in a way, none of those tasks were things that Ryuzaki didn't already want to do. Only know, there was a price for the accomplishment. Not just the fact that he won – which was always the best part of winning a case – but he got Beyond Birthday behind bars as some sort of victory price.

'Do we have a deal, brother?'

Ryuzaki flinched again now. If you looked at their blood lines, Beyond Birthday was completely wrong with calling hem that. But seeing as they grew up in the same orphanage… he wasn't entirely wrong. And in a weird way, just that one fact that they grew up in the same place, made this whole situation much, much worse.

'Consider this little meeting of ours over,' Ryuzaki said and even though for some people it may have seemed as if though he was refusing the offer, Beyond Birthday knew the detective well enough to know exactly what that answer meant.

'How exciting,' he said, almost squealing. 'Let the game begin, then,' he added, after which he gave Ryuzaki a wink, took another handful of jam and logged out.

The screen went black for a minute and then the red screen was back and the female voice of the computer voice said: ' _Software back online. There are… no permanent damages to any essential or additional programmes. Restarting the system manually to reset past setting. If this is not required, please press any key._ '

Ryuzaki stood, let his computer do his own thing. When he turned around and saw Watari standing there, looking shocked and kind of lost in the room, he had to look away from the man's face. 'I'm going to get some cake,' he told the older man, after which he started walking.

'Of course, Ryuzaki,' the man said, but he sounded more like a robot than the one restarting the systems right now.

* * *

XxX

 _Allison's POV_

It was strange at first. The nothingness around me. And then I realised that… I'd been here before. And I recognised the creature standing right in front of me.

'Oi, kid! Why are you back here? Want to get permanently stuck here forever?'

The Shinigami looked at me as if I'd just grown horns or something.

I stared at her, confused, and then looked down to myself. I looked normal. And felt… normal. 'I remember,' I said, sounding so surprised.

'Of course you do, idiot, your memories and your body are combined in this world,' she said, as if that would be fairly obvious. 'You don't give me enough time, sweetheart.'

I had no idea who she was or why she was kind to me, but I didn't trust it at all. 'I need to get back. I don't even know why I'm here. And Beyond took the whole orphanage and I don't know—'

'Wow,' the Shinigami said. 'Calm your tits, lady. I don't need to hear all the human-drama. Just focus on not going insane, please, it would make my job of keeping you in check much easier.'

I frowned, confused now. 'Your job… to keep me in check?'

She nodded as she was pulling some bandage from seemingly nowhere and started to wrap it around her waist like she would need it in the near future. 'Yes. You know, I liked Rem. Not _like_ like, get your mind out of the gutter, but I like Rem. I will fight to keep save what Rem died to protect. If that makes sense. Though I won't go as far as that. Like, sorry, Lady, but I'm not that willing to die for you.'

This creature just got weirder and weirder. 'That's fine,' I said, but it sounded more like a question.

She gave me a smile. Her teeth weren't really rotten, but it looked like she washed her mouth with some black goo. It wasn't a pretty sight. 'Great. Now, I'm going to push you back and please, try not too hard to remember the memories you've lost. Chasing them too much might cause you to end up here again and I won't be here to push you back every single time.'

I again had no idea what she was telling me. 'Okay, I guess,' I said, not sure what I was agreeing to.

'Great!' she said again and I looked away she smiled again. 'See you next time!'

And then the whole white world was suddenly gone.

* * *

XxX

I woke up in a room with no lights. I couldn't remember my dreams, but I remembered… something. The man who had appeared on the screen, he'd looked like Ryuzaki, and acted so strange…

I knew immediately that he was the one who kidnapped me.

But why did I not remember anything after that?

For some reason, I was hesitant to go into the room now. The previous time, I had gone without really thinking about it, because I had heard the loud noise. And then I'd heard the voice of the computer, the female one and I could beat myself in the head for thinking that she kind of sounded like me. That would be absurd.

I went to my bathroom instead of the main room and filled the tub with warm water. First I let only my feet touch the water and it felt fine, so I didn't get in all the way. I even had my clothes – a white sweatshirt so big that I wore it as skirt – still on when someone knocked on the door.

'Olivia?' Ryuzaki called, not using my real name.

'The door isn't locked,' I replied and Ryuzaki seemed to understand that that meant that I wanted him to come in.

He observed the situation for a while. The barely filled tub with me sitting on the edge of the tub with only my feet in the water, the towel I had put near the sink for now. My hair, which looked probably like something exploded on my head.

I for some reason found it hard to look at him now, knowing that I'd once been in love with him, so I stared at the water, waiting for him to either talk or leave.

He did neither. He just sighed and walked over to the sink, grabbed the towel. Then he spoke. 'Come,' he said.

I frowned, confused, but he did not see it because I was still looking at the water. Then I pulled my legs from the water and turned around, placed my wet feet on the bathroom floor. I remained there, stilling sitting on the edge of the tub.

Only to watch as Ryuzaki knelt down and started to dry my feet like I was some sort of princess. 'You can get sick if you walk around with wet feet,' he explained as he carefully dried each foot slowly and thoroughly.

I decided to say some of my stupid thoughts out loud. 'I feel like a princess.'

I expected a bad reaction from Ryuzaki, but I got barely any reaction. He just smiled slightly and said: 'Is that so?' I had no idea what that was supposed to mean.

Then, after what felt like hours and only seconds and the same time, he stood up and helped me up at the same time. Then he surprised me by saying: 'I'm sorry' before leaving the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

Only after he was long gone did I realise that I had no idea why he came to look for me.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Done and done! What! Okay, so, yeah, this chapter may be a bit shorter, but I like it, so it's fine. Don't mind the typos, though, I feel like I made a few but it's 00:10 right now and I still have some stuff to do so I have to time to fix it. Oh. Well. See you next week and Happy Halloween!**

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 **XxX**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: Sorry! This wasn't really a cliffhanger, was it? Kinda? Sorry ;) And yayy! Whenever I write a filler chapter, I'm scared people are going to feel like they've wasted their time on a chapter. So good to know it wasn't terrible. And it's a god thing you don't hate me, hihi, because I like reading your reviews and replying to your reviews! Makes me happy :D Cheeseballs need to exist in this world and I have no problem with admitting that I am one! And thank you, yes, I had a great week. Anyway, Happy Halloween, Queen (see what I did there? Yes? Was it terrible? Probably) and looking forward to your next review ;)**

 **AuroraStargazers: Yayy Flufferdeefluff! (what are you doing Sofia?** ** _Idk, seemed like a great thing to do._** **Okay then… (yes, I am, in fact, talking to myself now.)) And that's okay! Though days/weeks/months/years/lives happen, no stress and worries! I'll always be here. And L has to be affectionate now that Allison literally can't. And she has been through a lot, she deserves some love and attention! I hope those three survive, too… I like writing them way too much just to let him die. Hmm your 'Matt'-theory, I will keep quiet about that for now. I'm just saying that I wouldn't have put that girl having a crush on him in there with no reason whatsoever… (wow, I'm so evil todat). I love updating, it's always my pleasure, thank you for reading the story and reviewing! Hugs and kisses and love and candy and cake and rainbows and unicorn! –Sofia.**

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 **XxX**


	48. I'm a Detective, Too

**Hey hey hey hey! I'm back! Not on Saturday, but on Sunday, because Saturday wasn't so nice to me, so I couldn't write. Is it a bit late? Sorry about that. But I'm here now, so let's go!**

 ****Fun fact! (not really it's a disclaimer, but still) I do not own Death Note. What a shame. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

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 **XxX**

 **48\. I'm a Detective, Too**

There was only one person who ever got away Ryuzaki. At least, as far as she knew. And that was her. _Her._ It was almost ironic. Look at her now. You'd think after successfully escaping from L, you would stay away from her. But not her. Not because she wanted to, she would have preferred to stay away from him until the day one of them died, but fate was never so kind to her. And she was way more scared of _him_ than of L. L didn't have the desire to torture her, after all. At least, as far as she knew.

She had put the eldest boy in a different room. Not necessarily because she thought he would have the ability to hurt the other two, but simple because… he freaked her right out. So she rather have him further away from her office than literally just outside the door.

She thought about it for a while, how easy it would be to just call L up right now, tell him everything, making sure he'd win the game. But she never really liked to get involved. Not that she wasn't already. Hell, technically speaking, she was now Kira. But not because she wanted to.

Only because she was afraid Beyond would get to her before L could.

And that would suck. Like, big time.

She sighed when the alarm told her to bring food to the nutcase on the other side of the building, which meant that she had to walk through the corridor. She did not like the corridor. It was empty now, but it used to be filled with people. Brainwashed people. People who were all now that, because of her.

Beyond didn't know she stopped writing names for henchmen, but honestly, she didn't think it was needed and she knew he wouldn't notice. He would never come here, not when he knew L was around there, somewhere. Waiting to be played with. Waiting to be tortured.

She shivered and the lights in the corridor flickered. That was a thing with underground facilities, if the light was bad, you were pretty much screwed. And she didn't want to bother. Someday she would have to move the boy to a place in the building _with_ good working lighting, but today was not the day.

'Food,' she called out as she opened the door.

When she got no reaction, no sound or whatever, as response, she hesitated before closing the door. Then, she asked: 'Are you there? Weird boy?' She knew he had a name. But why would she bother?

'I think I've figured you out,' he said and he sounded weird. Like he was drunk and way too sober at the same time. She saw him sitting there, in the corner, as far away from the door as possible, as if it frightened him. 'You are a bad guy.'

Holy guacamole. She rolled her eyes. 'Well done, Sherlock. Not eat. You need to eat.'

'But I don't think you want to be one.'

She froze. Normally, she would've walked away, ignoring it. Her old self, would've. But that was the thing. Her old self thought about things, smart things. And everything with concerned brain work just… felt like too much of a hassle for her.

The boy was itching towards the door now and she felt fear coming up. Fear and panic. 'I think you just want to be free. And alone, possible.'

Okay, so maybe he was rambling. She shut the door loudly, but didn't move away. For some reason, she couldn't. Dammit. The guy at the other side of the door could've been her, if things had been different. If things had been… worse.

'Please don't leave,' the boy then asked through the door. It was easy to hear him, when the building was so quiet and the door wasn't soundproof.

She considered his plea for a while. Then, with a sigh, she sat down and leaned against the door, wondering where the boy was now. In the corner again, against the door, too?

'Are you still there?' he asked after what felt like an eternity.

She wasn't sure she wanted to answer that.

'Did you leave?' he said then, a lot less hopeful, almost sad.

Yes. It was possible this could've been her. After all, this boy was just as lonely as she was. 'I'm still here,' she replied and for the first time in a long, long time, she sounded friendly. She'd forgotten how that felt, how that sounded.

'Good,' he answered and she wasn't sure what to say to that.

She wasn't sure he wanted her to say anything.

'I think you are secretly one of us, you know,' he said then and again, she wasn't sure what to say. She wasn't stupid enough to think that he didn't meant what she think he meant. She knew full well what he meant.

'You know why I think that?' he asked then. When she did not answer, he spoke again. 'Some of us become like that. Like this. Like _him._ I pretend to not see it, but Mello is already pretty far gone. And Near, who knows what goes on in that kid's head. And you're the same. You have the same look in your eyes, as if you're doing everything just because someone expects you to.'

'I don't live for L,' I answered after a while. 'Nor do I have any desire of succeeding him.'

The boy laughed. She didn't like it when he laughed, it was too dead, too cold. Beyond really had broken him a bit too much. What had he done to the kid? Could it be undone? She did not really want to think about stuff like that.

And she didn't have to. Because the next thing the boy said was: 'You say that now. But it was not always that way, was it?'

She should've left when he'd asked her to stay.

* * *

XxX

'All my memories have returned.'

I wish there would be a morning where I would be able to say that. But it didn't come. And it wasn't like I could be useful in any other way. I didn't dare to offer my help to L, I would probably only be in the way. How did I ever manage to do that, assist him? I felt like there was nothing I could do that _wouldn't_ bother him. I wasn't smart enough to assist L.

Which made the scary theory in the back of my mind only more and more real. Was there really a possibility that me and L had been in… any kind of… relationship? I couldn't think of any other reason to keep me around. And if – only if – this was the case, wasn't my presence, my presence _like this,_ only hurting him?

That was the main reason I stayed away from the room so much. Watari came in once in a while to bring me food or as me if I needed anything if he went to the store. But Ryuzaki didn't come to my room anymore. When I walked into the main room, he wouldn't even notice. Too absorbed in his work.

I didn't know how to help him, comfort him. He'd lost an orphanage full of children. I wasn't sure where that all came into play, but I was one hundred percent sure that L had once actually called that orphanage his home. And that made it kind of sad.

Sometimes, vaguely, I would see things or hear voices in my head. One time, when I walked into the main room, I swear I could hear Ryuzaki say: ' _You're not supposed to come here before school, Olivia._ '

Sometimes I tried to understand what they meant. But after a while, I stopped. Because every single theory I came up with, was more ridiculous than the previous. Like Ryuzaki – L – actually being in love with someone like me. It was such a selfish and egocentric thing to think.

Not that I had time to think about stuff like that. I was still trying to get that face, _that face_ , out of my head. My kidnapper. The murderer. Kira. I wasn't sure what he was, but my whole body seemed to remember. I couldn't even think of him and looking at Ryuzaki had only become harder and harder. And yet, he still wasn't explaining anything to me. Like I wasn't important enough to know. Like it wouldn't change anything whether I knew or not. Completely and utterly useless.

Watari had gone to the store about half an hour ago and it didn't look like he was back yet. Sometimes, when I felt lonely, I liked to open my door, just so I could hear L's long fingers tick on the keyboard. But when I silently opened the door now, there was no sound.

Scary, I must admit that.

I stepped outside the room, only to find more silence. Weird. No videos playing, no phone calls being made, no things being typed. No things being eaten, too. You could hear L chew, he usually did it with a lot of… enthusiasm.

I walked inside the main room, only to find L sitting there, in his chair, his hands on his knees and his head fallen a bit forward.

Sleeping.

I had never been more fascinated by a sight than this one. I stepped closer and closer, but he didn't move. As silently as I could, I sat down on the ground, studying him. His face, his features, his hands, his everything.

He wasn't handsome per se, but I could easily see myself fall in love with him. His face looked like he could be a teenager, but also a man in his thirties, if you really pushed. He had this childlike innocence to him, but also that weird sort of wisdom, as if he was both a child and an old man. Yes, Ryuzaki seemed to fit that description very well.

His hair also seemed to fit that description. It was the hair a child had after playing outside, but also the kind of hair a mad scientist would have. He was so enchanting, almost. A legend in human form, sitting before me.

I was reaching for him before I could think. And then, my finger touched his hand ever so slightly. He did not wake up, which surprised me. L seemed to me like the type who would sleep with one eye open.

My other hand reached up, too, and touched a strand of hair. It didn't feel dirty, or unclean, and it was a bit softer than I'd expected, but I had to admit that my hair was softer. Probably because I used a magic that was called 'conditioner', but maybe I shouldn't be thinking about stuff like that now.

' _If you weren't such a treasure to me, you'd be dead where you stand_ ,' the man had once told me after I had stolen some chocolate from the main kitchen in their headquarters. To some, it may seem as though these two situations were similar. Locked up somewhere, kept without good reason to do se, just because they could. But the man had always made it very clear that it was very well in his power to hurt me, to kill me.

Ryuzaki always seemed like he did not want to.

I hadn't noticed I'd started to pet his hair until Ryuzaki opened his eyes and looked at me. At first, it was a look that was neither confused nor surprised. He just stared at me, with a blank expression, which, for some reason, was so much worse.

He lifted the hand I wasn't touching and grabbed the hand that was still in his hair. He had grabbed it with such care, but as soon as he took it, he held it like I was on a cliff and I would fall to my dead if he loosened his grip even for a moment.

And that was how we were then, in completely silence, just staring at each other.

I wondered what he saw when he looked at me. A friend, a colleague, an employee? An enemy, a victim, a lover? I didn't know. But there was something about it. About the way he looked at me, about the way my whole body seemed to glow when he did so.

 _I want to be in love with him,_ I realised. And I did. Desperately wanted to. My whole body was already feeling like it was in love with him, but my head didn't agree, didn't know him well enough.

'Allison,' he said as he leaned a bit forward and my breath quickened and I had no idea what to do. Was he planning on kissing me? What should I do? Push him off me? Kick him? Scream and tell him to let me go, tell him that I don't feel the same way?

My whole body seemed to scream by that idea alone.

'Allison,' he repeated, his voice a bit unsteady. Then he lowered the hand he was holding and let his head hang a bit more. 'You should probably… move back… a little.'

And so I did. Immediately. But I felt my whole body protest, like it wanted something from me. And instead of pushing those impulses, those thoughts, away, I let them out, hoping that, maybe, it would bring out the real me, too.

My hands shot forward and I had grabbed his hands before he even had the chance to pull back. _Now_ he was looking at me with a confused expression. 'Let me help you,' I said and it almost sounded like I was begging him to. Well, I was already begging him, I couldn't make it much worse, so I added: 'Tell me about it. About everything. Please. I can help. I know I am not as smart as you, or as good as you at your job. But… I was once a detective, too, you know. You can put me to work. You can even use me all that you want, I don't care. I just… want to help. Please. I can't just sit here and I don't think I will remember anything any time soon. My head already feels like it's going to burst, so please. Tell me everything.'

I had spoken so much, even without thinking too much about it. I hadn't spoken so much in days. Maybe because I tried to be alone as much as possible, but that was not for my own benefit. I just did not want to be in the way. And I wouldn't be in the way if there was a way for me to help Ryuzaki, right?

For a short moment, I thought he was actually going to do it. Explain everything to me, tell me everything. But then he finally looked at me and I saw it, in his eyes. He wasn't planning on telling me anything. 'I can't tell you anything,' he said, confirming my fears.

'Please,' I tried again, but I already knew that it would come to nothing.

'I can't tell you anything,' he said again, 'I am supposed to help you remember. And I find that telling people what is hidden in their lost memories doesn't work as well as the doctors say. Showing you would be way better.' He let go of one of my hands, but let the other one there, in mine. Like it was the natural thing to do, the right thing to do. I felt something in my stomach that I could not explain.

He grabbed his phone and called someone. I was already aware of who it was before he picked up and I could hear his voice because Ryuzaki was so close to me.

' _Yes?_ ' was the only thing Watari said. For safety, I assumed.

'Watari,' Ryuzaki answered, looking at me as he spoke. Almost as if he was asking _me_ a favour, not Watari. 'Please go and check with the Japanese Kira Investigation Team if they are still using the headquarters. And arrange a trip to Japan for the three of us.'

' _Pardon, sir?_ '

Ryuzaki just smiled a childlike smile, as if his favourite game had just begun. 'We're going to get everyone back. I'm going to win this game in the end. Because, in the end, justice will prevail no matter what.'

And I swear to God, on the other side of the line, I heard Watari say: ' _Oh, good Lord._ '

* * *

XxX

'I know why you came here. And you should be ashamed of yourself.'

'But…'

'Silence! Ignorance! Impatience! You are young, child, but this behaviour is inexcusable!'

The Shinigami looked down, couldn't bow any deeper. She wanted to scream at the King, at Rem, at Ryuk, at everyone. But she had no means to. She was young, yes, but she believed that what she did was right. And if her life would only be about killing people, couldn't she at least try to save one? One that meant something to someone, to a friend?

'I'm sorry, your Majesty,' she replied dryly. 'But I do not regret my behaviour whatsoever.'

'Ohohoho,' the King said amused. 'How incredible… interesting. Say, my child, what would you do for my if I grant you what you want?'

'Anything,' the Shinigami said before she could think. She knew it was a dumb thing to say, she _knew_ it. But it was too late.

'Wonderful,' the King said, cackling with laughter and amusement.

 _I'm regretting all my decisions that ended me up here,_ the Shinigami thought before the King spoke again.

'Alright, young one, here's what I want you to do…'

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 **XxX**

 **Done! And again a bit of a filler chapter, because it kind of sets everything in motion. It end it coming, the end is coming! Well, it will probably still take a while, and probably a lot of chapters, BUT, it's getting near! Kinda scary… almost.**

 **Also, sorry the chapter is short, I tried to make it as long as possible, but when a chapters is done, it's done. Sorry if you're disappointed that it's not longer.**

 **Anyway, thank you for reading! See you next chapter! Bye bye!**

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 **XxX**

 **I'm not replying to all the reviews, sadly enough, even though replying to you guys is probably my favourite thing to do, but I actually have to translate 12 Spanish texts for tomorrow and I haven't started yet and I'm an idiot, so I'll just do the ones that I have time for right now. Sorry!**

 **AuroraStargazers: All I will say about the drying the feet part is: mwahahahaha. And of course he isn't being L-like, he is losing! But now that he has his spirit back, things will be more fun... hehehehehe. And thank you for everything! I'm better, even though my voice is kind of half gone. Hihi. Anyway, hugs! –Sofia.**

 **PaperWorld: Hahahahaha. xD.**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: Thank you *bows* my little brothers find my puns… let's just say they find them slightly annoying xD And thank you, that girl is quickly becoming my favourite OC, which is weird, but I like to write her because you know almost nothing about her. (insert evil laugh here). Aah, and I love Shinigami, too! I wish I could just write a spin off with only Shinigami, just their daily, boring lives. And the only think I will say for now about that scene is: mwahahahahahahaha. Read and interpret that however you want ;) Thank you so much for reviewing, bye bye! – Sofia**

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 **XxX**


	49. Seen It All Before

**OOOOH BOY I'M WAY TOO LATE! Sorry guys, I had a stupid party on Friday and then Saturday was all homework and on Sunday I had another party that went on for way too long and my brother ended up in the hospital and then I had one crazy week. And now I'm back, sorry for not updating the previous week, but I hope I'm back on track now. Even though, with Christmas and all that stuff coming up, who knows how well that will go. Gosh, I suck xD. Anyway, let's get this chapter started, shall we?**

 ****Fun fact! (not really it's a disclaimer, but still) I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original ideas and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

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 **XxX**

 **49\. Seen It All Before**

Taking a regular plane just seemed stupid now, so Watari prepared a trip with a private jet. It would be better like this, because this also meant that Allison would have more space. At least, that was the excuse Ryuzaki gave Watari. Watari wasn't sure if that was really the reason, though. Was it Allison who needed her space, or was it Ryuzaki, who always looked troubled whenever he thought the girl couldn't see it?

Watari did not want to admit it, but this whole situation was wrong. Ryuzaki never shouldn't asked Matt to keep an eye on her, because then nothing would've happened to her. And when nothing happened to her, Ryuzaki would've felt less guilty. If they had just left her alone, she would probably be in the Japanese Task Force right now, working under L once more. With all her memories. And no guilt or regret.

Not being able to find Near, Mello and Matt was slowly starting to take a toll on the young detective and the older man new that. He remembered what happened when A died. He bet Ryuzaki even kept score of all the deaths he blamed himself for. All the people he though he indirectly destroyed or killed.

Did he really not see that most of this was his fault? Not Ryuzaki, but his. He was the one who made his orphanage into a detective-training machine. A and BB, they were both his fault. That Ryuzaki was the way he was, that was probably also his fault. So what else could he do, but obey the younger man? What else could he do than mourn the tragic things Allison had gone through and to protect the orphanage?

That last one seemed impossible now. People controlled by the Death Note were surrounding the house, letting no one enter or leave. The save house had enough food for a while, but there would come a time where this was more than just a bit dangerous or inconvenient. Everyone around them was in some way trapped. The orphans, Roger, Hannah, trapped in that house until they found a way to set them free. The three successors, trapped somewhere they couldn't even find. They might not even be alive. And Allison, trapped in her own mind of forgotten memories and dreadful nightmares. And him and Ryuzaki, both trapped by different kinds of guilt.

Watari looked at the boy in front of him now. There were four seats in the main area of the private jet and Ryuzaki had insisted on Watari sitting across him, even though Watari had suggested that it might be good if Allison sat there. Even without her memories, he saw the way she looked at him. And she needed it. They both needed it. But he couldn't push much more, couldn't risk pushing so hard that they started to resist even more.

Ryuzaki was working on his laptop, watching security tapes, trying to find out where it was that he went wrong. He wouldn't find it there, though. On the cameras. Watari knew exactly where Ryuzaki went wrong. The moment Watari had taken his hand and adopted him. Some might tell him that that was the greatest decision ever made, but he would never stop regretting what he'd turned this young man into. Even if he would've ended up becoming the greatest detective on earth anyway.

He looked at the girl then, sleeping in her seat. Not out of choice, but Ryuzaki had drugged her coffee when Watari had refused to. Even though he owed it to Ryuzaki to obey him.

He owed it to the world to obey L.

* * *

XxX

I shouldn't have come here.

I shouldn't have.

The moment I stepped out of the private jet, I knew I'd made a mistake. I couldn't be here, not after everything. I didn't remember enough, but I still remembered enough. Enough to know that I did not want to be here.

The first person I recognised was Matsuda, who came to pick us up from the airport. Even though he had been sitting in the driver's seat, Ryuzaki sent him away and told Watari to get behind the stirring wheel, not trusting Matsuda at all. I would've laughed about that, had the circumstances been different.

But as it was now? It just wasn't very funny. Matsuda wouldn't even look at me, as if I disturbed him somehow. Was amnesia really that scary? Would I by distant, had he been the one to lose his memories? I wasn't sure. I did not really want to know, or find out.

As we drove through Tokyo, I realised that everything seemed the same. But they couldn't be the same, years had gone by. Had that coffee shop been there, did buses always look that way? Was that a new fashion trend? How could a city change so little while I changed so, so much?

I was surprised when Ryuzaki sudden said: 'stop here', because I had no idea why he wanted to stop here. It was just my university. I remembered that much, my memory wasn't so far gone. When I gave Ryuzaki a confused look, he almost looked irritated. 'Just trust me and get out,' he said when Watari stopped the car right in front of the entrance gate.

Matsuda did not get out, even though Ryuzaki didn't order him to stay. Neither did Watari. This was something I'd been scared of these days. The theories I had about me, about _us,_ they seemed to be more present in my mind when it was just the two of us. It almost felt like walking with an ex I never even dated. And that said a lot, since I never had any sort of relationship. Well, not that I remembered, anyway… _And come on, Allison, does Ryuzaki really seem like a_ _person anyone could ever have a successful relationship with?_

We had been walking on campus for a while, in complete silence, when Ryuzaki suddenly asked me: 'Do you remember?'

'Going here?' I asked. 'Yes, I do.'

But he shook his head. 'No, no you don't.' Then he pointed at the tennis court then, his long fingers always weirdly gracious, even though the rest of his posture wasn't. 'You played tennis there. Light was there, too. But you were wearing a wig and the heat made you pass out. My fault.'

I frowned, wanted to ask why I was here playing, why I was wearing a wig, why that was my fault, but then he suddenly grabbed my wrist and leaded me to a prettier spot on the campus, the wooden bench and trees seemed familiar to me. 'This is where we arrested Misa Amane and where you lost a friend. My fault, as well.'

Misa… again didn't ring a bell. Though, something inside me seemed to connect it, because I pulled a face and suddenly had an annoying sound in my head. 'I'm not sure if she was my friend…' I said in the end, quietly.

He looked up, not with a hopeful look, Ryuzaki didn't really do that, but with just a mild form on interest, as he waited for me to say more. When I didn't and just looked back at him with a blank expression, he looked away from me as if he couldn't look at me any longer. Then he said: 'You liked her enough to stand up for her, even though it made your situation worse.'

Oh. So maybe she had been my friend. But I didn't have to like someone to help them, not necessarily. It completely depended on the situation. A situation I did not know about, a situation I did not want to ask about. 'Where is she now?'

'Mental hospital,' Ryuzaki said, with no hint of emotion in his answer, clearly not caring out this Misa-girl at all.

'Oh,' was my less than enthusiastic reaction. Then I looked around the campus, ignoring Ryuzaki as he kept walking. It felt like I could remember vague flashes. Of faces, of people, situations I might not have been in before. But they were vague, sheltered. Like they were hiding behind something big. Not big enough that I couldn't see them at all, but big enough that I couldn't exactly make out what they meant.

'Are you coming?'

I turned around to face Ryuzaki, only to see that he wasn't looking at me. As I followed him, my mind started to wonder. If I was right, I was probably hurting him a lot by asking these questions, failing to remember anything. Why was he trying, then? He could send me back to Tokyo and leave me there, or have me hospitalised. But as reluctant as he seemed to face me, he also seemed reluctant to send me away.

I stood still. 'Ryuzaki?' I asked, the wind blowing through my hair. I didn't say it loudly, because I didn't need to. There weren't many people here, so late on the day. And I knew Ryuzaki would always hear me.

He stood still now, too, but did not turn around. Fine. This would have to do. 'If there was anything extremely important I forgot, you would've told me, right?' I asked him, trying to not sound too desperate or hurt.

He stood there as I waited for an answer. I already kind of knew that the answer was 'no', but I needed to check just how honest he was with me. Or maybe I thought other things were important than he did.

I stepped closer, slowly, as if he would answer if I was only close enough to listen. He did not. At least, not until I sighed and I almost didn't hear the answer.

'Maybe,' was his answer. Not a 'yes', but not a 'no' either. A truth nor a lie. I guess that was all I would get for now.

I sighed again and took a step back to give him some space. Then, as he started walking again, I said: 'Do you even want me to remember?'

He didn't stop walking and he didn't answer either.

'Ryuzaki,' I tried. No response. And he just kept walking. I started to run after him and grabbed his arm to turn him around, to make him face me. 'Ryuzaki!'

'No,' he said, surprisingly cold, finally looking me into the eyes. 'You wanted an answer, the answer is no. It would be more convenient if you did not remember anything. But I have to. Because that was one of the tasks Beyond gave me. I have to make you remember and old views help, so there you go. An answer.'

I let his arm go, felt suddenly insulted for a reason. I was so stupid. So freaking stupid. Of course he wasn't doing this for me, of course not. And if it was more convenient for him that I did not have my memories, it had to mean that we hadn't had any relationship at all.

I shouldn't have cared much. I barely knew Ryuzaki now, anyway. Why would this hurt me? Still, as I struggled to open my mouth, I felt tears welling op in my eyes. 'Oh. Okay. Thank you for your honesty.' I started to bat my eyes like crazy in an attempt not to cry.

It seemed to help, because Ryuzaki turned around and started walking again, slower this time and I knew that he must not have noticed that I was almost crying. With him not looking at me anymore, I wiped the non-existent tears away with my sleeve and followed him. But I did not walk next to him anymore, just a few steps behind. Like I wasn't worthy to walk next to him.

Like I'd realised he did not want me next to him.

* * *

XxX

Watari and Matsuda were still in the car waiting for us, but when I got in this time, sitting in the back with Ryuzaki while Matsuda and Watari were sitting in the front, Matsuda did talk to me.

'H-how are you feeling, Olivia?' he asked me, his familiar voice sounded strange to my ears somehow. Because he is much older now, my brain told me. No, I disagreed, that's not is. He suddenly sounded like… an adult. And that had nothing to do with his age.

'As if I just flew across to earth and walked around an University campus,' I said, not as sassy as I'd meant it. 'How are you?'

'G-g-good!' he responded. He almost seemed kind of nervous to me talking to me now. Odd and kind of confusing.

I supposed it might be a better idea to just keep quiet for now, as to not make him even more uncomfortable than he already was.

The remainder of the ride was an awkward void of silence and nothingness, with everyone trying very hard not to make eye contact. I settled for watching out of the window, but that meant that sometimes, when the angle and lighting was just right, I could see Ryuzaki's face in the glass. He had his thumb against his mouth again and looked like he was thinking about something pretty intense.

I started to count the street lights after a while. By sixty-three, the lights suddenly stopped and we were seemingly in a bit of a deserted part of the city. A part where I had not been before. Or at least, that was what I thought at first. But when the car stopped again and I stepped out of the car to see the building, something fell over me. I had seen this before. Had been here before.

Matsuda's voice shot my out of my thoughts and lost memories. 'U-um. As I said before, the Japanese Task Force has been permanently closed, so w-we aren't with many people and it's actually just—'

'It's alright,' Watari said instead of Ryuzaki, which surprised me, but not enough to look away from the building. 'Let's all just get inside.'

'Olivia?'

I looked down the building until my eyes found Ryuzaki, who stood there with one hand in his pocket, the other one was holding a small lollipop in front of his mouth, even though he wasn't licking it.

'Yes, Ryuzaki?' I asked, even my voice sounded kind of dazed. It had been so close, the memories of this place. It felt like they were there, somewhere, close enough to reach. But yet I couldn't grasp them. It was rather frustrating.

'Are you alright?' he asked and he sounded like he made a great effort to make it sound like he did not care. Which might sound complicated, but that was what it sounded like to me.

'I'm fine,' I replied, which came less and less believable each time I said it. But it was stupid not to be fine. I didn't remember the pain, the suffering. All these people did and they had to live with it. I didn't have any right to not be fine.

I followed them inside, which was way harder than you think, if you consider Ryuzaki's paranoia for a minute. Understandable paranoia, but still, eight different entrances with different security systems? That just seemed a bit too excessive.

I didn't ask where the other floor let to when Watari pressed a number in the elevator. I just looked around, trying to grasp… something. But it was hard. Still, the smell of this building seemed familiar and I knew that I had been here, I knew it, felt it, but I couldn't remember anything beyond that fact.

When the elevator door opened and we stepped inside, the first thing I noticed was all the screens. Black and not showing anything, but still, that was an absurd amount of screens. The second thing I noticed was the couch.

And I froze right then and there. Because even if this was everything, even if I only remembered these few snippets… I knew that couch.

My fingers travelled to my lips, but I pulled them away quickly, knowing that there was a chance L was watching me. But I couldn't look away from that couch, not even when my cheeks began to burn and I started to see everything vividly in my brain. How I'd kissed him that day and how he hadn't pushed me away with disgust. It didn't seem like it was me somehow, but yet there I was and I had kissed him. He had kissed me.

'I'm going to the control room to make sure everything is in proper working order,' Watari said then and I heard the doors opening and closing and yet I still did not look away from the couch.

'Where Chief Yagami?' Ryuzaki asked Matsuda, ignoring me for the timing being, which was a good thing.

'A-at the office, sir. He only comes here on his free days and even then he isn't here often. He wants to treasure the time he has with his family as much as he can,' Matsuda scrambled and I started to fear that he wouldn't stop talking. But, thank the heavens, he did.

'Could you kindly go out and call him for me, make an arrangement to meet?' Ryuzaki asked, his voice sounded a bit off.

'Ca-can't I just… do that… here?' Matsuda wondered.

'I don't like people talking on the phone while I'm in the room,' Ryuzaki announced, which sounded like something he literally just made up. Yeah, there was a big chance that was exactly what happened.

But Matsuda didn't look surprised at all, just sort of… annoyed in a way. But in a respectful way, I'm sure. '…Right,' he said, after which he turned around and walked out of the room.

Leaving me alone with Ryuzaki.

Oh. Oh.

'You remembered something,' Ryuzaki then said, putting his hands deep into his pockets.

I looked at him, but felt incredibly uncomfortable doing so. 'What are you talking about?' I tried, even though I knew L could look through a lie like that.

He lifted a hand, brought it to his mouth. Inspected me with a bit too much interest glinting in his eyes. 'That's not it,' he said softly. 'You remembered this back when you stopped taking medications.'

I took a step back, away from him. 'I-I have no idea w-what you're talking about.' Jesus, I was starting to sound like Matsuda when he was nervous.

He took a step towards me, I took another one back. He made his conclusion pretty fast. With narrowed eyes, he said: 'You're afraid of me.'

I put my hands up, as if I was going to stop traffic. 'No, no, no, no, that's not it at all. I am just… confused. Memory loss, remember?'

Nope, he definitely wasn't buying that. 'You know,' he said slowly, 'I could pretend like I have no idea which snippet of your memory has returned, but I think we're both not foolish enough to go with that route. So, answer this one question. Why are you afraid of me?'

I sighed. I should answer. I really should. I sighed again before answering. 'It's not you I'm scared of,' I began. 'I'm scared of the person I was in these memories. I'm scared of what you thought of her, back then. I don't… I don't know her. I mean, I would never—'

'Kiss me?' he asked and I cringed. He did not, but I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. 'I actually believe you normally wouldn't do that with or without your memories. But you aren't always the most rational person, even you can get… urges.'

I wanted to roll my eyes, but held myself back. 'And you don't?' I asked, pulling both eyebrows up.

A small smile played on his lips, but it looked cynical. He didn't give me any other answer.

And then, I decided, that I didn't want one. Instead I said: 'Stay still.' Which he, to my surprise, did. I approach now, instead of running away and tried to remember where the past me had touched him as I reached forward with one hand. The tips of my fingers touched his cheek and I shivered a bit, but I noticed that he did to.

'O—' he started, but I interrupted him. 'Stop. Don't. I think I can… I think I might…' My other hand was on his other cheek now and he was so soft, so familiar, so… him. I knew then that I had loved him once and that this body still loved him just as much. And that I, me, the broken version of someone I once was, was also falling in love with this impossible creature.

I warned him with my eyes when I slowly reached forward, standing on my toes as I slowly came closer and closer. And yet he remained still. As if he gave me time. As if he gave me space, in a completely different way than you might think when you hear that word.

And then, when one hand went to his chest and I felt his heart beating at least as fast as mine, I closed my eyes and pressed my lips on his, trying to capture an infinitely of feelings in this one moment.

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 **XxX**

 **AND DONE. Are you mad that I ended it there? Yes? No? Well. You'll just have to wait and see I guess.**

 **As I was saying, sorry for not updating the previous week, I had one crazy weekend, but I'm back not and will probably update next week, but maybe my schedule will become every two weeks, since it seems like that's what's happening right now anyway, but don't count on it, I don't know how hectic things will be from now on.**

 **Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Bye bye!**

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 **XxX**

 ***I'm not replying to all the reviews this week, sorry guys, next time I promise I will!***

 **AuroraStargazers: Don't feel sorry, I like theories, no matter how absurd. And your theories are never too far off, actually, so most of the time, I just sit there like 'HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT ALREADY?!' (but don't worry, Watari is still safe). I should be sorry for not updating without notice… ehehehehe… oops. And yes, poor Matt. He deserves some really nice vacation after all of this is over.**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: HAHAHAHA, am I so predictable? I guess I am xD. And not much Japan-excitement today, but it will be better from now on. Matsuda and other people will bring some light back into this story. Because, gosh, it was dark for a while.**

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 **XxX**


	50. Out Of Here

**Hey guys! Here I am! I'm wearing a Christmas jumper in November, it makes me feel festive, but also like I'm wearing a bikini in February, or something. One of my little brothers even asked me if I was confused which month it was for a while. Why am I telling you this? I don't know, let's start this chapter!**

 **NOTE: From this week on, I will be very busy. I am in three different choirs that all have Christmas performances, I co-direct a children's Christmas Musical AND I have school, so I like to warn you, if there's one week a very late update, or none at all, that's because I'm running around doing Christmas related stuff.**

 ****Fun fact! (not really it's a disclaimer, but still) I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original ideas and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **50\. Out Of Here**

Did they think she was stupid or something?

The two little L-boys tried to escape three more times that week. One time, they came pretty close, but she knew by now that as soon as she had the big one back, the little one would stay. She also knew that that trick wouldn't work the other way around, that was the time she almost failed.

It was stupid of them, really. The little white kid should just escape when he could. One less prisoner is always better than two. And he could help him more from the outside then the inside, she believed. She didn't understand the dynamic between the two at all.

There escapes became easier these last couple of days, because she spent more time at the other end of the hall. While writing names, she would chat with the young man, trying to keep him as sane as she would, even though there wasn't really much left to save. But he was… interesting like that. And she found herself feeding him – and the other two boys – better food, more food. She found herself become softer, weaker. But she couldn't make herself stop, couldn't make herself care. But she knew that even if this continued, she would always be more scared of _him_ then care for _them_.

But dammit, they were slowly starting to become her weakness.

'Do you think destiny is a thing?' Matt asked, he phrased thing oddly, like he was stupid. Yes, his poor mental state made him sound stupid. Which he wasn't. She knew that much.

'I hope it's not,' she answered in truth, after a short silence. Though she never really talked to Matt about her past, lying about everything else seemed pointless. 'Because if that is the case, I am pretty sure I'm screwed.'

* * *

XxX

There weren't many things I expected to happen when I forced myself onto L. But even if I was expecting something, this would be at the very bottom of that list.

Within seconds, he had put his arms around me and pulled me to him, even though he let me lead the rest of the kiss. He let me have completely control. And even though I didn't knew him crazily well, I knew that giving me control was something big. Something incredibly big.

As if I had done this a million times before, one hand slid into his hand and touched the wild locks of darkness. In my head I could hear something vague, nagging me, pulling my brain open, slowly, but surely. This was the first time I actually pushed it away.

His hands were spread on my back now and I could feel them shaking through my shirt. I wondered if that was nerves, too much sugar, not enough sleep or something else. Maybe he was letting me, even though he wasn't willing and he was shaking because he had to held back as to not push me away.

That thought made my eyes snap open and I lowered my feet again, pulling my mouth away from his in the process. But his hands were still on my back.

I wasn't sure what to do now, so I stared at his chest while biting on my lip.

With a sigh Ryuzaki let his head fall on my shoulder, which surprised me, but not enough to push him away. His hands slid back down until only his head was touching me, his forehead on my shoulder. He sighed again, but it sounded more relieved this time.

As if he hadn't been sure I was okay until this exact moment.

I tried to swallow, but all the heavy emotions stayed right there, on my face and for some reason, one tear escaped.

Jesus Christ, since when was I the star in some sort of Amnesia-drama?

Then, suddenly, Ryuzaki's head snapped up and only a second later, the door opened and Matsuda came walking in, the phone this in his hand. He was ready to open his mouth, but then he noticed how silent we were and how close we were standing to each other, and he jaw dropped, after which he closed his mouth on purpose. After a short silence, he said: 'Um. Did I interrupt something?'

Yes. 'No,' I answered, but I said it for nothing, since Ryuzaki at the same time said: 'Yes.' When I looked at him annoyed, he gave me an innocent pout. 'What? It was factually correct.' Then he turned to Matsuda. 'What did he say?'

'H-he said he could come over to the headquarters tonight, or you could visit his home, that's what he said,' Matsuda said, sounding almost guilty. What exactly did he think he interrupted?

While thinking that, I suddenly remembered what he actually did interrupt and I knew I was blushing.

'I'll have a word with Watari, but I think it would be best if we visited his home. How well is his family informed?'

'He insured me that they were not at all, sir,' Matsuda said, clearly not sure how to address L now. Not that I could remember how he used to address him, but by his tone I could hear that 'sir' probably wasn't it.

'Good,' was Ryuzaki's reaction, after which he turned around and walked towards the screens, probably to start them up. 'Also, as I hope you've been informed, there is a taboo on the word of the criminal we're looking for, as it deeply disturbs Olivia.' Ryuzaki was only speaking to Matsuda now, completely ignoring me. 'I need a profile on the current… killer. Watari will help you with the profiling. The nationality, the gender, I need all of that.'

'And what will you be doing, L— Ryuzaki?' Matsuda asked, still unsure what to call him.

'I will occupy myself with the second and third task,' he answered.

'What?' Matsuda asked and I could almost hear Ryuzaki's eyes rolling.

'Never mind that. Just get to work. Me and miss Olivia will be upstairs.' Now that the screens were set up, I saw that most showed footage from security cameras. From where they were, I wasn't sure. A few screens only had a big 'W' on a white background and the last few had either some sort of numbers or the news from various countries. There were so many screens that I thought my brain would explode.

While I was looking at the screens, Matsuda had already moved towards them, while Ryuzaki had walked right back to me. 'Are you coming?' he asked me when I did not look at him.

I still didn't, because I wasn't sure how I should look at him now. 'Yes.'

* * *

XxX

Not having people staring at me while riding the tube in Tokyo was… odd. It was even stranger, because people did stare at Ryuzaki. Maybe that's why they didn't stare at me, because I had such a… eccentric person right next to me.

When we got out, it was at an odd destination. Ryuzaki leaded me – without talking much – until we reached one of the fancier hotels in Tokyo. 'This is the hotel where we first met face to face,' he then said and I actually got surprised by his voice, especially because he had been so quiet. 'Does it look familiar to you?'

Well… yes, but that couldn't mean anything, right? I mean, I must've been in this part of Tokyo before, which meant that saying that it looked familiar would only give him false hope. I had already started to lose hope.

'Olivia?' Ryuzaki asked when I did not reply.

I simply shook my head as an answer, since I knew that he would spot the lie if I said it out loud. He got what I meant and sighed and I knew he was thinking about whether he would take me inside or not. Then he put his hands deep in his pockets and turned around, started to walk away.

I walked after him silently, not sure what exactly we were doing right now.

It was when we were sitting in the tube again and I closed my eyes for a short while, that it happened. Out of nowhere.

 _When I woke up on the couch I had fallen asleep on, I had a blanket wrapped around me. Which surprised me, but it also didn't surprise me. Watari and Ryuzaki took better care of the Task Force than they'd seem to think. That included me, of course._

 _'_ _We will be moving around 2 PM tonight,' Ryuzaki told me the moment I was awake. He didn't even have to look at me, it was as if he just knew. 'The others are working at the police station today, so you can count this as a free day.'_

 _'_ _I can't help you with anything right now?' I asked, surprised. With the second Kira showing up, there should be more than enough to do._

 _'_ _I'm just going to watch the tapes we got from Sakura TV several times again. You can watch it with me, but I'm quite sure that your assistance won't be needed,' he told me._

 _Great, thank you. That didn't sound insulting at all. 'Aw, but you seemed to need me back when you wanted to spy on Light. What, was I your wingman or something?'_

 _He didn't respond to that. My theory was that he didn't respond because he didn't know what a 'wingman' was. Of course. The great detective L wasn't a party animal. Which made me kind of curious. His life was so… lonely. I guessed that only Watari ever got really close to him, so… what about friends? Girlfriends, boyfriends? Did he ever… probably not. And if he did, it probably wasn't anything serious. He was married to his work, to his passion for justice. Any young female of male in his life would only distract him, something he didn't want. Yes. Ryuzaki probably didn't do the whole 'relationship' thing, whether it was friendship or an actual relationship._

 _'_ _Ryuzaki?' I said, yawning even though I was trying very hard to fully wake up._

 _'_ _Yes?' he responded, again not looking at me._

 _The question was there, in my head, in my mouth. If I'd been any weaker, I would've asked. But it wasn't my question to ask, it wasn't something I should ask. It wasn't professional. And even though I'd love to befriend Ryuzaki, I knew it was probably wiser to stick to being colleagues for now. And not even that, really. We were boss and employer. Puppet and puppeteer._

 _Victim and hero._

I was smacked in the face, but it felt so familiar now that I wasn't even surprised. 'Hey!' I shouted anyway, because it did hurt and people in the tube were all looking at me then. Oh great. I really missed that. Nope, I definitely did not.

Ryuzaki was staring at me, his dark eyes suddenly so intense. Like he'd just seen the same things as I had. Even though I knew that wasn't possible, it felt like that was the way he was looking at me. 'Are you ever going to stop hitting me?'

He shrugged. 'Are you ever going to stop having attacks while I'm around?'

Good questions. I decided not to answer. Frowning, and caressing my own cheek that just got hit, I thought about that memory. It seemed quite insignificant, nothing about the case. It seemed like all the things I remembered were Ryuzaki related, not… I couldn't even think the word. Not… case-related, I should say for now. Until Ryuzaki could help me. Beyond Birthday couldn't win. Me becoming a broken version of myself? That meant loss for our side and a win for him. And I knew me and L weren't going to let him have it.

We got off of the tube, but did not return to the headquarters. I already knew we wouldn't, I knew we were going to Yagami's house, where Watari would pick me up and Ryuzaki would talk things through with Yagami. 'It would be easier if we could talk freely,' he'd explained to me when I asked why I couldn't come with.

I sighed when we walked through the familiar street and none of the older people who were taking a walk were staring at me. Maybe I should dye my hair again.

' _Did you dye your hair again?_ '

I stopped walking. And stared at the street lamp a few miles away. But then the street and the street lamps vanished.

 _'_ _Yes, I did,' I told him, touching the wig. 'I decided that, while working on… the case, I'd rather not stick out too much.' I wish Ryuzaki did that. He was way too… how do I saw that nicely? He was too… noticeable. With his expensive car, strange habits, odd behaviour and… expensive car and odd behaviour and… expensive car and strange clothes and… lack of socks. Kind of hypocrite now that I thought about it. I was supposed to wear a wig because I gained too much attention otherwise, but he could prance around the way he was?_

 _'_ _Ah, I understand,' he told me, but he truly sounded sorry. Was that a perfect lie, or a genuine reaction? Was I looking for Kira, or was I seeing Kira?_

 _As we reached the Starbucks and got in line, Light asked: 'Do you believe him?'_

 _Of course I immediately knew what he was talking about. I put a finger to my mouth and mouthed 'later'. I had to convince Light, but surely not in a public place such as this one. When it was our turn, I ordered, surprised to see that Light ordered the same sweet, fat thing I ordered. Maybe he'd never gone to Starbucks before. That would be interesting._

 _With our 'coffee' we walked over to the tennis court of To-Oh and sat down on one of the benches. No one was playing tennis on the first day. You just didn't._

 _'_ _You asked me if I believed him,' I said after a short silence on the bench. 'And I do. For more reasons than one. I believe him because Chief Yagami believes him, and he's had more opportunities to witness Ryuuga's skills than I have. Also, in this world, the one Kira wants to kill the most is L. Finding someone willing to pose as L would be nearly impossible, don't you think?'_

 _I glanced over to see the look on Light's face, but his face was just neutral. But when I looked, I noticed the shadow again. And even though I hated being wrong, I hated guessing, I decided to tell him what I was seeing, that mixed with a lie: 'Sometimes I believe I can see aura's and ghosts. Like with you. I've noticed that there's a dark shadow following you around lately.' Kira was killing with a supernatural weapon. But if Light was Kira, he wouldn't give what this was away easily._

 _But I did get a reaction. Light looked at me, confused. Shocked, it almost seemed. To emphasize my words, I looked above him, to the shadow that I could no longer see. I already noticed that I only saw it when I wasn't focusing. The harder I looked, the less I saw._

 _Light just stared at me. Then he cleared his throat. I already noticed that he'd only taken one sip of his drink. I knew he wouldn't like it. 'Will I see you around?' he then asked. 'On campus, I mean.'_

 _I pursed my lips, pretending to think. Then I said: 'I hope so. This is much better than staying inside. But I don't know, depends on what Ryuuga tells me to do…' Was I coming off as too loyal? Did it matter? See, L, this is why you inform your employees about your plans!_

 _Light sighed. 'Ryuuga is sending you because he suspects me, isn't he?'_

 _Dang! What was I supposed to say? What would you say in such a situation. If I said 'I'm not allowed to answer that', then he knows the answer is 'yes'! 'Well,' I began, trying to think. 'I have to admit that I don't really know. I have no idea what's going on in that funny odd head. He only told me to watch the students for any strange behaviour and to keep taps on your private investigation. You are investigating Kira on your own, right?'_

 _There was a long pause in which I got no response. Then Light nodded._

 _I smiled. 'Your father told me. I'm pretty impressed, actually.' Then I sighed. 'Then again, if I wasn't allowed to help the police, I'd probably do so, too.' Then I decided to add something dangerous. Whether it was a lie or not, which it kind of was, but not really, this was something that I shouldn't say without Ryuzaki's approval. But I did say it. 'Even though I'm not really all that passionate about stopping Kira.' I stood in an attempt to throw away my empty cup, but Light grabbed my wrist._

 _'_ _What did you just say?' he asked me and when I looked back, for a millisecond, I thought I saw it. The red madness and hatred behind those eyes and even the black shadow that was starting to look like a creature. For a split second, I had the complete picture. The madman and his monster. But then it was gone, almost as if I hadn't seen it._

 _The hallucinations are getting worse. I should go to the doctor, get some new meds… I needed to leave. Right this second._

 _I pulled my wrist out of his grip and stumbled: 'I-I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to say that. I need to go. Bye!' I bowed, grabbed my bag even tighter and ran off, flying more from my own hallucinations than from Light._

* * *

XxX

At least Ryuzaki had the decency to not hit me again, instead, he shook me until I could focus my eyes on him.

He narrowed his eyes when I finally focused my gaze on him. 'I'm not sure if this is a good sign or not,' he admitted, which made me want to tell him that some snippets of memory were returning, but he was already walking along and we were almost at the house, I could already see Watari's car.

When we reached the house, Watari got out of the car and Ryuzaki walked over and started talking to him, so quietly that I couldn't here, but as I walked a bit closer, I heard him better. 'It seems like she's not doing well, keep an eye on her and don't let Matsuda talk to her.'

Wonderful. He was giving Watari orders about me. How delightful. I couldn't hear more, because Ryuzaki looked at me and immediately decided that the conversation was over. Stepping away from Watari, he said goodbye to both me and him before going towards the familiar house. A house that I felt no temptation to enter, or even look at.

Watari opened the car door for me and I got in, ignoring him when he tried to make a conversation. I wasn't in the mood for small talk, I still tried to get my head around what I'd just started to remember. What was it, that made me remember? Seeing the hotel? Being back in Tokyo?

Kissing Ryuzaki?

I blushed and looked away. No, that probably wasn't it, was it? That would be absurd.

The car wasn't so quick, especially on this time of the day in this part of Tokyo. We had to stay still around the plaza with the gigantic screen that always played the news. After a few minutes, I decided to look at it.

A woman was talking, but I couldn't hear her through the soundproof car. But I could read the text at the bottom of the screen.

 _Who is Kira?_

It felt like the world was crumbling in slow motion. I stared at the words, as I heard – felt – others in my mind.

 _Who. Is. Kira?_

* * *

 _'_ _What is Kira?'_

 _'_ _A murderer. A criminal who kills other criminals.'_

 _'_ _Shit! Who is L?'_

 _'_ _The greatest detective in the world!' the girl answered._

 _'_ _And what does he look like?'_

 _'_ _Dark hair, dark eyes, white sweatshirt, jeans. No shoes.'_

 _'_ _Again!'_

* * *

 _'_ _Who is Kira?'_

 _'_ _A murderer.'_

 _'_ _Not looking good, Allison. Who is L?'_

 _'_ _The greatest detective in the world!'_

 _'_ _And what does he look like?'_

 _'_ _Dark… hair… eyes, white…. shirt, jean… no… n-no shoes.'_

 _'_ _No, no, no, no, no! Stubborn, stupid girl!'_

* * *

 _'_ _Who is Kira?'_

 _'…_ _I don't…. murderer.'_

 _'_ _Who is L?'_

 _'_ _The greatest detective in the world!'_

 _'_ _What does he look like?'_

 _'_ _Dark… hair… eyes, white…. shirt, jean… no… n-no shoes.'_

* * *

 _'_ _Who is Kira?'_

 _'_ _What…?'_

 _'_ _Who is Kira, Allison?'_

 _'_ _I don't know any Kira's!'_

 _'_ _Aaah. Much better. Who is L?'_

 _'_ _The… greatest detective… in… in the world.'_

 _'_ _What does he look like?'_

 _'_ _Dark… hair… dark eyes.'_

 _'_ _SHUT YOUR TRAP!'_

* * *

 _'_ _Who is L, Allison?'_

 _'_ _The… the greatest… the greatest detective in the w-w-world.'_

 _'_ _What does he look like?'_

 _'_ _I don't… I don't… he doesn't… he never reveals his face.'_

 _'_ _And you've never seen him?'_

 _'_ _N-n-n-n-n-no.'_

 _'_ _Who is Kira, Allison?'_

 _'_ _I already told you that I d-d-d-don't know!'_

 _'_ _Does the name Watari ring a bell?'_

 _'_ _N-n-n-no. Y-y-y-you've got the wrong… person, sir.'_

 _'_ _Light Yagami?'_

 _'_ _I-I-I know him, yes. But only because I w-w-w-work with his father.'_

 _'_ _Who is L, Allison?'_

 _'_ _I… I have no idea.'_

* * *

 **XxX**

 **CLIFF HANGER! SORRY! I actually hate using flashbacks, because you guys have already read it before, but I didn't how I could do this otherwise, so there you go. Hope you enjoyed and see you next chapter!**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **(Not replying to every review because time and I don't know what to say to some. So. Yeah.)**

 **Nadine: Hello! Yeah, I know Austria ;) actually been there a few times. And your English is fine, don't worry about it! I can understand you perfectly, so it's enough! And thank you so much for liking my story, it makes me super happy to hear that! Thank you and good day/evening! – Sofia**

 **EmeraldHeart1203: Thank you! I actually feel uncomfortable writing fluff, because I always feel like other people can do it better, so it's great to know that you liked it! Thank you and please keep enjoying my story!**

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 **XxX**


	51. Other Matters

**I'm back! Too late, but I warned you guys about that. Jesus, I used to be way more punctual. But then again, I haven't been so busy in ages. It's weird, though. I thought that by December, this story would be done. But no. Not even close. Well. Clos** ** _er,_** **but not close. So. Yeah. Okay. Let's just start this chapter.**

 **NOTE: Still very busy with Christmas stuff, so until January, there will be very irregular updates. So sorry, sweethearts! (also, I wanted to write Saturday, but of course BBC had to upload a new Sherlock Series 4 trailer and then I died. So. Yeah. I'm back alive now, though. Or am I…?)**

 ****Fun fact! (not really it's a disclaimer, but still) I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original ideas and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **51\. Other Matters**

They had tried the air vents before. Mello slowly started to wonder why she wasn't doing something about it, it was really easy climbing in that thing. Well, not for him, but Near could manage. She only closed off the exits close to the actually exits of the building, but hey could still get out of the room.

'Who do you think she is?' Mello had asked Near once, when boredom and silence left him no choice but to talk to the boy.

'Not a criminal mastermind, if that's what you think,' Near said. He developed a habit of only talking with his eyes closed while they were here. But Mello guessed it was just to not look at him. He couldn't be the only one secretly (or not so secretly, depending on who you asked) hating the other one.

It was funny how Mello just let Near do his business without complaining now. As Near was once again tying the rope they found in one of the many boxes around his hips and used said boxes (again, something she could've easily removed, but she hadn't) to reach the opening to the air vent.

'Don't you think it's weird that she just lets us escape each time? She never stops us from trying, she just stops us from actually leaving,' Mello commented when the younger boy lifted himself into the air vent. Mello automatically stepped forward to grab the rope, so that Near wouldn't get lost in the vents and so that there was always a way to know where the other was, when necessary.

'Well,' Near answered, his voice sounded odd now that he was inside the vent, 'maybe she hopes that one day, she will fail. Maybe she secretly wants us to escape.'

'Bullocks,' Mello replied, 'then she would just let us go, wouldn't she?'

Near started to move forward, but still gave Mello a reply before ignoring him from then on. 'Ever thought about the fact that she actually _wants_ us to escape, but for some reason cannot?'

* * *

XxX

They were in the air vents again.

With a sigh she stood and she knew Matt must've picked up on it as well, because he said: 'Go easy on them, okay?'

She sighed again. 'Isn't that all I do these days?' She wanted to walk away, but Matt stopped her.

'Wait. Can… can I ask you something?' he said, this voice still sounded odd. She had seen pictured and video footage from before all this, so she knew how he once was. And she knew that this was Beyond's fault. But she could not do anything about it. And that became more and more dreadful each day.

'What is it?' she said and she wished she could've said it more kindly. But she was a villain in this story, she couldn't be kind. And she shouldn't want to be kind either.

'Can you tell me your name, please?' It was an innocent question, but with horrific amplifications. Someone like him wouldn't ask for a name if he didn't think it was important. After all, he would never just be curious about _her_. She didn't believe that could be the case.

A short silence. 'Cynthia.'

A short laugh. He did not believe her. Of course he didn't. It had been a lie, anyway. She didn't know how much he knew, but she was almost certain that her name would be a dead give-away. So she lied. It's apparently what she did best these days.

'Well then,' Matt then said. 'Good luck. _Cynthia_.'

Something about the way he said it made her smile. Not only that, but her feet started to tingle and her heart was suddenly racing.

She placed a hand against her chest and quickly started to walk away from the boy and his prison. To distract herself from thinking, for realising what had happened these last few days.

All the words that came into her head were: _Oh no._

* * *

XxX

 _'_ _Who's Allison?'_

 _Ryuzaki wasn't looking at me, but at the screen. If I hadn't known any better, I'd thought he was talking to his laptop. Or himself._

 _I should've known Watari would tell him as soon as they were alone. He hadn't been there because he was worried. He had been there because Ryuzaki needed someone to spy on me and he hadn't been available because he'd been too busy with Light. Great. I was Ryuzaki's second choice. Not sure if that should make me happy or not._

 _I sighed and scratched my forehead. 'You know who Allison is. You read the report. You probably know more about that case than I do.'_

 _'_ _Probably, yes,' he agreed, making me want to roll my eyes again. 'But you have information from within that I will most likely never be able to obtain.'_

 _I sighed. 'The case is closed. Allison is dead now, anyway. Let it go. I don't want to talk about it.'_

 _'_ _It's said that talking about it helps,' Ryuzaki said, clearly saying that because he read it somewhere, not because he agreed with the statement._

 _'_ _And I've talked about it for months,' I answered. This subject was making me both tired and annoyed at the same time. 'I never want to talk about it again, okay?'_

 _No answer. I hoped that Ryuzaki had decided to drop the subject, but he clearly didn't, because a few minutes later, he said: 'Do you secretly wish for Kira to kill him?'_

 _'_ _Oh my god, Ryuzaki!' I shouted. 'I don't want to talk about it! How many times do you want me to say it?'_

 _Suddenly, he grabbed my wrist. And not weakly either. Like he was trying to handcuff me with his own hand. 'Calm down, I was only wondering. I can see clearly now that this subject make you upset, so I won't ask question about it for now.'_

 _'_ _You were doing great until the "for now" part,' I told him, trying to free my wrist. 'And let me go, will you?'_

* * *

XxX

'Allison.'

'Jesus Christ!'

In one second, I was sitting up and backing away from the person besides the bed. It wasn't until I registered the familiar _peeps_ in my ears that I realised I was in a hospital and at least two nurses were staring at me.

I only quickly observed the room, though, before looking back to the man besides my bed. 'You really need to stop scaring me.'

I had been smiling vaguely, but stopped when I saw how he looked. Worried. Like, _really_ worried. That wasn't an emotion I had seen, not that I could rememb—

I got out of the bed and stood, ignoring the hands of nurses and walking straight towards the window. It was night, but not the right sort of night.

I turned around to look at Ryuzaki, who looked ready to run away now. 'You and I… we were… We were just…' I shook my head, knew, _felt_ that wasn't right. 'No. Wait. I was there, but I left the room and then… and then… Oh my god.'

I walked towards Ryuzaki, realised that my dream was probably very real. 'I remember! Like, not all, but a lot! I remember Misa and Light and the headquarters!' That felt more real now then the past few weeks had felt.

But then the joy subsided and I realised that Ryuzaki was still looking at me as if he wanted to run away. Something was wrong. He did not like this turn of events at all, it seemed. 'You… You were screaming, in the car, with Watari. I thought… I'd… I thought you must've remembered Beyond. Don't you?'

I frowned. Screaming? I did that? 'What? I… No, I don't get it…'

'What do you remember?' Ryuzaki made a quick head movement, then said: 'No. What is the last thing you can remember about… before?'

I instantly knew what he was talking about now. Having a big chunk of my memories back sure was rewarding. I started off in my head back when Kira first appeared and then when we realised that Light and Misa were probably involved. And then… I looked back at L. The memories I hadn't regained seemed all the more important now. I had kissed him, he had kissed me back. Just like before. Only that time it seemed like he knew how to act, what he was doing. How many kisses had been between that first one and the last one? Had we actually been a couple? Did he like me, even a little?

'Olivia?' he asked, using my fake name again now.

I looked up, ripped away from my thoughts. 'What? Oh. Yeah. The last thing I remember is…' I frowned. I remembered the kiss, then I remembered him bringing me to my room. And that was it. My hand went to my mouth like it did sometimes when I thought about kissing L. How could that be the last memory? What happened after?

I looked up, almost afraid, at Ryuzaki and he read the answer from my eyes, it seemed, because he closed his eyes for a second before sticking his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. 'I understand. This is what I'd feared.'

'What do you mean?' I asked, trying to stay calm, but secretly panicking because I now knew that there was a big reason that that part of my memory had not returned. Something big, something that was shouting at me from a distance, but too far away to hear.

'I mean that you are no longer the owner of any Death Note at all.'

* * *

XxX

Near dropped himself on the ground in the small room that he'd assumed was her office. He had not been there before, but he knew she would know where he was soon enough.

And yes, she did know. She was inside her room in an instant, staring at the little boy. There was only one thing in this room that he should not touch. One thing that no one should touch.

But before she could say anything, the kid spoke. 'What does it look like?'

She was completely thrown off by the question. 'Excuse me? What does what look like?' she asked, not caring whether she sounded stupid or not. Everyone always seemed to care about that so damn much, but she really couldn't care less. The more stupid people thought she was, the better.

'The Shinigami, of course,' Near explained. His albino-like hair kind of freaked her out, but right now, those two intense dark eyes were the thing that was scaring her. When she still looked at him with a mixture of confusion and fear, he explained more: 'I read the file. L said that I could, if I wanted to. Though he said that knowing wouldn't change anything. For me.'

'I'm sorry,' she said slowly, unsure why she was actually polite to the boy. 'But I have no idea what you're talking about.'

Near seemed to find that interesting. 'Ah, so you probably aren't the owner of any of the Death Notes. But you do have them in your possession, am I correct?'

This kid, seriously. He really was the stereotypical smart kid that she thought she was going to get. 'You really are one from Whammy's, aren't you? Do you eat cake all the time, too?'

The moment she'd said it, she regretted it. She shouldn't have given that much away. Matt already knew, she knew that, even though she tried not to know. She wasn't if sure _how_ he knew. How could he? She'd barely even talked to him?

This boy clearly hadn't known before I'd said it. Because she could register the exact moment he realised what this meant. He straightened himself a bit, almost as if he was in the presence of royalty, but gave her a childlike grin when he said: 'So, am I supposed to get from this that A is, in fact, not dead?'

* * *

XxX

'What do you mean, Ryuzaki?' I asked, stepping forward a little.

But Ryuzaki was back to ignoring me. He pulled his phone out and presumable called Watari, but he did not need to introduce himself and immediately started talking. 'I need to run some errands, can you bring her back to headquarters?... Yes, I was aware… Hmm, yes… I see. Okay.' He hung up the phone and put it back in his pocket. The one nurse who was still in the room stared openly at him, obviously weirded out by the way he'd held his phone.

I crossed my arms. 'I have the idea that you're dumping me,' I told him, my eyebrows pulled up.

He considered for a while. 'Yes, I am,' he then answered, after which he turned to the nurse. 'Her grandfather will soon be here to sign the release papers, so can you please make sure she has all her things when she leaves?'

He was so good at pretending to be normal. Too bad he only did it once every… year, maybe.

The nurse nodded, but soon fled the room. When it was just me and Ryuzaki, he decided to speak before I had a chance to start complaining like the whiny little brat I apparently had become. 'Watari will be here to pick you up shortly. I will attend to other matters for now, but I reassure you that I will be back to answer your questions later.'

I didn't believe him, but I let him leave, sitting back on the hospital bed to show him that he'd won. He did not say anything as he left, which was another sign that Ryuzaki really did not know how to function like a proper human being.

But then again, at the end of the day, neither did I.

* * *

XxX

Headquarters felt different now that I had more context. And Matsuda felt weirder, too, even though he hadn't changed much. It was just… different. I felt different. Not necessarily a good kind of different, but no necessarily a bad kind, either.

'Where'd Ryuzaki go?' Matsuda asked as I sat across from him at the table. I had no idea what he was doing and even though that normally would've interested me, now I couldn't care less. I had a headache and I was sleepy. So staring at Matsuda being silly was just enough effort.

' _I will attend to other matters for now,_ ' I said, doing my best L-impression. Which wasn't that good, but for a first try, not that bad.

Matsuda chuckled and looked at me, kind of impressed. 'That was quite good actually.'

'Thanks,' was my reply.

There followed a silence and I could see how the silence bothered Matsuda. I didn't find this an awkward silence at all, but he certainly seemed to think so, because he broke it in a few seconds. 'How are you, Olivia?'

'Good,' I replied. A lie, of course, but Matsuda was terrible at spotting a liar, even a terrible one.

'Is Ryuzaki treating you well?' he then asked and that was the moment that I realised that I had the easiest source of information right there. _Matsuda_. He was pretty stupid. He could tell me stuff without even realising he was doing it.

'Why shouldn't he?' I asked.

'Well, ever since he just left you – I-I-I mean us, but you specifically – I kind of felt like he'd have to get on his knees and beg for your forgiveness,' Matsuda explained.

I didn't have context, but this was interesting. 'So you think now he's treating me better than he did before?'

'Well, no, I mean,' Matsuda sputtered. 'I don't know. I'm just saying that I feel like he should. And I wondered whether he was actually doing that or not.'

I wasn't sure what kind of answer would suffice, so I simply said: 'Noted.'

'But I actually think that you should—' Matsuda looked up from his work during those words and stopped when he looked at me. I wondered what he saw, why he suddenly looked so… odd. Almost like he'd seen a ghost.

'Yes?' I pushed when he didn't continue speaking.

He looked away and cleared his throat before he could speak again. Suspicious. 'Well, I mean, you sleep here now, of course, but I think you should… talk to Ryuzaki before you do. I mean, even a guy like Ryuzaki could be dangerous in the same building with a girl like you.'

 _A girl like me?_ 'No,' I said, slightly annoyed. 'He can't be.' There wasn't much Ryuzaki could do. He hit me when he saw fit, but never so hard that I considered it serious abuse, especially since he only did it under incredibly specific circumstances. He'd kissed me, but because I made the first move. Hell, who knew how far Ryuzaki and I had gotten in the big gap that was my memory.

I laughed out loud at the thought of that. L didn't seem like the person who would ever kiss anyway, let alone go further than that.

'What is it?' Matsuda asked, but he asked it in a way that I knew he thought I was laughing at him.

I decided to drive that theory of his home. 'You're funny,' I said, before I stood, stuck my hands in the pockets of my sweater and walked out of the main room. I wasn't even sure what I was looking for really, but sticking with Matsuda wasn't good for my patience.

Which was weird, because Matsuda never annoyed me before. Maybe L's annoyance of him was rubbing off on me.

'Miss Upson,' Watari said as soon as I entered the hallway. He was standing there like a ghost, a friendly smile on his face. I liked Watari, I really did, but I had to admit, sometimes, he was kind of creepy.

'What? Am I not allowed to leave the room or something?' I asked, a bit meaner than I'd expected myself to say it.

'Oh no, that's not it,' Watari said, sounding almost embarrassed now. 'I just wanted to ask you something and it seemed better to do without… company.'

Without Matsuda, he meant. Of course.

'What is it, Watari?' I asked with a small sigh that I hoped he wouldn't notice.

Watari seemed really uncomfortable for a while before he asked what he wanted to ask. 'Ryuzaki… I see him as a member of my family.'

'Obviously,' I said, not sure whether I meant that or not.

'And all I wanted to ask you was…' He stopped, looked at his watched, looked past me into the hallway, then back at me. 'No matter what happened in those lost memories, no matter what will happen to your fast, present or future, I need you to answer this question as truthfully as you can.'

Wow. That sounded serious. 'Shoot,' I said, pulling my eyebrows down in a frown, as if that would give me the question faster.

'Do you…' He hesitated, but then stood straighter as he finally spat the question out. 'Do you love him, Allison Severs?'

* * *

XxX

'I'm sorry,' I asked after what felt like an eternity. 'Do I love whom?'

'Ryuzaki,' Watari immediately replied. 'L. Do you love him?'

'Wha—what's this about?' I asked, not answering the question for now.

'Do you?' Watari pushed.

I shook my head quickly, not as a way to say "no" as an answer to the question, but more to say "no" to this whole situation. 'Hold on. Why would I even tell you that?'

'Because I'm worried that he is sacrificing too much for you. And in the end, you'll leave him, like everyone else does.' He sounded… guilty. As if he had done that, too.

'Hold on,' I repeated. 'I'm sorry, but from my limited memory and knowledge, isn't Ryuzaki usually the one that leaves?'

'Oh, Allison,' Watari said, shaking his head slowly, 'I thought you of all people would understand. It isn't Ryuzaki that leaves the people. It's L that forces Ryuzaki to leave. And if you love him, as I hope you do, you won't let L force you away from Ryuzaki. Please.'

My expression was wiped clear when he said that one word.

'Please stay with him, Allison.'

Something in his tone made me kind of scared. 'Watari… are you alright?'

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. 'If there's one person in this building that will die these coming few days, it's going to be me.'

I frowned, still not sure what he was getting at. 'What do you mean?'

Watari was silent and I know he was thinking whether or not he should tell me this. 'It's very easy, Olivia,' he said, using my fake name again now, 'I am the only one that is no longer useful for any sort of plan. Beyond Birthday hates me, I know that as a fact, and I also know that he will not let me stay for the happy ending.'

My heart started to sink, because I already knew what Watari was going to say next.

Watari adjusted his glasses and looked down at the floor before looking back at me and telling me: 'And he already knows my real name.'

* * *

 **XxX**

 **OH NOOOOOOOO. Don't cry.**

 **And sorry, this chapter was short, but again, things end where I want them to end.**

 **And again, my updating will still be pretty messy. Sorry about that and good luck these last few weeks before Christmas!**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Alice Starlight: Sorry! But I updated. Too late, yes, but I updating. Hihi, I wish I had a Santa hat… Anyway, thank you and groetjes terug! ;) – Sofia**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: It's okay relax I didn't update last week so we're even ;) Thank you! I actually resent the fact that there wasn't more fluff in this chapter, because I'm slowly getting used to writing it. But I agree, too much fluff can be in the way of a good story. And thank you! It's hard sometimes because I need to keep L the way he is, but I also need to turn him into more of a person, I feel like I have to do that in order for romance to work. Thank you so much, I like "Cynthia" and I like Matt. I hope you will like the rest of her story arc as well. For now, I say goodbye and until next chapter, thank you so much for reviewing! Bye bye! – Sofia**

 **AuroraStargazers: Thank you! 50 already… phew, crazy world we live in! And yay to permanent grinning! I feel like I'm continuously going up and down in quality, so it's good to know that you don't agree with that notion :) Haha and you can fangirl to me all you want, I do little else. And expect more grinning in the future ;) Hahahaha, I feel evil but I hope I'm not? Well, anyway, thank you so much for reviewing, I love reading your comments and messages and stuff like that. And yes, I'll try to update the best I can, but Christ, I do have a lot going on right now, so yeah. Kisses and hugs! – Sofia**

* * *

 **XxX**


	52. Don't Want To Go

**Hey hey hey! I'm back! For now! I honest to God don't think I'll be updating next week, busy, busy, busy, busy! But I'll try and update at least once more after this one, so that I can wish you all a Happy New Year before it actually starts. So yeah. That was all I had to say, I can start writing now.**

 ****NEWSFLASH! (not really it's a disclaimer, but still) I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **52\. Don't Want To Go**

She knew that not answering was confirming his words, but she simply didn't have anything to say. She had this coming, after all. This was what happened when you owed Beyond. You just… did what he said until you made a mistake. And then you die.

She sighed. She was discovered now, it was no use. L hadn't found them yet, at least, not that Beyond had informed her, so letting them go now would certainly make Beyond angry. But what could he do, from wherever he was? She had the Death Notes, didn't she? Were there more than this? What could he do if she left now and hid away from him? She could move to a different country, change her name. He would be too busy running after L. Right?

'Listen, kid,' she then said and she saw the boy's eyes widen at the words. 'I have had a pretty rough couple of months. Take the notebooks, and your friends. And leave. I will not help you get back to wherever it is you want to go.' She breathed in sharply and then sighed as if she was blowing all her life out of her. 'But I won't keep you guys here, either. I'm done. Just… done.' She quickly stepped to her desk and almost threw the notebooks at the boy, who was still looking at her with widen eyes.

She just sat down in her chair, sighed again and finally accepted the fact that she majorly screwed up. Because she was not Beyond, because she was not L. She would never have been able to become L. She didn't have the strength for that. 'Well, what are you waiting for?' she asked when the boy still seemed refusing to move. 'Shouldn't you be going off saving your… companions?' She knew that they were not his friends. Not really. 'Like a proper successor?'

For a second he pulled a face that suddenly made him actually look like his actual age. It made her smile, even though she tried not to. She was too human, in a way. That was a weakness, at least, as far as this situation was concerned. Humanity is all she had, in the end. That was the only thing she wanted to keep.

'Thank you,' the boy said before leaving her office, arrogant enough to not ask her for any keys. She had to give it to him; that boy had enough strength to succeed L.

She just did not understand why he would want to.

* * *

XxX

'Come with us.'

She looked up from her desk and stared at the boy in her doorway. Not the small one, not the angry one. Matt. She should've known. She had known, if she'd thought about it. 'What?' she asked. Not because she hadn't heard him, but because she was hoping he would elaborate. His words did not make any sense to her.

'Come with us,' he repeated. 'We could help you.'

She pulled an eyebrow up and crossed her arms. 'Help me?' she said cynically. 'I kidnapped you!' She said those words, but in her head, his words were repeating. _He wanted to help her?_

'I'm not stupid,' he said, 'I know that you're not doing this because you want to. So, let us help you. He can't get to you if we protect you.'

'Or he'll simply kill us all,' she said, but regretted it instantly. She hadn't been planning on giving away that he was right.

'He won't,' he answered while shaking his head. Sometimes, just sometimes, she thought she could see who he used to be. But mostly, he just seemed like a beaten up, stray kitten to her. One that she had no right to take care of.

She dug her nails into her shirts, so hard that she could feel them against her skin. 'Let me ask you a question, Matt,' she said and she couldn't help but notice that he shivered when she said his name. 'If you had to choose between me or that Olivia girl, who would you pick?'

He froze, was silent. He didn't understand where this question came from, she could tell. She watched his expression careful as he put together – of tried to put together – what it was that she wanted to hear. 'You think… you don't think that I am… interested in her, do you?'

'No,' she answered almost immediately, 'but I do believe L is interested in her. And I also believe that you – all three of you – would prioritise L above yourself, which makes me _loathe_ every single one of you.' She inspected her nails to make her lie seem less obvious. 'So no, I won't be going with you. That's almost like kidnapping me.'

'You're not a kid,' he said, a smile in his voice.

She looked up from her nails. 'Neither are you.'

There followed a moment in which they just stared at each other. And she wasn't a social disaster like most people associated with Wammy's House where, but staring at him like this made her realise that she had no idea how to properly get rid of a young man.

She sighed, had to look away. 'Why do you want me to come with you, Matt?' she asked, now knowing that it wasn't about her safety.

'I—' he begun, then stopped. She looked up to see the expression on his face, one that gave away way too much. He would not be the successor if he kept that up.

'Sweetheart,' she said cynically, 'don't go there. No.'

He didn't look hurt by her words, like she'd intended. He almost looked annoyed. 'You talk to me as if you think that I am stupid but I'm not. There's a girl back in the orphanage. And… well, she likes me. I know she does. I mean, I ignore it, but that doesn't mean I don't notice. I do notice. I noticed her. I noticed… you.'

Oh _god_ , he was actually going there. She breathed in sharply. 'And? What did you expect? Well, now that I know you know, I can come with you and everything's okay. Rainbows and butterflies. _Tra la la_.' She rolled her eyes. 'Feeling don't matter in this line of work, sweetheart. Now get out. Before I really change my mind.'

Silence. Chilling and terrible. Then he suddenly stepped forward. And it shook her so much that she shot out of the chair. 'No. I won't. Because I know how this will end. You will have to run and hide and he will find you. And kill you, if that's even the worst case scenario. I don't care what Matt and Near think. I don't care what _you_ think. But for now, I _will_ protect you.'

She breathed in sharply again, but now it sounded way more hysterical. 'Why? Because I am being blackmailed into being Kira? Because I might have fallen for you?'

'No, don't be ridiculous,' he answered, so quickly that her eyebrows shot up. 'The answer is easy. You want me to choose between you and Olivia?' he asked, his face looking so sane right now, as if he understood everything, could do everything. He had never seemed more powerful than that exact moment. 'Fine, I chose you. And I will do that for as long as you let me. So, _please._ Pleas. Come with us. We can help you.'

She couldn't help but stare at him, at loss of words. She was older than him. Not much, but still a considerable amount of years. He didn't really know her, this was the first time he had gotten a good look at her face. But he wanted to protect her. For some reason, he wanted to help her, without blackmail, without expecting anything in return. As if he was surrendering. Something else a successor should never do. Her heart dropped and she fought a vague smile that was trying to find a way to her face.

When her answer came, it was softer than a whisper, so soft that she wasn't even sure if he could hear her. '…Okay.'

* * *

XxX

'You look like you've just seen a ghost!' Matsuda said, which showed that his choice of words was always so incredible unfortunate.

'And you look like you've spilled coffee on your shirt,' I said as I sat down on the couch, on unfinished game of chess on the table in front of me. I moved one piece, just to see if L would notice when he got back. I knew he would, but I wanted to confirm it for myself.

I'd kissed him, here. So much happened after, so much that was unknown to me. I frowned and looked back at Matsuda. 'Hey Matsu,' I said, trying to sound as friendly as I could, though it came out extremely awkward.

He shot up as if I'd startled him. 'Yes?'

'Come here,' I patted the space besides me. 'I want to ask you something.'

As stupid as people sometimes thought Matsuda was, he was smart enough to be suspicious of me as he walked over to the couch and sat down a considerable amount of space away from me. 'What is it?' he asked carefully, clearly still suspected me.

'Tell me about it,' I asked, leaning forward to add importance to my words. 'Tell me every single details about the Kira case and everything you remember.'

He looked at me as if I'd just grown horns. 'What?'

I simply smiled. 'Will you do that for me?'

* * *

XxX

'Mello, where are you going, we can't just—'

'Well, we can't also stay here, can we? We'll steal something, or something like that, what else can we do? It's not like you have your passpo—'

Mello stopped talking when Near showed Mello his passport, that he'd kept hidden. He put it in the pocket of his jeans before continuing talking. 'Look, you can't just run off and rob a bank, hoping that that will solve everything. We need a plan. We need to contact L.'

'No!' Mello spat. 'Matt _begged_ me not to. He begged me, Near! Matt never asks me to do anything! Never! You might not have any friends, so you don't know what this feels like, but if he does not want me to contact L, I will not. And besides… we can do this on our own!'

Near pulled an incredibly sour face and Mello knew that if he could not convince that kid _right now_ that he would contact L on his own. But Mello wasn't going to risk that. Matt had a good reason to ask that of him. After everything Matt had done for him, without asking questions, without (much) complaining, couldn't he do something for him once?

He stared at the boy, knowing that the prick had power over him now.

It freaking pissed him off.

But he did it anyway. He looked at the boy and, for once, talked to him like an equal. Even though he hated the fact that he was – in fact – his equal. 'Look, Near,' he said as calming as he could, already completely annoyed. 'I know that you think you know best, but that girl? She let us go, even though that did not benefit her in the slightest. She _helped_ us. Don't you think we should help her?'

'She's A,' Near replied.

Mello was silent for a while. Then he frowned. 'Excuse you?'

Near sighed. 'She's A, Mello. One of L's first possible successors. Remember, the one that died?'

'No,' Mello replied, stepping back. 'She can't be. A died.'

Near shook his head. 'Not, apparently. I believe that Beyond Birthday helped her fake her own death so that she could leave the orphanage without problems. No one was going to force her to keep secrets, no one was going to force her to stay.'

All the puzzle pieces had already fallen to place in Mello's mind. 'So the reason she doesn't want L to be informed, is not because she think he will prosecute her…'

'…but because he actually personally knows her,' Near finished. 'Exactly. Such a person… do you really want to protect her?'

This was what Near did. He got into your head. Like super glue. Like a really annoying piece of gum. But Mello was strong enough to pry Near's influence out of his brain. 'That's not for me to judge. I want to help Matt and if he wants to help her, so be it. Go inform L if you want to, I will not stop you. But don't think you will be a great successor when you have literally no one on your side.' Mello turned around after that and walked back into the motel. He had been screaming to Near in the parking lot of the place, but it had hardly seemed like a dangerous thing to do. No one here cared about their problems, their backgrounds. Most people here might not even know who L was.

Good for them.

* * *

XxX

Getting herself a separate room wasn't really a big deal, especially since she was paying for the goddamn rooms. She had had a job, it had paid enough, not an awful lot, but she could've afforded a better place if she'd wanted to. She did not want to.

When someone knocked on the door, she knew who it was. She thought about not answering for a while, but then got up with a sigh and walked towards the door, opening it. 'What do you want?' she asked Matt.

He handed her her wallet back. He was wearing different clothes now, better ones. A sweater and pants that fitted him better. His shoes were the same, but that was also better. 'Thank you,' he said as she grabbed it.

'No problem,' was her genuine reaction. After all, this had been her fault.

Matt smiled softly and it warmed her heart in a way it should not. 'That's the first genuine response I've gotten from you today.'

'No it's not,' she said, without thinking about the actual truth of the statement.

He smiled at her again. Then he suddenly asked her: 'How old are you?'

She looked at him, shocked. 'Why?' she asked, not sure where he was going with this question.

He licked his lips. She hated herself for noticing that. 'Well, okay, then I ask another question. Can I come in?'

No. _Yes._ 'You shouldn't,' she said, licking her lips as well. 'But you can.'

She stepped inside the room to let him in and he closed the door behind him. She felt awkward just standing there, so she sat down on the bed, hoping that that would somehow make it better.

It did, in fact, not.

'So, I was thinking,' Matt started.

'Not an odd way to pass a time for a detective,' she replied as seriously as she could.

He looked at her as if he wanted to laugh but couldn't. She wanted to laugh, but did not allow herself to. 'I was thinking,' he repeated, 'that after we've caught Beyond, we could leave. Together.'

She was almost completely sure that he hadn't thought this through at all. 'And then?' she asked, sounding cynical again.

'And then we can do whatever it is you want to do,' he explained. 'I might not look like it, but I'm not poor, you know? I mean, I don't have my wallet here, but at home, I can— Well, you know. I used to hack into things to earn money. And program certain things. I was trained and I'm quite good at it, so—'

'What is it you're trying to tell me, Matt?' she asked when she noticed he was starting to ramble. Rambling was one of the most noticeable side effects of what Beyond had done to him. That and the way his head moved sometimes, as if he was being pulled by something. It was kind of unnerving to watch.

He had been walking through the room until that point and now stopped and looked at her. 'What was it again?' he asked her, as if she would know.

She sighed. He really did not some professional help someday. But like this, Wammy would let him leave. He was no use as a successor for L like this. 'I don't know, Matt,' she answered and he looked like a lost child.

He came to her then, sitting beside her on the bed, Which was a terrible decision, because now she wasn't able to think straight. She'd never sat on a bed with a man before. Which sounded awful, considering that she was already twenty-one. Considering that she had been free for years now. Considering that she should know better.

She knew he was watching her, but she wasn't sure what would happened if she looked back, so she did not. Instead she faced forward, wondering what would happen now.

He grabbed her hand suddenly, almost as if he hadn't meant to do that. But he did. And he held it like it was something precious. 'Cynthia,' he said and she heard it in his voice that he hated the fact that he did not know her real name, 'are you incapable of doing something dangerous?'

'Incapable? Matt, I fakes my own death!' she said, but she found she said it in a joking kind of way. This was getting close to flirting. She wasn't sure how she felt about that.

'Yeah. I know,' he said, giving her a little push. Then – with a sigh – he stood. She felt something resembling disappointment. 'I will get back to the room now.'

But he hadn't even said why it was that he came.

He was almost at the door when she decided to voice that thought. 'Why did you come here, then?'

Smiling, he turned around to face her. 'I was thinking of something dangerous, but I decided that you wouldn't like it, so I'm going back.'

Her jaw almost dropped. Fear of danger? Yes, probably. But maybe this was the kind of danger she needed. She stood, too, and walked forward, until he was so close she had to look up to look him in the eye. 'Do it,' she dared him.

He did not disappoint her.

He grabbed her face and pulled her towards him until their lips met. She was quite sure that he didn't have much more experience than she had, but there was no hesitation in his movement as he moved one hand to the back of her head and the other one around her waist, only so he could pull her closer.

Her fingers ended up at her sides, not sure what to do with them, until he kissed her mouth open and she forgot to worry about her hands. Then they naturally slipped to his shoulders, where they rested, just content with touching him.

Her breath was starting to quicken and she felt his heart beating under her hands, but the small voice that told her they needed to stop was easy to ignore. That was, until someone knocked on the door. 'Matt!' Mello shouted. 'Near won't listen to me! Can you come?'

When Matt pulled away from her, she leaned in a bit, almost reaching for him again, but then she stood straight, composed herself.

'Coming!' Matt shouted back, but he was staring – and smiling – down at her. He kissed her once again, quick and short, before turning around and leaving the room – and her.

She stumbled back until she sat on the bed again and brought one hand to her lips. She'd been kissed by a madman.

What a time to be alive.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **AND THE END. OF THIS CHAPTER. Almost no Allison today and no L whatsoever WHAT. Yeah. The Matt/A stuff kind of took longer than I thought it would, so we'll just have to wait until next chapter to see what L has been doing. Anyway. Hope you guys liked it, I'll wish you guys a Merry Christmas right now, because I probably won't be able to update next week! Bye bye and Merry Christmas!**

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 **XxX**

 **BabySealLover: Sorry! And not really any resolution to that cliffhanger, either. Not this chapter, anyway. Sorry about that!**

 **InsaneUnicornCupcake: Not just you, I like writing crazy Matt xD He is much more unpredictable.**

 **bored411: Yeah, I feel sorry for Watari often. But I also kind of blame him, he's kind of messing up this orphans by what he's doing, don't you think? Doesn't mean he deserves to die, though, hell no. Anyway, thank you and see? I updated! ;)**

 **Nadine (guest): Welcome back ;D And yes, I do have a lot to do. I'm crazy for saying yes to every single Christmas activity in the neighbourhood… but it's just the way it is. And writing a review in a train is not weird at all. Maybe it's easier to follow your train of thought. (okay, bad pun. I'll stop) And autocorrect can be tricky, I know! My phone sometimes changed English words into the weirdest Dutch words… And about that, I'm Dutch, so I'm from the Netherlands! I live in Amsterdam, actually. Well, almost. I live right outside Amsterdam. And it wasn't bad at all, if I can understand it, it's good. That what I think, anyway. Greetings and until next time! – Sofia**

 **Kati (guest): Wow thank you! I don't think I would be able to read 51 in just two days, that's like, amazing. And I hate it when other people don't finish their fanfics, so I strive to complete every single story I start. And thank you so much! Not much of Olivia and L in this chapter, but that will come. Merry Christmas!**

 **EmeraldHeart1203: Yes, so many stuff's going on right now, it's almost hard to keep track of it all xD. But yes, BB being absent was intentional, good to know that it's unnerving, because he's supposed to be. We'll have to wait and see to find out what it is he's doing… *insert evil laugh here***

 **stydia kisses:** **: Thank you so much! It's awesome to know that people enjoy my story! Hehehe. *smiled shyly but happily***

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	53. Some Distance is Required

**HAPPY NEW YEAR LOVELIES SORRY FOR BEING GONE SO LONG MY LIFE WAS ONE HELL OF A ROLLERCOASTER. But I think I can breathe a bit more easily now, so here I am writing again. I hadn't planned on not updating before the new year, actually, I was quite sure I would be able to update to wish you all a happy new year. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Um. Not the case. Because family and church and things and stuff and Jesus Christ, I couldn't have been more busy. And to top that all off, a friend had to bring her cats to me because she had no one else to babysit, so now I have two cats and I don't even know what to do with them. Lucky for me, I have the internet, so they'll hopefully be alive when she comes and picks them up again.**

 **Anyway, talking for too long, let's get this chapter started!**

 ****NEWSFLASH! (not really it's a disclaimer, but still) I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

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 **XxX**

 **53\. Some Distance is Required.**

Ryuzaki had the habit of staring at the ground while walking. A terribly inconvenient habit to have, you see significantly less when your head is facing downwards. But sometimes, seeing less is an advantage. Other times, seeing less it simply easier.

' _You know, if I wanted to talk to you right now_ , _you would notice_ ,' the voice said, already preparing himself to leave.

Ryuzaki simply sighed. He wasn't supposed to do this sort of stuff, but for now he felt like he had to. 'You cheated.'

The smile on the other man's face disappeared, but Ryuzaki was staring at the bottom of the screen and didn't see. ' _I did not._ '

'You gave me impossible tasks,' Ryuzaki said. He always sounded so calm. But then again, he was always calm. What good would stress, anger, sadness do? He tried not to feel such emotions, ever.

A short silence, a smug smile. ' _I never said you had to agree to do them. That was your idea._ '

'You _knew_ I would have to kill you to give her her memories back, so you can never not win your own challenge. If I win, you win even more so. Despicable.' _Clever,_ Ryuzaki thought.

Now he sounded even more amused, happy almost. As if he was reliving something very, very pleasant. ' _Ah yes, her memories. Hmmm. I like them. I like her, as well. Quite a lot. Especially her screaming…_ '

Finally Ryuzaki looked up and saw him, the exact copy of him. The embodiment of his mistakes. Not this time. Almost, _almost_ he snapped, but he didn't want to give Beyond Birthday that pleasure. 'So that's it, then. You want to die so badly that you made it even more tempting than it was before.'

' _Oh, yes_ ,' Beyond Birthday replied. ' _Because I know that's the last thing on earth you want to do, isn't it? Even just letting me die was too much for you. And the only will stronger than your will to keep me alive… is your will to keep Allison Severs unharmed and safe, is it not?_ '

Ryuzaki then decided that this had not been worth it. Beyond Birthday was just enjoying himself at this point and Ryuzaki refused to give him this amount of satisfaction. 'You did not want to talk to me, did you? So you can leave now.' He made a wavy hand movement.

' _Oh, I will. For now. Bye, L._ '

The screen went dark.

Ryuzaki sighed and took a lollipop out of his pocket. He needed more sugar if he was going to solve this problem the way he wanted to.

* * *

XxX

'What is it?'

I walked into Watari's office without answered the question. His workplace was a bit hidden away for some reason, the last room in a corridor, close to the entrance, yes, but in a corridor no one would ever really look.

I said on the ground, since Watari was sitting on the only chair, and stared at the screens that didn't tell me much. No matter how hard Matsuda had tried, I still hadn't a perfect imagine of everything that had happened.

Watari let me sit there in silence. Maybe he hoped I would leave if he did that, maybe he had nothing interesting to say.

Light was Kira. Had been Kira? No, Light _was_ Kira. And now he was dead. He died trying to kill me. _Me._ I couldn't believe I had forgotten that. I couldn't believe any of this. When Matsuda told me about the memory loss regarding the Death Note, I immediately knew what that meant for me. But then Matsuda wasn't exactly sure why I had been an owner of any of the Death Notes in the first place (he said he forgot, but I think he just never really understood), so that wasn't helping. But the thing that bothered me the most right now was that L had left me.

Matsuda was sure of that. Absolutely, one hundred percent, sure. He had gone away without me. Hadn't cared at all.

So yes, I was wrong. L didn't fancy me. We weren't a couple. L had left as soon as the case was solved and for some reason, I became entangled in the web again. Who knows why. I might have followed him, though I couldn't believe I would ever be that desperate.

So, what was the alternative? Matsuda didn't know. So maybe L had come to me after a while, after a few months. But I had quit the police force and moved, so finding me wasn't easy. Well, maybe for L it was, but for a normal person, not so much. Still, that seemed unbelievable to me somehow. L letting anyway come that close.

' _Alarm, intruder, alarm, intruder, alarm intruder!_ ' the female computer voice sudden announced and I shot up.

'What's going on?' I asked Watari, confused when he did not look scared or alarmed at all. He looked… _happy_. What the hell was going on?

'It's the doorbell,' he told me and I rolled my eyes. Of course. I forgot how much of a drama queen L was sometimes. Watari pointed to the cameras that showed us who was in front of the door. A boy. Small. White hair. Somewhere, somehow, I knew him.

'Near,' I whispered, no idea what I meant by it. What was near? The end? I hoped not. But then again, I wasn't psychic or anything like that, so I wasn't really worried about that.

Watari pushed a button then and talked into the microphone installed in front of the screens in his office. 'Near!' he said, which made me frown. Was it… could it be… the boy's name? 'You're here! You made it! Where… where are the others?'

Near looked directly at the camera I had been looking at and in his eyes I saw something I recognised. Something… L-like. The boy's awful posture also looked kind of L-like. And I knew right then and there that I had known this boy once. He was hidden somewhere in my lost memories.

After starting into the lens of the camera for a while, he finally opened his mouth. 'They're having a fight, sir.'

* * *

XxX

'Matt, seriously, you have to come with me!'

'No, I don't!'

'Why? For _her?!_ You don't even know her! Are you out of your mind?! It's not like she can't handle herself.'

'He is right, you know,' she tried to say.

'Shut up!' the two boys said at the same time.

'She _can't_ come with us to L. We don't know him well enough! Who knows what he'll do to her! He will take away her freedom, Mello! And she won't let that happen! _I_ won't let that happen!'

'Oh, pull yourself together, you idiot,' Mello said, rolling his eyes. 'You barely know her. And it's L we're talking about. She's really not on his list of things right now. For all he knows, A is dead. Maybe he won't even recognise her!'

Now she rolled her eyes. 'Are you really that stupid? Of course he will!'

'Fine then! But I think he'll let it slide for now!' Mello shouted back.

'How do you know that?' Matt asked. 'You don't know him!'

'And you don't know her!'

She sighed, putting a hand over her forehead. This was going to be a very, very long day.

* * *

XxX

The boy – Near – was taken to a room by Watari, which meant that I was in his office alone. When the door finally opened again, I had no reason to assume it was anyone other than Watari. 'So, who is—' I started as I turned around, but I stopped when I saw that it was – in fact – not Watari.

'So, who is… who?' he asked me, clearly bothered by the unfinished sentence.

I decided not to answer, instead I looked at his face. _Properly_ looked, for the first time in… well, it felt like ages, but it might not be. Maybe I had stared at him in my lost memories, too.

I could see it in his eyes when he noticed that I wasn't going to answer. I could ever see the exact moment he made the decision to just let me stare. He stared back, not with as much interest, but with an expression I couldn't comprehend. He didn't look interested, but he also didn't look bored. As if he was looking at a chair that had been there for ages and he knew it was there, but now he took the time to look at it.

'Near is here,' I decided to say then, carefully looking at his expression.

It did not change. 'I was informed, yes.'

Dammit, Watari. Why was that man so goddamn perfect at his job?

Another long stare. Then I opened my mouth again, but regretted the question I asked, simply because I did not want to know the answer. 'Did you leave after Light died?'

This time, his face changed. Only a little. The deep dark pools that were his eyes seemed to close, as if the endless darkness now that an end, simply because he did not want to show what was beyond that. He gave no answer with words, but that was more than enough. He had done it. But there just might be a part of him that was regretting that decision.

Probably because he secretly blamed himself for what happened to me.

The idiot.

I stood, kept observing him while doing so. 'Can I ask you a question?'

He thought about that for a second. 'Will you refrain from asking the question if I give a negative answer to that question?'

'No,' I honestly replied.

He sighed, but I saw the beginning of a smile on his face. It wasn't genuine enough to come all the way through, though. 'Then ask your question.'

Now there were two things I could do. Just ask the freaking question I _wanted_ to ask, or keep it simple, keep it easy. Both seemed tempting, but I wasn't sure if I could live with the simple solution any longer. Not like this. Not when his very presence in a room confused me and my heart was trying to fly out of my chest, as if it had anywhere to go.

'L,' I asked, using his more famous alias because that felt like the right thing to do. 'Are you in—' No, those words were strong. _Too_ strong. I didn't want to voice those feelings. Yet. 'L,' I tried again, with a bit more (but not much more) confidence this time. 'Do you _like_ me?'

* * *

XxX

'Why come to me?' the dark Shinigami asked.

'Because you were there, you moron,' she bit back, pushing a strand of dark hear behind her bone-like ear. She had only one ear, on the right side of her face. She liked to push her hair behind it, to show it off. Not many Shinigami had ears like she had. Well, she had _one_ ear, but it still counted. And her ear looked… _human._ It kind of freaked her out sometimes, but usually, she found it cool. She always thought she was the closest thing to a human the other world had.

'Rem's eyes. I looked for them, they weren't there. Shinigami eyes are the only thing that remains after a Shinigami turns to dust. You were there, so you must know what happened to it.' The eyes of a Shinigami were not like what you'd think. They weren't actual eyes, they were a gift. A power. When a Shinigami disappeared, all that remained was the dust and a solid red flame that – if handled correctly – could give the new owner Shinigami eyes. They weren't something to just keep lying around.

The dark Shinigami smile became even wider. He was almost always smiling, the jerk, but now he smiled that smile that told her that he was finding this highly amusing. 'And suppose I did see where it went, you want me to tell you that?'

'Yes,' she answered. 'There's no other solution. My Death Note stays with me. The King will murder me if I drop it now.'

'I agree with that notion,' he answered and it was clear that he liked the idea of the King ridding the world of her.

She shivered. What a very human thing to do. 'Where are Rem's eyes, Ryuk?' she asked, now trying to threaten him. She was younger, yes, but he was an idiot. She bet she could take him on easily.

Ryuk stared back at her, almost as if he'd read her mind and agreed with her thoughts. Because then he said: 'The pale guy took it.'

Someone took them? And not Ryuk? That could be a problem. Especially considering that they could not see her and if they hid the eyes well, she would have no way of figuring out how to get them. Unless she stalked the person until they let her to it, but that could take forever and the King would notice something was going on if she just disappeared from the other world out of nowhere. If the girl had the eyes, he couldn't take them away. But if they were somewhere, not used, but hidden, he could take them no problem. And she wouldn't be able to help out at all. 'Don't play the pronoun game with me, Ryuk,' she said, sounding more hasty now that she'd realised how much there was at stake. 'Who took them?'

He looked at her, join shining in his eyes. 'L did.'

* * *

XxX

'Of course I like you,' Ryuzaki replied, in something that sounded so professional that I wanted to stab him right then and there. Or kiss him. I hadn't decided yet.

I got out of Watari's chair. 'No,' I said, shaking my head. 'Not like _that_. You must know what I mean Ryuzaki.' He didn't pull away when I put my hand on his chest. My breathing became more erratic, but it wasn't so bad that it was embarrassing. Yet, anyway. 'Don't you?' I looked at him, even though I was so scared to look at his face that I almost want to cry. I didn't cry, though, for a change. I just looked at him.

I felt his fingers touching the hand that was on his chest and for a short while I thought he would take my hand in his, but then he gently put it back down my side. 'I must admit that I do understand the concept of the conversation topic,' Ryuzaki said, using more words than necessary, presumable because he liked the sound of his own voice a tiny bit too much. 'But I also have to admit that I do not think this is the correct time to have this type of conversation.'

Another change, I didn't just go with his wishes for once. 'When then?' I asked, not letting him get out of this one as easily as he usually got out of any sort of conversation with me.

Sadly enough, it didn't work. And he just petted my head before saying: 'Later.' And then he turned around and walked away from me. Again.

XxX

Near gave Watari the name of the motel the other three were staying at with ease. He didn't tell them that A was with Mello and Matt, though, since they did not directly ask. Near found that in these kind of situation, it was best to only tell what was asked, and nothing more. Mello would be mad at him, he knew that, but well, Mello was mad _most_ of the time, so that did not make any difference. Matt would be disappointed, but not mad. His sentiment always got the better of him. It's what saved them in the end. If A hadn't developed some kind of childish interest in Matt, she would never have sympathised enough to let them go. So he should thank human feeling in this situation, probably. He did not really want to, though. Most feelings were a weakness. If Beyond Birthday ever found her, he would kill her for her betrayal. That's what sentiment had brought her.

Near never said any of these things out loud and tried to think them only when he could not help himself. Not because he didn't agree with his thoughts, but because no one asked to hear those things. Neither did he. He only ever wanted to hear something else than the sound of screaming children and whining adult. Other sounds than machines and life. More interesting sounds.

L once told the children at Wammy's House that people who study, eat and seek friendships while not having any interest in any of those things, are monsters. But what about the people that did not study, only ate when necessary and never sought friendships, because it never interested them? Were they monsters, too? Or was that what made a true detective without flaws? Without complications?

Without Olivia Upsons?

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 **XxX**

 **And done! I feel like this chapter is shorter. Is it shorter? I don't know. Writing through Near's point of view was scary, though, but I hope I did not totally fail. Anyway, I will reply to your reviews now and then sleep. Because I need sleep, yes. Also, um… I don't know how to tell you guys this… I know I have been gone for long, but January is also a really nasty month for me this year, so if there isn't an update next week, sorry. I'll try harder to update though. These days I gave priority to sleeping and watching movies, which wasn't necessary a bad decision, but not such a good one either. Anyway. Talk to you later, fireworks, see you soon!**

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 **XxX**

 **InsaneUnicornCupcake: Ah thank you! And I actually had been planning on getting inside Near's head, but he was even harder than I'd expected, so maybe I won't write from his POV as much as had been the plan initially. And some parts that we didn't get to see will be addressed, Near and Mello being locked up together did change the dynamic and Matt will have to get some major therapy sessions, so that will play a part. And I'm more flattered by that remark than I can say. "The Greatest Piece of Literature Ever". Wow. Jesus Christ. I think I have to sit down and process that for a while… HAHAHA OMG the Near pun at the end. You are amazing. Until next time! :D**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: Thanks, darling! :D I like to write the Matt/A parts a lot, especially since she is so similar to me (only, like, a million times cleverer, more clever? Cleverer? Cleverer sounds smarter, going with that). And I never actually planned to do so many POV's, but when I started, I couldn't stop and now it has become a vital part of the story and everything that'll happen. Great to hear that you enjoyed it and talk to you later! :)**

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	54. Pretend You Don't Know

**Hey hey hey! Back again, thankfully, but with a message. Next week, I won't update, I'm just too busy then, with various test and family parties and stuff like that and the week after that is actually my birthday, so I really don't know if I update then. But, definitely no update next week, but I'll try to update as soon as I can. Hope this isn't too disappointing, enjoy this chapter!**

 ****SURPRISE! (not really it's a disclaimer, but still) I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

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 **XxX**

 **54\. Pretend You Don't Know**

There was a vault. Not anywhere here, but on L's secret floor. The one under the ground of the headquarters. It was right there that he kept it, that thing he found.

He remembered it well. The black Shinigami laughing as if nothing matters, Allison on the ground, the bruises already visible on her neck. And a pile of dust, with a gleaming thing grabbing his attention.

It kind of looked like a stone. It wasn't that, of course, he knew that much. It looked like a wicked flame was frozen in time and touchable, cold. The red flame was cold, always and seemed like something he couldn't quite explain. Something… new. Something odd. Something he would keep safe. Whatever it was, it was somehow related to the Death Note. And he knew all too well what the consequences of the Death Notes were.

Near didn't, of course. Not that it mattered. Near had always been surprisingly obedient. To L, then. Not to anyone else. L knew that much, even when Roger said that he was a sweet kid. L always saw Near behind the expressionless face. He always saw that boy that thought he knew better. _Believed_ he knew better.

'We were staying in this hotel,' Near gave L a business card, stolen from the reception of the hotel, or perhaps given when asked. 'I wanted to go immediately, but Matt and Mello did not agree. So I snuck out and went on my own.'

'How did you know where to find us?' L asked the boy.

He shrugged. 'You wouldn't stay in town, or any of the hotels, not if you could avoid it and at the police station where _she_ used to work, I heard someone on the phone talking about a headquarters. Took me about one hour to find out where exactly this headquarters were.'

One hour, interesting. Not as fast as L would've predicted. But then again, Near had been kidnapped, who knew in what state the boy was really in.

'And how did you escape?' L then asked.

The mask of the boy locked in place, although L was unsure why. It was like he had two masks. The one which allowed moved, which allowed a glimpse of a person to shine through. And then you had this one. Like a gigantic wall around him protecting him. L wasn't sure if he should be proud or angry whenever he saw that mask, but he usually just felt… empty. And maybe a little bit sad.

'We didn't escape,' Near finally answered and L's eyes narrowed. Was Beyond following them? Did he know where they were now?

No, that did not make any sense. He probably already knew exactly where L was. He always did.

'Can you clarify that statement?' L asked.

Near locked eyes in a way that made normal people often uncomfortable. He didn't just look at you. It was like he threw fish hooks at you and they locked in your eyes, pulling you in the deep water of his eyes. L never had this, but he could easily imagine it. After all, his eyes were similar in that way. 'Our captor let us escape.'

Now this was new information. L found himself leaning into the conversation. 'Who was your captor?' He asked, as if he did not know the answer.

The truth was, he really did not know. When Near looked at him and uttered the word, L was utterly surprised. 'A.'

* * *

XxX

'I think you're supposed to hit that butt— Oh. Never mind.'

Matsuda walked away from the screen I was using, as if he just now remembered which of us had spent most of their career behind a screen.

I was looking through the files. They kept track of all the criminals that had been dying, of course, but nothing really useful. That was probably all of L's computer, or maybe Watari's?

I remembered hacking into the system of L's network long ago, but now that I tried again, I found myself unable to. So, how did I do that, back then? Was I crazy for assuming that I had? Had he actually let me in?

'Don't be upset, I didn't really let you in,' a voice from behind me said.

I turned my chair around and saw Ryuzaki standing there, in the doorframe of the main room, a big room of space between him and me. He started to walk towards me, but only after putting his hands in his pockets. 'You were skilled with computers, I heard from the chief and I read your file, knew your profile. I guessed that you would at least try. So I enabled a small part of my hard drive, nothing important, to be hacked into. But still, to hack into that, you had to have great skill. And then you were in the program and you started… working. You weren't snooping around, you actually hacked with a plan in mind.' He shook his head, as if he tried to get rid of an idea in his head. 'It was… intriguing.'

'Who was that boy, Ryuzaki?' I asked, ignoring Matsuda's presence as Ryuzaki was doing, too. Matsuda never sat behind the gigantic desk full of screens, he always took place at the table. Perhaps he felt awkward, perhaps he just did not want to be near me.

'Near,' he explained. Nothing more.

'I got that much.'

He didn't seem surprised by my answer, but he did smile, as if he liked my answer. Seriously, this man was getting more and more confusing by the day.

I hit him. Not hard, but just a bit. I hadn't done that for a long time. It felt… weird. It felt like we were younger, suddenly, without the world around us. Like we'd only just met. Like there was no history here. Yeah. Right.

We both looked at each other like we wanted to say something, but then, he looked away with a sigh, almost sounding annoyed, and then back at me with a totally different expression. 'Listen, he wants to see you, anyway, so I think it's best if he introduces himself. If you agree, that is.'

Well, since when did Ryuzaki ever care whether I agreed or not? I looked at him, confused, surprised. Also annoyed. He should've started asking me my opinion ages ago.

'I will meet him,' I said.

'No,' Ryuzaki then replied, confusing me. Didn't he just say so? But then he continued. 'You will watch over him. For a while. I will fetch the others.'

'Others?' I asked and immediately regretted it. Others, like Near. Others, like L.

'Yes,' he said with a smile, then gave me a pat on the head, like he did before. What was that about?

I waited for Ryuzaki to leave, then asked Matsuda: 'do you ever pat girls on the head, Matsu?'

Instant blush and of course a very confused look. 'What? No I don't, what girl, I mean, I never—'

I tried to not roll my eyes, and I succeeded, for a change. 'I'm not asking you to tell me your romantic history, am I? I'm just asking you whether that it something you do.' I narrowed my eyes after I clarified, ready to spot his reaction.

His reaction surprised me. He seemed to actually understand more than I did at the moment. 'Ooh, it's about _that_ isn't it? Yeah, Ryuzaki already asked me about that.'

'About what?' I asked, now seriously confused.

'On the phone,' Matsuda replied, completely confused again. 'He asked me how he could praise and comfort someone without, you know, being a douche.'

I narrowed my eyes even more. 'What? Sorry, again, his exact words.'

'As if I remember!' Matsuda said, suddenly stressed. 'It was just… he said that I was better at the social thing than the thinking thing, which I thought was a bit mean, but anyway, he said that and asked what I would do if I wanted to comfort a person I wasn't comfortable with touching.'

Wasn't comfortable with touching? What did that mean?

I didn't say anything, waiting for Matsuda to continue.

Matsuda slowly seemed to sink in his chair. 'And I said that I wasn't sure what he meant and he said that I should that on my name tag, so people know who they're dealing with and then I said that he could just verbally comfort the person and then I think he laughed at me.'

I tried to hold in my laugh as I heard that, but instead, I found myself gently saying: 'and then?'

Matsuda scratched the back of his head. 'Well, after that, he explained that there was a person who he wanted to touch, but couldn't. And I thought, ah, he is talking about someone in a relationship, or maybe someone who is mad at him? So he asked me how to approach a person like that. And I said that avoiding physical contact might be better and when he asked what he _could_ do, I said he could just praise that person. Pat them on the head, that kind of stuff. Why, did you see him do it? Are _you_ mad at him?'

I just stared at him. _He explained that there as a person who he wanted to touch, but couldn't._

 _Wanted to touch, but couldn't._

Wanted to touch, but couldn't.

He patted me on the head. _Me._

 _He wanted to touch me, but couldn't._

* * *

XxX

When they knocked on the door, she knew exactly who it was. For a short while, she considered not opening, jumping out of a window and leaving. But with L was probably the one and only place where she would be moderately save from Beyond Birthday. And right now, she really needed that.

She recognised the knocks. He still knocked the same. Like he was happy and angry at the same time. Yes, that fitted the description perfectly.'

She opened the door and leaned against the doorframe immediately, as if nothing bothered her. 'Hey, old man,' she said to the man looking absolutely shaking by her presence. 'Did you come to take me, too?'

He looked like he was completely at loss of words. Good. 'I-I-I I don't understand.'

'Great!' she responded. 'That's a first for you, isn't it. Now, I will pack my things, you go inform little Ellie that I'm still alive.'

It took about – what, ten seconds? For the old boss to tell the big boss. His knocks were lazier, but also hastier. Those two really seemed like family sometimes.

Though, in a way, they were, of course.

She opened the door again, taking the exact same position again. He really had not changed much. Just… grown. And his hair became even more of a mess. She didn't even know that was possible. 'Hey, El El. Come to take me away, _again?_ Though, I do suppose, the previous time, it wasn't exactly _me,_ but another body.'  
Oh, that face of his! Hilarious. Maybe being caught by L was worth it after all.

'Ah, L, did you really care so little about me? The burned body might have been my size and of the female sex, but everybody knows that I really dislike fires. If I were to kill myself, I'd rather drown in the lake. Not that you would know.' She gave him a death glare now, finally unleashing some anger. 'You know nothing about any of us.'

She was surprised when the surprise on his face washed off. Like he wasn't surprised at all, anymore. Like nothing _could_ surprise the man. Dammit, he was beyond irritating. 'I think I know more than enough, Anthea. Or are you finally going to tell me your real name?'

'Why would I?' she spat, her calm voice making her more irritated. She had forgotten how much she hated that voice. She wasn't thankful for the reminder.

He stuck his hands in his pockets (a rather un-charming habit) and shrugged. 'I don't know, maybe because you're under arrest.'

She couldn't help but roll her eyes. 'Oh no, I'm so frightened.' She gave them her hands, ready to be taken away. 'Here you go, enjoy cuffing them. Again,' she said, even though, they came with real chains instead of metaphorical ones.

But she was pretty sure she preferred these. These were much more easily broken.

* * *

XxX

I didn't see Ryuzaki for a while. He was gone, of course, but I saw Watari and he informed me that he _was_ in fact back, just not here, with me. He was "busy". Yes, I knew L was actually busy, but I felt like I had made a much more important discovery.

 _He wanted to touch me, but couldn't._

It was already late when Watari finally told me that Ryuzaki was hearing people in the rooms that substituted for a prison. Which was a really weird fact that – even though Matsuda had told me – I did not believe until I walked out of the elevator and saw a floor that looked more like a police station or prison then a detective's headquarters. There were three places where there were tables and chairs, ready to talk to people. None of the rooms where empty. The first one, there was one boy. Blond hair, over the shoulders, tired, thin. And he looked, annoyed mostly. But clean. I saw remainder of nail polish on his nails. He couldn't see me through the window, of course, which made it easier to stare.

The second one held another boy. Red brown hair, thin, tired, worse. He looked worse than the other one. Was this the way they were treated? Awful. Just. Awful.

I stopped walking. L was sitting in front of this boy and asking question in his soft voice. He couldn't see me either. I wondered if Watari had already told him I was coming. I wondered if Ryuzaki already knew that I was here, even without confirming it.

'Did you meet A before your kidnapping?' he asked the boy.

The boy just shook his head, but I saw his lips move, making the word: 'no.'

Ryuzaki wrote this down. 'And you, till this date, are unaware of what she has been doing these couple of years?'

'I have no idea what she has been doing, L,' he answered and even though I saw a glass of water on the table in front of him, he looked and sounded thirsty. _Take a sip_ , I wanted to tell him, but couldn't.

'And you didn't question her loyalty towards you?' Ryuzaki asked.

'No,' he answered quickly.

'Why not?'

'I didn't care whether her loyalties lied with me or not. I didn't care whether she would betray me or not,' the boy answered.

A short silence. 'And why didn't you, Matt?'

Still staring at the table, the boy gave a confident, but also kind of ashamed answer. 'Because I am in love with her.'

Silence. Utter silence. And I knew he wasn't talking about me, but the situation felt so intimate, that I suddenly felt myself blushing.

As if he could detect that, Ryuzaki's eyes suddenly moved to the window, which seemed like a mirror within that room. For a second, I thought he could see me, but then he looked away again, with a sigh.

'Questioning paused on 22:13,' Ryuzaki then said and I watched him as he clicked on the buttons on the recording device, after which he stood from his chair. 'Excuse me for a moment,' he said.

I was ready for it, I thought. The moment he walked out of the door, I would confront him. But when he stepped into the hallway, looked at me with almost dead-looking eyes and then away from me as he walked towards the elevator, I lost confidence.

I quickly glanced to the boy – Matt – once more. He had sounded ashamed, yes. But not necessarily because he was in love with her. I believed he was ashamed because he had to admit it, to someone who he probably considered as his respected elder, a man above emotions.

Except…

'Ryuzaki!' I shouted as I started to run. I caught up with him, but before I could come too close, he suddenly said: 'Stop.'

I was so surprised that I obeyed. 'What's wrong?'

He breathed in so deeply that I could hear every part of that breath. And then he turned around and looked at me. 'I am. Wrong, I mean. I can't sit there, questioning my successor about this, not when I'm like this.' He took one step forward. I didn't move. Another step. I still didn't move. He didn't move forward, instead he spoke: 'I want to, of course, continue this. Tell him that it was stupid to let sentiment get the better of him, that he should never have trusted her, that he was the reason that the enemy was now so close to me, killing distance, but with my hands tied. The only ones who can lock him up are witnesses – and two are confusing to participate.'

'So?' I asked, not getting the point. 'Why can't you tell him?'

Another step forward and I once again did not move. A few more and we would be close enough to feel each other's breath on our faces. While speaking, he moved forward again. 'How can I criticize my potential successor for letting his feelings cloud his judgement – ' he stopped, so close to me that I swear I could smell him ' – when I've been doing the exact same thing of months?'

His voice almost broke at the end.

This was not a confession. I knew that. But this was _L_. This might be the only confession I would get out of him. And should that not be rewarded?

'Ryu—'

He was trying to step away again, to create distance, but I wouldn't let him. 'Don't—' he said as he still tried to move away until I lost my patience.

'Stop it!' I shouted.

He seemed so surprised that he stopped. Funny. We were both so full of surprises today. And here was one more.

I grabbed one of his hands and put it against my cheek. I felt it. How his fingertips curl around it, as if they'd wanted to do that, as if they'd imagined doing that. I didn't forcefully hold the hand, but he let it there, on my face, looking at me as if I was some sort of miracle.

Then there came the hard part. It wasn't hard to admit, not for me, but saying it to his face? I had no idea what that would do to him. 'Sentiment and feelings aren't always bad. For example, I will protect you with my life,' I told him and he did not look surprised to hear it. Well, maybe my next words would surprise him. 'Because I love you.'

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Oh boy! Where will this go? Sorry for the cliffhanger, it really isn't intentional, I just like to end my chapters on a good ending for a chapter and this seemed to fit, so yeah. I see you guys soon, sorry for being busy all the damn time.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **InsaneUnicornCupcake: ah, no, L cannot see the lifespans, as he has the eyes in his possession, but he hasn't taken them because he doesn't know how. And it's pretty difficult to freak me out, believe me, feel free to yell at me (I come from a family with six children, if I wasn't used to yelling by now, I would be dead). And I always want to hug everyone, they're such cuties. And I think that we don't really see a human side of Near in the manga? I mean, not really. Not much. So that was what I tried to achieve. I think he is a boy who is convinced he is living like a thinking machine, without realising that he is clearly not (you are playing with hand puppets, Near, of course you're not.) And yayy! Three times is the charm, or something like that. I don't know what I'm saying. But I love your reviews, so I'm celebrating with you! (since I have no life, either. I would love some brownies *sigh*) Bye bye! Until next times! *falls down the stairs* *gets back up* I'm fine, didn't fall, what are you talking about. ;D**

 **bored411: I updated! You proud? Also, since I normally reply to my reviews by reading them through my e-mail, I only now noticed that your profile picture is David Tennant?! Like, how can I not have known that, that is amazing. Love that guy so much. Wait… what was I talking about? Oh yeah, thank you for still reading and enjoying my story and sorry I don't update as much as I would like to. It's weird how difficult it has become to keep the "one chapter a week"-policy going.**

 **EmeraldHeart1203: Ah, well I explained how it went, going away from the canon even more, I know, don't hate me, please… Hmm and that is indeed an interesting thing to hold in mind when writing Near… I should really write that down so I don't forget… but I do feel like he would hold himself to a higher standard while meeting L, especially since I want to make sure that the audience isn't sure whether this is the first time he meets him or not. I think he has more confidence than, for example, Mello has and that's why he is calm, but I'm not sure. Dang, your idea is good… Need to write it down somewhere… And yeah, I miss him, too, in a weird way. I miss nice Light. Even nice Light was kind of sassy. I liked that, Anyway, thanks for reviewing, bye bye!**

 **Andrahz: Thank you so much, dear! And yes, I would love to write that! But if I did, it would probably be after finishing this story, because that's what's most important for me right now. But it does sound like a wonderful idea!**

* * *

 **XxX**


	55. No Solution

**Welcome back, little pumpkins! How are you all doing? Good? I hope so. I feel like I literally never update, which is sad, because I love writing. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life once this story is finished. Cry, probably. And then. Yeah. And then. I don't know. I don't have a manga or anime series that I really want to write a story for right now. Oh. I'm rambling again, I need to stop.**

 **AND I'm a year older. Hah. So weird. It feels like there's a whole decade somewhere that I missed or something. Oh well, I'll probably stay childish forever, who cares.**

 **ALSO, VERY IMPORTANT! I have to finish a really big project on March 11** **th** **and it's a lot of writing work, so if I don't update for a week or two or three, that's why. I know my updating schedule has been terrible, but it's a busy time! After March 11** **th** **, I'll have more time, because then most of the big projects I have will be finished, so then, everything will go back to normal. But for now, please have patience and faith in me!**

 ****SURPRISE! (not really it's a disclaimer, but still) I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **55\. No Solution**

Silence. For a good minute at least.

Then words so forced and unfitting that I knew I had actually surprised L maybe a tat too much. 'Um. Near wanted to see you, as I said before, but you haven't actually met, since I locked him up instead of having you looking after him, so you can go back and um. Talk.' He seemed to be struggling to get each word out.

And then he turned around. Walking away. Fleeing.

'Ryuzaki,' I said, sounding slightly amused, but also irritated.

No response. With a sigh, I followed after him. 'Ryuza—' Right before I reached him, he turned around, grabbed my wrist and kissed me. It wasn't exactly like any of the other kisses we'd shared. This was more of a 'I want you to shut up, so I'll kiss you'-move. But there was something in the way he stiffly held me that told me it was about more than that.

And in my messy head and heart, I found that this might just have been what I needed, what we both needed. Whatever his response would be later, this was something I didn't want to miss. So I didn't think and just grabbed his sweatshirt, allowing myself to inch closer to this man who hated physical contact. But he did not push me away. I wasn't sure why he hadn't, he had done it before. In more ways than one. He'd left me after the Kira case. Whether he felt something for me back then – or felt something for me _now_ – the fact that he just left without saying anything hurt, even though I had no memories of it.

There was this moment where his hand crept up over my arm, making me shiver, fingertips touching my shoulder. It was at this moment that his fingers touched my hair. And it almost seemed like Ryuzaki recoiled, as if the touch of my hair made him remember who he was. As if the touch of my hair swept away his interest in me.

'Go to Near,' he whispered when he let me go, an expression on his face that I could only interpret as sadness. What had made him sad?

'But—' I tried, because I wanted to force him to talk me to about this. About _him_. About what he was feeling. It was no use denying it now.

'Go,' he interrupted again. 'Please,' he added when I wasn't moving.

And then I saw it. Through the mask. He'd heard me and he had been surprised. And now he needed time to think. To deal with it. Because there wasn't anything in his brain that could help him with how to solve this situation. How to deal with it. He actually needed to think of a plan before proceeding.

He was handling this like it was a case.

Well. If that was what worked for him, who was I to force him?

I nodded, giving in. He nodded back, before awkwardly turning around and walking away. Not fast, but just fast enough that it felt like he was fleeing again.

* * *

XxX

The small room that kept Near wasn't locked. Not strange, because… where would he go? The other ones were locked though and they kind of scared me. The people behind the tables just… staring. And Near frightened me, too, I had to admit. He looked like a creepy kid.

A creepy kid that recognised me. 'Olivia.'

'You know me,' I replied. It was not a question.

He blinked a few times, but he remained composed, as if he understood. How odd. I really did not think Ryuzaki had told him everything about me. Wait, had he? Now I wasn't so sure. 'Interesting,' was his reply.

I pulled an eyebrow up. 'Interesting?' I repeated. 'Interesting,' I said again, with a sour face. 'What a day to be alive.' Too much happened in one day to just… accept this. I would've behaved, I would've asked questions. I would've know what my connection to this boy was. But I was tired and annoyed and just… done.

'You're angry,' the little boy said and I found myself actually surprised by his words. Not because of the words he said, but the way he'd said them. He sounded… amused… no… _fascinated._ And curious, very, very curious.

Too curious.

I sat back a little. 'I'm not.'

'You just made your hands into fists, you're jaw was clenched and your eyes were sharpened. Even you're eyebrows looked angry. Don't try to argue with me, it doesn't work. You're angry. Or were, until I apparently surprised you.'

I stared at the boy, trying to see, to understand, how he could talk like that. He wasn't that old and the fact that he was this smart did not surprise me. But the way he spoke… it was weird. It wasn't like Ryuzaki, who only explained the basic thought process and never tried to convince anyway unless they ordered him to. This was a boy who not only _knew_ he was right. This was a boy that desperately wanted people to acknowledge just how right he was.

The life of a prodigy.

'Listen, Near,' I said, trying to speak calm, like the adult in the room, 'I don't know how you know me, but I know you must've figured out by now that I have lost some of my memory. So, I'm going to as you a question. How do we know each other?'

His answer came quick, his expression amused. 'Mello.'

'Mello?' Wasn't he here as well? Yes, I definitely heard that name today, probably from Watari. 'Why Mello?'

'He was curious, so he kidnapped you.'

I was kidnapped twice? 'Pardon? He kidnapped me because he was curious?'

Near seemed to enjoy my reactions. 'He is an… extraordinary specimen, if I may say so. You needn't think about the reasons behind his actions. He mostly does things to get attention.'

Ah. Life of two different prodigies. How great.

'So he kidnapped me and took me to where you lived? With all the other L trainees?' I guessed, since I knew that much. Even though no one explained much around here, I was still one of the smartest people in the police force. Even though I wasn't really part of the police force anymore…

Near didn't seem surprised by my guess. Too bad.

'I am unsure as to what you are doing here right now,' he then said, but he said it in a way that made me not believe a single word he just said. This kid probably already knew way too much.

Which made me wonder why I even bothered.

'You know what. I think you're right. I have no reason to be here right now.' With those words I stood and left the room, locking the outdoor lock this time, just in case.

* * *

XxX

She had no idea what time it was when the old man finally came to bring her to a proper room. It was on the same floor as the others, he told her, but she knew that the fact that he told her meant that their doors would probably be locked. But when she was in the room and he left and she didn't hear anything conforming her theory, she actually found herself going after him.

'Excuse me!' she said, not sure how to formally address him now. She couldn't act disrespectful forever. Especially when they were letting her stay here, in a room. And not in a prison cell, like she'd expected.

The old man turned around and looked at her. She could see it in his eyes every time he looked at her. She could clearly see how old he was, how old the guilt was. How calm he was, despite everything. Despite himself. Despite everything he'd ever done. 'You're just going to… let us stay? On the same floor? Without locked doors?' she asked. Her voice still made him flinch. She wasn't proud of it, but it kind of felt good to see just how guilty he felt.

'Ryuzaki's orders,' was his explanation and it was clear he really wanted to leave now.

Why would Ryuzaki ever…? I mean, she wasn't stupid. There was something definitely bothering him, especially about the whole her-and-Matt part of their story, but she wasn't sure why. Did he feel guilty, too? For what? It wasn't like he wanted the orphanage to turn into a little L-factory. He was way too young at the time to decide such a thing. At least, that was what she hoped.

'Which room is Matt's?' she asked Watari, more as an act of rebellion than because she was really curious. This wasn't a large floor, she could easily find his room herself. But that wouldn't be nearly as much fun.

Sadly enough, the old man seemed to realise this, too. 'Goodnight, A,' he said, after which he fled the floor.

'Do not call me that!' she shouted, too late. The old man had already disappeared in the elevator.

* * *

XxX

It was late when Matsuda finally left. L hadn't come back, but he must've given Watari orders, because on the screens I could see how Watari moved the four newcomers to a floor. A floor I recognised. The floor Misa was kept in, although her specific part of that floor was not used now, and the security cameras inside the rooms weren't on. Or just not on these screens.

Matsuda had ordered some weird spicy food from a service he liked, but I couldn't care less for it, so I stole a piece of one of the cakes in the fridge, since Ryuzaki wasn't here to eat them, anyway. I was surprised by how calm I was now. Yes, I had said three very dangerous words to Ryuzaki, but what was the worst that could happen?

He could leave me. Again. It would hurt, yes. And I would try to make myself hate him. But I wouldn't stop living just because he left me. I had to hold myself above a higher standard than that, at least. Otherwise, this was going to be one soppy drama of a life.

The night lightening in the screen room went suddenly on. I wasn't sure why the light changed, but it went from more yellowy light to a slightly more blue shade of light. Maybe so that Ryuzaki could keep track of the time without looking at a clock. I wasn't sure why he would need to know the time, though, since he never slept and just ate when he felt like it.

Now that I thought about eating…

I frowned and turned my chair around, walked back to the fridge. It was full with cakes. And I just took a piece from a cake that was new. All of them were. He had not eaten a bite.

Which might not have been so strange, since he hadn't been here that often, but I remembered the fridge in Watari's office having only whole cakes, too. Maybe not anymore, but still. How much had Ryuzaki eaten?

I walked to the kitchen part of the main floor, with a bigger fridge and a fruit bowl. Full fruit bowl, full fridge, untouched cakes. Untouched everything. This… this was getting kind of worrying.

I opened up the cabinets. Candy, chocolate, more than you could imagine. Untouched. All of it. Had he drunk any tea or coffee? No, he would always ask Watari or Matsuda to get him drinks and he hadn't asked anything. Not from Matsuda, at least.

I tried not to stress, tried to convince myself that there were more places to get food, that he was probably just avoiding me and thereby this kitchen, the fridges. Not because he was genuinely not eating.

But then I remembered his body against mine. Thin, too thin. Thinner. Weaker. I thought L couldn't survive without a sugar high. And maybe that was true. Maybe he was somewhere on the private floors, laying on the ground, barely breathing, hungry, thirsty… alone.

I was running before I knew it and without a plan. Watari must've seen me coming on the cameras, though, because he was already outside his office when I ran past. 'Where's Ryuzaki?' I asked, only slowing down when I came close, not stopping.

'Private floor 7,' Watari replied quickly. He knew what it meant when I asked something, when I ran.

'I thought you were supposed to keep him healthy!' I shouted back to him when I was long past him. I did not get a response, but something about my own remark left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I had never been on private floor 7. At least, not that I remembered. So when I entered the unfamiliar corridor, I had no idea where to go. All the open doors, I ignored, since L would never go into a room without locking the door, especially not on a private floor of his.

I found another kitchen and couldn't help but check. It wasn't as full as the one downstairs, but full enough to conclude that he had indeed not taken anything from this kitchen either. The fruit bowl was completely full and there were at least four cakes just waiting in the fridge. I found them relatable somehow.

What I did not found was Ryuzaki. Where _was_ he? How far could he have… Oh.

I found him in a completely empty room with only a bed. Almost completely empty rooms seemed to be a theme here. And he was laying there, on his side, his legs pulled up and his arms wrapped around them.

It was the most innocently pure thing I had ever seen. And for some reason, it broke my heart.

Instead of going inside, I left again, heading to the kitchen. I picked one of the cakes – randomly, I didn't want to waste time thinking about which kind of cake he would prefer – and cut a big slice. I found plate big enough for both a slice of cake and a banana and I also made work of searching for a small fork. Then, after that was done, I looked through the freezer and found vanilla and chocolate ice cream. I scooped both in a big bowl and added strawberries and whipped cream. And then I put that bowl back in the freezer, since I had no idea when he would be awake. Then I cut an apple and sprinkled the pieces with sugar and cinnamon and put that in a bowl as well. That wasn't for him, though, but for me. I knew for a fact that he did not like apples, anyway. Or at least, he preferred most of the other fruits in the bowl.

I decided against making coffee and just brought a big bottle of water with me instead. With the bowl of apple, the big slice of cake, the banana and the water I headed back to the room. I again did not go inside. I sat down in the doorframe, placing everything right in front of me. And then I leaned against the wooden doorframe, staring at the man – who looked just like a little boy – in the bed. I wondered whether I should wake him up and force him to eat, but I could do that as soon as he had some rest. He couldn't go anywhere while I was in the doorframe, I hoped. So I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep, having the familiar rhythm of Ryuzaki's breathing as my lullaby.

* * *

XxX

'Well, that didn't take long,' she said when someone knocked on her door. But when she opened the door it wasn't Matt. It was the little albino brat.

She sighed. 'I should've known,' she said, which made the boy frown. She liked that, that frown. Not because it showed her that she had displeased or confused him in some way, but because it actually looked like the child could emote. She had been doubting that for a while now.

'What do you want, kid?' she asked, regretting not having gum. She was always so much sassier when she was chewing gum and this kid wanted her to behave like a high school cheerleading bully. She wasn't sure why. Probably because he seemed like someone she would bully, if she'd ever been to high school. Oh yes, she would definitely have been a bully. Not because she was a necessarily mean person, but because she liked to kick people down the rabbit hole in which she had been living since she was three.

'To talk,' he said to her.

She frowned. That was a typical answer. Playing the pronoun game with her wasn't something she enjoyed. 'About what exactly?' she asked while considering pinching his white cheeks just to check if he wasn't a robot. Would they turn red if she pinched hard? It looked so white that it made her wonder…

'Well, you managed to… play dead, so to speak, for a good amount of years,' Near explained, which made her frown only worse. Where was he going with this? Then she got it and she looked utterly surprised when he finally said what she'd already guessed. 'I want to know how you did that. I want you to tell me how.'

* * *

XxX

I thought I'd woken up before him at first. But then I said straighter and found him staring at me from his frozen position on the bed, me staring back. Neither of us seemed willing to move. But when I did, ever so slightly, he broke eye contact by closing his eyes.

The silence wasn't awkward or tense. It was… calm. Weird calm. I wasn't sure why. Maybe because I had no words in my mind to say, nothing that was urgent or important.

Ryuzaki sat up and only then did he see the food on the floor. He pulled a face that kind of looked like the face a child makes the first time it eats something nasty. 'You… I forgot that you could be sharp sometimes.'

I shrugged, but because of my weird position in the doorframe, it probably looked odd. 'Even though I do not agree with your diet, you have to at least eat _something_. How long has it been since you've eaten?'

'Not long enough to be in need of any medical or non-medical attention,' he replied, sliding down from the bed to sit in front of me, the food between us. I could see in his eyes that he did not find this silence, this whole situation calm. What was it for him that made this tense?

He looked at me, pleadingly. I shook my head. With a sigh, he grabbed the banana and began to peel it, but before he took a bite, he said: 'You should throw the apple away, it's not fresh anymore and it'll probably taste bad.'

As an act of defiance, I grabbed one piece from the bowl and took a bite. It wasn't that bad. I made a point of looking straight at Ryuzaki while chewing, but he was looking at the carpet, so it kind of lost its effect.

He ate the whole banana and then I handed him the bottle of water. He eyed it, annoyed by the fact that it was just water, but he drank anyway. One two sips, but enough to make me take the bottle back. 'If you're not going to eat, I'm going to force you like this each time. So you better eat.'

A small smile appeared on his mouth, but it did not reach his eyes. 'You say that like you taking care of me would be a bad thing.'

'Well… you consider that a bad thing, don't you?' It was strangely close to a different conversation, one that we actually should be having. But as always, Ryuzaki refused to talk about the unknown.

'I consider few things to be one hundred percent bad. Unlucky or unfortunate, yes, but I don't think I am qualitied to divide good and bad.'

I shook my head with a small smile. 'Such a politically correct answer.'

'Well, what did you want me to say? That I consider you the source of all evil?' It was a slightly un-L-like think to say and he seemed to know it too. But then some of his mask fell and I saw a softer expression, a softer man, shining through. 'I would never think of you as anything remotely close to evil, Allison.'

I got goose bumps when he said my name and I hated it, but I also felt like he just put a spell on me. He had that effect on me. He had to. His words were magic, the way he lived was magic. Even if he wasn't traditionally good-looking, he was magic in a reasonable and incredibly clever package. He was perfect in his own messed up way.

And I loved him for it. But I also, really, really, really, hated him for it. Because he was here, so close and did not make any attempt to talk about the important stuff at all. Though this did feel like progress.

When Ryuzaki suddenly sighed, I looked up at him, curious. He just shook his head, but eventually spoke. 'One of the newcomers has confirmed that she knows most of Beyond Birthday's likely hiding places. This will probably be over soon.'

I did not understand why he would look and sound so sad while saying that. 'You sound like you despise that idea.'

'I do not, in fact,' he answered quickly. 'But when someone solves a case he has to move onto another.' Finally, he looked at me, the deep pool of his eyes was full of questions. 'And I have no idea how to solve the next one.'

Me. He was talking about me. That was how he talked if he couldn't, he talked around it. Talked about it without addressing it. 'So what, you're just going to ignore or drop your next case?' I asked, scared of the answer.

His face slowly turned into a frown and then he shook his head. 'No, no, that's not what I was going to do at all… But I can't predict which solution I'll choose in the end. Sometimes the easiest solution is also the worst one. Do you know what I mean?'

'Yes,' I replied, so quickly. I had enough context to answer that without thinking too much.

His face hardened again, a warning that this conversation is over. 'I will try to stick to my original diet, but feel free to assist me when you think assistance is needed,' he said as he stood. I didn't stand, but I turned a bit so he could step over me, out of the room. He didn't seem to like that idea, but he did, only to stop when I called after him.

'Ryuzaki?'

He turned around and I looked back over my shoulder, still sleepy from the short nap. I waited a few seconds before explaining why I'd said his name. 'Keep me informed. About this case. And about your next one. And what you kind the best solution might be.'

There was a moment in which we silently agreed on something, I wasn't sure what. But whatever it was, it made this situation sure. His knew case, was me. And the solution was either accepting me, or throwing me aside. I did not see any other options at this point.

He nodded, simply couldn't find the words. I nodded back. He left me. I remained there, in the doorframe, staring at the carpet he'd looked at to avoid looking at me. Now I was staring at it, looking at it to avoid looking at the life I would lead if Ryuzaki did choose the easiest option.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **DONE! And not even a cliff hanger, not really, at least. That's new. And it's also a bit longer again, which is always a plus. Sometimes I think my chapters are too short, but then I realise that if they were longer, I would lose another few hours in the day and I simply cannot lose any time right now. Anyway. Thank you for reading and see you (hopefully) soon! And I also want to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday! Thank you for remembering and supporting me, you mean the world to me!**

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 **XxX**

 **To all the guest reviews: THANK YOU SO MUCH TO YOU ALL. You're support and love is what keeps me going and is what makes me love what I do.**

 **InsaneUnicornCupcake: HAHAHAHAHA please let me in on the 'normal human lessons', I need it. More because I want to laugh at all of them messing up, but also because I generally could use some good human lessons, I'm not kidding, totally Sirius (I am part of almost every fandom, don't worry, I'll get the reference). And Near in my head is always stuck at being permanently 12 years old, but I don't know if I ever mentioned age in the story. I try not to, because timing in Death Note is always so difficult, but currently, I picture him around 12 years old. HAHAHA and god, you are amazing, I love it. I am already looking forward to reading your next review :) And again, please sign me up for the normal human lessons, I WANT IT.**

 **Andrahz: Thank you! And please, it's just little old me, we're all special snowflakes on the internet, so yes, of course I responded. It's the least I can do for someone who reads and likes my story! And I hope you got some sleep. Sleep is important! (Oh my god, I'm so educational ;D)**

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	56. Fire

**I'm updating! Is it smart? Not really, I'm way too busy and it's Monday and I have no idea why I'm writing, but I wanted to, so here I am.**

 ****SURPRISE! (not really it's a disclaimer, but still) I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **56\. Fire**

'Ryuk, please. They can see you. I need you.' The Shinigami knew that whining rarely helped, but she hoped to annoy Ryuk so much that he would help her just to be rid of her.

'You know my price. I won't help you for any less.'

The Shinigami shook her head, looking at the dark Shinigami before her with scepticism. 'I'm not giving you my Death Note, Ryuk. I can't. I won't.'

'Then I advise you to make use of the fact that you are a Shinigami and stop bothering me,' was the other Shinigami's reply.

She rolled her big, dark eyes. 'As if you aren't enjoying it. As if you haven't been bored out of your mind since Light Yagami died.'

'Indeed,' he replied, his eyes sparkling, 'so if you finally decide to take some actual action, I will be there to laugh in your face.'

* * *

XxX

I had been sitting there – in the doorframe – when all the lights suddenly went off. Frowning, I stood, tried to think of a reason why the lights would go off. Power malfunction?

Still frowning, I rubbed my eyes and looked around. Dark in the room, dark in the hallway. And then, suddenly, the light went on. But only on one half of the hallway, the half that led to the elevator.

I walked slowly, kind of creeped out, in the direction of the lights, only to realise that the lights I passed went off again, as if the lights were leading me. Was L of Watari doing this? It seemed like the only slightly logical explanation.

When I reached the elevator, all the lights went off and the elevator door opened without me pushing any buttons. This was starting to feel like a horror movie.

I don't even really know why I decided to get into the elevator anyway and why I decided to push the only button that was glowing. One of the basement.

I wasn't allowed to go there. I didn't even know the elevator allowed me to press the buttons. Then I realised it probably didn't, that this was a weird situation that didn't make much sense, and it was probably best to forget everything I thought I knew.

When the elevator door opened and showed me a mostly empty – true L-fashion – floor with dim lights and grey walls, I wasn't sure if it was wise to get out of the machine. But it seemed to call me forward, and when the lights of the elevator suddenly went off, too, I decided it was probably best to just get out.

The light on this floor acted the same. I walked passed them, they went off. As if to tell me not to return, like there was only one way to go.

And then, in front of me, a vault. Not a big one, but a small one. And there was an odd shadow falling over it. Seriously, what was going on? And why couldn't I bring myself to be afraid, to walk back? Why wasn't L here, or Watari, asking me what the fuck I was doing down here?

Why was I all alone?

When I reached for the vault, something clicked. And it opened. It just… opened. As if it was nothing. As if the vault was meant for me.

There was only one thing inside the vault. A small, stone-like shape in a holder. And it glowed like fire caught in a permanent position. It was beautiful and wicked and I felt myself reaching for it, wanting to touch it.

It felt like ice against my skin, but also warm, like static spreading across my fingers. I didn't take it out, but I touched it as if it were the most frail glass. It was so tiny, not much bigger than an eye and it seemed to call out to me.

'What are you doing here?'

I turned around in one swift movement, yanking my head away from the stone flame. And I froze. It wasn't Ryuzaki standing there. Nor was it Watari, or Matsuda for that matter.

Light Yagami stood in front of me, in a pit of dark nothingness.

'I… I don't know,' I answered, frowning. 'And you?'

'I died,' he replied with a dead tone and dead eyes.

My frown deepened. 'Yes. I know you are… So why am I—' I turned around to the vault, only to find more nothingness.

'But you're not,' Light continued in the same tone.

I was too confused to think. 'How do you know?'

'Because you're not really here,' he replied, shaking his head. 'I can sense it. Feel it. I'm still alone. You're not really here.'

'So, where am I then?' I asked him.

He shrugged. He did look terrible. Worn out. Dead. It looked like his soul was dead. 'That's for you to know. Where were you when you left?'

'Left what?' I asked, still unsure what he was trying to tell me.

He shook his head again. 'Never mind. She told me you could not remember.'

'Remember what?' I asked, my voice suddenly nothing more than a whisper.

'You need to kill him,' Light then suddenly said, more determined than before. 'You need to kill him and become the owner. Otherwise this world will keep drawing you in until it consumed you.'

I wasn't even sure what exactly I was asking when I said: 'And why would it do that?'

'My guess is, because you have come close to death too many times,' Light said, pinching the bridge of his nose. 'And because you pull yourself towards it. Don't let it consume you, Olivia. Kill him.'

'Kill who?' I asked, frustrated.

But before I could hear an answer, something else washed over me and I saw it. Me, myself, lying on the ground in a warehouse, bleeding and cold, but happy. Somehow happy. And I was dying. By god, I was dying.

'We have found one!' someone shouted, but it was too far in the distance and I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes.

More people entered the room, I heard their footsteps, the sounds mingled with my breathing, which was slowly dying with me.

'Let me through,' a familiar voice then said and I felt myself wanting to open my eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to.

Something touched my arm, but it seemed far away as well, as if I wasn't part of my body. 'I have a pulse,' the man said. 'Get more help!' he then shouted.

I tried to blink, but eyes open or closed, it didn't make a difference. 'I'm not there yet,' young me said, a child almost dying.

'Well, frankly, I doubt you'll be getting "there" or anywhere, for that matter, if you do not try to stay awake. Could you try?' the voice said, so calm and composed. As if the bleeding body of a young girl did nothing to him.

'I want to sleep,' I told the man, whoever he was. An angel? I wasn't sure.

'Yes and I want to arrest a criminal and put him in jail, but priorities can be unfortunate sometimes. Watari, where is the help?'

'Have patience, sir,' someone replied.

My sight became even darker and the pain slipped away as I did.

'No, no, don't go to sleep, stay with me,' the man told me and I felt something sharp hitting my face. Even half-dead I recognised the feeling. I had been hit often enough.

'Don't do that,' I think I said.

'Don't go to sleep,' was the man's response. 'Here, talk to me, distract yourself, don't go to sleep. What's your name?'

I blinked and I thought I saw light, but it was vague. I smelled something burning, mingled with something sweet, but that was vague, too. 'A-Allison.'

'Okay. Allison. Just stay awake for a while, there will be people who can help you momentarily.'

'I… don't want… help,' I replied, or maybe I didn't. I couldn't feel my lips moving anymore. 'Want… to… sleep.'

And then everything was gone. No sounds, no smell, no pain. Nothing. Just endless nothing.

* * *

XxX

'Well, that was disappointing,' Near mused.

'Oh?' she asked, crossing her arms. 'Then how would you have done it?'

Near shrugged slightly. 'I wouldn't have. I would've negotiated my freedom.'

She narrowed her eyes. 'Okay. How?'

Near smiled, smugly. God, she hated this kid every second more and more. He reminded her of a certain someone she detested as well. 'I would've used all the information against them. We know more about L than the rest of the world, that's perfect blackmail material.'

She raised an eyebrow. 'You would've blackmailed the best and most famous detective in the world?'

'Oh no,' he said, as if the idea was tempting, but stupid. The smile that appeared on his face then, made her blood cold. 'I would simply defeat him.'

* * *

XxX

' _You see? THIS is exactly why we shouldn't mingle with people! That nearly killed her!_ '

' _How do you know? It's not like we can see her lifespan now, can we? She just passed out, big deal. I once possessed a human and then he—_ '

' _I don't even want to know, just shut up._ '

' _Why? It's not like it will be a great loss if we kill her. Even the King said that she's more alive than dead. That happens to people who escape death one to many times. It starts to deliberately come after them._ '

' _I'd rather it went after that other guy. His humanity is completely backwards.'_

'Hmm,' I mumbled, trying to shut the voices out. 'Can you keep quiet? I'm trying to sleep.'

But then I realised that there was… no one there. When I opened my eyes, it was quiet and empty and sad. I was in an infirmary of some sorts, the only sound being the beeping of the heart rate monitor. It was right there when it hit me.

 _L had been there._

The day I was "rescued", there had been a whole team of people. More people, people who saved me. It could've been a dream, or an illusion, but my brain started to spin, because… it made sense. It had been a big gang, a big criminal network. It wasn't odd if L got involved in that case. And he had treated me differently from the start, complaining more, watching her more. His interest in the name "Allison", his interest _and_ disinterest in me. It made sense. It made so much sense.

I knew my memories of those times were vague, numerous therapists had told me that much. My brain was protecting itself. But why had it chosen this time to reme—

My eyebrows rose up when I realised that that wasn't the only thing I remembered. I put her hands in front of my mouth to keep myself from screaming. _Light, Kira, Misa, the Death Notes, Near, Matt, Mello, all the orphans, even Beyond Birthday…_ I remembered it all.

Why did I remember it all? How?

When the door of the infirmary opened and L stood there, I suddenly realised much more. He stood there, his hands in his pockets and I felt more than I had in ages. A love years older than the one I felt before I remembered.

But there was even more. My eyes shifted, as if I put on odd glasses, and suddenly, the world seemed… red. Bloodier. And bright numbers and letters appeared above Ryuzaki's head.

 _L Lawliet._ And then there was a series of numbers ticking and changing every single second. But now I had context. Now I knew what it meant.

I blinked and the world as normal again. Sane. But I felt disoriented, crazy, new. Off.

I backed away on the bed a bit, until my back hit the end of the bed and I observed L from a distance as he observed me, with new curiosity as he tried to figure out what was going on. But I knew. I remembered. The face he had made when Light had grabbed me and tried to kill me, the hurt and sadness I'd felt when he had left me. The way he'd touched my hair after seeing me again, sadly, as if he was missing the blue. The rushed kiss I'd given him, every single conversation I'd forgotten. He being _him_ , being lovely, being _L._

I got out of the bed and he stood still, still observing me. At first, I was hesitant, not sure how to approached, not sure _how_ to come close to him. Especially with all these new memories, with all this information. With all these _feelings_. They weren't exactly new. But they were more than I felt like I could handle right now.

'Olivia,' he begun and his tone was so annoying that I wanted to stop him from talking. 'Why were you—'

'Oh _,_ damn it all to hell,' I said after which I practically ran over to him, grabbed his sweatshirt and crashed my mouth into his.

I could feel the surprised sound he made in the back of my throat and it was addicting, everything suddenly seemed new. His taste, the way he felt, everything seemed new. I brought one hand up to touch his hair and found that even that felt new too.

It took about fifteen seconds before Ryuzaki could react. But he did. I felt one of his cold hands in my hair, felt his long fingers against the back of my neck. The other one grabbed my face, using his thumb to caress my cheek. I blamed it on confusion and the heat of the moment, but as reaction to his movements I kissed his mouth open, allowing myself more space, more of _him_. He didn't complain, even though I was close, so close again, he met every action I did with the same need and passion. Whether that was what he actually felt or not, I wasn't sure.

 _L Lawliet._ I wasn't stupid. I realised that that was his real name. But telling him that I knew didn't seem right, just like telling him that I remembered him being there that day I was rescued. Those were the things I needed time for.

But _god_ , right now I didn't have time. The hand that held his sweatshirt had actually wandered off and was now _under_ the sweatshirt, caressing his stomach. I wasn't sure if he minded that or not, but he didn't stop me. I wasn't sure how far we were going to go if either of use weren't stopping the other.

Then, a loud noise, the sound of a speaker turning on, ripped us apart.

' _Ryuzaki, apologies for the interruption, but aren't there more pressing matter right now?_ ' Watari asked through the speaker, sounding both amused and slightly worried.

We were both panting and Ryuzaki sounded breathless as he answered: 'Yes. Of course. Just… give me a minute.'

That made me frown. I wasn't sure why Ryuzaki would need a minute.

There was a short pause before Watari answered: ' _Of course, sir._ ' Another loud noise as the speaker was shot off.

And then Ryuzaki looked at me the way he usually looked at a piece of cake.

* * *

XxX

'You, Shinigami,' the man spat to the dark Shinigami in the room, making his grin wider. Ryuk was always bored when the man simply ignored him. 'Where do you keep running off to?'

'What? A Shinigami can't have friends? You really are boring compared to Light.'

'Don't talk about the other one!' he shouted. 'I'm superior in every way!'

' _Right_ ,' Ryuk answered. 'That's why L has been basically ignoring you for the past few years. Can I have some apples?'

The man slowly turning around in his chair, looking at Ryuk with murderous eyes. 'What did you just say?'

'Apples,' Ryuk replied, knowing full well he had not been asking about that. 'You've run out. And I _need_ apples, you don't want to see me when I haven't had any apples in a few days.'

'L is _not_ ignoring me. He _needs_ me. I'm his arch enemy. I'm… I'm better than him!'

' _Right_ ,' the Shinigami repeated, unsure how to properly deal with this odd man. He was one weird creature. 'Let's wait until this is all over, okay? See who needs who, exactly.'

'You're of no use to me at all!' the man shouted.

'Aw, thank you,' Ryuk replied dryly, 'that's the nicest thing someone has ever said to me.'

'Go away, I need to think!' the man then said and Ryuk rolled with his eyes, so much that it almost seemed like his eyes were going to roll right out of his head.

For a short while, Ryuk considered killing the boy right here and now, but the only thing interesting that could come out of him hadn't happened yet. The showdown between him and team L was bound to be interesting. But right now, this man was just boring.

'You're boring,' Ryuk said before disappearing into the room next to the room where the man had locked himself up, too scared to even go outside and using the Death Note instead. He didn't have any criminals left, all the criminals L had ever put behind bars were dead now. And instead of playing Kira, he was now just using the Death Note to gain slaves. It wasn't a stupid plan, but an unnecessary one. For all Ryuk knew, the man was basically a Shinigami. The only problem was his mortality and even that could be arranged if you were good with words and had the means to plan an audience with the king.

But this man seemed neither good at words nor did he have the means to talk to the Shinigami King. Because no one, not even Ryuk, was willing to help him now. That was the thing about humans.

And the end of the day, they were too good and innocent to be permanently interesting.

* * *

XxX

'I… I think… we need to… you need to… go back… to work…' I said in between pants.

'Hmm,' was the only reaction I got.

I was sitting on the edge of the infirmary bed, Ryuzaki standing over me, his hands holding my face in an angle that allowed him to kiss my neck. I wasn't sure what exactly had unleashed him, but it sure as hell was something I wasn't used to. And even though he tried to keep it hidden, his clumsy actions told me Ryuzaki wasn't used to it, too.

I managed to push him away from me a little, so I could look at his cloudy eyes and pink cheeks. I had never seen his face so alive before. It kind of made me want to halt my decision of getting back to work. But with all these new memories, I needed to talk to him, help him. Hell, he didn't even know I remembered yet. We'd both been too… um… occupied to talk.

'I mean it, Ryuzaki. We need to stop Beyond,' I replied and something in my voice must've given something away, because the clouds in his eyes faded.

'Do you—' he began, but I stopped his question with another kiss. 'Let's go,' I said, after which I pushed him away completely, stood and walked out of the infirmary, still trying to get my breathing under control.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **I know, I know, it shorter. But I thought this was a nice little chapter, with everything that's going on. I feel like Olivia/Allison and Ryuzaki stepped over a line now… one that is irreversible and possibly deadly, who knows, time will tell. And the Light thing… It'll be explained better later, but writing Light is something I'm not used to anymore, it's weird. I liked writing it, though, pretty trippy. This whole chapter felt like it was kind of trippy, but the reason behind it is quite simple. I just figured that if Shinigami's can used their Death Notes to manipulate people, can't they do that outside of their Death Notes, too? It's really not canon, I know, but I figured… Well, yeah. Anyway. The whole 'L saving her'-thing was something that I'd planned so long ago and then I was just like 'I have no clue where to put this realisation, so shall I just cut it out?' But it seemed to fit here and I liked the idea a lot, so there it is. AND I'm going to stop talking now. Also, same as before, big project until March 11** **th** **, so weird update schedule until then. Bye bye!**

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 **XxX**

 **Queen-of-Ice101: Welcome back! And yes, it kind of is the calm for the storm, isn't it xD. Oh boy. It's so weird how close I'm getting to the end! But thank you for supporting me and thank you for everything, actually!**

 **Wolfy-sama: Aw, that's such a big compliment for me, it's actually a dream of mine! And boy, if the series went like this, it would surely be a whole different series xD. But I would love to see Olivia/Allison in the actual manga. I was rereading it one day and I was like "wait, where's Allison?" and then I realised that she didn't exist in the canon universe and I hit myself for being stupid. Anyway, thank you very much for enjoying and supporting the story!**

 **EmeraldHeart1203: That's okay, I will neither confirm nor deny high-pitched squealing while writing fluff ;D. And I like to think that Sayu is living her life really successfully without Kira or anything relating to the Death Notes in her way, but who knows, maybe. She is on the list of things I** ** _could_** **work, through, but please do not be disappointing if she does not appear. Anyway, thank you and bye bye!**

 **InsaneUnicornCupcake: Oh yeah, the super bowl! Hahaha I hope people didn't think you were too crazy ;) And an OC that mothers Near sounds like the cutest thing ever, I'll add it on my list of possible ideas xD, not an annoying request at all, I like hearing ideas. And I hope this wasn't too much progression of their relationship in one chapter xD. There was actually a moment where I had to tell them "okay, calm down, you guys are like horny teenager, get yourself together, Beyond Birthday is still out there". And, my god, what's that with nerds and bookworms being bullied! I was bullied, too, I'm not sure if it was due to my book-obsession, but still. Brain are not a weakness, people, get over yourselves. Okay, sorry, got carried away there, but that is an amazing story! And hahahaha, hi, Alex, nice to meet you, don't be afraid, I don't bite unless I have to. And Lisson does sound like a cool ship-name. HAHAHAHA, god, you're amazing. See you, bye bye!**

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	57. Storm is Coming

**WOoHOO! I'm back! Yes, I really am, I'm surprised, too! And we're getting closer and closer to the end… are you scared, yet? Because I am… Really,** ** _really_** **scared. Not sure why, but I am.**

 ****DISCLAIMER I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **57\. Storm is Coming**

'You're getting bored now, aren't you?' Ryuk asked.

'Silence!' The man spat, staring at the screens. He couldn't get into the systems. Couldn't figure out how to get the security cameras, never got far enough to see what was going on. Boredom was eating at him, but he had been used to boredom before. This was something else.

'I should've put a time limit on the deal,' the man muttered, looking at the security footage of the police station again.

'Well, why didn't you, then?' Ryuk asked, grabbing one of the apples the man had bought for him, but only after Ryuk had threatened him, since the man didn't seem to act accordingly unless he had no choice.

'SILENCE!' The man shouted.

'See, this is why you're boring. You are a genius, but you don't think ahead enough. Pretty stupid, if I may say so.'

'Shut UP!' The man grabbed one of the computer and flung it Ryuk's way. The computer crashed against the wall and fell to the ground, the man panting, staring at what he'd just done.

He tries to compose himself and wipes the hair from his face. 'Fine then. If you want me to be entertaining, I will.'

* * *

XxX

Ryuzaki made a point of pulling me to the room with all the screens and monitors and even pushed me down on his chair, after which he started typing something, until the screens changed. Suddenly, I had full view of all sorts of corridors, all empty. But then Ryuzaki pressed the rewind button and I saw myself as I was rewinded in time.

'Ryuzaki?' I asked, but he ignored me and just stared at the screen.

I blinked and my eyes shifted again, though I could not sense a pattern yet. Sometimes it just… happened when I blinked. And I would see his name and the numbers, not sure in which amount the numbers were.

Ryuzaki pressed play and turned to me, judging my reaction as I watched.

I saw myself leaving the room, which was normal. But then I sort of… stilled. Nothing in the corridor changed, even though I remember the lights changing, but the only thing that changed was the way I moved. Like I was a zombie.

There was really no reason for the elevator to allow me on one of the forbidden floors and as I walked out of the elevator with a seemingly blank expression, I frowned. I remembered this. I knew I hadn't looked like that. But then I reached the vault.

In my memories, it had just randomly opened. Here, now, I was the one opening it, with my own hands. And I grabbed the stone and took it in my hands and then.

Nothing. The screen became a white one, every single camera that showed that floor became white, as if light too bright for it was shone into it. It lasted only a moment, but then I was on the floor, a puddle of a human being. Unconscious.

I could only stare at the scene as Ryuzaki came running in and then Watari. This felt familiar and I knew why, but that wasn't the question I wanted to concern myself with right now. 'How—'

Ryuzaki cut me off before I could finish the question. 'I do not know. But you laid on the ground, your heartbeat was unstable and the stone is gone.'

The stone was gone? Curious. But then I blinked again, and I realised that maybe, just maybe, that wasn't curious at all.

'There another one,' I said.

Ryuzaki turned to me. 'Another what?'

I put my hand to my chin and thought while speaking. 'A Shinigami. A nervous one, who seemed friends with Rem. I have only see it only a couple of times. Of course, I couldn't remember after, since…' I stopped when I realised Ryuzaki did not know anything about the other realm. Or the fact that it seemed to want me desperately. Pulling me in. For how long could I outrun death?

I realised I had stopped talking in the middle of a sentence and was staring at nothing only when Ryuzaki asked: 'Do I need to slap you?'

I wasn't entirely sure why, but I smiled as I looked up at him. 'You're always slapping me, aren't you?'

A door inside his eyes opened and he showed me – just a bit – of the secrets he kept from everyone. A hint of emotion, of humanity. 'It may seem so,' he said, 'but for that to be the case, I would've hit you a total of 94 times in the time we've been having this conversation.'

I rolled my eyes, but my smile wasn't fading.

But Ryuzaki wasn't smiling. 'How come you know this Shinigami?'

How would I explain this an illogical thing to such a logical man?

'Euh… There was this place… It…' I scratch the back of my neck. 'Can you promise me you'll just listen and believe me, even without real prove?'

This made it only seem suspicious to Ryuzaki, but it also seemed to interest him. He put his thumb against his lower lip. 'Continue, Olivia.'

I bit on my lower lip, but decided to tell him anyway. 'My memories…' I shivered when I remembered some of the more horrible ones, the painful ones. Where everything hurt so much that I couldn't even think straight. 'They… there's this place. Not death, because users of Death Notes cannot go there, but… it's an empty place, endless, empty. I… I'm pulled towards this part of death when I'm weak. At least, that's my theory. I always end up there when I'm weak, that's why… I think it's connected.'

Ryuzaki did not look at me as if he wanted to laugh in my face. But that wasn't really something he did, so that didn't tell me much. He looked… thoughtful.

I decided to keep on talking. 'You were there that day in the warehouse. You know how close I've been to dying. And after that, with Light, too. I think I cheated, Ryuzaki. I think… I think death wants me.'

'Death is a state, not a being with feelings. It doesn't _want_ ,' Ryuzaki said, not looking at me.

I sighed. 'Then how do you explain it? And how do you explain Shingami's, then? They're beings with feelings. Well… if extreme boredom is a feeling, which I believe it is.'

'I don't think someone wants you dead, Olivia,' Ryuzaki said, his voice surprisingly soft. 'Because then, a Shinigami would simply write down your name.'

I stared at him and I felt it again, the fire that made me forget everything around me and kiss him. And kiss him, and kiss him. I held myself back, knowing that this might not be the moment. Then again, it was L we were talking about, was there ever a right moment with him?

'For how long have you known?'

I looked at Ryuzaki, confused. 'Known what?'

'That I was there that day. The day you were… dying.' It almost sounded like it was hard for him to say, like the idea of me dying hurt him.

Was it bad to say that I kind of liked that?

I wondered whether I should just tell him now, or maybe just shrug and pretend like it didn't matter.

I shrugged and pretend like it didn't matter.

It was around this time that Watari had come into the room.

'What is it, Watari?' Ryuzaki asked, frowning slightly.

'It's Near, Ryuzaki.' Watari said, not worried enough to make me worry about Near, but I stood, curious, ready to follow Ryuzaki to wherever he was going.

'What is it?' Ryuzaki repeated.

'Beyond said he will kill him if you don't succeed within ten hours.'

That was all the reasons to worry! 'What?!' I shouted out, shocked beyond believe. Why did he choose Near?

'No,' Ryuzaki said. 'I've completed the tasks, he must've…' Ryuzaki then seemed to realise something. 'He doesn't know I've completed the tasks. He probably doesn't even know that they are all here.' He frowned, turned back to the screens. 'Which means that he hasn't been able to hack into the systems yet.' He started typing things, staring at the screen like his life depended on it.

'And why do you think that is?'

We all looked up as a young female – A – walked down the stairs, looking bored out of her mind. 'You know, there's a reason Beyond wanted to keep me on a leash. I'm more useful than I look.'

Ryuzaki didn't frown, but had a blank expression as he looked at her. 'How did you get in to the system?'

A rolled her eyes. 'Oh, please. You gave me a room with internet access, a television and I had my phone because you were too chicken to search me thoroughly. I'm basically the owner of the system.'

I immediately knew I liked her. Not only because of the hacking, but because she seemed to treat L like he was nothing else but Ryuzaki. Just a guy with a name and a job. Not really L. Not the greatest detective in the world.

'And you know where he is hiding, don't you?' Ryuzaki said, ignoring the sass in the answer she'd given him.

'Of course I do,' she answered and she crosses her arms. She smiled wickedly at the man and suddenly it felt like Ryuzaki was not the smartest in the room, for a change. 'Do you want to make a deal with me, Ryuzaki?'

* * *

XxX

'But I want a way to keep in contact.'

'No, Ryuzaki. My choice. Full freedom.'

'I can't protect you if I don't know your whereabouts.'

'If I need protection, I'll call you. I'm not an idiot, Ryuzaki.' The smug smile A had been wearing faded. 'You know that.'

We were sitting around the table, me, Watari, Ryuzaki and A. Matt, Mello and Near weren't here, A had asked to keep them out of it.

A swallowed heavily before adding another demand, looking at Watari with serious eyes. 'And I want you to give every single orphan the option. Full freedom or not. Let them decide. Don't decide for them. That only screws them up. Don't make a competition of your orphanage. Don't make a mini-L factory out of it.' She looked down at the table then. 'You're not creating more L's by doing that. You're creating monsters.'

 _Beyond Birthday._ The name seemed like a silent whisper in the air. No one said it out loud, but we all knew it. _Felt_ it. But it was something between the three of them; it had nothing to do with me. At least, that was the way _I_ saw it.

Ryuzaki put his thumb to his under lip. 'I can't promise you that.' He turned to the man next to him, the man who raised him. 'Watari?'

Watari wasn't looking at anyone, but was staring at the table. 'I will step away from the orphanage soon and Roger doesn't even like children. I know for a fact that Hannah will never allow any of her children to become monsters.'

That wasn't a guaranteed "yes", but A seemed to accept it, because she nodded. 'Then that's everything. Everything I want.'

'What about Matt?' I couldn't help but ask.

She gave me a patient smile. 'Well, that's up to him, isn't it?' She looked at me like she thought me young and foolish. Perhaps I was. Then she stood. 'I will show you all the hide-outs I know of, as well as the phone numbers he's used and all the information about Beyond I either have or remember.'

Ryuzaki stood as well. 'And I promise I will protect you from him for as long as he lives and I assure you full freedom for the remainder of your life. As much freedom as you please, that is.'

A held out her hand then, clearly wanting L to shake it. He stared at it, though I knew this wouldn't be the first time he'd shake someone's hand, I knew this was different. But, after a short hesitation, he took the hand. But almost immediately let it go after.

I couldn't keep quiet. 'If you start rubbing your hand clean, I will yell at you.'

What I didn't expect was that my remark made A laugh.

'Nine hours left, Ryuzaki,' Watari then said and in one moment, we were all back in the real world.

* * *

XxX

'How do we get him to stop?'

'Can't we just show him that I have my memories back? And they're all here, even A, and she was playing Kira for him, right?'

A shook her head. 'That won't work. Too stubborn. He'll say that you're lying and he probably has his Death Notes again, takes away from me the moment I stopped answering his calls. He must already know I'm gone, just like those three.'

We were looking at screens, trying to find the hide-out Beyond was using. Why weren't Shinigami eyes useful in this kind of situation? I tried very hard to keep them under control right now. Because I felt like A's name, as well as everyone else's was none of my business. But I knew I still had to explain more to L and I knew he must be curious, but he was choosing his priorities. First everyone's safety, then his curiosity.

'Shouldn't he be coming after you, then?' I asked, frowning.

A shrugged. 'Don't know. He only comes after me if he needs me. L is usually his priority and either he is so busy with L that killing me is lower on the bucket list, or he has already figured out that I'm probably here and wants to kill two birds with one stone.'

That sounded logical, but I didn't like how she explained everything to me like I was really stupid. I suddenly understood what it felt like to be treated the way Matsuda was always treated. Only I was arrogant enough to find myself less stupid.

'We need bait,' I suddenly said, which made the three other pairs of eyes looks at me. 'The moment one of us steps in full view of a camera, he'll change his course. You know it.'

'He'll know it's a trap,' A and Ryuzaki said at the same time.

'Yes, but he won't kill Near immediately, it gives us more time to find him. We don't have forever to find him and we've only cleared four places.'

'Forget it, Olivia,' A said, turning her chair towards me as she looked away from her part of the screens. 'If I know anything about L's nature, I'm pretty sure he will not let you go. He will not let himself go because he values himself too important for the investigation and he won't let Watari go because he is his assistant. And if I go, I'll be dead in minutes.'

And there was a moment, a split of a second, in which me and A suddenly got each other. _No, Ryuzaki wouldn't let me go. But I could go without him knowing. If the time was running up. I would do it._

I remembered Beyond quite clearly, even though I'd rather not. He didn't seem willing to kill me, like it was almost a defeat to do so. And maybe it was. Maybe he wanted to pleasure or killing L with his own hands before killing every single person that ever loved him.

I shivered and Ryuzaki noticed immediately, even though he was looking at his screens, sitting so close yet so far from me. 'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine,' I answered, looking back at the screens. I was looking at two different houses, both in the middle of nowhere, both with no real sign of life. But we didn't know for sure if he wasn't here. Weirdly enough, looking at security footage like this reminded me of keeping an eye on the Yagami-family. That had been the time I was always with L in a room, getting used to his existence. Maybe back then, too, I was already falling. I still was. Feelings seemed to have no end sometimes.

And I started to wonder if death was one of those endless things, too.

* * *

XxX

We had three hours left, but Beyond didn't get into contact. It was killing us all, I knew. And every hour, A and me would share a glance and I would be more and more determined. Beyond could hurt me, yes, but I trusted Ryuzaki enough to know that he would not let me die. And A wouldn't either. During the fifth hour, she had slipped me something small and sticky and I recognised it as a chip of some kind, covered in skin glue. How she'd managed to get this during a short bathroom break, I was unsure, but when no one was looking at me, I lifted up my hair and pressed it at the back of my neck. High enough so that it wouldn't be a tradition place to hurt me. If he were to beat me up like he did last time, the chip would still be save.

The eternity of the third our was pretending. I pretended I got sleepier and sleepier, I pretended so fell that even Watari offered to get some coffee for me. But I knew what I was waiting for. At the end of the day, Ryuzaki's arrogance was predictable.

'You can get some sleep,' Ryuzaki said when they were barely two and a half hours left. 'I'll take over your duties.'

'We could get Matt or Mello to help,' Watari suggested.

'No,' A and L said at the same time. The lonely detectives at work.

I pretended to not like Ryuzaki's idea of me getting some sleep, but then I yawned again, not entirely forced, as I was starting to get tired, and stood. 'Fine, I'll get some sleep. Promise to wake me up in an hour or so.'

'Will do,' Ryuzaki responded, but I could easily detect the lie.

As I walked out, I turned to look at A one more time. She only nodded at me, still looking at her screens. Another talent both she and Ryuzaki possessed. I knew she would help me get out with nobody noticing. But that wouldn't be that hard, since no one was watching headquarters right now. There were cameras that showed Matt, Near and Mello, yes, but nothing else. All the other screens were a part of the search party. I would escape. And I knew I would regret it at some point.

But priorities could be unfortunate sometimes.

* * *

XxX

It took less than an hour for him to find me. And it wasn't even him who came to pick me up. It was man, his uniform told me he was probably a teacher. And he was probably being controlled by a Death Note, for he grabbed me without saying anything and pulled me in his car before driving away. We drove in silence until we reached a big warehouse, far from the live of the city. Far from help. Far from Ryuzaki.

He pushed me out and I did not resist one moment. I let him pull me inside the warehouse, let him chain me against one of the metal stairs. And then the voice came, much more terrifying now that I heard it in person again.

 _'_ _Why is it that when I try to get to L these days… I always end up with you?'_ the voice said, clearly not amused.

I managed a grin, even though I couldn't find Beyond anywhere. 'I don't know. You tell me.'

' _I'm sorry, but I don't feel like chatting with you._ '

'Why don't you show yourself?' I asked.

A laugh. ' _Oh, silly, you think I'd do that? I'm not even there. I decided that I wanted to take some… repercussions. Since A is probably with you and that girl always had a nasty habit of not keeping her promises. I mean, if the police come anywhere near to where you are, I'll simply move you again. Did you think a tracking device would stop me from getting what I want?_ '

I stopped grinning. I stopped smiling. Because I realised that he wasn't here. Yes, we might have found this place and maybe with some tracking skills they could find him, but it wouldn't be a short mission. It wouldn't be as easy as I'd thought.

Beyond Birthday wouldn't kill me, I believed that.

But I had also believed that he wouldn't have enough time to break me.

'What is it that you want?!' I shouted, desperate, looking at my handcuffs with dread.

' _Oh, isn't that easy?_ ' Beyond asked, his voice louder, as if he turned up the volume. ' _I want L. I want him to lose. I want him to admit it. I want him to kill me._ '

* * *

 **XxX**

 **So close to the end, Jesus Christ, I'm seriously scared. Anyway, sorry for the irregular updates, I don't like it either, but I'm back and I'm here and I'm sorry. So. Yeah. Thank you for reading and hang in there! We can get through the end together!**

 **ALSO, yes, the Shinigami eyes thing will be explained better later, just you wait! I hope it makes sense by the time the explanation is here, but. Yeah. Anyway. Bye!**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **To all the guest reviews: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I find it difficult to reply to each of you separately, but I'm here to thank you and I hope you'll continue to love this story in the future! Until soon!**

 **-sparrow: Thank you! And I will, don't worry ;)**

 **bored411: yeah, I know it's confusing, that's why I said I would explain in future chapters, explanation coming bit by bit. And thank you!**

 **AuroraStargazers: Hello! *throws flowers and sparkles in the air* And yayy screaming and squealing, the good kind I hope! And Near, boy, that boy has problems xD. And the Shinigami eyes will be explained, no worries. And thank you! I always wanted to put that scene in and wasn't sure where, so good to know it was kind of the right place :). And I have endless patience with you, don't worry. Thank you for reading and reviewing, sweetheart! Hugs and thanks! – Sofia**

 **EmeraldHeart12: Ha, I get what you mean! When Light isn't an all awful Kira-person, I mean. I like to think that the endless nothingness helps him reflect on his actions. And yes, what is Near up to indeed… *evil laugh* And thank you and until next time! – Sofia**

 **Laura: Hahaha. Jux, please tell Laura that she needs to get more sleep and probably less Redbull. And I'm the biggest spell and grammar failure, so go ahead and mess with the language, I can understand it. Don't oversugar or undersleep yourself! (and yes, those are real words now. Ssh, it's true).**

* * *

 **XxX**


	58. They Lied to Me

**I'm back! It's getting scary, isn't it? Ending coming closer and closer. I think maybe this story will have a total of sixty chapters. Maybe not, maybe more. But it** ** _would_** **be a pretty amount to end on. But don't know, don't think I can tie all the loose ends in three chapters, so we'll just have to wait and see. Anyway, enjoy!**

 ****DISCLAIMER I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **58\. They Lied to Me**

It took until there were sixty minutes left until Watari noticed that something was wrong. Ryuzaki was always distant during cases, but this… it was almost like he wasn't worried in the slightest.

'Ryu—'

Ryuzaki cut him off before he could ask his question. 'A, you've been staring at me. What's the problem?'

'Well. Shouldn't you go wake Olivia?' she asked innocently, the worry only an undertone in her voice.

'Why don't you?' Ryuzaki shot back and Watari was surprised at the hint of hostility in his voice.

'Fine,' A spat, standing and turning her heels, stamping through the room until she reached the door.

That was the exact moment Watari decided to ask Ryuzaki what was going on, in those exact words. 'May I ask what's going on, Ryuzaki? You don't seem worried about Near at all.'

'That's because I am not,' Ryuzaki replied, not looking away from the screens.

'Pardon? Ryuzaki, Near is a child!' Watari sputtered.

Ryuzaki looked down for a second before continuing his work. 'I didn't say I wasn't concerned for Near's well-being. I'm only saying that BB does not have the equipment he needs to kill Near. As least, not without coming here and walking right into my arms.'

Watari closed his laptop partly, so that he could focus more on the young man he was talking to. 'But… He has the Death Notes.'

'No, he does not. A's lying,' Ryuzaki said, not looking away from the screen.

Watari frowned. 'Pardon?'

Ryuzaki almost sounded bored as he spoke. 'She's not an idiot. She wouldn't leave the Death Notes behind, the chance of BB getting to them and killing her would be too big. _But_ BB is threatening Near's life in a way that would make us think that he has the Death Notes. Case and point: A is lying.'

'So… you think she's still working for Beyond?' Watari said, founding trouble saying the name.

'There's about a 97.49 percent chance of that being the case, yes,' Ryuzaki replied. 'Probably not the way _he_ 'd wanted to. I think she grabbed the Death Notes and ran, found a way to contact him now. I don't think they have a collaborative plan, though, since she couldn't audibly have made contact without the microphones picking it up. But coded messaging…'

'What do you assume she is doing, then?' Watari asked, trying to piece together what Ryuzaki was saying while also thinking ahead. A having the Death Notes meant that they should've inspected her more once she came here, right?

'I assume she is helping Beyond in the best way she can. Also, the Death Notes aren't here, if you're wondering,' Ryuzaki added as if he'd read Watari's mind. 'She would be a fool if she'd brought them here. She must've hidden them somewhere before we found her.'

'Why would she, though?' Watari finally asked, not able to piece everything together himself, frustratingly so. Was there ever a time where he could keep up with Ryuzaki easily? He couldn't quite remember if that was ever the case.

'Because she wants Beyond Birthday to succeed, of course,' Ryuzaki said, finally turning to look at Watari. 'The two people in the world getting in the way of her freedom are me and BB. She has made this deal with me in the hope that I would not realise that she was lying. And, with helping BB succeed, she can get rid of him, too. Giving herself full freedom without having to do much of anything.'

'She wants you to kill Beyond,' Watari said, the realisation coming of him. Of course, it made perfect sense.

Ryuzaki nodded. 'Yes. I just haven't figured out how she is going to get me to do such a thing.'

And then, as if on cue, A came waltzing back in with a faked shocked expression. Ryuzaki narrowed his eyes as he looked at her.

'O-Olivia, she—she's gone!'

* * *

XxX

'Why would you _want_ that?' I said, shocked, frustrated. 'Why go through all that trouble just to die?'

' _Because_ ,' he said, sounding more amused than annoyed, ' _it proves a point_.'

I could hear it then, him, about to hang up the phone. And I wasn't sure what to do when he did. 'Wait! Stop!' I said, not sure what I was going to say next.

' _What?_ ' Beyond asked. ' _Are you going to plead for your life? Or are you going to plead for mine? I will play games, sweetheart, but I'm bored with playing games with you._ '

'Then don't!' I shouted, which might have been a stupid move, since I had no other excuses left. I tried to remember everything I had ever learned. I remembered an essay I had once read about the psychology of a psychopath. But I hadn't psychoanalysed Beyond yet and I for the life of me could not remember his profile.

" _Sometimes, a person cannot differentiate between a game or life and death. It's then that his actions become unpredictable and dangerous. A person can a victim as well as a pawn. In order to keep him from harming others, keeping him in a relatively save part of his own game could help with gaining time."_

'You want to play games with L, don't you?' I asked, knowing I had peaked his interest without being able to hear or see a response.

' _Why do you ask?_ ' he said, his voice bored again. _He is going to hang up,_ I thought. _I don't know what he is going to do when he does._

'L will come here, won't he? Looking for me. You know he will!'

A short laugh which sounded distorted because it was over the phone. _You'll have to do a lot better than that, sweetheart. But stay tuned, I'll let you listen to my next step."_

* * *

XxX

This wasn't something Ryuzaki had accounted for. It hadn't been a thought out scenario that A would use Allison to win this game. But it was clear to him that she had.

'Get out,' he spat.

A's eyes widened. 'Excuse me?'

'Back into you cell, now. _Now,'_ Ryuzaki repeated when she didn't move.

Ryuzaki sighed, exasperated. 'Watari,' he said in an ordering tone.

Watari did not need more. He walked up to A and grabbed her upper arms. He started pulling her out of the room, as A started to protest: 'No, wait! What is this? Ryuzaki, explain! Full freedom! _Full freedom!_ Remember!'

Ryuzaki tried to smile at her. 'Yes, but I made that deal with someone whose crimes I could forgive for the sake of higher morals. Selling an innocent young woman to the enemy is, in fact, not a crime I can forgive.'

A's eyes widened further as she realised what he meant. What he'd figured out. 'She wanted to!' she protested, knowing that it would get her nowhere, as Ryuzaki already knew that Near had never been in any direct danger and so Olivia's sacrifice had been for nothing.

And then the familiar ringing of Watari's phone, the only one with a phone around here. Ryuzaki picked it up, already knowing who it was without checking.

'Hello Beyond,' he said.

' _You sound calm,_ ' Beyond responded. ' _I assume that's to be expected. Did A tell you I don't have the Death Notes?_ '

'In a way, she did, yes,' Ryuzaki answered.

Beyond Birthday did not seem to like this response at all. ' _You think you have nothing to fear, don't you? Well, here's a deal. Considering that you already know that A still has the Death Notes, let's make a deal. Olivia in exchange for the Death Notes._ '

'How will I know you will not just kill her?' Ryuzaki asked, already quite aware of the situation. 'You gave me nothing to go on.'

' _You have all the means to figure out where she is, promise me,_ ' Beyond replied. ' _There a man who has a gun up to Olivia's head. If you don't deliver the Death Notes to me – on your own, I will have her killed. Right here. Right now. And don't even think about just shooting the man I hired. He is just an innocent man._ '

Ryuzaki did not need much more information. 'How did you get a slave without the Death Notes?'

A smug smile sounded through in Beyond Birthday's voice. ' _I still had some lying around, though I must admit that he is one of my last ones and he does not have many days left. Since A has decided she isn't going to write names for me anymore, I have indeed no resource. So this is your time limit. He is to obey my every order. Right before he dies, he will shoot Olivia. So don't be late.'_

'What's my deadline?' Ryuzaki spat.

' _Hmm… let's keep that a mystery, shall we? I would much enjoy to see you dance, not knowing how long the song's going to be._ '

'Don't test me, Beyond,' Ryuzaki threatened.

' _Well, simply kill me then. Kill me and I won't be there to order the man to shoot her._ ' So arrogant.

Could you order another person to kill someone? Probably not, it seemed unlikely, even to Ryuzaki. But then he remembered what Allison had told him about the other side, calling her, wanting her.

Did he want to take the risk?

'I don't know where the Death Notes are,' Ryuzaki said, giving into the challenge.

' _That's okay,_ ' Beyond replied nonchalantly. ' _You have A, go ask her, she'll know. You have more than enough time. Or… do you?_ '

Beyond Birthday hung up the phone before Ryuzaki could utter another word.

* * *

XxX

'You,' I said to the man who now had a gun raised against my head. 'How long do you have left?'

I had tried to shout, but Ryuzaki hadn't been able to hear me. Beyond could hear me now, though, and decided to answer.

' _The maximal time to plan a death ahead of time is thirty. The last time A wrote down a name for me was… 29 days and 21 hours ago, give or take a few minutes._ '

 _3 hours_. I had three hours. Ryuzaki had three hours. Was it enough?

It took me a while to figure out that I had been trapped because of A. Not because she wanted to help me, no, she was one of the culprits, the way both Beyond and Ryuzaki spoke about her had told me enough.

It was like Beyond had wanted to make sure I knew that. In a weird way, I was thankful for that. Thankful that I heard Ryuzaki's voice as he decided he would try to save me.

And, even though I didn't want to think like that, I was happy I got to hear his voice at least one more time, if this was the moment I would finally die.

I was by far not arrogant enough to think my death would mean a lot to a lot of people. Matsuda would be sad, yes, but he'd get over it. Sanami would cry sometimes, but live with it in the end. I had been an unwanted presence in her life, after all. Yagami was probably still moruning Light, no room to mourn for me. And Ryuzaki… L… Lawliet. Whatever he was, whoever he was. I couldn't see him grieving for anyone, let alone me. Regret, yes, that was something I could see. But grieve? I couldn't picture it, it seemed so impossible.

And that was good, wasn't it? You should never wish your loved ones anything ill or unbecoming. My death would be so much worse if I knew I'd be hurting people. Hell, there were enough times where I felt like I _should_ be dead for all the awful things I did, I wanted, I _felt_. Wasn't it my time, then? Wasn't it enough?

I tried to talk to the man in front of me, but he wouldn't react and after a while, I just gave up. I stared up at the ceiling, tired, waiting. For Beyond's voice, for news, for my death, anything.

Was this what it was like to sacrifice yourself? I felt like a saved very little for the price I was paying. I was saving no one.

 _Ryuzaki will come to save you, Ryuzaki will come to save you,_ I reminded myself, but even that became annoying. Yes, he could very well save me. But was this then how it was going to be? Me getting captured and he saving me? I wasn't Lois Lane and he wasn't Superman. That wasn't a relationship, that was plain stupidity on my part. _This_ had been plain stupidity on my part. Why I trusted A instead of Ryuzaki, just because I wanted to save Near?

Because I wanted to save Near. Not to keep him alive, but to prove I was a great addition to the team. Or to prove that I was – at least – part of the team. But I only now realised that my actions only distanced me from being part of the team. But it wasn't like Ryuzaki was all for teamwork, anyway, so maybe I shouldn't feel too guilty. But I still did.

Because Ryuzaki couldn't grieve perhaps, but he could regret.

And I knew that he would regret not saving me, even if it wasn't his fault.

* * *

XxX

'Give me that,' Ryuzaki said, ripping the device out of her hand.

'I was _going_ to give you it anyway, asshole,' A said, rolling her eyes. Here she was again, in the same situation, though so very different. Locked up.

Maybe she shouldn't have tried to be clever. Killing two birds with one stone might have been so ambition when dealing with L and BB. But she'd tried. And she believed she would've succeeded. If Beyond had killed Olivia, or hurt her, she truly believed that Ryuzaki wouldn't be as opposed to killing him as he had before.

Now Ryuzaki had her device, showing where the tracker was and so, where Olivia was. Beyond probably wouldn't be there, he wasn't _that_ stupid, but there was always the chance that he'd removed the chip.

Ryuzaki handed the device to Watari before turning back to A. 'Where are the Death Notes?' he asked, answering all her unanswered questions.

'Ooh, so he proposed a switch, huh,' she said, crossing her arms. 'Should I tell you?'

She was going to tell him, of course. Before, she could've walked away from Olivia's grave without guilt. Now, it was as clear as daylight that that was not going to happen. And she could never look at Matt again, not when they both knew that she had indirectly killed someone he knew. Maybe even liked, at one point. She wasn't sure, but it was enough to make her at least a tiny bit jealous.

'Don't do that,' Ryuzaki said, very much on edge.

She pulled up an eyebrow. 'Alright, then, cowboy. You're the second person to be so curious about the Death Notes whereabouts.'

That sparked Ryuzaki's interest. Good. 'What do you mean _the second person_?'

'Near asked me a while ago,' she answered innocently. 'What? Did you not keep an eye on the other three? Oh my, Matt can handle it, but are you sure Mello didn't kill Near? Or the other way around, that kid is surprisingly prime evil.'

Well, all children were, in her opinion. But Near was a lot more sneaky than she'd expected.

Watching A with glaring eyes, Ryuzaki grabbed his phone and dialled a number. Watari, probably, knowing him.

'Watari,' Ryuzaki said into the phone and A rolled her eyes because he was so goddamn predictable. 'Go check on Near and the others.' Ryuzaki kept looking at her as he spoke. 'I think one of them may have left.'

* * *

XxX

Near was gone. Ryuzaki didn't know where, but he was gone. A had told him the Death Notes were in a locker in the train station and it took about ten minutes before Watari had found Near getting the Death Notes from there and leaving.

What was that child doing?

Using one of his other aliases, since L was now known as the traitor detective who'd turned into Kira, thanks to Beyond Birthday, Ryuzaki managed to get a police investigation team on finding Near, Matsuda regrettable being the team leader, but Ryuzaki didn't want to waste any more time. He appointed Watari as head of the investigation now and left, into a taxi to follow the tracking device.

There were option, of course. Beyond would be watching the building. He hadn't said anything about killing Olivia if he came too close, though he was sure it was implied. But he had Olivia as his pawn right now, his advantage. He wouldn't give that up if he could help it. At least, that was what Ryuzaki wanted to believe, though the probability of his statement was about 57 percent, so not actually that high.

Ryuzaki got out of the taxi at a big warehouse, the device in one hand, the other one stuck in his pocket like it wanted to disappear into the fabric. He saw the cameras, saw them watching him. He walked in plain view on purpose, even though he disliked that greatly. For a short while, he considered retreating and sending someone else, perhaps Matsuda, instead, but he was so close. And he hadn't made a stupid decision in quite a long time. One's cleverness was proven by ways of comparison. There could be no smart without stupid.

So close now, the device started to beep louder, noticeable. Why wasn't Beyond calling him telling him to back down, telling him to stop?

Suddenly, Ryuzaki could see a young girl laying on the ground. It had been years ago, but so vivid. He had been shocked when he was talking to the NPA and there she was. Behind a laptop. Typing. And she was alive and looked smart and _was_ smart. In that one moment, he had been more proud of a young girl he'd only met once and barely knew at all than any of the other orphans. Because she had nothing but herself and her circumstances to live with and she won the fight anyway. The world wasn't fair, but she had taken it down nonetheless. That young girl that had whined on the ground, slowly bleeding to death, that girl was now inside the warehouse he was so close to, possibly dying once again. Was this what Ryuzaki did to people? Did he attract danger or did danger attract him? Did he attract Allison, or did Allison attract him? Who did the world resolve around, who lived through to get to the other one? For once he had no clue how to answer a question.

The big opening to the warehouse made Ryuzaki frown. Why was it open?

 _As within, so without._

Ryuzaki walked inside. The entire place was empty. There, on the ground, lay a chip, still working, not crushed, not broken. But it hadn't done its job. It had failed, utterly failed.

She was gone.

* * *

XxX

'I need to help her,' one Shinigami said.

'You can't, you know that. Because of her lifespan, you don't know what your actions will do. You could die and she needs you alive,' he other argued.

'I am _more_ than willing to die.'

'She needs you alive. _He_ needs you alive. Don't risk dying now. She'll survive. For some reason, she survives most stupid things that would normally kill a person. It's almost unfair.'

'I think she shows potential. Have you ever seen a human with such promising talent before?' the Shinigami said, almost squalling with pride, though still worried.

'No, not really,' the other one said, shrugging. 'Then again, I never cared enough to pay attention.'

'I think the King will love her,' the Shinigami said.

'I think you should shut up and leave me alone,' the other one reacted.

* * *

XxX

 _One hour ago_

' _Less than one hour left and no call from L. Aren't you getting scared?_ '

'Why should I be scared?' I asked him. 'You're going to kill me, anyway.' I wasn't even sure whether that was true or not.

' _Well, that may be so_ ,' Beyond Birthday answered, ' _but then I have to move on to the next one, you know? I could get Near easily, or maybe Matt or Mello… Hmmm I may find pleasure in cutting Matt into tiny little pieces._ '

I swallowed. 'Don't you dare.'

Amusement seeped through the speakers. ' _Oh? Did I hit a soft spot? And here I was thinking you had the hots for L._ '

 _The hots for L._ He wanted to torment L. Even worse, he wanted to take everything from L. He had taken his reputation, only one of the three reputations he had, but still. He wanted to take every friend, every colleague, every person he might have remotely liked…

 _In order to keep him from harming others, keeping him in a relatively save part of his own game could help with gaining time._

 _The hots for L._

Games. _Games._

Sacrifice. What was sacrifice? It was giving yourself for something greater than you, something you valued more than the thing you were willing to give up. Whether it was your life, your sanity, your feelings. Your body.

'Beyond,' I said and there was a certain tone in my voice. Scared but determined. I knew he must've heard it, too.

' _What? Are we friends now? Since when do you call me that?_ ' he asked me.

I didn't reply. 'You want to torment L, don't you? You want to drive him to the brink, so there's no chance but to kill you.'

' _For a clever girl you sure ask stupid questions,_ ' was the answer a got.

Which was a 'yes'. 'I know the way,' I said.

' _Liar,_ ' Beyond fired back at me immediately. But then: ' _what is it?_ '

I stared at the stone ground under me, staring at it like it was hell itself. The place I might be throwing myself into right now. 'Me. You have me. You think I'm just some pawn, some assistant or something, but you're wrong,' I said, trying very hard not to make it sound like a lie. 'I'm much more than that. Ryuza— L is in love with me.'

A silence. A long one that shook me. Every part of me was shaking. ' _You're lying._ '

Luckily for me, I still had _one_ special secret that he did not know about. I raised my head, looking at the ceiling again and said, loudly: 'L Lawliet.'

Another silence. Shorter this time. ' _How did you… What did you just say?_ '

'You know exactly what I said,' I answered. 'And you know just as well as I that Ryuzaki would not say those words lightly. Was it prove enough? Do you believe me now when I say that yes, L is in fact in love with me?'

More silence. Then: ' _John._ '

The man with the gun straightened.

' _Bring the girl to me, John. Don't shoot her. Don't hurt her. But bring her to me. If she escapes, find the nearest crowded street and shoot all around you before shooting yourself._ '

Another silence. The man started to move towards me, freeing me from my handcuffs. _Ryuzaki will find Beyond's hide-out in time,_ I insured myself as I shakingly looking at the man as he started to pull me towards the exit with all his strength, even though I wasn't resisting much.

Beyond found it necessary to speak once more before hanging up. ' _I look forward to breaking you._ '

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Ugh, Beyond! Shut up, you're so creepy! So yeah, that happened. Boy, it's getting super, super, scary! ALSO, sorry, sorry, sorry again, but I have essays coming up, so perhaps I will be weird with updating for a bit. So if you don't see a chapter on Sunday but on Friday or Saturday or the week after that because I skipped one, I'm sorry. I try to keep it regular, but life keeps getting in the way. Anyway, thank you for reading and good night!**

 **XxX**

* * *

 **EmeraldHeart1203: I'll try to keep that in mind *puts "make sure Near does not get hurt" on the bucket list*.**

 **Assassin Nagisa: Are they? Huh. Maybe that's just the writing style, because I find Clarissa much more a feeler and Allison much more a thinker. And actually, no, they're not like me at all! I'm not as passionate as Clarissa, not as resigned as Allison and not nearly as strong as both of them! I would already be on the 'nope'-train if I were Allison in this situation. But I think they seem similar because both stories are written from their point of view and because they're different stories, I don't change my writing style much. I normally do, because then each story has its own flair, but because the story and the setting is so different, I felt like I didn't have to. So yeah, maybe they are. But they are really not like me xD I'm more like Matsuda, I think. Or A. I'm more regularly pissed off than Allison, so probably A xD. I think Clarissa values herself as much more important and capable than Allison and Allison just thinks 'to hell with me, what about all these other people?' Clarissa would've already slashed out at L at some point I bet. But yeah, I think I get why you're saying it? But I don't agree. Though I do agree with the mistakes they make. Because both Sebastian and Ryuzaki are such capable people, I want to challenge them. That's why the OC's I match them with are so flawed, if they weren't, they would be easy characters for Sebastian and Ryuzaki to handle. But they're both young, make stupid decisions and mistakes and, in the end, they need someone with more life experience to tell them what's up and what's down. Well. I went off on a bit of a rant here xD, but I hope you don't mind. Anyway, thank you for reading!**

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 **XxX**


	59. We're With You

**_Here I am, once again, I'm torn into pieces. Can't deny it, can't pretend, just thought you were the one_** **—** **Okay, now that's enough Kelly Clarkson for today. But, I am back! For how long? Don't know, hectic period with Easter and stuff. I'm doing a performance of Jesus Christ Superstar with my choir and I am once again Judas (almost like our conductor wants to tell me something…) Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter and let's get this (awful) party started!**

 ****DISCLAIMER I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **59\. We're With You**

I had pretty much given Beyond Birthday the perfect plan. Ignoring the fact that it was Ryuzaki we were talking about, a person would sacrifice almost anything to save the person they loved.

Beyond would take me, knowing that they could trace me and that they would find me. And he would do whatever he wants with me, knowing that, with me in his hands, the man who loved me would do almost anything.

The only problem was that it _was_ L we were talking about. And I wasn't sure whether L really loved me. And even if he did, I wasn't sure the basic clichés applied to him. When had he ever been cliché or normal? When Light had tried to kill me, had he personally taken his gun to kill Light? No. He hadn't. And he wouldn't.

Beyond would probably make contact with L as soon as I arrived at his destination. Telling him to come alone, because he would slit my throat if he didn't. It was fairly predictable and I always had been a fairly good police agent. He would threatened with my life, a hostage to get what he wanted. Only the thing he wanted wasn't to escape, it was to die.

To die by the hands of the man who created him.

In a way. Who knew what made Beyond the way he was. Maybe he was always like this, there are cases out there. Sometimes it's easy to become a monster.

The car stopped suddenly and my head slammed back. I could feel the glue that had kept the chip in place in my neck. It had come off, useless, left in that warehouse. I wondered if Ryuzaki was already on his way to the warehouse. I wondered what he was thinking right now. And I wondered if he brought a gun.

John didn't really hold me roughly, but he held me fiercely. A robot on a mission. He was leading me to the house, calmly, not in a rush, when he suddenly froze and let go of me, falling to the ground in pain and agony. I didn't have time to check if he would survive, and I also already knew. His three hours were up.

Right on time.

Without even thinking, I turned around and ran. Even though I was still handcuffed, I decided that that wasn't an issue right now, but Beyond finding me was. It was a quiet caravan park, not many people awake or at home. I was already two block away when I heard him shout.

'OLIVIA!'

I shuttered as I ran, the voice in real life so much worse than in memory. The memories of pain and torture were threateningly creeping up on me, but I shot them out and ran, jumping over the fence of a garden when I knew that I couldn't run much longer. It looked like the house was empty and then I noticed a sign in the garden, that probably read 'FOR SALE' or 'SOLD', but I couldn't see because this whole place was awfully lit, I couldn't even see the scratches on my wrists, left there by the handcuffs. I would have sore wrists for days at least.

Since I never bothered to ask Ryuzaki or Watari for new clothes or a washing machine I could use, I was wearing one of Ryuzaki's jeans, really comfortable actually, and one of Watari's dress shirt. I also stole a pair of Ryuzaki's white sneakers, since I knew he wouldn't really miss them anyway. Normally, inside, this was no problem, but now, the cold of the night got to me.

'OLIVIA!' he shouted again and I winced. I knew that he would be listening for my footsteps and I knew that he probably already figured out I was hiding somewhere. But I couldn't see. I couldn't see anything.

' _Stay very still._ '

I shook straight in an instant and had to use every muscle in my body to keep myself from screaming. A creature, bone and wolf-like, so different, yet so recognisable.

'Ico,' I whispered, but she immediately put her bone-like finger in front of her mouth. The message was clear. _Don't speak._

But I needed something, if anything. She was here, but did this mean? Was she the one that gave me the Shinigami eyes? She probably had all the answers. But now, I was too busy with not being capture to find answers to my questions.

' _Can you see you?_ ' I mouthed to her, since I already knew that he had some sort if Shinigami eyes.

She sighed softly, then shook her head. 'And he cannot hear me either,' she spoke. 'I'm not even able to do this! You aren't supposed to be able to see me either, but I managed to convince the Shinigami King to some capacity.'

I frowned, the question clear.

She suddenly looked ashamed. I was surprised at how human her expressions looked. Rem was a dead stone face. 'I… Um… I do not think you will like it when I tell you, so let's talk about that later.'

'OLIVIA!'

Too close. Much to close.

'Go to your right,' Ico ordered me and I complied easily, but with care. I knew nothing about her, who knew if she could be trusted or not.

'You'll need to run to the car,' Ico then said.

'I can't run much more,' I whispered as quietly as I could. 'And I think he is faster than me.'

Ico pulled a face. It was clear that she wasn't an expert in human escape tactics. Great. She was entirely useless.

I shut my eyes. I could sneak back to the car the first few miles and then sprint the last bit. The problem was, if he caught me, he would only be closer to his house, his place to lock me inside. He if caught me now, I had more room for escape.

But Ico had a point, the car _was_ there, the man – _John_ – had left the keys inside it, I had seen it myself. And he was dead now, anyway, so I wouldn't have to feel guilty about stealing his car.

I climbed over the fence of this garden to the next one, quietly, not making any sound. It went horrible slow, but I didn't hear Beyond's footsteps, so that could only be a good thing. The next garden at least didn't have a fence, so that was less risk.

'It's weird, I can't sense him at all,' I overheard Ico muttering to herself. Weird. What _was_ Beyond? Was he really a monster? Was he human? What was he if he wasn't?

I halted when a cat stopped in his tracks to stare at me. That normally wouldn't be so bad, but this cat was standing in the middle of the road, full in few.

'It can sense me,' Ico answered.

And therefore, Beyond could see me. 'OLIVIA!'

'Run!'

Ico didn't have to tell me, I was already sprinting. The car was far and my footsteps were so incredibly loud and I heard his, heard him behind me, his tempo faster, his steps probably bigger. I forced myself to keep looking forward. Looking back would only slow me down, and it would make me only more stressed.

One block away. Three caravans away, so close, so close…

Beyond Birthday slammed me on the ground with an incredible amount of power, probably because of his speed. He tried to grasp me immediately, but I used my cuffed hands to punch him off me, though it didn't do much. Beyond Birthday didn't really seem to have an aversion to pain, so his reflexes didn't respond to it as much as others' would. Before I could strike again, he grabbed my handcuffed hands and pulled them towards his chest, pulling me up with him. As soon as I stood on my own legs, I tried to kick him, but then he spun my hands around and I jolted in pain, ending up in a hunched position because of the way he twisted my bones and muscles.

'There we go,' Beyond said, breathing heavily, too. This had been too much exercise for the both of us, it seemed.

For a short while, I considered spitting in his face, but then I decided that I should perhaps not make things even harder for me, especially considering the fact that though my escape plan didn't work out so great, I had bought myself some time. Not that it mattered much. The chip was gone. L had no way of knowing where I was unless they had already found this place, something I highly doubted at this point.

Ico watched me, her eyes big. I could've ignored her, so that Beyond wouldn't know, but what did I have to lose? 'Why can I see you if he can't?'

Beyond Birthday was the one who reacted first. 'What?'

Ico came later with a stammered explanation. 'I asked the Shinigami King, since I can interfere with your life using my Death Note, I would have to contact you some other way. It would've been great if he'd listened to me from the start, because then I wouldn't have to control your actions to get you to Rem's eyes, but anyway—'

Talkative little Shinigami, wasn't she? 'I didn't ask for your life story, but thank you for the explanation,' I replied before she went on talking. Answers, I did want them, yes, but now I felt like focusing on things that happened in the past might not be such a great idea.

I didn't know Beyond Birthday well enough to be able to know what he would do to me. As he was dragging me inside now, ignoring me talking to nothing completely, I realised that I had no idea how far he was willing to go. Threaten to kill me as soon as Ryuzaki walked in? Actually killing me as soon as he walked in? Something way, way worse?

My eyes stung, but I didn't cry. Maybe my brain forgot how to cry at this point. It also seemed to forget to thing, because when Beyond let me inside a room with dark green furniture and put me down on the couch, I bit in his arm.

'You—' I saw that he was close to an angry outburst, but he kept himself composed. That could not be a good sign.

He grabbed my cuffed hands and then yanked the chain to the ground, forcing me to lay on the couch as he put the chain around the legs of the couch. That also could not be a good sign. Though, I was wondering if Beyond even knew what good signs were. And even if he did, he probably did not want to send me any right now.

Ico was still in the room, just staring at me. Like she'd never seen a human being before. 'Not to be unnecessarily mean,' I said to her, though Beyond looked up from where he was crouching in front of me as I spoke, looking away when he noticed that I wasn't talking to him, 'but you are utterly and completely useless.'

Ico opened her mouth to speak, but then shut her mouth again. 'I… I need to look for Ryuk. I… I don't like the fact that he's not her,' she then said, ignoring my remark. It sounded like an excuse for me, but when she turned to leave, I didn't stop her. Instead, I looked at Beyond as he looked at me, a question in his eyes.

'You don't seem bothered by the fact that I was talking to something that isn't really there,' I said, trying to start a casual conversation to distract him from any other plans he might have.

To my surprise, he grinned. 'I was deemed insane because of my ability to see things that others can not, do you really think I of all people would care?'

Okay, point for him. But how could I expect him to be so reasonable?

Still sitting next to the couch, leaning over me just a tiny bit too much and using one hand to keep my upper body down, he used the other hand to grab his phone and called a number. I didn't need to see the mobile screen to know who he was calling.

'Watari, how very nice to hear your voice,' Beyond said after a sort while. Then he put the mobile phone away from his ear and tapped on the speaker function. 'Where's our dear sweet L, if I may ask?'

' _Where is Olivia, Beyond?_ ' Watari said, using a stern voice that I'd never heard him use before. I suddenly could see it very clearly, Watari at the orphanage, being the stern dad with only one favourite child. In a way, Watari had many children. But in some other ways, he only had one. That couldn't feel good for all the other orphans, who were stuck with Roger as the only father figure that was around, who was constantly publicly declaring that A, he did not want to be here and B, he did not like kids. Sure, they had Hannah, but what good would father-figures like Watari and Roger do at the end of the day? Parents, it seemed, it every shape and size, were all bound to make mistakes. Some bigger than others.

I only noticed Beyond was looking at my when I looked up at him with something similar to grief or pity in my eyes, which seemed to surprise him, but not for very long. 'Why don't you answer?' Beyond asked me.

'Because I don't even know where I am,' I said, every words bitingly angry. My arms were stuck under the couch and I couldn't really move much, but I felt the need to try and bite his arm again, just for good measure.

Beyond clacked his tongue. 'You can do better than that.'

Then Watari responded. ' _Olivia? Thank god you're okay. Please, just… hang on… Just hang on, will you? We will rescue you. We always do._ '

Like a true damsel in distress. God, I was pathetic! I clenched my teeth to keep my sudden irritation to myself, but I could tell Beyond noticed it. Not only that, he seemed to enjoy it. And he also seemed curious.

'Just ask L to call me back as soon as you reach him,' Beyond said, looking at me while talking, that curiosity still clear on his face. 'Tell him to hurry up.'

' _No, Beyond, listen to me, you cannot just—_ '

Whatever Beyond "could not just do" would be a mystery for the both of us, because Beyond hung up the phone before he could finish, staring at me in silence for a while.

Whatever he thought he saw in my face that was interesting him, I was trying to hide it. 'What is it?' I tried so say it angrily or bitter at least, but it just sounded panicky. Pathetically cliché. No matter what else I wanted to be, I ended up being the person needing rescue. So damn stupid. What did I go to police academy for?

I kick try to kick him, but the angle he was holding me at was smart, I would more probably hurt myself then him. And I couldn't move my head enough to headbutt him.

'You are annoyed,' Beyond then suddenly concluded.

'Why shouldn't I be?' I asked him, raising my eyebrows.

'No, not with me,' he went on, being much too observant. 'With _him_.'

'I'm not,' I said, biting back a "you idiot" that I almost added to the answer. 'I am angry at myself.'

That made him frown slightly. 'Why, if I may ask?'

'Because I seem to be terrible at doing anything on my own and it's annoying the crap out of me,' I replied.

'Oh, don't be so harsh on yourself. Every story needs a damsel,' Beyond said, his hand on my stomach still pressing me down, but now I felt one of his fingers playing with one of the buttons of Watari's shirt.

 _Oh god, no_. 'Yes, but I prefer to be something less pathetic,' I said, tried to keep him talking. Why wasn't L calling back? Where was he off to that was so much more important? Even if he didn't come in time, just to get the chance to hear his voice, to say goodbye, even if I wouldn't be able to say it in words. There should be a way I could tell him that nothing was his fault. This was all on me. 'And who says this is a story, anyway?'

'Isn't everything a story?' Beyond asked me, tilted his head to the side slightly. He was still wearing his L-make-up, but I could always see Beyond under it. Also, he wasn't wearing L-clothes. He was wearing a black sweater with dark pants. Darkness. Less visible. In a weird way, he was dressed more like how I would dress, and I was dressed more like how L dressed. Dark colours, blue and white. The mingled really well for some reason.

'If this is a story, I prefer to not be in it,' I replied after a while, remembering that I was supposed to keep him talking.

Wrong answer, he smiled amusedly and let his hand slide to the lowest button, undoing it. 'That can be arranged.'

I forced my eyes shut and bit on my under lip so hard I could feel the skin break. And then I decided that I could manage a hurt leg and swept it to the side, which ended up with me half on the couch, the other half was halfway to the ground. My left leg had hit him against his side, but he had barely moved, since I couldn't get the right angle to really hurt him.

'Well,' Beyond said, still intrigued, not making any attempt to put me back to place, which was good for now, as I was laying on my stomach because of the twist I made to be able to hit him. No buttons to undo where reachable now. 'You seem a little hot-headed today. Better than before. More interesting.'

'I _hate_ you,' I said bitterly.

For some reason, that made him laugh. 'I can see the appeal in hating me. But can't you acknowledge that there's some appeal in agreeing with me, too?'

'Are you insane?' I said, considering spitting in his face. Though, knowing him, he would probably spit me right back.

'Clinically speaking? Yes. In context of this conversation? Hmm… I don't think so.' He stood then, giving me room, but also making it impossible for me to hurt him. Still, I used this space to crawl somewhat back up, not on the couch, but on the floor, close to the couch. I looked at what he'd done to the chain of the handcuffs, but it looked more complicated than anything I had learned. Okay, so I would simply have to lift the couch. I tried it carefully, once, and it immediately told me that this would take some strength. Not impossible, but I would need some time and room to do it.

'Yes, go ahead, make yourself comfortable,' said Beyond Birthday as he walked to the cupboard in the room and got some things out of it. I couldn't see well what he was doing, but he was probably grabbing some kind of weapon, so I braced myself. Maybe he would need to go into the kitchen to get a knife. That would be my time to lift the couch and run. 'In a short while, I don't think you'll be able to feel whether you are comfortable or not.'

I froze when I saw what he had in his hands. A needle. No, not a needle. A syringe. 'What are you doing to do?' I asked carefully, sounding scared for the first time since coming in here. Or, rather, after being pulled in here.

Beyond turned to look at me, almost with an innocent face. He looked so similar to Near all of the sudden that I found myself shuddering. 'Well, let's just say that you're not being very cooperative today, so I thought it would be great to give you some way to relax.'

No, no, no, no, no. As he came closer, I backed up more and more against the wall, even though there was no backing up left to do. 'Please don't,' I begged, wishing that there was some human part in Beyond Birthday that would feel sorry enough for me to just let me sit here and wait until Ryuzaki came for the rescue.

But then something I didn't imagine happened. Something in his face did break and I truly did see something like regret, something that was so quickly gone I wasn't even sure it had really been there. 'I'm sorry,' he told me, not sounding like the truth at all. But not exactly like a lie, either. 'But it's better this way, I promise.'

* * *

XxX

When I awoke, I found myself completely and utterly numb. He'd put me back on the couch and I knew not much time could've passed, for I could still feel the sting of the syringe so clearly. The only thing he'd done in the time I was uncurious, was put be back on the couch and removing Watari's shirt completely. Now I should be freaked out by that, but I wasn't, simply because I was thankful that I hadn't been awake when he removed it. And I was still wearing a white top and a bra, so it wasn't like I was naked. Maybe this was all he would do. Maybe he thought this would anger L more than enough.

But then I realized Beyond Birthday was on the phone. Not only that, he was focused. And… amused. Walking in front of the couch in a circle as he spoke. I couldn't hear the person on the other side of the line, but it was clear as daylight.

'The game is over until I say so, or until you finally decide to end it,' Beyond said. 'You can come to the address I gave you alone, or you come with a team and I'll make sure to hurt her before one of your teammates shoot me to save _her_. The final result is the same.'

I tried to turn my head to look at him better when I realized that I… couldn't. I tried to move my legs, my fingers. I couldn't. I then realized that me being unconscious may have been a more natural reaction than whatever he gave me. The desired result was me not being able to move. Which could only mean bad things.

Beyond hung up and looked at me and then I saw it again, the same face he pulled when I'd begged him not to. It wasn't pity and now that I looked at it a second time, it wasn't regret either. It seemed like a face that shouted: 'what am I doing?'

I suddenly didn't see Beyond standing in front of me. I saw all of them. I saw Near, Matt and Mello. I saw Linda, Quinn, Alice, Paul even Kai. Children who all probably had no idea what they were doing either. Which one of them would end up on the side of the rails, too? And who was going to feel responsible for their demise?

I tried to speak, but my mouth wouldn't work. I then realised that I probably wouldn't be able to ask him the question I wanted to ask him so badly: 'Do you know why Ryuzaki is so unwilling to kill you?'

Because I doubted he knew. Or maybe he did. Who knew, he was a smart young man.

With one sigh, he out the evil mask back on. 'Seems like Ryuzaki will play by my rules for now. He will be here in roughly thirty-five minutes, which is more than enough time, don't you think?'

Beyond Birthday kneeled down beside he couch again, leaning his face so close to mine I could smile his shampoo and make-up. 'Let's have some fun, shall we?'

I always found the idea of Sleeping Beauty and Snow White a nasty one, since it probably wouldn't be great to kiss someone who was unmoving and still. Like kissing the dead. Like kissing a corpse. Which, according to some people, that's exactly what the princes did.

But I had never, ever expected to be on the receiving end of such a kiss. When Beyond grabbed my head with one hand and closed his mouth over mine, I suddenly felt sorry for poor Sleeping Beauty and Snow White. In love for not, there was literally no consent and no way of saying "no". Though, in my case, it probably wouldn't change a thing.

The similarity lay in the _way_ Beyond kissed me. He didn't kiss me like he wanted to devour me, he didn't kiss me like he loved or treasured me. He loved me like… he had to. Like I was a corpse that he had to free from its curse.

He broke away almost instantly and I suddenly realized that, though Beyond was a murderer, he had never been this kind of criminal before. I was quite certain I had just been his first kiss. And he looked at my face and then at my top, almost as if he wanted _me_ to remove it myself. And then he turned with a frustrated sigh and walked to the cupboard again, taking out a pair of scissors. Well, I suppose that was an easier way of getting rid of the clothes.

But I suddenly didn't feel scared anymore. Because, for some reason, right now, I was confident that Beyond Birthday wouldn't be able to play his own game.

Murder, yes, but taking someone's life in its entirety was sometimes more merciful than taking only a part. After death, you were free. After torture, you were bound to it until death.

Dying wouldn't be so bad, I had done it so many times before. Maybe this was the void of death finally claiming what had been his since the moment Ryuzaki found me back when I was a child. Maybe that was why Ico could suddenly reveal herself, because she knew I was going to die anyway.

If my muscles would allow me, maybe I would've smiled. Maybe dying wasn't so bad, after all.

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 **XxX**

 **What? No L in this chapter? I was surprised, too, not going to lie. And I actually got sick this weekend, so sorry if this is kind of late.**

 **Anyway, I am going to sleep now, because my throat and head are screaming bloody murder (when are they finally going to give me a break…). But thank you all so much for reading and thank you for the patience and kindness that you always give me! Until next time!**

 **Also, before I go, I said I could be wrapping up at 60, but no way that's all going to fit, so don't worry, we still have a few chapters more!**

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 **XxX**

 **palome33: Thank you for taking the time to read it, I love to write it! :)**

 **EmeraldHeart1203: I know, right! I made her just likable enough that you forget that she has helped Beyond Birthday for years, I mean, come on, there has to be something wrong with her at least ;) And you're welcome! I like protecting my little biscuit. And sorry Near wasn't in this chapter, but I hope you'll like the way his story turns out in the end ;D**

 **Ravenclaw Heronstairs: Thank you so much! Also,** ** _love_** **your username, by the way ;D**

 **AuroraStargazers: I know I don't want to ending to be so Near either (GET IT?! Okay. I'll stop.) and I actually already expended the original storyline I had in my head a lot and it's still too soon. I'm not ready, no one's ready, I don't want to. And I don't think I'll write a sequel, but some extra chapters on the side is certainly a possibility. Good luck with everything and talk to you again soon!**

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 **XxX**


	60. I Think I Know Your Secret

**Hey hey hey! I'm back! Sorry for the wait! It's really frustrating to be so busy, because I'll never know when I'll have time to write. It's really unfortunate, but anyway.**

 **And I'll warn you guys now, this chapter has a** ** _big_** **change in the canon. Don't hate it, don't hate me, please. I have been planning this for quite some time, but now that I'm writing it, I'm afraid that you guys won't like it. Anyway, here it goes.**

 ****DISCLAIMER I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

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 **XxX**

 **60\. I Think I Know Your Secret**

At university, one of my professor once told us to just observe behaviour, just to check if we could spot the criminal and his way of acting, of thinking, doing. It always seemed like a stupid exercise to me. There were no criminals on campus. Not the once _I_ wanted to catch, anyway. The horny teenagers who harassed others were different, because they didn't _look_ like anything. Psychos did. Murders did.

I had never really tried to read Beyond as much. I already knew what he was, there were already more than enough criminal profiles on him. But as he was standing over me with scissors, just not getting why he was doing it and just not wanting to, I realised that I should An unfeeling, crazy psychopath wouldn't care so much, wouldn't stand there looking down at me as if he'd never seen a girl before. No, it wasn't that.

He was looking at me like he had never wanted to do this to any girl before. And probably never will.

I thought about it for a while, a short while. He was standing still now, hesitating, but I had no guarantee that he would be frozen forever.

Okay, so what _were_ the side effect?

 **One, you start to think like the person is entirely unique.**

Well, that one was squared away easily enough. Beyond _did_ think that. But then again, didn't everyone? So maybe this wasn't a good one to start with.

 **Two, thinking that the person is perfect and assuming that you're worse because of it.**

Well, I never had any deep conversations with Beyond about what he thought about himself, but I couldn't remember anything that went against this statement, so I just decided to let this one go.

 **Three, adversity drives closer.**

Well, I think Beyond Birthday's whole life was easily summed up by using the word 'adversity'. Did it bring them closer? Not sure. Doesn't seem like it, though.

 **Number four. Obsessive behaviour regarding the person.**

Well, no question about that. He even _dressed_ like him, for God's sake.

 **Number five. Refusing separation.**

Um, I guess so? This was a pretty extreme and out there way to achieve that, though. Escaping prison, kidnaping his assumed lover. Plus, he wanted to die. In a rather specific way, but still. Did that count as separation?

 **Six. Desire to be together forever and do anything for the person.**

Well, kind of? This one was kind of backwards. Was dying by the hands of the person something that I could count as forever? Beyond _did_ seem willing to go to any lengths to get Ryuzaki to kill him. So.

 **Number seven, craving** **exclusivity.**

Hah. Yes, that one was easy enough. He seemed more possessive than a typical teenager in a romantic comedy.

 **Number eight** , **less control over actions, as feeling takes over mind.**

Um. Hah. Yeah. No idea. I wasn't sure whether Beyond Birthday was acting with his brain of with his feelings. I had never deemed it important before.

Even though, after looking at all these points and even though not all of them really fitted the picture quite perfectly, I was suddenly quite sure.

Beyond Birthday was still standing over me, staring me down, looking at me as I was thinking things through.

It was about the only thing I could figure out before Ryuzaki could. Because this was about something that he sometimes found hard to understand. This was about feelings.

'Beyond,' I asked slowly and I even heard pity in my voice filled with curiosity. 'Are you… are you in love with L?'

* * *

XxX

'Ryuzaki, the FBI agreed. They will follow your orders accordingly _,_ ' Watari said, as if Ryuzaki hadn't just heard him talk over the phone.

Ryuzaki had been hesitant for a long time, he didn't like making phone calls easier for the people who needed to listen to him, but an earpiece seemed appropriate for Watari when driving.

When Beyond Birthday called him, he did not want to pick up. He had to, of course, it give Watari time to track the number down. Not that it mattered, Beyond gave his phone number during their… conversation anyway.

He tried not to think, something he never did. He was _always_ thinking. He knew it was scientifically impossible, of course, to stop thinking. But he couldn't focus on the case when he was focused on Allison, in _his_ house, locked away. Just like all those years ago. Would he be just in time, like the last time? Or was he going to be too late?

She had said that death called her. Maybe she hadn't been as literal as Ryuzaki had interpreted it. Maybe she meant that there was always someone or something after her. But that would still be incorrect. They weren't after her because of who she was.

They were after her because of her association with _him_.

Ryuzaki didn't really believe in God. He vaguely remembered that a parental figure from his youth had been religious and he understood almost every religion, but he believed that justice could only be carried out by the people here on earth. There was no heavenly force that would save an innocent young woman. There was no special power that kept good people from getting hurt. That was why _L_ existed. And, sadly enough, that was why Kira had existed.

And Ryuzaki knew that he should hate himself for thinking it, but in that moment, he realised everything would've been different if Light had just written down Beyond's name. Maybe he had. Maybe it wasn't his real name. The orphans – every single one of them – were as much a mystery to L as L was to them. He never asked more than he had to know, simply because he wasn't planning on compensating any of them for the information given.

'Ryuzaki?' Watari said when he did not respond to his previous words.

'Understood,' was Ryuzaki's reply.

Ryuzaki saw from the corner of his eyes that Watari's mouth was hanging open, words on the edge of being spoken. But then he closed his mouth, keeping the words unsaid.

It took him roughly eighteen seconds before he spoke anyway. 'You are not seriously going to do what he asks of you, are you?'

'Rephrase in a way I can clearly understand and answer,' Ryuzaki said, not responding.

'Are you going to kill him, Ryuzaki?' Watari rephrased.

'That wasn't your original question,' Ryuzaki said, still not responding. Not wanting to respond.

'Well, it comes down to the same thing.'

 _The final result is the same_. Those words, so carefully chosen. So… something Ryuzaki himself would have said.

'Ryuzaki?' Watari asked again when Ryuzaki once more did not respond.

Silence as Ryuzaki just stared at him in the dark. The sun was gone now, the night seemingly showing them that this wasn't going to be a light situation.

Whatever Watari saw in Ryuzaki's eyes, he must've found his answer, because he looked away after a short while, his breathing calm, but his hands held the steering wheel just a tiny bit too well.

'We're almost there,' Watari warned Ryuzaki then and Ryuzaki made a point of averting his eyes and looking out of the car's window.

* * *

XxX

A caravan park. It was a common hiding place for the lower class of criminals and it almost did not seem good enough for someone like Beyond Birthday.

As soon as Ryuzaki thought that, he shook his head. _Good enough_. As if he had some sort of rank.

Light Yagami did. Always had. And in a weird way, even while knowing what he most probably was, he was intrigued. Friends? No. That wasn't something Ryuzaki could comprehend. Enemies? Perhaps. Equals? Surely.

And that was the thing that bothered him the most about Olivia. When she treated him like an equal, she was brilliant and radiant and interesting. But when she treated him like she was less, like he was above her somehow, he just saw this girl who was stuck in her teenage years forever, a girl who could never have the strength needed to stay by his side. And he _needed_ her to stay by his side, even though he could not find the logic behind it at all. Well, Matt had told him that love rarely made sense.

He reached the right place and hoped that the team the FBI had sent would listen. He had refrained from putting on an earpiece himself, but he was wearing a microphone, so they would be able to listen. But he didn't want to know where they were or if they were ready. Beyond Birthday had always been able to spot a lie.

He tried the door, small, ugly, thin. It wasn't locked.

There were many scenarios that had been created in Ryuzaki's had for the last few minutes, hours, years. Allison dying, Allison hurt, both in so many different ways that he wondered how much this work did change his way of thinking.

But what he saw was, for some reason, a bit different.

Allison was laying on the couch, not badly hurt it seemed, but her cheek was red and blood was drippling from her nose. Ryuzaki only noticed that she wasn't wearing as much clothing as usual when he spotted one of Watari's shirts on the floor. And Beyond, just sitting there across the room, on the ground, staring at her.

'What did you do?' Ryuzaki asked, surprisingly calm.

'I hid her,' Beyond answered, just as calm, 'a couple of times. She passed out.'

Ryuzaki started slowly walking up to Allison. Beyond didn't move to stop him. 'You hid her so hard she passed out?'

'Well,' Beyond said, 'she was pretty drugged to.'

 _He drugged her. Again._

Ryuzaki knelt down by the couch she was lying on and checked her pulse. Slower than usual, but steady. At least she'd live. He turned to face Beyond again. 'You didn't do anything else?'

Beyond licked his lips, Ryuzaki felt his feet slowly freeze and that had nothing to do with the fact that he was barefoot. 'I kissed her.'

A weird revelation, but not the worst thing he could have done. Still, the sudden cold Ryuzaki felt spread until it reached his shoulders, almost as if it was trying to bury him. 'Anything else you'd like to tell me?'

'I wanted to…' Beyond began, but he didn't finish. He tried again: 'I had planned to…' The word that he kept struggling with was easy enough to guess. The cold feeling swallowed Ryuzaki whole and for a few seconds, he truly wanted to take the gun he had in his pocket and shoot the man who looked so much like him right between the eyes.

But he didn't.

'But I didn't,' Beyond said, almost apologetic. Odd. Out of character. It didn't fit his profile. 'I couldn't.'

'So you are fine with killing a woman, but couldn't do it?' Ryuzaki asked, wondering if his meant something more than he was understanding. Maybe this meant that he and Beyond were even more similar.

'Forcing the live out of a hateful thing is always better than assaulting it with different intentions,' Beyond replied, but his words sounded forced. Rehearsed.

Why wasn't he taking any action? Why wasn't Beyond forcing Ryuzaki to kill him? What was his plan? Or what made the plans change, but ruined it?

'Why did you hit her, Beyond?' Ryuzaki asked and he couldn't help but notice how Beyond Birthday winced when Ryuzaki said his name.

'She said something that upset me.' Beyond even shrugged.

Ryuzaki was missing something. He was totally and utterly missing something. He did not like the feeling at all. 'Why aren't you…' He stopped, rephrased the question. 'Why are you so calm? Did you not force me here as part of your big plan?'

'So, kill me,' Beyond said, almost as if that had been part of _Ryuzaki's_ plan and not the other way around. 'I'm inconvenient, aren't I? I even tried to r— hurt your girl.'

 _Your girl._ 'Who said anything about her being mine?' Ryuzaki asked, ignoring the unspoken word once again. He couldn't. He did not want to give in. He wasn't like Light Yagami and killing Beyond here and now wouldn't make him like Light Yagami either. Light would have killed Beyond because he was a criminal. Beyond wanted Ryuzaki to kill him because that meant that Ryuzaki admitted that this was his fault and the only solution. But if Ryuzaki was to kill Beyond now, it would only be because of her. And no matter what his feeling may be, that was simply not worth it.

In regards to Ryuzaki's question, Beyond made a nod towards the unconscious girl on his couch. 'She did.'

Buying time. Probably, anyway. Ryuzaki didn't _own_ her. They hadn't talked anything out. Losing control in medical rooms and saying empty words when it suited them didn't make them anything passed what they were. Ryuzaki and Allison. Nothing less, but nothing more.

'What are you planning, Beyond?' Ryuzaki then asked.

'Well,' Beyond said, 'I _was_ planning on enraging you so much that you would kill me out of anger. That didn't quite work out. And then Allison told me something and it made me think. What if I not only want to die? What if I want you to die with me?'

Not a very surprising revelation. Intense hatred did that to some. Beyond had always been unique in that he actually wanted L around. Not to catch him, but to kill him. Most criminals would love to see L dead, but Beyond had always seen that as the end. He couldn't get the proper end of this game of his without his murderer he'd chosen.

'I'm not dying with you, Beyond,' Ryuzaki said.

'Not today, perhaps,' Beyond mused. 'Or perhaps today _is_ the day.' Then Beyond held up a hand. It wasn't a gun, like Ryuzaki had been expecting. It was a lighter.

Ah, yes. Fire. Ryuzaki had forgotten about the fire.

Ryuzaki looked down at the carpet he was still kneeling on. Flammable. Too flammable. Beyond's plan suddenly seemed genius. If he put the carpet on fire right now, Ryuzaki would not have the time to get himself and Allison out in time. He could run, but then she and Beyond would die. He could perhaps save her, but then Beyond would die.

'Don't move,' Beyond said as he lit the lighter. 'I won't do anything as long as you do not move.'

Ryuzaki kept very still, not even talking. Letting Beyond do the talking. The FBI could intervene now, shoot Beyond and everything would be over. And Beyond would be dead. He still would've won.

Ryuzaki didn't give a signal and he could suddenly feel the microphone so fell, as if it had grown underneath his sweatshirt.

There was a silent staring contest between the two of them and there was something, something in Beyond's eyes that finally made Ryuzaki think that maybe – just maybe – Beyond really was crazy. Not driven crazy by stress and trauma, no, not like that. But the actual crazy that's sometimes born in hospitals, but doesn't die. It just grows until it becomes someone who cannot live inside their own head.

Just like how Ryuzaki could not seem to be able to live inside his own heart.

And then he just laughed. It was short, and hesitant and messy, but Beyond just laughed, before he shook his head just a tiny bit too slow. 'Unbelievable,' he said. And then, in just a few movements, he takes his other hand and grabs a gun that had been laying on the ground next to him, hidden from Ryuzaki's sight because of the way Beyond had been sitting. While he did this, Ryuzaki grabbed his gun. They were both pointing their guns now.

One for Beyond.

One for Allison.

'Don't,' Ryuzaki said, sounding more desperate than he'd meant it to sound.

'Why not?' Beyond said. 'She's in the way. She's not supposed to be part of our game, but here she is. And you… why you? Why her? Why…' He stopped, but kept his gun at Allison's head. 'If I try to kill her… will you kill me?'

'Possibly,' was Ryuzaki's answer.

'Not good enough,' Beyond answered.

'Well, I am sorry that I cannot give you an answer that is to your liking,' Ryuzaki said, only realizing that he'd used sarcasm when he words were already out. He rarely ever used sarcasm. People misunderstood him enough as it was, it was better to just talk as monotone as possible. No one ever misunderstood a robot.

'Liar,' Beyond answered, possibly not understanding the sarcasm.

'Don't kill her Beyond,' Ryuzaki said, still sounding so calm. Still believing that there was a way to solve this without losing anything. Like a game of chess. This _was_ a game of chess, but Ryuzaki knew that Beyond simply had less pieces to lose.

'Why not?' Beyond asked, turning his head slightly to the side.

'She is not part of our game,' Ryuzaki replied.

'Liar,' he repeated.

A soft noise escaped Allison's lips. A soft sound that sounded like she was sick of hurting, but when Ryuzaki glanced at her, her eyes were still closed. He was trying to piece together whether it was the drugs or Beyond's punches that were hurting her, but he didn't dare to look away from Beyond and his next actions long enough.

Then, out of nowhere, Beyond asked: 'Are you?'

'Am I what?' Ryuzaki shot back.

Beyond's expression changed then. It seriously looked like he was questioning something. Everything. 'In love with her? And… am I?'

'How do you expect me to answer that?' Ryuzaki said. Was Beyond in love with her? It seemed highly unlikely to him. But then again, he had barely any understanding of the human heart. Though he had always assumed Beyond Birthday was just the same in that regard.

But then Beyond shook his head, stiffening a sort laugh again. 'Never mind, _L,'_ he said 'L' as if it was an insult _. '_ Answer this question for me. Am I in love with you?'

Silence. Completely and utter silence. Even the noises from outside faded from his mind as Ryuzaki tried to figure out what it was Beyond had just asked him. Was Beyond in love with him? Well, the thought had never occurred before. Once again, it seemed unlikely. But once again, this was about something that Ryuzaki did not have much understanding of.

After a long pause, Ryuzaki finally opened his mouth. 'What do you want me to say, Beyond?'

'I don't want you to say anything,' Beyond said, contradicting his earlier words. Continuity had never been Beyond Birthday's strongest point. 'I want you. To kill me.'

'I _can't_.' No, that was not accurate. 'I will not.'

'But then I will kill her. Or all of us. Whichever you prefer.'

Ryuzaki tried to think, but for some reason, everything that normally came so naturally to him, wouldn't cooperate. He could shoot Beyond now and hope that he would be quick enough to keep Allison from getting hurt. He could try to escape with her, with the risk of going up in flames. He could give the FBI team the word and then they would shoot Beyond and he would be the only victim. That was the easy solution, the obvious one. So why did Ryuzaki find himself hesitating? Instead of carrying out a plan, Ryuzaki spoke. 'You could've died. The moment you escaped, you could've killed yourself. I wouldn't have been able to stop you. But you couldn't resist it. You had to see how this game would end. You had to see if you could win.'

' _How_ I _would_ win,' Beyond Birthday corrected.

'Arrogance isn't a likable trait,' Ryuzaki said, quoting Watari. He had often told Ryuzaki that, but not these recent years. Last time was after the night he first personally met the Japanese Task Force. According to Watari, Ryuzaki had talked 'way too much' and had been 'showing off'. Now that Ryuzaki looked back on it… maybe he was. Maybe he was trying to impress them prove himself to them. He did not look like the _L_ , or so he had been told. Or maybe, just maybe, even back then, he wanted that girl to see him and acknowledge him.

'Well, apparently psychotic killer isn't either,' was Beyond's reply. For a while, Ryuzaki was almost sure Beyond was telling a joke.

'It's also not a trait,' Ryuzaki shot back.

'Do you care?' Beyond shot back and he suddenly sounded so much like Allison that Ryuzaki was legit confused for a short while.

And as the confusion started with Allison, it also ended with her.

'Ryuzaki,' she said, her voice still sounding pained. Ryuzaki turned around and her pained face seemed to relax a bit. But it was clear from her eyes. She needed medical attention. Badly. 'It _is_ you,' she said and Ryuzaki could tell that it took a lot of effort to talk. She said something else, but he couldn't make out every word. The only two words he understood were 'you' and 'similar'.

'Just great,' Beyond said, 'killing someone is _much_ more fun when they're conscious. Not that you two would know.'

'Actually,' Allison tried to say. 'I _do_ know. Gangster princess, 'member?'

She sounded cynical, if Ryuzaki were to interpret it. Not worried. Not scared. What did she knew that Ryuzaki didn't? What had changed those two suddenly?

 _Am I in love with you?_

Ryuzaki frowned. Why would Beyond ever wonder about that, unless someone who understood feelings way better than Ryuzaki or Beyond combined pointed it out? Why wouldn't a girl who could feel sympathy for a group of criminals who kidnapped her feel sympathy for a killer who loved the same man she loved?

Ryuzaki cringed. Even thinking it seemed wrong. Because, somewhere inside him, perhaps the part that managed to feel, felt like no one should ever love him. And no one deserved to die for him.

'Let her go,' Ryuzaki said to Beyond. 'Let her go and I'll kill you. I'll finish this game.'

Beyond started at his face for a while before shutting his eyes and slowly shaking his head. 'I do not believe you.'

 _Obviously not_ , Ryuzaki wanted to say. He didn't.

They would be stuck here forever like this. Ryuzaki, Beyond and Allison. But every second they were stuck here, it could but Allison in more danger. Who knew what Beyond had pumped into her system. Who knew how long she had until her medical condition became worse. Maybe even a shot in the arm would be a death sentence right now, at least for her.

What could be done?

Ryuzaki's eyes drifted to the darkness outside. What would a human truly see in completely darkness? What could a man do in the darkness? So many things happened in the darkness, as well as in the light. We touched, we searched, we learned, we slept, we ate. Life goes on in the dark, life goes on, even when you can't see it. And living unseen might be the solution.

Ryuzaki looked at the lamp in the centre of the room. It was the only lamp that was turned on in the entire caravan. Ryuzaki didn't stop to think for once. As soon as he had the idea, he raised the gun and shot the lamp, covering them all in darkness.

But not only makes the darkness a soft hiding place, it also hides away the secrets and the facts.

And there were three gunshots.

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 **XxX**

 **And… I'm scared for this chapter. Beyond being in love with L instead of hating him is something I came up with while writing the plotline, but I just liked the idea so much! It adds a whole new twist to their relationship and it also makes him more sympathetic, I think. (though he** ** _is_** **still a murderer, don't get any ideas)**

 **So close to the end now! Scary! And sad. But true. And I actually had a really hard time writing this chapter, though I am not sure why. Probably because Ryuzaki is such a hard character to write. I feel like I don't have the awesomeness it takes to write for him sometimes, like I don't know him well enough. But I hoped it worked out for this chapter.**

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 **XxX**

 **EmeraldHeart1203: Hahaha, feel free to ramble anytime. And I feel honoured to be the cause of waking you up, but sleep is very important! And sorry, but Near and A's situation are a secret for now, you'll find out soon enough! Thank you as always for reading and reviewing!**

 **AuroraStargazers: Yeah, me too. Like, I knew he wasn't actually going to, of course, but god, I hated writing that. And well, as shown, L is reacted quite confused, a state he isn't often in. And Near and A are a secret for now, but you'll see ;) And thank you so, so, so much. You are a sweetheart and you are absolutely amazing. Certainly one of the best things I've gotten from writing this story is getting to know you! Once again, thank you! (something I feel like I tell you a lot, but I'll never get tired of saying it) xxx Sofia**

 **LadyHawke361: Hey hey! I don't know when you'll catch up and if you will even find this, but I just want to say thank you and I love reading your reviews! I hope you'll continue to like this story!**

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 **XxX**

 **Until next time, everyone! Stay awesome!**

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 **XxX**


	61. No Room

**Hey pumpkins (don't know where that came from. Oh well.)! I'm back once more, with the end getting nearer and nearer. For a while I thought that this story was going to be longer than my first one, but it looks like this might not be the case. I'm so sad, though! I really don't want to say goodbye to this story and these characters, but I also don't want to drag it out, because I'm scared that'll ruin it. So yeah, I'm scared. Anyway, let's get this party on the road.**

 ****DISCLAIMER I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you have been warned.**

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 **XxX**

 **61\. No Room**

Three.

Three gunshots.

One for the lamp.

One for you.

One for me.

* * *

XxX

An FBI-agent who is not given any orders should not take action. If there's danger, life-threatening situation, anything, he is not to take action unless he is given orders.

This, to some new agents, may seem insane.

If there are two people in a caravan with a mad man, a killer, who has a lighter and a gun and one of the two victims is already severely in need of medical attention, an agent might want to take action. When the lights suddenly go out and out of their spyglasses they see the familiar light of fire. They heard the pistol shots, two, one following up the other almost immediately.

How can an agent _not_ take action?

Then, an elder man's voice took over controls. ' _There is a fire, get them out of there safely. Hurt none unless it is required._ '

The darkness hides everything, the same way fire consumed everything. An agent is not supposed to take action. He was supposed to wait until he'd heard this very order, and acted accordingly.

Not that day, one agent did not.

* * *

XxX

I woke up to the sound of people talking.

'She has suffered some blows, but the only thing that really brought her life in critical was the severe overdose. She has no infections and she wasn't burned in the fire at all. She will be fine once the drugs are out of her system.'

'And said blows… they won't have a lasting effect?'

Sanami? What was my _aunt_ doing here? It felt I hadn't heard her voice in decades.

'Well, although her life won't be in jeopardy, it is hard to say how well the muscles will heal. But the wound will certainly scar. The most important thing is that she will heal. And she'll be fine. I can't say that for… the other two victims.'

No. No. No. No. No.

'I don't care about the— Is she… Is she crying? She—She's awake!' I heard Sanami's voice getting louder as she probably walked up to the hospital bed I was lying in. This was the moment I finally decided to open up my eyes.

Light. That was all I saw. Blurring white light. Then, after a sort while, I could make out the shape of my former guardian's face. So familiar and yet so different. She had aged.

'Oh sweetheart!' she cried as she grabbed my hand to kiss it, so relieved to find the family member she barely knew alive.

'Ryu—' I tried, but my voice broke and it sounded like I made a sad sound that meant nothing. An empty words just hanging in the air.

'Oh sweetheart, I'm here, I'm here,' Sanami kept saying, as if that much wasn't obvious. While she spoke and while nurses and doctors came in to examine me, all I could thing about was all the various doom scenarios.

Ryuzaki had raised his gun and then the loud sound of a gun and it was dark. Endless dark. And then there was another shot and fire, fire everywhere, flaming like the pain I suddenly couldn't escape. I was drugged and wounded, but couldn't move as the fire moved closer. And then. I don't remember "then". Ryuzaki had been there, I was sure. He wouldn't have left me there. I wouldn't be alive now if that was the case.

But I couldn't even phantom a scenario in which Ryuzaki had survived.

Somewhere, far in my brain, I had even heard another loud gunshot. And the sound of broken glass. The sounds of screams. I did not remember Ryuzaki's voice, I did not remember. Could not.

I was crying again, but Sanami was talking to one of the nurses now, so she didn't notice. I wasn't quite sure how she knew I was here, the be honest. Ryuzaki was almost certainly hurt and I couldn't imagine him or Watari contacting her in this kind and situation and without consulting me first. Well, "consulting" was a big word. Telling me that that was the plan seemed more accurate.

I had been shot in the leg. The lower part and it had damaged a big amount of tissue and shattered parts of the bone. Whether it would completely heal wasn't clear yet, but I would certainly need physical therapy if I ever wanted to use that leg again. The doctor mentioned that I probably wouldn't ever be able to play football again, but I couldn't remember a time where I actually did, so I assured him that that was the least of my worries.

It took almost a day of being conscious and almost fully functioning before I dared to ask someone about Ryuzaki. I didn't ask Sanami though, as she seemed to have gotten a great blow to her brain with this situation. She wasn't used to this world. _My_ world. So I asked a nurse.

'Excuse me,' I said and the nurse turned around. She was small and cute and reminded me of a rabbit for some reason. Seeing her made me realise that I had not paid attention to any sort of beauty for a long time. 'Can I ask if there were other patient brought in like me? Like… from the same accident.'

She immediately understood, of course. 'Well, we had quite the evening when you three were brought in.'

 _You three_. 'May I ask how severe the others' injuries were?'

The nurse came closer to my bed, a reassuring smile on her face. 'One got burned pretty badly and is currently in a coma. Too much smoke in the lungs. The other one… well. The other one got the worst of both worlds. Shot _and_ burned. He is currently unconscious as well, but he is the only one who is currently still in a life threatening condition.'

Ah, 'currently' was clearly this nurse's favourite word. Good to know.

'And which hospital am I in, exactly?' I asked, seeing as I could not imagine L at any normal hospital.

She gave me a mischievous smile. 'You are currently at the FBI's special health facility in Japan, miss.'

Funny how the first thing my brain thought about was what in hell's name Sanami was thinking about this whole situation. Then again, she really did not understand a thing about work and things like that, so maybe I shouldn't be too worried.

'Can you tell me the names of the two injured men and which condition belongs to whom?' I asked the nurse then.

Her smile disappeared. 'I am so sorry, but that is classified information.'

From me? Where was Watari? Did he really think I would just lay here without knowing if Ryuzaki was okay? Well, after hearing what she just said, I knew he wasn't, but the nurse's words seemed so empty without actual proof. I needed to see him.

Too bad Beyond had shot me in the leg.

'That's fine,' I told the nurse, 'I understand.'

But the reality of the situation was that I did not understand anything at all.

* * *

XxX

I must've fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes, Ico was hovering over my head.

I inhaled sharply, but managed to suppress a scream. I did not need any of the nurses here thinking that I was crazy.

'What are you doing here?' I whispered, though that wasn't really the question I wanted to ask, so I added: 'Thank you for helping me, by the way. Great teamwork.'

'I'm sorry,' she started, looking nervously around the room as if she was looking for ghosts or demons or spiders. 'There are so many rules I was supposed to follow and just one action would've meant my death and I don't have a lot of friends so I wasn't sure who was going to watch over you if I was gone and I—'

'Why would I need to be watched over?' I asked angrily, too loud. It was night, luckily and there didn't seem to be a doctor or a nurse around. And Sanami was there, but she was still sleeping. I should tell her to just go come once she was awake. She did not need to be here just for me.

'Because you have a serious talent,' she said, but I wasn't sure if she was being cynical or not. Something about Shinigami made them extremely hard to read.

Then I remembered that it was an actual Shinigami I was talking to. 'Have you seen them? Do you know how L is?'

She did not seem surprised by my question. 'Well, there lifespans are completely unpredictable right now, and one keeps changing so much that it's actually hard to keep up. I prefer yours, it's less distracting.'

'How so?' I asked, already knowing the answer.

Ico seemed to have realised that I already knew the answer too. 'Because it's stuck. A sigh that you are living on stolen time. Or given time, depending how you think about things.'

'And…?' I pressured.

Ico shrugged, the motion looked weird because of her odd form. 'Well, they're both pretty bad, but I think your guy got it worse. I am not completely sure what happened, but I heard some people talk about an agent firing without consent and confusing the two targets. They look too much alike, apparently. He got shot right here.' She grabbed the upper part of her right arm. 'And he badly burned his back before he could jump out the window. He really did a great job. I mean, you have some cuts from the glass, but all in all you are pretty okay.'

'What are you talking about?' I asked, trying to keep my voice soft and light, but also getting more and more panicky every second.

'Well, the window above the couch? He smashed it and pushed you through. I actually saw it. I would've helped, of course, but the King had told me not to interfere with timelines until he was ready and I—'

She was talking about her world again. I found myself not wanting to know at all. 'He pushed me out of a window?' I asked, trying to keep her on topic, while also adding that on the list of odd things L had done to me. Or _for_ me, I should say.

'Well, yes,' she said, and then she continued talking again. 'I mean, his sweatshirt caught on fire while getting you out, but all in all, it was a great plan. He managed to put the fire out on the ground before collapsing. And then all those agents came and that old guy…'

'Watari,' I said, not sure why she wouldn't know. She had her Shinigami eyes, after all.

'Yes, that guy, he was the one who found you and him and he started to scream for help. It was quite sad, really,' she said, almost as if she was interested, fascinated. Those weren't traits I particularly liked in Shinigami.

'And he just _knew_ what to do,' she went on, 'had all the paperwork ready, every document about his condition. I think he couldn't have made it easier for the FBI. It was probably smart that they pretended like that guy was only one of L's agents and not _L_ himself. They probably would've saved all those documents immediately to profile the guy.' She shivered.

I wondered if she picked up all that human lingo in the past few days, or if she had always been interested in humans.

But all of that was not important right now. There was something else. I looked around, but did not see a heart monitor. Good. That way, there wasn't a machine that would catch the nurse's attention. 'Are there any nurses in the hallway now that might see me if I left?' I asked Ico.

Ico had very big eyes, so it was very easy to see that she narrowed them a little. She looked from my face to my leg and then to the corridor. 'There's someone behind the desk, but you can easily avoid being seen.' She was looking at my injured leg again.

'Could you… Could you bring me to L's room?' I asked her, looking down at my leg. I hadn't studied medicine, but it was well packed. The blood flowing through it if I stood may become a problem, but for now, I couldn't bring myself to care enough. I had to go see him.

'Well, he is on the special ward and there's a passcode—'

'Do you know the passcode?' I interrupted.

'Well, yes, but that was not...'

I managed to sit up and used my other leg to flip the other one over the edge of the bed. Bad idea. I cringe when the pain hit me, fresh and new. Still, I used the IV pole as a crutch and lifted myself. Immediately I could tell that this wasn't the best idea for my leg. But I was already standing now, so what damage could be done?

Slowly, very slowly, I walked through the empty corridors, sneaking past the main office where the night shift nurse was working behind a computer. I took the elevator, because I knew for a fact that my leg would not survive the stairs. I knew full well that there were cameras all over the place, but no one was stopping me yet, so I just kept moving. And moving. And moving.

'There it is,' she said, pointing at one of the doors that was actually closed on this floor. I walked over to the keypad, collapsing against the wall as Ico told me the passcode. And then the door opened.

And there he was.

It looked al wrong, Ryuzaki with a straight back laying there. He was… too exposed. He always moved and sat and lay like he was hiding something. Now he was… open. And because he was so pale, he looked dead.

It took me a while to get over to the bed, almost eighty beeps of this heart monitor. His arm was wrapped up and he looked so, so, so very dead. One could argue that Ryuzaki's face always looked dead, but I disagreed. Ryuzaki kept his face unreadable, but everything was there. It was hidden. This face had no secrets, simply because it did not think.

Ico had the decently to remain completely silent as I sat down on a chair that had most likely been Watari's place. Watari was nowhere to be seen now. Maybe taking a quick break, or making sure no one knew what happened to L. Keep it alive, while the man himself was laying here.

I reached for his hair with my hand and touched it. It still felt the same, which to me seemed like a good sign. I started to pet his hair and then wiped it off his forehead. I couldn't really easily stand to kiss him on his forehead, but I wanted to. It seemed like a romantic cliché that I would want to try. Instead, I put my arms crossed next to him and lay my head over it, watching him. My leg hurt and my eyes burned with hidden tears and I felt all kinds of awful, but seeing his face and hearing the heart monitor calmed me down. Yes, he was in a terrible state. Because of me. Because of what I did. Because I was stupid enough to think I could do something. Again. I always made the wrong choices when I was around him. I always said the wrong things and did the wrong things and tried to right them with false logic. Not anymore. I was just going to stay by his side and see where it would bring us. Because the game wasn't over yet and we hadn't lost, though we did lose some things and always had more to lose.

I started at his sleeping face while I tried to picture it. The fire, Ryuzaki breaking the window and pushing me out. I giggled slightly and it hurt my every muscle. 'Hitting me wasn't enough, you had to push me out of a window, too?' I whispered, the air I shifted with my face played with his hair.

A few other beeps, a few other breaths. My presence seemed to change nothing. But I secretly hope it did.

Because I wanted to believe that he at least desired my presence to some extended, even everything I did to him and everything he did to me. Some would say the relationship we had was unhealthy and odd. But that wasn't true. Our pasts were. Our present was. Our relationship was the line of light that wrapped us up in something so human and normal that we both weren't sure what to do with it. We were both crazy and stupid and insanely smart and oh so right and oh so wrong. But that was us, not out relationship. Loving him was part of who I was. Who I had become. I knew that if the situation had been the other way around, I would've done the same. The difference was that apart from saving the man I love, I would also have saved _L,_ someone the world needed desperately. The world did not need me.

But maybe Ryuzaki did, if I was willing to make such sacrifices for me.

I was sitting on his good side, so I grabbed his hand and held it there, with me. I pressed my lips against his skin and it tasted like hospital and medicine. It was all wrong. But his skin was still rough and soft, his skin still pale. I held that hand as I laid my had back down on the matrass.

And I dreamed.

* * *

XxX

She ran through the empty corridors, feeling so free now that everyone was gone. Matsuda wasn't smart enough to figure out that it was probably best if he stayed there and with her as the only not-prisoner in the building, she was basically queen. She knew that Matsuda had gone after Near, yes, but she also knew that he wouldn't be much use wherever he was, so it would've been the better idea to just stay put.

She reached the cells with Matt and Mello. They were both relaxed. Mello was sitting on the bed in the room, tossing a small ball against the wall and back again. He looked bored, but not too worried. They had no idea what had happened to L at all.

And then there was Matt. Laying on the bed, staring at the metal ceiling. The light in the room was probably too bright for him to get any sleep, which would explain the dark circles under his eyes.

She wanted to go through the door and hug him, kiss him, take him with her. But he was not hers to take. She had taken away way too much already. Her plan had worked, though not as she thought it would. The Death Notes were indirectly in her possession, Near had escaped easily. He'd probably tried to kill Beyond Birthday already, using one of the Death Notes, but she had already tried that countless of times. It didn't work. Because that wasn't his name. She pressed the button that activated the microphone and put the speaker that reached Matt's cell on. 'Good morning,' she said, feeling nervous all of the sudden.

Matt sat up slowly, looking directly into the glass that just seemed like a mirror to him. She wondered what he saw when he looked at himself. Someone he used to be? Something once whole, now forever broken because of Beyond Birthday? Because of _her?_

But he smiled. 'Is it morning?'

She had to admit that she wasn't sure. 'No idea, actually,' was her response. There was a short pause. 'I thought you wanted to know… L is injured.'

Matt blinked. Once. Twice. Did not speak a word.

'And I should also mention that that was indirectly my fault.'

Again no answer.

'And Near has escaped with the Death Notes. Also my fault.'

Matt still wasn't saying anything. Just staring, just realising. The girl he thought was just a victim of the circumstances had suddenly turned into the person who ruined whatever was left of his life. Well, not entirely. Beyond had lost his Death Notes months ago, so all the other orphans were save. L hadn't trust her, so he hadn't openly spoken about the matter, but she knew that he'd made sure they were all hidden and save. And she also knew that, if he ever recovered, he would let them choose whether they would want to stay or be transferred to another orphanage, a normal one. Because, at the end of the day, L was a good person, whether he believed it or not.

And, at the end of the day, she was not.

'I'm leaving soon,' she said when Matt did not react at all. She felt the need to keep talking. 'Near and I are meeting up. I promise we are not going to use the Death Notes for anything else than just to be safe. No one can touch us as long as we have those, not even L.' It was a foolish plan perhaps, but she knew she was right. L would know that Near and her wouldn't use the Death Notes to kill people, he wouldn't come after them. And he would strongly advise the FBI to not pursue us either. L might have promised her complete freedom, but she would like some reassurance that he was going to keep that problem.

Finally, she asked the hard question. 'Will you come with me?'

She already knew the answer before he gave it. It actually surprised her how calm she was when he actually said it.

He waited a while, thinking, considering. Then, he slowly shook his head. 'I do not think so.' The words chosen were rough, perhaps, but he said it kindly, speaking as though he was already saying goodbye.

And then, she realised, this really was goodbye. She wasn't going to ask Mello to come with her and she sure as hell wasn't going to talk to him. She had mostly just found him annoying.

It was as if Matt knew she was still there, though she hadn't said anything in almost thirty seconds, making it more likely that she had left already. 'I wish you all the good luck in the world,' he said and though it sounded sincere, she would also spot the lie easily. He wasn't angry at her, but he was disappointed.

'Thank you.' She sighed. 'I will make sure to let you guys out before I leave. This is downright irresponsible,' she said and then she pushed the button, shot the microphone off, pressed the right buttons to unlock their cell doors and fled.

* * *

XxX

Watari had only been gone for about ten minutes. But when he returned, everything had changed.

It was weird how he could almost _feel_ it. The door was closed, yes, but something about the room made it more difficult for him to enter. The first thing he saw when he opened the door, was Ryuzaki. His Ryuzaki, laying in a hospital bed. Not anyone's fault but his own, one might say, but Watari begged to differ. Ryuzaki had only been a child. What would've changed if Watari had left him to lead his life?

The second thing he noticed was the girl. She was resting her head on her arms, one hand holding Ryuzaki's hand as if it was her last safeguard. Tears were still dangling on her lashes and her legs seemed to be bleeding, because the usually white fabric was slowly turning red.

Watari pressed the button for a nurse and then let himself slide down on the couch in the corner of the room, looking at the two people he'd let down again and again and again.

He hadn't come back from work, or from a short break from everything. He had come back from the room where the other mistake he made lay.

As the nurses ran in and out of the room, trying to figure out what had happened to the young lady and how she had got into the room undetected, Watari sighed and allowed himself to cry about all the mistakes he had made.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Sorry for this chapter being one day too late! I actually was writing yesterday, but then suddenly something happened in my family and I was busy with dealing with stuff and the like, so I couldn't finish it. Back I came back to finish it today, because I wanted to update, since my final exams are starting soon and I don't know when I will be able to update again. So, that was everything I wanted to say I think. Until next time!**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Guest review (EJ): Thank you so, so much! I never thought I would get this far, but I really got the hang of taking the story somewhere else entirely. Anyway, thank you so very much and I hope you'll keep enjoying this story until the end!**

 **LadyHawke361** **: Thank you so much for all your support! Glad you like my stories!**

 **VampireSiren: Thank you! Yes, I didn't want to make it some big sudden reveal because I was afraid people would think it just came out of nowhere. Hehehe.**

 **EmeraldHeart1203: Hahahaha I didn't even realise! Waah, Light has been gone for so long! Why isn't Death Note a zombie manga? xD And yes, Beyond could just switch on the lighter, which he obviously did, but the light wouldn't reach so far. Beyond's chance of accurately shooting Olivia became a whole lot smaller without the light. So that's why. And that** ** _is_** **the question, isn't it? Weirdly enough, that was the vibe I got when reading** ** _Another Note_** **, like 'wah, this boy is like a crazy L fanboy. Maybe he is in love or something lol.' I never thought I would use it in any kind of story, but there you go.**

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 **XxX**


	62. Alike

**Hey, look, an update! Yes, I'm back. And we are getting closer and closer to the end. I feel like I've been saying that for at least half the story now, but it always takes longer then I expect! Sometimes I think I can cramp ten plot points in a chapter and then I don't even reach five. So yeah. Let' start!**

 **Well, actually, a thingy first. I have finals. Exams? Finals? Well, they're called "central exams" in the Netherlands, so let's just go with that. Anyway, I have those, they begin next week and I have my last one on May 24** **th** **, so don't expect an update until then. Anyway, now that I've got that out of the way, I can start this chapter!**

 ****DISCLAIMER I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **62\. Alike**

There's always this quiet discomfort that hung in hospitals. Not because of angry nurses or the pain, but because no one in a hospital seemed to think outside the hospital. Nurses and doctors want to get through the day, back to their lives, but the lives they know aren't _inside_ the hospital. The lives of the patients aren't _inside_ the hospital. Living wasn't made to be inside hospitals. Even people who visited seemed to be on some sort of pause, waiting to get back to life.

That was what Sanami looked like to me.

I was almost chained to the bed now. My room had a lock with a code that I didn't know. One of the nurses said that 'if I wanted to check up on my boyfriend' the least I could do was ask. Which I did immediately after and she just scowled and left the room, very angry with me. I saw Watari when they'd managed to put me on one of those movable beds, but he had just stared to Ryuzaki, seeming dead to the world.

From my position in the bed right now, I could see Sanami sleeping on the couch. Her life, her career, all on hold for some distant family she barely knew. I should sent her away, but I time after time didn't find the strength. Matt, Mello and Near weren't here. Matsuda wasn't here. Ryuzaki was unreachably far and still so close. And Watari wouldn't even look at me.

Sanami was the only person I had left. It felt like a déjà vu, something that happened years ago as well. Just a child that she didn't want, forced into her live. All the special papers she had to fill in to let me work inside the police station, even though I wasn't of age yet. She actually got my salary until I turned sixteen. And then she immediately gave all my salary to me, as if the money had hurt her somehow. I couldn't imagine much of that salary was left, but I had Ryuzaki's "kind" bonus from the Kira-case.

I hated myself when I realised I was actually thinking about money. As if that really mattered right now. Even Sanami, who'd always valued her money, didn't care that she got fired from an acting job to be here. And what did I do to thank her? I fled the room and nearly gave her a heart attack. At least, that was what she'd said.

* * *

 _'_ _You nearly gave me a heart attack!' Sanami shouted in my face._

 _Somehow, I was back in my room. The first thing they did was give me an enormous amount of pain killers, so I couldn't quite focus on her face or what she was saying, but I could still easily understand that I did a bad thing to her._

 _'_ _Sorry,' I said, the word came out all crooked._

 _'_ _I don't need you to apologize,' she said, 'I've always hated it when you do that.'_

 _That was new information to me, but I couldn't really take it in. Then there were nurses around me and doctors and then I was lectured by almost all of them while Sanami was sulking in the corner of the couch._

* * *

She wasn't my mother and she didn't act like one, but she was family. And behaved like family. And apparently cared more about me then I had noticed before. I always thought she'd seen me as a nuisance. But coming out here, staying by my side, worrying? Maybe I wasn't so alone.

And if I'd judged her all wrong, who else had I falsely judges, presuming I knew everything? I hated being wrong on cases, it had been the reason it had taken a while before I was allowed into the investigation team instead of fieldwork alone. But I had never thought about whether I read people wrong. Because I always assumed I was right. And that was… not good, was it?

Sanami never judge a face. Not that I remembered, anyhow. And when she did, she was rarely wrong. Like only a few hours ago, when we were alone in the room for the first time since they had brought me back.

* * *

' _Why did you do it?_ ' _Sanami asked me._

 _I could guess what she meant, but I didn't really want to answer, so I asked: 'Why did I do what?'_

 _'_ _Sneak out of the room like that. Even leaving the ward,' Sanami explained, not looking at me as she spoke. 'Did you look for someone?'_

 _Yes, so maybe, she overheard the nurses. But they didn't give specifics. And they didn't know me, they could've easily been wrong. Something about Sanami's expression made me believe that she knew she wasn't wrong. 'Did you look for your boyfriend?' she then asked, the wrong answer to a question I didn't ask. But then she looked up, at me, and said: 'Because I don't think that's it. But… I think… I think you are… Are you in love with one of the boys they brought in with you?'_

 _Typically Sanami to call men in their twenties "boys". She called every men under fifty a boy. That was just the way she was. Unless he wanted to be respectful or thoughtful. She didn't feel like being respectful or thoughtful with me right now._

 _I wasn't sure how to answer her question. I felt like a simple "yes" wouldn't suffice. It also felt like "being in love" was a stage that I had passed a long time ago. So I said this: 'What I feel is… inevitable.'_

 _Sanami did that thing where she pulled up one eyebrow and brought the other one down. A face made for television. 'Right…' she said, clearly not understanding it one bit and wanting more explanation._

 _Which I for some reason decided to provide. 'I see him and I just… I feel complete. Inevitable. It doesn't matter what he says or does, or what the distance between us is. It doesn't matter how long I haven't seen him or how long he is going away again. He is inevitable. And what I feel for him is inevitable. It's like I'm missing pieces of myself that I didn't even know I had until he comes back and I can feel the pieces snapping into place, even though I never knew they were supposed to be there. Does that make sense?'_

 _Sanami's face was answer enough, but she said: 'Well. To me? No. Not really.' She shrugged. 'But it sounds really sappy and romantic, so I love it.' She shuddered. 'I mean, I am sorry this had to happen to you. I should've known better. I never should've let you join the police force.'_

 _I frowned. 'Now why do you say that?'_

 _'_ _Because you self-destruct,' she answered, as if it was plain and simple. 'You love what isn't healthy, you chase what you shouldn't have and you attempt to do thing you know you cannot do, simply because you fail to think in the moments that matter the most.'_

 _I was too perplexed to say anything._

 _And Sanami isn't done talking yet. 'You always take the most dangerous option, you pick the unhealthiest food in restaurants, you walk around with crazy hair and only talk back to people when they're about twice your size. You self-destruct, Olivia. All the time. And I knew that. As I child, you would always play on the balcony, not because you wanted to fall off, but because that's what you want. Destruction. You only act brave when you have something to lose by doing so and you only really speak if you can hurt someone in the process. And I knew this about you, and still let you join the police force.'_

 _I didn't know how to react, so I didn't. Did I self-destruct? I joined the police force, yes, that was a bit dangerous. But the thing that stroke a chord with me most was that I was only brave when I had something to lose. Not only that. I was only brave when there was almost no chance of success._

 _'_ _You are a lot smarter than you let on, Sanami,' I said after a while with a vague smile, still completely perplexed._

 _'_ _And you are a lot dumber than you think, Olivia,' she replied, softly tapping her index finger against the cast on my leg._

* * *

When Sanami woke up this time, a lazy smile on her face, I responded to her smile. She deserved more than I could give her. But I now started to realise that she wanted me to give what I had anyway, despite it never being good enough.

'How are you feeling?' she asked, her voice still sleepy.

The smile was plastered on my face. Drained, but not fake. 'Better.'

* * *

XxX

When Watari arrived at headquarters the first time since Ryuzaki was hospitalized, he hadn't expected to find two boys sitting in the main room, playing chess.

'Welcome back, old man,' Mello said, his boots had made marks all over the chair he was sitting on.

Matt wasn't responding to Watari's presence at all, but was looking at the chess board. Something about his movement seemed L-like, but he had turned his head in an odd way and his eyes shined crazy. Watari really should get that boy to a doctor, or maybe a therapist.

'A left a few days ago,' Mello mentioned after a while, as if it was more of an afterthought. 'I think she's with Near now, but Matt doesn't want to talk to my about the matter.'

In fact, Matt did not seem to talk at all. He just silently stared, as if he was waiting for… something. It made Watari nervous for some reason, because it reminded him of something he couldn't quite put a finger on.

With a sigh, Watari grabbed his phone and dialled the number.

' _Yes?_ ' the other side of the line said, sounding bored and annoyed as ever. After all, Roger did not like children.

'Can you do something for me?' Watari asked, every word sounding like it hurt him.

' _Have I ever not done something for you?_ ' Roger shoots back.

Watari took that as a 'yes'. 'Arrange airplane tickets for Matt and Mello. I'm sending them back home.'

It took a while before Roger answered. ' _And… Near?_ '

Watari looked at the two boys, one of them mad right from the start, the other one driven mad. That was the moment he realised why Matt's behaviour seemed to familiar. He'd had another boy like that, L-like, but different, and a crazy look in his eyes…

And that boy now lay in a hospital bed with terrible burns.

Watari pressed his eyes shut. 'Near won't be returning home anymore.'

* * *

XxX

I was quite sure I should be allowed to go home by now.

My leg wasn't healed, but I moved around in a wheelchair. The drugs were all out of my system and Sanami had even gone back to work, but with the promise my room would be ready if I wanted to return home.

Ico would come in now and then, but there was never any news on the conditions of both Ryuzaki and Beyond Birthday and after a while, she just stopped coming. She had always been a fairly random presence in my life, so I didn't question it too much. She was more confusing when she actually _was_ around then when she was not.

On my second day alone, one of the nurses brought me a package that turned out to be a selection of books. There was a note that came with the package _,_ only two words on it. _Sorry_ and _Watari_. Somehow, that was enough.

I tried to ask when I was allowed to leave and then, finally, a nurse told me why. It was the "currently" nurse, the one that was the nicest to me. 'You see, this is currently a classified case. Your injury is part of the classified information, so as long as you are injured, you yourself are classified.'

It made sense, but it did not make me feel better.

I devoured the books and when Sanami came during the weekend, she would bring me more books. And she would always be smiling and happy and I would finally be accepting of her presence in my life.

And like this, days in the hospital became weeks in the hospital and I was already able to walk on crutches when the "currently"-nurse Jane (who now had a name because Sanami became too curious _not_ so ask) sat down next to my bed.

'I would like to tell you something,' she said, but she didn't look particularly cheerful so I abandoned all hope on good news.

'Okay. So. Tell me,' I said. I found it hard to be polite to the nurses now and then.

'I know you care a lot about… our other patient,' she said it like it was a plague instead of a good thing, 'but I thought you would like to know that… the other one woke up. He is unstable, but awake.'

Beyond Birthday woke up? Before L? Not surprising, L had it worse, but Beyond was awake? _Now?_ And in this building. I did not like that one bit.

Something must've shown on my face, because Jane sounded slightly panicky while she said: 'Not that you are allowed to visit him right now! But… I could _ask_ for permission to visit him, if you'd like.'

Something she would have never said had she known the actually circumstances.

And did I want to talk to him? He would be on a bed, restrained, weak. It would be an opportunity to properly talk to him. Because I knew I had been at least partly right.

The look he had given me when I asked if he was in love with L was enough to tell me that whether it was the case or not, it was new information to him. But then the denial came, so strong that I believed it was more than denying because it was not the case. It was denying because he was afraid that was exactly what the case was.

'I would like that,' was the answer I gave Jane.

She smiled and nodded, not knowing a thing. Not knowing anything.

Lucky girl.

* * *

XxX

Matsuda had slept about eight hours since last Tuesday. Or maybe… twelve? Wait… No, he was losing count again.

He still remembered the phone call he got so clearly, like it was yesterday.

* * *

 _'_ _Hello, Matsuda speaking. Watari, is that you?'_

 _The old man on the other side of the phone sounded drained when he replied. 'Yes, Matsuda, it's me. I called to—'_

 _'_ _Are they alright?' Matsuda interrupted._

 _'…_ _I'm afraid that that information is at the moment classified,' Watari replied._

 _'_ _Oh.' Matsuda looked down at his shoes. 'But! But why did you call me? Can I help? Should I do something? Should I—'_

 _'_ _Go back to the Japanese Police Force, Matsuda,' Watari said. 'You have served us long enough. Go back to where you belong.'_

 _Matsuda frowned. 'But… but what about the child?!'_

 _'_ _It's no use looking for Near when he does not want to be found,' Watari said, which sounded logical to Matsuda. After all, the boy had been scarily similar to L, so he probably was a genius, too._

 _Still, did this mean Matsuda would never see Watari or Ryuzaki ever again? Somehow, that made him… sad. 'Okay, I understand,' he answered nevertheless. 'Anything else you need?'_

 _The other side of the line was silent for so long Matsuda got worried. 'Sir?'_

 _'_ _Live your life in peace, Matsuda,' Watari said, after which he abruptly hung up._

* * *

Matsuda had not known what to make of it at the time. He still didn't. Olivia wasn't responding to his messages and he hadn't heard back from Ryuzaki either. L was still present, but it wasn't _his_ L anymore. L had once again become a stranger.

And Matsuda had once again been left behind.

* * *

XxX

It took Jane a while to convince whoever she had to convince, because it was already one of my last days in the hospital. I would still need physical therapy for a few months, but I didn't need to walk on crutches soon and that meant that I was allowed to go home. Sanami had already been called and she would come to pick me up in three days.

I walked to his room alone, the FBI agent set to keep me away from… L's room kept a few feet distance from me, which was great. He let me go inside Beyond Birthday's room alone, though I knew he would be right outside waiting, doing his job.

'Oh no,' was the reaction I got when I walked into the room.

It looked exactly the same as Ryuzaki's room, but Beyond Birthday was laying in a weird machine. And he looked… much worse than Ryuzaki had. His whole skin had that burned look and one look told me he needed to get skin transplants. Not that he wanted to, but he'd probably need it.

'Yes, I am disgusting, glad you're enjoying yourself,' he said. His voice still sounded the same. Menacing and unnecessarily mean. But it also sounded like he was on a _lot_ of painkillers, so maybe this conversation wasn't going to be as painful as I'd thought.

'Look who's the one on drugs now,' was what I said.

He did not look amused.

'I'm sorry,' I said and then I hated myself for apologizing. 'Well, not really, but you get the gesture. You look awful, by the way.'

'And you're on crutches,' was Beyond's brilliant observation. The burning had not only damaged his skin. His voice was different, like it had been cut through. Like it hurt to talk. Like his vocal chords were burned as well. 'Tragic. I thought I would at least be able to kill you.'

'Those people you killed before,' I said, ignoring his words completely. 'Did you enjoy killing them? Or did you have someone else in mind while you strangled them, or let them bleed out, or—'

'You don't know anything,' he said.

A smiled crept up my face. 'Does that mean that I'm right?'

No answer. 'Who did you see?' I ask. 'Did you see L? Or did you see yourself?'

There followed such a long silence that I gave up on him actually answering my question. But then he muttered the answer, softly, like he needed to say it to himself, not to me. 'I am not sure.'

I looked at the burned man in the bed and sighed, grabbed a chair and put it next to the bed. It took some effort, since I was trying to walk on crutches without making the nurses mad, but dragging a chair while walking on crutches wasn't exactly easy. 'Okay. So, I am not a person who would usually do this but…' I pretended to adjust my glasses, even though I wasn't wearing any. 'How are you feeling today?'

'What are you going?' Beyond asked, like the whole sentence was a curse on itself.

'Therapy. It seems to work,' I answered with a shrug. 'So, when you kill someone and you see the life draining from their face, it's not their face you see.'

Silence. Then, after a while, he gave in. 'No.'

I swallowed. 'You see someone else.'

'Yes.'

'L—' I couldn't even finish my sentence, because he interrupted me with another: 'Yes.'

'…and yourself,' I said, finishing my sentence.

He still decided to answer, though I had given him no reason to. 'Yes.'

'Because you look so alike.'

Silence.

'You made it that way. That you look alike. But what came first? Did you want to kill L and as soon as you started dressing like him, you wanted to kill yourself, too? Or did you want to be killed and as soon as you started to dress like L, you wanted to kill L, too? Which one came first?'

I got no answer. Perhaps I hit a sore spot. Perhaps I pushed too much. But now I was thinking out loud and I couldn't stop. 'If you are in love with L, you wouldn't want to kill him, would you? Hypothetical situation. You are in love with L, but you cannot have him. And you loathe yourself and admire him so much but he doesn't look your way and you can't seem to grasp his attention. So you dress like him. Not in a split personality kind of way, but more in an admiration, or a means to getting his attention? But he still doesn't want you. Maybe you start to hate him for not giving you any attention, for not looking your way. And with loving and hating him comes loving and hating yourself. Because you look alike. And because you hate yourself for loving him and love yourself for hating him.'

It felt like one explanation out of a thousand, but Beyond wasn't denying anything. 'Was it this way around? Or am I wrong?'

No answer. Just silence. I had gone too far. 'You know, I always answered you when you tortured and interrogated me.'

'Your mistake,' he answered.

'You think I won't do it?' I asked. 'I don't even have to do anything much. I think even touching you would be painful now. Or just cutting off your supply of painkillers.'

Not that either of those would work. He could just scream for a nurse and then I would be guided out of the room and lectured again.

Beyond Birthday seemed to have realised this, too, because he wasn't moving a muscle. I knew he wasn't going to answer me. Maybe that meant I was right, I wasn't sure.

Something about his silence and the monitors and these last few weeks made me soften against the sight of Beyond deliberately not looking at me.

'Making him kill you won't change anything,' I said softly. 'You'll die, just the way you lived. It won't change who you are. It won't end anything other than your life and the events around it. If you want to kill him, I can understand. You want to die, I can understand that, too. Wanting him to kill you… is that just your last hope at gaining any sort of part in Ryuzaki's life?'

I stood. 'Because I'm not sure you've noticed, but him not killing you is Ryuzaki actually acknowledging you as a presence in his life. Killing you would be much more degrading than trying to keep you alive. Something he has been doing for the last couple of years, mind you.' With a sigh, I realised that he wasn't listening and surely wasn't talking. 'Perhaps we are both so entranced by L because we both seem to have a thing for self-destruction.'

And I walked away after that, since I knew I wasn't going to get an answer or reaction anyway. I tried to walk away with dignity, but I was still using crutches, so that didn't go over so well.

* * *

XxX

There are things L thought of in the dark, when there was nothing but screens and food to keep him company.

The way light played with blue hair, as if it was a mystery on its own. The way that hair varied in texture so often that he wanted to feel it every day at least once.

The way Light had looked when he'd realised that he was – in fact – dying.

The warm breath that smelled like peppermints on his lips as she tried to keep her breathing steady.

The very first corps he'd ever seen before him, laid on the ground like an artwork he couldn't possibly understand.

The way she would look at him, then at the ground and then back up at him, finally meeting his eyes.

The way he had found her on the ground that day so many years ago, when she had been nothing more than just a child.

The way his lips muffled the soft noises she made when they kissed.

How she looked when he found her again, after Beyond had taken her away. And the mess of a person he had found. The guilt he had felt.

Her hands on his chest and in his hair and on his back, touching like they never wanted to stop. His thought being silenced for once as he just let himself be human instead of the monster he normally was.

And now the last time he had found her, drugged and in danger. Hit across the face.

The way he could hear her heartbeat when she was close enough and the blush on her cheeks and the way he _felt_ her heartbeat if his hands were wrapped around her wrists, or in her neck.

And he way he still loved her despite his better judgement as to what was healthy and good for her.

There were only some of the things that shot through L's mind in the darkness.

But in this darkness, there was nothing.

No sound, no thought, no melody. No faces, no pain, no guilt. Nothing. Endless and endless nothing.

But then, somewhere a light went on. It was then that he was aware of his body, on a bed, as his thought came rushing back. He was on a bed. A hospital bed, most likely. And injured. He felt the painkillers in his system, felt something press him down. An injury. He had a hard time breathing and it took a while before he realised they'd put a breathing aid on. Then he heard the beeping monitor, the device that let the world know that he was still alive. Aside from that, there was only his breathing.

No sound, no melody.

His melody, the way his life seemed to hum and actually _spring_ to leave whenever she entered. The way he only felt human when she was around. She was the melody. Even her names were a melody. _Olivia. Allison._

She had once asked him to say that name again, after he first time he had used that name to call out to her in an attempt to reach her. It wasn't a difficult request. L would be happy to repeat that name. He would sing it like a song without a melody. _Allison, Allison, Allison_. He didn't need a melody when she was alive and well.

 _Was_ she alive and well?

It was this thought that made L finally open his eyes.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **Argh, I struggled with that last part a bit, but I hope it ended up okay.**

 **We are getting so, so, so, so close to the end! You guys have no idea. I think there will be 64 chapters and then that's it! It's done! Crazy! I don't want to say goodbye to these characters yet, but I do feel like it's time. Are we ready? Well, are** ** _you_** **ready? Because I am not.**

 **Special shout out to a friend of mine who is very busy right now and I'll pray that everything goes well for you and that my prayers helped at the time you read this! (crappy English but please forgive me I have barely slept in a week and I don't feel tired this is getting problematic…)**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **stydiakisses (sorry for the lack of a dot but the document thingy of this site acts up if I put it in there for some reason...): wow, thank you so much! I have nothing to say but that: just thank you very much! I love writing this story and I love it when people love it, so thank you!**

 **randomfics29: Thank you so much. I… I don't know what else to say, that's one of the biggest compliments I have ever gotten and I'm kind of stumped. And yes, I do make typos, I always feel so guilty about them, though! Anyways, thank you so very much, I love doing what I do. God bless you and I hope you'll enjoy this story until the end!**

 **XxX**


	63. Other Options

**Hey guys! I am back! Sorry it took so long, I got sick! But like stupid sick, I had free time for the first time since forever and I could only spend it in bed it wasn't great.**

 **Also this story is pretty damn close to being over! And I am not ready. This chapter will kind of be the ending, but there will be a chapter 64 to place a bow on top. From then on, just like with my previous story, the story will be "completed", but some extra chapters about adventures that characters go on and stuff like that are added. These chapters are completely random in when they appear and how long they are and they don't influence the completed story as a whole, that's why, after chapter 64, this story will be "completed", but it won't be over. Did everybody get it? Do people actually read this? Don't know, we'll find out.**

 ****DISCLAIMER I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **XxX**

 **63\. Other Options**

Moving back into an old home that never felt like a home to begin with is like moving in with a really distant relative. Literally, now that I thought about it.

Sanami was still busy with work, but it was different now. She would be home as much as possible and cook with me and talk about stupid stuff and we would watch movies until the sun went down and back up and she had to go to work with a tired face. 'Nothing make-up can't fix,' she always assured me. I believed her, because it also actually seemed like she was enjoying herself.

Whenever Sanami wasn't there to keep me company, I was mostly busy with healing and catching up on the world. Reading news, scanning people's Facebook's. Programming new files. And I tried to shut it out, my power. Sometimes I would slip into it without realising how and I would see red everywhere, numbers and names and ticking clocks. I never wanted to see it and when I did, I blinked until it disappeared. And I tried, but it never stopped.

I heard nothing from Watari for two weeks. Matsuda seemed to be even more confused than I was and even though he texted me every day, I kind of held off on that. He did tell me that chief Yagami offered that I would always have a place on the Japanese Task Force, if I wanted. And I wasn't sure I wanted that. It seemed like mundane for me now.

It was somewhere after two weeks that I received a text message. It was from an unknown number, but I still knew who it was even before I opened the message.

 **HE IS AWAKE. – W**

That was all he had to say, because I knew enough. He was awake. Not okay, not completely recovered, but awake. I sighed happily and looked at my window, the world in. Had the world always been so bright? Maybe. Perhaps. Or maybe, things were just getting clearer.

* * *

XxX

I called Watari three weeks after my release.

'Ah, Olivia,' he said as soon as he picked up, still sounding drained.

I must admit I was surprised he'd picked up at all. 'Hey, Watari. How are you holding up?'

A pause. 'Fine. What can I do for you?'

'How is he doing?' I asked, glancing over at Sanami, who was making dinner. I was standing in the hall. She could hear every word I said, but I gathered that she knew too much already, so it shouldn't be a problem.

'Good, good,' Watari replied vaguely. 'He is doing better than Beyond, actually. Who knew that that boy was allergic to most medical equipment.'

Weird change of topic. Too… forced. 'You aren't lying to me, are you?' I asked, a hint of panic in my voice. Sanami looked up from her pans, frowning. 'How bad is it?'

A sigh followed by another pause. 'It's not that, Olivia. It's just that… Ryuzaki has requested some distance between him and you.'

Ah, that old little problem again. 'Oh. Okay,' I said.

'Wha— You aren't upset?' Watari asked, confused and surprised.

'Well, no, not really,' I answered, shrugging. 'A bit hurt, of course, but it's not the first time this has happened or anything like that. It's not like I won't chase him if he avoids me. But can you contact me when he's done being difficult?'

Watari still seemed rather surprised, even over the phone I could tell. 'Euh… Well… Yeah… Of course, Olivia. I will do my best.'

'Thank you,' I said and I noticed that Sanami was making funny faces at me. 'I'm going to hang up now.'

'What? Ah, yes. Have a nice evening, Olivia,' Watari said.

'Same,' I said before hanging up and giving Sanami a glare.

'What?' she asked innocently. 'What did I do?'

I rolled my eyes. 'I assume you think you're rather funny.'

'What?' she repeated. 'I _am_ funny, what are you talking about.'

I rolled my eyes again, but smiled and walked back into the kitchen, where I sat down at the kitchen table.

'Is your boyfriend feeling better?' she asked. She had just decided to call him my boyfriend for now, because she didn't like all those complicated tags. She didn't understand that 'L' and 'boyfriend' were two things that could never really work together anyway.

'I guess,' I said with a shrug. It was not a light shrug. Even with her back turned towards me, Sanami seemed to know that, because she did not ask again.

* * *

XxX

Beyond Birthday was declining medical help. As soon as he was healthy enough to decline it, he took every opportunity to. He was difficult, but it was the FBI. He was a prisoner and a patient and he was not leaving.

The staff kept visiting Ryuzaki about it. The doctors begged him to convince Beyond otherwise. They didn't understand that even L did not have such power. The only person who did understand that, was someone who had helped Ryuzaki almost from the day L was born. Not the director, but one of the higher members of the FBI. When the director was not around to make decisions, it was given over to him.

He got a visit from this exact person the first day Ryuzaki was allowed to walk around on his own, though with some support.

'He is refusing all help he can refuse, though this mostly doesn't stop us, it does seem like a waste of resources and his healing process is going slow because of his behaviour.' The man sighed and rubbed his forehead. 'And even if he was healed fully, he would be locked up for the rest of his life anyway. I hate to admit it, but I do kind of get his point.'

Ryuzaki avoided eye contact. 'You need to be clear about what it is you are asking me to do right now.'

The man smiled vaguely, sadly. Put his hands deep inside his pockets. 'I'm not asking you to do anything. I'm only asking you to do what you see fit.' He looked on his watch then, bored. 'I disabled all the cameras and audio devices in Beyond Birthday's room. You can talk freely with him, but I do advise you to not take too long.'

 _Do what you see fit._ Ryuzaki closed his eyes. 'I am unsure whether you really are being honest right now. There's about a forty-nine percent chance that you are not.'

The smile faded. 'I know it's hard for you to trust people. But do remember that accident happen everywhere. In warehouses, in caravans, in orphanages—' Ryuzaki looked up at the man with the deadliest glare he had ever seen. He cleared his throat as a response. '— _hospitals_ ,' did he add to his list, a way of telling Ryuzaki there actually was a very specific thing he wanted him to do.

Ryuzaki closed his eyes once more. 'I think it's time for you to leave, sir.'

A sigh. 'Very well.'

* * *

XxX

'Good evening.'

Beyond's face went from blank to annoyed so quickly Ryuzaki wondered if he'd been annoyed all along. 'Oh, look who came to bless me with their visit. I assume your also the one that got rid of the cameras a microphones?'

Ryuzaki was not, in fact, responsible, but he did not humour Beyond with an answer.

'Oh what? You're just going to stand there and stare at me? Just because they taped me to the bed doesn't give you any right to stare at me!' He did not sound as upset as he looked.

Ryuzaki walked closer, slowly, though he never feared Beyond Birthday. Not even for a second. Because, in a way, they were alike.

Not right now. Without the make-up and the injuries, he looked like a stranger, even to L. He did not like to admit it, but sometimes Ryuzaki forgot that Beyond had another face then his own. He always saw himself, even now. It could have so easily been him.

'Your girlfriend visited me a bit ago,' Beyond then said, snapping Ryuzaki right out of his thoughts. 'Or was it not a bit ago? Maybe it was a _long_ time ago, not sure.' Beyond made a gesture that clearly was supposed to symbolize a shrug. 'She is a wise one, that one. Could have easily fit in with us. Could have easily been driven mad, too.' He puckered his lip. 'Though I am not sure if this is a great feature or a lethal one.'

'Could very well be both,' Ryuzaki said as he reached the bed.

A cynic smile played across Beyond's lips. 'Yes, could be.' His smile fell as he sighed, ignoring his injuries as he did. Beyond never really seemed like he really had pain. He usually just seemed annoyed when he was in pain. Like it was an inconvenience, but nothing else.

'Can I ask you a question?' Ryuzaki asked after a long silence.

Beyond did not seem pleased with that question. 'I assume you are going to anyway, so why not.'

Another pause. 'Are you in love with me?'

The concept itself seemed impossible. It seemed like this weird vision in Ryuzaki's mind because it could explain everything and also nothing at all. Beyond had never shown any traditional sign of attraction, not that Ryuzaki had picked up. But Beyond wasn't a normal person. And would he have been so angry at Allison if it wasn't for that remark having at least a hint of truth to it?

'I wonder,' was all Beyond said. It wasn't really a love confession, but it wasn't a denial either.

Another silence filled the room.

'So where does this leave us?' Beyond asked after a very long silence. 'The same place we were before? Are you locking me away again?' He snorted. 'You sure love it to put people in places where you don't have to think about them.'

Ryuzaki wasn't quite sure what the younger man had meant. And Beyond Birthday noticed. For all that they were, they knew each other well. 'What? You abandoned her again, right? Whenever you cannot fix a problem, you stick it somewhere far away from you. You take no action. You freeze. We, however—' a pause as Beyond tried to shrug; a failed attempt '—according to _her_ we tend to seek out the problems. We self-destruct.'

And L preserved, kept himself save. Paranoia, perseverance. Self-destruction. It seemed like opposites, so why were these opposites so alike?

'What do you advise I do with you, then?' L asked softly, for once not feeling like anything else but a detective. He would hear Beyond out and make the decision for himself. Without thinking of justice, law, the orphanage, Watari. They had already influenced his judgement too much. _She_ had already influenced his judgement too much. But was that so bad? Was a detective rally supposed to be a unfeeling justice machine? Did justice even work that way? Ryuzaki wasn't so sure anymore.

It was easier. He never understood how to me a normal functioning human being, so it was easier to pretend that it was better for him not to act like one. But maybe, just maybe, he never had to try. Every human was, despite how they were made or acted. Monsters, heroes, men, women, and everything else. What did the mayor opinion matter at the end of the day? He shut himself off for the world, why worry about their judgement? He didn't. He never did. But he did wonder why he wasn't like _them_.

'I will not give you advise, L,' Beyond said, sounding suddenly bored. Or perhaps tired. 'You know what I want. But perhaps… No, it has changed. Chasing your attention has made me realise that I'm not like this. I don't think I am made for this.'

'For what, exactly?' Ryuzaki wondered.

Beyond closed his eyes. 'Living.'

A long silence. Ryuzaki thought about that. Beyond, seeing the numbers, names and colours of death. It had seemed so insane, a hint of crazy. But then… the Shinigami's came. And he learned about the eyes. And suddenly the impossible was proven. But somewhere, Ryuzaki had always known that Beyond Birthday was not crazy.

After all, they were alike in a way.

Beyond Birthday would never be able to function as a normal human being. Whatever that was supposed to mean. He would never be able to _function_ at all. Not with all what he saw, all that he was. Maybe that was why all this plans ended in his own death. Maybe that had been his desire all along. Maybe the only difference was what he left the world with.

'Would you be satisfied?' Ryuzaki asked, not looking at Beyond anymore. 'Leaving the world without making your mark? Without killing or defeating me?'

Beyond Birthday was silent for so long that Ryuzaki almost looked back at his face. But then he spoke: 'I think if I had the strength I would be gone now. Without defeating you. Without doing anything. Just quietly disappear. Maybe that was the end that was meant for me.'

Perhaps it was. 'But is it the end you desire?' Ryuzaki asked, still not looking.

Another silence. Then, suddenly, the two men looked at each other at the same time. Communicating. But not quite speaking. Ryuzaki walked over to the buttons that controlled Beyond Birthday's IV. It was easy. Overdoses happened sometimes. The wrong drugs, the wrong moment. He would do it. He could do what he would never do outside this room. But inside, he was just L. Not Ryuzaki, Ryuuga. Not a person. But not quite a machine. He was L. He allowed himself to be L and L only, at this time and in this room.

Beyond closed his eyes again, realising. 'The end I desires is long gone. I wished I had died before Watari had found me. I wished I had died on the streets. A young boy that never meant anything to anyone.'

'You meant something to me,' Ryuzaki said. It wasn't quite a compliment, but it was enough. It was what he needed.

'If all other options are too late to consider, this is the way I want to disappear,' Beyond spoke softly, reaching a hand to the buttons. He had to strength in his finger to push them. But his movements showed that he had tried before.

Another long silence, charged with something else this time. Ryuzaki slowly took Beyond's fingers and guided them to the buttons. Pressed. It wasn't anything else than murder, even despite Ryuzaki not even touching the buttons, but it didn't feel sinful at all. But it did not feel like judgement either.

A few pushes were enough. Ryuzaki let Beyond Birthday's hand fall to his side.

It was a slow death and not quite painless, but Beyond managed to smile. And Ryuzaki stayed by his side, waiting for it to be over.

* * *

XxX

Beyond Birthday managed to get out one more sinister smile. 'Give Allison Sever my sincerest apologies.'

'I think she'll know that they weren't that sincere.'

'True as that might be, give them to her anyway.'

* * *

XxX

I wasn't sure when or why I decided to visit the Yagami family. It felt like something that should be done. I walked towards the Japanese Police Headquarters and walked right in. Most people still recognised me, despite my normal hair. Matsuda came to find me soon enough and he brought me to Yagami. What I had not expected was the reaction he gave me.

He stood from his desk, a soft smile on his face. Tears in his eyes. I wondered what he saw when he looked at me. The final moments of his son' life? The assistant he had lost to what his son had done? Or did he just see a girl, with dark hair and a drained face?

I asked him how he was doing, but his answers were vague. I kept asking just the right questions until he invited me for dinner, though he did not seem unwilling. I waited for his shift to be over. We walked to his house in silence. Didn't talk. And then we walked into his house… and it was normal again.

'Mom! Dad's home!' Sayu shouted. She ran to the hall, saw me and her jaw dropped. 'Mom! Olivia's here!'

As if nothing had changed. As if I was still a welcome guest. Loss changed everyone, but the kindness and heart of this family hadn't wavered.

Sachiko appeared moment later in the hallway, to hug her husband and to look at me. She took my wrist and looked at me from head to toe. Then she smiled. 'You looked like you could gain some extra weight. I always quite liked how well-fed you were, so don't get skinny now, okay?' Her smiled widened. Still, out of all of them, she had changed the most in appearance.

Yagami-san was already old before Light died. Harsh as that may sound, the only thing that distinctively changed was his expression. His eyes were sad and thought he rarely used to smile before, not it seemed like his face was completely unable of doing so, despite me already knowing that he was still able. Yagami just looked… sad. Always looked sad.

But Sachiko was different. She was still kind and smiled but… losing her son had aged her. She had been quite youthful looking before, but now there was no idea that this was an older woman. She looked… old. But healthy. I assumed that Sayu and her husband took good care of her. As they should. In this kind of situations, family was important.

Not that I would know, of course.

We walked into the living room and as I scanned the room, I realised that not much has changed. But there was one big change. A small memorial for Light. It felt said, because it was so simple, but also so neat and fancy. As if they knew he deserved better, but also knew he deserved less.

Sachiko and Sayu would never know the truth.

Suddenly, I was thinking about Light. About his wants and beliefs, about how sad he had looked in the void. How Light had deserved so much better than that, how Kira had deserved so much worse. It wasn't fair.

 _But life isn't fair and it isn't fair to look at life as such._ Ryuzaki had said those words. Long ago. And not even to me. But to the man who'd lost his son only days after. Death seemed way less kind than imprisonment in his case.

I knelt by the memorial without saying anything. Not to pray, or wish, or hope. Just to think about how life was destroyed simply by one notebook. Not all the criminals who died, though they had been a loss too. But this family had gotten all the undeserved blows, it seemed. Light Yagami, the perfect student with the perfect life ahead of him, had lost all the deserved because of it. Because he became unworthy to deserve any of it. Because of what he became. But was that his fault? Would he have changed if he hadn't gained that power?

'Olivia…san?' Sayu said hesitantly, sounding much more respectful than she had ever had before.

I stood and smiled. 'Yes, I am sorry.'

* * *

XxX

We talked about nothing. Avoided all the important subject. But somehow, that was okay. That was comfortable. Sachiko gave me some food to bring home for Sanami as well and a bottle of soda for the way home. Sayu saw me to the door and Yagami nodded me goodbye.

I didn't go up the stairs. And they didn't ask me to. Sayu didn't ask help with homework and there was no son to speak to upstairs anymore. Yet somehow I knew, even without looking, that Light's room would still be intact, untouched. I doubted they would ever change it.

I was on the bus home when I called Sanami. She sounded a bit drunk, but nothing I wouldn't be able to handle. I forgot that having me there was getting in the way of her social life. Maybe it was good that I was out today, I had given her some space to hang out and have some drinks with friends.

I was still on the bus when a familiar shape appeared before me.

But I was somewhere completely else when I started to scream.

* * *

XxX

'So you have been having nightmares for a long time. Why decide to seek help now?'

'Because they are getting worse,' I explain. 'Even in brought daylight. I mean, I used to hallucinate in brought daylight before, but not so regularly.'

'And what do you see?' the shrink asked me.

 _Shinigami. And Kira. And Beyond Birthday._ I couldn't tell her any of that. 'Death.' I looked away from her, out of the window. The rain was pouring down. But it had been so pretty yesterday…

'And why do you see death, Olivia?' she asked me, adjusting her glasses in an attempt to look more important.

I wasn't sure how useful these questions were. I wasn't sure if they had ever been useful at all. But if I wanted to achieve my goal, if I wanted to be worthy and healthy by the time I hunted Ryuzaki down, I might need the nightmares to stop. After all, I didn't want him hitting me every goddamn day. 'I'm not sure,' I asked. 'But doesn't everyone see death? The people we see walking on the street, they are dying. The people we see on the news. Everything is death.'

And my eyes were only proof. The numbers that were ticking down whenever I slipped into it. Did Beyond see them all the time? Yes, everyone saw death, but no one was aware. If you had a clock around you, if there was something that kept remembering you that all you saw was death around you? Death, death, death. Wouldn't you lose the point? Wouldn't you agree with all the death around you?

Wouldn't you want to join in the fun?

* * *

XxX

It felt stupid when I felt like I was getting better. No, not better. That wasn't the right word. Peaceful. I started to see all the things wrong in the world and the more I noticed, the less I was focused on all that was wrong with me. I still had nightmares, hallucinations, but I had those before. The only one who had stopped them, although temporarily, was being stubborn once more.

'Why do I have a feeling that you are leaving soon?' Sanami asked me one morning.

'Because I am,' I replied as I put on my coat. 'Hairdresser, remember? I told you I made an appointment.'

'Oh yeah,' Sanami said, though we both knew she hadn't been talking about that. But she allowed the subject changed. 'And what are you going to do this time?'

It wasn't like I always came home from the hairdresser with crazy hair, but that was certainly how Sanami wanted to make it sound. Sanami could be wrong like that. The weird thing was how utterly right she was sometimes. I hadn't told her I was going to leave yet. And she just knew. Maybe I changed over these past few days, so subtly that I myself didn't notice. But Sanami noticed. She noticed much more than I gave her credit for.

'Well, thanks, I guess, but I promise you won't be too surprised when I return,' I said as I opened the front door.

'Tell me at least which colour!' Sanami shouted after me, as if she couldn't guess.

I rolled my eyes and looked back, giving her a fake annoyed glance. 'Blue!' I shouted back for disappearing into the daylight. And although so many days had past, for some reason, it was only today that I realised that a new day had begun.

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 **XxX**

 **Poooeh, hope that wasn't too bad. I did my best, but it's hard to write through these parts of the story. Because I can picture them, but** ** _describing_** **them is so much harder. Anyway, hope I managed this chapter!**

 **Thank you for reading, this story is wrapping up soon, so be prepared! (mostly talking to myself now) Bye for now wonderful people and talk to you soon!**

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 **XxX**

 **I will respond to reviews next week, but today I am just going to sleep, because I can barely keep my eyes open. Excuses, but I promise I will reply at the end of the next chapter!**

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	64. Streaks

**OOPS I KEEP SAYING THINGS ARE ENDING AND THEN I AM HALFWAY THROUGH THE ENDING AND THE CHAPTER IS ALREADY WAY LONGER THAN ANY OTHER CHAPETR SO YEAH. PENULTIMATE CHAPTER. THE ENDING WILL BE SPREAD. SORRY.**

 **OH MY GOD! I am so sorry! I was going to update, I swear, but I went to the Harry Potter Exhibition that is currently in the Netherlands on Sunday and then I just… I FORGOT! I JUST FORGOT TO FINISH THE CHAPTER! I AM AWFUL AND VERY SORRY. Jesus Christ, I really am stupid. Anyway, here is chapter 64, the penultimate chapter, in a way. That is to say, there will be one more chapter (because I couldn't wrap it up nicely in this one) and an epilogue and some random extra chapters, but this is the penultimate actual chapter and I am scared. And I managed to update late, so ten points from Ravenclaw because of my tardiness. Anyway, Let's start this chapter.**

 ****DISCLAIMER I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

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 **XxX**

 **64\. Streaks**

'I don't think this counts.'

A shrug. 'Oh no, it counts.'

'But it's not even blue!'

'It is!'

Sanami was observing my hair with a stubborn expression. My hair had been cut and was now above my shoulders, my own dark hair filled with little streaks of blue. It was not the old me, it was not a new me. It was everything I had been before and everything I was going to become. I was going to try to make that happen.

'Well, it certainly is less obvious than the bright blue hair you were always flipping about,' Sanami said after a while, still looking at it as if she wasn't sure what to think.

I grabbed one strand of hair and wound it around my finger. 'Well, thank you. So glad to hear you say that,' I said, voice filled with sarcasm.

'When are you leaving?'

Suddenly, all sense of humour and teasing were gone. Sanami looked at me with a serious expression, a hurt one. I had actually hurt her. Was I really going to hurt her again? Yes, she would miss me, but how much?

No. Sanami would be fine without me. And I knew someone who just might not be, if I was lucky. Or I just needed to convince him that _I_ needed _him_. I had to believe he was selfish enough to take that reason.

'I have a plane to catch in four days,' I answered, avoiding her eyes, but wanting to look at her, to honestly convey what I was doing.

'What did the doctor say?' Sanami asked.

I rolled my eyes. 'I simply have had a minor setback in my healing. I always have had bad dreams and hallucinations, Sanami. I am not going to base my decisions around that. I won't let it rule my life.' And also, the person I wanted at my side was pretty good at keeping them away. Or slapping me when they came anyway.

Sanami did not look convinced, however. She sighed. 'I feel like I have done nothing good for you since the moment you came here.'

My eyebrows rose and before I knew it, I had stepped forward and grabbed her hands. 'Do not think for even one second that that is true, Sanami,' I said, sounding angry yet kind. 'You are one of the best things that could have happened to me. It was my fault for not being able to appreciate a good thing when I had it. Whenever I doubted you, it was always because it was easier to blame you than to admit that I was the one at fault. That I was the one pushing you out. And yet, despite having no reason to, you helped me. When I was hospitalised, when I needed a place to stay. You were there. So do not live your life thinking you have let me down, Sanami. If anyway has let me down, it's me.' And L. Just a bit. But not really. I expected him to run from me at this point.

Sanami did not look convinced, but she did look like she would be convinced of my words someday. Someday, I would be nothing but a vague memory. Or maybe, just maybe, I could keep in touch without forming a danger. Maybe, Ryuzaki was going to be stubborn and I would have to leave anyway. I refused to believe that, though. Because, at the end of the day, even when he so desperately tried to, Ryuzaki had never really shut or kicked me out. Like he couldn't. Like he secretly did not want to.

After a while, Sanami spoke. 'At least let me take you to the airport.'

I did not protest.

* * *

XxX

The only one who responded to me messages, was Mello. Matt had given me his number, perhaps as a joke, once. Matt hadn't replied, though I assumed his telephone was probably gone. Hannah, Roger and Watari did not respond, all on Ryuzaki's order, I was sure. And Ryuzaki… he did not respond either. But I had to believe that was not because he did not want to.

But yes, seeing how Mello was the only one that responded (well, "responded" was a big word. I asked if the orphanage was okay and well and in the right place again, and he had replied with " **HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER** ") he was the only one who could help me. Which he did, for some reason. He did not tell me any information over the phone, assuming it was too dangerous, but he did agree to pick me up at the airport, even though I had to remind him that he did not actually have a real driver's license (to which he had replied with " **real, fake, what does it matter, I can drive** ") .

I asked Sanami to drop me off extra early because I knew her. And I was right. It took her thirty minutes to hug me and cry. But it took me far longer to, far longer than she could tell. Because my most significant tears always stayed hidden. For a person who cries so much, the silent, invisible tears mean to much more.

The airplane felt like a prison, since it had been a cheap flight and I wasn't used to the amount of people anymore, even though not that much time had passed. I tried to watch a movie, then found that I couldn't focus on it at all. Why was I nervous? I had been so, so determined. I would follow him to the end of the world, even if that meant chasing him for the rest of my life. Then _why_ was I still so scared I was making a mistake?

It was around five hours into the flight when I realised the lights were all out. I looked at my neighbour and he looked back, but with weird hollow eyes. When I gasped and tried to back away, I fell out of the chair, only to find the airplane around me to have vanished into thin air. And then, everything did. As if there was nothing left but the dark hollow eyes of my neighbour.

And then I was falling.

* * *

XxX

Dust and a grey sky. That was the only thing I saw, wherever I looked. There was a wind that was spreading the dust and as the dust was blown away, bones laying on the ground beneath it were revealed.

I did not scream, I did not cry out. I was either dreaming, or this was something different. Something I had been waiting for.

From the hills of dark dust, creatures started to lure. Some climbed like animals, some flew. Other just… walked. I searched the monsters, all distinctly different and all a very specific type of nightmare, but I did not see a familiar face. Rem was dead. Ryuk probably wasn't very popular around here. And Ico was nowhere to be found.

I could not comprehend why I wasn't scared. I just found myself unable to feel anything other than a mild curiosity. If this world full of dust and grey was the world of the Shinigami, what did that say about the afterlife? What did that say about the nature of the Shinigami?

And then, finally, something made of nightmares appeared. It wasn't a monster with a real shape or form, it was like this ball of power, with chains and teeth and claws. It's red flesh seemed so vibrant and I felt my energy weaken when I looked at him, my eyes burning. I could only guess what it was, but could possibly never comprehend the thing I witnessed.

'Broken one,' it said with a voice that did not sound like anything. It sounded wicked, yet soothing. Male, yet female. Old, yet young. Terrifying, yet calming. But it sounded like all that, and more. It sounded like everything and nothing.

The Shinigami cackled as the massive being of power hovered closer, the chains cutting so close that they could entrap me at any given moment. Then I saw his face, but it looked like nothing and everything again. Like a skull inside a skull inside a skull. It was an endless pit of death and destruction.

'I see you have arrived fairly unharmed. I suppose Ico has not lied to me about that,' the voice said. 'I am a form of many names, but you can refer to me as the King of Death, Ruler of all Shinigami and the ruler of the Shinigami Realm and all its powers.'

Death notes. He was talking about death notes. He had to be.

It was weird to see that the creature talked without moving its mouth, but his whole body seemed to be… pulsing. As if itself was only made out of power and a beating heart. 'Curious to see a human with a broken lifespan myself. I never care to… observe such curiosities myself.'

'Then why did you bring me here?' I dared to ask.

'Not a very proper way to address something like me,' the creature answered.

'Old man!' a familiar voice called. My eyes searched and finally found Ico, nervously in a group of others. One that looked more bird-like cackled as Ico nervous took a step closer. 'Say what you have to say. Don't keep her here longer than necessary. Though she is fine _now_ , we don't know if that will stay that way.'

A short silence. The wind seemed to come to a halt, as if listening to every single word that was uttered. '…Very well,' the Shinigami King finally said, tearing his deadly eyes – so _so_ many eyes – away from me and to Ico. 'Talk.'

Ico looked surprised, but relieved. She turned to me with a smile. 'The Shinigami King called upon you to give you a deal, Allison. You can regain and live out your maximum lifespan, with no possible obstacles. Not even a Death Note would harm you. But you would grow old and die, just as you were supposed to, had nothing interfered.'

A gift more than anyone could give. Life. 'But,' I said, knowing that it wasn't free. When handling with Shinigami, everything came with a price. I assumed the King was no different. They had to pick that up from someone.

'But,' Ico agreed, 'you will pay a price most humans cannot pay. You have seen in the face of death and let managed to escape its claws. You are the closest to the Shinigami Realm as a human could ever be, save for…'

She fell silent. But I already knew what she was talking about. She seemed to know this to, as she made no attempt to finish that last sentence and just continued. 'Death Notes falling to the human world belong to the human world. Nothing can be done. The Death Notes currently on human grounds are not what we need you for, but… in the future, may there be an incident when a Death Note falls to the earth and a human starts to wield it, the King wants you to collect those Death Notes and return them to this realm. Either though me or through any other Shinigami. You shall live a long life, but must obey the rules of the realm of the death as well as the living. Our King shall be yours and his wished shall be your orders.'

A human serving the Shinigami King. Listening to his every request. But what could that be? Ico already said that the current Death Notes are not my concern, it was about future Death Notes. How many Death Notes did get dropped? How much work was this going to be?

Then I realised…. L. L was _already_ chasing after these sort of things, so wouldn't I be doing this anyway, whether I agreed or not? The only difference would be that I would not worry about my own lifespan.

But I would worry about his.

'I have a condition of my own,' I said, making some Shinigami's laugh and others stop laughing. Some though this was a funny joke. The others… I did not even want to know what the others thought this was.

The Shinigami King said nothing. I dared to stare at it, but a staring contest with an all-powerful being wasn't my smartest idea. The burning in my eyes became worse. And I probably was in more danger than I cared to realise. But I had been in danger so many times, could I really bring myself to care enough once more?

'Name you condition, then,' the King said after a long, long silence. Long enough to have killed all the laughter.

'I don't want my maximum lifespan if L Lawliet does not get his,' I said, which enflamed the noise again. Some were laughing, making fun of me and my human emotions. But others truly seemed to be fascinated by this turn of events, by condition and my feelings. 'If you tell me that L will live his life to his best potential and that I am the only one who shall pay for it in return, I will gladly be your obedient servant.'

A low sound, a positive one, made me believe this was an easy enough request to oblige. But as I looked at the Shinigami, at Ico, I realised that there was one more victim. One more thing I could perhaps save, if I tried.

'Also,' I said, and it was quiet again, 'I wish for Light Yagami to pass on to… to whatever it is that awaits after death. I want him out of the nothingness.'

'What does it matter to you?' the Shinigami King asked me. 'There's a slim chance you are never going to see him again.'

'Just because I don't see the suffering doesn't mean it is not there,' I replied, thinking about Light's original philosophy, destroyed by the power he gained from picking up the death note. And the god complex that followed after.

'So you wish to grant both yourself and L the maximum lifespan and you wish to send Light to the afterlife, is that all you ask from me, Broken One?' the monster asked, his eyes burning the very centre of my soul.

'Those are my request, yes,' I replied, not daring to look at Ico. If she looked terrified, I knew I screwed up. And I simply did not want to know. But surely, if this powerful being decided to end my life, at least it would be painless. A being like this did not seem the type to maim and torture.

The wind started to howl and my hair blew in my face, reminding me that I was the only one here that was utterly mortal and utterly human. Something from under my feet seemed to roar and the bones on the ground seem to cackle with the Shinigami as the King came closer, his colossal form taking over the grey sky.

And he looked at me one final time, my eyes burning and body slowly dying as I realised what it was that was slowly killing me in this world. This being, this King of Death, was slowly killing me just by being alive. 'Very well,' it said then, its voice suddenly harder, colder. 'Your request shall be granted. But never forget to pay the price, or the gifts granted shall be harshly taken away from you.'

I did not have the chance to say anything back, as the Shinigami cackles suddenly became louder, the bones on the ground started to reach up, up, up, up and grabbed me, grabbed me down into the dust.

Until I was back in the airplane, where nothing had changed or mattered.

When, perhaps, everything had.

* * *

XxX

I had not realised that Ico was part of the deal. Well, I kind of had, but not like this. As soon as I landed, she was there, telling me that she could be discreet and leave me alone when asked, but that she also was going to stick around. I decided I had no arguments against it that would hold, so I just gave up immediately.

I waited for my suitcase, got into the country. Holiday, 90 days. I had to make sure Ryuzaki helped my fix something within that time period, since I did not want to be set out of the country. It would probably take him only one phone call anyway.

'HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!' Mello shouted as I found him in the arriving hall. 'Could you walk any _slower_? Why are you such a snail!' he snarled while violently grabbing my suitcase in a secretly kind gesture. Violently pulling my suitcase with him, he said: 'I even let Hannah drive since you clearly did not want _me_ to drive because the law and all that shit.'

Hannah? 'Hannah's here?' I asked, not sure how I sounded.

Mello looked back at me like I'd just grown four new arms. 'Er, yes? Is that so surprising? She has been telling L to get a clue and marry you this past year or so, why shouldn't she be?'

Had she? Wah. But then… 'But she didn't respond to my mail,' I answered and it sounded like a question.

Mello rolled his eyes. 'Because she, Roger, L and Watari change numbers every three months, perhaps? Jesus, where have you been?'

'Oh, you know, the Shinigami Realm, nothing special,' I said easily.

Mello stopped in his tracks, making me bump into him. He looked back at me, his angry face looked puzzled. Like he was trying to find the joke in my words. I looked back blankly. After a while, he seemed to decide that it had indeed been a joke. 'Good thing you went into law enforcement and not comedy; your jokes suck.'

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XxX

A familiar van was waiting for me in the parking lot. And not only that, but two familiar people. Mello wasn't wrong about Hannah, and Matt was there, too. We hugged, did not say much. I did not ask Matt where A had gone or why he looked so tired. Why his goggles were gone and why he wasn't eating anything unhealthy today. He did not ask me why I had a small package of pills that I had to take sometime during our journey to the orphanage.

Hannah did most of the talking and it was so devoid of actual importance that there was a light ambience in the van, no one dared bringing anything dark up. No one even dared to mention L's name.

Which meant that I had no idea whether he was actually there or not. There was – of course – a fairly big chance that he had already a new case, and was stuck in Berlin or something. But I was I the orphanage, which seemed much closer to him. And if he would not come for me, I could stay here. It had already felt more like home than Japan before, so maybe it could become my actual home one day. Perhaps I should get an actual room then, instead of staying in Ryuzaki his rooms.

'I shall take your stuff,' Hannah offered with a weird look on her face as she parked the van. 'Mello, you'll have to go to Roger's office and hand in your paper again; he told me that "a better L" isn't a solid career choice, so you'll have to do that again. And Matt.' She turned around in the chair to look back at the boy behind her. 'You know what we talked about.'

He simply nodded. I just observed confused and slightly curious.

Hannah was so quickly up and gone that I had no time to ask her further questions. Mello practically ran after her, complaining that he did not want any future if he could not pursue a career as a or a better L. Only Matt stayed behind with me, hands deep in his pockets and his eyes tired, but kind.

'They are slowly breaking it down,' he said, staring at the house as if it were a stranger.

I frowned. 'What do you mean?' It did not look like the building was being broken down, so I did not think that was what he was talking about.

'The L-factor of the orphanage. They are breaking it down,' Matt elaborated. 'Roger has officially retired. He still lives here, for now, but Hannah is the new boss. And the is making changes. The orphanage is going to get a new name and the children will go to an ordinary school in the city. L is funding the project and helping with the adjustment. Soon enough, the orphanage will have more space, so that both geniuses and non-geniuses can find a home here.'

I looked at the building and suddenly I understood Matt his gaze. The orphanage was no longer his orphanage. No longer… 'Bye bye L-factory,' I said softly.

'Bye bye, successor competition,' Matt replied.

'What does Mello think about it?' I asked as we slowly started to walk toward the building.

'He was fairly pissed at first,' Matt explained. 'With Near gone, he was the main successor, so it really just pissed him off. But now— What is it?'

Matt only now noticed I had stopped walking, the frown back on my face. 'Near is still missing?'

Matt shrugged, started walking again. 'Yes and no. I assume L would be better at explaining, but let's just say that we know that he is in good hands, so L has decided to not take action. At least for now. I get it. If Near does not want to be found, searching will be kind of pointless.'

 _I assume L would be better at explaining_. I wasn't sure whether that meant that he was here, or that that meant that he was not. But since none of them had brought him up, he probably wasn't there.

'Oh my god! Olivia's back!' Alice shouted from the top of the stairs, running down with such urgency. The others came, even Kai. I suddenly was surrounded by orphans. I hadn't even realised I would be missed. Hadn't realised that I had meant anything at all to any of them.

There was a moment where my eyes met Matt's during our reunion, where I let my eyes wander to Alice to guide him. He looked back out me with a frown. I just pulled up my eyebrows, as if to say 'why not?'. He just shook his head and turned, headed back in without me as I stayed with the others and kept asking questions I could not answer. By the way they asked, though, it seemed like L wasn't here. They were asking questions Ryuzaki could easily answer. And Ryuzaki did not really have a reason to lie, or not to tell, did he?

Or was there something important I did not know, something so big and harrowing that Hannah, Matt and even Mello had avoided the subject? What could've happened that was possible so bad?

 _Beyond Birthday_.

He had been the only common thread in these kind of situations. What had happened? Where was he? Back in prison, I had assumed, but would everyone behave like this if everything had gone back to normal? What was normal in the first place?

Then Hannah came outside to shout at us from the top of the stairs. 'Boys! Girls! Inside right now! None of you have cleaned your rooms yet!'

The enthusiast noise calmed down and the children stopped jumping around me, slowly heading back in. More afraid of Hannah than curious about me. Not very surprising.

Alice stayed behind longer than usual, with a slight blush on her face. I couldn't help but smile. 'You became prettier, Alice,' I said in a friendly way, making a hand gesture towards the house, not sure she understood the secret meaning behind it.

She just stared at me. 'You did not become prettier, Olivia,' she said sternly. 'You look like you were in a hospital for a long time.'

Ah, yes. Young geniuses. How could I forget.

I gave her a forced smile. 'Don't be mean and go clean your room.'

She did.

And then I was alone in front of a house that was so familiar, but it suddenly felt like a complete stranger.

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XxX

Walking through the house and not seeing Near playing in any corner was odd. Walking down the stairs in a quiet house with no one asking questions was even more odd. The utter silence in the orphanage was one that I had not experienced before. It felt like something was about the happen, something big, and it made me unnecessarily nervous as I entered the familiar floor.

The bedroom was the same, though cleaned up a bit. I could smell my own scent there now, too, but L's was still there, present. A mix of two senses.

I let myself fall on the ned and closed my eyes, for just a millisecond. Ico had disappeared a few hours ago and had not returned, but I assumed she would return shortly. I suspected I was going to have to make a new friend. Though, how bad could that be? Perhaps having Ico would keep me from feeling lonely without Ryuzaki by my side.

The bedroom rood opened and then a loud thud followed. Hannah must've dropped something. Though she was unnecessarily quiet again.

Someone inhaled sharply. For some reason, I could tell it was not Hannah.

As I sat up straight, me and Ryuzaki locked eyes. It wasn't for long. My eyes drifted over his face, then his hands and then the book on the ground, the one he dropped.

And he just stared at me with a blank expression.

And then we were suddenly rushing towards each other.

Without a word we slammed into each other and studied the other. Checked for wounds or scars. I held his face and let the familiar texture of his skin calm me while he touched the blue strands in my hair, looking at me with something similar to wonder.

And then, suddenly, it slipped away. The face of wonder, as if someone poured darkness into his eyes. Ryuzaki's hands slipped away from my face as the window to his eyes fell shut. And I felt like if he truly closed it, he would not open it again.

I put my arms around him and pressed my face against his shirt, hiding the fact that I could see so much in his face. Not sad, not crying. I just pressed my face against his shirt to be close to him, smell his scent and feel his heartbeat and breathing under my ear.

It took Ryuzaki a few long minutes before he talked. 'Bey— BB is dead,' he said. And that was all the answer I needed. In those few words was enough confession, enough grief, enough loss. I just silently held him, not judging, not caring. As if we did not need words, as if we could live next to each other, loving one another without showing or speaking.

'He is dead, Allison,' he said again, more emphasis this time.

I caressed his cheek with the tips of my fingers. 'It's okay, it's all going to be okay.'

For once he did not correct me. And when I felt his tears under my fingertips, my heart cried along with him.

* * *

XxX

'You dyed your hair again.'

We were laying on the bed, Ryuzaki touching my hair again and me loosely holding the other hand, my thumb caressing the back of his hand.

'I did,' was my answer, bringing his hand closer to my face so I could see every detailed line. 'What about it?'

'I love it when you look like you,' he said, as if it was a logical thing to say. As if it was easy to understand for anyone.

For some reason, it seemed that way to me as well. 'Well, I can say the same for you, but honestly, you have always looked like you, so I have nothing to compare it to.'

A small smile on his lips. It was clear to me that meeting each other had been both good and bad. We both had new shadows hunting our everyday lives now, but those were _our_ shadows, our burden. And wasn't it a burden to share?

I pressed a kiss against his knuckles. I heard his breath stammer. 'It is no use, you know,' I said, a calm smile on my face.

'What is?' Ryuzaki asked, sounding only slightly worried.

What did he think I was going to say? I thought he would've guessed by now. 'Running. Fleeing. It's no use. Because one day, I won't come after you. And then you will regret it for as long as you live.' An arrogant argument, but the truth. There would come a day where I would decide that chasing after someone who keeps running too fast to manage is too much. So he better stop running before he realises no one is left in the race anymore. No one but him. 'So just stay by my side, okay?'

Ryuzaki stared at me, my face and let his hair fall from my face. Then he lifted it again to cup my cheek. The other hand he used to bring my hand to his mouth and kissed my knuckles like I'd kissed is. 'Alright,' he said, shyly, suddenly seeming like a kid again. A slight from appeared on his face then. 'But I still need to do my job,' he said, as if I would take issue with that.

I laughed softly, a more sincere sound now that the nerves were gone. 'Of course you do? Where would the world be without L?'

His hand was still cupping my cheek, but he avoided eye-contact when he said: 'And where would L be without you?'

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 **XxX**

 **One chapter and an epilogue left. Are we scared? I keep thinking something will be the last thing and then BOOM. Too much words and not enough time to wrap up. I could've made this chapter just longer, but I did not want to haste the ending, so I gave it a chapter to fully set. But, yeah, that will probably be a kind of shorter chapter, though I am not sure yet.**

 **Anyway, thank you so much for reading and see you next time!**

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 **XxX**

 **bored411: thank you so much, dear! And though those things haven't been completely resolved, I added a chapter so that I could explore the changes a bit more. I didn't want the ending to be too jarring. I'd rather Lord of the Rings it, if you know what I mean.**

 **donnaforgot: Thank you so much! I actually had my Death Note phase around fifteen, too xD. And waah, I wish I had actual success in real life, but perhaps one day ;D Thank you so, so much for reading and enjoying my story, you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that people are enjoying my stories!**

 **AuroraStargazers: Hello my sweet, dear, amazing, kind friendly friend. It** ** _is_** **coming to an end, yes, but we have one more chapter and an epilogue, so the "grand finale" will have more dept. And it's weird that she is actually going back to blue, despite a different way, because my mental imagine of her always has blue hair, so I felt like I should at least end with some variation of that (it is how the story started, so it felt fitting). And yes, that makes sense. In a way, Beyond is what Allison could have become under different circumstances. So yeah, in his story at least, they are quite similar. And I don't want it to end, either! I am actually happy that I could not get the completely planned storyline out in just one more chapter, because now I have one more week. And we have the epilogue, too, so the main story still has twee weeks of glory. And it's weird how long this story has been going on, it has been a big part of my life too! And you are one of the first people I met through this website who has become such an important friend to me. And thank you! I am better, but I do get sick A LOT, so it can never hurt I guess :D And really, whenever you thank me, I feel like crying because I want to thank you at least twice as much. Not only am I saying goodbye to these characters, I am saying goodbye to your reviews and that just makes me sad. Especially since I have not planned a new story yet, so maybe I'll be gone from for a while. Which does not mean that I cannot contact you, of course, so I hope to talk to you! Anyway, I thank YOU and give you all the warm and fluffy hugs in the world!**

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	65. Amazing Grace

**Well, I am an emotional wreck. And I can't believe that this is the last real chapter! I mean, I know there will be an epilogue, I have already made a rough version of what that is going to be like, but still. I am still so thankful for all the support and I hope you guys will stick with me until the end! Well then, let's do this!**

 ****DISCLAIMER I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

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 **XxX**

 **65\. Amazing Grace**

'Near, can you just clean up your toys once?' A asked annoyed, looking over at the boy at the computer.

'They are not just toys,' Near explained, not looking at her, 'they help me think. If I were to change the toys' position, my deductive reasoning would decree by at least… forty percent.'

A rolled her eyes. 'I really forget you're a child sometimes. Have you eaten anything today? I'll make some pancakes if you want some.'

'No, thank you.'

'Near,' A said sternly. 'You need to eat. You are already a skinny little boy as it is. I know I am not exactly your parent, but if you don't take care of yourself, I will be forced to do it for you.'

A pause. 'I would like some cereal, then, if you insist.'

Cereal. A winced. It didn't really hurt, she hadn't known Matt for that long. But there was this… connection between them. He would've been save. Because he was like her. And now, she had no one. No one except the little boy she was now taking care of. She found herself too young to be a parent, but perhaps this was the closest she would get to actually being one.

A was already on her way to their kitchen when she stopped, keeping her back to the boy as she asked: 'Did you do that on purpose?'

'Did you want me to?' Near shot back.

An odd question, but perhaps a necessary one. This was Near, a smart kid who could have succeeded L, but instead helped a treater steal and flee. And for what? What did he want to prove? What did he want to accomplish? He had been behind that computer ever since they bought it. It hadn't been smart of Ryuzaki to pay A before everything was said and done, but at least it was useful. The only problem was that he would've been able to trace it, so it took a while before they could let the money – and themselves – disappear. And the only thing that remained was surviving. L would capture Beyond Birthday, but A would have to run from him the rest of her life. She just knew that much.

'I don't know,' A answered Near after a long time before fleeing to the kitchen to make breakfast. Because she did not know. And, perhaps, she did not want to know what was actually going on in her head, or in the world outside for that matter.

* * *

XxX

It didn't take long before Ryuzaki fell asleep, his hand still in mine. He deserved the rest, but I found myself restless. Especially since Ico had come into the room a few minutes ago and was just staring at me awkwardly.

I sighed. 'Is this what it's going to be like from now on?'

Ico sighed, too, but less exasperated. Then she shrugged 'I suppose so. Though not really. Once I am certain you are in save hands, I'll just do my own thing until something is required of you. Strange as it is, I do realise that you humans want some level of privacy.'

I sighed again, relieved this time. Then I held up the hand I was holding a bit to show Ico. 'I am currently in very save hands, don't you think?'

Another shrug. 'Do _you_ think so? Almost all trouble you've been in is because of the man whose hand you are now holding. I wouldn't call that save hands. Would you?'

I stared at the ceiling for a while, thinking about her every word. L had brought me trouble, danger, yes, that was true. But I had also been in danger without him. Weren't we all in constant danger? Loving that that destroy you, isn't that the same as loving life? Loving _living_?

Self-destruction. Isn't every single action we take something that will take us a step closer to that destruction? You can run from it, you can be afraid of it, but doesn't that ruin the destruction its purpose? In the end, death comes for everyone. Even for the gods of death. Even for those who struck an impossible bargain.

'I get your point,' I said to Ico, still looking at the ceiling, 'but I wouldn't know the answer.'

* * *

XxX

It was after Ico already left that I decided that Ryuzaki should really get some sleep, so I carefully got out of the bed and left him in the room to rest. There were people I needed to see. Talk to. I needed to know exactly what happened when I wasn't here and who was scarred in which way.

I found Matt first. He was in the kitchen, one of the three places I could usually find him. He was sitting in a chair by the window and staring into the vague moonlight. You could see that the sun was already slowly coming up, painting the sky a unusual colour.

'You look tired,' I said softly, my voice not more than a whisper.

Matt gave me a vague smile, but kept his eyes on the window, to the outside world. 'I find sleep comes easier when one is truly exhausted.'

I frowned, suddenly afraid to come closer. I hadn't really taken time to get to know the new Matt, the… well, the more messed up one. I knew he was different, I had seen it even before I knew I had, but I hadn't taken the time or attention to truly look. And now that I was, I saw it. He had changed, as we all had, but he had changed in a direction that was seemingly dangerous. I could sort of guess what happened with A, not much, but the details. Imprisoned, tortured, he started to reach out to the only person that seemed available. And then it was A, a smart, intelligent woman with a pretty face. She certainly had not been better looking than Alice, but who knows. Maybe, if Alice had been there instead of A, she would have been the one to help him. And maybe she would be by his side, because she valued Matt much more than a person who'd only known him for a couple of weeks could.

'Why didn't you go with her?' I asked, knowing that he'd probably had that option.

Matt shrugged, but it was clear that the real answer wasn't something he could shrug off. 'It seemed impulsive and rather foolish to give up my life and all the people I cared about for a woman I barely knew.'

'Even though you loved her?' Despite it being my own choice of words, "love" did not seem correct. But "like" would've sounded too weak.

'Even though I _thought_ I loved her,' Matt corrected me, weakening my choice of words without any indication from me.

We watched in silence as the field outside became more and more visible in the upcoming light. 'Are you going to stay here?' I asked, looking at the grass, leaning against the kitchen counter with crossed arms.

'For as long as that seems fit,' Matt replied. Then, he turned around to look at me, his tired face was suddenly slightly brightened by a more sincere smile. 'Though I don't think anyone will ever succeed L now, after all that has happened.'

I sighed, but did agree with that notion. Ryuzaki had indirectly killed one of his possible successors. And it hurt him more than he cared to admit. I too thought that Ryuzaki would never allow it to happen again. The easily solution was to simply give up. 'So what does that mean for our future?' I asked Matt, sounding almost emotionless.

'That's the thing,' Matt said, 'now we at least _have_ a future. Who knows what is possible?' He shrugged. 'School, college, a job, dating, marriage. We can do all of that.' It was clear he was talking about the orphans now, not about him and me alone. 'And you can perhaps find a way to stay by his side in the way you both want to. No excuses in the form of new jobs or necessary assistance. Just stay by his side because you want to and because he wants you there, okay?'

As if it was an order. I sighed again. 'I will try to stay by his side as me and me only Matt,' I agreed, 'but you must promise me to not give up. And to go to sleep now, you look like you are about to faint.'

I got a wry smile in return. 'Perhaps I will go to sleep,' he said, closing his eyes. 'And you must go back to your future.'

He had said it sadly, like his existence was holding me back from whatever was in my future.

As if there was no way he was actually in it.

* * *

XxX

I kind of expected Ryuzaki awake when I arrived back into the room, but I hadn't expected him to be up and gone.

It could have been my moment to get some sleep, but I honestly did not think I needed it, so I went back into the corridor and looked for him. Which didn't take me long. He was just standing in his office, his face down in a book he was holding, facing one of his bookcases.

I leaned in the doorframe, just staring at him. He really looked fake sometimes, like a picture or something from a moving. Like something utterly untouchable. It was funny how messy his hair always was and how he still had bags under his eyes. I could – should, probably – try to make him live a bit healthier, but it kind of was part of who he was. It wasn't like he was gross or anything like that. He was… L. He never tried to change me and I would never try to change him. But perhaps, just like me, he changed without even knowing. Just by being with me. I hoped that was the case.

'Near has made his debut,' Ryuzaki said out of the blue before looking at me, which made me realise that he probably knew I had been standing there from the start.

'What do you mean?' I asked, a stupid smile on my face that I couldn't seem to erase.

Ryuzaki pointed at the computer on his desk and something about the motion made my smile fade. His face was as always unreadable, but his movements were much more telling. It wasn't anger or sadness per se, but it was… something. Something upsetting.

I practically ran to the screen, only to see an article and an e-mail from the FBI, stating that another major detective organisation has entered the market. The e-mail was about safety measures for L, regarding this detective. I took a look at the article, read the full mail until I found it. The letter. A big N in the same font L used.

Suddenly, Ryuzaki's reaction made sense. I did not feel sad. I did not feel angry. I just felt upset. About… something, I wasn't sure. Though I was mad that Near had not said anything to me. Never had, about nothing really. I tried sometimes, but he never really told me anything about him. Right now I was wondering whether I ever really knew the kid at all.

'Are you upset?' Ryuzaki asked me.

Upset. Again that word. Not sad. Not angry. Not mad. Just upset. And that seemed the best description, so I nodded. 'Hm,' I said in a way that made it sound like a "yes".

From the corner of my eye, while still looking at the screen, I saw Ryuzaki closing the book and reaching for my shoulder with one hand. A hand that dropped shortly after, without ever reaching me.

I looked up so suddenly that Ryuzaki actually looked somewhat startled. 'You don't have to do that, you know.'

He scratched the back of his neck with his free hand. 'Do what, exactly?'

Still feeling weird about the whole Near-thing, I stepped away from the computer and towards him, only to reach with my hand to touch his shoulder. 'See how easy it seemed to touch you? To reach out for you. Despite what you might be thinking or feeling when reaching out to me, it really is this simple.'

I removed my hand again, but was halfway pulling it back when Ryuzaki caught my hand in his. I stared at his face as he held my hand up in an awkward position, looking at it as if it were a mystery to solve. Then, very slowly, he brought my hand back to him, to his face, to press his cool lips against my knuckles.

I just stared at him in awe.

It took a whole while before Ryuzaki moved again, only to open the eyes he had closed without me even noticing. And he looked at me, as if he were calculating, my hand pressed against his cheek now. 'What?' he asked, a surprisingly short question for someone so well spoken.

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks and knew that he could see it. I saw the beginning of a frown forming on his face and he slowly let my hand drop, not realising what was wrong. Or what was right, I should say.

'You—' I started, but chocked on a nervous breath.

'Wat did I do?' he asked, the frown not more than a slight shadow on his face. For anyone else, he would have seemed normal. But I was something that I knew to recognise as worry.

'You drive me absolutely insane,' I told him, before using my other hand to grab his sweatshirt and pull him down, taking three seconds to look at his face only inches away from mine before I crossed the last bit of distance and kissed him.

Instead of taking the usual time to react, Ryuzaki was immediately with me, tangling his free hand up in my hair while lacing his fingers through mine with the other. Despite him being the one closest to the book cases, I felt myself being slammed into one of them moments later, some books tumbling to the ground.

This was the first time Ryuzaki was completely leading a kiss and I let him have control, because this was the first time he didn't just met my movements, but followed his own rhythm. Before I could even think, he had already kissed my mouth open and his hands were already dancing on their own, one still in my hair, the other one cupping my cheek as if I were something precious. And also like he wanted to crush my skull, but I didn't mind that much.

The book case was starting to hurt my back though, so I took some liberties with control and pushed him back a little, until I knew he was standing in front of his chair. I pushed him down easily and he broke away and looked slightly panicky, not used to sitting normally in a chair.

'You baby,' I said with a grin before sitting in his lap and bringing my mouth back to his, silencing every complain he might have had. Despite me not having that much experience, I felt like I was the hot older woman seducing a young, innocent school boy. Despite him being about as eager as I was, one of my hands was already under his sweatshirt before one of his hands travelled any lower than my shoulders.

The only problem was that we apparently had a curse on us, because once again, we were interrupted.

'Err, sorry, should I come back later?' Ico said from somewhere behind me.

Without even thinking, I snapped my head away. And Ryuzaki, who had not heard nor seen Ico in the room, frowned. He did not realise there was a Shinigami of course. And my reaction made some kind of reveal inevitable, whether it would be the truth or a lie.

But if I was planning on being with Ryuzaki for the rest of my life, what could use did lying have?

'I am sorry,' I said to Ryuzaki as I was standing up from the chair, him automatically sitting in his normal sitting posture once my removal allowed him to do so, 'we were interrupted by someone I have yet to introduce you to.'

Ryuzaki automatically brought his thumb to his lip and looked at me, more curious than worried. Well, despite my choice, I was really not feeling up to this right now. And was he putting his thumb against his mouth just to tease me?

I sighed and wiped some hair away from my face, possibly only making it worse. Then I turned to Ico and said: 'I am sorry, but can you become visible for Ryuzaki, too? This will be hard enough to explain without you being invisible.'

Ico looked at me with big innocent eyes, almost as if to say "do you think I can actually do that?". I sighed again. 'You aren't allowed, are you?'

She smiled innocently and shook her head.

'Well, damn,' was my response. Then I turned back to Ryuzaki. 'Well, before I came here…' Well, while I came here, but I wasn't going to explain that. 'Before I came here, I met this Shinigami called Ico. She informed me that the Shinigami King or whatever could use a human servant to protect the living ground from death notes. Seeing how I already am a creature who is pretty close to death despite being human, he thought I would be a great idea.'

I was reminded of Ryuzaki's amount of brain cells when he looked at me as if he could perfectly follow everything I was saying.

'Well, anyway, so he offered a deal to me. My maximum life span guaranteed in exchange for my services.' I started fidgeting with my hands. 'And I added some conditions of my own.'

Ryuzaki his face twitched, but no clear emotion I could distinguish lured on his face. Bummer.

'I had two more conditions,' I explained, holding up two fingers as if he needed the clarification. 'One was… that err… that Light would be able to move on from where he was. They did say that there was nothing for users of the Death Note, but I… I _wanted_ him to move on. So I asked if that was possible. And then he agreed to do that.'

I wasn't sure why I told him this one first. Probably because the other one sounded like too much, like too big of a love confession. I mean, I had confessed my love before, but words and actual deeds were two very different things.

Ryuzaki seemed to notice that I was hesitant, because he looked slightly less emotionless now, as if he was thinking about something very hard. 'And your other condition?' he asked me.

'You,' I said, then realising that that explained nothing at all and actually sounded stupid, so I cleared my throat and tried again. 'I mean, your lifespan. I asked for that to be maxed out despite you not doing the Shinigami King his work directly. I mean, if another Kira shows up, I am sure you will go after him or her, but—'

My words were cut off when Ryuzaki leaped out of the chair, grabbed my face and kissed me again, which made Ico talk once more: 'Well. I really do think I should come back later. It wasn't all that important, anyway. Good luck… or something, I don't know.'

Ryuzaki was already breaking away from me before I could even think of the proper response for Ico before she disappeared, but she was also already gone, so it didn't really matter. Ryuzaki was stroking my cheeks, looking at me as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't.

'Um,' I said, 'so can I gather from this that you are not mad about it?'

'Absolutely furious,' he replied, so seriously that it took me a while to get is.

'Was that… Are you actually using sarcasm right now?' I asked, my eyes narrowed.

He smiled vaguely and put some hair behind my ear. I already figured that he had made a complete mess of it earlier, but at least he was trying to fix it. 'I am unsure whether or not I should be angry, so for now I will say that it was probably a hard decision to make and show you some kind of support through physical comfort.'

It sounded like he got that from a book. 'Did you get that from a book?'

The smile widened, lightening up his face in a way some might find creepy, but I found very endearing. 'No,' he replied, resting his forehead against mine with a content sigh. 'I got that from Matsuda.'

* * *

XxX

Roger was leaving the orphanage.

It was a long time coming, really. He never liked children and because the orphanage would no longer be a L-factory, two directors weren't necessary. Hannah became the big boss around the orphanage, while Watari was actually the boss. Though I suspected Watari would continue being L his assistant until the day he died.

It wasn't quite the sad goodbye I had expected, but perhaps that was not strange. The children barely knew Roger. He didn't teach classes and he rarely came out of his office unless someone needed to be scolded. The only children Roger seemed to really know were Matt and Mello. And Ryuzaki, of course, but I did not think he counted as a child anymore.

I stayed in the shadows during the farewell and didn't interrupt as Roger walked out of the front door, leaving the orphanage behind. Probably not forever, him and Watari had seemed great friends. But as I was standing in a corner of the arrival hall, I felt like I would never see Roger ever again.

'I haven't had the time to say "thank you" yet,' Watari then suddenly said, standing next to me as if it was only natural.

'Well, I did not think it was needed,' I responded, crossing my arms. 'Why would you feel the need to thank me?'

'Because you stayed,' Watari responded, looking at Roger walking away instead of at me, as if to emphasize his words. 'Even when he was pushing you away, even when it was easier to just let him be and never see him again, you did not leave. You never gave up on Ryuzaki, not even once. And you admire him, love him for who and what he is, but make him a better person to. And since I see Ryuzaki as one of my sons, I do believe gratitude is in order.'

Almost all the children had left now. The only one remaining were Hannah and Ryuzaki, silently discussing something near the doorframe, and Matt, staring at the door as if Roger was still standing there. 'I don't think gratitude is in order at all,' I said, looking at Watari with a weak smile. 'Since I did it for myself more than for him. Perhaps he is smart enough to find a way to live without me.' A sigh. 'But I honestly have no clue how to live without him.'

As if on cue, Ryuzaki looked up from his conversation with Hannah to give me a brief glance, as if to check if I was still there.

Watari chuckled. 'And I think,' he mused softly, 'that you overstate his intelligence.'

My smile widened, if only for a moment. Then it sunk back down. 'What do you think Roger will do now that he does not have to take care of a bunch of children?' I asked.

Watari narrowed his eyes in a thinking look, but smiled softly. 'I think even he needs some time to figure that out. What I do know, is that I wish him the best of luck.'

'Hmm, yes. The best of luck,' I repeated. The best of luck for Roger. The best of luck for A. The best of luck for Light in wherever the next stage will take him. The best luck for Beyond Birthday, who just might be finally at peace. Best of luck to Near, a trapped boy finally freed before his cage could drive him mad. And best of luck to those who are still inside said cage.

I looked over at Matt, scanning the room for another boy I knew. He already left. He had been one of the first. Matt would be okay, I believed that. I had seen Alice and her determination, how she had clung to him at breakfast and lunch and dinner. Not to annoy him or to please herself, but because she wanted to fix him. And I believed that her desire might be strong enough to achieve the things she wanted to achieve. After all, it wasn't like Matt was going to be in love with A forever.

'I think I am going to go looking for someone,' I said to Watari, before pushing myself off the wall and heading for the staircase.

'I think you should try the library first,' Watari told me and when I looked at him surprised, he gave me a wink. I sometimes forgot in this orphanage of geniuses that the elder man was quite clever, too.

* * *

XxX

Mello was in the library, sitting in the window still and staring outside. Staring at Roger leaving. I smiled and shook my head. That boy truly never showed anyone that he gave a shit.

'Hi,' I said awkwardly, not coming closer than one of the tables near the window.

Mello actually took the time to look and acknowledge me, something a lot of the people around here did not do. 'What are you doing here?' he asked rudely.

I rolled my eyes. ' _Hello, Olivia, how are you doing? Awful weather today, isn't it? Well, at least the—_ '

'Stop it,' he interrupted me. 'You sound nothing like me.'

Well, at least that was true. 'Did R— L ever tell all of you? What happened with A… and with Beyond Birthday? Why he is… gone?'

'He told us enough,' Mello muttered stubbornly.

Translation: he hadn't told a thing.

I inched closer, only to sit on the table as close to Mello as I could. 'Your behaviour… I think it is foolish to think that it's just puberty. I think, Mello, that you have a problem.'

He looked at me truly angry now, his eyebrows so low that he looked kind of scary. Well, if a teenager could be scary.

'Jesus Christ, calm down, I am not attacking you,' I said, my defensive side being brought back up because of the way he behaved. 'I am just saying that… we had a Beyond before. I'd rather not have a Beyond again. You know what I am saying?'

'You're telling me I suck,' Mello responded.

'No, I never said that,' I said, truly confused. 'Is that what it is? Do you actually have no self-confidence? You cannot tell me that that was all.'

'Of course not!' he spat. 'But what else should I do? Near was going to succeed L, that was clear, so what else should I do to make a mark? Be Near's puppy? Or be his evil rival? I do think the second option was better.'

A pause. His answer truly surprised me. I did not think he truly believed Near was the only option there ever was. 'Are you sure is all that it is?' I asked him.

'What else would it be?!' he asked angrily.

I found myself laughing. Relieved. So relieved. 'You are actually quite amazing, Mello. I do not understand why I was ever worried about you.'

'Neither do I,' he snorted.

I laughed again and jumped off the table, only to put a hand on his shoulder. Which he, surprisingly, allowed. 'I hope you will find something in the near future that you really want to do, Mello,' I said, before giving him a kiss on his cheek and turning away.

I was already close to the exit when Mello suddenly shouted: 'HEY! Was that supposed to be a Near-joke?'

My laughter echoed through the corridor.

* * *

XxX

L had taken a well-deserved vacation. Which in his book meant about a week. But it was great. We talked about cases to take on, some he solved by just looking at the file, other the solved with the files and my help. Though he was still smarter than me, for the first time, we seemed equal in this line of work. And I would go to sleep somewhere late at night and he would stay in his room, only to enter the bedroom while I was asleep and holding my hand as he worked beside me on the bed.

It was not great all the time. Ico came in here and there to inform me of where the current Death Notes were, but those updates usually meant that they were even better secured than before. A and Near definitely meant business and "N" was already rising to the top as one of the great detectives.

The worst times were when Ryuzaki let what had happened to Beyond Birthday get to him too much. He would just silently sit and stare at nothing, but it looked sad even when he hid it so well. And it made me sad because there was nothing I could do.

And then there were my hallucinations. Though Ryuzaki usually fought them off, sometimes, I would freak out. And he would slap me and he wouldn't think twice about it. But he would get this look in his eyes and for some reason, I knew he blamed himself.

The hallucinations had changed since my little visit to the Shinigami Realm, sadly enough. The monsters became more vivid and Kira was more prominent. Not Light, but Kira. And I kept wondering if, somewhere, Light was looking at me. Was he happy where he was? Sad? I wasn't even sure what came after life, so how would I know?

It was one of our final evenings in the orphanage before leaving for our next case when I had a nightmare about Light. Light and Kira. One was strangling me the other was begging for help, for salvation and forgiveness. And when I could find neither, they both attacked me. And then went after Ryuzaki, forcing my half-dead body to watch him suffer and bleed.

For some reason, Ryuzaki had decided not to hit me this time. Instead, he shook me a bit until I opened my eyes and pulled me into his arms. I was confused as to why his method changed, but then I felt him shaking. We both needed it. Ryuzaki, the man who had never craved or fancied closeness, was hugging me because he needed it. And maybe that was why we would do whatever we could to stay together now. Because we were marked in a way that others were not and we were each other salvation. A salvation Light Yagami never found. Someone like him in mind and spirited to help and guide him, make him a better human. Light had always been lonely in his own head, in his own heart.

'What are you thinking about?' Ryuzaki whispered after a long silence that felt short.

'Light,' I answered honestly.

'Do you dream about him more often?' Ryuzaki guessed, seemingly better already. Despite not shaking anymore, he still kept me in his arms. Not necessarily because it was needed, but because he wanted to.

I bit back an unwanted smile. 'I have nightmares,' I admitted, even though he already knew, 'and the hallucinations have become worse.' A sad smile now. 'In the end, I think my life is just supposed to be messed up.'

Ryuzaki shoved me back a little, but only to look me in the eyes. And to press a kiss on my forehead. 'I think your life was always supposed to be intermingled with mine, despite my beliefs against such things as fate.'

'Well,' I mused, 'if Shinigami exists, then who knows? Fate does not seem like that much of a stretch.'

'Do you have an medications?'

'Oh. Yes. I should probably get some new ones soon.'

Ryuzaki pulled be in his arms again, resting his hand on mine as my head laid against his chest. 'I will take you to a doctor tomorrow.'

'Hmm,' I hummed in agreement. Then: 'Wait, aren't we leaving tomorrow?'

'I said I will take you to a doctor tomorrow,' Ryuzaki insisted.

'Okay, okay.' A pause. 'Are you going to see a doctor?'

A sigh. 'I don't think that's something that could help me.'

'Oh,' I said, not further insisting. But I found myself smiling when I said: 'Well, for what it's worth, I can hit you anytime, if it's needed.'

A soft chuckle made his chest shake. 'I'll keep it in mind.'

I was not laying on my pillow right now, so I reached back with one hand and grabbed it, hoping that Ryuzaki would not be able to see my actions in the dark. I slowly lifted the pillow and…

BAM!

The pillow hit Ryuzaki full in his face and it surprised him so much that he actually let me go to shelter his face from any further attack that wasn't coming. 'What was that for?' he asked after he'd calmed down, looking confused at me in the darkness.

'REVENGE!' I shouted, forcing an evil laugh. 'I swore I would strike back and I have fulfilled my o— OOF!'

I got a pillow in my face, too. 'Hey! You are not allowed to ruin my revenge!' I snorted. In the darkness, I saw Ryuzaki grinning an evil grin at me. 'Don't you dare!' I warned him, but then he was suddenly on top of me and he was softly slapping my cheeks left and right.

I was kicking and pushing against his chest, but he wouldn't move. And then he laughed. An actual laugh. And I found myself laughing, too, harder than I had in ages.

We had changed. We were messed up and awful and crazy. We were different and mad and wonderful. We had been pushed and kicked so much that we broke, but we were here, slapping and hitting each other. Not to break each other more, but to glue each other back together. And we would be together. Not only was I never going to let Ryuzaki leave my side. I knew he would never want to leave me anymore, either. Like our past were marked in nightmares and trauma's, our futures would be linked in laughs and shared happiness. And we would work and fight and break all over again. But we would love and smile and laugh. And maybe, maybe that was enough.

Maybe all we needed, was that slap in the darkness, or the pillow in the face.

Because, after all, we were mad enough to need it.

* * *

 **XxX**

 **I… I don't know what to say. I am so emotional and sad and I really don't want to end this, but it is the ending I had planned for so long, so here it is. Well, except for the epilogue, which I will write once I am okay enough to put an official end to this. Also, isn't it fitting that the last official chapter is the longest? It really is way longer than I expected. But, well, maybe I was being extra long and wordy because I did not want to end it yet.**

 **And I have already thought about some extra chapter ideas, so expect some of those in the next few weeks/months. Though, again, I must warn you guys that this story will be "Completed" once the epilogue is up, but the extra chapters will come after, just like my previous story.**

 **Anyway, I am going to stop now, because I am tired and emotional and I need to cry. Thank you all so much for reading, I hope you will stay with me and this story until the very, very end. Even if you don't want to read the extra chapters (which is fine, they are completely optional), I swear the epilogue I planned is a lot of fun, so please stick around for that!**

 **Once again, thank you all so, so much for reading, you guys mean the world to me.**

 **Until next time!**

* * *

 **-XXX-**

 **Sofia (MoonStone2115)**


	66. Epilogue

**Well, I think my long ramble section will come after the chapter. I know I usually do both a rambling before and after, but this time it's going to be a LONG one, so perhaps dumbing it all in one go is easier to ignore. Anyway, I will end this chapter with my thanks and plans for the future etc, even though it's not the last chapter that will be posted, it** ** _is_** **the last official chapter and just as with my previous story, I think not everyone will stick around for that, so that's why I want to close this off now.**

 **Shit, it got long again. This part was meant to be short!**

 ****DISCLAIMER I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I only own my original storylines and characters. Also, I make typos. And I am often too lazy to correct them, so if you hate reading stories with typos, you've been warned.**

* * *

 **\- Epilogue -**

She was running through headquarters with maximum speed, her bag flying all around her as she made no attempt to keep it at her side where it belonged. Their headquarters wasn't quite as big as some others, mostly to keep it secret. But the boy always had a habit of hiding on the most far off places in the building.

'NEAR!' she shouted as she finally entered the screening room, most of the screens dark, some completely invisible because of the wall of toys and playing cards. She had tried to talk him out of the toys once he became much too old for them, but he kept insisting that his deductive reason would decree. Not that she didn't wish that upon him every night. Partner or not, the boy had only gotten consistently more annoying as he grew up.

He was sitting on the ground again, looking through files of what she assumed were ne possible cases. 'What is it?' he asked without looking up.

She stormed towards him, only to halt when he but his hand up, warning her not too come any closer. 'I got a text from Kai not too long ago. He said that you were on the phone with the European headquarters. Did you seriously finish the case without me?'

'Do you even need to ask?' Near replied stubbornly, his white hair only still so neat and well cut because she wanted to keep it that way. She did not want him to turn into too much of a L-copy. And that hadn't happened. Ever since they eloped and he debuted as detective "N", he had slowly begun to change. He became more stubborn, even sneakier and – just a bit – wiser. Some of those things were mostly because of her. And "N" had soon become their project. And with A and Near together as one detective, they quickly rose to the list. Not quite number one in the world, but—

'Was that all?' Near asked when A did not say anything.

'You stupid little—'

'I am actually taller than you are.'

'Will you stop pointing that out!' she shouted, ending their arguing effectively. The silence was followed by a sigh. 'Listen, Near, I never finish cases without you, do I? We are both N. So stop being stubborn. You could've just waited a few minutes before I got home.'

'And then you would have complained that they did not pay us enough and ordered more money in exchange for our answers,' Near said, still not looking at her.

'Well, yeah,' she admitted. 'Of course. It's give and take in this word.'

'We have enough money enough as it is,' Near said, finally standing, towering over her. His dark eyes still hid so much from the world, from her. Sometimes she just wanted to rip him open to see the secrets that hid in that head, in those eyes. She would do it, too, if she thought that would work. She knew it did not.

'Were they surprised? I assume they did not like the fact that their boss was actually the culprit,' she said, giving up on changing Near. She had done it while he was growing up, but now that he was an adult, she find herself unable to do little else than her job and her own life.

'Truth is never really a comfort,' was Near his response. When he saw how she was looking at him, he added: 'Which means that yes, some were surprised.'

She nodded, thankful for the less preachy answer. Though he was right. Truth was never a comfort. She thought about Light Yagami, about his father, about Beyond Birthday. A boy she herself had known and a young man she had feared. Yes, there had been no news of any new death notes on earth, but that never meant that a mistake would never be made again. And who would be there then to protect people from the impact of the truth?

Maybe Near. Maybe even A herself. Though she had find that truth had never been her strongest suit.

'Hey, Near,' she said with a smile that was only partly faked. 'Do you want to get some ice cream with me, to celebrate another closed case?'

Near narrowed his eyes, as if to say "what is she planning?" but then his face relaxed and he shrugged. 'Fine. But I am not changing before leaving.'

She rolled her eyes. 'But you are wearing a pyjama!' she said dramatically.

'I am not,' Near countered.

'Fine, but it sure looks like it.'

'And you have something stuck between your two front teeth,' Near shot back at the same speed. In arguing they were quite well matched.

'What?' she shouted. 'Why didn't you tell me sooner?'

Near laughed and patted her on the head. 'Because appearance does not matter to me.' He patted once more before turning around and walking past her, to the exit. 'Are you coming?'

She brought her hand to her head, suddenly feeling hot. No, it must be the temperature. She was way too old to be attracted to Near in any kind of way. 'Yes, I am coming,' she sputtered before running after him, nervously trying to find a way to continue being "N" with Near without it becoming A & Near in her heart.

* * *

XxX

'OH MY GOD THEY DID IT!' I shouted through the hotel room.

'They did what?' Ryuzaki replied with his mouth full, a plate full of donuts in front of him. I had managed to convince him to eat a normal meal once a day, but much further than that had been impossible. I learned to just accept it and move on at some point.

I rushed over to Ryuzaki his chair with my laptop in my hand. 'Detective N is now officially the second best detective in the world! I just got the charts from Steve from the FBI.'

'You get way too much from Steve from the FBI,' Ryuzaki muttered, but his hands reached for my laptop to look at the charts. And there, above Coil and Deneuve, he saw N. Now the two detectives in the world were both hiding behind a letter. L and N. So far away and yet so close.

'Hmmm,' was what Ryuzaki said after a short silence.

'What? Aren't you happy? You have been at it for years! You can pretend that you are a sore loser, but I know you are secretly proud of them,' I said, taking my laptop away from him. Ever since that one case a few years ago, L and N had stayed in contact. It had taken time, but it was clear that this case could not be solved by L or N alone. They had needed each other. And the fact that we had a loyal Shinigami at our side and two people who were immune for Death Notes had also been a plus, though we had not told Near or A about that last part.

Ryuzaki clearly did not feel like responding, which was ridiculous, because we were actually on holiday, but I decided not to push him. If he did not want to admit that he was proud, then I would not push. But I _would_ celebrate, because, honestly, every excuse to celebrate was an excuse I was going to use.

I straightened and closed my laptop before putting it on the table. 'Well, okay, _I_ am proud and I am going to get some great cake to celebrate. You stay here and look for your next case and watch the little one!' I was already heading to the door before Ryuzaki could protest. I learned over the years never to give him time to protest at all.

* * *

XxX

Ever since the Beyond Birthday case was over and done with, we had come back to Japan every year around Sanami her birthday. Which was December 8th, so visiting Matsuda on his birthday December the 14th had become a habit, too.

The cold winter always filled me with the weird sense that I was home, despite the fact that I found my home long ago. And I had not left it since that day I decided to chase it forever. As I walked through the streets I realised that Japan, too, had been my home. Just like my home had been with criminals. Just how I was always at home as long as I had those two by my side.

'Hello! What can I do for you today?' the girl behind the counter asked when I entered the nearest cake shop. Ryuzaki always made sure that wherever we were staying, there was a great bakery close by. And though he mostly bought donuts and cupcakes here, their muffins were truly delicious.

'Yes, can I get the chocolate cake and the strawberry vanilla cake, please?' I asked, easily switching back to Japanese.

'Yes! Coming right up!' the girl said as she started taking the cakes out. As I was watching her, a felt a tug at my coat.

'Kou! Don't do that!' a woman said, coming up from behind me, looking down at something near me. Which made me look down, too.

A little boy with innocent eyes and a perfect, cute face was staring up at me, slightly frowning. Though he was young, probably not even ten yet, I immediately recognised those eyes. And the hair. And the look that looked just a tiny bit bored.

I was kneeling down before I could help myself, amazed at what I saw. 'Hello there,' I said softly, smiling at the familiar face. 'What is your name?'

The boy glared at me, then quickly shuffled away and hid behind his mother's legs. The mother smiled apologetically at me. 'I'm sorry. My son is very smart, but just not really good with people.'

My smile widened. 'Well, it's better to be upfront about that then pretending you are something that you're not, right?' I replied, only looking at the child. I could be mistaken, but it seemed almost impossible. I could not be mistaken. I knew that child. Or I had known that child before, from a whole different life.

My attention was snapped away when the girl behind the counter said: 'Was that all for you?'

I straightened and turned back to her and found myself nodding. 'Yes, that would be all. Thank you.'

I paid and the mother started her order as I turned to leave. But then I found myself turning back, to the young boy. The familiar boy. He looked at me with the same bored and yet kind of angry eyes, as if he hated me for talking to his mom.

I smiled again and came a bit closer, leaned down to look him straight in the eye. 'You remind me of someone did you know? He was smart and cool and handsome, but he went wrong somewhere. I sincerely hope that you will never take a wrong turn. And please, remember that you alone cannot change the world.'

* * *

XxX

When I got back, Ryuzaki had switched from donuts to ice cream. I rolled my eyes and went over to the kitchen to put the cakes away. He was not eating that right after donuts _and_ ice cream.

'Is he still asleep?!' I yelled from the kitchen.

'Yes!' Ryuzaki shouted back.

I nodded to myself, thought about telling Ryuzaki what I saw today. And then decided against it. Not because I was wrong, though I very well could be. But because some things should remain unsaid. Some things, like what comes after we die, are better left a mystery. A case that never closes.

I walked back into the main room and walked over to Ryuzaki, just to hug him from behind and give him a kiss on his cheek. He had the habit of turning his head as I leant in, which brought his mouth to mine. Since his mouth was full of ice cream now, he did not do that. But my lips were cold from the winter weather outside and when I kissed his cheek, he shivered.

I grinned. 'Service you right for beating me at Cluedo yesterday.'

He rolled his eyes, ready to start the fight. 'I always tell you to stop guessing so early. What has happened to your cautiousness and your constant believe that you are wrong? And by the way, it's not like I won, either.'

'But you did not lose! We should at least kind of switch in who dies first. He will think I am a bad detective if we don't!' I countered.

A smug smile played on Ryuzaki's lips. 'Aren't you?'

'Oh. You are going down!' I said, shooting after him. The chair fell over almost immediately, but we managed to avoid the table with the food on it. We both weren't necessarily skilled fighters, but we trained with each other to build up some sort of self-defence, so we knew each other's weaknesses well. It only took a few seconds before he got me pinned on my back in a deadly grip.

'Is that all you got?' he asked me smugly. 'I have seen Mello do better in his weird television shows.'

'Well,' I replied, 'I have seen Matt fight better in the classroom.' I grabbed his hair and gave it a good yank and as soon as his grip on me loosened, I turned around are positions, so that I was hovering above him. 'Also,' I added, my hair falling into his face, 'it's called a Netflix show. Mello is in a Netflix show. Get your facts straight, detective.'

'Maybe I'll do a little fact check right now,' he mused, after which he tangled his free hand (I was holding the other down) in my hair and pulled my face towards him for a kiss.

Our kisses, these days, however, never lasted that long. That had nothing to do with us, though.

In the kitchen, the sound of something falling broke our mood immediately. We both always had the same thoughts. Did this mean danger? Who had come after us? Or was it just a stupid accident?

I pulled myself up. 'I'll check it out,' I said as I helped Ryuzaki up. He did not disagree and actually went to put the chair back up as I walked towards the kitchen.

What I found was an accident. The fruit bowl that had been on the counter had been smashed on the ground and the guilty party was now sitting on said counting with his knees pulled up, his face a cute mask in an attempt to soften my anger. He was still wearing his pyjama's, a white shirt with a rocket ship and pyjama bottoms that were a dark blue with white stars. He loved the stars so much.

I just sighed and shook my head. 'What are you doing?' I asked the young bow while crossing my arms.

'Hungry,' he said cutely. 'I want some cookies.'

I walked closer to him and he looked down at the mess he made. 'And instead of asking you snuck out of bed and climbed to counter to steal it?' I asked, sounding slightly more angry now. Behind me I heard Ryuzaki entering the kitchen as well.

He saw the damage and sighed, too. 'The cookies?' he guessed.

'The cookies,' I confirmed.

'But I am hungry!' the boy complained.

I walked just a tiny bit closer so that I could pat his hair. His dark, messy hair, wild and untameable. He was always putting his hands in it. 'Sweetheart, then you can just come to me. Never, ever go behind me back to get something, alright? It's not good. It's stealing. And that would make you a thief. And you know that your father locks thieves up, right?'

Finally, my own eyes looked up at me. 'But—but father won't ever lock me up, right?' he asked me innocently, a hint of panic in his voice.

'Hmm, well, I don't know,' I said, turning around to look at his father. 'Would you, father?'

'Well,' Ryuzaki said, stepping forward, putting his hands in the pocket of his jeans. 'If he breaks a law, I think I will have to. Then I would have to send you to prison. With bars and bad food and mean people—'

 _Now_ the boy was in a real state of panic. Gripping his hair with his tiny, pale hands, he started shouting. 'NO! I don't want mean people! Mom says that I should avoid mean people!'

'Well then,' Ryuzaki said slowly, picking up an apple that had rolled a bit further away from the counter. He studied it for a while, as if that was the guilty party. 'Do you promise to never break a law?'

The boy nodded aggressively.

Ryuzaki handed his son the apple. 'Then you can have this. Sweets are not good for your health.'

Both mother and son turned and pointed at the father. 'Hypocrite!' we both shouted, though the boy was not really old enough to use those kind of words yet. That happened when your parents talked to each other like two nerds with a dictionary.

Ryuzaki just smiled and ruffled my hair before turning and leaving, walking just a tiny bit straight these recent years. I had pressured him into being a better role model. Though I should never have worried. In wise life lessons, Ryuzaki was an excellent role model.

Just as he had ruffled mine, I ruffled the boy's hair with a smile on my face. I should probably have to lift him of the counter, because he was barefoot and I did not want him to get any cuts or shards in his feet.

The boy snapped his head away. 'Stop touching my hair, mom!'

That made me laugh and I tried to smoothen down the wild hair, something he detested even more.

'MOM!' he shouted in protest.

'I love you,' I replied to him suddenly, reaching out my hands.

The boy looked up at me, surprised, but not confused. I made sure I let him know how much I loved him. Because I had so many parental figures and I only believed Sanami truly loved me when it was too late. Then he finally reached with his hands and I grabbed him, hugging him and lifting him of the counter. I would clean that mess up after getting him out of the kitchen.

'I love you, too, momma,' he whispered as I carried him out of the kitchen.

Ryuzaki was standing there, with a broom in his hand. He had probably planned on giving it to me, but when he saw our son in my arms, his expression soften and he seemed to make the decision to clean it up himself. But not before leaning in to kiss my and our son on the cheek. Only when he leaned in to kiss mine, I turned my head slightly so our lips touched.

'Gotya,' I whispered and he grinned.

'Love you both,' he replied casually, the words coming so much easier now, despite having been so impossible to say for so long. Loving for L had been impossible for so long, in so many ways. But by accepting me in his life, he accepted the fact that he, too, could love. That he, too, needed to love. That despite whatever it was he thought before, he was human.

Not a monster.

But utterly human.

* * *

XxX

'Pass me the chips!'

'Matt! The movie has not even started yet! Can you knock it off with the snacks?'

'It's Netflix! Of course the movie has not started! It will start when you press that button right the—'

'Don't you there press it! We aren't complete yet!'

'Alice! Matt! Knock it off! You'll wake him up!' Mello shouted across the room at the fighting couple on the couch.

'You are way louder!' they shouted right back.

'Guys, guys, guys,' I said, walked into the living room to grab the remote from Alice's hands before something went terribly wrong. 'Quiet and peace, remember? I won't hesitate to kick you out of my house if you don't do as I say.'

'Your house?' Mello snorted. 'This isn't even a house. It's a fucking orphanage.'

'Language!' Hannah said from her big chair in the corner.

'My language is English, thank you for asking,' he bit back to her, 'but as I was saying. This is an orphanage. You can't just call the shots here because we are in L's quarters.'

'Technically,' Ryuzaki said as he walked in, easily putting his arm around my waist, 'as I am the owner of this building, she is, too. Which makes her the owner. Which makes this her house. And yes, this is a house, Mello.'

Mello pressed his lips together and muttered something angrily to himself.

I smiled up at Ryuzaki. 'All the children in bed?'

He nodded. 'Watari is keeping an eye on them. I tried to tell him he could take an evening off, but he assured me he rather not watch this movie with us.'

'Is it because Mello shows his butt?!' Alice shouted.

'Don't wake him up!' Matt reminded Alice as Mello shouted: 'What?! I DON'T!'

I rolled my eyes. 'I think it's the type of film, Alice, not Mello his butt. I think he has seen that one before, in… What was that movie called again? Nightlife?'

'Night _light,_ ' Matt corrected me while Mello muttered: 'As if I would ever show my butt to anyone ever.'

'Well, this sure is an enlightening conversation,' Near said lazily from his spot on the floor. His quiet presence the only calm thing in the room. 'Are we actually going to watch this movie or should I call A that I am leaving early?'

'You will do no such thing!' I insisted angrily as Ryuzaki said: 'Or you can just call her over.'

'NO!' shouted Mello and Alice at the same time.

I rolled my eyes again. 'Jesus, okay. We will just watch this movie, then. But no shouting. If he wakes up I will never get him to sleep until he has seen this movie with us.'

'Which he can't,' Alice said, 'because Mello shows his butt.'

'HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU I FUCKING DON'T!' Mello shouted.

'Language!' Hannah shouted.

'No shouting!' I shouted.

'I will put him in a room upstairs,' Ryuzaki said with a sigh.

Matt sighed as soon as Ryuzaki had left the room. 'See here. Ryuzaki has finally lost all faith in us.'

'Why do we still call him Ryuzaki, though?' Alice asked. 'We all know his name is L.'

'Why are you so fucking stupid?' Mello asked.

'Watch your fucking language, Mello,' Hannah swore.

'I swear a lot more in the movie,' he assured her before turning back to Alice. 'We call him Ryuzaki because that is the name he carried when he met _her_.' He nodded in my general direction.

I blushed as all the eyes in the room darted to me. Even Near's, we seemed particularly uninterested in the conversation.

'Well, I don't see it,' Alice said after observing me for a good few minutes.

Mello laughed and Matt just looked at her with a frown.

'But I do.'

Ryuzaki came walking back into the room. Instead of just putting his arm around my waist, this time, he grabbed my hand and gave me one of his rare smiled, the one where his whole face lit up. 'I have always been able to see it.' He leaned in as if he might kiss me.

'If you are going to kiss,' Mello said, 'I am going to puke.'

'What?' Alice said, disappointed that the moment was ruined. 'They can't kiss, but you can show your butt?'

'HOW OFTEN DO I HAVE TO—I DON'T ACTUALLY SHOWED MY BUTT, ALICE, OKAY?'

'How romantic,' Matt said and I wasn't sure if he was serious and he was talking about me and Ryuzaki, or if he was being sarcastic and it was about Alice and Mello.

Ryuzaki seemed to think the former as he lifted my hand to press his lips against my knuckles. 'Very romantic.'

My blush deepened.

'Alright,' Near said, 'I am going.'

'You are not!' I said, snapping my hand away from Ryuzaki's. 'I'm pressing play right now!'

'How about sitting down first?' Hannah suggested.

'Good point.'

'God,' Matt said, 'we are a freaking mess.'

I sat between Mello and Alice, with Ryuzaki putting himself between Mello and me. 'I know, right?' I said to Matt, giving him a meaningful glance. We _were_ a mess. But at least we were together. As if Ryuzaki read my thoughts, his fingers slid over the ring on my hand and then between my fingers, waving our fingers and lives together. I couldn't help but smile. 'I am pressing play now.'

'Pass me the chips.'

'Seriously, Matt, I will fucking—'

'Language!'

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 **XxX**

 **A/N**

 **I AM NOT CRYING YOU ARE CRYING!**

 **Anyway *takes a deep breath* thank you guys all so much for sticking with me through this story. The epilogue was short, I know, but there wasn't much that I felt like I needed to say. I actually let the child's name out, too, because I couldn't choose. I felt like I needed to live through the whole part of that story to truly figure out what his name should be and who knows, maybe I will one day.**

 **But, yeah, here we are! I don't know how to express in words how much you guys mean to me. I have had – to be frank – a quite awful year and this story, despite not updating often because of stupid struggles or illness or school, really helped me find good things in life again. There were so many moments where I thought about quitting and you guys always pulled me back. Whether it was a review or a simple follow. Whether it was for a chapter or through the whole story; thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and to actually care how it was going to go. I hope the ending did not disappoint you and I hope the epilogue was somewhat happy.**

 **A funny thing is, I never really got mean reviews. Even the ones that were negative were giving me great advice and good directions. The first just randomly mean one, I got for the previous chapter! And it was actually funny how I just scrolled through my reviews after reading it and how my worries and insecurities washed away. I don't have to be liked by everyone and my stories don't have to be liked by anyone. As long as I have you guys, I don't need anyone else. So thank you, thank you, thank you and I hope you enjoyed the ending of "Not a Piece of Cake"!**

 **Well and now onto the next subject. Special extra chapter. I have a few planned out, but one I want to know your opinion about. I have an idea for a new Death Note-like case, that will bring L and N together (as heard in the epilogue). I am, however, quite busy and definitely will not be able to update every week and it probably won't be as long as this story, but would you guys like me to make a spin-off with that story? Because there are special chapter ideas that I wouldn't write if that was the case, just because I would want to put them in the story. So that was a thing I wanted to ask, I would LOVE to hear your opinions on it. A few special extra chapters, or just an entire spin-off story?**

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 **XxX**

 **REVIEW REPLIES (oh boy it's a long one. AuroraStargazers, you are the one at the end because my reply got kind of long xD)**

 **LadyHawke361: I totally agree with you! Even if the bad guy did not win in the end, L as a price was too high for me. I really do think that the artists made a mistake to kill him off. And thank you so much for reading and liking my story, I am glad you stayed until the end!**

 **EmeraldHeart1203: Naww, thank you so much! And especially since you came to the party so early, I thank you so much for staying until the end! And Near launched his carrier as a fellow detective in chapter 65, with the name N, just as Ryuzaki's detective name is L. Hope that cleared it up a bit for you! Anyway, thank you once more and fixing my up when I am down, really, every single review made my heart sing.**

 **Darcy18: HAHAHA, right? That is just the best mental picture I will ever have xD Thank you so much!**

 **bored411: Sorry there is not so much Mello and Matt in this epilogue! It was mostly because it started with Olivia, I wanted to end it with Olivia. I originally did not even have that part with A and Near there. Haha oops. Well, anyway, thank you so much for sticking around and reviewing!**

 **amirah1991: Thank you! I tried so hard to keep L as close to his nature as possible, but boy, that was a struggle! And HAHAHA I wish I had an Oscar. That's like one of the main things on my bucket list. AND OMFG AND JESUS ON A BICICLE OF COURSE YOU CAN SEND IT TO ME! THAT IS AWESOME! I will send you a private message about it right after posting his chapter!**

 **donnaforgot: Thank you! I think a lot of us are going through hard times and the only thing I can say is be strong, you'll get through it! You are wonderful and just one review can help me so much and make me so happy, so thank you again, really, I am more thankful than I can ever express in words. Thank you and stay strong you are awesome!**

 **AuroraStargazers: Every single time someone compliments my story, I feel awkward. And every time I try to have a conversation with someone, whether online or in real life, I feel awkward. With you, my friend, I never felt awkward. One of the biggest reasons I did not want this story to end is because I like our conversations so much. I can't think of this story without thinking of the friend I have made. Just how you can get excited over an update, I get excited over a PM or a review. And thank you so much for actually regarding my work as something worthy and great, I honestly don't know how to respond to such high praise well enough. I made so many twist and turns and wrote so many things that made me nervous, but it was always like you were there to tell me that I shouldn't worry, that I did great and everything will be good. You supported me in a way that I did not think was possible. And I seriously was crying halfway through reading this review and now I am crying again what is this, Sofia, pull yourself together. But, I will say this. Without** ** _you_** **, Aura, I probably would never have finished this story. There would've been a point where I was too tired and too unsure and I would have just taken the whole thing down. But you were there and even if you had been my one and only reader, you would have been enough. I could always keep going if I reminded myself of that fact. I made a friend and that was enough. Thank you so much for everything! xxx- Sofia**

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 **XxX**


	67. SEQUEL ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A CHAPTER

**XxX**

* * *

 **THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER, THIS IS AN ANNOUNCEMENT. THOUGH, IF YOU WERE HOPING FOR A NEW CHAPTER, PLEASE KEEP READING.**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **I have been gone for a long time, I know.**

 **But I am back to say that... I HAVE DECIDED TO DO A SEQUEL!**

 **Yes, after the story I just couldn't find the heart to quit and I had so many ideas for a new story.**

 **I have a whole bunch of disclaimers about this new story, but it's already up and I've put it all there.**

 **It is simply called "Not a Piece of Cake 2" for now, but maybe I will think of something more original.**

 **I will take this announcement to reply to some reviews from the epilogue (not all, because some don't really need it. So those, I would like to say: Thank you for your kind words, you have no clue how much it means to me) and I hope you guys will be coming with me on this journey!**

 **Thank you and good night!**

 **-Sofia aka MoonStone**

 **XxX**

* * *

 **REVIEW REPLIES**

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 **EmeraldHeart1203: I felt like replying to you was a must xD. It's really weird how one's username and the person behind it becomes so familiar despite not personally knowing that person. And yes, in my house, they are always cutting onions, too ;D. And I have no clue how to thank you in a way that could describe how much I loved to read your reviews and reply to them. And not only a spin-off, an actual sequel! I hope you are happy with that, because I definitely am happy that I get to spend more time with these characters. As for more Death Note fanfiction after this sequel is over? I am not sure. I think it would be hard for me to write a Death Note related story without my current version of the characters and my current OC's, so I don't think I will be able to. It was the same with my Kuroshitsuji fic. You just come to a point where you cannot get back to zero. At least, that was how I experienced it.**

 **Anyway, I am going on for WAY too long. Thank you so much for staying until the very ed and reviewing and giving me compliments I do not know how to respond to. I think I will forever remember your username and I hope to hear more from you in the future!**

 **Hugs and kisses,**

 **\- Sofia**

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 **MichaelisHearts: Wah. I... I have no words. I felt like this was one of the biggest compliments someone has ever given to me and I do not know how to respond to it. And I am actually happy that I know Mushishi, because then I can honestly reply. I don't think I will ever write a full on fic on it like I have with Kuroshitsuji and Death Note, but a short story, or something like that? Definitely. There are definitely elements that I would like to explore. So yeah, for now I will just said "maybe one day". I don't know if that's enough or satisfactory, but at least it's something. Hmm.. Actually, this could be an idea. I should re-watch Mushishi...**

 **I am getting off track here, anyway, I will definitely think about it (maybe after Not a Piece of Cake 2? I am getting so many ideas) and give my greetings to your friends, they sound amazing :D and thank you, thank you, thank you so much for supporting me and being kind and amazing.**

 **Butterfly kisses and honey hugs,**

 **-Sofia**

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 **donnaforgot: Thank you so much for liking this story! And I am still super bad at reacting to compliments, so I will just say "thanks" again I guess xD. And I hope that you will be around to post reviews on the sequel, I would love to hear your reaction. And thank you for saying that! I am actually starting a writer oriented study this year and I am super nervous because I feel very incompetent, but it's always nice to know that at least someone stand by my side! I wish you an amazing summer and all the luck in the future. Thank you for everything!**

 **Hugs,**

 **-Sofia**

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 **BarkingKittens: What? Anxious? Why? I don't bite and I am pretty dumb myself, so I wouldn't think that about others that quickly. I don't really judge at all, actually, what right do I have to do such a thing? Anyway, thank you so much, dear! I am one of those persons that reads fanfictions in the shadows, too, so I totally get it, but I love hearing from you, anyway. And Mello becoming an actor, I don't know xD, it just sort of seemed to fit is character? Anyway, thank you so much, I hope I haven't scared you off by actually replying and I hope you will be around when I post new chapters of Not a Piece of Cake 2!**

 **Hugs and kisses and BARKING KITTENS THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL CAN I ADOPT SOME?**

 **\- Sofia**

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 **Victoria-Nicole: I totally understand not commenting, I am not much of a commenter myself. (I don't think I have ever posted a review in my life? Maybe I did, I am not sure), but I am really happy to hear that you liked the story! And flourish, waaah, that is not a word I would have ever associated with my stories, so I feel very honored. And I am very happy I decided to write more! I just wasn't ready to leave these characters behind, so I hope you'll stick around for Not a Piece of Cake 2!**

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 **To everyone I did not respond to: I have read your reviews; I always make sure to read them all. When I do not reply, it A, because I feel like the review does not need responding, because all I would be able to answer is "thank you" or B, because I am unsure how to properly reply. In case B, I sometimes try to respond anyway, depending on how tired I am and how late at night it is. Anyway, I love to read all your reviews and I truly treasure them all. You are all amazing and fantastic and I love you more than I can explain. You made finishing this story not only worth it, but rewarding. So much so that I wasn't relieved when it was done, but sad. Something I could've imagined when I started this story. Thank you for staying with me until so long and I wish you all the most amazing summer!**

 **\- Sofia**

 **XxX**


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